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papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Female Version Ot The Lords Prayer ::: Posted: 9/30/2009 5:54:20 AM
Now that is funny. Irreverent, but funny. It gave me a buzz anyhow.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

Things you learn from watching porn (not that I would of course) Posted: 4/6/2009 5:51:49 AM
All couples get out of their clothes right away and down to business. There is no need for seduction or foreplay, just get down and do it.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Ginger vs Maryanne or Smurfette vs Jessica Rabbit? Posted: 4/6/2009 5:44:56 AM
Clark Kent on Smallville has got to have the toughest problem of not turning into "Manhood of steel". Who is hottest Chloe, Lana Lang, Lois Lane, Kara (dang, she's a cousin), or the villainess of the day? I'd pick Lana, but it's a tough choice.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Women and Children First? Posted: 1/25/2009 6:02:32 AM
Just my opinion, but if it was an airplane evacuation, I would think the logical thing would be to evacuate as quickly as possible by whoever is seated closest to the exit. Why wasste time sorting people by sexes or age. What are we to do pass all the kids to the head of the line like a bucket brigade and end only saving half as many people?

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Idiot awards for 2008 Posted: 10/26/2008 6:07:44 PM
Well, this was just in the news last week. Wonder if last words before it happened were, "Hey watch this!" GRASMERE, B.C. -- A man is being treated in hospital after shooting himself in the head with a crossbow in the southeastern B.C. community of Grasmere. The RCMP say the incident happened early yesterday at the home of the 19-year-old victim during a house party. Witnesses say the arrow was fired accidentally by the man himself. Police say the victim was flown to a hospital in Calgary to have the arrow removed but his condition is not known. They say the crossbow was seized and they believe liquor was a factor in the incident. I would never have thought that in a million years.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

You know it's been too long since you've had sex when... Posted: 9/13/2008 4:53:38 AM
You fantasize about chicks in video games. Just imagine BloodRayne with the big b@@bs, stilettoes and black catsuit, leaping on you, wrapping her legs around you, sinking her fangs into your neck and sucking the life out of you. What a way to go. . I need

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 137 (view)

I need an excuse to get out of it.... Posted: 9/3/2008 6:47:13 PM
I have waded through all 6 pages of this and the plaster cast is the best answer I've seen yet. What our original poster should have done if he didn't not want to tell her the truth was to wait until 10 minutes after the wedding was to have started and then call his ex from his cell phone or a pay-phone, saying he had a flat tire and by the time he got the car jacked up he found the spare was flat as well. He might be able to pick her up in another hour or so, but maybe not since it's Sunday and he may have problems getting a new tire. Seems so simple yet no one else thought of this. He was looking for an excuse. jmho

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

The Elephant Posted: 6/21/2008 6:40:41 AM
It probably was the same elephant. If the man hadn't removed the wood from the elephant's foot, it would probably still be free in the wild, since zoo wouldn't want a crippled animal. Elephant blamed man for his lack of freedom. Elephants never forget .

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Musical show-stoppers in men's profiles Posted: 6/14/2008 5:23:08 PM
Hard to be Humble by Mac Davis "O Lord it's hard to be humble, when you're perfect in every way." One for the ladies. "Take the money and run"

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Musical show-stoppers in men's profiles Posted: 6/6/2008 3:52:59 PM
Real warnings signs I think. 1. I'm gonna love her for both of us. (Love triangle?) 2.More than you deserve. 3. I'll kill you if you don't come back. All from Meatloaf's Dead Ringer album

Papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 209 (view)

You Know Youre Too Horny When... Posted: 3/1/2008 5:26:11 PM
You get a woody when opening a can of salmon or tuna and can't imagine why.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

The Redneck Party Posted: 1/4/2008 6:52:56 PM
Government would be run much cheaper as White House would be replaced by a trailer in the local trailer park amd all major decisions would be made in the 2 or 3 holer outback. There be no more limousines for the elite, everyone just drive around in their pick-up trucks with their favourite dog along as security. Twould be the end of hard drugs. Folks would be restricted to beer, moonshine and home grown weed.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 40 (view)

BRITISH comedy (UK posters encouraged!) Posted: 12/1/2007 7:05:21 PM
Just showing my age a bit and no one else has mentioned. When I was in my teens Up Pompei was one of my favourite shows. Frankie Howard as Lurcio. There was a gay chap named Nausius and a sexually precocious daughter, Erotica. It had a lot of sexual innuendo. Not good for an impressionable youth. More risque than Canadian shows at that time I believe. I'm not sure if Lurcio ever got past "The Prologue"

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Australian Woman Killed by Amorous Camel Posted: 8/21/2007 6:10:01 PM
When I read the article it raised a few questions in my mind. This was very tragic, but..... 1. Was the camel's name Joe? 2. Did the camel have a cigarette afterwards? 3.Was it a one hump or two hump camel? 4.Did she happen to accidently encourage it by complimenting it on it's camel toe? 5. What time of day was it? Midnight at the oasis? 6 Was this poor woman so ugly that the camel thought she was attractive? Just wondering, no offense meant.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

condoms (this is so funny) Posted: 3/24/2007 5:38:53 AM
One more Secret condom. Strong enough for a man but made for a woman.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 1085 (view)

My Joke Thread. Posted: 3/3/2007 7:28:28 AM
FreeSexPlus sometimes is a time limited program which may cease running or will only boot up intermittently. There is no warranty and usually it can not be reinstalled. You have to put up with the inconsistentcy. Sometimes Flowers 1.0 or Candy 1.0 works to help boot-up, but no guarantees. Only solution is to start over with Girlfriend 1.0.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

101 things to do when I become an evil Overlord Posted: 3/3/2007 6:49:26 AM
I think you should amend #84. Maybe all guards should be eunuchs or at least you should determine the sexual orientation of your guards so as to not have them guarding anyone they could possibly be attracted to. Why keep prisoners at all? Tortutre them for information right away and if they don't talk, off with their heads. jmho

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

Depletion of Crude Oils Fact or Fiction Posted: 2/28/2007 2:04:55 PM
I believe it is a fact. Will it run out in 20 years or 60 or a 100? I would be interested in seeing evidence that there is new crude being created all the time. Oil, when it is burnt, is gone. Look at the supply of water, something that isn't destroyed, only changes form and there are many places where it is running out. Why else would there be interest in diverting rivers to feed the thirsty. If we can deplete water, which isn't destroyed, I'm quite certain we can use up all the oil. jmho

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

Things I Learned From Movies Posted: 2/13/2007 9:17:06 AM
Not from movie but from CSI: Miami Latest episode, cops send guns to foundry to be melted down, loaded with bullets. They also have flashlights that put the normal person's to shame as they have ones that help them see in broad daylight. Try that with your pocket flashlight.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

Things to never say to a cop... Posted: 2/12/2007 6:10:13 PM
(To female officer) Thanks for having sex with me in my Kia Spectra.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Things men ,woman should be banned from Posted: 2/6/2007 6:38:48 AM
Women should be banned from learning how to slice carrots, weiners, cucumbers, etc... Maybe they should be banned from even handling a knife. ouch

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 116 (view)

Gov't web site for dd parents Posted: 2/4/2007 7:01:59 AM
I suspect there are a number of deadbeat moms who haven't been taken to court. Some guys are too chivalrous, some dread the rocking the boat syndrome where all heck will break loose if they dare think they might part her from some of her money. Will showing their faces on a website help? Maybe, for those who have the ability to flee to another are of the country, but they won't be found out unless people take the time to browse through the site. jmho

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 41 (view)

MR MOM Posted: 2/4/2007 6:13:04 AM
Mr, Mom here. I've been raising 4 here, down to 3 now, for past 4 years, 17, 15, 13, 11. She sees them rarely. I haven't seen a penny from her YET, but have been paying her spousal support. Hopefully things will be changed in the near future.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

The sloth won't budge! Posted: 2/3/2007 6:37:57 PM
There is definitely something with the sloth that would be helpful to dieters. Imagine being able to watch food commercials on tv without being enticed to run to the fridge. I'd say research into this would be a good idea. We need to clone some sloth DNA into people with weight problems. I guess we can no longer equate slothfullness with being a couch potato. jmho

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Your Partner has..... Posted: 12/9/2006 6:19:58 AM
Go to a hardware store. Almost any man appreciates a new tool. (Power, that is)

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Dreadful things to hear... Posted: 11/23/2006 12:22:27 PM
"Now that we're married, there's no more need to have sex. gfys"

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Whats not meant to be funny but is !!!! Posted: 11/17/2006 9:48:07 PM
You are driving cautiously during a snowstorm. This 4x4 suv pulls out and flies past you. A mile later you see it stuck in the ditch.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

You way too sexy when... Posted: 11/2/2006 11:30:57 AM
You are so busy answering POF e-mails that you don't have time to date.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

IF Life Begins At 40...........>>> Posted: 10/8/2006 5:39:04 AM
Well I would say you can start acting like a 13 year old teenager at 53, be able to legally drink at 59. Just my take on the subject. No wonder my acne is acting up.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 48 (view)

What is the best benefit of a relationship? Posted: 10/7/2006 6:01:13 PM
The best benefit is having someone to scrub your back. Beats rolling in a puddle. jmho

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If....... Posted: 9/26/2006 6:26:33 AM
Your Princess Leia wears gingham, has bad teeth, is barefoot and pregnant.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

NATURE LOVERS........are you one? Posted: 9/25/2006 11:48:46 AM
Nature lover here. Once had a first meeting in a park on the Rideau canal. We walked and talked for a couple of hours. It developed into a relationship which lasted 18 months until she departed this world for a better place. The kids and I live in the country and love to do stuff outside. Nothing like walking in the woods for wildflowers or mushrooms in the spring or rustling through the autumn leaves scattered on the forest floor. I couldn't stand to live in an urban setting. Tried it once.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Has the Ex Re-Married? Posted: 9/9/2006 9:55:30 AM
The ex hooked up about 2 weeks before she left. They have since broken up a couple of times. Not sure whether they are together now or not. I'd like to shake his hand for all he has done for me.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

ONE MORE FOR THE GUYS,BUT ANY INPUT WELCOME Posted: 9/9/2006 5:10:03 AM
I don't use a webcam myself, but I think it would be something to save for after you know someone well, maybe for intimate encounters when you are apart. OP, I checked out your pics. You asked not to comment on them, but it seems the webcam is not much of a leap for you. It's a new age baby, I guess anything goes now. I'm sure you will find lots of guys willing to participate. jmho

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 88 (view)

OK... so what are your favourite commercials Posted: 9/2/2006 5:32:17 PM
The gum commercial with the guy in the green Speedo swimsuit dancing in the western bar. I just can't figure out where he had the pack of gum stashed. In his boots ? It would make a peculiar bulge in his swimsuit.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

On a scale of 1 to 10 Posted: 9/2/2006 5:22:36 PM
8 I have a Mac and had problems, maybe because I have an older operating system, not sure. I ended up using my son's PC. I guess that's why I buy runners with Velcro.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Single Dads......How well do you cook for the kids? Posted: 8/31/2006 6:25:02 PM
We very seldom eat out. Just can't afford that. I am a very good cook. Most nights I'll whip up something from scratch, potatoes, meat vegetables or burgers made from fresh ground beef, better than any of those store bought patties. I make a mean stirfry and rice. On nights when I'm beat or kids get the urge they will toss a Delissioso into the oven for a quick meal. For Christmas and Thanksgiving they lend a hand and we do it right with all the trimmings. They are getting the hang of cooking for themselves when I'm late or busy. In my opinion it's better than learning how to dial for delivery, too far out in the boonies for that anyway.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 89 (view)

Too funny!!!! Actions speak louder than words Posted: 8/27/2006 2:58:59 PM
"It's not you, it's the kids. If we didn't have the kids I probably wouldn't be leaving." This said in front of the kids.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

Sex or friendship first? Posted: 8/27/2006 6:45:33 AM
Friends first, definitely. If no "zing" develops there never will be any sex. No sense complicating things with sex. jmho

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

A few suggestions on how to handle stress Posted: 8/26/2006 7:12:14 PM
Definitely do not try dancing in front of your cat nude, or dsome dogs who like to play fetch. sincerely, Claude Balls

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

What song was playing, if any when you lost your virginity? Posted: 8/21/2006 5:10:46 PM
"You've never been this far before." by Conway Twitty.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 160 (view)

Do men really know what Women Want??????? Posted: 8/21/2006 3:42:05 PM
Sometimes, a woman wants a man, to get her out of a mess, that she got herself into. jmho

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

More evidence that alcohol and stupidity don't mix Posted: 8/21/2006 4:26:20 AM
Maybe to someone not too familiar with the Muslim faith, seeing a Muslim saying prayers on a plane just may make them think that he may be planning on meeting Allah sooner rather than later. Especially after the last scare. I do agree alcohol and stupidity don't mix. Only increases the stupidity. jmho

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

10 Rabbits, 4 angry squirrels, a skunk and a racoon! Posted: 8/20/2006 8:45:02 PM
Well my girls went to go for a walk, but turned back when they saw a black bear across the road. We have a couple of neighbourly wolves, and deer, but no Mackie. Would I want one?

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

Your Love Life is in serious trouble when... Posted: 8/20/2006 2:50:19 PM
Your parents drop by to visit their new semi-inflatable grandchild.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Are you proud to be Canadian Posted: 8/14/2006 5:59:25 AM
We may not be the number one country according to anyone's polls, but I for one would not choose to live in any other. There is so much diversity. My only regret is that as yet I haven't visited all parts of this glorious country. jmho

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

Is this the new trend for approaching women? Posted: 8/12/2006 1:24:47 PM
I blame it all on the Simpsons. There's just nobody like Homer to be a good role model for a kid. Doh, pass the donuts.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Nicknames men give their pleasure sticks! Posted: 8/10/2006 4:11:51 PM
The one-eyed monster Spitting cobra Lorena's prime cut (as in Bobbit)

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

family doctor Posted: 8/9/2006 4:54:57 PM
I've got same doctor since I got handed off to him from his dad. He retired a few years ago but had to take up practice again when his replacement left. Not sure how much longer he will last. We are getting a couple of newbies in the area tho, but there are a lot of doctors here nearing retirement age. Good reason to try to stay in good health.

papatetra

Joined: 4/13/2006

Msg: 49 (view)

OK... so what are your favourite commercials Posted: 8/8/2006 7:16:53 AM
I believe the "stuck on escalator" commercial is for Becel margarine and the "maple leaf" one is for Kentucky fried chicken. The one I get a kick out of is for Black Diamond cheese strings. A man and his son are at the zoo. The son is peeling down a cheesestring. There is a chimpanzee eating a banana watching them. It cuts to the chimpanzee being pushed on a swing by the father. The chimp is imagining it is the child. Poor chimp ends up with just a banana.

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