Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: Charlie Sheen
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Charlie Sheen
Posted: 3/9/2011 6:20:27 PM
Its a shame that so many are watching Charlie self destruct. No one is stepping in to get him mental help. I think family can sign in to a hospital that treats mental illness right? His rants are a cry for help. So many stars, rock stars, die young from drugs, mental illness untreated. Such a shame.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 87 (view)
 
Why do men think just because a women does not like perverted
Posted: 3/9/2011 2:50:14 PM
I just love it when the forum trolls come out to play or is it show off their talent as post thead and poster haters. Same ole stuff same ole wise arse crappe.

Never fails ask a question and get the snot slapped out of you. lol. I guess its the new past time these days. If you all have it all together why be wasting your time on forums and be professors or something great. Heaven knows we need more know it alls in the world.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 79 (view)
 
Why do men think just because a women does not like perverted
Posted: 3/7/2011 7:53:54 PM
Why the sarcasim primewoman? I would not gasp. This is part of the narrowminded thinking the men have. You miss the point. Oh no I forgot to put on my bullet proof vest. lol. Wait a minute let me load my gun so I can shoot back. Dam I most of left my bullets in my chastidy belt.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Why do men think just because a women does not like perverted
Posted: 3/7/2011 11:30:06 AM
ha ha ha your baiting me. Sorry you will just have to use your imagination.........
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Why do men think just because a women does not like perverted
Posted: 3/7/2011 11:23:35 AM
Heres the thing. If I don't want to talk about sex right off the bat with someone, why assume it means that type of person is a prude or hates sex? Is it to bait us into talking for fear we will be labeled prudes or sexless bores?

Your right delete works great. I use it often. Just hate when my choice to not talk about sex instantly makes me a sex hater.

To those who complain about threads that are redundant, almost every single thread in the forums have been discused. So I guess they should just shut down pof forums as all the questions have been asked right?
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 62 (view)
 
Why do men think just because a women does not like perverted
Posted: 3/7/2011 8:26:54 AM
I have dated men who were out of this world lovers, but as far as someone to be with forever it was not a good idea. Sexual compatability is not the end all most important part of matching people up. I fell deeply inlove with someone whom I never had sex with. I didn't care if he was a terrible lover, just being next to him and being with him was enough for me. His kisses and personality turned me on more than I can even put into words. So the therory that we all have to know if the other person posesses all the right moves and can send us to the moon is really just lust not love.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Why do men think just because a women does not like perverted
Posted: 3/7/2011 7:15:59 AM
^^I agree. I don't think this is appropriate conversation with a stranger. IMO; it is crass and I'd lose interest right away. >>>>>>>>>

Yes thats my point I lose interest. So why put someone in an awkward position? Or is just that they are horny and if they contact 100 women 1 or 2 will bite?
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Why do men think just because a women does not like perverted
Posted: 3/7/2011 6:36:51 AM
Okay i forgot about listing this message and was really busy so I decided to check in to see if it made it past the 7 approvals to let it be on the board.

I skimmed through some of the posts.

I think my post is being misinterpeted. Or I didn't explain myself correctly.

I wrote the question because when i first talk to someone on a dating site I like to get to know the person before going into positions, etc of sex. Which leads me to my very point as some of the posts insinuated I don't like sex. This is the point in nut shell. I love sex and all kinds of sex except for one which is humanly imposible. I have no problem with exploring all kinds of fun and exciting sex. between two people who care and respect each other enough to not force or guilt into doing things. Like oh your a prude if you don't do this or that. Just because one person likes it does not mean the other one does.

I know some people will go along with things they don't even like doing to not get the other person upset or angry or lay a guilt trip. I use to be that way until I learned to respect myself enough to say no I don't like that.

So my point is I do not want to talk about my sexual likes dislikes till I get to know someone and see where its heading. When someone tells you on the first conversation that they are perverted, and being to share their likes and want to know what I like is not my idea of romance. Its a more of a sex interview.

If a women does not want to venture there yet the man automaticly says she is a prude or does not like sex. Nice try but guilt does not work on me anymore. If that is the only way they can get a women to spill her guts then they are desperate for sex.

It would be like me interviewing a guy on a first talk if he can get it up everytime, and how long can he last, and how hard does he get, and how big is it etc. etc. Putting him on the spot. Its uncomfortable when ones hardly knows someone. Do you stand in the grociery like sharing how you like to go down on a man or women? Do you share how you like to have your nipples squeezed hard when having sex with the teller at the bank? Okay I guess that is an extreme but my point is why not wait till we get to see if we even like each other and want to pursue something before sharing our sexual desires.?
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Why do men think just because a women does not like perverted
Posted: 3/4/2011 5:55:30 AM
that that means they don't like sex period? Sex is something 2 people agree on in private after they get to know each other and find out what each other likes. Is nothing private anymore? To me perversion is the lack of respect for the other person. Only wanting to satisfy your own selfish needs regardless of how the other person feels. But in this day and age it seems anything goes and no regard for the act of making love. Its turning into a sport of sorts. Like it has lost its value and respect.

I wonder do perverted people need help? If so I doubt they would ever get it.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
When does a person know they are in love and not obsessed or infatuated?
Posted: 8/26/2010 11:10:56 AM
Carolann I agree with your post 100% Your Granny was a wise women. This book I am reading tells the telltale signs of someone who is not going to pan out in the long run. There are signs if we are willing to see them and not be all caught up in the clouds. lol
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
When does a person know they are in love and not obsessed or infatuated?
Posted: 8/26/2010 6:22:14 AM
I am reading a great book by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol. Its an eye opener about relationships and how we end up with the wrong people. In the book it says we have to be with someone a long time to know its real love. Not obsession or infatuation. What if your with this person a long time and they end up saying sorry your not the one? There must be an easier way to tell if someone is really the one without spending years of your life invested in this one person. Things happen and yes it is always taking a chance. Yet we are only on this earth for a few years. Not a whole lot of time to be wasted on the wrong person.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 137 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/22/2010 9:59:46 AM
Alebien I understand everyone is different and we all have different needs, wants, desires, life styles, past history, idea of what love is or not. How to get involved with someone seriously or casually. I don't have all the answers and I know no one here does either. We all voice our opinions some more aggressivly then others. But since i started this thread. I too have been called alot of names and put down, and mocked, ridiculed, picked apart, from sleeping with every man I meet, to being crazy, naive, childish, desperate, stupid, not worth dating, and the list goes on. But the minute I tried to defend myself or say Idon't like being treated this way, I am an attention seeker, having a pity party, man hater, etc. So easy for people to say things in anger because I express what I don't like. I have to follow the crowd and like what they like. Not be myself and have my own opinion. I may never meet the man of my dreams. I can accept that. I don't hate men. I hate abusers, Men or women. I admire any human being man or women who fights for our country, reaches out and helps others, is not abusive, has a heart, is not looking to use people, is not a lier, can understand and have compassion for others who may be struggling. People who don;t like the way someone acts is not a man hater they hate the behavior not the gender. I think there are some wonderful men and women out there who should be examples to follow and want to be like. I personally do not care about how much money a man has or material goods or fancy cars or fancy jobs, clothes, house, etc. I care about whats in his heart. Money and material things are superficial if that is all a person is looking for. I stay away from superficial people. Don't hate them just don't like their veiws. I have more fun in a dollar store than walking through some expensive over priced store where you have to spend a fortune to impress people. I don't have to impress anyone. I enjoy the simple things in life. And yes I do enjoy sex. But it has to be with someone that I have feelings for and he has feelings for me. If down the road we find out we are not for each other that would be sad but it happens. Same with marriage. No one ever really knows another person or if they will change over time.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 131 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/22/2010 8:00:53 AM
MsMicki I think your offended like many others who prefer fb that some how I am out to condemn you all. Yes I think its sad that women or men think the only thing worth doing with the opposite sex is sex. I am sad that it has come to that. But if the people think thats all they want and don't care about having someone love them and cherish them that is their choice. But its not mine. Its so easy to use harsh words that end up causing a ruckus so I will try to be more carefull in my choice of words as to not offend people. I don't understand it and can't relate to it so I get confused as to the point of it all. Also if men know they can get this then they are going to be going around expecting all women to want this sort of thing. We don't all want that. I personally want a loving, long lasting relationship with one fantastic person. Who cherishes me for more than just sex. I sowed my wild oats when I was young and to be honest I wish I had not. It was not fun for me at all. I felt degraded and never satisfied. Again this is me. But I know I an not alone either. I find sex with someone I love to be the best sex of all. I know there are people who chose fb as it safer because there is no chance of getting hurt if both have no desire to be in love. I believe that its because they are afraid of getting hurt. So the next best thing is to just have sex and be on your way. No strings. I thought I could do that when I was young and I ended up feeling like shet. It backfired on me. Men say I can't fall inlove unless I have sex with a person. Granted we all want a suitable sex partner. No fun being with someone who is not pleasing you. We could all fight and argue about this for the rest of our lives but its not going to do any good. I just don't like guys who put on the charm and act all sweet and loving and say they care when all they really want is a piece of donkey lol.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 1211 (view)
 
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/20/2010 11:50:57 AM
I prefer guys my own age or around my own age. Younger guys don't know what they want and often times are just emailing me for milf. Not looking for that. SO much is available out there for no strings sex relationships. I don't see any of these people happy. so why do it.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 114 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/20/2010 9:44:12 AM
abelien your right I should not have used those words in describing those that want a fb. What I should have said is its cruel to pretend to want a relationship when one only wants a fb. TO some that may be flattering but to me its the opposite. It may be the wave of the future generations to just have fb and nothing more. It is however my choice to not want that. Even though my heart has been broken I still want to try and find someone who is looking for the same thing I am. I find many men to be afraid of commitment and its hard to say you want a relationship because it scares them off. I can't lie and say I don't want a relationship to trick them into liking me and then change after we are dating for a while. That is not fair to them just like its not fair to me to pretend to want a relationship and really only want a fb. Its much harder for people my age to find love because most people my age are so jaded they run when the c word is brought up or the l word. They have been so hurt they are scared to death of love. I guess i am just a sucker for love, and it may seem corny but I believe in love. I want the butterflys, the romance, the I can stop thinking about him, mushy love. I don't expect that right off the bat. I do how ever want to know what the other persons intentions are. Just be honest and upfront. I have had guys tell me upfront that they are only looking for a fb or fwb. I thank them for being honest and decline. Again your so right about me coming off in such a way that put many on the defensive and I appoligize for that. That was not my intention. I do see though that others have posted on here that feel its very wrong to want a fb. I didn't say that I just said its not for me. If I did say that I didn't mean to say that.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 1208 (view)
 
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/20/2010 9:15:25 AM
My question is I never even met a nice guy and if I did I would not dump them. I don't dump guys I try to be nice and say I am not attracted to them. It could could be for many different reasons. But how does one tell if someone is interested in you? I mean men and women seem to be floundering around in the dating pool trying to figure out what we are suppose to do or not do. I am not looking for a bad boy like so many say women want. Maybe if I was 19 but not at my age. Maybe someone who is a little wild in bed but not someone who just got of jail. Goodness why is it so hard to hook up with someone. We spend half our lives trying to figure out what the opposite sex wants. There are tons of books, adise, but here we are on a dating site waiting for that one. Some are just here for fun but I am here to meet the one. Sure wish I could meet a nice guy. I am not picky either. don't have to be rich, hot, well built, hung well, or even have a great job. But you do have to be polite, considerate, easy going, fun, funny, affectionate, interesting, and love dogs. Its pretty simple. SO where are the nice guys that are getting dumped?
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 101 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/19/2010 6:40:46 PM
one night not sure who your talking to but I never said anything about wanting or having or thinking that a fb is a friend. Are you talking to others who have fb? I am consfused. Sorry. I agree a fb is anything but a friend. friends are there for you through thick and thin. A fb is just that. Someone to call up and say you wanna?
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 99 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/19/2010 6:19:43 PM
Why the verbal attacks and the sarcasm and endless ganging up to prove your points? Is your lives that boring you get a big kick out of badgering people who are just expressing their feelings. feelings are never wrong or right they are just feelings. Why drag me through the mud over and over again? Is this some sort of initiation into the forums these days? I know forums can be rough but give me a break. What in the world is wrong with you people? What makes you all think your so much better or have it all together to belittle me the way you are all doing? So sarcastic it boggles my mind that so many are so bent on attacking someone for expressing their feelings about a subject. I don't hate men or sex. I would love to meet a great man but so far that has not happen. But you all say I am not worth dating and I am worthless. I don't hate sex I love sex I just don't want to have sex with someone just to get my thrills and not have feelings for the person and vise versa. Its my personal thing. My problem is the people who say they want a relationship and end up only wanting a fb. Why must this be turned into some sort of witch hunt to burn me at the stake because I find this kind of thing disturbing. Should I just come on the forums and only talk about things you all approve off? Who died and left you all to be the boss over me? Some of you are so full of yourselves and feed off each other. I find that just as disturbing. At least I have the guts to stand up to all of you even though I am out numbered.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 94 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/19/2010 2:02:42 PM
Deerdog, fer or I are not down playing anyones life experiences. Its not that black and white. All have had different and unique experiences and each person may handle or deal with it differently. So supress it, some ignore it some pretend it didn't happen, some refuse to let it get to them. And for the most part that is how I want to be. But things continue to happen in my life that prevent me from getting to that place. If one has only be abused at a certain time in their life and that is it then its much easier to get over. I have been abused much of my life and continue to admit that Ineed that professional help not because I am weak but because I am honest with myself and know I can't do it alone. I have learned a great deal in counseling and it has changed my life. I was able to leave the man who was destroying me. I was able to move on and have my own home and life. I didn't lay down and die or give up. I kept going and keep learning and growing. It does puzzle me why so many are into fb and how much its the norm. I can't imagine doing something like that.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 90 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/19/2010 1:05:36 PM
Fer thank you for saying what you said. I wanted to say that but I knew I would be attacked by the forum wolves. I realize I do regresss sometimes like a vietnam vet. I do have times when I feel like that little girl being molested and defenseless. I do have times when I feel strong and confident but I will never be 100% Its all part of the damage done and the depth of it. I know people who don't believe in counseling and are as tough as nails about their abuse and never talk about it. I feel they are suppressing it and that is very unhealthy. But I can't tell others how to live their lives. They have to come to the place where they are brave enough to face the pain and deal with it.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 78 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/19/2010 8:58:17 AM
so the forum is full of professionals who have all the answers and for that reason they can be as bullying as they chose to get their point across whether its right or wrong? Its a no win situation when dealing with those who think they are there and have it all together. If I don't say anything I am a wimp. If I say something I am being defensive. If I express my feelings or share my past its wrong. If I say that I don't want to be a fb I am not relationship material so all I am good for is sex. If I say I don't want a fb I am putting out too soon. If i say I an not putting out I am a prude. If I say I want more I scare a man away. If I say I was in counseling I have issues as if no one else on this forums does. If I say I don't like being put down for my feelings I am having a pity party. If I stand up for myself I am exaggerating. So tell me all the professional daters what is it I should say do or think since I am such a loser? Oh yeah I should stop dating and stay home and forget about a mate because no one wants me except for sex. Wow I am so glad I found out such wisdom. Its so enlightening and encouraging.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/19/2010 8:04:16 AM
I do look at myself or I would not have spend years in counseling MsMicki. Talking to others as if I am not even in the conversation is rude. Mocking me and saying I am exaggerating and blaming men for my problems is also not at all whats going on here. But you feel justified in having to badger me because I don't fit your mold. Do you think I would open up in a forum like this if I was not being honest? Why would anyone want to go into a group to be told off for sharing? Me thinks alot of forum people are full of themselves and like putting others down to make themselves seem so perfect. I never said I was perfect nor do I know everything there is to know about dating. All I know is what I have experienced. I have no reason to lie. So many in this forum keep saying its all me I must be doing something wrong to push these guys away and they only want me for sex because its all my fault I am not good enough for a relationship. How mean and rotton is that to say to someone? Your not perfect none of us are. Am I worth dating and being in a relationship? I know I am. I have alot to offer.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/19/2010 6:02:24 AM
My original post was due to a large amount of men only wanting sex and not a relationship. But they say they want a relationship and play the game so well its so hard to tell where they are coming from. Very good actors btw. Doing all the right things. Taking one out to dinner, opening doors, being polite, complimenting, being very friendly, showing interest in their dates back ground, family, ,hardships, listening with compassion, etc. All the things that would lead one to believe this guy is nice and worth getting to know. Then as time goes by the true colors come out and the sweet guy turns into if I can't get in your pants I am going else where. Then they drop the can't we just be fb? I look at them like they have 2 heads and they do only the other head has taken the lead. They know I am not at all into that sort of thing but they think if they can get me to like them enough I will say yes just to be able to be with them. I don't care how good the sex is my heart is involved and if my heart is ignored then sex is just a act that leaves me empty and unfullfilled.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/18/2010 5:59:17 PM
I see how much you care by your belittling comments motown. Stop saying your trying to help me go in the right direction. Talking to me the way you do is quite on the edge of verbal abuse. Hiding behind the I am just helping you line. I don't get abused anymore because I don't date abusers. I do encounter men that only want sex when they say they want a relationship. They even admit that if they can lie to get what they want they will. Please save your so called help. I don't need your help. I am fine. I just don' t like dealing with liers. But then again no one does . So I will keep dating and some day I will meet a great guy who is not a lier or abuser. It may take a long time but I can wait.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/18/2010 5:36:30 PM
Cowgirl not sure why you are so insistent on making yourself look so good and me so pathetic. I am sorry you feel the need to do that. You put yourself on a pedestal. I do not need pity or wallow in the past. I want people to know that as long as everyone hides the problem it will never get fixed. Just because your over it does not mean the problem is over. You look at it as long as your not getting abused who cares about anyone else. I see it as a chance to voice my opinion as a survivor who knows that abuse is swept under the rug and not dealt with. I speak for my future generations and family. In hopes that if we speak out instead of pretending it never happened maybe the laws will change and others can be saved from abuse or worse murder.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/18/2010 3:38:18 PM
This is not the place for you to unload your personal information. This is a dating site. And from what you wrote, I don't think being on a dating site is a good idea for you.


I agree with this and I was about to say it myself.


And this is the very reason abuse never changes because no one wants to hear about it. Its tabu, private, no one should know, keep it a secret, no one wants to hear it. Stop being a victim.

I am millions of other women don't care about the ones who don't want to hear it. Its time everyone heard it whether they like it or not. Stop ignoring what these women are saying. Let their voices be heard. Let the world hear.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/18/2010 2:28:33 PM
Closer thank God there are people like you on the forums so those who think they have all the answers can learn something that is not just coming from me but from many women. I find it very patronizing if not rude to tell me to get off the site. This same person has nothing but lashed out at me in every post but I won't lash back. Let her entertain her self.

Just because I do not like the way alot of men treat women does not mean I am at fault because I blow the whistle. That does not mean I am not ready to date. No one has the right to make that choice but me.

I am so happy you found a great guy. It gives me hope inspite of the na sayers.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/18/2010 10:11:55 AM
Hi JP cute smile btw. :) I realize alot of people are not sure what they want. With that in mind they should say that upfront as well. Let the other person know they are new at this and not sure what they are looking for. The other person can decide if its worth the time to find out what they are looking for. I have been single long enough that I know what I want and want to meet someone who also knows what they want and does not play games, or bs their way into getting in my pants. I have had guys tell me with in a week they want to get married and are in love with me. That is a red flag as well because they have no idea what love is if they want to get married already. that scares me.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/18/2010 8:41:29 AM
Fer I except your sincere appoligy and compassion as genuine. Yes I have been in counseling for going on 8 yrs. This is because I was abused from the times I was 5 time the time I was 50. Molested, raped, stabbed because I would not have sex with my cousing at 8, almost gang banged by about 20 guys, thank God I was in track and could run really fast. I married a guy whom I got pregnant with at 17 and he beat me almost to death in the 70's and I packed up my 2 babies and fled the state to hide from him as he was a staulker. I divorced him at 23 and was single going to school and stuggling with 2 little ones to make ends meet. A man came along that wanted to help me raise my boys so we could get out of poverty. I jumped at the chance not thinking he too was an abuser as he was so nice at first. Then the abuse came and he kept me captive for 30 yrs. I tried to get away but he always found me. I finally got help through counseling to hide money and make a plan to escape that took me 6months to plan. I finally got away and got the divorce but to this day he is still stalking me and harassing me and threatening me in which the system does nothing about. Its a very backward system and the abusers are never punished. They ususally end up killing the victom. I did move away and have felt better but he still spys on me. I have been divorced for 4 yrs and during that time I have gone through many men because I found out they were either mental, verbal, or physical abusers and lied, cheated, and only wanted one thing (sex). So it seems drastic for me to not trust all men but as you can see I have a good reason too. But deep down in my heart I keep thinking there has to be good men out there that won't abuse me or use me. I don't give up hope. Yet I do express my disappointment in the male gender. Because of the amount of men who have been a waste of my time putting it bluntly. If I hated all men I would not be on a dating site. I am trying to get rid of that feeling by meeting decent guys who do care and are not abusers. Does that make sense? Am I wrong for that? BTW I treat every man I date with respect and I am a nice as I can be. I do not treat them like shit. I have been often told how could I even want to date after all the horror I have been through. I have also been told I am such an amazing women that does everything right and so affectionate, fun, smart, and interesting that they feel they are not good enough for me. That one makes me laugh. They say how their ex wifes were ****es and mean and money hungry and boring, and not affectionate, and on and on. They say I am just the opposite, I deserve a really great man that can treat me like I deserve to be treated. Thats nice. "Where is he" lol.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/17/2010 7:52:52 PM
I would like to share this as I think its important for anyone who is so called trying to help, to read this.

When talking to a survivor of abuse, remember to listen to the survivor, keep the focus on her, and increase her inner strength. In no situation should blame be put on the survivor, nor should the counselor or confident give the survivor an order or command related to the abuse, scare her with possible consequences, give advice or lecture her, or divert the conversation to another subject. Remember, it takes a lot for a survivor of abuse to talk about her experience. What she needs is an open ear, not admonishment.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/17/2010 7:19:33 PM
lol everytime I bring up any kind of touchy subject that is hard to accept people recommend counseling, a therapist or dr. I have all three and have had for many years. I have taken full responsibility for my part but the part about being abused since the age of 5 by men is not my fault nor should any child accept it to be their fault. Even a grown women who has been abused to accept it to be their fault. Anyone in all walks of life can end up with a loser. No one is ever free from encountering bad people they are everywhere. I may be a target because abusers target nice people who are caring and compassionate.

I use to feel so bad when I was abused as if it were my fault and learned that its not my fault at all and I don't have to beat myself up because I encountered a jerk or abuser. Nice honest, genuinely sincere people are rare. People are just plain bitter and mean and take it out on the nice people. that is not my fault that I am a nice person. i don't put out as many keep saying. Assuming that is so judgemental. Why not see what I am saying instead of trying to blame me for everything that has happened to me and many women I know. Give me the benifit of the doubt. Its so easy to condemn me when you don't even know me.

Its unfortunate that i encountered alot of abuse. Abusers blame the abusee which is an on going rediculous notion on the abusers part. Why should I have to take the blame for what an abuser does? Makes absolutely no sense at all.

I have come a long way and feel good about all the progress I have made. I know I have to take care of my self and protect myself from jerks. If I could invent a jerk detector I would but so far I have to go on my gut feelings and ask a ton of questions.

Its funny how others whos lives are no better have all the answers and say they are trying to help when they are verbally smacking the person for dating jerks. Its a good thing I realize that people are uneducated when it comes to abuse, and often judge the abused. That is why nothing ever changes.

Sorry this topic got off onto abuse. Not sure where it side tracked. But my point is dating is hard, and finding someone that wants the same things is even harder. Why do you think so many put no games in their profiles? People pretend to be something they are not.

IF a guy tells me up front he is only looking for a sex partner I respect his honesty. But don't put your looking for a relationship if your not. And as far as men not wanting me lol. Please, I am no prize but many men have wanted me but if they end up not being compatable I can't be with them and vise versa.

That has nothing to do with this topic. I want more than sex. I want a meaningful relationship with someone who also wants the same thing and date to find out if the right guy is out there for me. I am in no rush. But I am 55 and time does not stop for anyone.

Men in general have been known to be afraid of commitment. Its weird. Women seem more apt to want commitment as they like being inlove. In general men don't want that. Not saying all men but a good number are stuck on being single and unattached. Just want to date and or have a fb. If that is what they want then let the person know upfront. thats all I am saying.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/17/2010 4:47:00 PM
Yup its all me ding ding ding what ever. You all have your fun. Its cool. Its all good. Does not matter that the men I date have more issues than I do lol. Na its all about the ops issues. Give me a break. get real okay. everyone has issues if they don't they are lieing. The reason most men can't commit is because they have too many issues and the reason they use women for sex is they have issues and the reason people are mean is because they have issues. I rest my case.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/17/2010 12:18:45 PM
Why not go lesbian? I wish I could but I am not attracted at all to women. I think maybe I should just accept the fact that Its way too hard to find a decent guy and just live my life and try to enjoy what time I have left. Many people end up doing that. I just wish men were more loving and honest.

BTW the last person who said he wanted a fb said in the begining that he would never want that because it does nothing for him. It was only when I mentioned something to him that upset him that he totally changed his direction and asked if I wanted to be a fb. He later recanted that question and said that I have way too much to offer a man to just be a fb. Yes he is physically attracted to me and that is nice, as I am to him. For me personally being a fb is selling myself short. If I wanted that there are tons and tons of men waiting for me to say yes to being a fb. Not because I am that special, but because sex is an easy way to get needs met without any feelings. I happen to have feelings that would prevent me from being a fb. Just can't do it.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/17/2010 11:43:34 AM
Comparing ourselves to animals is just plain foolish. If that were the case then we would all be having sex with our siblings mothers and fathers brothers and sisters sons and daughters. Yes the sickos do that and go to jail for it if they are found guilty. On the other hand the animals have no clue about morals. They just fill a basic need and think nothing of it.

Men have told me time and time again they are animals. They admit that they are pigs sometimes and don't act proper. That is why fathers tell their daughters all men are pigs to stay away from them. Fathers know that all though they may have been able to overcome some strong urges to be pigs they warn their daughters whom they love and want to protect against other men. Is that isolated or just a very rare thing? Absolutly not. Its been this way since the begining of time. Of course there are women out there just looking for sex and use men and the list goes on and on. I know for a fact that my sisters, mom, female friends and female relatives were not the get laid and use men type. Yet they suffered horribly with men who molested them, raped them, cheated on them, abused them, lied to them, forced them into having sex before they were ready.

Do I have issues with men? Yes I do. And I have very very good reasons too. I have not met one single man that is honest, loving, sincere, kind hearted, or willing to go the extra mile. No I don't live under a rock. I have seen my sisters beaten, my mom beaten, myself almost killed, I listened to my mom, sisters, female friends who were either raped molested or both and often beaten. How can women trust men when all they ever get is I want sex and I don't want to love you I just want to use you for sex. Its down right discouraging and demeaning. How can women trust men if its the same ole thing over and over again? It does not matter if you meet them in church or on line or at the bowling ally.

I personally think the male brain is preoccupied with sex so much they can't function unless they get it from who ever when ever and don't care about that persons feelings.

You can say I am crazy or need help or what ever but I am just saying what I have seen and been through.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/17/2010 8:22:14 AM
I never said anything about having sex in the beginning. Why assume I have sex right away? I don't have sex with a guy till I know quite a bit about him, his back ground, friends, family, past mistakes, habits, likes and dislikes, his ideas about many different subjects like what he is looking for or not looking for. What I am looking for and not looking for. Our sex drive, and other sex talk so that both know if we are compatable sexually. Many things go into finding out if someone is even worth your time. Lots of long talks, dates, spending time together. Seeing how each lives and deals with problems, stress, everyday life, etc. I happen to do that and some how all these men I have encountered have serious hang ups about being inlove because they were hurt so bad. I ususally find this out after a while of dating and then they say they only want fb cause they don't want to get hurt again. I was hurt many times and I don't have that sour outlook. Yes everyone is different, but for goodness sake emotional pain is a part of life. People let us down. We have to be able to let go and move on. Not build a wall around ourselves and only get some sex action here and there.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/17/2010 7:46:59 AM
The thing is whether you have sex or not in the begining of a new relationship, there should be some sort of ground rules established as far as the persons intentions. People who want a fb need to be clear upfront that is all they want and nothing more. The reason I say that is a person who wants a fb rarely if ever wants a real relationship with anyone. They just want sex. If that is what 2 people prefer that is their choice. I make it clear that is what I don't want and men say they understand and agree, then after a while they drop the ole well I was just looking for a fb you don't mind do you? lol yes I mind. I think its only fair that people not looking for a serious relationship to make that abundantly clear.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Why does a person say they want a relationship when what they really want is a fb?
Posted: 7/17/2010 6:15:41 AM
I have dated many men who come on all sweet and nice and seem genuinely interested. They talk about the future and all kinds of things that would lead one to believe it may be getting serious. Then they drop the I just want a fb. Wtf???? Why can't they just say that up front and save us both time. I am not looking for a fb now or ever. What a shallow way to view life and relationships. Just use each other too f. Isnt' that something the animals do? Aren't we suppose to be capable of love and more than just having a casual sex buddy? That to me seems so immature. Just instant gratification and no responsibilities. I see absolutly no joy or satisfaction in using each other to fill a sexual urge and nothing more. Is that what the world has come too? Just screw anyone and everyone when ever you feel like it and forget about the fact that that your human beings and should act that way.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Is marriage a burden or a blessing?
Posted: 7/17/2010 6:02:14 AM
Vivacious I just love the way you spoke about this subject. You have really made good points. Marriage can and is good if both partners want it to be good and lasting. If one partner is a player, lier, is not mature or done running around then they should never say I do. Cause they don't. What a cruel thing to do to the other person who is commited and gets a huge let down not to mention the price the children have to pay. Years of counseling for both the adult and children. No one and I mean no one should get married if they have no desire to be commited. Not the kind that should be commited to a nut house either. Those are the abusers and users. The controling ones who get married to own the other person. A person is not cattle. Any commited life long relationship takes alot of work and love. Make sure the one you decide to spend the rest of your life with is on the same page. Or your life will be a living hell.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Is marriage a burden or a blessing?
Posted: 7/3/2010 8:15:23 AM
I went to a local yardsale yesterday and an elderly couple was there smooching up a storm. I smiled and said smoochy smoochy, and the women said yes we can do that after 60 yrs of marriage. We are very happy. My grandmother and father were very happy and stayed married 5o some years till my grandpa died. People did fall in love back then like they do today. I think today people get hurt so much from unrealistic expectations of a relationship and end up being bitter and never wanting to take a chance on marriage again. Like buying a car sometimes it lasts and sometimes it does not. There are no guarentees in life. But people keep buying cars and taking chances. I have been hurt many times. It is the pits but I keep thinking someday somewhere there will be someone who will come into my life and I will finally know true meaning of lasting love.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Is marriage a burden or a blessing?
Posted: 7/1/2010 5:55:59 AM
Thanks Jinx. I saw my sister marry 5 times, each one cheated on her. I saw her get beat, abandon thousands of miles from home, you name it. I was 5 when her first husband had her on the kitchen floor with a butcher knife to her throat and she streamed call the police. I didn't even know how to dial the phone and when I grabbed it her husband took it from me and smashed it against the wall. I saw my mother be beaten by my stepfather and then cheat on her repeatedly even with my moms sister and got her pregnant. You can't make this stuff up. I have found that most people who are married are not compatable and end up very unhappy after the lust wares off. Reality sets in and they want out. Some stay for the kids. Some stay cause they have no money to go. ITs very sad if you ask me. Although the alternative of being alone the rest of your life has it draw backs too. Eatting alone, going places alone, no one to snuggle with at night, no one to care for you when your sick, etc. I think Marriage should be something done with alot of homework before you make the big step. People do change and they can hide some really strange ways. I for one will be ultra careful and wise. Don't sell yourself short. There are tell tale signs of someone who is not marriage material. There should be a book for that.
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Is marriage a burden or a blessing?
Posted: 6/30/2010 3:30:24 PM
Wow some really interesting veiws here. From one end of the spectrum to the other. Being married for 3 yrs to a man who thought I was a human punching bag and cheated on me almost every night, and then marrying a verbal, mental abuser, I found that marriage was a burden to me. Only because I married out of religious beliefs, children, and to have a better life. It ended up being a nightmare and unless the guy I meet now is totally abuse free I doubt I would ever get married again. I lost my home, friends, and a huge chunk of my life to men I didn't even know. They had dual personalities and they fooled me big time. Will I fall in love some day and be with one person? That will be a miracle if that happens. I like being single and having freedom to do what I want and not be abused. Its such a wonderful feeling. Now if I do meet mr right I will be so greatful for the opportunity to share my life with someone who actually truley cares about me and does not want to hurt me. That would be awesome. I might need a lie detector test though. Anyone got one they want to sell lol?
 purple passion 28
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Is marriage a burden or a blessing?
Posted: 6/30/2010 7:25:15 AM
Seems like people today are no longer interested in getting married for a number of reasons. Yet years ago people seems so happy being married to their soul mate. What happened? Why are people jaded? If its not the mans or womens fault they why is love and commitment 2 bad words?
 gentle whisper
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
meds and having an orgasm
Posted: 4/6/2010 10:07:22 AM
Since I started taking meds for my heart and fibro, I have a real hard time having an orgasm. The only way I can have one is if I use a vibrator. I want to have normal orgasms with my partner. For some strange reason I can not have an orgasm with oral sex. Its feels good but does not get me to that point. Does age play a part in fewer orgasms? I sure miss having them and even multiple ones. Anyone else have this problem and if so is there anything to help?
 gentle whisper
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 39 (view)
 
no communication no relationship
Posted: 3/11/2010 3:40:24 AM
I have found in my 55 yrs that most men are not overly talkative and there have been many jokes about that subject. How women talk too much and men not enough. Women tend to be more verbally expressive. Men tend to be more action expressive. Thing is if women were to do the same thing neither would know where the other was coming from. Yes doing nice things for each other is endearing. I enjoy doing nice things for people all the time. Sometimes its better to keep our mouths shut and not say anything, if you are going to say something that may damage someone.

Yet I still think communication is important. He is beginning to open up and I am getting to see/hear the real him. He has been bottling up alot of feelings/emotions for most of his life. Something very tragic happened just this week, that has changed his life for ever. He has opened up allot and he even admitted to me that he sees now how important it is to communicate.

Thanks for letting me share, and maybe help someone else who is dealing with the same thing.
 gentle whisper
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 34 (view)
 
no communication no relationship
Posted: 3/7/2010 4:46:25 PM
hi bugisback he was raised in a home where they didn't show love or talk. He even told me they were not allowed to talk at the dinner table. How terrible. His parents sounded like my stepfather. What a mean old miserable person he was. Anyway it would be so wonderful to just sit and talk about things we both enjoy talking about. I will look into the book. The seven languages of love. I do know I did some research on the net at many advice sites and the main thing was that communication is extremely important in a relationship.
 gentle whisper
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 29 (view)
 
no communication no relationship
Posted: 3/7/2010 12:08:43 PM
thank you summer loving for summing up what I am trying to say. I know we can talk to girls mostly about girly stuff and other banter but a partner should be someone we can confide in share our deepest feelings, fears, dreams, emotions with and vise versa. Why should we have to be the only ones who talk? I know men can talk because they sure can show anger emotions. lol. We are all human both men and women. We are not robots. We have the ability to talk, and express ourselves verbally. Even mentally retarded people do. I worked with them. So there is no excuse. Telling someone that they should be happy with what they have and stop complaining is wrong. I am not complaining I am concerned that if there is no communication the relationship will eventually die of boredom. Does not matter too much what to talk about as long as its stimulating thought provoking, interesting, or fun, or expressing ones feelings. Its all good and healthy. My boyfriend said he would try to communicate and said it would be hard but he will try. I said that is a start and I am glad he wants to try.
 gentle whisper
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
no communication no relationship
Posted: 3/7/2010 9:54:37 AM
ah blaugh please don't assume I wanted to dominate the conversation. I would have been elated if he did all the talking. I am a great listener but I also like a good healthy conversation where both people engage and enjoy the topic.
 gentle whisper
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
no communication no relationship
Posted: 3/7/2010 8:42:44 AM
this morning I had a long talk with him. He barely spoke. I told him we may end up breaking up and that I am not mad at him. I asked him how he felt. he said I don't feel anything. I said your not upset he said no. But after that he began cleaning the whole house lol. Is this some sort of non verbal communication? As I type he is cleaning my stove. He mopped, vaccumed, you name it. He does not do all that. He sometimes will help but he went over board. Is he telling me this is how he shows me he loves me and that he can't express it in words? Whats so hard about saying how you feel? He sure can when someone cuts him off driving. He can express himself when he is mad. So whats the problem communicating? Is he afraid he may seem girly? I just don't get it..????????
 gentle whisper
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
no communication no relationship
Posted: 3/7/2010 8:34:07 AM
lol 2dumblonds he's not really the get in bed type. There are no problems in that dept. He is a very generous, kind, caring man. Has lots of friends, likes to go places visit people, joke around once in a while, but as far as communicating or sharing feelings, etc. Its a big fat zero. Do I want to spend the rest of my life not communicating? No but other than that he is just the kind of man I was looking for. He loves the outdoors, pets, fishing, gardening, kissing, kids, working, helping clean, shop, cook. Will help anyone. he is very kind yet he can be very moody too. I don't expect a perfect mate. But gosh communication is so important. I can't read his mind. I end up thinking he is mad at me when he does not talk for hrs. He said he is fine when I ask him whats wrong. It took me a long time to find someone who had most of the qualities I was looking for in a mate. He even wants to help financially to save my house from forecloser. Its very tempting but I can't be with someone for those reasons alone. I do care about him. But........
 gentle whisper
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
no communication no relationship
Posted: 3/7/2010 7:56:04 AM
If there is no communication there can be no relationship. No matter how good everything else might be communication is very very important. Its the glue that keeps couples together. I am dating someone who does not communicate. I talked to him about it and he said he has never had too. ??? I said all your life and in your marriage? He said yes. He is the quiet type. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with someone who can't or won't communicate. I am about to break up with him because its really bothering me alot. Am I making the right move?
 
Show ALL Forums