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Thread: Dating multiple people, to tell or not to tell

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Dating multiple people, to tell or not to tell Posted: 2/13/2013 9:24:17 AM
~OP~ First clue you were in for a tough deal with this guy??? He asked you out 2 1/2 weeks BEFORE he was actually out of an existing committed dating relationship. I'm really not quite certain what there is to tell you, because you clearly state you know he's lying to you. Isn't that all that really matters? You don't trust him. Why bother with him? JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 55 (view)

How would u feel about 'DYKHMILY? Posted: 2/7/2013 5:34:19 PM
So imagine u're in a relationship, s/he never verbalises their love for u.. being critical or just indifferent... then the elationship ends and they send u a text msg with DYKHMILY?" (Do you know how much i loved you?). You pull them up about it what the hell they meant by that, why now? And they don't own up and just ignore it... How would u feel? Humored. (Someone was drunk-texting or off their meds.) Would u be pissed? No, I don't waste that much emotion on those who aren't worth my emotions. happy? Happy to be rid of someone who's clearly not worth my time. relieved? Yep. Relieved to be rid of someone who's emotionally bankrupt. ~OP~ I'd suspect that person had too many and chalk the text up to a night of drunk texting. I'd not take anything written in acronyms seriously. That's just waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too high-schoolish for my taste. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 76 (view)

He refuses to take any blame! Posted: 1/31/2013 6:53:33 PM
He's not suffering from bipolar. He's suffering from Ass-hole-itis. Doesn't need to be a mental disorder to treat other people like shiit, sometimes people just do that because that's how they are. I am impressed with myself to be honest! And you should be!!!!! I was married to that pathological liar guy. Good lord the insanity I allowed into my life. The thing about people who do jacked-up things like that? People such as you and me allow it. Until we do what I did and what you just did, there's really no one to blame for the ridiculousness but our own selves. Why we do it? I blame it on a lack of self-worth (for me, anyway.) The moment I gained a bit of self-security and looked in the mirror ~ all I could think was, "WTF??? Is this all you're worth to yourself?" His bags were packed and he was sent moving along with his things that very day. While it's a little rough and yeah, we feel badly when they cry/whine and look ever-so-puppy-dog-sad/lost-his-best-friend stuff ~ they can walk into the other room and put on the charm and forget we're feeling badly for them. So don't let that "feeling bad for him" stuff take too much of your time. Like it or not, he'll be just fine without you and you'll be much better off without him!! Good for you for taking care of you, rather than him. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Vee relationships Posted: 1/31/2013 2:14:21 PM
OP, there are a lot of people who do not believe that anyone can or should be friendly with an ex, and there are also people who don't even believe that a man and woman can truly be friends without having sex with each other (if both are straight). Obviously you disagree with both of those beliefs, as do I, but consider that a lot of the advice you receive here will be from people who believe that way. Yes indeed! The vast majority here will throw in things about it being unhealthy, the classic "You're using each other to avoid other relationships...." and the ever-present, "Ex's are an ex for a reason." (Few delve deep enough to consider that "Ex's are an ex for a reason, but can be friends for hundreds of reasons.") As to feeling left out and envious - if this happened with your best female friend, you might feel the same way. Suddenly she is spending a lot of time with and focusing on her new man; they're very happy and she's not as available to you even though you're used to getting together daily. So what would you do? You'd find other things to do and you'd try to meet other people to cultivate new friendships, or perhaps reconnect with others you've known. Also, I find that it helps to examine what you consider the worst-case scenario - which in this case, might mean that you ARE abandoned - and think about how you would deal with it, and face that you might have to deal with it. Then if it does happen, you are prepared, strong and ready to move on. If it doesn't happen, you know that you COULD deal with it. That's a great feeling. Good luck. +1 This post has been fascinating to me because of the way older people seem to be after they divorce. I never thought about hanging around with my ex-he was toxic to me. When my kids told me "dad has a new g/f, and we like her"...honestly I was, still am thrilled for him. The man was sooo depressed after we divorced, I just want the best for him. I was in a relationship that ended but I'm still happy for them. Anyway I think as most have said on here...your relationship is changing with the ex. Leave them alone to get their own, and get out and do some things you like. You have to make a life for yourself without him and it will be good, really. If you think the older divorcee's are nutz about this topic, wait til a few of the youngsters pipe in. Took me by surprise when first here in forums at how hateful the younger crowd prefers to be about ex's. ~OP~ I've been in your shoes. I found my exhusband a lovely woman to date (right here from POF) about 6 years ago. For a long while, I was the "wife-in-law" (the new gal's label for me) and then, in time, they were more solid and I was invited less and less and later, not at all. I didn't take it personally. I know how relationships evolve, ebb/flow/etc. I fully expected they'd graduate to just the two of them. I don't recall feeling a sense of loss. Maybe my busy social life helped with that, maybe I just didn't care ~ I truly don't recall. I'd suggest the same as others here, let them have their space. Fill your time with activities, making new friends, etc. Enjoy your new freedom that comes with him moving on romantically. Change is only bad if one doesn't want it ~ you claim your happy for him, so take this change as a positive for the both of you. Life is so very exciting when change is in front of us. New people, places, things, thoughts/feelings/etc. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Would you take in in your ex in a time of need? Posted: 1/31/2013 1:54:34 PM
~OP~ A few years ago there was a thread on this very topic in the over 45 category. I was stunned at the responses in there. The rampant insecurities, the hate, the absolute disregard for someone those people once loved, simply astounded me. By and large, the ladies were open to taking in their ex and the males posters thought it was insane (which was interesting because it was a male poster who had taken his ex in while she suffered a slow/painful death with no one else to turn to.) ~OT~ I'd most certainly do so. I find most people's views on ex(s) egregious. It appears that many think being ex's means that person is no longer alive on the planet. That when they become an ex, they become invisible or no longer worth knowing. I question that simply because we, as adults, pick our future ex's. If we find enough value in them to turn them into a potential ex, it stands to reason, to me at least, that even when things go sideways and we can no longer live with them, love them, etc., we should not forget all of their admirable/good qualities. But, I've never been accused of thinking like the masses. My ex and I remained close post-divorce and when our son died at age 23 (3 years ago) the one thing I found myself being grateful for at that most horrible time, was that we had remained friends. Planning a funeral of a child with someone you're not friends with? I simply can't imagine. So without hesitation, I'd definitely do exactly what you're doing and I'd not feel the need to explain my choice to anyone. If a potential date doesn't get it? I wouldn't want to know that person anyway, so nothing lost there. If family/friends don't get it? Oh well. They'll either get over it, or die confused. I'm definitely pro-friend-at-the-end. I see nothing positive in hate/trauma/drama/discontent with those we can no longer be romantically involved with. (Kudos to you for being a kind/caring/loving/giving person ~ a rare breed any more, sad as that is!!) JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 102 (view)

Lousy lovers Posted: 1/27/2013 12:26:42 AM
If you already know what does and doesn't interest him why aren't you using more of what does ?? In case it's eluded you ~ this thread isn't about me. It's about a man who's completely ignorant to the concept of making a woman happy to see him when he shows up naked in her bed. As the OP mentioned a few posts back ~ you sure do seem to assume a lot. And like the vast majority of women here? I learned the fine art of revisiting what works when I was about 18. That's really a no-brainer. THATS CAUSE MOST WOMEN DONT HAVE A CLUE WHAT THEIR DOING Yeah ~ that's why men are lousy lovers. Women are clueless. I will give you this ~ the internet yelling (the all caps deal) made that comment actually quite funny to read. Like you feel so passionate you had to yell it at the tops of your fingers just in case any of us readers may have missed your opinion.

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

Why do people wait so long to take a chance? Posted: 1/25/2013 8:54:59 PM
Why are people not honest to realize that each day that passes by ---you are getting older. This is exactly the reason I stopped overlooking little things and stopped meeting/dating people who didn't meet my insane "list" of must-be's. Because I realized I was indeed getting older, I'd lived without a steady man in my life for over 11 years, I knew that I was not only happy, capable and willing to be alone, I learned that I could "grow old" alone with no regrets. Why is it that both men and women are looking for perfection and won't even give anyone a chance? "Perfect for me" was the ONLY option. I had no interest in settling, nor did I want to be someone that a man settled on/for. We are not going to live forever. Take a chance. Find someone that you think you might be compatible with and communicate and take a chance. Comment on why men/women are so fussy and do not want to take a chance. I reconciled growing old alone, dying without a significant other in my life loooooooooong ago. Because I know, all too well, that life is exceptionally short, I became comfortable with living my life without a partner in my mid/late 30s. Over the years, I dated, I had a couple of short-term boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, but at the end of the day ~ I'd much rather be happy alone than unhappy with a man that didn't possess every single trait I wanted/desired/deserved to have in my life. I wouldn't say I was "fussy" ~ I would say that I was down-right picky and not a little picky ~ exceptionally so. Had my SO not appeared right in front of me ~ I would still be living a full, happy, healthy and fulfilled life. Very likely the same life I'm living at this very moment, just without him in it. ~OP~ I understand the premise of your question, what I don't understand is why so many think it takes having a romantic partner will make our break their life as the twi-light years approach. I just think that's odd. But to each their own. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 95 (view)

Lousy lovers Posted: 1/25/2013 7:52:36 PM
It is absolutely her responsibility to reach orgasm, not his , he's her partner to assist and help her to say its not her responsibility ..is to say I can blame you every time I don't orgasm First of all, there are women who NEVER orgasm ~ so to play a blame-game, in some instances, is silly. I personally believe blaming others for most things is silly ~ but it seems a VERY common theme here in these particular forums (and likely in nearly every other venue of life, as well.) And whats wrong with the 'bag of tricks "..? only why does she have to leave the room ..? Looks like he would have more input if she was laying next to him in bed HA! If he's not interested in learning about what works for her without a bag a tricks ~ he's not likely going to want to offer "input" if she does have a bag of tricks. If a man doesn't give a ratz-ass, a toys aren't going to suddenly instill interest. (And because you're not a woman, you're likely not familiar with the insecurities that toys bring out in many many men. Not all men are open to the idea of their partner having artificial assistance ~ for some reason it's insulting to a good many men. Maybe women, too ~ I wouldn't know about that.) (As for what's wrong with a bag of tricks? I wouldn't know. I've never owned anything artificial ~ I just happen to have a load of female friends who are very fond of kissing and telling and none of them find a thing wrong with their night-stand aids, their men on the other hand? By and large ~ HATE them.) My point is ..its easy to blame a partner .. but that doesn't resolve you from a failure To me? You're theory is junk. If I'm not satisfying my man to the point of orgasm, I consider my own performance as a "failure" on a few levels. If you don't feel that way ~ fine, but I'd much rather the man in my life KNOW for a fact that I intend to make every effort to trip ALL his triggers than to expect him to finish the job when I tire, or bore, or simply have had enough. I don't care if I do or not, but I most certainly do care if he does. I have been with women that really challenged me to reach orgasm ... but I turned her sideways , upside down or stuff her in my bareskin rug ..if thats what it took for ME to orgasm And there ya go ~ selfish lovers will do whatever it takes to make their own selves happy. As long as it works for you ~ great! If no one on the receiving end of you're turning them into a living-blow-up-doll minds ~ all's good!! JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

Anybody ever hear of a GF who refuses to go to a conert...EVER? Posted: 1/25/2013 6:25:41 PM
Anybody ever hear of a GF who refuses to go to a conert...EVER? Yep! Me. I've endured MANY concerts over the years, have truly enjoyed maybe 1. over the years and concerts sim I love going to shows but the girl im dating 7 months wont ever go. Even if I pay, even if its a band she listens to, playing 2 blocks from her house. Has anyone ever heard of such a thing? We have dozens of other issues leading to breaking up every month for a few days but at the end of the day she doesn't want to date anyone besides me other wise she would be. SHe is 37 years old. I doubt her age has anything to do with her disinterest in concerts. Yesterday I went to a concert alone cause she didn't feel like going, and it wasn't like it was the loudest heavy metal. It was 35% woman in the concert and it was for just two and a half hours. Still no go. 5th time she turned down a concert, and she knew she would likely have to wait 5 days to see me a different day, so she would rather not see me then hang out at a concert for a few hours cause I was going either way. Ive just never heard of a thing, on long island girls go to concerts all the time with the boyfriends, or husband, or with friends. I don't think geography has anything to do with her disinterest in concerts. ~OP~ She may have a very logical reason why she's not interested (ie: anxiety issues, phobias, etc.) or maybe she's simply not into concerts. Not everyone is into live bands/concerts. And there's not a thing wrong with that. The way I see it? You have two choices. 1) Get over the fact she's not interested and go by yourself or with other friends; or 2) stop seeing her because she doesn't share your interest in concerts. To me? You're making a big deal out of nothing. I LOVE movies. Love to go to the theater, rent them, have all the movies channels Dish offers, etc., My spouse has NO interest in movies. So what do we do? I watch movies, he does something he enjoys. It's never been an issue. It's one interest we simply don't share. I think there's a good deal in truth in that it's healthiest to have common and separate interests. I do think it's important to do things for our loved ones we don't always want to do (once in a while) but you seem to be beating a dead horse. 7 months, 5 concerts? That's a pretty steady stream of concerts. Which means that about once a month, you're inviting her, knowing she'll say no ~ which is likely an irritant to her (it would be to me) and it's apparently an irritant of sorts to you (being that you posted a thread on the subject.) I'd think you'd tire of being told "No thanks." and simply make concerts your deal and leave her alone about it. But that's just how I see it. If it is a real source of contention for you ~ I'd suggest you meet/date someone who shares that particular interest with you. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 89 (view)

Lousy lovers Posted: 1/25/2013 4:40:59 PM
Op.. did it ever occur to your self -centered mind to start yourself a little earlier, have yourself really turned on before he starts ..geez I've had women , who at times, temporarily had difficulity reaching an orgasm...I would help in any way I could , but when it comes right down to it , the responsibility is HERS , and for you to lay there and expect the other partner to do all the work... has me wondering whom is the selfish one What's she supposed to do? Excuse herself to the other room, get out her bag of tricks, get busy and call him in 2-3 minutes before she's going to get all oooooowwww and ahhhhhh-ie? Geezus! If it's "her" responsibility to get herself to the point of orgasm, men would no longer be needed in a sexual context (well, except for those ladies who have a giving-oral-fetish, and I suppose they could switch teams if it were a "need", give in to the men who they no longer have any other need for, or ignore their innate need to go the oral-giver route.) No one indicated, including this particular OP, that she was just laying there waiting for fireworks. You remind me of my exhusband (by the language in this post.) Long ago, I asked why and his lovely lady had broken up and he said, "The sex. It was all about M*." I literally ROTFLMFAO (yes, in front of him) because he was, without a doubt, the most selfish/lousy/lazy lover I'd personally ever been with. And my guess was that M* actually wanted more from him than him walking into the room, which meant to him that sex was "all about her." Attitudes such as "It's her responsibility....." show a serious lack of interest/excitement in having a mutually satisfying sex life. VERY few women are capable of the "mind over matter" technique ~ therefor they require a bit more effort from a man than the minority. I've personally never had issues reaching orgasm with even the laziest/lousies of lovers. I HATE receiving oral and I require little to no foreplay in order to be personally satisfied ~ BUT? I am exceptionally lucky in that department and over the years, there have still been more than a couple of men who didn't understand that it isn't about what I can do all on my own, it's about their effort and the fact that they at least try to assist me, rather than to not worry about because they don't need to. And? Most men I've had open/honest communication with about my ease with such things, have been a bit disappointed they weren't fully responsible for my pleasure. So view it as you wish, but don't be too shocked that 99.9% of the female population would group you and your attitude in the "lousy/lazy" love category. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 51 (view)

Self Esteem Boost? Posted: 1/25/2013 12:16:54 AM
~OP~ Nearly 7 years ago when I joined this site, I had a fuuuuuuuuuuuuunny profile and I did get tons of email. I doubt I ever got 100's per day, but within about a year, I had been added to over 3,200 "favorite" lists (that number used to be on our profile.) Many of those first-contact emails were simple comments re: the profile, but ~ of all those who were sending a "get to know" you email? I did not meet/date anyone. Not one person. It took over two years before I met someone in person. Just because there's mail, doesn't mean there's interest. (And I know for a fact this works the very same for the men on this site. My ex-husband was here for a while and he got insane amounts of mail and when all was said and done, he only actually met two women.) On the note of paid sites? I preferred them when single. If I were single and looking today? I'd stick with "interest-based pay sites" as that's where I met the most compatible men back in the day when I was single. Everyone has their own take on this online stuff, but I think the vast majority of us do agree on one thing: the offline world is still the best option. Oh!!!! And that whole "ego boost" silliness? What nonsense. Only someone with absolutely NO self-esteem would take online attention as a means of feeling good/better about him/herself. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

thanks for meeting me is that code for we're not a match? Posted: 1/22/2013 4:08:16 PM
Yes, people do. As a matter-of-fact, I always thank someone for taking the time to meet with me. There is nothing odd about being respectful of someones time and effort. I don't believe I said one shouldn't thank someone for their time nor that anyone should ever disregard respecting another person. I said I find that particular verbiage odd. None of us know what we are getting into with internet dating. Too often people do a no show (as expressed in these forums.) So, when someone does meet with you, to thank them for doing so is proper ettiquet for some people...obviously, in your case not all, but to assume that those who do say thank you are using odd verbage??? Nah, why bother with a "thank you" for showing up? I simply slapped 'em on the ass, winked and walked away. Seriously???? Did I not clearly state exactly how I ended a one-n-done? With a "It was nice to meet you and thanks for ___________." Is that NOT proper etiquette in your opinion? And you're singing to the choir here when you state we don't know what we're getting with online dating. Did it on and off for 12 years. And in all of those years? I never, not ONE time, had a man say to me, "Thank you for meeting me." So apparently it's not only me who finds that verbiage unusual/uncommon/odd. If it were common, as many one-n-done's as I endured? I think I'd have heard it at least once. But hey, maybe since I haven't had to endure one of those in a reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally long time, "proper" thank-you's have changed. Well, I suppose it doesn't matter, you get to act, say and feel the way you want, as the rest of us do. But to the rest of the readers on this thread..."Thank You for meeting me" is definitely appreciated by some of us...especially when it is followed by "You're welcome (smile). I had a great time "and then "I did too" and then "Would you like to go out on an actual date next time?" and then a "Yes!(smile) Yes, I certainly would" which has happened to me often:) The irony is too funny to overlook here!! You scathe and make inaccurate personal judgments of me, and then you paraphrased exactly what I stated in my original post. I guess when you type it, it's nicer and more in line with proper etiquette ?? Interesting! (On one note, however? You are, exactly right. You're allowed and encouraged to do it however it works for you, just as I was when I was single.) JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

thanks for meeting me is that code for we're not a match? Posted: 1/22/2013 2:05:20 AM
Me personally, I think "coffee meets" are trite crap. I have very few rules when it comes to dating, but I'm not about to subject myself to a lame coffee meet where I have a time limit of 30 minutes to dazzle a woman. I have no desire whatsoever to pretend I'm on a f*cking gameshow battling against the clock for a grand prize or going through a "process". I couldn't agree more. I've noticed on several first meets, EVEN when the conversation is really good, women will say "thanks for meeting me" at the end, and then after, they never respond to a text or a voicemail again. Really? People actually say, "Thank you for meeting me." ???? That is not only odd verbiage, it's weird in context. "Thank you for meeting with me." is something you might say to a potential business associate, or your child's teacher, or a lawyer when you face felony charges, but a new person seeking something inter-personal? I think that's just plain odd language. (And I've never said it, nor have I ever heard it from someone I met.) Is this online dating code for "we're not a match"? I'd guess in regard to your experiences, yes, it's code for "we're not a match" in light of the fact you never hear from them again. It isn't any code-speak I'm familiar with, but it seems others here know the lingo, so I suspect it must mean something. I always tell people "I don't think we're a match" and never had a bad reaction really. I love that! "I've never had a bad reaction..........really." Like there were a few reactions that were bad, but not temper-tantrums or drinks thrown in faces type bad. ~OT~ When single, I don't recall one time needing to say, "I don't think we're a match." at the end of a first date. When a first date went well in my past, there was always a second date planned before the good-bye. If things didn't go so well, for either party, it was simply left with a "It was nice meeting you. Thank you for lunch (or whatever)." and that was that. Maybe this "Thank you for meeting me." thingie is just another way of stating that it was nice, but only nice enough for it to happen once. Maybe it's code for "one-n-done" and I just didn't encounter it. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Men who want to get married/have children and women who don't feel the same. Posted: 1/21/2013 11:00:13 PM
I love to move around and travel. That's impossible with a child. Who on earth told you it's impossible to move around and travel if you have a child or children?? Whoever told you that is either a liar or terribly closed-minded because I had a child 27 years ago and not only did we move around, we also did a great deal of traveling throughout his life-time. Have you ever encountered professional military people? The vast majority have children and the vast majority are required to travel/move around. There are innumerable famous people who are world-travelers and have children in tow. Only someone with no imagination, no sense of adventure, no sense of thinking outside-the-box would think having a child/children should or will take the adventure out of living. I found it quite the opposite. My son gave me a sense of wander-lust that was insatiable. I wanted him to see things, people, places well outside of our own backyard and in turn? I got to see/experience those things through my own eyes AND through the eyes of a child. And that??? That was priceless! (If you truly think marriage is a financial arrangement? You may wish to do a little research. Loans, insurances, etc., are just as assessable to those of us living together as those who are married. My SO and I live the same as every couple we know who are legally married. We share assets/debts, income/expenses, insurances, etc., etc., etc. For those who are marriage minded, their reasons very likely go well beyond something as simplistic as finances. If one's decision to be with a man is based on finances??? A roommate is a much better option than a husband. I get that you're young and likely will change your views in time, but I can assure you ~ marriage for the vast majority of people has very little to do with finances, until they begin fighting about money. That comes some time after the vows for most.) ~OT~ If men are wasting their time trying to get to know you after you make it more than clear how you feel about marriage and children, my only guess is that they're desperate. Given the reality that you are far more the exception than the rule (re: marriage/children), I can't think of any logical reason a man would pursue you knowing you hate the concept of marriage/children if he didn't feel the same. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Slightly confused so maybe somone can advise Posted: 1/19/2013 6:02:04 PM
A LOT of women aged 21 to 26 are looking for a man to have children with, and your already having one is going to put them off. They will be thinking that the children you have with them will have to share daddy with his "first-born boy child", that part of your income is already going towards maintenance for your first child. Sorry to whole-heartedly disagree, but this is an antiquated opinion (in my opinion.) Most people are either child(ren) people or they are not. That old adage "first born......" is not only outdated, but in the world as it turns today, it's not at all uncommon to be in one's 20s and have a child that is not being raised by both parents (in the same household.) Hell, that wasn't even the case 27 years ago when my son was born. I was a single Mom and there was NO shortage of men who were single fathers looking to date nor was there a shortage of men who didn't mind that I already had a child. Of course there are those who don't wish to date single fathers (or mothers for that matter) but by and large? I seriously doubt view it as, "No way! My child needs to be the first born child!" mentality. ~OP~ ^^^That being said? This whole, "My child is my life..." business won't fair well with the ladies (of any age.) I'm not sure if you state that or not (as I don't hawk profiles here) but if that comes across in your profile? You're killing the deal before it's even a deal. Most women are well aware our children are the focal point of our lives ~ spelling it out says, "He comes first! Period! If you date me? I may have time to fit you in, but I may not." and like it or not ~ not many are too thrilled about being time-filler. As for why you have such a young child and are single? That's no one's business until you deem it's someone's business. Mature people realize that things happen and the age of the child really has little to do with what transpired with that child's Mother. If someone is fixated on that, do you really wish to date them? If you want to air your dirty laundry, fine ~ but I wouldn't advise it til there's a reason to do so. Not many people want to hear the gruesome details of your last failure early on. At any rate? Online is a tough venue. If you're depending on the net to assist you in meeting women, you may wish to rethink your strategy. This is hit and miss, most often ~ miss. The offline world is still a much better option (in my opinion) and at your age, you should be able to engage in hobbies and things where you'll meet plenty of young datable ladies. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Trusting him Posted: 1/12/2013 9:38:35 PM
~OP~ I'm clearly odd-man-out here as I offer trust until it's proven that my trust is wasted. I've been lied to and cheated on, but that in no way means that everyone I encounter is of that ilk, therefor, I don't make anyone pay for the sins of my past (or my former inability to pick men who were worthy of being trusted.) Trust is an individual thing ~ some withhold it, some don't. I tend to roll best with those who offer it. It's definitely a "to each their own" on that note. As for you seeming to attract and being attracted to men who aren't trustworthy? I think you need to figure out why that is long before you worry about the people who don't have an ability to be honest/trustworthy. When we pick men that aren't good to us or for us ~ it's time to STOP picking any man at all and figure out why our pickers are so broken. Good luck. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Expectation: a four letter word? Posted: 1/11/2013 10:49:46 PM
~OP~ I guess my question to you is pretty simple: If you don't expect anything, what on earth do you allow??? Do you allow others to walk all over you and then feel slighted when they do? Do you allow yourself to be "last on the list" of all the people in your life, because you don't feel you should expect to be first? Or maybe do you expect nothing because it's easier to do that than to be disappointed when your expectations aren't met??? The way I see it? If you expect nothing, that's very likely exactly what you'll get. I think that if you can't define what you expect from others (not just a man/romantic partner ~ but ALL people you have relationships with) you're setting yourself up for a whole lot of being nothing more than a door-mat for all those you encounter. Basic human interactions should carry with them the expectation of: respect, decency, kindness, sincerity, honesty, etc. If you don't expect anything at all, what are you offering someone else? (Often times we expect what we offer.) I may be reading you wrong, but you read to me like someone who was treated like crap for 25 years and have learned to simply expect that, versus expecting to be treated differently than you were in your past. (I very well could be wrong, that's just how I read what you posted.) JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Wondering if... Posted: 1/11/2013 10:31:24 PM
~OP~ I didn't look to see how old you are and it really doesn't matter. You weren't born in the wrong era, you're just picking the wrong women/girls/ladies (whatever you call them/us.) Chivalry is a two way street. If you want a woman who will appreciate those things you find value in, you need to pay attention to the way the girls/ladies/women are that you're choosing to meet/date. Do they interrupt you when you're speaking? Do they return phone calls when promised? Do they arrive on time? Do they dress for the occasion and/or take time on their self for the date? Do they prefer that you call them rather than them calling you? Do they leave their cell phone off when in your company? Do they blah blah blah.....???? If you want someone to appreciate the niceties you offer, you need to meet women who offer you niceties. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

So here I am, 5 years later. Posted: 1/4/2013 6:14:24 AM
Now I know you may think, "well you're just not over her yet". Well let me ask you a few things, Am I not over her when I gave her the go ahead to get married? Why was it up to you, or even your business, to "give her the go ahead" to get married? Or when she was adamant on leaving him, and I did my best to convince her to stay with him out of fear that she'd try and come back to me? Why was she consulting you on her marriage? And if you're "fearful" she'll want you back ~ there's a REAL simple solution to that little issue ~ don't take her back!!! Is it possible to love someone but not want them back whatsoever? I don't know for anyone but myself, but I've loved someone dearly and post-break-up, I didn't want him back. I loved him for years and mourned the loss of the relationship for years. That did not change the reality that it was O-V-E-R. He tried for well over two years to reconnect/try again and I, not one time, even so much as entertained the thought. Also, don't you think 5 years is a bit of a stretch considering I've dated plenty and don't think about her..? 5 years a stretch? New Year's Day made 13 years since my divorce. I've had relationships, sure, but until my current spouse, I didn't even think in terms of true long-term. I KNEW I was embarking on short-term-serious relationships over the years and I made that fact clear. There's no such thing (in my mind) as too long to NOT be in a serious relationship. When it's right, it is ~ I don't believe there is a time-line for such things. She's with him, and I am not sure if I have taken the right procedures (if any) to just go on with my life. Also I don't contact her normally, I don't dream about her, and I don't have some fantasy of being with her again. After this seemingly pointless rant, I just want to know some opinions about what the hell is my problem? Why do you think you have a problem? You're in you're mid-twenties. Many people your age haven't had one serious relationship, let alone one serious enough to produce a child. Maybe I'm the odd-man-out here in forums ~ but why all the worry about this subject? Are you in college or have completed college? Are you providing for your child? Are you in a budding-career and working towards your future is school isn't your deal? Are you putting money in the bank, preparing for your future, traveling, enjoying hobbies/friends/family etc., etc.??? If "no" to any of those things ~ I'd suggest you stop worrying about adding a permanent woman to your life and enjoy your life. You can't believe how faaaaaaaaaaaaaast time passes and you'll never ever get this time back. As for the FaceBook thing? Why is this where you see pictures of your child? Can't her Mother email them direct to you? Or if you don't want that, how about her emailing them direct to a member of your family to forward to you? I dunno OP ~ there's just a myriad of stuff in your post that screams "two people who are playing games with one another." Maybe I'm wrong, but there just seems to be a very strange set of circumstances in your original post. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

How would you have felt? What would you have done? Posted: 12/9/2012 2:36:54 PM
~OP~ What you had is called a one-n-done. You just happened to get breakfast in addition. The longer you online meet/date, the more skilled you'll become with those particular types of meetings/dates. I'm not really certain if you were projecting your interest in thinking she was equally interested or not ~ but your first clue she wasn't was when she didn't text you back within an hour. As has been stated ~ when we're interested, we don't forget, we don't get too busy, we don't neglect to answer text messages. When we're interested ~ we ACT interested. Write it off to experience, don't get too excited in the future after one meeting/date and don't pay attention to who's online when after a date (that's a bit creepy! At least I think so.) JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 34 (view)

To what extent is something owed to your significant other? Posted: 12/9/2012 2:22:58 PM
~OT~ I find it odd that I'm the only one who seems to want to know why this OP was ONLY bothered by her tatts near her who-who. Maybe the problem aren't the tatts at all ~ rather something traumatized him as a child. Maybe she inked Yosemite Sam chasing the rabbit through the bush...?? Since the OP has left the building, it really doesn't matter but I'm with the consensus. She owes him nothing. And he shouldn't have changed for her either. This has "Relationship Failure 101" stamped allllllllllllllll over it. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 58 (view)

Is it too late to be a father at 45 ? Posted: 12/9/2012 2:10:36 PM
Whatever happens at least I have lived while I was fit and able to do so, my intended path in life is probably the reverse of of many who usually get married and kids then plan for retirement with the intention of travelling round the world or similar only to find health problems stops them and medical insurance won't cover them, I didn't want to settle down with regrets of not following my dream, now I have to see if I can do the other half or accept it is not going to happen and hope my sperm progeny will come knocking on my door lol. You live with thought patterns that I find exceptionally curious. Who told you that you can't have a child or children and still enjoy life? Who told you that children can't travel and be the best part of seeing the world? Seeing the world through the eyes of child is the most amazing thing one can be a part of, whether the "world" is literally the WORLD or the world in their own backyard. I'll purposefully had a child early in life so that he could see the world with me, experience ALL that life had to offer with me. While I know that some intend to raise their children living in one house, on one block, in one town, etc., etc., that isn't the ONLY way people choose to live when they have children. You could have been like those of us who had our children early in life and still been able to live life to it's fullest (by your own terms.) And had you done it that way? You'd not be wondering today if you'll ever get the opportunity. What I'm wondering......if you do have a child, do you intend to just simply grow old sitting in a chair, withering away? If so? I'd suggest you NOT have a child because that's would be unfair to any person, exceptionally unfair to a child. It may sound strange to some since I have done all my world travels and having seen it all, now preferring a more relaxing breaks in Europe either a sunny break in Spain or cultural trips instead. I think it's strange that you seem to have a script written for your life. But that's just me. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

Is it too late to be a father at 45 ? Posted: 12/8/2012 6:48:21 PM
~OP~ My exhusband has a 3 year old and a 5 year old. After we divorced, he met a woman and had two daughters with her. (He's currently 49.) Apparently it's not too late for everyone, but? Would I advocate YOU having a child at your age? Based upon what you've stated here? No. You read to me like someone's who's bored and thinks a child with fix what ails you. Sorry ~ but that's not a very good reason to have a child. My advice? I think you have two options: 1) Get off the net. Met a nice lady. Fall in love. Marry. Have a child if and when it happens; or 2) Buy yourself a trip to Bali and relax. This urge too, shall pass. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

how to best bring up the topic about being exclusive Posted: 12/2/2012 11:17:31 AM
If you guys have gone on more than 3 dates, the girl is exclusive, unless she works a strip club, or Hollywood and Vine......... Don't sweat it. Oh dear!! You're going to be one of those who posts in here wondering why she was dating others when you assumed she wasn't. Three dates hardly means exclusivity. Ten+ years ago I dated a man once a week for over a year and never once dreamed of being exclusive, didn't have sex and I dated a myriad of others at the same time. If you honestly believe 3 dates means exclusivity, I'm afraid you're going to be sorely disappointed......a LOT. That just isn't reality for the vast majority of people. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

Extremely sensitive issue: what to do when all is not kosher Posted: 11/30/2012 2:11:53 PM
I'm guessing about half the men reading these posts are going "Eeeeeeewwwwwww" and deciding maybe it's not so bad to sit home with just the sports channel, Blueray and pizza this weekend after all... HA! I maintain that if a man wants to roam around down there, he better be willing to talk about all that goes on down there. (But yeah, here it really isn't necessary, but it is fun once in a while to talk about something other than him just not being that into her. HEY! That's a funny sex pun. LOLOLOL)

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Please translate what this means after 1st meeting Posted: 11/29/2012 11:13:34 PM
Excuse me, but I only texted to say hi, not flirting back. I prefer to use the telephone like a civilized human being and speak, not type out a conversation. My spouse and I text all the time. Text is faster than our Sponge Bob walkie-talkies for things such as "wanna blow job" or "are you naked....?" You know ~ the usual things civilized adults say to one another. ~OP~ If you're emailing, moving to phone and moving to an offline meeting all in the span of a day or so? You're throwing out the "I'm ready for things to move reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal fast." vibe and most times, those who are all over an impromptu meeting are indeed, looking for sex. Don't misunderstand, most people (yes, woman AND men) are looking for sex, the vast majority however, aren't looking for insta-sex. If you're accepting a "date" on the day of the date, you're looking all sorts of interested in whatever is on the menu for the evening. How about emailing for a while, then talking for a while longer and then deciding if you and that person have anything at all in common, and then deciding if there's enough in common to warrant an in person meeting. (And for the record? Calling women who enjoy a healthy sex life "sluts" is not at all lady-like in my opinion.) Oh!!! And? I don't really really a crap why this guy cooled off (although I think the majority here is right ~ he's looking for insta-sex) I wanna know what you had in your possession that was his. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Extremely sensitive issue: what to do when all is not kosher Posted: 11/29/2012 10:29:19 PM
I just can't fathom how a woman could possibly forget about a tampon. Not only do they have strings attached, but I don't understand how she could be so lax about her hygiene that she would be intimate with a man without washing herself thoroughly first. Wouldn't she feel it up there? Well ~ I'm about as germaphobic and hygienically-obsessed as a human being can be and while I'll likely kick my own ass for posting this here ~ yeah, it happens. I didn't forget a tampon, per se. I forget a tampon, used another one and within a day of no longer needing them, knew something was off. I immediately went to my OBGyn and she confirmed that this not only happens, it happens a LOT. I was so whigged out that I googled and found ennnnnnnnnnndless forums on the subject and yeah ~ it does happen and it happens a lot according to my little research project. I was absolutely mortified and two things happened 1) I've ever inserted a tampon after 4-5 shots of Crown Royal again (since that's how I mistakenly did that to myself) and 2) I keep a written journal of when I use the damn things and this is 10++ years after the fact. The Tampon Monologues. So I can empathize with anyone who's done something so damn stooooooopid. ~OP~ I don't know how I'd handle it as I'm not inclined to get familiar with another woman's coochie, but her explanation to you about having a yeast infection? Anti-biotics cause yeast infections. I find it hard to believe she was taking them to rid herself of a yeast infection. In addition? That would be one nasty yeasty-beasty if it smelled as badly as you portray. It had either been there fermenting/growing for a long while or there was something much more amiss than a simple yeast infection (ok, ok, I digress...........the story just makes NO sense.) I'd not want to know what was amiss if this were a casual do-ha, I'd just want to vacate the area. If this happens again, simply put on your big-boy pants and gently ask what's up. I mean if you wanna poke around in there, don't you think it makes sense you should be able to talk about what's going on in there?????? JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

just irritated, in general Posted: 11/29/2012 10:08:29 PM
~OP~ and posting here is just like drunk texting. It seems like a really good idea at the time and then after the yacking and the headache tomorrow, it all comes back and then you really feel like a foolish jackass. The thing about POF forums and drunk posting? This shit stays here FAR longer than any drunk text. So? Here's to ya and here's to the hangover you're gonna have tomorrow. (Unfortunately? You're still you even when drunk and if this is how you feel about the human race whether drunk OR sober? I'd strongly suggest you either change you or you change those around you cause you're really missing out on a load of great people on this planet by spewing nastiness.) JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

how to best bring up the topic about being exclusive Posted: 11/29/2012 9:56:32 PM
~OP~ Men have been brainwashed into thinking women are complicated. While I think women are complex, not many are all that complicated (much like men.) We're really pretty simple, especially when on the subject of romantic entanglements. (I'm guessing 99% of the time) when we're into someone, they know it. I recall one man needing to inquire as to whether or not I was meeting/dating other men or whether or not we were exclusive. I had told him early on (just like this girl to you) that I was not interested in anything more than friendship. And I wasn't, with him. No one knows for certain what your friend is doing, but if she told you nothing more than friendship was in the cards, if I were you ~ I'd believe her. The only thing you can do is ask her and go from there. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 61 (view)

people who are listed as non smokers who don't do drugs yet use marijuana Posted: 11/27/2012 9:47:35 PM
So far as pot being legal in colorado and washington, illegal in the US; That just means your not going to get arrested within the state for possession for personal use. Intent for trafficing etc is still illegal Uhhh...no. Not sure what you're disagreeing with ~ but if it's the fact that possessing, manufacturing and/or selling pot, it is indeed, against Federal law in all 50 states (presently, including Colorado/Washington) then the correct answer would have been, "Uhhh...yeah." Marijuana is a controlled substance under the Federal Controlled Substances Act. Recreational use of marijuana is illegal in all 50 states and the District of Columbia. Growing, distributing and possessing marijuana in any capacity, other than as part of a federally authorized research program, is a violation of federal law. http://www.forbes.com/sites/deborahljacobs/2012/09/12/on-medical-marijuana-federal-law-leaves-states-in-purple-haze/ (I'd post the actual Statute, but no one likely gives a ratz azz. If in doubt about the above, please google.) ^^^I consider speaking openly about marijuana online to be a sort of public service. If I and others, weren't here to speak up for ourselves, some folks would have you all believing that pot smokers are listless, uninspired, moronic, baby-eating Satanists. Somebody has to try and stem the tide of incessant propaganda out there. Ya know? The more I read of your posts ~ the more I have a gut feeling that you're a bit of an over-reactor/over-exaggerator. You're contention that people think of pot-smokers as the Spawn of Hell is interesting, in a completely off-the-wall sort of way (at least it's oddly interesting to me ~ however? You're dead wrong in your assessment. People don't have to think negatively of a person to dislike what they do. Maybe try to distinguish yourself separate from your pot smoking instead of you capitalizing on the fact you smoke that shit. You're far more focused on your habit than 99.9% of the people you're going to encounter. I heard once long ago, "If you make ________ an issue, it'll be an issue." Maybe if you'd stop making this such an issue for yourself, it wouldn't be such an issue.) I know quite a few elderly ladies who appreciated hearing about how much medicinal marijuana has improved my life. There are more and more elderly people showing up at the local dispensary every day - the word is getting out. Not one of them has turned into an axe wielding maniac...lol And just what do you deem "elderly"? If you're passing along your "wisdom" to people in their 80's ~ and those are the "elderly" you speak of ~ I'd have to wonder if they're running out to their MD's office in hopes of scoring some eternal buzz they lost when their memories naturally went south. I don't believe for one minute that the average "elderly" person is all atwitter about adding pot to their daily regime of things to do to keep them healthy or as young as possible. Now if "elderly" to you is people my age? You likely aren't turning them on to anything they've not already been long aware of. You seem to "taking credit" for something that a physician should be promoting (or rather, prescribing.) I suppose if you think taking credit for promoting some assumed "value" of pot ~ that's more than fine. People get self-satisfaction from all sorts of odd sources. If that's your source? OK. But???? How about if you were to leave your pot-obsession at home, for your private life, get out and promote volunteerism, or world peace, or civil rights or something? Take up a few hobbies not pot-oriented. You just might find the rewards would be a slew of new friends, a GF (if you want one of those) and a great deal of self-satisfaction not centered around something that you deem is medicinal. Not many cancer patients wander around promoting morphine they take for their pain. Not many diabetics wear signs claiming that insulin is the best thing since sliced bread. I've yet to see an amputee promoting their prosthetic limb(s) to the masses. Why, if your usage is medicinal, do you crusade rather than simply leave it private? That just makes little (well, NO sense) to me. (Just sayin'.) ~OT~ To each their own. It's really pretty simple in my mind. Don't like pot? Make it clear and if/when someone isn't honest about their interest in smoking ~ don't see them again (any more.) JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 57 (view)

What makes a girl go from dating material to girlfriend material to wife material? Posted: 11/21/2012 9:26:24 PM
You're not wrong. However being independent, emotionally secure, and all that isn't mutually exclusive to being affectionate and taking care of them. That's the disconnect. People tend to think that those aspects can't coexist ... I'm sure you're correct. The interesting thing about some of those particular traits? I was married to someone that loved I was independent, until he didn't. That was one of his chief complaints about me as a woman. Oh, he loved that I had a career and didn't require much of his attention, but he once said to me, "Do you know how hard it is to love a woman who doesn't mind being needed but needs no one?" At that time, I didn't give that a second thought because the marriage was to the eulogy/bury it stage. But when I did a reinvention of self post divorce that was one of the first items on my list of things to evaluate and change if I felt I needed to. And boy did I need to. Often times certain traits which seem like good things ~ aren't always so good. And yeah, I know all about the "healthy amounts" and "middle ground" but independence is terribly hard to get just right, especially when sharing a life with someone. I truly believe a long-time-fellow-forum-poster has it right ~ it's not independence that's the best, it's being interdependent with someone. I believe that's fairly rare and possibly why so many relationships fail. But that's just how I see it. Really I think that guys will want to marry you if you help them be the best person they can possibly be without making them feel like a shit in the process. I agree. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 53 (view)

What makes a girl go from dating material to girlfriend material to wife material? Posted: 11/20/2012 11:10:35 PM
~OT~ It's interesting to me that so many women think it's all about how independent they are, how emotionally connected they and the man are, etc. In the past (nearly) 13 years I've been proposed to an embarrassing number of times. Given the fact that I ONLY met/dated men who'd never been married, it was strange ~ even to me. Why did those men suddenly become marriage minded? Because I LOVE to take care of my man. Yep ~ it's just that simple. I love nothing more than doing the things SO many women either have no interest in doing, refuse to do or don't really even know how to do. Because my break-ups were always amicable, I have actually asked three of those men exactly what made me marriage material when their ex's just weren't. The answers were the same: 1) they'd never been taken care of by a woman they were romantically involved with; and 2) wicked-good sex and lots of it (oddly ~ I never thought the sex was mind-blowing, but apparently for those three it was.) So while I think we'd all like to think men want to marry a women who is independent, emotionally secure, intelligent, etc., etc., etc., I think it's much simpler than any of that. They just want to be loved, tended to, cared for and put first on our list of priorities. I could be wrong ~ or maybe I just happen to know 5-10 men who are the only men on the planet who wanted to be taken care of. I truly believe it's just simple, old fashioned wanting to be treated as a man by a woman without all of the other junk getting in the way. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

I ate her out, giving her herpes 1 on her private area, now she may sue me. Posted: 11/20/2012 10:47:55 PM
~OP~ I think you're a troll but I'm bored so I'll indulge ya. She's filling you full of shit. If she wants you to pay for her medical bills and medication ~ OK. One MD visit? $200.00 tops. Valtrex or the other meds used to treat genital herpes? Let's guess $200.00. So you're out $400.00. Tell her you want copies of the bills ~ pay the providers or her (if she can produce proof of payment if already paid) and tell her to move along. There's no way in hell you will EVER know if she'd been abstinent for years (as she told you) and there's no way she can prove you gave her genital herpes via your mouth. Best case scenario for her is that you'll cough up the cash out of some weird sense of guilt. She had unprotected sex right along with you ~ that's a two parted problem and opens the legal door to dual culpability. Had she required you to use a dental dam, maybe she'd have a bit more of a chance, but even then? Nah. JMO You are reading a sex forum and got grossed out reading about oral sex....hmmm that makes alot of sense. Right?

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 99 (view)

Bondage (BDSM) Posted: 11/20/2012 7:16:31 PM
Well, I have heard that but people are all different.... When you say bondage really isn't about sex, you are talking about yourself.... I and almost all my partners are totally into it as foreplay and a way to elevate sex. **ing is great, **ing while tied up is fantastic. I just don't get how you can have an attractive woman bound and helpless, do all kinds of stuff to her ( that she loves) and then not do anything.... but I do realize some people feel differently. There is mental bondage, emotional bondage and yes, bondage play that doesn't lead to sex. While I think most assume bondage is sexual play ~ in the past 15+ years, I've been bound many more times without it leading to sex than the alternative. And while I'm totally ga-ga over mental/emotional bondage, I'm not all atwitter about physical bondage. So my interpretation is that yes, there can indeed be bondage without ropes, gags, hoods, ties, cuffs/collars. It's definitely one of those "to each their own" things. i just googled it, i dont want a doormat for a woman so its not for me sorry. outside the bedroom she would be my equal and be treated like a princess I think you need to do a little more than google, because I live a traditional 1950's life and I am anything BUT a doormat. My spouse and I have very clearly defined gender-roles and there's no doubt that he's the head of this household but there is NO confusing that we are equals in this relationship. Just because some of us choose to be lead, doesn't mean we're not equals. My strengths are vastly different than his. My strengths are respected, utilized, needed and freely offered to the partnership ~ just like his are. And although I have been a member of the BDSM lifestyle for 15 years or so, he'd never heard of such things. He's naturally dominant, knew his entire adult life he wanted a woman capable of being his equal, yet capable of being the one to run the household, make the house a home, tend to his individual needs/wants/desires. He has never NOT taken me into consideration in any decision he makes and because of that ~ I question none of his decisions. He has a HUGE responsibility in all of this because it's his "job" to keep me safe, happy, healthy (in all regards) and in return he's treated with respect/admiration/love/acceptance and never wavering faith and trust. And yes, I'm a spoiled. Overly so by my accounting. His motto? "What my Baby wants, my Baby gets." There's no one in our circle who's not heard that at least once from him. There's nothing that would suggest to me or anyone else, that I'm treated in a "lessor" fashion because of our preferences. We simply do what's in each of our natures: he leads, I choose to allow him to do so. So if you're viewing a traditional-1950s household as a tyrant/dictator and a doormat? I'd suggest you dig a little deeper into the realities. You very well may be confusing a D/s or 1950s with a M/s (Master/slave) relationship, I don't know. But I do know, you didn't get a glimpse of the real world of a 1950s household/relationship. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 34 (view)

people who are listed as non smokers who don't do drugs yet use marijuana Posted: 11/20/2012 6:51:23 PM
Every single time I see some woman's profile with that stupid filter on it, I just roll my eyes. Another woman who won't even get the chance to learn what she might be missing out on. I have a wicked hatred of pot. I seriously doubt any pot-smoker would want to hear my rants/views on that particular subject. So am I missing out or would the pot-smoker be missing out on me being a total azz about their habit? You may wish to view this to your advantage. People who hate pot aren't missing out on you ~ you are missing out on us and our close-minds. The part that gets me is how brutally stupid the very idea of having such a filter is in the first place. Do you really think some heroin addict who wants to rip you off is going to tell you about it on his profile? Why not have an "Are you a rapist"? question while we're at it? These filters cannot protect you in the way you wish they could, they simply prevent honest people from contacting you. Seriously? You're a chronic user and yet you feel it's OK to label other chronic users as thieves? Where do you get the idea that heroin addicts are all thieves? It's not only strange (to me) that you do this ~ it's way hypocritical in my opinion. To place all drug users on a street-mentality is ridiculous. An addict is an addict ~ whether doctor ordered or not, but common sense tells most of us that not all addicts are criminals. The difference I see between the heroin users and the pot smokers I personally do know? The pot smokers Jones for junk-food and have the tell-tell-cotton-mouth-lips (that icky white crusty stuff that coagulates in the corners due to needing a Big Gulp) and the heroin addicts don't. The rapist comment? Really? A violent criminal is a far cry from a heroin OR pot user. And NO, the filters do not ONLY keep honest people from contacting other honest people. The filters kept people out of my inbox who were: too old, too young, too far away, not divorced, not looking for what I was looking for, those who'd contacted others wanting intimate encounters, those who had children, as well as other things. When single, I saw no logical reason to waste my time or someone else's nor did I want my time wasted. I was never disappointed when I saw a profile of interest, yet didn't meet their restrictions. All that meant is that person wasn't for me and I wasn't for them. Ad homonym, the argument that the "do you use drugs" question could possibly include prescription drugs (which are MEDICATIONS) and even coffee (caffeine, as some have argued) is a pathetic attempt to get around providing a straight answer. You, and everyone else on POF, knows to what POF is referring when they ask that question. How anyone can honestly argue that POF is asking if someone has taken a prescription med or if they drink coffee is a ridiculous, and simply a way to try to "fog up" the waters a bit. Of course everyone knows what this question means. It's ludicrous to even try to argue the reality. (And it's only those who are defensive who try to argue the reality!) While you may try to say that people will assume you're a meth addict, at least in my eyes, when I see a yes answer there, I actually assume people mean they smoke pot. That's exactly what I assume. I think most people don't assume that someone is a hard-care meth addict or heroin junkie when they see yes for that question. While those who do use those drugs should also answer yes to the question, the majority of drug users are those who use pot, so that is what I assume someone who answers yes is. Yep. And the interesting thing? I know a couple of heroin addicts (through my professional endeavors) and guess what? I can't with clear conscious call them "junkies." When living in the mid-west in an inner-city, I saw many junkies. Sad, sad state of affairs. But the two people I know? They're not street-users, they're not stung out in appearance, they have careers, families, pay their bills, volunteer their time, go to the gym, their kids' functions, etc. It's a reaaaaaaaaaaaally strange deal. Not only functional ~ but excelling in their lives. Strange as it is, it's true. The one time I knew (for a fact) one was high, I thought he was stoned on pot. In the end, it doesn't really matter anyway. If someone chooses not to date you because you smoke pot, they aren't "missing out"; they are simply recognizing that you are not a good match with them. I don't hang around anyone who smokes pot because the very smell of it makes me physically ill (I start to dry heave and can't breathe). Exactly the same for me. Just like those who drink coffee. I can NOT stand the smell. Now that's a tough one because most people do drink coffee. I can't be around it, refuse to have it in my home and have never been inside a place that caters to coffee drinkers. Talk about restricting out the masses! The reason why someone smokes is irrelevant (whether it's medical or medicinal) because I still can't stand to be around it. Therefore, anyone who does partake would not be a good match for me because being around them and smelling them (even if it's hours later) will make me sick to my stomach. Why would someone want to date someone who makes them want to vomit? ^^^This isn't the only thread on this subject if you can believe that. There are a lot of people out there who don't interpret these things the way you do or share in your harsh anti-drug viewpoint. Using prescription drugs is just as "important" an issue to some folks as you and the scent of pot. Abusing prescription drugs is a societal problem that is often discussed in the news media. Pot IS a prescription drug. Pot is used for medicinal purposes. I don't believe anyone is disputing that. A good number of people make a distinction between hard/soft, legal/illegal or addictive/non-addictive. And just what do you deem "non-addictive"? Alcohol is addictive. Pot is addictive. Heroin is addictive. Morphine is addictive. Caffeine is addictive. Nicotine is addictive. Hell, food can be addictive just like I'm addicted to cleaning. Yep ~ tis true. I'm addicted to spotlessness. My ex-husband was addicted to hunting. Shopping is the drug of choice for some. There is no end to the list of things someone can become addicted to. And I think most people are pretty astute to those realities. Why does this matter to the topic at hand is my question....??? There is woman in my own town who has a username like MaryJane69 or something who describes herself as "420 friendly" who also happens to use the "Must not do drugs" filter. I'd love to find out what she was thinking but I never will it seems. Not everyone takes as harsh a stance on this subject as you do. There are many who do. They just likely don't post in forums on POF. Military or law enforcement folks like that filter too for obvious reasons. And that obvious reason is? It's illegal? Oh the nerve of those law abiding citizens. Shame shame shame on them. There are, however, even law enforcement personnel who aren't staunchly opposed to pot: http://spdblotter.seattle.gov/2012/11/09/marijwhatnow-a-guide-to-legal-marijuana-use-in-seattle/ I simply think filters are counter-productive and one that is so broad and vague is simply much more so. And you're more than entitled to that thought. Whether I hate pot or not wouldn't have changed a thing about my profile because I not only used the filters, I used them to the full extent they were available. And guess what? It took me 6+ years to get it done, but the man who fit EVERY single one of my filters showed up and made all of those years so well worth the wait. I always maintained that I'd rather fit a loooooooooooong list of someone's wants versus being nothing more than someone who was just suitable to someone else. If you're serious about meeting someone and wanting a future with that person, isn't it logical that you'd want to be ALL they were looking for, not just a warm body? JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Has anyone waited for someone they thought was 'the one'? Posted: 11/20/2012 2:31:42 PM
~OP~ I waited an entire lifetime for the "one." And when he appeared, there was no question about time being spent together. He made time for me and I made time for him. He put me first on his list and I did the same. Anything lessor is time-filler in my opinion. (And I should know, I did more than my fair share of filling-time over the years.) If you aren't finding time for one another, you aren't that into each other. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 65 (view)

Women receiving oral slutty/selfish? Posted: 11/19/2012 8:13:43 PM
sorry but if you get the a scenario where oral sex goes down.. and no actual sex takes place, there is something real wrong with that picture. 1st date or not really anything can happen as adults. who cares what date it is to begin with? really all that matter are circumstances and if its right it right. who is to say otherwise? but for something to happen and not go further would be awkward. least it has never happened to me. It may have never happened to you ~ that doesn't mean there's something wrong. And to quote you? "Who is to say otherwise?" Just because YOU don't get it ~ doesn't mean that the rest of us don't totally understand the whole concept of oral and nothing else needing to happen. ~OT~ The last time I had an "Oh, that's so slutty." moment is when I learned that cats can have a litter of kittens with more than one DNA donor and I think I was like 15 at the time. My cat was a prosti-cat and I was seriously stressed by that fact. Today? Eh ~ I see nothing wrong with what cats do. Nor do I give a crap about what other women do. If someone needs to test drive the tongue of her date ~ she should do so.

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

What makes a girl go from dating material to girlfriend material to wife material? Posted: 11/19/2012 6:56:13 PM
They just listed the things that women want that men don't care about, like emotional closeness, companionship, economic stability.... At my age ~ and having been single muuuuuuuch more of my adult life than not, I can assure you ~ those answering that men don't care about emotional closeness, companionship and economic stability were either liars or they were an itsy-tiny-fraction of the male population, because I don't know ONE man who thinks along those lines nor have I EVER dated a man who didn't find all of those things prerequisites to a relationship consisting of more than simple dating to socialize or FB/FWB deal. However, when I finally do find a man that treats me with more respect, I begin to fall for him, and he won't commit. Lately, I can't get a boyfriend, but previously I was dumped by a boyfriend of four years, and a boyfriend of two years, with no marriage proposals. Maybe the fact you've been dumped twice is the reason you think you're being viewed as a sex object. I'd like to think I'd understand men better seeing as though they are supposedly "simpler" than woman. However, they do not open up about their feelings like women do. I can point you in the direction of a few men that are more than hung-up on sharing their feelings. Those types wear me the hell out and quickly. "Let's Share Shawn" might be right up your alley if you're into all of that emotional drivel stuff. (OP? I think you're far too into stereo-typing than is healthy. Men are just as multi-faceted as women. If you have never encountered men who want more than sex from you, don't share their feelings with you, don't think in terms of marriage with you ~ I'm going to suggest there is something about you keeping them from doing these things because my history would tell you quite the opposite.) They lie to spare our feelings, and clam up when talking about relationship issues. No ~ they don't all do this. So, please help with some HONEST answers guys! Who knows, girls who read this may actually end up giving you what you want :-) Thanks! By and large, men want all that goes along with a relationship just as much as the ladies want that. If you aren't finding that in the men you meet/date or have relationship with? Do that math! The only common denominator in the equation is YOU. You meet 10 men, they all treat you as a sex object ~ what's the only thing those 10 men have in common? You. Maybe the thing you should be seeking out is how it is that you pick men who act as they do towards you. (Oh, and it's really important to remember two things: 1) You get what you allow.; and 2) What you accept in the beginning, you an expect in the end.) JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

people who are listed as non smokers who don't do drugs yet use marijuana Posted: 11/18/2012 3:18:19 PM
~OP~ I endured a few of those surprises when I was meeting/dating. One guy reeked so badly that I smelled him before I saw him. ICK!!!! How can you avoid those meets in the future? Don't meet/date off the net. Yep ~ that's the only way I'm afraid. Even if you ask, you still run the risk. I can recall at least three men over the years who staunchly denied using and later used the "medicinal purpose" excuse for why they did smoke. None of the three could explain why they lied to me (maybe they were stoned and forgot?) You can screen all you want, but being realistic is a much better option (I think.) Because I am outspokenly anti-pot ~ I did what made sense to me: put a disclaimer in my profile. I let it be known that I had NO interest, regardless if it was medicinal or not, in anyone that indulged, even once in a while, in smoking pot. The simple fact I spelled it out worked seemed to solve the problem for me. Good luck to ya!

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Skeptical first meet Posted: 11/17/2012 12:35:30 AM
Where the hell did THIS nonsense come from???? Jesus, even when a woman goes Dutch it's not enough for this ridiculous crowd. Hey, maybe she'll change the OP's oil in his car, sex him up real good AND pay for his dinner all on their next date - perhaps then the OP will stop whining and you'll stop throwing out such unjustified and ludicrous conclusions. Christ, my head is going to explode. (Thank you!!! My thoughts exactly!!!) ~OP~ Nice to read something in here besides gloom/doom/trauma/drama/hate and discontent! Congrats on making it through a DATE not just a meet/greet!! (And for the record? Way back in the day before people were truly skeptical and fearful and worried about spending $10.00 on another person without something in return? We called what you did with the young lady a DATE! And most often? We let them pick us up at our home and most often invited them in to meet our cat before going to dinner AND? Yep. We invited them in afterward to chat or watch tv or whatever. Good for you for inviting her and good for her for going back to watch a movie or whatever ya' all did! Don't fall pray to the negative BS in here ~ just do more of what you did on your date and ENJOY!!!) JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

should I list widowed? Posted: 11/16/2012 8:21:31 PM
~OP~ As usual, I'm in a bit of opposition with others here. I live with my SO. I call him my spouse. Not my BF, not my friend, not my partner ~ he's my spouse. If he were to die, I'd no doubt feel that I am widowed. I knew a lesbian couple years ago and one tragically died suddenly/unexpectedly. I don't recall anyone questioning her partner's marital status, she was "widowed" when we spoke to her and of her. While the word "widow" is defined as a "woman who's husband has died and she has not remarried" ~ times have changed since Webster wrote his book. As times change, labels change in meaning as well. However, regardless of what I'd label you (my personal opinion? You're widowed.) I'd not put that in my profile here. There have been too many discussions in here about widows/widowers and they are usually not very positive in nature (sad as that is.) I think I'd do what has been advised here and simply use "single." I'd not jump into details with just anyone because you're right ~ many will feel there is a competition factor (odd as that is!) My only child died a few years ago and I have a terrible time when strangers ask me how many children I have. I'll always have one son. But when I say "one" that leads to "How old is he?" My point? No matter how you answer the inevitable questions about your SO who died, there will most likely always be some gray area needing explained. (So very sorry for your loss and good luck to ya!) JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

When they ask you how many people are you talking to? Posted: 11/16/2012 8:08:50 PM
"Am I the only girl you are talking to?" When I was single and attempting to do the online stuff, I figured out that right after "What do you do for a living?" came "How many children do you have?" and then? "How's this online thing going for you?" I generally tried not to state the glaring obvious, but really? How's the online thing going for me? Hmmm. "I'm in a long term committed relationship, head over heals in love, can't wait to marry this man and have 2.5 of his children." would have been my sarcastic answer, but tooooooooooooooooooo many have NO sense of irony/sarcasm or humor, so I refrained. I guess maybe I think literally, but if I was still here, didn't it stand to reason it wasn't going all that terrific? At any rate ~ I too was plagued with the "How many men are you communicating with?" silliness and I had never deviated from my answer: "Why do you ask?" 99.9% of the time I got silence as an answer. I believe one time I did hear, "Because I don't do competition." I never, not one time, asked anyone that question. Personally? I wouldn't answer it ~ it's no one's business until it becomes their business and that's a ways after you actually meet for real. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

need advice Posted: 11/15/2012 9:10:44 PM
Am I wrong to be mad because my fiance wants to go with his ex to make a car payment with his ex Yes, because you're here searching for a long term relationship. Good luck with that whole wedding thingy ! Yeah, that could have something to do with things. Am I wrong to be mad because my fiance wants to go with his ex to make a car payment with his ex so he can see his 3 year old daughter? Yep ~ you're in the wrong. When originally she was suppose to come to our house but now he is telling me not to take off work to go . But once I pitched a fit about it he says that he is not going to go. Just wondering if I am in the wrong for feeling the way I do about it? Also there is a good reason why I feel the way I do but I won't go into that now. Sorry OP ~ there's NEVER a good reason to get between a parent and time with child. If you think he should not see the Mother of that child, you need to find yourself a man without a 3 year old because there is a lifetime of years when he'll be seeing the Mother of his child. (And if you even think of blaming the Mother of that child for silliness? You need to STOP IT because that is the Mother of his child and you and he BOTH need to get along with her for the benefit of the child. In other words? Be an adult, even when others aren't being.) JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Not sure if I should stay with it?? Posted: 11/15/2012 8:27:35 PM
Here's how I look at it....When u have something good, why leave it to look for something else? You're a dream-come-true to a good many single people here on this site! (Many here don't believe you need more than just "good" while the others of us call that "settling.") Cuz even if u do leave her cuz ur not in love with her anymore, u may realize afterwards that she was perhaps the best thing that happened to u but then it would be too late to go back to her. Wow! No offense to you personally, but this is likely one of the saddest statements about love I've ever read in here. I know that some people stay in relationships for all sorts of whacky reasons, but I've never, ever, ever, read that someone should stay because down the road, they MAY think they gave up something great. Interesting. Sad in so many ways ~ interesting to me nonetheless. ~OP~ I know exactly what you're typing about. I've been in two relationships over the past 20 years that on paper/in the eyes of others, were great. But to me? I didn't feel the feelings needed (for me) to continue. In both cases, I thought it over and knew that I was being unfair to the other party to continue and had been being unfair to myself to continue as long as I had. If you aren't feeling it, regardless of what is printed on paper or what family/friends say ~ do the right thing and let her go. You're doing no one any favors by continuing in hopes you'll one day resurrect something that died along the way. I'm certain that has happened to a few (resurrection, that is) but I do not believe that's a common occurrence. I think that anyone who's been left will tell you ~ it's better to be left sooner than later if the other party is no longer "in love" with you. Good luck to you both. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 78 (view)

How long does it take for you to get over your ex? Posted: 11/15/2012 6:13:34 PM
A six month relationship shouldn't be that hard to get over. It took me over 6 years to get over ... It doesn't really matter how long the length of the relationship was, sometimes what matters most are the feelings attached to the relationship. I was over my divorce before the Judge signed the papers. That had been a dying relationship for years and was dead/buried within a few short months of me making him vacate my home (8 months prior to the final papers.) I slept all night the very first night he was gone and that never stopped. Not one tear, not one moment of missing him, not one moment of "what if...." and definitely not one moment of wanting him back. On the other hand? I had a year-long relationship that took me 2.5 years to "get over." The situation is far more a determining factor (at least to me) than the length of time the relationship lasted. (And I never ever get caught up in post-break-up dramatics. What a waste of frickin' time/energy that is.) JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 67 (view)

Not wanting to have kids?? Posted: 11/11/2012 11:27:34 PM
children are over rated, selfish, and damn hard work! and very little reward for all the paind and hard work! Wow! Do your children know you despise them? What an awful thing to think, let alone say out loud on the www where anyone you know can read it. (And you couldn't be more wrong. Maybe your children weren't worth the work. Maybe they were selfish. That doesn't mean jack about the vast majority of children.) Not wanting to have kids?? OP? In the 30 years I've dated and/or been in relationships, I've only ever been involved with one man who had children prior to knowing me. I prefer men with no children and have had absolutely no problem meeting/dating those who matched my preference. While I had a child of my own, I knew very early on in my adult life that I was sooooooooooo not step-mother material and I didn't wish to mislead anyone into thinking differently. I see absolutely nothing wrong with men and/or women who've not hand children and don't want to. My BF has never been married, never had children nor does he want children. He's perfect in that regard (for me, that is.) There will be plenty of women who aren't interested in you due to your preferences, but there are some who'd find you perfect for them, just as I view my BF's take on this subject. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

What went wrong?! Posted: 11/11/2012 11:16:57 PM
I remembered and picked up on every little detail she didl, said, or liked. She even asked me how come I remember so much about her. (?Well I like you) and how it was a great trait to possess. I treated her all over the place, made it possible for her to see the things she didn't have time to before and I was always attentive of her needs. It may just be the way you are describing it, but I think I'd feel a bit smothered if someone was THAT attentive and actively making sure he showed me that he remembered every little detail I'd ever told him. My thought(s) exactly. ~OP~ There is a very fine line between interest and over-interested. My BF and I live in the same house and he is generally, what I'd consider, attentive to my needs ~ but if he remembered every little detail? I'd tell him he needs a hobby. As for why she said you aren't a match? I'd believe her if I were you. And being that you're 0-1 not 0-100 ~ I'd strongly suggest you not take these things overly personally because if you online date for any length of time, you're going to be in this situation many more times than 1. Another thing not to take too personally is the idea that the sex didn't work for her. Sexual compatible is a hard thing to find and if it's not there, it's just not. It could be something as simple as kissing styles not working well together. These things happen ~ nothing wrong on your part, nothing wrong on her's. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 211 (view)

Body Issues? Posted: 11/11/2012 10:31:32 PM
I've been seeing somebody(he likes bigger gals) and all my body issues I have been keeping to myself. lol I'm trying to adopt "FAKE IT TIL YOU FEEL IT" meaning I pretend that I feel beautiful, walking around stark naked and all in front of him. (yeah I know, wayyyyyyy to much info lol) he didnt seem to mind at all. but my issues are always there in the back of my mind. hopefully with time and practice they will diminish. I give you a standing ovation! (Fears being addressed always deserve a standing O I think.) And? I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I HATE to be naked. HATE it. I live with my spouse and he's never one time seen me completely naked. 20 years ago when we dated it was the same. I have no sagging skin, no stretch marks, no scars, no obvious oddities in shape, size or textures. I'm exceptionally comfortable with my body and how it looks. Why not naked? I'm a tad OCD and I do not like the sensations on my skin when not clothed. Fabrics not usually worn (like furniture) will linger on my bare skin for hours and hours and it's so exceptionally unnerving for me that I simply do not do it. I don't even wear shorts in the summer for this very reason. The really sad thing about the majority of people? They'll tell you that YOU need to change. You need to be comfortable not being comfortable. You need to get over yourself and be naked in front of your man. You are lacking self-esteem if you aren't naked. Naked, naked, naked. PFT!!! Even if I liked being naked I'd totally disagree with that. There's not a damn thing wrong with a man changing his interests in seeing you naked if you aren't 100% comfortable with that. In all of my adult years, through various LTRs, a marriage, a number of sex-included-dating-situations, etc., I never had a man tell me he was disappointed that I'd not roam around naked in front of him. There are so many ways to be sexy, alluring, sensual, etc., and still be covered (body stockings are great, for example) and I think it's really rather pathetic that most people think we should accommodate. If a man judges your "trust" or your this/that/the other based upon whether or not you'll roam around naked in front of him when you don't want to and are "faking it" or pretending it's OK for you? He's not a man I'd want in my life (granted, you may feel differently than I do.) I do completely understand why you're doing what you're doing ~ but I think, no ~ I know for a fact, there are men out there who love us even if we don't cook bacon nude for them. Do what you want to do. If you like the idea and you think it's giving you self-confidence, by all means. Go wild!!!! If it causes you grief at all ~ don't do it. JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Do you think we make dating / falling in love/ reproducing harder than it really should? Why? Posted: 11/11/2012 8:46:41 PM
Do you think we make dating / falling in love/ reproducing harder than it really should? Why? Yes. I just read two pages of analyzing and over-analyzing about sending a text. ONE text. If people can't decide whether to send ONE text or not and need the help of strangers to make that decision??? I think it's fairly safe to say that yes, many do indeed make dating/falling in-and-or-out of love much more difficult than it needs to be. In answer to your question - YES!!! the thing that makes it harder than it has to be - conditional strings attached, bottom line. you should offer love just for the sake of it, without strings, and without expectation of the person you love conforming to your (anyone's) unrealistic ideal. Everything in life has conditions ~ even love (i.e.: thou shalt not cheat/lie or thou will likely end up alone, thou shalt not steal the neighbors car of thou will go to jail, thou shalt not eat too many fatty foods or thou will gain weight, thou shalt not drop out of school or thou won't be able to find gainful employment, thou shalt not x, y, z or thou shall _________. Yes, in a perfect world we should offer love without keeping score (i.e.: I want in return what I offer theory) but few people are brave enough to do so. Sadly! If people would deal with and love themselves first and not make their own happiness contingent on their partner's behavior, then there wouldn't be half the problems there are. It doesn't get any truer than that! (Again, too bad it doesn't work that way.) people not taking responsibility for what happens in their love lives, believing that love just won't happen for them, that's another reason too. wah wah wah (whining). that's how people make it more difficult. Yep! Self-fulfilling prophecies. Or is that self-defeating ??? prophecies? (Either way, those types of attitudes are destined to fail, not just in love ~ but in life, love AND the pursuit of happiness.) do you think we do this? Maybe you heard how the story goes. Boy meets girl or girl meets boy. I am not sure what other species makes this ritual more complicated. I dunno for a fact, but there are other species in which mating is quite difficult. Not long ago I saw some elk in rut. The poor youngster couldn't bugle as well as his much-older-experienced competition and there were about 20 cows all vying for a crack at the champion bugler while the more fit, younger bull was standing there looking all sorts of dejected/frustrated. Now in the world of human beings, that type of ritual is pretty fundamental (in regards to mating) but I'll bet the youngster was thinking it was pretty damned unfair and complicated. (Complication is subjective to all sorts of factors.) Just sayin'! To help the forum discussion for example, Sorry ~ that made me laugh. Either you're fairly new here or you haven't spent much time in here. We (the forumites, that is) can discuss a 50 cent cup of coffee and who pays for that cup of coffee for 35+++ pages. I don't think most of us need examples to guide us into opinions on any subject.) LOL :wink ~OT~ I don't believe people make things more complicated necessarily. It IS complicate. And I personally believe it should be complicated. I'm a firm believer that the more complicated the "finding" process is ~ the more likely it is that "forever" may happen (and even with the ideal-on-paper person, there is always the chance forever will remain elusive.) When we don't have a firm grasp on the things we truly want in another (our "list" for lack of a better word) we're likely to land with someone that won't work out long term. I once wasn't overly concerned with things such as sexual chemistry, intellectual similarities, sense-of-humor commonalities, matching goals for the future, matching views on education, financial equality, etc., etc. (Physical chemistry was always of utmost importance to me, so that's a moot point for me.) All of those things I didn't find much importance in were eventually the things that ended up being the demise of things. (Especially that sense of humor thing.) At any rate ~ I preferred it complicated when I was single and wondering if I'd be single always. I'd not trade one year of my oneness waiting for "right man for me" for one night with the wrong guy. Complicated isn't a bad thing when we're talking love (in my opinion.) JMO

verygreeneyez

Joined: 3/15/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Friends Posted: 11/8/2012 11:35:06 PM
~OP~ I don't know why it is, but I found my female friends disappearing in the exact way you describe. It wasn't because they were marrying/having children (we're too old for that, well ~ most of us think we are) ~ they weren't in college or too busy with their professions, etc., etc., etc. The reason? I am not like them. My only child died three years ago and believe it or not ~ that now makes me "different" in their eyes. I'm not sure if they were uncomfortable because I didn't curl up in the fetal position and cry non-stop or if they found it hard to see me without their own grief taking over (we raised our children together, so the loss was very personal to all of them and their children.) Regardless, in time they stopped including me, and in time I stopped caring if they included me or not. How is this similar to you? I don't know that it is, except for one thing: being different. Maybe you're friends are uncomfortable with you, regardless of how often you choose to dress alternatively. Maybe they're jealous (because you are stunning when in drag!) Maybe they're changing and no longer wish to know you (that happens once in a while) or maybe a whole lot of things. I think if I were you I'd simply cut my losses. Making new friends isn't easy, but getting out and socializing is VERY easy and along with that comes new friends. Life is really much too short to wonder about those who leave our lives. I think it's better lived to be excited about those who will one day enter our lives. Good luck to ya.

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