Emotionally unstable partner: how to deal? chat & forums.

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p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Emotionally unstable partner: how to deal? Posted: 6/15/2009 10:22:33 PM
No one wants a diagnosis. They want a friend and a partner. For good and bad. I'm agreeing with Wod here.. DSM aside, in counseling/psych work, you can only learn techniques to deal with situations, techniques to talk to people... a text-book diagnoses isn't going to help anything... in fact, it may make things infinitely worse as you are more likely to project onto him. Why not just play it casual.. wait til he moves, then meet if you're convinced he may be something special. Continue to talk to him, and if he discloses to you, then listen with unconditional positive regard (like a rising Carl Rogers!). :) then make the move when you feel ready. You have nothing to lose, and maybe a whole lot to gain.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

what is love to you ? Posted: 6/15/2009 10:12:08 PM
two lives in symbiotic harmony

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Emotionally unstable partner: how to deal? Posted: 6/15/2009 10:07:01 PM
i live in the boston area.. i can meet up with him, throw some darts, get to know him a little, then post the dirt to you in a private message. lol.. friends in the field. *just kidding... i would never volunteer myself for that.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

A question on a male friend (who is wright or wrong?) Posted: 6/15/2009 9:59:04 PM
:WHAT? YOU slept with HER!? :Yeah... but that was a while back... i'm with you, sweetheart :ZOMG! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME BEFORE WE WENT TO THEIR HOUSE!?! :Well, i mean... i didn't think it was a big deal.. we're still friends n' stuff. : What you did was awful because i can't sympathize with your situation at the time. :Well, i'm with you, and that's all that matters. I can still have friends with people whom i was close to, and that's just the way it's gonna be.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 40 (view)

What can you cook on a stick over a campfire? Posted: 6/15/2009 9:15:49 PM
just a stick?? marshmallows, kebob (skewers with zucchini/yellow squash, mushrooms, etc), steak straight up... i don't eat hot dogs :( but you know what was the best investment i've ever made... a grill basket with a long handle... that thing works wonders. the holes are evenly spaced and it's slightly bowl shaped so you can saute like a champ on it... a little pam and you're set... i do fish, veggies, etc.. and it washes easily with a little water (i keep a double-bag paper/plastic in the trunk to store it).. for camping/grilling... i like to prepare potatoes lazy-style... just to get the party started.. about a pound of yukon gold potatoes olive oil salt, pepper, garlic a lipton recipe onion soup mix. cut the potatoes into disks... place them onto some aluminum foil 2 layers... add stuff then roll the foil into a little pouch... toss them on the coals next to the fire, or on a grill-top... 20 minutes later, open.. CAREFUL, WATCH FOR STEAM.. and voila..

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

best damned greens ever. Posted: 6/15/2009 9:05:47 PM
mmmmmm... thx, lorelei.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Painted with the same brush Posted: 6/14/2009 10:05:08 PM
i've never gotten a date on any site ever... i take it back, i landed 2 dates from a paysite. it wasn't good. this is free. so no harm, no foul. and regardless of where you spend your time... you just gotta realize it's a big ocean and with lots of fish.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

what you think she really wants. Posted: 6/14/2009 10:01:22 PM
wait.. she has a boyfriend, a husband, AND a sugar-daddy in Dubai? wow.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Attraction Preferences Posted: 6/14/2009 9:59:32 PM
a blend of nature and nurture mixed with circumstance and disposition.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Hard Time Dating Posted: 6/14/2009 9:55:25 PM
well, it's obviously not a problem with grabbing attention. you're beautiful, you have a sincere profile, lots of long-term potential, etc.... i think that your challenges are admirable, and i know many would agree. i don't think it's something that people find to be 'baggage' or an 'issue'.. you said you have a hard time finding someone you connect with, and i must tell you that you aren't the only one. no one can really understand another, but if there are people willing to try, you gotta be willing to open up to them. if you expect to find mr. right-out-of-the-box, then expect to wait a while... if you are willing to be in a "real" relationship, expect to do some growing with someone... doesn't mean you have to settle, just find qualities that have potential and find someone genuine, the rest will come with time.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Need help with this one... Posted: 6/14/2009 9:45:30 PM
she sounds like she's not ready for anyone new in her life. she needs to work her things out, before even considering someone else. and that's too bad, because you seem like a pretty honest fella with good intentions. i agree with some of the others on here that the timing of these things is a little awkward, as with a lot of stuff, but hey.. that's what happens. the rose is not creepy. but it is rather intense... i mean, if there had been any time between your last talking with her and a rose, it may be the wrong signal (e.g. the poster that said you may be rushing things with the rose)... not answering your message could be a clear sign that she needed some space, and at that point, just making sure she had your contact info would be fair enough. after that, it's time to move-on. you're a good guy, she let you in on the tip that she was burned, and you shouldn't have to bear the blunt-end of the aftermath.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

LADIIES NEEDHELP! aghhhh Should I be player hatin? Posted: 6/14/2009 9:36:08 PM
i'm glad i'm not your boy. it's the thought that counts. and knowing my friends (whom i love and respect dearly), i don't think i'd want to leave my mate alone with any of them... but yeah.. do whatever you want to do. all's fair.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

best damned greens ever. Posted: 6/14/2009 9:15:59 PM
heat a skillet or 10" pan. drop a tablespoon of olive oil onto it... when hot, lower temp slightly. prepare greens (i prefer collard.. yes, i'm from arkansas) dinner for 2.... get 10-15 big leafy sections remove shriveled or dead parts wash cut bunch diagonally and once in other direction (i like to keep the stalks on them) keep them a little moist remove pan from heat (spare burner) drop greens onto pan they will sizzle and pop replace onto hot burner. sprinkle 1 tablespoon of salt, 1 tablespoon of garlic, a drop of pepper. stir until leaves turn dark green. serve with hot-sauce (for that southern-style) ** I know, it sounds like common sense, but someone asked me for it. and it's simple. takes no-time at all, so do it after you've started the rice, and after the meat has been turned once. voila.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

How long to wait for first meeting with guy? Posted: 6/6/2009 2:01:44 AM
You should meet a guy whenever you're comfortable. If he isn't, then he sounds like he has things to work-out. If he's shy, that's one thing... but there's no reason to sit-about waiting for someone to come out of their shell, esp if you feel like you could share something. Life is too short for games.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

What do guys believe impresses a woman? Posted: 6/6/2009 1:55:41 AM
Maybe if a pic w/out a shirt attracts a woman, I may have a chance... I'm relatively unimpressive otherwise. *physically, anyway. Smarts obviously doesn't attract anything... I'm always either too intimidating or a 'know-it-all'. Haha... OP-- what impresses women is how big of a douche-bag a guy can be... those that are outspokenly jack-ass-esque have a much higher likelihood of attracting attention, and ultimately, an emotional response.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

Any nice way to show you are uninterested Posted: 6/6/2009 1:45:16 AM
Just say.. "I'm not interested." It's easier to hear straight-up than to let it go... his imagination would probably drive him crazy, but if you were just straight forward and honest, it might not be the thing he 'wants' to hear, but he 'needs' to. Courtesy and all that.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 212 (view)

You are everything I ever wanted in a woman... Posted: 6/6/2009 1:41:21 AM
OP, if you are everything that a guy wants in a woman, then you are either a spectacular woman ( :p) or he is just saying that to get an emotional response out of ya. Maybe he does feel strongly for you. This can be confusing for some guys...

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Would you live with someone you want to marry? Posted: 6/6/2009 1:34:14 AM
I wouldn't consider marrying someone before considering living with them. There was once a statistic saying that marriages were x % more likely to end in divorce if the couples lived with one another first... or something of that nature. I think it's crap. Hell... I've lived with guys i met on craigslist (both good and bad)... i would only assume that if i were 'seriously' dating someone that we could live together more harmoniously than me with total strangers. That was a sure sign that me and this one girl would never make it... I have a nice house, plenty of space, reasonable rent.... I'm clean, well-kept, and I have a nice, elegant arrangement. She would have rather lived with total strangers from craigslist before even TRYING to be comfortable here.... what a waste of time, money, and of a relationship.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 55 (view)

Is it ever wise to date somebody from the office? Posted: 1/31/2009 6:32:31 PM
I am actually dealing with crazy stuff from around the office myself... I don't think it's wise, but if it's your only outlet, i feel for you..

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Major Picture Issues Posted: 1/30/2009 10:38:47 PM
facebook is only what you make it out to be. it can be a professional and private tool used to keep 'connected' with people who would otherwise be too far away to keep on your immediate attentions list... it's also an easy way to share. doesn't have to be about stupid flash applications and vampires or whatever... that being said... it's not like your'e asking to put pictures up on every god forsaken social site... facebook is pretty legit. you just want to proudly show off your main-squeeze, that's understandable. if he doesn't want you to.. then he's probably afraid of digging up old bones or making it to where he can't fool around.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 75 (view)

Money and Toys Posted: 1/20/2009 2:01:40 PM
money is such a funny thing... and it's very interesting that it came up so quickly. i dated a girl for a few weeks.. then after we split off, i discovered that she was the heir to one the wealthiest liquor distributors in the country... never would have guessed it. people who got it don't need to flaunt it.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Is it possible to have feelings for someone you've only talked to? Posted: 1/20/2009 1:56:27 PM
... i dunno, talk is cheap.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 57 (view)

The Kisssin Game. Posted: 1/20/2009 1:55:04 PM
kissing is nice... a kiss "hello" before saying "goodbye".. saying... "hey, i just brushed my teeth, check this out" ..*muwa! don't be too intrusive with the PDA, IMO... a peck... when you're out shopping or doing something fun... no crazy cyborg alien tongue stuff

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Do dance instructors automatically get labeled as player? Posted: 1/20/2009 1:50:51 PM
You would only be a player if you were looking for dates as an instructor... disclosure and whatnot will make you seem like you are coming onto them. there's something very intimate about a teacher-student-relationship anyway. it would be different if you were a student, or if they were other instructors but instructor-to-student is a little awkward. now, after the courses were over, there is little affiliation, then it's a better time...

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 85 (view)

Do You Tell Your Parents Who (or if) You're Dating? Posted: 1/11/2009 12:56:31 AM
Yes. I do. I like to talk to my parents about potentially special people in m life.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 121 (view)

Disagreement - what's with the silent treatment? Posted: 1/11/2009 12:44:39 AM
The silent treatment is very immature, IMO. What do you get from sulking? Guilt, mistrust, broken communication, etc. No no no... work it out now. Don't ever stop talking.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

What are we afraid of? Posted: 1/11/2009 12:42:40 AM
When people concentrate too much on things that have happened previously or too much on things that may or may not happen in the future, they lose sight of their immediate experiences and become anxious. Live in the here and now. Affirmation (like serenity said above) can only be accomplished by direct experience. There's nothing to be afraid of,... except clowns. "Fear is the mind killer." - Frank Herbert

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 222 (view)

What is your biggest obstacle to committing to a relationship? Posted: 1/11/2009 12:18:17 AM
Her. and her knowing that I'm not perfect.... and despite having to work hard to be a good man, there are men who are inherently better. So as long as she is convinced that she deserves better (and she does), I will never be in a relationship.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

What to do when an ex gets back in touch with you. Posted: 1/11/2009 12:10:08 AM
something to keep in mind is that you aren't the same people; therefore your relationship won't be the same. there are remnants; but don't be fooled. you are who you are now; as well as she. appearances can be deceiving.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Economics Theory and Relationships Posted: 1/11/2009 12:06:32 AM
if you want only what you need, then what you have is that which you cannot do without. i would like to think that any serious mate and I would develop a synergy, and our lives would be a symbiotic organism that thrives on each other... greater than the sum of the parts; but it's that way with anyone, no? friendships.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

What to do when an ex gets back in touch with you. Posted: 1/11/2009 12:00:18 AM
a little absence can make the heart grow fonder. You gotta really think about why it didn't work out the first time, and whether current circumstances (assuming all else aside) would lead to similar outcomes. good luck.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Profile says they want dating, yet actions say no....I don't get. Posted: 1/9/2009 12:19:58 AM
no the person was just being polite and didnt tell u sorry but i dont find you attractive ,,its the same line as when some one is approached in a bar and they say they have a bf /gf . back up a minute here... you mean that they are just 'saying' this to spare my feelings? j/k... yeah, i hear that one all the time.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

why do you tell someone you want to talk but not do it Posted: 1/8/2009 10:07:59 PM
doesn't mean he rejected you... just don't hold your breath for him. and take it as a precaution to their ability to communicate with you.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

How do you tell a teddy bear he dresses like a slob? Posted: 1/8/2009 10:05:54 PM
i wouldn't compromise... the way a person dresses speaks volumes about themselves.. even a grease-monkey can clean-up nicely. if you enjoy going to nice places that have a dresscode, then do it... it means that you appreciate a certain elegance and are attracted to men who can make their stature work for them.. you can always find someone who will go dress up and go out on the town with you.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 57 (view)

Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first. Posted: 1/8/2009 9:01:46 PM
the real-deal. face-to-face. no IMs, no funny-business. there is no affirmation of reality other than through direct experience.... to placate anything via remote correspondence is simply hiding behind your own insecurities. don't have to give out your credit card # or home address to meet for coffee.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 258 (view)

men want an open minded woman... Posted: 1/8/2009 8:56:41 PM
... who won't judge me for my own actions, opinions, or attitudes. or feel that there is some definitive truth behind everything without understanding that life and people are complex...

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

How can you tell you are over someone? Posted: 1/8/2009 8:52:39 PM
When I realize that things will never be the same ... or way they were when things were 'good'... You always have great memories, and thinking back to lost times, but living in the here and now, you gotta realize that you will never have those times again. It's conceivable that you have similar times with the same or different people, but things are always different. Context, time, everything else in life happens, and ultimately we aren't the same people we were 2 seconds ago, let alone... 10 minutes, 10 days, 10 weeks, 10 years ago. Will you think about him/her? yes.. probably. Will you think about a possible life with him/her? yes.. probably. Will it cause you to quit your job, move halfway across the country? _______ I dunno.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Would you let someone you met on POF read all your messages to other people? Posted: 1/8/2009 8:46:07 PM
I have nothing to hide. I will let anyone read anything that I have written to anyone else.... no shame. Just honest, transparent, etc... but such a request would definitely make me look at them differently.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Desperate Men Posted: 1/8/2009 8:32:40 PM
Hmm... Desperation should not be a reason to include someone in your life... despite your ability to host and provide support, etc... it seems that when times are tough, people look back with regret and try to hold onto any connection that they can..... but ultimately it will be his own duty to himself to get his life back in order. I would say... "maybe you need to work out some things first."

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 78 (view)

Woman won't tell me her last name Posted: 1/8/2009 8:26:08 PM
Thinking about this... I introduce myself with my first and last name. I live rather transparently.... you can google me if you want. I have my own wiki user page and business card if you'd like. It seems rather unusual that anyone hide their last name, unless they were ultra powerful or infamous... maybe wanted by the law...

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 77 (view)

Woman won't tell me her last name Posted: 1/8/2009 8:23:49 PM
How do you know her first name is really her first name?

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 236 (view)

Simple things you remember about someone special - past or present Posted: 1/8/2009 7:13:38 PM
When she said, "I love you"

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

What does your SO do that really pisses you off? Posted: 1/8/2009 7:11:36 PM
Yeah... I don't really get pissed off. It wastes too much energy and in a negative or destructive way. Everyone has their reasons, and just trying to understand them is the key.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 34 (view)

SNORING?? Does it really matter ? Posted: 1/8/2009 6:18:53 PM
She used to snore loudly and stop breathing midway through the night.... I called the sleep therapist for her and got her an apnea counseling seminar. haha.. not as bad as restless leg syndrome.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 1433 (view)

older women younger men Posted: 1/8/2009 6:16:27 PM
I was 23, she was 36 (~13 years). it was great. We really clicked physically and intellectually. She was a total fantasy for me; experience, few hang-ups, confident, independent. I was young, mature, energetic. We were together for about 6 months, and it ended nicely. Still very close. My last real relationship lasted about 11 months.. I was 24, she was 32 (~7 years). She was not quite with-it. I think it really depends on the chemistry.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

was in love with alcoholic Posted: 1/8/2009 6:04:54 PM
we all make our own choices in life... and we have to assume responsibilities for our own actions. if it's something that he revisits, he is constantly making that choice, and it should give you a pretty clear indication what sorts of importance he places on that and everything else. there's no reason for you to be personally responsible for him.. only he can do that for himself.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 107 (view)

Last time you were told I Love you? Posted: 1/8/2009 5:57:40 PM
by my friends and family, 2 weeks ago. by my lover... i've been alone for about a year now.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Do You Actually Read Our Profiles? Posted: 1/7/2009 6:37:35 PM
yes. and i check for spelling errors.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 1012 (view)

Men don't like TALL women Posted: 1/7/2009 6:36:15 PM
I'm 5'5"... there aren't many who are shorter than I am... it seems that most women want taller men. if that were the case, i would be SOL. all of my previous girlfriends/lovers were taller than I am. the tallest being 5'11"... i am attracted to tall women... i think they are gorgeous. intimidating, maybe... but it's responses like the post that started this thread that make me uneasy about myself for being short. yes, i'm short.. sorry.

p3hndrx

Joined: 3/26/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

is what you seek not always in your own backyard??? Posted: 1/7/2009 6:26:49 PM
i moved up here for the change of scenery. new life, new possibilties... has been a disappointment so far

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