NEW ASDA BICYCLE ADVERT.. chat & forums.

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

NEW ASDA BICYCLE ADVERT.. Posted: 7/23/2009 4:11:13 AM
Has anyone actually seen the new ASDA bike advert? If you look carefully, the Adult bike has the forks facing the wrong way around. (The forks appeared bent until I noticed that the front brake assembly is "behind" the forks..) This can drastically affect the "handling and braking" of the bike.. You'd think that in this day and age, with all the safety checks etc and in the "sue the b@stards" way of life that the people who were paid thousands of pounds for making the advert for them would actually get it right?... (Especially with Sir Chris Hoy putting his name behind their "Pedal Power" campaign that's supposed to get us all back on our bikes...) Maybe I'm just being "picky", but I just believe in safety on bikes. ( definitely when confronted with aging car drivers around Poole...) 'Nuff said!

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 83 (view)

Profile Names/Headings ... Name the Top Cliches Posted: 6/26/2009 5:54:02 AM
Suddenly I feel my ears burning......

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

Intelligent women enjoy sex more. Posted: 5/14/2009 7:20:28 AM
Blimmin' 'ell! I must've been sh@ggin' a lot of MENSA MEMBERS in the past....

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 40 (view)

Katie (AKA Jordan) and Peter... Posted: 5/14/2009 7:16:15 AM
What's the betting it's all a PUBLICITY STUNT?.....

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Bike Run to Foxes Dinner Oxfordshire AUGUST 25th 2008 Posted: 8/25/2008 4:13:40 AM
Make sure you lock your bikes up when you get there... It's right next door to an area called "Berinsfield" which has always been known for persons who like to peruse/acquire others property.. (Not as bad as Blackbird Leys or Fratton Park, but bad still the same...) Have fun, Reg

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 113 (view)

Why do Babes dig ugly guys? Posted: 7/15/2008 1:09:39 PM
*I'm just glad they do.....*

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Poole Beach Picnic BBQ Hamworthy Park - 2nd August - POF 5th Birthday Celebrations Posted: 7/14/2008 4:07:13 AM
Anybody wanna resurrect this date??

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Dave- The Cardboard Box Posted: 6/29/2008 11:58:46 AM
Thank you April for clearing up this mystery for me. The others who've tried to help in their own way also deserve a mention, but not inj the way you have! I actually thought I was suffering from an early form of senile dementia, but now I know I'm just suffering from alcohol abuse... Hmm... Alcohol abuse?...... Is that when you start shouting things like "Go home you German Lagers, whilst depriving younger ales of a good upbringing??

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Bike Run to Poole Quay - 1st july - Last Minute Run! Posted: 6/26/2008 10:53:19 AM
I'll meet you there.. I may not be a motorcyclist anymore, but I'll be on my mtb.. (More than likely pisched too!) Oh, you may not recognise me, as I have hair now!

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Dave- The Cardboard Box Posted: 6/19/2008 12:39:45 PM
Does anyone remember "Dave- The Cardboard Box"?? I sort of remember him, but I can't exactly recall from where? (I have been known to have the odd inbibement!) *Can anyone help?*

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 194 (view)

hangover cures wanted!! Posted: 5/25/2008 3:06:32 AM
Gawd! *I could do with one now after yesterday afternoons/evenings shenannigans .......*

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 187 (view)

Plentyoffish Music. Posted: 4/19/2008 10:53:43 AM
Yep, even plays the videos....

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 175 (view)

Plentyoffish Music. Posted: 4/19/2008 8:47:29 AM
Got mine working... (It took a while, trial and error!)

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

80s music Posted: 4/19/2008 2:05:14 AM
The BLOCKHEADS may not have the same line-up, but they're still kickin' it!

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

RAMIPRIL- Anyone had any side effects? Posted: 4/6/2008 12:00:34 PM
Well, I'm getting a tickly cough , tiredness, and suffering a bit from the ol' trots, but I'd lost my taste and sense of smell years ago.. (Plus I can still snore for England!) The good news is that I don't drink quite so much (I only drank 5 pints last night!) But the bad news is I still eat way too much.. I think I may have a word with the ol' quack before my next appointment..

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

kinky places Posted: 3/30/2008 5:56:08 PM
I got f#cked in a courtroom once... I lost my kids, my house and all respect for divorce lawyers....

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Women.....Looking At Men's Budgies? Posted: 3/28/2008 3:40:27 PM
I had a *REAL* nice young (?) lady (??) talking to me one day, back when I was a manager for "KWIK-FIT" in the centre of Oxford.. As the conversation carried on, I couldn't help but notice her eyes straying to my crotch area. I then noticed, (As you do!) that her nip's were growing erect, (shouting at me, more like!) and she was starting to breathe deeper. I couldn't really complain as I took it as a compliment, and quite a turn-on.. (Unfortunately for me, as I chatted to her I found out that she was happily married, but just *LOVES* to flirt with other men.) I think a lot of women have fantasies, and I think it's a healthy thing to do, as it helps persons manage to cope with an otherwise mundane life. (I've just remembered the image of those "Scammell wheel-nuts" trying to escape, and now I need a cold shower/bath!) Ce'st la' vie!

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Severe headaches and eye trouble that I think are caused by my neck. Posted: 3/24/2008 5:48:43 PM
I used to suffer severe headaches and eye trouble so I visited an opticians who said I needed glasses. Funny that? I went to see my doctor a few weeks later (I didn't get the glasses!) and he said I was suffering from stress! I took the drugs he gave me, and the pains all floated away. The only trouble was that people could shout and scream directly in my face and I'd just smile and then start laughing. (I think I became over-placid!)

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

RAMIPRIL- Anyone had any side effects? Posted: 3/24/2008 5:21:13 PM
I've been diagnosed as having high blood pressure and a slightly high cholesterol count by my GP. Has anyone suffered any side-effects from the drug I've been given. It's called RAMIPRIL and I seem to be very lethargic and I've been ill ever since I started taking it (Last Thursday!) I have yet to see if I get any problems with the ol' tadger and I'm dreading it incase it does impare my sexual prowess. (Even 11 pints of Stella-Tortoise didn't affect that!) So, anyone else using this stuff?

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Sex Education Posted: 2/26/2008 12:23:17 PM
IMO sex ed. should be compulsory not optional. the rest of the syllabus is compulsory, I fail to see why bigots should be allowed to let their children enter the world under-equipped I agree.. I was forced into Religious Education, even though I'm an agnostic. The best thing about our sex-ed was colouring the testicles green on the picture of a naked man and woman in the "Informative literature" we were handed during "Health Education". (Tought to us by a prim and proper "school ma'am" who was more embarrassed than us!) That was the early seventies though!

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

Sex Education Posted: 2/26/2008 11:35:28 AM
I wish when I was at school they had taught us not just about the mechanics of sex but how to go about finding and getting a sexual partner. Mechanics of sex? *Did somebody call???*

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

TOP 5 , GIRLS AND GUYS Posted: 2/26/2008 11:07:59 AM
BOOBS NELLIES BREASTY-DUMPLINGS TOP BOLL#CKS JUBBLIES ( . ) ( . ) ......

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Which Car Model Would You Be ? Posted: 2/10/2008 5:51:22 AM
I think I'd be a good ol' faithful Land Rover Very handy at going *Deep into the bush!*

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 198 (view)

british jokes Posted: 2/10/2008 5:46:57 AM
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day resting. He enquired of God, "Where have you been?" God pointed downwards through the clouds. "Look Michael, look what I've made" said God. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot, and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people." God continued, pointing to the different countries. This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of land and asked, "What's that?" "Ah," said God. That's the North of England, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful people, seven Premiership football teams in the North West alone, and many impressive cities; it is the home of the world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians. The people from the North of England are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hardworking and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!" God replied very wisely, "Wait till you see the bunch of tossers I'm putting down South.. (I didn't write this, I just copied it... It's what Northerners falsely believe!!)

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Getting your own back on kitten Posted: 2/3/2008 11:47:35 AM
Elastic band attached to the tail... (Drives 'em mental!)

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

NHS workers paid £120.00 an hour Posted: 2/3/2008 11:44:52 AM
Some of the wonderful "nurses" work with my sister at a nursing home. They get paid rediculous amounts too, and hardly do any work, are obnoxious to others, quite often don't turn up for work and claim "racial predjudice" when told off.. (They're West Indian!) If this is the way things are going to go, then maybe I'll get a sex-change and sit under a sunlamp for hours... (I might have to work hard on a "Yardie" style accent though...)

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Twisted Car Number Plates ~ Funny ~ Sad ~ Naughty? Posted: 2/3/2008 10:40:58 AM
We have a real nice one appeared down here in sunny(?) Poole... There's a Lambourghini appeared with the numberplate 501D Ok for some.. *(I think they live at Sandbanks...)*

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Favourite porn film and why Posted: 1/27/2008 1:03:42 PM
Inside Little Oral Annie springs to mind. So does Ten Little Maidens mainly due to the chef shafting an oven-ready chicken and putting his own additive in the *"Creme Italianne"* "and turning it into *""Sauce Polish"*

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

Question About PC World Staff Posted: 1/27/2008 12:52:07 PM
I bought a pc system from them 8 yrs ago and it cost me over £1500. They delivered it 2 days later and when it was all assembled the cd re-writer wouldn't work. I telephoned the showroom (Oxford) and I said that the writer wouldn't fire up. The assistant replied, (and these are his exact words) - *"Have you tried a box of matches?"* ( There was then a muffled s n i g g e r!) Well. I'd had about enough... I got on my motorcycle, rode back into Oxford, found the little sh#t, tried to grab him by the throat and was stopped by the security staff.(Luckily a very good friend of mine!) The manager was called, we had a small discussion and the assistant was called over. *Sacked on the spot!!* However, I have been into PC World down here in Poole and they all seem to be quite intelligent and helpful. Some of their deals in hardware are very reasonable/cheap but you also have to check out Maplin's *(Hi-De-Hi-Fi)* as they also do good deals on things like external hard-drives, main boards, power supplies etc.. Oh, and by the way "Oggers".. I work for ATS and we don't charge for changing wheels/batteries either..

Signor Nellies

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

vrgiquarian Posted: 1/19/2008 12:17:46 PM
Fruitarian A Fruitarian is somebody who believes that you should not kill any living thing to survive. Instead, they can only eat the fruit of plants that don't actually mean death to the plant. I suppose that makes me a P U S S Y A R I A N ?..... (I'll get my coat!)

Signor Nellies

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

favourite comedians Posted: 1/19/2008 12:02:33 PM
AL MURRAY a.k.a THE PUB LANDLORD seems to be going from strength to strength.. He's come a long way since playing Harry Hill's stooge! But the king of comedians has/had to be Bob Monkhouse...(RIP) I hardly ever heard any swear-words, but his use of innuendos, the English language and the proof of his amazing intelligence was incredible. I don't think he was ever stuck for a topical joke, or if he was asked for a joke on a specific subject he was fast with a comical retort.. On the same sort of subject, does any one else remember JOKERS WILD on tv in the seventies?

Signor Nellies

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 85 (view)

punk and oi! bands old and new Posted: 1/15/2008 3:41:50 PM
*Once a Blockhead- ALWAYS* a Blockhead...** I agree with Oggers.. The "Live Stiff Tour" of '78 was amazing.. Ian Dury and The Blockheads, early Elvis Costello, Larry Wallis and the Psychedelic Rowdies , Wreckless Eric and Nick Lowe.. It introduced a lot of people to the music, and the parties that raged on afterwards at other houses were a great laugh.. Some of the music was a bit wierd, as in early DEVO and ALBERTO Y LOS TRIOS PARANOYAS (I think that's how they spelt it?) Has anyone mentioned THE DAMNED yet? What about THE RUTS, Tenpole Tudor (Who I thought was a total tw#t!), 999, The Slits,(Oh, Miss Bondage!) Wayne County and The Electric Chairs, Souixie and The Banshees, The Upstarts or The Skids? (Who can forget the powerful "MASQUERADE"?) Not just the music, but the fashion.. Where else could you wear ripped clothes, studded/painted leathers, odd socks (My favourite- one pink and one green flourescent sock) and white Brothel Creepers? You could dress like a star for under £40... I rest my case!

MAYOR E. CHRISTMAS

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

OXFORD KARAOKE MEET 18th JANUARY 2008 Posted: 12/31/2007 11:28:26 AM
Good luck with this venture, as it's one of my old "locals" from when I lived in North Oxford, (Prefered it to Dewdrop) and worked in National tyres (Just down the road) when I lived in Didcot/Harwell.. Last time I heard anything about the ol' "Monny" was when someone drove a car through it.. (Literally!) Enjoy yourselves, I used to.... All hail the ale! (but I prefer Stella!)

MAYOR E. CHRISTMAS

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Bournemouth & Poole Xmas Bash 07/12/07 Posted: 12/15/2007 2:17:37 PM
I do apologise for not going, but due to other commitments I was booked to be elsewhere... I did however make up for it by rather a lot of vodka.. In the words of Dreyfus, *"Party on dudes! "*

VICTIMISED

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

The stupidness of cats Posted: 11/4/2007 5:56:26 AM
I have always found cats to be very intelligent. I did have one cat however who couldn't be @rsed to go outside when it was cold, and used to widdle in the coal-bucket! Imagine the stink when you'd try to put more coal on the fire!!!! Unfortunately I now live in a shared house and we're not allowed pets, so I have surrogate cats and dogs at others houses....

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

first horror movies you saw? Posted: 10/28/2007 10:38:44 AM
I remember a trilogy of films from years ago, the best of them being "THE DOLL".. It was a small, carved, wooden doll, with a chain around it's neck. Held within was the spirit of a warrior. It was a real scarey film, especially when the chain fell off. (It came to life!) Real nasty piece of work, with razor-sharp teeth and a big knife.... Then I think it was "ZOMBIE FLESH EATERS"... Watching some woman's eye being slowly pulled onto a sharp piece of wood.... (Nasty!) "The Toolbox Murders" and "Evilspeak" were quite good, and when the "Evil Dead" films came out I was hooked on them.. (The "Farewell to Arms" part was pure poetry...) Oh, and I too was scared sh#tless by the Daleks........

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Bournemouth & Poole Halloween Meet 31/10/2007 Posted: 10/28/2007 2:31:25 AM
I bumped into a couple of persons in Boscombe on Thursday, (Me-Neither and Marcie) and they looked happy... How could this be when they're in Boscombe? Anyway, I must get something special to bring/wear on Wednesday... See you there Chaps and Chapesses!

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 122 (view)

british jokes Posted: 10/20/2007 2:26:49 PM
Q) How do you tell legitimate jelly-babies from illegitimate jelly-babies? A) Turn the bag upside-down and the b@stard's fall out!

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Men who make things out of balloons Posted: 10/20/2007 2:07:22 PM
I can twist animals into the shape of balloons!.... (Does that count?)

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Bournemouth & Poole Halloween Meet 31/10/2007 Posted: 10/13/2007 3:28:41 PM
Already told 'em about the ol' Charlie.... Should be a good night though.

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 88 (view)

Funny names Posted: 10/10/2007 1:28:32 PM
I was working at "Oxford Instruments" (Funnily enough in Oxford) in 1984 and we had a person working with us from "Seimens Electronics" (Funny enough in itself) and his name was DR HELMUT BENDER... You couldn't make that up....

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 79 (view)

Why Do Bald Blokes With Tattoos Appeal To Women So Much? Posted: 10/10/2007 12:34:38 PM
So where are the women who like bald men? Maybe I've had most of his share?

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 78 (view)

Why Do Bald Blokes With Tattoos Appeal To Women So Much? Posted: 10/10/2007 12:31:06 PM
Whoops....

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Date future son in law's father? Posted: 10/7/2007 3:37:17 PM
Not sure what to put here.. *My bleedin' father married my ex-girlfriend's mother...*

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

Swearing in the workplace Posted: 10/2/2007 12:09:19 PM
I think that the usage of expletives in the workplace is sometimes the only way to get through to "Numpties" that don't understand common sense...

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Practical Jokes Posted: 10/2/2007 11:58:59 AM
Do these count?.... Tying a car's exhaust to a tree when the owners have been a#seholes.. Concreting gates shut when the owners have been on holiday... Farting in a tw#t's Rolls-Royce then winding up the windows quick then getting out and leaving the smell for them.. (When they wouldn't purchase new tyres when theirs were bald...) Having a dump right in the middle of a toffee-nosed twong's croquet lawn. (Don't you just love Oxford's chosen few?) Pooring the contents of a hole-punch into your mate's de-mister vent on his car, so when he turned on the fan he had a snow-storm. Emptying a whole bottle of "Poundland's" top quality perfume (All expense spared!) into your boss's car's airvent, so when he got to his meeting he smelled like a "Wh0re's Handbag" Filling up your sister's boyfriend's windscreen-washer bottle with urine on a hot, dusty summer's day. (That was just plain sick!) Writing "Just Married!" on your sister's boyfriend's pride-and-joy" (A Wolsey Six) with shaving foam, your father throwing a wobbly, and the foam eating into the paintwork.... (Whoops!) Telling idiot's in the pub that in order to stop their windscreen-wipers from squeaking then spray them with WD40..(Nice rainbow effect when it rains!) One thing I've always thought about was to poor a whole bottle of strong bleach into a launderette's washing-machine before beating a hasty exit.. So....Do any of those count??...

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

Practical Jokes Posted: 10/2/2007 11:58:40 AM
Whoops...

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

What was your favourite OLD adverts from yesteryear?! Posted: 10/1/2007 4:58:03 PM
Most of mine seem to be beer adverts.. "Whitbread Tankard", (It's like bitter oughta be!) with the late great Graham Stark. Who can forget the classic "HEINEKEN" adverts? "When the beer is down, and making the tummy smile!" Even the "HOFFMEISTER" ADS.. "For great lager, follow the bear!" (Cr#p beer, great adverts..) Or the "HOLSTEN" ones, starring people such as Gryff Rhys Jones, Donald Pleasence (James Bond baddie), and Neil Innes (of Monty Python fame!) I also loved the old Olympus Camera adverts with George Cole (Arthur Daley/Comrade Dad) and David Bailey (Infamous photographer of horny-bints!).."David Bailey?.. Never 'eard of 'im! The "Dime Bar" advert still seems to come in handy, when describing a "Numpty" to someone else! "Armadillo?"

Joined: 3/25/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

do we have big cats/panther like animals in england Posted: 9/25/2007 3:51:40 PM
I saw one once just south of Oxford when I was on a train heading for Didcot. It was a medium-sized cat-like creature, black in colour and quite visible.. (About 300 yards from the railwayline!) I thought I was seeing things until the next day when in the Oxford mail there was a story about a sighting the night before! Then again I also saw a penguin swimming off Bournemouth Pier in 1978. (This was definitely real due to some poor bloke losing it from his private zoo a few days previous!) *C'est la vie!*