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Thread: is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 76 (view)

is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer? Posted: 9/12/2009 8:11:14 PM
A short meeting for a drink or coffee is the only way I like to meet. I prefer meeting for a drink ~ since it's easier for me to meet in the evening. Coffee is ok too ~ but I agree with a previous post about the tiny tables and prefer a coffee shop with booths for those. To me ~ there is nothing worse sitting through a long dinner with the undertone of disappointment because the chemistry isn't there. The way a person moves can either be a big turn on or big turn off ~ I've learned the hard way after a long distance relationship meeting. You can always stretch a date longer than gracefully shorten one.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 60 (view)

Is being added as a favorite an invitation to e-mail? Posted: 9/9/2009 8:37:33 PM
I add men to my favorites if I'm interested in talking with them. It's definitely an invitation .

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 45 (view)

Verbal Rejection vs Silence Posted: 9/9/2009 8:17:26 PM
I totally agree that ignoring someone's text or call would be rude ~ and they deserve to be told instead of ignored. I would let it go in silence if I didn't hear from the other person, though.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 32 (view)

Verbal Rejection vs Silence Posted: 9/8/2009 10:05:00 PM
[I prefer silence. I'm not calling them, they're not calling me Whomever is doing the rejecting is a matter of opinion. The best thing to do is date lots of people so when one drops out, you're having too much fun to notice.] Landra2 said it best. The only time I disagree is when the relationship was serious enough to agree not to see other people. Then I think it's important to give the person closure.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Are you sleeping with your job? Posted: 9/8/2009 9:43:49 PM
We all have 24 hours in a day to spend on our priorities in life. Their excuses are BS ~ move on!

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 240 (view)

Just plain UGLY Posted: 9/7/2009 12:25:40 PM
His post was in March ~ I'm guessing he's over it by now. You dodged a bullet on that one! Maybe she had a challenged personality and thought she was being coy? Or ~ maybe she was reading a new book out called "How to Attract a Man Who Wants to Date A Bch" ?

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 100 (view)

Has anyone else passed a weird test from a potential suitor? Posted: 9/6/2009 11:18:24 PM
Let him know you may have passed but he failed the intelligence test ~ what a crock! I was tested once in my 20's. My date and I were sitting in a pub and he sent a friend I didn't know to our table to try and get my phone number while he pretended to go to the restroom. When he got back to the table he said I passed the test of being faithful by sending away his friend. He didn't like my answer that I only sent his friend away because I didn't find him cute enough ~ and then I called a cab. Silly man!

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 38 (view)

On persistence Posted: 9/6/2009 10:16:14 PM
What you get in the beginning is what you get later on too ~ seems like high maintenance to me!

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 36 (view)

mind blowing Posted: 9/6/2009 9:54:47 PM
Nate ~ not sure I'd be asking if future prospects were pregnant ~ it may come off as insulting. There's no way you could ever dream up the questions to save yourself from some of the things you'll encounter. You've just got to consider it part of the amusing side of dating online. This way when your date shows up being maybe a Siamese Twin or have their leg hair braided....you can laugh it off with the rest of us.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 35 (view)

Lacking tip for my friend / server Posted: 9/6/2009 11:27:59 AM
Maybe a nice solution at this point would be to go back to the restaurant when your friend is working and laugh with her about dating ~ and give her an extra generous tip this time. Maybe while you're there she can point out some nice tipping men who are single too.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Lacking tip for my friend / server Posted: 9/6/2009 1:03:13 AM
^^^ Good point!

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 26 (view)

mind blowing Posted: 9/6/2009 1:00:06 AM
You did the right thing by excusing yourself from meeting her. Pregnancy is not something you drop casually on someone at the last minute. The main things to take from this are #1 People rarely look like their favorite photos ~ and ~ #2 Always be true to what you want and need. Welcome to online dating!

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Lacking tip for my friend / server Posted: 9/6/2009 12:29:20 AM
Well ~ it's obvious that part of his comfortable financial situation is due to being cheap. People like this should eat at home. It's tacky and rude to under-tip ~ even more ridiculous that it was a friend of yours. Just another example that money doesn't buy you class!

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 56 (view)

Would you date someone who lives with his or her adult children? Posted: 9/6/2009 12:01:29 AM
I would consider the circumstances if it was a short term situation but the lack of privacy would be a turnoff. I want the option of turning a boring movie into love-making on the couch ~ without worrying about who's around.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Recapture Chemistry? Good 1st date, bad 2nd date? Posted: 9/1/2009 10:54:33 PM
Wouldn't hurt to call for a third date ~ doing an activity that gives you more of a chance to talk. It's possible she wasn't in the mood for what you were doing or was stressed about other things.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 26 (view)

Red flags or am I seeing red on purpose? Posted: 9/1/2009 10:46:27 PM
The moving may or may not be fishy. He could be married and have business near Sugarland or he could just be relocating. The biggie is sending the nude photos to you after you made it clear you weren't ready to even discuss intimate subjects. It was disrespectful at best. Men do seem to be more forward online than in person ~ and that includes sexual advances. Just do whatever you're comfortable with and remember ~ you can't take back nude photos once they're sent.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

When To Kiss? Posted: 9/1/2009 10:09:20 PM
You'll probably be able to tell from her body language if she's open to a kiss during the next date. If you're still not sure ~ lean in a little and see if she backs up a little to regain the space.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 47 (view)

Do lifetime relationships work anymore? Posted: 8/30/2009 9:37:24 PM
Some lifetime relationships work ~ but I think less and less do as time goes on. 50 years ago people had expectations of being together forever and their lives were often more stable. My mom and dad barely dated before marrying and were together until my mom died 49 years later. They loved each other in the end but it was more that they were resigned to the fact they were together and didn't seem actually happy in their lives together. Dad worked his whole life at the same company until retirement. Since mom had only worked a year in her life ~ it's doubtful she could have entered the work force and made enough to support herself even if she did. Divorce was totally off the radar for them. I'm sure everyone has been in a restaurant across from an older couple who is eating in silence except to speak in "that annoyed tone" to each other when necessary. I think some long term marriages are over-rated since they weren't happy. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that now we have more choices to explore and grow. As wonderful and romantic as it is to find someone that you can spend your whole life loving ~ I'm not sure it's as likely as having different loves in different stages of our lives as we grow and change. I know for me the man I loved in my 20's is not the man I could live with today. Some people change more than others in their lives and those changes often don't blend well with the lives of those we love. Just MHO...

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 68 (view)

Do you know what exactly what you want from life now? Posted: 8/30/2009 6:00:32 PM
Yes ~ love and freedom ~ in that order. The rest are just minor details.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 29 (view)

Tolerance with age? Posted: 8/30/2009 10:52:56 AM
After reading some of the replies I thought I'd like to add the flip-side of my tolerance list and write the things I tolerate much better now. Hearing the same story told several times ~ now I enjoy hearing how little bits change as the story teller forgets or embellishes it. It's now cute to me to see someone enjoy telling a good story to friends. I'm getting nicer to the door to door religious salespeople than I've been in the past. Overall, my acceptance of beliefs I don't understand or agree with has deepened. I'm getting more tolerant in the workplace with some of the office politics ~ and am beginning to understand the motivations behind what happens. I'm more tolerant about married people's comments to me when it comes to being single. I'm more tolerant with my dad attitudes towards my career and lifestyle choices. This is a biggie! I'm better about letting people with health ailments vent their frustrations ~ and count my blessings. I'm much more tolerant about those who have let themselves get unhealthy due to the lack of good diet and exercise. I'm crawling back from that zone myself. Last but not least ~ I'm tolerant of the spicy comments that seem to get hurled on this site. It's nice seeing passionate people express their views. I for one sometimes wish I could go back and tone down a comment here and there. My teasing tone sometimes doesn't translate to text.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

Tolerance with age? Posted: 8/29/2009 10:34:35 PM
As I get older I seem to escape heavy drinkers and smoke-filled environments pretty quickly. I used to love super loud music ~ and now it's a rare occasion that I want to blast it to deafening levels unless I'm out dancing or listening to live music. Crazy fast drivers I won't ride with anymore (I used to be the crazy fast driver...and that's stopped most of the time now too). I used to have patience to listen to people brag about their accomplishments non-stop ~ now I just find them to be a bore. When dating ~ I don't stick around long if he never does what he says he's going to do. I used to be able to be around constant complainers ~ now I just want them to shut up or leave. I used to stand by quietly when people mistreated customer service persons working in stores and restaurants ~ now I shred those people! My patience for unpleasant environments and BS is running on empty.....

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 101 (view)

Hurtful Name Calling. Posted: 8/29/2009 1:58:58 AM
Gambling with your self esteem is nothing to mess with. Leave him before the physical abuse starts and you're too beaten down to think you can leave.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 32 (view)

Define committed relationship after 60 Posted: 8/29/2009 1:46:48 AM
It seems to me that using that term only means you expect to see them on a regular basis in the future but all else is up to the interpretation of the people who say they're in the relationship. My mind goes to the rubber room as well when I hear the word commitment... lol There's just got to be a better word...

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Have you tried a work/travel combination? Posted: 8/29/2009 1:34:17 AM
Ndulj ~ what type of work are you doing? The 4 Hour Work Week is a great book. I also like Multiple Streams of Income (I can't remember the author....probably should have also gotten a memory enhancement book...lol)

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 105 (view)

What would you think/do if... Posted: 8/29/2009 12:46:16 AM
Tell her how you feel. You'll learn alot more about her motivations for switching the ring and also how you'll do later with working out issues that will come up in the marriage. I can understand how it would take the joy out of giving it to her and I'm surprised she wouldn't have considered that. You may be in for an expensive surprise when shopping for the wedding rings!

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 127 (view)

Dating in the Dark... would you do it? Posted: 8/29/2009 12:27:59 AM
The way a man moves is part of the chemistry to me. I would never want to be on the show and risk the possibility of hurting someone's feelings.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 561 (view)

Do women cook anymore?? Posted: 8/29/2009 12:07:15 AM
SilkenFire has a good point. I've always been single and am always grabbing smaller meals throughout the day. Smaller and quicker meals and snacks fit my lifestyle better. I have never felt the urge to go into the kitchen a whip up a big meal for myself. Are you kidding? All those dishes afterward? No way ~ if I'm hungry for something like that I'll call a friend and go out to dinner. lol I'm not opposed to cooking dinner at home with a man as long as we both cook and do the dishes.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 61 (view)

Birth Control Pills...PLEASE NEED PEOPLE OPINIONS Posted: 8/28/2009 11:47:17 PM
I doubt this is really the true situation. IF this is true ~ for one ~ I can't imagine she wouldn't notice that her pills had been tampered with. Secondly ~ I can't imagine that someone hasn't told her if the guy is dumb enough to tell people what he's doing. If all of this IS really true ~ I hope she's lucky enough to find out before she's pregnant and dump these loser "friends" and boyfriend! How could anyone think this is OK??????

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 39 (view)

What do I do? Posted: 8/28/2009 8:32:15 PM
My first thought was that he thinks he's talking to someone else ~ and that's why he didn't show up at your place because he went to the other persons house. I had a guy IM with me for a couple hours one night not long ago and two days later IM an offline message to me that was obviously for another girl. To play it safe it wouldn't hurt to keep your windows and doors locked, though.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 25 (view)

Probably a man? Posted: 8/28/2009 8:21:12 PM
It's possible it was a woman living with a man and she couldn't talk and couldn't sneak away when she wanted to. Or ~ it was a man ~ or both. Either way ~ you dodged a bullet!!

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 1634 (view)

can non-pot smokers handle pot smokers? Posted: 8/26/2009 9:40:36 PM
I've stood next to an ex-boyfriend while a doctor showed him his blackened lungs on an x-ray machine when I forced him to have a long term nagging cough checked out. He didn't smoke cigarettes ~ but LOTS of pot. The doctor said he needed to quit smoking (not realizing it wasn't cigarettes). I look forward to your theory on how blackened lungs can be OK. Is a deep ongoing barking cough healthy? I'll take being called an idiot by you a compliment.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 1631 (view)

can non-pot smokers handle pot smokers? Posted: 8/24/2009 9:36:25 PM
Looked inside a used bong lately? Yep....looks really healthy....

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 49 (view)

How to tell when he's playing you... Posted: 8/23/2009 11:45:16 PM
He's not playing you!! You're playing him by pretending to be fine with the current arrangement and not letting him know what you want! Get some balls (not his this time) and decide what you want. There's lots of hot men to choose from ~ right here on POF. PS ~ If you decide to let him have the photos ~ you might as well post them on the internet yourself. Then you won't have to wonder next year where they are now.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 84 (view)

Dating a dad of an undiciplined child Posted: 8/23/2009 11:26:44 PM
Get out right away. Nothing will likely change with his parenting skills and you'll have to deal with the little brat the rest of the time you're together. Kids (even adult ones) can really mess up a nice relationship. If they get their way now ~ just wait till they're in their teens and twenties! Run!

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 57 (view)

20/30 Pics Instead of Written Profiles Posted: 8/23/2009 10:34:21 PM
Wow ~ you'll have lots of choices that way!

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 29 (view)

Help me here - what to do after meeting a psycho? Posted: 8/23/2009 6:28:10 PM
Do the easy stuff like blocking your online and text accounts and screen your calls. If she finds another way to make contact then make it clear you'll be talking to the police about her and file a report. If that fails ~ you can go into the witness protection program ~ get plastic surgery ~ and have multiple profiles with different faces even....

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 1620 (view)

can non-pot smokers handle pot smokers? Posted: 8/23/2009 6:07:22 PM
[That said, anything in excess is not good and that goes for pot, whether it's a plant or not.] Smoking damages the lungs ~ that includes weed. As in all things unhealthy for your body ~ they should be done in moderation. As for the question if non-smokers can handle smokers ~ it depends on the couple and what they expect from each other ~ and if the non-smoker is willing to take any financial risks that may be involved due to it being illegal. With any luck the current economic meltdown will open the door to the government legalizing this ~ freeing up the courts for the real criminals.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 32 (view)

Super Awesome Date Idea Dilemma--suggestions? Posted: 8/23/2009 5:37:07 PM
[invite her to meet you wherever you volunteer (nursing home, soup kitchen, etc)] Helen0246 had a great idea. Find some charity thing ~ like planting trees ~ and sign you both up for an afternoon. Then don't tell her what you're doing ~ just that's it's a surprise to wear jeans and tennis shoes for. (The element of mystery and you taking some control over this situation may be sexy to her.) At the end of the day ~ if she didn't like it ~ or was being a spoiled brat (which frankly I'm leaning towards thinking already) ~ you've done something you'll feel good about and may even meet a girl more worthy of your hard work and affections. Hopefully you'll have fun together and it will be her turn to be creative! Good luck!! And...please let us know how it goes.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 161 (view)

What exactly does hang out mean Posted: 8/23/2009 5:12:50 PM
I guess it's pretty obvious now that hang out means really different things to different people! I like the term much better than the word date myself ~ which implies only romantic interest which is limiting. Hanging out to me only means a casual meeting to see if we enjoy each other as friends and see if we have chemistry for possibly more. It seems like the more natural way to meet and get to know new people in your life. It doesn't change anything really ~ besides trying to indicate to the person that it will be a relaxed meeting ~ not an interview where they'll be grilled like a halibut.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 53 (view)

20/30 Pics Instead of Written Profiles Posted: 8/23/2009 1:01:05 PM
The Photoshop experts would have a field day, wouldn't they? I would like to see photos like: * With their friends ~ having fun ~ genuinely happy smiles * With their family ~ hopefully enjoying themselves with same happy smiles * With their pets ~ oh please no snakes... * On vacation ~ their favorite places tell alot ~ like Vegas & New York ~ or Yosemite and Costa Rica? * At work (if they have work) ~ messy desk or tidy ~ skyscraper or outdoors or ? * Of their home ~ inside and out (I love looking at gardens and decorating) Does he love minimal furniture or lots of stuff? Traditional? Asian? Condo or home? City or country? Bachelor pad or neatnick? You may just see 75 photos of mom on the living room wall.... * Of some of their prized treasures ~ trophys, a totem pole they carved, a fav picture, a guitar collection, the ugly lamp you'll be trying to decorate around if things get serious....lol * Their bookshelf (if they have one) ~ or is it a CD library ~ or both? * Their transportation ~ Camry, SUV, skateboard, purple Dodge Demon with red doors? * Their bedroom ~ hopefully normal with no unusual devices hanging from the ceiling or walls....lol * Their toys ~ boats, motorcycles, jet skis, campers, airplanes, hang gliders, kayaks... * Other hobbies ~ stonework, craftsmanship, glass blowing, stamp collecting.... I can't wait to get my camera unpacked!

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 545 (view)

Is kissing more or less important to you in a relationship as you get older? Posted: 8/22/2009 9:01:22 PM
It's just as important now as it was when I was 16 kissing in my boyfriends car for hours. It's not only important ~ it's critical ~ it's mandatory ~ it's a deal breaker if a guy can't stop the world with his kiss!! Can you tell? I love kisses.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 40 (view)

Are you ready to date again if you are still in love with someone else? Posted: 8/22/2009 8:53:02 PM
So far I've always been able to tell in the first few weeks if a guy is hung up on an ex. Her name comes into the conversation and a low energy hits the room. It's like trying to build a relationship with someone who doesn't have an open heart to give. I know it hurts sometimes to move on after a breakup ~ but using a new lover as your therapist isn't what they signed on for. I think friends should help you heal and go back into dating when your heart is open again ideally.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 47 (view)

20/30 Pics Instead of Written Profiles Posted: 8/22/2009 5:34:59 PM
[Sorry to bore everyone into oblivion. But just imagine how much more boring those photos would be!] Friendly Free Spirit ~ maybe I'm easily amused ~ but I'd enjoy seeing some of the photos on your daily list along with the profile. Your gardening would would be nice ~ I like seeing the interesting things people do with their yard. (The bum in the air would be funny but if you're looking for a date and yours is less than stellar I'd probably leave it out...lol). The dancing with your friend would be fun ~ I love the genuine smiles when you catch a fast photo of your friends and I'd get to see how you like to decor your home ~ with minimal furnishings or a jungle of plants and Asian furnishings. The perfect profile is a nice mix of snappy interesting writing and lots of photos IMHO.

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 56 (view)

STRESS. Got some? Posted: 8/22/2009 11:25:02 AM
When my life gets stressful ~ I naturally withdraw to let myself mentally process what's happening. Unfortunately a friend will sometimes call before I have my wits about me to turn off the phone ~ and get an ear full ~ but ~ I try not to unload on friends anymore. I'd much prefer to let things settle into a better perspective and if I need advice I can call a friend with more clarity of what I'm asking. Of course, that's my life being single. If I had a man in my life ~ it would be nice to give him some earplugs and then he could just hold me till I was ready to share ....

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 25 (view)

20/30 Pics Instead of Written Profiles Posted: 8/22/2009 11:10:37 AM
Great post Friendly Free Spirit! You're a kind friend and this topic is worthy of consideration. The saying "A picture speaks a thousand words" is so true. I love when I see lots of photos posted of the persons life. One profile I looked at stood out from the rest because it showed the man in his life ~ with separate photos of his home and truck. I liked seeing his lifestyle and would love to see even more photos of people in their daily lives ~ not just on vacations. What they choose to take photos of also tells you a lot ~ like a guitar collection ~ or elk antler artwork ~ or his favorite golf course. When I finish getting moved and unpacked ~ I can't wait to get my profile packed with photos!

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 48 (view)

Parental Critique at Our Age?? Posted: 8/20/2009 8:53:48 PM
My mom died in 2001 and luckily my dad usually keeps his comments to himself ~ however ~ his silence and facial expressions sometimes say it all. He doesn't appreciate my lifestyle any more than I do his so we'll never really understand each other ~ but I think we've accepted that by now. His wife is more outspoken ~ but she's easily distracted into another conversation.....

crystalspirit

Joined: 8/14/2009

Msg: 215 (view)

Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man? Posted: 8/18/2009 7:05:03 PM
I don't consider it a compliment or an insult. I'm open to talking with anyone I find attractive ~ and usually their true colors come out quickly to clarify what they're looking for.

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