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kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 40 (view)

Are intelligent guys a turn off? Posted: 3/21/2007 8:44:17 PM
I am an academic and an IT person, so I am quite comfortable with intelligent people. Book smart or life smart are both wonderful accomplishments. Degrees and significant life experiences take much time and energy, so I do look favorably. I do sometimes encounter people that live and breathe technology, science, or whatever academic pursuit. However, this is not the norm for most healthy intelligent people. I do not like academic snobs who have to brag about their degree is "better" because they feel their subject area was more difficult or they went to a name brand school.

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Decisions to stay single. Posted: 3/21/2007 12:44:34 PM
I can agree with the OP. I think it is great at 23 to get to know yourself. At 32, there are many activities I want to explore now that I have the time and energy at this point in life. As others have mentioned travel is one, another is education. I also want to train for a marathon. These are just a few there are oodles of other plans I'd like to do at my own pace. I've found it hard to meet people in my geographic range that have similar likes. Nothing wrong with differences, but I find when I meet others, I tend to pursue their interests. Mine get pushed aside and I miss it. Right now, I want to do my own thing. I don't think that taking time to do things that make a person happy is being selfish. I think it is selfish to expect others to bend to fit another's expectations. So given the choice, I am choosing to do my own thing for a while. Now if someone happens to come along, great, but I am happy with the way things area as is.

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 54 (view)

Looking for Ladies' responses on this one... Posted: 3/20/2007 11:38:55 AM
Personally, I do need or want a reply if there is no interest. I can figure out that lack of response is a response of non-interest. On pay sites, I think it would be very unfair for a non-subscribing or lapsed member to receive a email, then pay to upgrade membership to read, only to find it is a "no thank you" note. I do not like when I receive a reply with a reason for lack of interest. If someone prefers older/younger, different appearance, or someone with children that is not going to be me. I can respect that for whatever reason I'm not their type, I don't need to know why. It isn't going help me, nor am I going to try to convince them I am what they are looking for. I can see how it could be considered hurtful to some. A person having a bad day, logs on, sees a message and even a polite negative is still a negative.

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Is it rude to IM someone out of the Blue? Posted: 3/19/2007 1:17:03 PM
I don't have a problem with IMs if they are for legitimate and non-creepy chat. I do not like when people IM me because they are "bored" and do not have anything worthwhile to say. I'm not fond of providing on demand tech support. So it is a definite YES if a person if there is genuine interest. I will caution if I'm reading/posting on the forums, I do not receive IMs. It is not a rejection, I just do not receive them. So email contact would be better.

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

why are a percentage of woman late? Posted: 3/19/2007 1:08:22 PM
I know people can be late for variety of reasons, sometimes it is unavoidable. Sometimes it is getting lost or it could be the "quick" phone call or neighbor visit that stretches. We can't control coworkers, slows lines, traffic, etc. I try to arrange my activities around planned events. It does not bother me if someone is a little late to lunch plans. I don't like missing the first 20 minutes to a show. I often have something with me that I can occupy waiting time. However, if I'm able to finish that magazine or make those phone calls, the idleness seems wasteful to me. Where I get antsy is when I've arranged my schedule to be a a certain place at a certain time. Had I known their had been a delay, I could have done something else with those spare moments. Maybe I was starving before lunch and had I known it would be a 45 minute delay, I could have had something light to tide me over. Now, I'm really hungry and cranky. Perhaps it was that household chore I didn't finish or run a quick errand on the way. Since now we are starting late, the meeting will likely either be cut short or end up finishing late. Now I might not be able to run to the post office before they close or run home before going to work. If it was evening plans, now I'm missing sleep for that early day. If it's more than a few minutes late, I wonder if I had the right day, time or if I misunderstood where we were meeting. So there's wondering if I got the wrong location or if I was suppose to wait for a table in a certain section. Perhaps something happened to them. If someone is a worrier, that is a bit of mental anguish there. Although I'm not sure if it is control (maybe it is) I believe that might be the "control" aspect others were referring too.

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 34 (view)

Is on-line dating going down the drain? Posted: 3/19/2007 11:56:52 AM
I can only speak of my experience, but I've seen less results for meeting people. I do not think it is fair to say there are less and less available women as the OP states or in my case, men. It's just that now everyone is on here and what we are seeing is a reflection of real life. Except there is less accountability on here. So the "good" everyday men and women are lost in the sea of what appears to be more attractive catches. Attractive only in the sense of more flattering photos which may not be truly reflective and the magical combination of profile words. I am finding it harder to actually meet someone in person. I do not spend as much time idly chatting with people anymore as it does not tend to develop to anything offline. Chat is fine now and then, but I'm not looking for chat buddies that I have little in common. It is great to chat with people that do have common interests, humor, etc outside of geography, but I keep it limited to conversations I really enjoy. I do find that expectations are raised in actual meetings which are usually in a shorter time frame. The meetings are more casual (i.e. meet for coffee or drink) which is fine by me. However, I can't see how sparks are suppose to fly and spontaneous combustion is suppose to occur in this short of a time frame. No matter how great the people are, it just doesn't happen with me. Then again, I'm pretty quiet in real life so maybe it is just me that is missing out here. So, no instant click leads back to mouse clicking once again! After awhile it is hard not to be apathetic about online. The best thing I have found is to keep a variety of interests and not use online as sole source of meeting people.

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 67 (view)

Spooked by single (Never Married) Posted: 3/16/2007 6:03:55 PM
This bothers me that never married singles are frowned on. The thread I was reading before this one had a couple of stories of never married 50s finally meeting their soulmate. Or at least their definition of soulmate. So for those now married people, were they also once 'spooky' singles throughout their 20s, 30s, 40s, early 50s until they were married? Next, I know a number of women that are never married, but would have like to have been. I'm sure there are men in this category too, I just do not know them. They have had long term relationships, that despite their hopes, just did not lead to marriage. Now because of the bad luck (or good luck in avoiding what could have lead to marriage then divorce), they are spooky. Then there are people that are single because of other circumstance. Perhaps they are nice, fairly normal people, but they are very shy. Maybe they have lived in remote areas or have moved often where they haven't been able to meet anyone for long term.

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 73 (view)

Would you go to a hgh school reunion? Posted: 3/1/2007 9:13:26 PM
I did go to one of the events for my 10 year reunion weekend. I was not interested in the gambling cruise or the family picnic. I'm not sure why, but it was quite expensive to go to for what it was. I was thinking the reunion company was making a small fortune! Although, I still live in the area, it is rare that I encounter someone from my high school class. After 10 years, many people were much the same. The once popular kids were sitting together. I was and still I am quiet, so I found myself with seated others that were outside the cliques. Some people had gone on to professional careers, others were in school. Most people were just normal folks. Most interesting was seeing people that gone to high school together but didn't know each other, then later met up and married. Actually my brother married someone from the high school from a later graduating class. I think it was a good experience. However if I'm out of the area for the 20 year reunion, I don't think I would make a special trip.

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Ladies- When will you leave the online dating/chat alone? Posted: 3/1/2007 8:38:24 PM
I might want to check the forums now and then just because they are so interesting. But, I would pull my profile or state that I was involved if I were exclusive or if I felt that it was heading in that direction. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

Women now days, either flirt less or have lost the skills in the Art of flirting ? Posted: 1/18/2007 11:06:37 AM
Flirting can be so subtle that it can be easily mistaken. Since the topic is women not flirting, it could also be said that men aren't picking up on it. Someone could be making eye contact and want to be approached, but you did not notice or they weren't your type. On the other hand, someone could be looking in your direction because they are waiting for someone, looking at the wall decoration right next to you or trying to find the exit. Ditto for making small talk, is it expressing an interest or just making conversation? Did someone brush my arm to show interest or did someone push them into me? Again, it's hard to tell. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up! Posted: 1/18/2007 10:38:38 AM
I think sooner or later it happens to many people online. It is frustrating when other plans could be made, but instead you choose to meet. My recommendation for handling this is to only go to places that you wouldn't mind going to anyways and at days/times you don't have other plans. This does restrict me geographically, but I will end of having a great time out of the house regardless. I'm not fond of the "Are you on your way call?" but it is understanable. I will show up when time/place arrangements have been made, so I feel a bit uncomfortable being put on the spot. Also if I'm on my way, I'm driving and I simply do not answer my cell phone. I'll pull over and return the call, which can be cumbersome. However I realize that not everyone follows through with meeting so some people like to double-check. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 62 (view)

Can a smoker get a date with a non smoker? Posted: 1/17/2007 9:59:50 PM
I'd prefer non-smoker like myself, but a considerate smoker would not be a dealbreaker. I would not want someone smoking in my home or car as the odor would bother me as pet dander also bugs me. So I discriminate over large shedding indoor animals too. However, what people want to do in their own home, car, etc. is not of my concern. I would expect a smoker out of courtesy not to blow smoke in my direction. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 55 (view)

women go on dating sites to tell guys, they have no time... Posted: 1/17/2007 10:51:18 AM
I have to wonder about the "no time" being a specific timing issue. Speaking from experience, I've encountered a couple common scenarios, where I do not meet the time demands of the person asking. Are you asking at times you know the person is occupied? If the person works nights and takes a class on the night off, it's going to be hard to schedule evening plans. If a person has long hours at the end of the quarter, is filling in for short staffing, etc., they might be busy at that specific time frame. If you are asking someone to meet 2 hours commute time away, that's asking for a large chunk of time that might not be readily available. Find out when a person IS available and ask to meet. IF there's "no time" then I would agree it's an excuse. Is the OP asking someone out on short notice? I do give priority to going out and meeting. However if the weekend is approaching and I do not have plans scheduled, I will proactively make plans. I will NOT wait, hoping that someone will call. Calling on Friday for Friday night or weekend plans means I likely I do not have time that weekend. However, if I had been invited sooner, I would have had the time. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

First dates.........always the guys responsibility??? Posted: 1/8/2007 2:34:18 PM
I liked hearing other people's ideas of where to meet and what to do. One of my now favorite places to hang out, I was introduced to it by someone I had met a long time ago. I would have never have discovered it unless someone told me about it. I think there are several other local places that I like because I met someone there. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

What is it with chics and dinner parties?! Posted: 1/7/2007 9:59:55 AM
I don't go to formal dinner parties that often, so the once in a while invite isn't too bad if it's local. I'm not too fond of having lots of alcohol. A drink with dinner is fine, but I do not want to be on the road with people that have been enjoying too much. The parties I've liked the best were theme events. It wasn't a dress to impress event, but almost more of a costume party. I much prefer a laid back pot luck where everyone brings a favorite dish. The host isn't under so much pressure and at least there is one good dish (mine) to eat. The worst party was when I was hanging out in a corner drinking my ginger ale, as there was only an occupied sofa and a couple of occupied chairs for seating. I got pushed by a large man chatting with others, drinking too much and not paying attention. My ginger ale and I wound up on the new white carpet. The host was not happy with me and it was pretty embarrassing.

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Phone calls, emails, text messages Posted: 1/7/2007 9:44:20 AM
I don't like personal calls at work either, but it's okay if it is brief. When I was a classroom teacher, my phone was off in class, so there was no point of wanting an immediate response. I think it's fine to leave a message to confirm having plans or a last minute change. Say your coworker offers you tickets to an event that night and you call to see if I'd be able to go. I don't mind email so much since I could read it during downtime. I'd prefer to have conversation on my own time. If I was regularly involved, I wouldn't want a call ignored for a few days. That would really annoy me. If I knew the person was busy, I wouldn't call. Just as I wouldn't want to be bugged when have plans. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

Why do women suddenly stop replying ? Posted: 1/1/2007 11:07:26 PM
Sometimes it seems there is a natural end to the conversation. A topic was discussed back and forth then concluded. In the past, I've been asked about job opportunities in the area, computer help, or some other interest of mine. I provided the information, perhaps there was a follow-up question or a thank you. Sure a person could strike up another topic, but one could get the feeling that the purpose of the inquiry was satisified and there was no real interest except for information. As others have mentioned, it could be the topic is not of interest. I am not interested in sports, fast cars or many tv shows. Getting a detailed account, even when I have said it's not my thing, seems pointless to continue. I've also had the impression of receiving cookie cutter emails. It's as if I'm reading a newsletter sent to multiple people. Unless there is a distance issue, I am not fond of having prolonged email chat. After a few emails, if there is no interest in meeting, then my interest drops. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

Do girls actually search guys profiles? Posted: 12/28/2006 8:01:58 PM
I'm another person that checks profiles and sometimes sends out a message. I haven't had much luck, but it is a very pleasant surprise when I do get a positive response(!) However, it is generally short lived as it very rarely leads to meeting. However when I contact for people outside my area for a chit chat, it is often more successful. Maybe it is my area.... I don't send out a message unless I have an interest meet their stated desired traits. The trouble is that many profiles I've seen are very sketchy. There may only be a couple of lines with so little to go on. So little information is not very encouraging for someone to send a note. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

seriously ...why SAY youre gonna call if you have No intentions of ever calling Posted: 12/28/2006 11:10:39 AM
Nowadays, I pretty much laugh it off when I hear "I'll call you." Unfortunately, I'm in my car or home and out of earshot. This used to really upset me years back when things appeared to go great. Especially when there was chat initiated by him about getting together for an activity later in the week or weekend. I do think making upcoming is misleading. If there's been a change of mind, then I do think a call is in order. If there is doubt about meeting up in the future, don't inquire about making future plans or what they are doing on the weekend. Although maybe it is just casual conversation, some women may take this to mean you are interested in getting together again. Even to the point of not wanting to make plans other plans as they think they might have a date. It would be nice if the "I'll call you" was phrased "Maybe I'll call you," which is the more intended meaning. Even better would be just to say "I had a great time." or "Nice meeting you." Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

womans ad picture with guys in her arms... What's the message? Posted: 12/28/2006 10:55:25 AM
^^^I'm with the above post. I've seen MANY photos of men with scantily dressed women. It bugs me a bit when the description is "one of my best friends." Maybe that is true, but it doesn't seem like the photo would be helping the cause on a dating site. I'd be uncomfortable if a photo of me with someone I went out with only a few times is getting displayed. I'm not much of a photo person, so many of my pictures are group shots. Even though it is almost always my family, I crop the photo or just do not use it. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

How do you find other women to hang out with? Posted: 12/28/2006 10:42:53 AM
This is a great question. We live in the world where it's increasingly isolating. It doesn't help when you are a quiet, shy person either. I would love to have a few more female friends to hang out with see movies, take walks, try a new activity, maybe go shopping or get nails done. A while back, on another site, I wrote to a few women in the area that I thought would make great friends. I met up with a few as a small group, and had a few great outings until they got involved. Then the friendship turned into space filling when their SO was busy, they'd want to do something. Unfortunately, women often (I didn't say "always") have a tendency to limit their other relationships with casual friends when they get involved. But it would be great to make more friends. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

guys growing up with a lot of females...more sensitive? Posted: 12/28/2006 10:22:25 AM
I've heard this before too, but I'm not sure if really makes a difference. Men with a strong female influence might be a bit more aware of how women tick. Of course that is a gross generalization as if women fit one mold. It also seems like they are rationalizing with karma. If a man wants other men to be nice to their sister (mother, cousin, etc), then he should be nice to his date. Interestingly, I've found their female relatives or close female friends if they live in the area, will be put on a pedestal. Whatever they say, goes. Even if plans are made, a last minute whine for a minor errand often takes precedence. I'm not saying that's a universal experience, but a trend I've noticed. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

How often to send a message... (Read no delete or no reply) Posted: 12/28/2006 10:08:35 AM
The most likely scenario is that the sender was not a match for the recipient. It is likely there is some qualifier that is something not stated or listed in the profile. Maybe it is listed, but I did not interpret it the way the person meant it. I've found that reading the forum posts is a great way of seeing people's opinions outside of the profile description. It also let you know the person is active online too. A situation that can't be controlled for is the recipient's mindset when receiving a message. Maybe the person received horrible news or isn't feeling very well or is tired. That would put a damper on replying right now. Unfortunately out of sight, out of mind steps in. It has nothing to do with sender. So resending a note some time later might be fine I think. Not pestering ever few days but some time later. A side note-- asking about holiday plans may seem harmless and is normally positive sounding. Keep in mind it can be sad or uncomfortable for some if there's been illness or loss in the family or close friends. That's not much of a celebration time and it's not the type of thing that you can write to a stranger about either. It's also not the type of thing for others to harp on "good manners" in replying. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

Two of my love interests got engaged this year, how to deal? Posted: 12/28/2006 9:20:50 AM
Here's my take, it makes me wonder--did the ladies know you were interested?. Or were you looking from afar? Perhaps you only a minimal interest was perceived. Now that they are not unavailable, they are more attractive? The OP stated that he found out through friends about the engagements. This suggests that the OP has been out of touch with the ladies for a while. This makes me wonder about how realistic the interest was in the first place. It looks like not enough to be more than a few passing thoughts. Here is something somewhat related that recently happened to me. A few weeks ago, I was approached by someone that remembered me from university over 10 years ago! I must have made quite an impression (I don't know how) to be remembered for so many years. He seemed like a really great person at least from what I know now. However, he never even made a conversation with me. It was really a wasted opportunity, as I would have been interested. However it was sweet to hear I apparently had an admirer and did not know it. It was Wayne Gretzky that said "You miss 100% of the shots you never take." Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 53 (view)

Same ole faces keep appearing on dating sites...why? Posted: 12/24/2006 4:59:02 PM
I'm on a few other sites and have been for a while. I do not meet people very often, say every few months. My local area combined with my personal preferences are limited. I like where I'm at, so no need to relocate. Nor would I want to change who I'm looking for, which is someone similar to myself. I've tried the whole opposites attract theory, and did not care for the results. That's okay, I can accept it. Of the few contacts I receive or initiate, they often do not lead to meeting. Many times plans are made, but they fall through on their end with last minute cancel or no-show. Or they are only available to meet the week I just happen to be out of town that month. If I actually do meet up, but it's a one shot wonder I never hear or see again after meeting a couple of times. Oh well, it use to bother me, but it does no longer. If I meet someone wonderful, great, if not, I'll be happy anyways. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Are you afraid to call a guy who give you his number after just one email? Posted: 12/19/2006 1:38:12 PM
I'm not a fan of chatting on the phone, so I do not like to call right away. As for calling the person is a stranger, they do not know who is calling them. I somehow often get this impression that perhaps a dozen other women got the same note too. So I think I'd feel like I'm auditioning while I'm explaining why I'm calling. Given my schedule, my personal preference is to chat via email or messenger a few times and just meet. I don't mind exchanging numbers then in case there is a need to get ahold of me. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Full time student status a no go? Posted: 12/11/2006 7:52:45 PM
I don't see how someone is paying for school or their budget in general is relevant even before meeting someone. It's not a matter of concealing or lying or otherwise being dishonest. It's more of a matter of appropriate time for such disclosures. The terms of the OP's divorce settlement are not relevant to strangers. It's not something to hide or be embarassed over, but it does not need to be known in the getting to know you stage. Unless the OP is asking similar questions first about finances. If it's really necessary for a complete financial picture, why don't we just ask for each others credit report and tax returns for the prior few years? We could learn more of someone's financial record, dependencies and whatnot than simply how a person is paying for school. Instead of going to school, what if the OP had instead decided to purchase a new car. Why would the details of the down payment (i.e. saved up, a relative loaned, divorce settlement, grant, etc.) or the terms of her loan be the business of someone she's never even met? Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

For the women who don't have any kids... Posted: 12/11/2006 4:13:08 PM
I regularly get emails that mention that I don't have kids or ask about. It's a bit uncomfortable to get into a line of questions about WHY?, Don't you want kids?, You don't like children?, What what's wrong with you? I think that's rather personal right after a "Hello!" Often from men that have children themselves. This seems especially odd to me. I've asked about before and I'm often told that since women with children are often the primary caretakers, they have less time. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Full time student status a no go? Posted: 12/11/2006 11:14:45 AM
There are so many students over non-traditional age in school nowadays. Evening classes typically have students a little older. Also online classes too, but you might not ever meet your classmates. For the OP, I think it's great you are back in school. I'm not sure if it's necessary to be upfront about the financial arrangements of going to school and not working. While many students do work while going to school, there are some that receive grants, saved up, or are living off of student loans. Even your teachers and classmates do not know your payment details, so why tell people you do not know. If someone asks, you could share the specifics. Slightly off topic advice, I would recommend getting internships in your selected area of study. Even if it's only a few hours a week, it's very valuable experience that sometimes leads to a job offer when you are through with school. It sounds like you have the ability to accept unpaid internships, which often go unfilled. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

Too busy: how do you deal with this? Posted: 12/11/2006 10:54:23 AM
I can see how some business may be crazy at this time of year. Especially if for self-employed or a small staff. This might be a valid reason. If it's holiday or end of the year related, things should calm down. If everything seems on the up and up, having a once a month get together with a friend isn't the worst thing in the world. Enjoy it for what it is right now. Sure you may want more, but good friends are good too. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

How would you feel if your partner required pre-marital counseling? Posted: 12/10/2006 5:09:29 PM
I think pre-marital counseling would be a good idea. Now, I am not sure if a counselor should be already picked out by one party, but suggested would be okay. The style, whether is religious, secular or some other modality should be a joint decision based on both parties. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 79 (view)

Why don't people respond to emails???? no whining...lol... Posted: 12/10/2006 10:52:01 AM
When I see these threads, it just shocks me how quickly some (I said some, glad not everyone is doing this) of the responses with not so nice words are flying on the screen. Some will even go so far and make characterization of a person’s upbringing, manners, and why they are still single. Just due to the simple lack of a reply or not getting the reply they wanted to receive. After all, we keep reading how it's supposedly "common courtesy" or "good manners" to reply. I'm no expert on manners, but I don't think referring to people, really strangers, perceived faux pas or even name calling all that polite either. Worse yet, it makes me wonder if the members of the Manners Police has ever showed up late, canceled on someone at the last minute, perhaps just not showed at all, took a cell phone call in front of someone, or embarrassed a person by picking on a minor grammar or spelling error. These are offenses I think would be more severe than a lack of reply. I will often, but not always, respond to notes. Exceptions include the offensive notes, receiving bulk copy and paste notes, notes of just a few words, no photos included, negative, already corresponded or even met before and it wasn't positive, and often when there is an obvious mismatch between statements made in either profile or forum posts. I'm not perfect and I'm sure there's a few here and there I meant to reply but I overlooked. I'm human, it happens. If someone is outside my age range, geography or has strong opinions counter to mine, it makes me uncomfortable to have to rationalize and defend what I have already stated in my profile or postings. I'm not here to debate, nor do I see the purpose of convincing someone. I'm not looking to change or change someone. When I write and don't receive a response, no big deal, not the end of the world. I would actually prefer no response than a personal "No, Thanks." I don’t write too often, and only when I think there’s a good match-up of what is in both profiles, it makes me wonder where I went wrong. Did I not read in between the lines? Was it a typo I overlooked despite proofreading, therefore I appeared so uneducated? Or maybe it was my shoes… Really, I’d rather move on to what is hopefully a positive result in the future. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Online progress style? Posted: 12/8/2006 8:30:36 AM
My personal preference is to exchange a few emails, perhaps IM, then meet for something light such as lunch. I'm not a fan of extended emailing or having phone conversations. My free time is generally opposite of the most people and I'd rather be out and about than stuck on the computer or phone chatting. Some exceptions are made for hectic schedules, but not for too long. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 118 (view)

You're not what I'm looking for. Posted: 12/6/2006 4:25:39 PM
It depends on the context of "friends." I can understand not wanting online only friends. If some is more than a reasonable distance away, it would be difficult to have a friendship except online. Even in town, I've encountered a number of men supposedly "too scared" to meet even after chatting for a while. They only want an online chat buddy, often to discuss their problems, especially with the people they do meet. That's not much of a friendship and I'll pass. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

Only you can make yourself happy? Posted: 11/28/2006 9:16:04 AM
For the OP, as others have suggested, make a point of getting out on the weekeend. I'm a quiet person too, and I remember has some wasted evenings of feeling awful that I had nothing to do with someone. What changed these nights was actively planning rather than hoping excitement would come my way. Now, I'll go out, meet someone and think, "I'd have more fun myself!" What a change in perspective! If being home at night makes you lonely, plan an activity at night. If you have friends plan something, even if your shy, you can still do plenty of things by yourself. Surely, there's a good movie, favorite restaurant, walking around the mall, going to the gym, even coffee (or other beverage--chai for me!) with a book at the coffeshop. Hey, if you know that Saturday night is going to make you sad and you don't want to do anything entertaining, you can at least go shopping for groceries, drop off mail at the post office and run some errands. As other have suggested, take a class, get a part-time job on the weekends, or join a club that has a Saturday activity. Or if the weather's bad or you just don't want to go out (still the better option if home alone is a trigger), cook yourself a good meal from scratch. Maybe there's a project around the house you can work on. Do you do any crafts? Have whatever supplies on hand and have fun. Sure it does take a little planning and some experimenting to find a good fit, but it is so worth it. This is a temporary situation that's can easily get better! Good luck--would love to hear what you end up planning! Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

i find it hard meeting someone as i work graveyard shift!! Posted: 11/24/2006 6:34:22 PM
I work a couple of nights a week. This is actually an improvement as for years I worked most nights and some weekends. Do you have some days off or weeknend time free to meet people? Working odd hours makes it very difficult to meet people. Although meeting for lunch is a good option, but not frequent enough. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 53 (view)

Where are the geeky girls? Posted: 11/19/2006 8:00:30 PM
Try looking for wifi hot spots. Ever since a few local cafes lured me in with wifi, my laptop and I are regulars. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Window of oppertunity Posted: 11/14/2006 1:41:54 PM
I'm not sure there needs to be a reason other than just having an interest. Think of it as making an acquaintance--that's a reason in itself. Having a well planned context, reason, game plan is great when it works, but the point I would think is to have more event than planning for it. In the case of online context, I would say after a couple of messenger exchanges to ask about meeting. For real life, after meeting why not after if like to grab coffee (lunch, ice cream, etc.). Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

The quiet girl= not always stuck up Posted: 11/14/2006 1:37:15 PM
I'm also one of the quiet people. It's quite a judgement to label someone as stuck-up if you've barely spoken a few words with someone. Not everyone feels comfortable around strangers initially. Sometimes it's just a matter of not having anything to say that's relevant. Another person may have already contributed the idea, I might not really have an opinion either way or I just do not care about the topic. Also I do not like to ruffle feathers or be rude as a form of self-expression. I've found the some of the people that are likely to come up with labels are often loud and have little useful content to say. Seems like they are expecting affirmation of their thoughts or want to start a debate. Also some people that are also quiet people are expecting the other quiet person to bring them out of their shell. I've noticed this on this site. I get sent a message, but it is up to me to carry the conversation. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Unsuccessful coffee dates Posted: 11/1/2006 9:16:00 AM
I can't say I've had success with coffee dates either. I'm kind of quiet, so there's a sense of pressure to keep conversation as "the activity" with someone I just met. Of course, if I knew the person already, I would be much more comfortable. Now if there was another activity, even something as simple as a walk, it would be more lively. Also I'm never really sure of what to wear. For such a casual encounter, it does not seem appropriate to dress up. Yet if coming from work, it would be a bit much to run home change and then meet. Around here coffee shops tend to be study places for students since the locations by me are near schools. It can be difficult to get a table at prime time since likely the students are going to be there for a while. So there is awkwardness in finding an available table or waiting for one in the narrow aisle. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

On average only 5% of the people who read these threads reply with a post. This threads for you. Posted: 10/18/2006 10:14:35 AM
^^As the previous poster stated, sometimes so many people have already stated their view so many times over. The OP's situation may be interesting to read, but I might not have an opinion either way. Based on title, I may start reading a thread and then realize it's not for me. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

How Do Women Really View PC Technicians (Computer Nerds)? Posted: 10/18/2006 9:59:48 AM
Why are women and computer nerd split into mutually exclusive categories? My experience is that it seems to me that male computer nerds like talking shop, but they are not really interested in their few female counterparts. So the female nerd is a bit of a novelty, yet placed into the "friend" category. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Why are women so hard to work with? Posted: 10/18/2006 9:51:13 AM
I think the work environment is going to greatly vary from industry to workplace. The workers and supervisors will likely change within a few years creating a new dynamic. Who hasn't seen personnel and policy changes turn a warm workplace to an ice cold wasteland overnight? Both men and women are capable of creating and causing conflict. One of the earlier responses described two different academic environments. I had to chuckle as both were different, yet right on target! I have found a large part of work relations is not just the "work," but the interactions too. Personally, I would like to do my job and leave when it is done. However, establishing a connection is important and unfortunately sometimes more important that the work itself. I think it can be much more difficult for a connection to be made when you are a female in a male dominated environment or vice versa. In women dominated environments, I have often noticed that birthdays and special events are celebrated. Maybe it is cake or cookies in the breakroom or lunch out. I've received more dollar store candles, mugs with candy and other trinkets for presents than I can count just as a goodwill gesture and for the holidays. I don't think that's ever happened to me in the many male dominated environments I've worked. I'm in technology education. My thoughts in regards to making mistakes and apologizing is that sometimes more than an "I'm sorry" is needed. Did showing up late or making that mistake create a nightmare on top of an already busy schedule? I have been frustrated when I have covered at the last minute for a coworker, even rearranging my plans. Yet the same person will not reciprocate when I know they are available because they “don’t feel like it.” Fine, but I don't think that's holding a grudge not to want to continue the one-sided arrangement. I consider myself very lucky when I'm in a cooperative environment. It’s nice to be able to get the job done, leave and not worry about it in the off hours.

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

Why most women fear taking it offline sooner rather than later? Posted: 10/11/2006 9:16:05 AM
My experiences are either hurry up and meet right NOW or those that only want to chat and just do not want to meet. I'm not fond of the chatting or emailing and then "Let's meet NOW." I like to schedule things, I'm just not spontaneous. On the other hand, if there's no interest in meeting after a couple of chats, then I think it is best (for me at least) to move on. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Tampa is in the house! Posted: 10/10/2006 9:02:25 AM
I'm in St. Petersburg.

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

What do you ladies think of guys who ride transit everywhere? Posted: 9/26/2006 9:33:29 AM
I'm pretty impressed that someone can get around without having a car outside of a major metro area. I would think that would require massive planning to have the job, social activities and such accessible around the public transportation schedules. I don't think I could do it in my current location and life. I do think that if someone is without a car by choice (not because of a condition), then still get a license "just in case." It seems it would be very limiting not to have the option to drive. Even when I had a job within walking distance, I'd still have meetings a few times a month a far flung places in the county, have to pick up items bigger than I could carry, run errands across town. As a woman I would not want to be out and about late at night by myself in unfamiliar places. I'm not sure how I would have handled the logistics. I would not want to have to depend on others if I could help it. If someone had this "car-free" lifestyle due to a medical condition or because of very serious environmental concerns, that's quite an accomplishment. In some cases, if most life activities are within reasonable walking distance, that could be okay too. On the other hand, if someone is car-less because of a DUI problem or chronically unemployed and can't afford one that's another matter. It's not the lack of car, but lifestyle choice that is not likely compatible with my own choices. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Living together Posted: 9/19/2006 6:17:50 PM
As others have mentioned, go ahead and built now. You don't know what the future may hold. Some people would advise keeping the design within "reason" in case you may want to sell in the future. I'm more of the thought that if it's your house and you plan to stay in it for a long time, then do not worry about the resale value. Decors, styles, appliances all wear out and change, so eventually much of it is going to be replaced or remodeled at some point. If you meet someone if she has a place, you might decide to sell or rent one of the homes out. Who knows, maybe even sell both and build a home together. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 62 (view)

Why are there so many single female nurses and teachers? Posted: 8/28/2006 7:21:14 AM
I don't think issues with teaching or nursing are specific to general. Males and females are going to have similar job issues. Specific areas may be male or female dominated. I teach technology subjects, which is typically male dominated, even though large numbers of teachers overall are female. Experience may be more significant as seniority in some environments means priority in time off, teaching assignments, substitutes, going to workshops, etc. I'm not sure if nursing has seniority, but it would not surprise me. I've found that many men (not bashing, all my experience is with men) want to be spontaneous. They do not want to make plans even a few days in advance. That simply will not work with this lifestyle. I've been told a number of times to just call in sick and go out. No, I don't think so. That would mean trying to round up a qualified substitute (no the boss doesn't find one for you), doing the lesson plan anyway for the sub, and at some schools paying them out of my own pocket (adjuncts teaching is not full time, so no sick day benefits). Plus it means I have plenty of grading later and upset students that will claim the substitute did not know what they were doing. The last unscheduled "day off" I had was due to death in the immediate family and I am still in shock over the nastiness received because I was unexpectedly out for a few days and understandably a little shaky (limited time to prepare and frankly, not feeling all that good) for a few days when I got back. An Enigma and Merc007 have painted a realistic picture of the time issues. Dating is possible, but I've found the need to plan for and make time. If I have plans to go out on the weekend, I'll make sure all my paperwork and life activities are done earlier in the week since weekend is often catch up time. With Internet meetings, this often means that I'll wind up with a free night, as there's a very high rate of last minute cancellations and no-shows. Let's face it the reasons are generally very lame. This used to bother me very much, after all I did all this rearranging for a cancellation(!) Now at this point, I'm thinking, I am likely better off saving the hassle and doing my own thing. I am thinking another person in similar type of work would be perhaps more suitable. Not to sound so negative, teaching does have MANY high points on the job, just that it's a different lifestyle. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

Why are there so many single female nurses and teachers? Posted: 8/24/2006 2:36:55 PM
Teachers have a life outside of the classroom. Many want to meet the right person, settle down, have kids of their own. Or maybe just go out, meet people and live life. Either way, there isn't anything wrong with posting a profile. Now if the profile had some unacceptable content that would be another story. It may be a bit odd to see someone you recognize online and that's understandable. There are plenty of other people that work with children and the public too that are also on the internet. People's doctors, letter carriers, child care workers, car mechanics are on here too. As far as what happens if someone recognizes me, it's happened. I have had former students notice my profile and drop me a hello. I teach adults and some of them are within my age range. I do think it is a bit awkward, but then again I was a regular part of their life during a semester. It happens, I respond back with a friendly, teacherly note. In every case, they just wanted to say hello again and that's the end of story. Tina

kristinanb

Joined: 3/21/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Why are there so many single female nurses and teachers? Posted: 8/24/2006 11:51:01 AM
Msg 4 is right on target! Teaching, nursing, social work, etc. can be very mentally and emotionally draining. I'm sure running after little kids is physically draining too. These are demanding careers, but there's not much authority. Most students are wonderful, but it's those few demanding students that can just wipe someone out. Administrators at all levels are not supportive. In fact, some administrators will consider it "poor classroom management" if a teacher has a truly nightmare student, and refers that student to an administrator. I'm not sure about nursing, but teaching can be very isolating. The only time teachers interact as peers is during lunch break, planning period (if they have one) and perhaps a few minutes before or after school. People tend to think that teachers are extraverted, but I recalling hearing that college professors as a whole are introverted. All this interaction with people, especially when it might be confrontional, can wear introverts out! Personally, I haven't found too many people very understanding except for other teachers. Tina

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