Why do I do this,.. no self esteem? chat & forums.

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Thread: Why do I do this,.. no self esteem?

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Why do I do this,.. no self esteem? Posted: 9/2/2008 12:18:43 PM
I know exactly what you mean as I have been there before. Not exactly the identical situation you are in, but some of it sure does sound very similiar. My reactions were quite like yours & you also described my feelings about it all to a "T". Had I listened to my gut feeling I would have saved myself a lot of pain & frustration. But i too couldn't let go. When he did once & for all, believe me I was crushed to the core. But at the same time extremely relieved the hurt, guess-work & self-abuse had finally come to an end. I think we want to hold on to to hope which is a good thing, but we also need to know when to walk away. Of course this is all easier said than done. You're not crazy by any means, but in my opinion personal counseling to get your own strength back may be helpful. Best of luck to you.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Dating outside your normal zone . Posted: 8/14/2008 12:13:34 PM
I have had an on-going struggle with this for a long time. & posted something similiar in the forums about this a long time ago. You would think it's best to be open minded because you just never know. But if you're not comfortable, it's seems wise to stick with what you know & like. But then again, if that's not working for you...then what? As you get older do you practice throwing caution to the wind & step out of your zone? Or do you stick to looking for what you know you want? Tough call at times.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 8/12/2008 9:48:01 AM
I have been there so many times before. The very best thing you can do now is to let it go. Oh I kow it'll be difficult. & painful. & you'll want to call him. But try really hard not to. He can not provide for you what you had hoped for so it's time to allow new things, new friends, new men into your life. The last thing you want to do, is to appear as an indecisive, wishy-washy woman, even if you feel that way. The energy you put out (confidence) is how you'll attract back. Good luck to you!

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

what to do.... Posted: 8/4/2008 3:12:30 AM
If this happened only a few days ago, I say give it some time. Don't rush to try to win her heart back. That will make you appear needy & needy is never attractive in the long run. But perhaps in a few days you can send flowers to her. Do not deliver them to her yourself. Just include a note saying that you wanted to give the both of you time to think about what you two shared. & let her know very casually & not in a desperate sort of way that your door is always open if she would ever like to talk things over with you, should she feel a change of heart. Then do nothing. I know waiting is very, very hard to do. But her response or lack of one will tell you exactly where she stands with you. I am not personally familiar with the term "pash"...but am assuming its something intimate. & if it is, then she more than likely felt no chemistry after the fact. It's tough to take, but almost everyone in their lifetime will misread & regret at least one intimate time they had with another. It's just the way lust goes. Good luck to you!

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

I don't know what to do... please. Posted: 7/18/2008 2:41:17 AM
I think the advice your cop-related friend told you is good enough to follow. Let it ride. But write down in a journal or something everytime she has harrassed you. Make a complaint to the police every time as well. She is hoping for any kind of reaction & if you do respond, you are fueling her fire. Let others deal with her because that is exactly what she is not looking for. Good luck.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Alarm bells??? Posted: 7/10/2008 3:08:01 AM
I met someone from here that made my alarm bells go off early into the relationship. But being so wildly attratced to him, I stayed until eventually he broke my heart. Doesn't mean this would have happened to you. But you should listen to your gut feelings. They're almost never wrong. Had I done that & been more spineful, I would have saved myself from a lot of pain, regret & needless 2nd guessing. <--(which is the worst!)

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Burning Bridges Posted: 7/8/2008 9:51:01 AM
I agree with the first 2 post's to an extent. & am not being wishy-washy. I replied to a break up with a cordial wish you well email. & while I'm glad to have done it this way, it sure left me wishing that I had given him a really good piece of my mind for a while. Usually to vent back with anger & insult will make someone 2nd guess their actions, as your family member did. & there will be a time they have to deal with what they did, process it, until feeling like they have "gotten over" their behavior. BUT at the same time, sometimes, for your own sanity's sake, ya just got to call an *hole an *hole.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 84 (view)

Feel that there is no reason for me to live Posted: 4/8/2008 2:25:50 AM
let me suggest you help yourself to a nice big glass of STFU! Your words are mean, uneducated, hurtful & of no use to the OP and what are yours? ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ I suggest to the OP that he educate himself about the way his mind is feeling. A healthy mind will NOT think suicide is an option. Suicidal thoughts are a symptom of a brain disease of some sort. Just like leukemia affects the blood, depression affects the mind. & for those of you (OP)who don't know, it is an evil, sneaky disease. Meds, professional therapy to help you learn the way your brain works or a combination of both offers a greater chance of survival & happiness than left untreated. & to surround yourself with those most like you too. You my friend are NOT alone. There is help available so that you won't always feel so pained & isolated. But the 1st step has to be that you are willing to work at it. Survival & happiness is possible. I know! I've been there. Feel free to write me if you want. I willing to listen because I undertsand!

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 41 (view)

Feel that there is no reason for me to live Posted: 4/7/2008 4:30:29 PM
Hey Naughtical, you wrote: those who really want to kill themselves, do...those who don't, talk about it) The OP is an attention seeker. You need to educate yourself before opening your mouth about a subject you obviously know nothing about! I am a survivor of a loved one who took his life & have since met many others who have experienced the same kind of loss. & I can tell you there are many people sick with mental illness disease that DO talk about ending their life & damn it, they do! One man in particular used to tell his woman "it's not a matter of if. it's a matter of when" & he completed by hanging. Unless you can tell me of your experience 1st hand with either feeling the same way the OP has, or losing a loved one to suicide, or showing credentials from your work with the mentally ill then let me suggest you help yourself to a nice big glass of STFU! Your words are mean, uneducated, hurtful & of no use to the OP.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

Just a question..........Do you believe? Posted: 2/24/2008 1:55:39 PM
In regards to letting someone go, I personally believe in the fact that "If someone is NOT your soulmate, the relationship is going to have to end at some point". & their decision to come back or not, is really out of our control.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 45 (view)

Plenty Of Fish Lost a Great Woman Posted: 2/22/2008 9:28:24 AM
OptimismVsRealism, You Wrote:I agreed. also the ultimate act of cowardice. i can understand assisted suicide if youre already dying from a disease that is uncurable. but to kill yourself for no apparent reason is just a waste of everyones time and emotion. i have no sympathy for the people who commit suicide, only for those they left behind **************************************************************************** Having lost my boyfriend/bestfriend/soulmate to suicide, I can tell you for an absolute fact that NO ONE & I mean NO ONE kills themself for "no reason". On the contrary, the reasons are plentiful. Except that, so many feel as if they are already a burden to their loved ones, they stay silent about their demons. My boyfriend could have walked away with an Oscar for fooling everyone. But education about the disease of mental illness (a HEALTHY mind will not do this) & accepting reality, enlightens one very fast about how many people truly "FEEL" & I mean really "FEEL" that the pain it takes to stay is greater than the pain it takes to leave. I'm sorry she felt this way. My heart goes out to all her loved one.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

Laughing together Posted: 1/8/2008 5:54:59 PM
For me, the bottom line is laughter is equivalent to foreplay. (nothing gets them endorphins going like a great belly laugh!) It's a must in my search for a soulmate.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

is everyone over 30 taking antidepressants? Posted: 12/26/2007 7:27:12 AM
This is in regards to message #4 from time...I swear this has got to be the most uneducated & ignorant posting I have ever read! You obviously don't have a clue that the brain is an organ like all other organs in the body. & nobody & I repeat NOBODY chooses any organ of their body to malfunction. But they do sometimes. Livers fail, hearts stop & brain chemistry doesn't always work correctly. In which case meds are very much a life-saving alternative for many. Would you question a patient with kidney failure about their treatment of dialysis? I am not on meds, but know of many friends over 30 who are & thank God they recognize the illness in their brain & to seek out treatment for it. "womanofsubstance" if its what you need to stay alive, then good for you, for only an unhealthy mind would quit.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

I just need to know!! Posted: 12/14/2007 4:11:23 PM
Well, a lot has to do with tone of voice. If you were sincere but not b**chy about explaining his lack of common courtesy & wishing him luck, then it seems he has pulled the "oh, she dumped me" manuever. So now you're the culprit in this scenario & he's the victim. In regards to his mail about you being shallow & horrible, it's all a part of his immaturity...which contributes to why he pulled his no-show's & couldn't man up to face you with his true thoughts & feelings.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Foreplay techniques Posted: 11/25/2007 5:21:24 AM
I have done this many times with one particular man in my life. Apparently successfully too since he would just stay still & take it, as much as he could. It sends chills up & down your spine, makes your body shiver & want more. Gives good feelings for both parties involved & I believe beats out the tongue as an excellent foreplay technique.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 81 (view)

Suicide? Posted: 9/28/2007 4:30:48 PM
I beg to differ with you lilbitcurious. You say its selfish for those who take their own life. You have every right to your opinion, but unless you have been in the "black place" that the mentally depressed people are, then you have no clue or right to judge their actions. I lost the love of my life to suicide in 2001 & eventually ended up feeling like I just wanted to join him...the pain that was unbearable, excruciating & it turned all black for me, hopeless, helpless without him. Until I EDUCATED (key word there) myself & learned that a healthy mind won't do this. & an ill mind suffers from the disease of mental illness, much like a cancer patient suffers in his body. & NOBODY chooses to be sick in the brain. I will be the 1st one to say it is unnecesasary to kill yourself since there are so many options to choose from today in the ways of treatment. But contrary to it being a selfish act, I for one apparently could never be so brave to complete the act.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

How would you handle it? Posted: 8/19/2007 6:12:05 PM
If she is not being straight with you now, she will probably not be straight with you if you were to confront her with the concerns you've posted here. It just sounds like she is forcing you to make a/"THE" decision here. Easier said than done though. I know "stinging" pain from the loss of a loved one. Growing balls means nothing in regards to matters of the heart (just my own personal opinion). Doing your reality checks will help guide you to make the best decsion for your own self. Best of luck to ya.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

What is your opinion of this Posted: 7/8/2007 5:13:33 AM
I am sorry to have to disagree with almost all the replies above. We're all entitled to our thoughts & opinions, but we are all just really guessing as to why this guy did what he did. I personally know very well what it's like to "need closure" in an abrupt & unexpected situation. Any explanation is better than none at all. & unless you get one from him (& then who's to say if you could believe it or not) you will probably process this with lots of assuming different scenarios & a million questions to go with each one, until it just doesn't matter to you anymore. It was a schmucky, cowardly way for him to end things, & a painful way to have to learn, but knowledge is power...& the sad reality is, is that the internet will still be "the internet".

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

What do you do when you meet the right one but there too far away? Posted: 7/4/2007 3:44:08 PM
I don't think distance means he's "not" the one. But it will take mutual effort on both of your parts to keep communications steady & healthy. Then, reality as it is, you would "have" to meet at some point & that will take even more work from the both of you. It's a real test to see how badly you each want to make this happen, since it is the effort from you both, or lack of it, "not the distance" that will either be the make it or break it factor between you.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

When things go bad & there isn't a closure...what to do? Posted: 6/30/2007 10:47:13 AM
My opinion is it sounds like you have found yourself a player. Not necessarily a "bad" person, but one who is obviously uncommiting & inconsistent. So now ask yourself, what are your options here? Being realistic can help you learn & move through this.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

has anyone experianced this??it was freaky Posted: 6/10/2007 4:25:19 PM
After speaking with a member here for no more than 1 hr total time & in the most unemotional fashion, he sent me his picture & then asked what I thought about his picture. When I told him "his appearance is different from what I have been attracted to & dated in my past" he said "oh, I just wanted to know where I stand with you". Where he stands with me?! The conversation quickly soured as he tried to tell me how I had worded my profile completely wrong. Which is is a lie as it has always been of a very platonic nature. So I blocked him.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

hangover cures wanted!! Posted: 5/22/2007 12:11:25 PM
Eat a valium & go back to bed.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 72 (view)

Phone No. In First Message? Posted: 4/26/2007 4:16:54 PM
I say go withyour gut feeling. If you feel strongly attracted & the subject comes up & you want to give out your number, just do it. I have before & have never had a problem. However, if your gut feeling is making you unsure in the least little bit, then listen to that as well. Theres a reason why I would not have not given my number out to others but have also felt confidant I was making the right decision for myself about it.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

i got a good question here Posted: 3/29/2007 3:16:13 AM
I agree with Mimosa, reply #5, it is defintely marketing. But I also understand where it could be mis-leading. You want to look nice to "get the guy/girl" (it works both ways) but once caught, you loose the effort (the honeymoon is over so to speak). It's not right in a way & can be disappointing to the partner, but 100% complete human nature. Fair & honest thing to do is to also post a couple of pic's. All dolled up & one of your more casual & daily state of dress.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

saw him for the first time in 6 months Posted: 3/21/2007 7:15:04 AM
Hey charmed3, ask your own self "what CAN I do"? If you want to call the shots, you can lay your cards on the table w/him. Or you can ask him flat out what his true colors are. Or what you could do is "nothing". Just as you have been. & I think that is best. Whatever you choose, there are risks involved, positive & negative. There's a saying "leave 'em alone & they'll come home, wagging their tails behind them". & if they don't, well, that certainly would provide you with his decision.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Exact Opposite Asking You Out Posted: 2/7/2007 4:40:42 PM
Thank you to Az_to2lycute for the compliment. & also for all those who answered. I really have enjoyed reading the replies. I have always thought that meeting someone new, anyone at all, is for the most part a positive decision...but just wasn't too sure, if the case were, that they were total opposite of what I had hoped for. Seems like keeping an open mind & being politely honest is the theme in everyone's post & I know I can do that. Thanks again!

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

V-Day Gift Ideas for Girlfriend (Only been together 1 month) Posted: 2/6/2007 9:39:10 AM
You could do many things in a causal, yet totally sincere kind-of-way. What comes to my mind is like a day of pampering, where I could do all the picking & choosing for myself. Seeing my favorite movie, being treated to my favorite drink &/or dessert & ending the night with being given a lengthy massage. May just end the night with a win-win situation for you both.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Exact Opposite Asking You Out Posted: 1/28/2007 4:33:34 AM
I have never started a topic & hope I am in the right catagory. I am also hesitant to ask my question as I see so many replies are often judgmental & not really replies at all. I also don't know if my issue has been discussed before, so "sorry" if this ends up being a waste of time for anyone to read. Okay so the issue is, none of us date people we are not attracted to. least I wouldn't think so. Doesn't mean others are ugly. Just means you are true to your feelings. You like what you like & accept that. I'm not saying what you are not attracted is not dateable. But what if you just don't feel the physical atttraction? I hope this doesn't sound shallow, but don't most of us have a criteria for ourself? So what if all the time it seems like the exact opposite of what you are attracted to is constantly asking you out? For instance(but not specific to me)maybe you don't like any extra poundage on the opposite sex. Maybe they need to be a certain height for your liking. Maybe you are not attracted to tattooed & pierced folks. & it seems as if thats all that is asking you out. How would you say "sorry, just not interested?" Now that seems simple enough, but is it enough?

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Do you like them LONG or SHORT? lol Posted: 7/25/2006 2:30:38 PM
33 hrs. No b.s. We counted together. I stayed with this man, my best friend, my soulmate until he passed away a year later. It was the best date of my life.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Ok..Not sure about this guy... Posted: 7/23/2006 1:27:45 PM
What do YOU think? My only advice would be to pay attention to your gut feelings. They're almost never wrong. Whenever I ignored mine, it would always come back to bite my a**. & learn another lesson the hard way.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance. Posted: 7/5/2006 4:02:43 PM
After chatting with one guy here for 3 short chats, possibly an total of 1 hours time, he sent me more pictures of himself. When he asked me what I thought of him I replied in a politically correct way & said "you are opposite in looks of the men l have dated & been attracted to before." To which he replied "Thats okay. I just wanted to know where I stand with you". Now my profile clearly states I am looking for a friend & at no time did our chats become remotely intimate. All I could think of is "where you stand with me? You stand in your city. I stand in mine". I never did say that but he demanded that I had worded my profile all wrong. So I blocked him.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

Death by suicide Posted: 6/15/2006 7:21:38 AM
I lost my best friend/boyfriend/soulmate to suicide in 2001. & I never thought of it as a selfish act. I always knew that a HEALTHY mind would not have done that. The true stats are, are that over 90% of those who complete suicide have a diaganosable & treatable mental illness. Depression, bi-polar, scizophrenia, etc... are all diseases of mental illness. Tricky, sneaky diseases that can fool everyone, even the person afflicted. It saddens me to hear how lost loved ones are blamed & shunned by the narrow minds of strangers. Guarentee you would sing a different song if you were to be touched by this situation personally. I hope for everyone reading this, they never are.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

your best pick-up techniques...... Posted: 5/30/2006 12:07:57 PM
I saw a handsome biker at a bar I wanted to meet. So I walked up to him & asked if he had just one minute. When he said yea, I brought him over to my table where a friend of mine was sitting & said to my friend, in front of & in regards to him "This is exactly what I'm looking for". His head spun completely around & mouth dropped to the floor. I only did that once, but would consider using it again since it made a great impression & worked like a charm.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

I have a Problem Posted: 5/27/2006 2:28:30 PM
You wrote: "I just dont want to feel like an ass by not wanting to date a girl whom I don't find attractive." Many people say physical attraction is not the biggest issue to make or break a relationship, but who do you know dates someone they are not attracted to? So, you're not attracted to big women. Many men are. I don't find myself attracted to bald men but there are many handsome shaved heads out there. Bottom line is we all like what we like, are attracted to what-ever it is we're attracted to. Doesn't make us an ass. Just makes us human.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 76 (view)

What the number 1 most attractive thing in a guys personality? Posted: 5/19/2006 9:47:23 AM
Without a doubt, a sense of humor is mandatory. To me this is equivilant to foreplay, with your clothes on!

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

Mini skirts, low riding jeans, .........and cleavage Posted: 5/6/2006 3:12:08 PM
I have a shirt from Fredericks of Hollywood that covers all of me but exposes my bare shoulders. & I know it is the sexiest shirt I own because both men & women tell me so every time I wear it. There is a HUGE differenece between sexy-sleazy & sexy-classy.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

suicide solution Posted: 4/19/2006 2:53:42 AM
I lost my soulmate to suicide in 2001. Bottom line is a "healthy" mind will not make this choice. Mental illness, whatever form(depression, bi-polar,etc...) is like a cancer of the mind. Stats are over 90% of those who suicide have a diagnosable & treatable illness. Your friend needs not only professional help, but also non-judgmental supportive friends that will assure them they are not really as alone as they feel they are & will not be left alone also.

scorpioja

Joined: 4/16/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

broken heart .... yeh 4 my dog Posted: 4/18/2006 3:05:00 AM
Yes. Another dog rescuer explained to me after I lost my 2nd Basset that all the dogs in your life are special in their own way. But there will always be that one who was your "soul-mate" dog. Believe in your heart you two will meet agagin & just remember, "if it wasn't good it wouldnt hurt". Try www.rainbowsbridge.com for comfort & support.

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