TRUE LOVE OVER 30... IS WAITING FOR FIREWORKS CRAZY? chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: TRUE LOVE OVER 30... IS WAITING FOR FIREWORKS CRAZY?

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

TRUE LOVE OVER 30... IS WAITING FOR FIREWORKS CRAZY? Posted: 9/26/2009 6:26:25 PM
Almost 3 years ago, (oct 10, 2006) this (then) 35 year old guy walked into a POF event and met a super hot (then 36) year old girl . And again, 3 years later we have a great, loving amazing relationship/friendship. Every day is fireworks. It can happen.

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

meeting children Posted: 7/4/2009 6:28:19 PM
My guy and I waited 3 months until any sleepovers with the kids. I did meet them both before hand of course, mostly short friendly visits, then dinners. But it all worked out for us. We've been together almost 3 years now. Now for having met your kids after a month, I'm sure your kids weren't attached to him, and as long as you guys weren't too friendly around the kids they shouldn't feel like men are going in and out the door. Mommy had a friend and he moved... on. Just try to keep these meetings platonic until you know there is something more there. Use your best judgment.

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

So much negativity, is there anything positive? Posted: 7/4/2009 4:32:47 PM
rockondon... you're a riot!! That was the funniest thing I red on this forum in the past 3 days!! Sassy that's great!! love2be - Drugs ruin a person's life, I am sad with you girl :(

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

He's Missed So Much Already Posted: 7/4/2009 4:25:36 PM
OP did everything she could do to contact the guy and let him know she is pretty sure he is the father Yes... she did, she also did everything she could do to let the other guy know he was the father... if she wasn't just giving it up willy nilly or at least using protection she might have had a better clue! This is a tiny helpless baby, a human being who he *possibly* created Sure is, but OP decided to play "tag your it" with the infants life... not the men, so I understand the apprehension. SHE ABSOLUTELY should ask for paternity tests to find out who the father of this kid is... after all if there was a 4 week difference and the baby was born 3 weeks early, it could be anyone's baby! all fathers in the world can walk away from their kids and say "Well, too bad, the Mom started drama so I had to walk away" and they wouldn't be wrong for doing it Petty drama? Did you read the original post? He didn't walk away from her, infact he was planning to be there for her AND the baby, apparently even though she didn't even love him. SHE decided to walk away from him (which is fine because she didn't even love him in the first place) so WHY open your legs up and have unprotected sex you ask???? I understand what your saying, but PLEASE do not condone or defend her actions. I also did end my post with I hope for her daughters sake that everything works out. I am aware that the child is the innocent party in all of this but common... put yourself in the mans shoes. It's been 3 DAYS! He is still taking this all in... what was he supposed to do? Get in a car/plane and go see a baby that STILL might possibly not even be his? Wire money as soon as he got off the phone? Ask her and the child to move in? Yes I am being extreme. My brother just went through a similar situation a year and a half ago with his wife. So this hits pretty close to home. It's not a pleasant situation for all involved. Most of all the baby.

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

So much negativity, is there anything positive? Posted: 7/4/2009 9:55:16 AM
Wow seems no one has anything nice to say... I have voted to delete the thread, something like 3 more to see it gone... go for it

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad? Posted: 7/4/2009 7:43:14 AM
Jax usually I agree with your posts. <div class="quote"> your question is posed to women of legal age meaning they could do whatever they want Yes they can, the question I think the OP is asking is... ARE they ready, SHOULD they be having kids? Many of the reasons why women have children that you have mentioned are wrong reasons to have kids, just because a woman gets pregnant whether married or not, whether protection failed, for love or wanting to have a child is a wrong reason. At 20 in this day and age, young women are only starting to discover themselves as mature adults. Making a mark in their lives, and deciding carrer paths. Some are active party goers, drink, smoke up, and really don't have the lifestyle to fit a child into in a responsible manner. NOW PLEASE NOTE: I am not talking for all of the women race here there are exceptions and some women mature faster then others or upon knowing that they will become mothers and become VERY GOOD ones for that matter. But maybe OP is encountering the percentile that don't seem mature enough to have children.

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

He's Missed So Much Already Posted: 7/4/2009 7:31:09 AM
Um.... wow? Whoa... wait a minute... you find a man that is willing to step up to the plate and take on the responsability of being a father to your unborn baby you consider him your boyfriend, yet you say you two were never in love? Let me tell you something dear... a man who is willing to take on THAT kind of responsability doesn't do it out of the goodness of his heart, or as a public service, or just because he is bored... he loves (no... he LOVED) you. YOU may have not loved him and saw him as a convenience. So he's taken 3 days to call you back... don't sit by the phone waiting, this man needs time to think... time to have the news sink in. He is probably hurt, upset and doesn't trust you... and do you blame him??? I feel sorry for your daughter after all if she misses out on a good dad, she only has you to blame... no one else... Sorry if I sound harsh, I just don't have any other reaction for you. I do however hope things work out for your daughter's sake.

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

blended families....ARCGHHHH!!!! Posted: 7/4/2009 7:01:59 AM
Well, unless I totally missread your post (which is a little all over the place and a bit unclear).... I hope you have the intentions of "moving in on a relationship" with a woman with no kids, I think YOU need to have a meeting of the minds with yourself and ask yourself... how do you want your family unit to work? Is it me, or is there always going to be some difference that needs to be distinguished between one's own flesh n blood? All children of a blended family should be treated equally by BOTH PARENTS! The same amount of love, attention, affection and understanding and discipline should be given to EVERYONE, if not there will always be problems between everyone involved parents will have confilct with eachother, children will have confict with eachother and with parents. Not to mention the emotional toll that puts on everyone. But I don't have to tell you that... you been there and got the T-shirt! Unless you come to terms with being able to share yourself with someone elses child and see them and treat them as your own. I don't think you have the right to walk into another relationship where kids who are not biologically yours are involved. To be honest if you got out of such a bad relationship I don't think you should be considering "moving in on a relationship" anythime soon! But that's just my opionion...

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

So much negativity, is there anything positive? Posted: 7/4/2009 6:43:41 AM
I returned to these forums a few days ago after being away for about a year. Doesn’t seem like much has changed, the topics are all the same, the majority of the people seem to be different. Although these forums serve as a great way to share experiences and a place to share advice. Fact remains that there will always be rants, most of which of dead beat parents (dads & moms alike). All parents (full, part time and step parents) feel underappreciated when it comes to their ex’s or the ex’s of their SO’s, some feel like they are left doing the bulk of the child raising, while some feel they could and would like to do more. In the hopes that this doesn’t turn into the “here’s all the bad things I don’t like about the ex” thread. Say one thing you don’t like or can’t see eye to eye on, but then say anything good/positive you can about the ex in your life… Here goes… The thing that bugs me the most is, my SO’s ex has the children in so many extra curricular activities that not enough emphasis is put on the kids academic skills and school work and I feel like attention is only given in that area when the children are here. The positives are: - We are working on the above the next school year, and the kids will have less activities, where we will have more support from her with the kids' school work - She has been very supportive of our move closer to the kids - She has made a very good effort in helping us build a united family front between us 3 adults for the kids - The kids are able to share birthdays with both parents and myself at the same time without feeling awkward (and she took the initiative to make this happen!) - With her initiative, we see the kids everyday before school and the kids spend quite a bit of weekends and weekdays with us. - She loves the kids unconditionally like any parent should, which is why all the above has happened and as a result we have a couple of pretty well balanced kids.

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

When nothing is ever enough Posted: 7/4/2009 5:22:53 AM
My Godson usually comes stay with me for a week each summer. 4 Summers ago, I lived a stone throw away from a Scholars Choice store. I had a fun filled week planned for us, and figured the pool at the condo would serve as a good down time actitity, unfortunately he was only 3 or 4 at the time and hadn't been exposed to pools much, so this wasn't working. Since I didn't have any age appropriate toys for him at my place, I decided to swing by Scholars Choice with him and pick up a few activities I could do with him. As soon as we walked in, he saw the Thomas train table... he was enamored. I let him play at the table while I went looking for something to buy. Then I hear him saying to a kid... "nuh uh... you can have that one cause I'm playing with these", so I peek around the corner and here he is hoarding all but 1 train. And I tell him... "hey now, these aren't our trains, they are the stores trains, and I think they are meant to all be shared, so lets just put the trains somewhere where everyone can play and you can all share", so he pushes all the trains to the center of the table and I turn around thinking I handled that pretty well. Not even 30 seconds later, I hear someone's dad saying. "These aren't just your toys, they are everyones toys to share"... and his voice talking back to the man (not sure what he said). I grabbed him by the hand and said ok, It's time for us to go and I remove him from the store, no purchases made. He starts crying and sobbing and I ask him why is he crying? He responds with "Cause you're going to spank me" WHAT, HUH? (I have NEVER raised my hand at any child and I have no idea what made him say that). So I walk him to front of my condo, and stand him on the ledge of a small wall to get him to my eye level and explained that we left the store cause I found that he was being rude, not sharing something that you are playing with is rude and so is talking back. "So today there won't be any more Thomas. Maybe we will try going back tomorrow if you can promise to share with other kids, and not be rude to anyone". I gave him a hug told him I loved him and that I knew he knew he was a good kid and I wasn't used to him being rude and that bad behavior doesn't get rewarded. He woke me up at 7am the next morning... "Can we go play with Thomas? I promise I will share with everyone, and I will not be rude" I waited till 11 and took him. He behaved himself, he was good and this time while I was looking through the shelves I could hear his voice "I'm only going to play with this train so that there is enough for you guys to play with" - That's my boy! You did well by removing him, seems like your son is learning the fine art of manipulation with the tools you are giving him. Don't give in to it so that it doesn't become a problem. Most importantly remember that material things should never be tied into a conversation where you are telling your kid how much you love them. You are opening a whole can of worms if you do this. And I couldn't agree more with all that conscioussoul has said. Kids have no concept of gratitude! Great advise!VVVV Also agreed with!

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

8 years old, surely there is something that can be done Posted: 7/4/2009 4:24:43 AM
Rock Hunter... I have considered those options... My first decision was to not allow the child to be here alone with my husband. I can't run the risk of her making up some twisted lie that might land him in hot water. He is awesome with kids. I have had my niece stay with us a week, and my godson stay with us a week in his care. My family (including my kids) want to help this child. My kids actually told their dad and I that if my friends kids stayed with us they might learn what a "normal family" is like. I know there is some risk... however, I am pretty confident that the change of pace, the love, attention and affection she will be surrounded with, will not give her any reason to make up any lies that may put us at any risk. For as many issues as my friend may have with the children she has, we do have a track record of 22 years together. She knows how I am and trusts me with her children, there is no doubt in my mind about that.

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

23 Year Old Single Father Seeks Advice Posted: 7/3/2009 2:59:42 PM
If my mother had died at any point during my life I would seriously hate my dad if he started looking for someone new only a few months later. I'm not sure I agree with you on this one. My mom and dad seperated when I was 17. Allthough my mom didn't look to date, I told her she better never get married again because I would hate who ever she was with. I love my mom and said it because I just didn't want her to hurt like that ever again. My mom finally started dating a gentleman 7 years ago, he treated her like a queen. They lived together for 2 years before he passed away of a heart attack. I felt guilty and shamefully selfish because, had I been more open to her dating she might have been happier longer then 2 - 3 years out of ther entire life. OP - I hope you find someone who makes you and your daughter happy and have a great relationship with... it just doesn't need to be right away... you'll know when you're ready. Until then, get out there and have fun! Socialize and enjoy your lil girl

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

8 years old, surely there is something that can be done Posted: 7/3/2009 2:41:46 PM
I'm glad you guys understand the situation and or can relate because you are or have been in my shoes. I have often thought to just be very brutally truthful with the mom, but I KNOW it will affect our friendship and possibly end it. I can't bare the thought of being the next person to just walk out of their lives with no explaination as to why, so trying to take my heart out of it is difficult, cause to me, that's really all that keeps me around her. I 'm not fooling myself into thinking that a month will change everything. I know it won't. And I do know it's going to take ALOT of effort from the parents. Thank you all for all the advice, the thoughts, and suggestions. I think I need to have a meeting of the minds and really think this out. Because I know sooner or later I have to have "the talk" with her. And package deal... the trailer point you made... I have asked myself that and my hubby and I have talked about it. It seems that enjoyment superceeds the actual needs. She feels she shows the kids love by what she has bought, done or sacrificed for them. When I tell her I think her daughter is looking for attention and amybe just needs to feel like the special one from time to time, she answers with a... "Trust me I spend alot of alone time with her, I take her to this activity, that activity, I joined such and such organization to be with her..." I really don't think she gets it, because her mom was cold towards her when she was growing up. She didn't know how to break the cycle, so she has continued it. Times like this I wish I was a psychologist, or that I had the power to just shake some sense into her.

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

8 years old, surely there is something that can be done Posted: 7/3/2009 4:54:31 AM
You nailed it busdriver. As many have said as well. I know that at some point I'm going to have to talk to her and possibly her husband. Not an easy thing to do. To be honest I dread it. How do you tell someone they are being bad parents when in their mind they firmly believe there is nothing wrong with what they are doing? They will most likely take ofense to anything i have to say regarding the issue. I know my friends and I know that idealy, I walk up to them tell them my concerns and they say "whoa, I didn't realize, but since you mention it, we should seek some help" On the more realistic side. They have ousted family members who have pointed things out to them. I'm not sure if it was here that I mentioned, but I am pretty much the closest thing those kids have right now to family. They have abandonment issues that mom has instilled in them from having family just get frustrated and prefering to walk away. If you can't handle the first few why would you keep having children? They are all starved for attention. My hope is that once she has been here and demonstrated a different behavior, that I can then talk to the parents and say, ya know, i don't think it's her, I think it's you.

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Sleep Over... Posted: 7/2/2009 10:23:18 PM
Well, looks like you might have to rely on your son's best judgment. Maybe you can call "just to check in on him and say goodnight" that might wake the mom up and tell them it's lights out. Just a thought... As far as court is concerned, if the adjudicator/judge seems anal he will prob think this is questionable. If the adjudicator/judge seems chill and laid back, chances are you bring it up and he'll think you're being anal - think you may wanna just go with the flow.

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Sleep Over... Posted: 7/2/2009 9:59:01 PM
oh yeah... see I just automatically thought (assumed) there would be seperate rooms... in the same room, no adults... um... wouldn't be happening in this house.

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

8 years old, surely there is something that can be done Posted: 7/2/2009 9:52:16 PM
Mopegunz I know you are right when you say that the problem is not mine. In my heart of hearts however, I have known these kids all their lives, they call my thier aunt. They are estranged by most of their immediate family. I am pretty much the closest thing they have for family besides their parents. I feel an obligation to them and I don't want to be "another family member who just walked out on them"

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

8 years old, surely there is something that can be done Posted: 7/2/2009 9:48:04 PM
I haven't talked to the child yet. I presented this to my friend today and she is considering it. I did ask my friend for 1 favor. 1.) I don't want her threatening the kid for the next month with "If you don't behave we're sending you to auntie suzy's house" (I don't want to have the child come here under the impression that it's a punishment, or that daddy and mommy are treating her as if she is a disposable) I know one month is not enough, but it's one more month then she has now. I also thought about the "going home after" and I think that a visit home in between her stay here with the parents telling her that they miss (if they can muster the courage to utter the words) would prob give her some confidence. I know I won't have any problems having her come on her own, unless of course being here is being used as a threat by her parents.

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Sleep Over... Posted: 7/2/2009 9:36:26 PM
Well now it all really depends on the circumstances. Is the girl coming as your son's guest? Does the mother of the girl know your ex and are they long time friends? To tell the truth, I don't think a parent is ever comfortable with thier childrens first co-ed sleep over. Movies, now that's also a tough one. My 11 year old hasn't watched it, but he also hasn't asked to. I'd have to roll with the punches on that one.

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

8 years old, surely there is something that can be done Posted: 7/2/2009 9:21:16 PM
Thanks BlaBla - I will look into that and suggest it to my friend. conscioussoul - I will email you.

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

8 years old, surely there is something that can be done Posted: 7/2/2009 9:16:47 PM
There are programs out there that will help children for free... So don't use the money excuse... The child has issues, probably has to do with being part of a large family, among other things I'm sure... You also say that there are some Parenting things that should change, well there are Parenting classes offered at Hospitals and other places, most of the time those are free as well... I wholeheartedly agree with you, and trust me these are not MY excuses, these are the excuses I am given. I don't want to seem that I am going against anyone's advise on seeking help as I have suggested this time and again. I have no legal rights here I have no say in decision making, these are all things that are out of my hands. I guess this post isn't about seeking the obvious (the outside professional help) but more so my trying to make a difference in helping this child myself and if she does come stay with us for a month. Is just treating her as we treat our kids enough? Is there something more I should do? Am I doing the wrong thing in offering to have her stay with us?

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

8 years old, surely there is something that can be done Posted: 7/2/2009 9:05:01 PM
When I said my friend of 22 years I meant... we have been friends for 22 years she is in her 30's her parents are divorced and she had somewhat of a questionable childhood. She was always over emotional. When we were kids, there was no in between for her, she either liked something or hated it. I hate to say this, but I don't think she is a model parent. She always complains about how bad her kids are, truth is, when she was 6 months pregnant, she went on a vacation with her husband and my husband and I babysat her 4 "bad" kids for the week. I mean they weren't angels, but they followed our rules for the most part. Her 11 year old is a result of a failed first marriage. As a result I feel the step dad is hard on him and tends to treat him differently. He is expected to do a lot for the household and younger siblings. Example: We had the 7 over for a night over a weekend, 1 of the kids didn't have pj's and the other had pants and no shirt. The oldest got yelled at for not packing his siblings clothes proper. I told then that it wasn't a big deal and that we had extras for our kids and that it really didn't seem like something he should be responsible for. Their house is always very loud. There is alot of screaming, the kids with the kids, the adults with the adults and the adults with the kids. Our kids aren't used to this, I consider our parenting style firm but fair. We don't yell at our kids, we talk to them and make our displeasure known, sometimes there are consequences and when there is a privledge is usually taken away. During a recent visit we entered into a complete chaos. My step son brought tears to my eyes on the quiet drive home when he said "You know, they yell alot at their kids, I didn't ever see them hug, kiss or tell the kids they loved them once all day. You treat us better then they treat their kids and you're not even our real mom" I have tried talking to my friend. I have given her all the advise I know to give. I hear many reasons why and lack of money and an excuse to not be able to do move past this hump. Their youngest two, admittedly require a lot of attention, one being autistic the other is 2. I care for the kids, and allthough I don't agree with her parenting style I care for her as well.

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Can This Work? Posted: 7/2/2009 8:36:05 PM
If one of your other children hurt your 3 year old in the manner you describe, how would you have handled it? Would you have banned that child from your home, kicked him out of your life? Of course not, and yet because these children are not your biological children you did just that. [/qoute] I absolutely agree with this tsk... tsk stop acting like a school yard bully if you want this family to work. In accepting the man you have to also accept his children, if not, save yourself and your daughter the trouble and move along. At the end of the day, they ARE his kids, no man worth his salt would agree to ban his kids from his home/life for a woman.

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

8 years old, surely there is something that can be done Posted: 7/2/2009 8:24:18 PM
itsallinthesoul She was while in school. Her parents can't afford it outside of school. I do blame the parents, don't get me wrong. I do think that the reason she behaves like this is because there just isn't enough attention to go around. Too much focus is given by the parents to the bad behaviour and not enough positive attention is being given. I know the problem is bad. As far as I am concerned I think the entire family could benefit from some outside help. I am only trying to do what I can do.

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

8 years old, surely there is something that can be done Posted: 7/2/2009 8:19:00 PM
Really? Except my friend has taken that route through the school systems. Not to make excuses for her as there are some parental behaviours that should change. But she is part of a family of 7 (the money for weekly psychiatric help for this child is just not there) ... And I know what you're thinking... don't have so many kids (I agree with you, unfortunately, the kids all exist and I am looking outside the box to help her) Suzy

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

8 years old, surely there is something that can be done Posted: 7/2/2009 7:55:09 PM
I haven't posted in a long time, as life keeps getting in the way of my virtual fun, but here goes a long post. I have come here in hopes of helping my friend of 22 years and her 8 year old daughter. Lately her daughter has been exhibiting some pretty erratic behaviour. She is one of 5 kids all under the age of 11. One of which diagnosed with autisim. Lying has always been a problem. When she was 4, I was over, and her dad was playing with her, during the horsing around she bumped her head pretty hard on the floor. She went to school the next day and told her teacher that she got a lump on her head because daddy hit her. That didn’t go over well. Within the last few weeks my friend has expressed various concerns. 1. She cut her hair, then hid a pair of scissors and a knife along with the clump of hair in her brother’s bed. When asked about it she lied, even though her parents could visibly she had done it. When asked why she did it, she didn’t know why, she just did. 2. Her school bus picks her and her oldest brother up at the bottom of her street. Last week of school she decided that she needed a sweater from home, she walked home and hid on the side of her house. At this point, her mom thinks she is with her brother at the school bus, and her brother thinks she is in the house. The bus driver expresses he can no longer wait for her and that her mom will drive her to school. She never went into the house, instead she waiting for the bus to leave and decided to walk to school by herself. Along the way she met up with two boys. Anything could have happened to her. 3. She has picked up a habit of stealing, then lying about it. She has stolen from teachers, other kids, her parents, was caught going through her grandfathers pants. She never knows why she does it. 4. Her parents bought a trailer which they have at a trailer park/campsite family oriented park. Their trailer is right on the edge of the parks pool so that the kids can have some freedom and a fun place to be at for the summer. She decided last weekend to call 911 from the parks payphone for no apparent reason. They are currently on watch for her behaviour and any further incidents may result in the family being kicked out of the facility. 5. Today she stole candy from the parks variety store. Then lied about it. Now, mom would like to have her return it, but because the family is on watch she fears that in doing so they will be expelled from the facilities. Now although she has been punished for today’s actions, nothing is being done as a corrective action. My husband and I first offered to take her for the summer, my husband works from home and I work out of the home. After my impulsive offer, I decided to retract on a month because my step children (11 and 9) are with their grandparents for all of July and although I trust my husband, I do not trust the child and I fear she might lie and say my husband hit her or something that might land us in hot water for wanting to help. I did communicate my concern to my best friend (she understands), so I then suggested she come for the month of August. My friend is at the end of her rope, she is crying to me for help and this was all I could think of. Am I doing the right thing? If I treat her like my kids, and have her follow the rules and structure of my household, might this at all help her? What else can I do to help?

not_done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

New owners of Microsoft. Does anybody here know who? Posted: 5/26/2009 8:23:24 AM
I suspect that someone is Projecting. The manner in which you refer to common PC terms seems to indicate to me that you are the type of person who buys something at Best Buy manages to get all the color coded connections in the right place, and then feels they are a computer expert.

Not_Done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

help Posted: 9/11/2008 1:40:42 PM
What I got from OP's post is that HE did get a diagnosis (so he's spoken to a doctor) This condition will not affect his son until his son is in his teens... (the son is young still) the doctor does not know EXACTLLY how it will affect his son, (HE IS A DOCTOR NOT A PSYCHIC) He is looking for anyone who can relate to his problem and has been through this with a family member or friend... He wants as much information as he can get from anyone. HIS QUESTION (rightly posted in a PARTENTING THREAD - of a dating websites forum) WAS my quetion is this when to i tell him and if you do not mind why that age. thanks for your input Now had someone posted in the parenting section of this forum, my ex is a dead how and when do I tell my child, everyone would jump the bandwagon with advise (and get off a dating website and ask a doctor would not be the common answer) Should I give you some examples??

Not_Done_living_together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

I know what you did this summer... Posted: 9/11/2008 1:28:31 PM
Leeanne Even though me made it to Florida with the kids for a week, it was hardly relaxing VERY Exciting for sure, but relaxing? Not much, we tried to get too much into too little time. I came back needing a vacation! But it was GREAT memories to last a life time! Well, at least until next year when we go again!! For 2 weeks!! YAYS!!

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

I know what you did this summer... Posted: 9/10/2008 10:05:36 PM
We camped in the middle of a thunder storm. Luckily if was the middle of the night and we were all snuggled in our tents. I found it REALLY cold. Thank goodness for my man. He drove me all the way to a store to buy some extra blankets! I was warm and happy and he was happy he didn't have to hear me complain about the cold!!

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

help Posted: 9/10/2008 9:58:14 PM
I think the OP just wanted to know if anyone has experienced this condition with someone who is close to them (child/family member). I dont think he wanted to be ripped a new one over WHO he should be talking to. Im sure he has spoken to a doctor seeing as his son surely wasn't diagnosed by some random person on the street! You people are so heartless and quick to judge sometimes!! PS- Hi Amore!! Long time! We haven't been on in a long time... just popped in to read up on the forums and I see nothings changed. Suzy

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Mums and dads be aware Posted: 9/10/2008 9:49:34 PM
HA!! That IS funny... good answer westpark, my thoughts EXACTLY you took the words right outta my... fingertips?

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

The sky is falling!! ... oh, nope wait - it's the poop falling off the fan! Posted: 9/10/2008 9:41:11 PM
Not sure how many of you are still around, but I haven't been in ages, so I found this as one of my topics and decided to give an update. My EX sister-in-law did let my nephew come stay with us and he stayed for a week. She found an apartment in another city, had the baby, and is now living with the father of the baby. (They had a paternity test done and the other guy is in fact the father) Somehow she's still mad at my brother for not having paid half the paternity test. Now starts the custody battle.

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

I know what you did this summer... Posted: 9/10/2008 9:25:28 PM
Well no I don't but it would be cool to hear how everyone has spent the summer... kids are all back in school and besides looking forward to the next summer, there is nothing much left. Even though it was a crappy summer... How did you spend it, anyne do anything cool and exciting? NDL and I spent the summer working mostly (of course), but we did take a week off to go camping, and a week to go to Disney World in Florida with the kids. Suzy

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Oil prices vs fuel prices vs oil changes....hmmmm Posted: 5/11/2008 1:43:43 AM
the cost of gas is already over 50% tax. This is another tax on a tax. It has nothig to do with gluttony. I work from home, but my SO works 15 kms away, and my kids school is 5 kms away. so thats 40 kms a day in rush hour, which translates to a tank of gas a week. I could also understand the tax uplift if gas wasn't getting greener but these days its very clean (as comapred to 15 yeas ago). its rare to see exhaust from a vehicle on the street. add to that the HUGE record breaking profits the gas companies are reporting.... something isn't right.

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

It's a small world.. (or is it a BIG SITE) Posted: 4/7/2008 8:16:13 AM
Girlywoman and i lived across the street from each other, no more than 200 yards apart, at 5 (five) different addresses over the years, and never once met. Once we DID meet, we discovered the above mentioned fact, and also found we had a few friends in common. This past weekend, we attended a re-union of all the people i grew up with as a teenager (what a riot!!!). And wouldn't you know GW KNEW people i knew with BACK THEN TOO!!!! Makes me wonder how we passed each other by so often... i guess we just weren't ready for each other :)

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

It's a small world.. (or is it a BIG SITE) Posted: 4/2/2008 11:07:55 AM
this isn't about stalking.. it's about finding out a OFFLINE friend of yours knows someone that you know online only, where you wouldn't necessarily expect a connection at all.

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

EARTH HOUR - March 29, 2008 - 8-9PM Posted: 3/28/2008 11:39:36 AM
the less energy we use, the higher our bills go up. Why? because our bills arn't paying for the electricity, it's paying the the bailout severance pay that the hydro company paid out. its going to be fun tomorrow night sitting in te complete blackness with my two kids and a cat.

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

It's a small world.. (or is it a BIG SITE) Posted: 3/27/2008 10:17:50 PM
lately i have been surprised a couple of times in finding that people i know in REAL life know people from here, (these very forums).(you know who you are!!) Pof'rs are popping up in some really odd and unexpected places. It really makes the world seem smaller!!! has anyone else found a POF connection in an unexpected area?! Does it surprise you?

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 49 (view)

Child Support Amount Posted: 3/27/2008 9:56:42 PM
my ex makes 50k per year. I made $100k last year. I pay my ex $1500 a month in CS. $600 month for after school care and $200 a month for extracurriculars and other "incidentals" (like equipment for extra curricular, field trips, etc etc.. things i would assume would come out of the base child support) Thats $27000 a year direct to her for 2 kids (age 8 and 10) So her income goes up to 77k, my income drops to 73k. Next up, she asks for $800 a month in Spousal support, which further reduces my income to $63.4k and her income increases to $86,600. They are with me every morning I give them breakfast, i help with homework, i take them to school. I also make their lunch. I have them Wed nights, and every other Friday Saturday and Sunday nights. On weekends we go to the zoo, or museum, or amusement park. If they have a doctors appointment, i take them. I get no credit for those expenses or that time. She gets tax credits for being the CP, for the extracurriculars she puts them in(and i pay for), and tax free income. She can pay some woman $300 a week to watch my 8 and 10 year olds for 1.5 hours after school, (which i pay half) yet i have no say in that decision, i have to pay for it, yet don't get the same consideration for the 3 hours a day i have them in the morning.( a decision she made when she couldn't afford the $600 a week to have them in pre and post school care). Note i am paying based on the TABLES provided by the gov't. Yup.. equalization .. my income drops, her income raises. To top it off, i am also paying for $15k in university tuition, that was never used, (as this was her convenient way of getting out of the house to spend time with the person she was cheating on me with) but of course, bad behavior by a spouse means nothing in our courts. To take that into consideration would mean climbing up the slippery slope of private detectives snooping into peoples lives. it's much easier to just drain the Male counterpart in a failed marriage cause ultimately, he had to be doing something wrong. The marriage contract is the only contract where one party an breach it and be rewarded for it. But ya know.. i never complain to my kids, nor to my ex. I enjoy every minute i have with them, and would give up my entire paycheck before giving that time up.

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Awesome things to do in and around Pickering? Posted: 3/15/2008 12:20:39 AM
The most obvious one is to leaveit to find an awesome thing to do anywhere else... :D

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

really BAD movies you have seen recently Posted: 3/15/2008 12:14:14 AM
A couple of movies that I would NOT recommend are; Shoot 'Em Up Blades of Glory I hate anything Wil Ferrel made after Elf. They have no cohesion, and feel like a bunch of drunks getting together and recording their antics. Shoot Em Up though.. I picked this up last week, and it wa a fun easy going 86 minutes. brainless action and cool gun fights.

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Do Pre-nupt agreements stand up in Ontario or Canadian courts? Posted: 3/9/2008 10:27:06 PM
You cannot sign an agreement which violates Provincial or Federal law. (ie, you cannot agree to be beat up, or robbed, or forgo your rights to marital assets)

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Child Support Amount Posted: 3/8/2008 7:20:43 AM
Also in ontario, day care is over and above child support. as is extracurricular activities. So for my two kids... $1500 for child support, $650 for childcare, and $300 for extracurricular activites per month.. (note that i have no say in child care location, or which extracurricular activities they are placed, i just have to pay 50% of the cost, or the cost for one of my two kids).

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Child Support Amount Posted: 3/6/2008 9:42:27 AM
In ontario, it is based on LINE 150 of your tax return. That is the amount you use. If your income goes up or down, it is your duty to adjust accordingly. BUT.. You cannot go from being a CEO of a company one year, and a burger flipper the following year, and expect to have a major reduction.. if you were a high paid ceo once, you can be a high paid ceo again.

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

The sky is falling!! ... oh, nope wait - it's the poop falling off the fan! Posted: 1/24/2008 8:12:33 PM
Twin Girl - she does, her brother was litterally there when the blow up happened so he feels like he has to help her and Im sure he feels bad for her, right or wrong she is still his sister! As for her other family... they live further, none really have the means to support both her and my nephew much less a new baby, and I'm guessing the reason she hasn't gone to them is because she is ashamed of the situation she has gotten herself into. My brother taking one or both kids - well I hate to say this, but the only reason I stepped in was because even he is proving to be irresponsible at this time.

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

The sky is falling!! ... oh, nope wait - it's the poop falling off the fan! Posted: 1/22/2008 9:49:12 PM
Hi everyone... I have been away a few days and came back to mail and a whole second page on the forums. Well... things with my brother have certainly not gotten better, much less for his ex and my nephew. I had my mom bring my nephew for a visit this past weekend. When she drove my nephew to his mom she tried calling her cell to no avail. So she told my nephew that she would try seeing if is uncle is home (they are staying at her brothers - who lives in his mother in laws house) my nephew then told my mom... "oh no, we can't do that, what if the lady sees me?" So basically they are staying there without the owners of the house knowing which I'm sure makes it difficult on my nephew to be a kid... ie: can't walk around too much, be quiet... etc... They barely have money for food and to get the child to and from school, she was telling me that at times she can only afford one trip, so she walks a good 45 minutes 8 months pregnant to get to his school in the freezing cold and then takes the bus to her brothers house with my nephew. My brother... well I'm really mad at him, he feels that because he is not working he can't give her money cause he needs it to pay the mortgage and bills, so his son has gotten an entire 20 bucks in the last 2 weeks!! He has been less then there for his son and quite frankly, short of sticking my foot up his rear, I can't think of a darn way to deal with him, if i get harsh with him on the phone, he either gets angry and hangs up on me or starts crying... he's a mess, and at this point... I blame him for the state he is in, he is an adult he should be able to set his harsh feelings for his ex and concentrate on his son - he hasn't done that! AT ALL!! He tells me he can't face his son cause he looks at him and starts crying. Meanwhile the child was there on Saturday to spend the day with him and all he did was sleep while he told his son to "go play - by himself!" - So yeah I'm a little ticked off at him right now!! So yesterday I decided to call his ex and offer my help... I will not give her substantial amounts of money, cause she has screwed me over a year ago for a lil over a couple grand ($700 phone bill and a computer). I do not want her in my home, cause well... I don't trust her and I don't feel any responsability towards her anyways... so I offered to take my nephew until she can get on her feet. I can't take the child to school cause we live far from his school and it just isn't viable. All I can do is make sure he has a roof over his head that he can be a kid in, feed him 3 square meals a day and help him study while he is away from school. She accepted!! So right now it's just a temporary arrangement, after that (if it comes to that) NDL & I will take it one day at a time. And he has been great through this whole ordeal. I couldn't do this without his support. Suzy

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Favorites Posted: 1/13/2008 5:05:54 PM
We met when Girl_omanaddedme to her favorites to track my forum posts. after a week of no contact, i sent her a message myself. She wan't interested in me in a relationship way, but .. i changed that :) so it CAN work that way.. although not common..

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Slap a fine on adulterers w/kids Posted: 1/10/2008 7:27:44 AM
nemetos; You would leave your kids in teh custody of a woman who sleeps with men and women, and is physically abusive?

Not_Done_Living_Together

Joined: 4/5/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

The sky is falling!! ... oh, nope wait - it's the poop falling off the fan! Posted: 1/5/2008 4:17:29 PM
Well, here's un update: My brother took her keys and his bank card back from her a couple days ago because he didn't wanna get screwed over for his belongings or his money. She decided to leave my nephew with my mom for the weekend and she was "going to her brothers house", so today my brother passed by the brothers house and there she was with the other guy. So, now apparently she will only go back to my brothers house to pick up her stuff and my brother wants the cops to be present, just in case... he will also express to the cops that he is not kicking out his son, in fact he would like his son to stay with him until she has established an address that is stable for the lil one. I am just glad my brother didn't loose his cool at her brothers house. He seems to be as ok as someone in this situation could be.

Show ALL Forums