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edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Dateing at 35 Posted: 7/3/2009 1:35:47 PM
gotta agree a little with cinsav. Some women in their 30's come off a little harsh. And is there anything more charming and appealing than a woman who has that dry, wizened 'I've seen it all before" attitude? The demographic seems to be pretty evenly split between divorcees, divorcees with children, and the never-married. But the women are out there. You wanna meet some women in their 30's or late 20's? Go to a professional psychology lecture. Find out where the American Psychological Association is meeting and crash it (in a classy way of course). But you better have your game on.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 268 (view)

Too Picky Posted: 7/3/2009 1:20:41 PM
first. Being picky is fine, as long as you understand the implications: you reduce your prospects from 1000 to 3 (or something like that). Here's another way to look at it. It's well known that coming off as desperate is perceived as repulsive to people, even when the person is attractive. I know because I've seen it, and it is not pretty. So it can be said that being picky is one way to offset being desperate. If you are being picky, then you are setting some ground rules, some basic qualifications a person must have in order to receive your attention and affection which does not come cheaply. Ah, but there's a lot of nuance to consider. The more I think about this the more that my answer seems wholly incomplete. Anyway... Ain't nothing wrong holding out for chemistry. After all, do you want just another friend, or that special friend who makes you grin wide, your face flush, and your toes curl?

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

One for the men out there who think women dont date nice guys Posted: 7/3/2009 1:23:08 AM
nice is a four letter word; the kiss of death for a guy...unless he likes being in the friend zone. anyway, that's beside the point. That guy was playing and that sucks. Shallowness ain't any good either. It's boring, childish. I bet you that he felt good after your encounter and got some confidence then decided to act on it like a jackass.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Dateing at 35 Posted: 7/3/2009 12:49:43 AM
this is all speculation. what exactly are you saying to them?

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

Do you think I'm being dishonest? Posted: 7/3/2009 12:24:56 AM
You should post the pic. It reflects your commitment to health and improvement which are both a plus in terms of your personality. It shows initiative. Besides, your hesitance reflects that you might be underestimating the fairer sex. There's nothing wrong with a woman finding you attractive. Wouldn't you want her to find you physically attractive? I sure would. Of course you might be expecting to surprise her by presenting a thinner you than she would expect. I recommend not to do that. In a sense that's starting from a point of deceit and women have a keen sense for that. I mean, when she asks you why you didn't post your new picture, what will you say? That you wanted to weed out the superficial ones? That understandable desire might be interpreted as arrogance, and not the good kind. That's bad.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 690 (view)

Are there ANY women who don't CHEAT? Posted: 3/25/2009 12:36:39 AM
I may get crap for saying this, but Doctor Phil got this one right. Ever so eloquently... What do all your past relationships have in common? YOU! Of course not all women cheat. You just seem to be attracted to the ones that do.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 734 (view)

What makes a woman over 40 sexy? Posted: 3/24/2009 11:43:01 PM
class. sophistication. education. lack of pretension. a genuine laugh. a duchenne smile. style (as in wardrobe). and a nice tight bod of course :p

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 358 (view)

Never married & no kids Posted: 3/24/2009 11:41:04 PM
no baggage! how could you go wrong? he better have at least an MBA though.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 125 (view)

How come we all get so picky after 30? Posted: 3/24/2009 11:40:04 PM
you just know yourself better, who's right for you and who ain't. It's like eating good sushi. Once you've had it, it's hard to go back to the discount bits.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 200 (view)

after 40 it is really hard to find a date Posted: 3/24/2009 11:37:57 PM
Wow. I've thought a little about this since 40 ain't too far on the horizon. From an economics perspective, I suppose that the 20's are generally out, since the experience gap is probably a bit wide. In my early 30's I dated some 20 somethings, ok, early 20 somethings. It was nice, but I can understand what it means to be at different places in your life. The feckless, crap they're going through is what I've already gone through and it's not very appealing to go through that again. And 30's, well my experience suggests the same as yours. The majority are divorcees with children. It makes sense. Typically it's in your 30's that you get married or unmarried depending on how things worked out for you. This is the natural outcome for those of us who are discriminating in the type of woman we want. Because I sure as hell am not going to settle for less than the right person for me. So it goes. That said, I know that I am confident enough to find somebody should I be 40 and single.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 34 (view)

How do you get back on the horse? Posted: 2/18/2008 2:49:30 AM
Dude I just turned 36! I say do what you feel you have to do. Get yourself back on your feet. If you have issues left over from your marriage then reconcile them with yourself. Do the things that you've been wanting to do but haven't done yet. You control your life. That is a fact. Whether you believe that or not is another matter entirely. Don't even worry about dating right now that's just extra pressure you may not need. Of course a fling here and there... You know, if you feel like dating, then do it. If you don't feel like dating right now then don't. There's no better substitute than experience. And yes, the bar scene is rife with 20-somethings who talk a mile a minute, are a little too preoccupied with "being somebody" and "proving themselves," and think 30 year olds are past their prime and therefore hopeless posers. Suffice to say I was at a bar last week and this impression is still fresh. For people our age, this all tends to look ridiculous; Been there and done that. If you must go anywhere bar-like then go to a nice lounge or a upper-scale restaurant. But allow yourself to heal and be happy first otherwise you'll bring down the energy of the place and that's not cool. Good luck... And don't neglect your kids in the process of course.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 40 (view)

being politely persistant towards a girl... Posted: 2/18/2008 2:27:00 AM
it's all personal taste i suppose. All things being equal, I wouldn't stick around. Now, if she were truly something special, that one in a million woman who is perfectly suited to me, then maybe I'd play her game a little longer. Ah, but it is possible to wait too darn long in which case she risks someone moving on. Of course if she doesn't really care then I guess it doesn't really matter. On another, albeit related note, I'd choose honest and sincere over romantic. Having those two qualities in a relationship leads to romance anyway. However, romance without honesty or sincerity leads to illusion which eventually passes to disillusion. So, um, yeah.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

Guys??? Need to know! Was I played?? Posted: 2/18/2008 2:17:56 AM
if he's a player, then he should work on his game. Sounds like he came off with all the style of a freight train. Just my impression. Anyway, there's no way for you to know what's on the boy's mind unless he tells you or unless you hang out more so you can get a better look at him in action. If I had to hazard a guess, he might be embarrassed for having come on too strong. That's not your fault and is more likely due to a little too much ego. The ball's in his court. If he wants to re-establish contact then that's up to him. If he wants to swallow a little pride, then good for him. Otherwise, you're worth too much to be fretting over a boy you only met briefly. Don't worry yourself over it and let it go.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Doubtful, but hopeful Posted: 2/13/2008 2:35:09 AM
Two things. He sounds like a potential train wreck and he's pretty darn young. It's a good combination for serious drama. If you're trying to save the poor boy then you may be in for a world of hurt and disappointment. Put another way, you may be in for more than you bargained for. I'm of the opinion that the friends with benefits arrangement sounds like a bad idea in this case. If he were a little older, a little more stable, then maybe. Friends with benefits can get a little dicey after all. Seeing as how you want more than he is willing to give, it's safe to say that it is dicey. Either way, it's your life.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

What should I say in this Valentine card Posted: 2/13/2008 2:14:01 AM
Personally, I'd recommend just sending a good ole' Valentine's Day card with some hugs and kisses and such. As DoUCanoe mentioned, it is pretty early on, you practically just met, and you may scare him away with something so forward. You also may decrease the likelihood that he will take you seriously as a long-term relationship potential, assuming that's what you want. Plus if you send a pantygram then it may be interpreted as putting sex on the table which might screw up his game. There's nothing like the prospect of sex to throw the average man off balance and make him awkward with anticipation. That's just my two cents on the matter. You know your guy and your situation better than anyone else here.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Why do guys act this way? Posted: 2/13/2008 2:00:52 AM
This is all speculation since apparently no one knows why he bailed. If you can't get a hold of him then just let it go and move on. It doesn't make sense to fret over it since the only way for you to know the deal is for either him to tell you what happened or to find out tangentially from some third party or source. This happened to me once and I just said f*** it. I'm done. Now if this keeps happening, then I would suspect that you might be doing something to cause them to break dates (either with or without explanation and a courtesy call). Barring this state of affairs, I still say let it go.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 94 (view)

how great is no arguing in a relationship Posted: 2/13/2008 1:42:28 AM
i ended one relationship not so much because of arguing but because i felt i was never heard. I've also been in a relationship which was wonderfully calm. We had agreeable temperaments and similar, proximate tastes. We talked issues through. We gave each other sufficient space. And we talked until sunrise throughout our time together. Therefore, calm is good as far as I'm concerned. If something needs to be argued over, then it should be so. I reject the assertion that a relationship without arguing is one without passion. I mean, if a couple are similarly passionate about similar things, then what's to really argue about? Anyway, that's not the answer to the question. That said, I have not idea how to determine the frequency of relationships ending as a result of arguing and all its kin. I think that it's unrealistic to assume that there will never be arguments. Life has a way of throwing things at you that even in retrospect, you would never have predicted. So one never knows.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 89 (view)

Asians and caucasians. Posted: 2/12/2008 2:54:47 AM
And apparently, being an Asian male isn't all that cool in the States. Of course if you happen to be half Asian and half Caucasian, then you're god ;-) What's up with that? Ha!

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 88 (view)

Asians and caucasians. Posted: 2/12/2008 2:50:08 AM
I've dated Caucasians. There was only one I would've stuck with. It didn't work out for stupid reasons I won't get into. Otherwise I think it can work out but there are some things that might need explaining like the sense of family duty. I can't say for sure but I am under the impression that Caucasian may perceive family duty as a weakness. Personally I prefer Asian women because I find them physically attractive and I don't have to explain and labor over the little things that characterize Asians. Ultimately I say go for whoever makes you happy. Just do it with eyes wide open and be realistic. Throw ideals about what things "should be like" out the window. Leave social experiments to other people and keep them out of your relationships...That is of course if you want to be happy.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 45 (view)

What do men find unattractive as far as behavior when dating? Posted: 2/12/2008 2:30:36 AM
I don't mind a woman talking about an ex as long as it doesn't go on forever. If anything, listening to experiences with an ex lets me know about where a woman is now. Is she bitter? Or has she learned something about herself? You know?

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

What do men find unattractive as far as behavior when dating? Posted: 2/12/2008 2:24:27 AM
Clingy is calling a man you just met more than once a day. So how is a woman to deal with this? Well one way is to call once. Have a nice conversation. At the first sign of "dead air" start to wrap up the call. Then go and do something you enjoy, live your life as you normally would until the guy calls back. It's ok to express interest in a man, but it's best to be moderate about it. It's just the way it is at this moment in time. One unattractive behavior is being distracted during conversation. Another is being self-deprecating in a serious way because this suggests low self-esteem and lack of confidence. If you don't think you're worth anything, then it's a bit difficult for me to feel differently. Women who are too cynical, who basically think that everything sucks. Why? Because everything does not suck all the time. Therefore, to say that it does signals someone who over-emphasizes the negative and why would anyone want to spend time with such a person? Ah, and women who insist on persuading me that they're intelligent. I've met plenty of people, men and women, who were intelligent (doctors, lawyers, professors) yet shockingly dull, unimaginative, and pedestrian.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

How to approach girls who are... Posted: 1/28/2008 7:08:57 AM
Damn. Well, if you have something funny to say then say it. But don't try to be funny. It's best to feel it. That way you don't end up looking desperate, and women can smell desperate from a mile away. It has the stink of death. The thing that sucks is that asking a person out, or even just talking to them is an art. Otherwise, I concur with those who suggested a simple, "Hi" or "Hello." A couple of those will naturally turn into a "How are you doing?" Which will turn into "I can't wait until the weekend," followed by, "Me neither. What do you have planned? Something exciting I would guess?" "Oh yeah! I'm washing my hair!" "No way! So am I! I was gonna leave it at that, maybe watch the first half of CSI, but I wanna see that new movie 'Juno.'" "I heard the actress in it is up for an Oscar. She's only like 20 years old." "Yeah, that's what I heard. Really, I just want to see what the fuss is all about. Have you seen it?" "No. I kinda wanna see it too." Well, you get the idea

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 95 (view)

Your now 30, have you grown up yet? Posted: 1/28/2008 6:22:29 AM
What does that mean growing up?? Growing up means taking responsibility for the things that you do. You can still have fun and go nuts as often as the impulse strikes. There's no need to be stuffy and dreadfully serious all the time which I think is a vestige of previous generations. But if you have kids, then you take care of them. If you have a wife or girlfriend, then you put them before going snowboarding or hanging out with your high school chums getting drunk. In fact, you should probably make all your decisions in relation to the person you are with. And if you can't, then you get out of that relationship. You deal with whatever adversity you may face without hiding from it. You confront everything straight on and with courage. And for the love of god, you quit lying to yourself about everything, including the stupid crap you know you do. Piece of cake!

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

If you know what you're looking for, but you don't know where to find it, where do you look? Posted: 1/10/2008 5:42:27 AM
simple. Open your eyes and look right in front of you. Otherwise that person will walk right past you.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 90 (view)

How important is your Faith... Posted: 1/10/2008 5:14:06 AM
Man, I gave up organized religion years ago (former practicing Catholic). It's just not my bag anymore and I've become entirely too scientific to fully buy into an omniscient/omnipresent being managing the universe. I mean, it's not impossible, but I need better evidence than what's being offered. As I like to say to Creationist or Intelligent Design (technically the same) types, if I'm descended from a primate, then fine. That's all there is to that. It's not like I'm a monkey now. Anyway, I don't think that a person of faith can ever separate his or her faith from everyday life which includes romantic relationships. And such a person shouldn't have to. Doing otherwise would compromise the self and possibly lead to a terrible misunderstanding between two people interested in starting a relationship. For the record, I would date a Zen Buddhist. They're cool.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 284 (view)

Guys over 30...do they even exist? Posted: 1/10/2008 5:05:01 AM
I'd check with the Canadian Census Bureau and see what the distribution of men over thirty in your area happens to be. Then I'd check neighboring regions before moving onto the distribution within the different provinces. In the States for example, the ratio of women to men in San Francisco is supposedly higher (more women than men) than in other regions within the state of California. It's science!

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

I thought being in your 30's was still young? Posted: 1/10/2008 4:59:28 AM
It can be, being in your 30's and still young I mean. A lot of my friends are in their 30's and there remains a youthfulness to them. They may not party like they used to, but they seem at ease about it. The way that I've conceived that aspect of the 30's is that the 20's are spent seeking out the best party. By the time you hit 30, chances are that you've found it already and have given up that quest for other more satisfying ones. My experience is similar to yours in that I am not the same person that I was in my 20's. I'm hardly the same person I was a few months ago, or even last year. I feel like I'm always learning something new and re-evaluating my ideas and perceptions about myself and the world. I suppose that in former times, when people got married earlier in life, 30 year olds had accumulated the experiences leaving them with a weariness: the career, the wife, the kids, the in-laws, the car, the house, etc. But I think that our generation has started to reject the rush to acquire these things. What's the hurry? We've seen the end of the career days and it's a sham. By the time we retire (the age of which is being pushed ever later) we're old and burned out. Our generation has seen this and has sensibly chosen to live a little more in the here and now. This might add to the perception of the youthful 30-something. For the record, I am also 35. In addition, I am unmarried (as in never married), without children, with a higher than average education, and don't care too much about the paths that others take.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 119 (view)

Interracial Relationships.. Posted: 6/27/2007 1:15:08 PM
I've done it. Seems to be not much of an issue with me. I grew up around Caucasians so I kinda get their vibe a bit better. I'm also Pacific Islander so also I tend to understand the fundamentals of Asian-Pacific Islander culture. There are practical elements that I think one can't help but to consider like the type of respect for parents and elders. These are things that are kinda hard to communicate to other people who haven't grown up with my background. It's one thing to know something factually as opposed to having experienced something. Otherwise, no one's off limits for me.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 90 (view)

Is it ok to sleep with an Ex that emotionally destroyed you? Posted: 6/21/2007 1:22:41 AM
ok for whom? If it's madness and self-destruction one seeks, then I think that it's completely appropriate to do so. Then again, if one's over it and could care less and is just "gagging for a shag" as goes the British expression, then maybe that's also appropriate. Just because an ex destroyed you some time in the past doesn't automatically imply that sex will be bad. Whatever a person chooses to do, just go in with eyes wide open.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Missed connections Posted: 6/21/2007 1:16:43 AM
plenty. But I don't dwell on them. It has been said that the eyes are the sentinels of the heart. And what they seek is not just any beauty, but the appropriate (i.e. personal to you) beauty. I tell you what, if I see someone who has the appropriate beauty, that look that just hits me like no other, then I ain't waiting... Of course, if I muck that encounter up, what can be said? Life goes on.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 192 (view)

Why do women like Jerks Posted: 6/21/2007 1:08:07 AM
Well, I'd rather do the right thing and not get the girl. What about you? Yeah I'd rather get the girl the right way, which is to say, my way or the way that satisfies me. My point is that jerks may be jerks, but they are doing something right. It would be sensible to find out what that is (perhaps their lack of self-conscious desperation among other things) and apply it; provided of course that it agrees with one's disposition. That's of course assuming that one cares about one's disposition. Besides, I've been stubborn in my former days, much more than now, and I have stuck to my guns even when those guns would end up shooting me in the foot. My experience has led me to conclude that there is little honor to be found in keeping steadfast to only one course of action, especially when it is one that fails.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 186 (view)

Why do women like Jerks Posted: 6/20/2007 5:27:43 AM
oh yeah and according to the Tao of Steve, there are three guidelines: Be desireless (quit thinking about sex and for god's sake quit looking at her breasts) Be excellent in her presence (be witty. be charming. be cool. demonstrate a talent) Then be gone (which is to say don't be so damn available). piece of cake. and here's another observation: women want nice guys but they respond to azzholes. go figure.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 185 (view)

Why do women like Jerks Posted: 6/20/2007 5:19:47 AM
Jerks must be doing something right. Am I a jerk? Depends on who you ask. As per my observation, the more playful and fearless I am, the more attention I get. When I'm feeling reserved and pensive, I get no love. Why? I don't ask anymore. Honestly, for the nice guys out there quit bellyaching and watch what the more successful guys do, even the jerks. Go to a quiet bar and start observing. Listen to what they say and how they say it. Watch their body language. Watch the women's body language. Then take the best attributes, the ones that work for you and your personality, and incorporate them into your, um, game. Nice guys don't always finish last but they sure take forever to get to the finish line. Better yet, look at the male-female interaction as a dance, especially an older dance like a tango. In a tango, there is a leader (usually the man) and his partner (usually the female). The funny thing is that the leader and the partner actually take turns leading. The female resists the male at different parts of the dance. She can make it harder for him to lead if she chooses. At other parts she may choose to abandon herself to the male. This whole back and forth is what makes a dance a dance, the building of tension and its release, the push and the pull. If there's no push and pull, if the female just lets herself be led then the dance may not be as satisfying for the male. This is beyond ideologies and reason and ideals; it is beyond what should be or what's supposed to be. Nice guys may end up with a sense of self-satisfaction or superiority, but the jerks will leave with the girl. This simply, is. Take it or leave it.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 138 (view)

What’s too soon? Posted: 6/20/2007 4:59:44 AM
First date's usually too soon, unless a person doesn't really care and is only in for the quick hook-up. Women should always make a guy wait at least a day. Dance around a little. Savor it. Create a little tension and anticipation. Otherwise guys tend, and I emphasize tend, to lose interest if we get sex too quickly. Why? I don't know. We just do. As for what's too long of a wait? Who knows? That one you'll have to play by ear. Some people wait until marriage. Is that too long?

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Interesting statistics on Nor and SoCal... Posted: 6/20/2007 4:50:14 AM
Shucks. College is the perfect place to pick up women if I may be so blunt. Just pick any of the social sciences although in my experience psychology class is the place to go. Besides, what a perfect and effortless "in" one has with female classmates. What's your major? Are you from out of state? UCLA is overrated isn't it? What do you think of this class? Statistics are generally crap. Anyone who's danced with research design probably knows this. There is one little detail missing from the map. What are the ages of the single men and women? Is it 18-24? Is it the full range of ages across the sample population or is it divided into different subsets? How is single defined? Does it include not-married but dating or in a relationship? I need to think about it more but I wouldn't put too much stock in the statistics. In fact screw the stats. If you see someone you like, then be courageous and step up to the plate. Take the risk and as the young tend to say, regret something you did instead of something you didn't do.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 127 (view)

How come no one want's to get married? Posted: 6/20/2007 4:31:02 AM
I wouldn't mind getting married. But I'm kinda old fashioned. I think people don't want to get married for a number of reasons. One's probably because of the fear what it will end in divorce. Seems reasonable given the high rate. Another reason might be because women don't need men the same way they did in the past. I should say they have the choice not to rely on a man or anyone for a livelihood. Ah, but my gut tells me that it's fear. The modern marriage entails a risk that some are no longer willing to accept. Divorce may be common nowadays, however it reeks of failure and nobody wants to be perceived as a failure. I think that people are desperate to see a marriage work, which is to say that it endures until death. I guess if you want a marriage to last you should probably just say to hell with love and marry a good friend who you find physically appealing. That probably stands more chance of lasting than one based on love because love doesn't always last. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn't. So it goes...

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

~~~WhAt Do U GuYs WAnT iiN a GiiRl...??? Posted: 4/2/2007 10:11:38 PM
something that's difficult to find. but that's ok. Confident. A little brainy. A great host (like I am ; ). Honest (without having to be mean about it). Self-aware. Body like a ballerina. A sense of personal style (not nec. trendy). A little charisma's nice. College graduate's a plus. And um, just a little bad or at least aware of her darker side. Kinda sucks because each "condition" reduces the number of potentials by a factor of ten I think it is. But my point isn't to get a girlfriend. My point is to find the right person for me. Settling for someone offends both my honest self as well as the other person. Just can't do that. At any rate, a gal should just be herself. She doesn't have to be anyone else for me. Besides, if she put up a front I'd figure it out soon enough anyway. If I like her, then fine. If I don't then fine. Same goes from her to me. There's just too much work involved when trying to be someone else and that eventually leads to disappointment anyway.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Mirror Pics... N to the O Posted: 3/14/2007 4:02:01 PM
But that's my best angle! Oh well.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 92 (view)

Would you go to a hgh school reunion? Posted: 3/12/2007 9:19:57 PM
yeah. Missed the last one. Now I have to wait for the 20th. I'd like to see some of the old chums that I used to only hang out with at school and only at school. They were a good bunch of fellows and it would be a blast to catch up and let them know that they were appreciated. What kinda sucks is that I went to an all boys Catholic school and all the gals we were dating went to other high schools. So there's not much of a chance seeing where Annamarie or whomever ended up. So it goes.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

Sex or Love? Posted: 3/12/2007 9:11:19 PM
Love. No doubt about it. And I don't mean in some sappy, sentimental way. Feeling completely free with another human being, connected deeply and profoundly beats casual sex any day of the week. I mean, there's a time for sex for its own sake and that's fine. But that's largely for the satisfaction of a physical drive, and once satisfied well, what remains besides wanting to be somewhere else? Ah, yet when sex and love are mixed then one can find oneself after the fact, in the stillness, lingering on every sublime curve of a lover's body. It's beyond description. Although I will say that every moment when one is in love is like some divine experience and therefore worth all the risk that love requires. The bugger about love is that once you've had it, and I mean the really good stuff that literally changes a person forever more, anything that is less just doesn't cut it anymore. Of course at the same time, love does not automatically mean that the sex will be good. I think that's a fiction and I don't know where that idea got started. I've been lucky. But others, not so much. That's just the reality of it.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 58 (view)

How come no one wants to get married Posted: 11/24/2006 3:26:36 AM
Yeah. It's difficult to have any sort of stable relationship nowadays when our society sends the message that it's ok to be a douchebag. Nevertheless, I think that the way to understand the so-called decline of marriage is to examine the historical reasons for marriage and how these have changed over time. In the simplest of terms, women don't need a man to be stable and successful, and certainly don't need one to secure social esteem and status. Women can get along just fine if they so choose and that's cool. So if a guy turns out to be a jerk the cost of leaving the marriage is far less than in earlier periods. There's hardly any social stigma attached to being divorced not that there should be. Divorce probably seems darn prudent and sensible at times, and surely it is. I'm not sure about pre-marital counseling insofar as I don't know to what degree it would contribute to the longevity of a marriage. But I guess it's worth a shot.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

is it wrong to date when you know you are in love with another Posted: 9/23/2006 2:38:53 AM
i rarely say things with a definite aire, but um, no. a lie to the self, a lie of self-deception is the most pernicious of lies and leads to terrible outcomes. so again, no.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 41 (view)

Are some people meant to be alone forever ? Posted: 9/19/2006 5:09:35 PM
I don't think that anyone in this world was meant to be anything. This means that you can pretty much be whatever you want. The freedom is there. So I guess the answer would be no. Besides, when one says "meant to be alone," using the word "meant" suggests some sort of agency. I think that most people take this to mean some divine power or supranatural force. However, I think that this force can be more ordinary. It's the will of the person; his or her behavior. This is a good thing insofar as it suggests that one can select his or her fate. There's nothing in the miasmic great beyond toying with you, making life harder than it need be. I say relax and analyze past relationships. As it has been said, the common thread linking a person's "failed" relationships is the person. It may be hard to swallow, but if it is taken to heart and accepted, then one can proceed to make the necessary changes in one's life.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 55 (view)

Why do guys go for the bad girl? Posted: 8/24/2006 12:33:39 PM
I don't like bad girls per se. Nevertheless, the vamped-up sex pot? Nice to look at but the schtick gets boring pretty quickly. I am often attracted to what I would describe as a bad attitude, a mischievious spirit, someone who walks and dances to the beat of her own drummer...and is gorgeous. Try hunting that type down. Statistics is not on my side. Actually, I've been with girls/women who are sweet as cherry pie and just a little deviant. That's pretty cool. The sweetie pie with the bad attitude. sigh

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

Has Internet dating made us too picky Posted: 8/24/2006 12:19:28 PM
The internet makes me selective. Age and experience makes me picky. Selectivity I think is the state or condition of expressing one's preferences and making a decision according to some defined criteria. When we conduct a search, the results are delimited by the parameters we set in the search box. Pickiness relates to one's attitude both in this process and towards the outcome of the selection. As defined, to be picky means to be "extremely fussy or finicky, usually over trifles." Shoot. Come to think of it, maybe the internet does make us picky. I'm usually up for meeting people and don't really worry about "hooking-up." If it happens fine. If not, fine. Networking seems sensible enough. Right now however, I have more people, both friends and acquaintances, than I can handle. I was at one of my local watering holes yesterday and felt pulled in ten different directions. It was nuts.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

trendy dance/night clubs/bars for over 30's in L.A. County? Posted: 8/22/2006 5:24:18 PM
Zanzibar! in Santa Monica - $10 (downtempo - electronic) Cinespace Tuesdays in Hollywood - $10 (trendy but crowded!) Firecracker (every second Friday in Chinatown) Don't know the cover. Prob $10 Avalon in Hollywood - $20 (just trance) Safari Sam's on Sunset - $10 (Indie Rock Crowd, saw the dude from Entourage there) Barcopa in Venice Beach - $10-$15 (electronic) I don't know more than that. I don't hit the scene as often. Hope this helps!

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Smoking, how brainwashed are you? Posted: 8/22/2006 1:05:20 PM
Conventional wisdom also used to indicate that the earth was the center of the solar system and that everything else revolved around it. Um. I don't think that was considered conventional wisdom. I believe that until the discrediting and/or falsification of the geocentric model of the universe, it was considered a fact. Smoking's bad for you. That's a fact. You may not get cancer; Heck you may not get anything at all according to the post. Something's gonna pop and I'm pretty sure that's common knowledge. I suspect that few people these days would consider smoking a good way to address stress or hypertension. The physiological impacts are dispersed and probably vary as much as genetic dispositions across a population. The study informally cites a sample population of 4. Three smokers who lived into "very" old age and one who lived close to what I assume is the mean age for life expectancy in the US. Given these four cases, the average age of death for lifetime smokers is 110 years with a median age of 113. That just does not sound right to me. At any rate, I like how the stats have been cited. They at least demonstrate the fallibility of those using research methods. I'm neither for nor against smoking. Do it if you want. If it offends your sensibility, then don't. I just think it's good to simply understand what one is getting into. So I don't think I'm brainwashed (at least about smoking).

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

Annoying, Ambiguous Question ... Posted: 8/22/2006 12:34:52 PM
Maybe the question is innane, however I think that it serves as a psychological priming device. It sets the other person's mind along the same lines as he who is asking the question. So when he next asks, "Do you want to get together today" then you are somewhat prepared for the question. I think it's also a social convention. It's a phrase that people have come to say to each other, almost like a standard dance or ritual. It's like greeting a person with a "What's up?" The typical response to that is, "What's up?" No question has been asked but a conventional way of interacting has been observed. Finally, the man also doesn't want to be perceived as being too eager. If you say you're busy then he can just let it go as one question among idle chat. If you say you're not busy, then he can ask his question about wanting to go out. I guess each party in the conversation is trying not to look too eager. It's diplomacy in a sense. I understand the desirability of the direct approach but I think that the verbal gymnastics for effectively handling the direct approach are a bit much for most people. It requires a level of un-selfconscious honesty to get through that. Given my experience, not a lot of people seem to have that; especially when it's a man talking to a woman he likes.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

Public Education Posted: 8/18/2006 1:51:51 AM
However, culturally, any group that emphasizes education in the home does tend to have better performance in school. Interesting. This issue came up recently. For my family, it wasn't even a question. You at least went to college. It's not like college was this horrible oppressive place. It was just what you did after high school. To be fair, my mum is a surgeon and had instilled into my brothers and me this sense that higher education was something seen as respectable as well as an abstract good. I think that if she had not done this, I would've contented myself with a bachelors instead of a masters and PhD. The curious thing is that some of my younger cousins didn't see it this way. My two cousins that recently graduated from high school didn't even take the SAT. I had always assumed up until recently that college was part of the dominant family ethic. In my generation (I'm about twice their age), those who didn't go to college were the exception. Guess I was wrong. Ah, but they did both go to public school for what that's worth. Whereas I had been in private school almost my whole life. But wait a second. Most of my cousins around my age went to public school and ended up in college. Well damned if I know! Maybe we need to encourage kids in a different way. Maybe we need to show them that college has something to offer other than the assurance that you will be at least considered for certain jobs. I don't know what needs to be said. It's difficult to communicate to anyone, let alone adolescents, the joy of figuring-out complex problems, or even something as simple as examining a map of the world. And as it has been said, sometimes kids don't even see college as an option. It's not even on the radar. Come on! At least go for the parties and indiscriminate sexing! Don't kids watch movies like Van Wilder, Back to School, and Animal House anymore? Crap. I think I'm off point here.

edward689

Joined: 3/7/2006

Msg: 48 (view)

Things about a partner which attract you, but aren't 'conventionally' attractive? Posted: 8/18/2006 1:20:01 AM
nerds and librarians. anyone a little vulnerable who is not a basket case. someone who has had to suffer a little bit and knows what it means to be humbled. shorter hair as opposed to long Fructis hair. oh you know what I mean. although it's easier to see the neckline which I find one of the most appealing parts of the female form. i know it's not part of the question, but i don't tend to like go-getters. there's something a bit too intense about their hyper-ambitiousness. it's as if life's always just a moment away from becomming a complete and utter disaster if the eyes should drift from the road ahead. plus there's this feeling that life is more something to be conquered than embraced. i don't care if someone takes this path. but i don't find it attractive. oh. and i stay away from do-gooders and know-it-alls.

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