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 Author Thread: Why don't women understand?
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Why don't women understand?
Posted: 11/11/2009 12:44:13 PM
Oi,.. Monkey boy,... Did your Mother teach you no manners at all?
Play nicely in the Forums.. did you read my post? I actually agree with your point that no one should bring previous issues from a previous relationship.
Those who do are a liability to a new BF or GF.
BUT... calling people weak for doing that displays some really harsh judgment on your part, and you in a new relationship would be impatient and insensitive to the least bit doubt or hesitancy in someone. You'd crush someone weak,.. cos you're a bully, Monkey Boy.
At least the OP is getting this out to be discussed,.. what do you do with your hurt Monkey Boy? Or is life just all fun fun fun, in some Vulcan like emotional wasteland that you play in?
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Why don't women understand?
Posted: 11/11/2009 12:13:24 PM
Good gawd... has to be an INTJ^^^^ has to be.

Ahem,...as you can see, OP, a perfect illustration of what i spoke of earlier,.. a lot of men WONT talk about this stuff, and even try to denigate other men who do. This shows fear, of their own unresolved hurt and fears,,... or. it may be a real lack of empathy.. either way... its not the win, is it..
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Why don't women understand?
Posted: 11/11/2009 11:39:35 AM
We can all be given some rather nasty flashbacks OP, I agree.
But, I've found that a lot of men don't want to talk about it as you seem keen to do,.. a lot will take note of the few red flags flying fo them, say nothing, observe, distance themselves emotionally, and start to prepare to run...
and the new GF is left bewildered, wondering what she's done..
If you're so hurt and damaged from a previous relationship that echoes, even small ones of the same sort of behavoiur from a previous partner fill you with such dread,... then I recommend you dont date until you're stronger, and over the last hurt, and ready to trust again.
You ARE being unfair to a new person by witholding trust and commitment because of past fears. Its very unfair,,this is where some divorced men get the label of being damaged goods and commitment phobes.
Past hurt can become a convenient excuse to never fully give of yourself to someone else again. I'm aware this works in both genders, but some men really WONT talk about this stuff.
If a past relationship haunts you this bad, wait a while until you've healed.
If however, the new woman is exhibiting real signs of being a lair, cheater etc etc... then move on, of course, theyre not called red flags for nothing. But I fear a lot of men use the hurt thing as an excuse to go REALLY REALLY slow.

Edit..I read your profle, you're separated, so that narrows your choices down. You'll find more women interested and ready to take you seriously when you're actually divorced.
You're hurt, vunerable, and on the rebound by the looks of things here OP, regardless of how much time has gone by since your marriage broke up.
Watch out that you dont hurt an innocent new partner whilst you flail around in your own pain..
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Falling in love too fast or at a good pace?
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:46:01 PM
Ok OP,.. time to get a bit of perspective okay?
You're second guessing yourself, terrified of mucking everything up, and you're in danger of building this bloke up into someone you'll feel you have to walk on eggshells around.
Stop that now, okay?
Its not about what your freind thinks, or your Mom thinks or even what HE thinks right now. You're giving away far too much of your own self determination.. when you flip flop like this, you're becoming too vunerable. take less notice of others, and trust your own strength more.
For now, take all his 'I miss you's' and nice stuff with a little pinch of alt. he may be sincere,.. only time will tell. Enjoy him, by all means,.. enjoy the developing relationship, but dont feel that YOU have to define your feelings at such an early stage.
YOU dont have to react in any defined way to his nice words or overtures hyet, .. its not a race.
YOU dont have to wait to see what he does, before mirroring his perceived fellings or behaviour.
This is not about him right now... its about you.
You are under no obligation to love him/ fall for him/ or alternately NOT fall for him.
Dont be so worried about defining how you feel, for you dont have to act on ANY of those feelings until YOU want to. Theres no set time for this, you'e not against a clock.
Its clear you like him lots already.
So,.. give it a lot more time,.. and recognise your feelings but DONT feel obligated to act on them.
Feel them, and then have a good think about them, when you're alone and less stimulated by him, his presence, or his phone calls.
keep remebering.. YOU are in control of yourself,.. and this man is not Gods gift that you have to make it solid with him straightaway.
Time, a bit of clear thinking, a healthy dose of caution and irreverance towards him in your mind,.. and you should be out of the danger zone of building him up into something he's not
nothing wrong with falling for someone quickly... just dont let it be known, or act on it until you've seen that he's gonna be consistant.
Think of it this way.. YOU'RE the catch here,.. and maybe you'll have to see if you really want to be with him... and give him the chance to fall for you.
'Not every boat you come across is one you have to take,
Sometimes you find, that standing still,
is the best move you'll ever make'

G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Dating when is it appropriate to take yourself off the market?
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:48:35 PM
revilors,..she said she isnt with him any longer. I think shes entitled to the status she claims.
Ohh OP, this is always a toughie.
The responses will be varied and myriad.
The only solution to this is within yourself. If you feel that its wrong for him to be on here, then, its wrong.
You should never be seeing someone, whilst feeling unhappy or worried about aspects of their behaviour.
My personal opinion is if someone still has an active profile up after a month, and he's talked about a future to you, which implies exclusivity,.. and he doesnt post to forums, and hasnt changed his status to indicate that he's not on the market, then.... he's up to no good. You made the right choice IMO
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 153 (view)
 
Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:49:08 AM
Tiger Woods..

i agree with your post point for point.
its really all about two people wanting the same thing.
We all tend to speak a bit in absolutes when being challenged,.. but in one of my posts i did say that marriage should be something both want, or its pointless.
I myself never particularly wanted marriage. The marriage i was going to enter into was my way of showing my late fiance that i loved and trusted him enough to give him what he wanted. I wouldnt feel the need to be married now, or in the future, but if it was something a much loved partner wanted, i would consider it again.
There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be married.
i have no wish to 'convert' anyone to marriage as an ideal... I only wished to be a sort of Devils advocate about marriage, because some women and yes, some men want it,.. and it seems realism or cynicism has overtaken so many to such an extent, that it has almost become like a form of fashionable bigotry to despise and look with suspicion upon people who do wish to be married.
To some its the epitome of commitment, and love, to others it is a position of bondage and power brokering that is to be strongly avoided.
neither are right are wrong... all views are valid.
I merely represented some views on perhaps why some people wish to be married,.. and was challenged in a very knee jerk reactionary way, by some. I think Tuff luv summed it up pretty well for me, as I share a lot of her views on this subject. To advise people not to be with someone who isnt on the same page as you, (which is all Tuff luv was really doing) seems a reasonable and sensible viewpoint to me.

Exchange of views.
Thanks
G. xxxx
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 141 (view)
 
Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:21:00 AM
I totally Agree with you DJ-78.
If both are on the same page..
then there shouldnt be years of wasted time and misunderstanding as to what the other wants.

Its a compatability issue,..
Neither side should be wanting to force the other into their expectations if they dont agree.
Communication is key on this..
HOWEVER
A lot of people will obfuscate, stall, drag their feet,.. and be less than honest with the other as to what they really want.
THIS is why I think their needs to be a cut off point, when two people have been in a relationship a few years and one feels that they're being deliberately stalled..
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 133 (view)
 
Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:05:27 AM
JC Boston..
So,.. how long does this take? I suppose you'd never abuse that trust and just make her wait and wait and wait... never actually getting round to marriage right?
So, JC, how many YEARS does she wait? How much time tells you shes trustworthy?
No one wants to waste years,.. so, surely you must have a cut off point in time that tells you you'll never really trust her love if it doesnt happen for you in a certain amount of time?
or do you continue to live with her, till the one you 'really really' trust comes along, thereby wasting her time, and yours?
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 129 (view)
 
Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:47:32 AM
JC Boston,..Pfft! and what makes you think she'll wait around till master decides to make up his really really indecisive and flaky mind?
So, in marriage its all up to the guy to decide the when?
Sod that for a lark,.. a lot of women dont play little Miss Docile anymore.
Maybe when he really really decides to get his butt into gear she'll be ready to walk out the door,... ever think of that hmm?

To david piano,.. if thats how you view the symbol of commitment, then sure, its worth about three bucks... to YOU
Idiots marry all the time, idiots also live together, or have casual relationships. Just because some idiots marry, it in no way shows that marriage in itself is idiotic.
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 126 (view)
 
Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:39:08 AM

I think that many men see no real attraction in marriage unless and until they do meet that woman they can't live without. Until she comes along, there is no good reason to marry, and so many to not marry. Some men may never encounter such a woman, and since there is no lack of women with whom they can have casual or temporary relationships, there is little incentive to marry just for the sake of marriage or archaic social expectations.


This illustrates the point Tuffluv and myself were trying to make.
When he really really loves you, he'll marry you.
Sure there are women men can have casual relationships with until he meets his dream girl,..but who really wants to be one of those women?
And are most men being truthful or honest with these women theyre in 'casual' relationships with?
Are they telling them that they'll be with them till the woman they really want comes along, then its bye bye to her? I think, in most cases, a lot of men would not be that honest. if they were, they may lose their 'Just for now' girl, if she knew the truth.
G.
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 124 (view)
 
Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:55:50 AM
bad monkey..
Look i could get arcky and nasty and engage in put downs with ye, but i wont,. because i actually have a real point to make here.
I, actually don't really feel marriage is nessacery,.. of course it isnt, in legal, social terms its now obsolete,.. but to SOME people, its about commitment. its not a garuntee of love,.. its the ultimate sign that someone is prepared to put themselves on the line,.. to be your 'legal 'next of kin'... to some thats meaningful.. you are creating a little family as such, even if there are no actual children in the Marriage.
Its the ultimate responsibility that two people have for each other.
Bad moinkey, everything in this life is ethereal, nothing is garunteed,.. I lost my fiance at 38 years old,.. he was the one who asked me to marry him.. we had just arranged to become engaged and pick out a ring,.. and then he died,.. so no, I never got married, and now, never will, it isnt nesacery , but for him, I would have.I didnt NEED marriage,.. but agreed, because it was my heartfelt and sincere way of showing him I'd be there for him.. his 'family' his partner, that I wouldnt leave on a whim... and believe me Bad Monkey.. this man was a very challenging man to be with , with a lot of problems... which eventually resulted in his premature death... I didnt need to promise him marriage, but for him.. it made him feel secure .
Yes, nothing is garunteed, but real love CAN exist, if the person decides that they will take the love the have, and make a promise to the other person to be there. Now for SOME marriage is the ultimate symbol of that.
I know you'll think me 'fairytale minded'..believe me, I havent lived in Fairytale land for a long time.. and no White knight will appear,.. in fact, these days, Princessess are having to mount their own trusty steeds and rescue errant Princes!!
Commitment..love.. not the same thing, but often, in tandem, produce some of the finest of what human beings are capable of.The ideals of integrity, keeping your word, and legally and symbolically showing that you're there, for good/bad/better/worse/richer/poorer. in sickness, and in health still have meaning for some, yes, even in this me me me instant , self gratification society.
Some of these Unicorns really do exist.
With marriage, there is always a get out clause in terms of Divorce,.. so its not like a life time unbreakable vow,.. but for some the legal and symbolical aspects of marriage really make them feel that the other person must love them a whole lot, and are perpared to stick by them, just because theyre willing to take that marriage step.
Symbolically, i find marriage to be a good way of showing you mean business.
G. x
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 121 (view)
 
Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:09:29 AM
oh I dont know thouh ^^^^^ I think Tuffluv has it reasonably correct.
There is nothing in her posts that screams FAILURE to me.
In fact, my experiences, I'm nearly 40, not 25, does that qualify me a little more tospeak.. Oh arrogant one?
yep, in MY experiences and what i have witnessed around me, men will live with a woman quite happilly without ever loving her, as a supply of sex, money, labour.. until the one he really wants comes along... then.. he asks her to marry him!!
Seen this many times badMonkey... many times.
Men just want what they want,.. but if she's really really hot, he'll stretch to a ring and a slice of his Kingdom.
In the meantime he is happy enough with Miss Right Now.. who sadly will be out on her arse when Miss Hotstuff sways into view.
Tuffluv has YOU pegged.. you have slid into thinking of women as nothing more than a place to stick your little willy.
Theres more to women than that, but someone like you just isnt interested in knowing.
G. x

Funny how a few guys have labelled Tuffluv as 'shrill' and 'angry'
Oh why? Just because she's not falling for your crap?
yeah ok, i've also seen a lot of that behaviour from men too.
'Quality guys' they are NOT.
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:45:22 PM

Why would I want to marry the village virgin when "village who8re" is giving it for free???

Wow your village has two who*res? You and who else?
G.x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 67 (view)
 
Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:11:09 PM
Agreeing with tuff luv again.
yarimela wrote

<div class="quote">"Milk is free, no need for unnecessary investments" ......

If women stayed as virgins, and had sex only after marriage... guess what we'd all be married now...

Why do you think we let women roam free. Helped them with their "feminist agenda" .... men are smart... lmao

hey Yarimela,.. psssst!! You wanna meet my seeeester?
She good girl, dont know any man yet, she sweet girl, she young girl, very nice, very quiet.
Are you good boy form good family? you have money? You have livestock?
Come, come with me to the matchmaker in the village, an she will make a meet with my seeester.



Jeezo, Yarimela, the neolithic argriculrural age called, apparently they're missing the village idiot, they told you to get yer ass back there. Apparently they have some virgins to marry off.
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 119 (view)
 
Sex versus love
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:52:03 PM

What if having sex IS the ONLY way that men achieved emotional connection?


And.. what if sex is the only way I acheive an emotional attachment?
Now who has priority?
lol, we could go round in circles here, AA, :).. but I still think youre bending over backwards to accomodate men.
I dont believe that women are 'conditioned' to feel emotionally attached through sex, .. thats something you either feel, or you dont.. in fact bonding through sex is an evoluntionary tool for survival of species as im sure you know.
It seems youre asking women to overcome their evolution, but letting men off the hook with their hard wiring. Not very fair, methinks.
As for morality,.. i'm practical, rather than severely moralistic.
if i know myself enough to know that i become attached in that way... then it doesnt make much sense for me to put myself in the position where i will feel emotionally hurt.
Growth and change are all very well, but not at the expense of your own emotional wellbeing, iIwould have thought that self destructive.
Who exactly would benefit from me turning myself inside out in this way? me?
hardly.. as I would be enabling the very sort of driftwood, casual connections that I do not want.
It doesnt make sense to me to me.

Meh, maybe scratching a sexual itch of the moment just isnt that important to me.
It must'nt be,.. or I would be seeking it out, I suppose.
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:37:49 PM
hello Tiger
You said this..

", I have a married buddy that cohabitates with his wife and is NEVER home, not because his job requires travel, simply because he does not WANT to be there. He hangs out each night with his buddies, goes out clubbing, random boys road trips to party it up with ladies, and yet his wife still sits at home and waits for him. Sure she argues with him now and again, but this has gone on for YEARS and she's still waiting it out... Some people just like punishment, married or otherwise.


While i do understand what you're alluding to,.. this example is more about a woman who is a doormat, married or not, she will still be a doormat for that man,.. he has broken his 'commitments' yes,..but thats only because she's allowing him to get away with reneging on the 'bargain' or 'contract' they made.
if she decides to call in her chips,.. he will find his broken commitment will have to be paid for.
Like i said,.. a real commitment is abot putting your moiney where your mouth is.
We would'nt expect to sign a work contract and be able to welch out of it at any point we liked with repercussions... why do we expect to be able to do the same in relationships?
if you love that person, you build a life together, home together, have each other, and share... then yes,.. you should be entitled to recompense f the other party welch's on that agreement.
Money where yer mouth is.. you love me? prove it.
harsh, but wise.
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 115 (view)
 
Sex versus love
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:16:48 PM

If they stopped equating love to sex and sex to love I doubt men would feel the need to decieve them...


Whilst i understand what you're saying,... why is it the women who feel the need to feel an emotional bond to have sex who suddenly have to change millenia of evolution to accomodate the guys?
i could just as easilly say,..'If men would just learn to have an emotional bond from having sex, maybe women would'nt have to nag them about commitment'
see? Works both ways.
You asking people to change something that is fundamental to themselves.
Thats like asking an introvert to become extrovert, just to make it easier for all extroverts to 'get' them
Do you really think its that simple for any person, man or woman to rip out of themselves a totally integral part of who they are to appease others who may not have their inner wiring?
Lets say im one of those people who do feel attached emotionally because of sleeping with someone.. how exactly do you propose that i suddenly learn not to give a sh*t if i never see him again the day after he's slept with me?
Conversely, how would you get a man who has sexwithout emotional connection to suddenly start giving a damn?
Hmm?
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:28:07 AM
I've seen it where a women cohabitates with a guy, thinking its going to lead to marriage... then all of a sudden he wants out... his whole spiel about being ok without a 'ceremony' is B.S. when within a year he gets married to another women. LADIES... DO NOT...I REPEAT... DO NOT COHABITATE WITH A GUY WITHOUT A RING ON YA FINGER! One of my friends is going through this, every year for 8 years she has been with this guy they go on a 'break' because he wants to date other people. He knows she will be waiting there for him. The thing is...is the the whole package! Attractive, intelligent, kind, modest... but they are totally not right for each other if he can't see that and stake a claim on that permanently.

If a guy doesn't want to be married to you he is merely 'content'... not in love with you. Sure, 'content' feels nice... but its not the same as LOVE. People don't understand this. You are like his favorite hat... not the love of his life. I'd actually rather be single for the rest of my life then be in this situation. Honestly. Because being single you are actually with someone who LOVES you... you. Some guys are just emotional dead from the conditioning they receive as boys or whatever... Yarimelma might be a nice guy but when I see him or guys like him... I see emotionally dead. Incapable of love. Totally self-centered.


This^^^^^^
This I completely agree with, its sooo freakin true its not even funny.
I have known of men , and know one right now, who is living with a woman that he see's as not much more than a way to help with his mortgage payment, and a housekeeper/cook/extra income. Sure he thinks shes okay... but he is no where near in love with her,.. and his intention will not be to keep her around forever, as he already knows that she has some behaviours that he says he wont put up with forever. This woman is totally oblivious.. she thinks she has her 'commitment' her 'prize. Little does she realise that when who he really wants comes along, she will be out on her ass.
Despicable behaviour, but not uncommon in a lot of men who feel that 'living together' can bring benefits, but has a built in escape hatch.
I've also seem men who have refused to marry the woman they live with, but have convinced the woman they are commited, just because they live together,... up and leave when the woman they really wanted has come into their lives. And the kicker is,.. they marry that woman ASAP.. lol, yup, and theyre happy to do it, they then become the ones who feel the need to 'lock down' their prixe woman by marriage.
So, a word of caution ladies, if you're not good enough to marry,.. he see's you as not good enough ..period.
JMHO
OT... men, like any human being,.. will gtake the path of least resistance.. why would they marry when they can get what they want without having to actually sign a dotted line? Any commitment that is not a binding or legal one.. is a psuedo commitment... its a 'pretend' commitment, because the definition of a commitment is that you are putting something of yours on the line to promise to adhere to an agreement youre making. Like a contract. If you just 'say' youre committed, but dont actually do anything to really make a real commitment, (like marriage).. then to me, you're all talk, and no action.
perfect example of this pretend commitment is Yarimela's quote about 'being committed until the day I'm not'
Thats not a commitment,... thats BS
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 97 (view)
 
Sex versus love
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:35:34 AM
Splendere,
I can only reiterate again,.. you're basically calling me a liar, which you have no real reason to do,.. just because you refuse to beleive that anyone doesnt do as you do, or that anyone might live their lives in a different way than you think all people live their lives. I cannot/do not want to try and convince you of my truth, as I feel I have nothing to prove to you. if you will insist on your illogical extrapolations, against all reason, then I am done with you.
I do not engage in dialogue with people who accuse me of lying for no good reason other than their own inability to see past their own bigoted and narrow minded views,
OT..I will maintain, as I have done from my first postings on this thread, that whichever way people choose to have sex, with, love, or lust, or as a recreation, etc etc, s totally up to them. I have no judgements or opinions to offer on that. I have stated my way approaching this subject. I reserve the right to be more conservative in my own love life, whilst not putting my opinions or judgements down peoples throats.
G.x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Sex versus love
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:34:43 PM
Splendere.
Yourself and Only This seem to share the same unfortunate habit of disbelieving anyone who doesnt fit into your personal ways.
My posts are consistant. Nowhere in any of my posts have I judged anyone for whatever type of sexual activity they wish to indulge in.
Only This came into this thread and called 1 man specifically a liar, then implied that all men who said they didnt want sex without love were liars too.
Now, who's being judgemental, dismissive and vitriolic?
I shall ignore your attempt at a rally,, my tennis allusion seemed to hit the mark. Job done.
And again, there you go with unfounded speculation posing as righteous intuition again.
You say you dont belieive I never had sex without love?
If I told you I had 1 LTR of 3 years duration, and yes, it was love, he'd asked me to marry him in the future, I had agreed, and it only ended with his premature death at 38.
One more man since then, I loved him, unfortunately he decided he didnt feel the same way.
Not bad going for a woman of 40. 1 true love, and one that got away.
I have nothing to be bitter about, however, ust because you or Only this cant imagine people like me exist, theres no need to imply that I or any other poster on here is lying about their preferences.
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Marriage and Dating
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:47:24 PM
Hi razzi,
Ok, you're three months in,.. and have a time frame of about two years in which you'd like to solidify things. i think its a reasonable goal.
At 3 months, no matter what some men will say,.. a lot of guys will know if their interest in you is sky high. he should be all over you, he should be talkig about you as something he see's in his future. The next two years would be time enough to change either of your minds if it didnt feel right,... but the fact that he's already stalling, in a theoretical way, sort of tells me he doesnt see you in his future.
he may not particularly want to be married to you, or he may not want to be married at all, or he may not want to be married for a long time.
Either way, his goals are not compatible with yours.
A word of caution razzi,.. a lot of men will happilly p*ss a good number of years of your time away, by being with you, either dating, or living with a woman they never have any intention of marrying,.. because a lot of men are willing to settle for a woman .. any woman in hand,.. rather than search for the one.
In a lot of cases you become Miss Right Now, and a steady supply of sex.. and thats all.
Think very carefully before wasting years in a dead end relationship with a man who's already told you that he doesnt see marriage with you on your time line.
best of luck, G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Sex versus love
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:05:43 PM
To Splendere,
You took my words and quoted them out of context. i asked Only this how HE would feel about this happening to his daughter, which only he can answer, if he chose to, and he chose not to, which is telling.
You are speculating on what his daughter may feel,... no one can know that, therefore your misquote of my words, and your subsequent speculation, are irrelevant.
I have no problems with anyone having sex for whatever reason they wish to. My problem with Only This, was his insistence upon calling two other men on this thread liars, because they didnt agree with his stance on this subject.
I think anyone should be able to have sex with anyone they like, even if they lust after slightly effeminate looking tennis coaches, who seem to need to prove their manliness to make up for their rather feminine facial features, and a proffession which screams ' Lothario of a proffessional kind'
Ahem... yes, it takes allsorts, Im sure you'll agree Splendere..
G.
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 111 (view)
 
What is sexy about FAT???
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:21:00 PM
Magical Mary.. Do you think there might be a recognition in you or at least a suspicion, that theres a disconnect bewteen how fat looks and how fat feels?
I suspect we have all been influenced to not look at fat as aethetically pleasing, and yet, judging by responses on your thread, to a lot of people, it 'feels' really good.
A sort of cognitive dissonance in how we feel and view ourselves or others who happen to have a lot of fat on them seems to be happening here.
I like the feel of fat, but I also like how it looks. To me, it is attractive. No, its not a fetish for me, as I am lucky enough to be attracted to a very wide range of body types, from thin to fat to tall to short etc etc... so its not a 'must'.. but to me, someone overweight, even very overweight can be beautiful and sexually attractive.
Of course there will be doubts about what someone 'wants you for,.. maybe thin women fear secretly that men only want them because they seem physically easier to control, or to be thrown around in the bedroom, (another type of fetish?)
or we may wonder if someone wants us for other superficial reasons,.. this is not exclusive to fat, but to any physical characterristic we may have.
To me, the answer is simple.. speaking for my self,.. yes i can find actual fat sexually and aesthetically attractive.
It has no 'bad' connotations for me. G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Sex versus love
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:38:16 AM

Oh I accept that women feel differently about sex. I learned you had to mind fk em first in about the 8th grade


I was right about you Only This, a few posts up.
Dude, you're creepy.
Obnoxious, rude and very creepy.
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Sex versus love
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:26:53 AM
Only This..
No one has said sex without emotion for men isnt possible, of course it is, and its probably the norm,.. it is YOU who is refusing to accept that women and yes, some men, feel differently than you do. To accuse a man of lying, because he differs from your take on things is ludicrous.
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Sex versus love
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:17:00 AM
I can't make decisions about sex for my daughter but what I can do is arm her with the knowledge of how REAL MEN think about women and sex.


So by this am I to take it, Only This, that you feel that men who have emotionless, recreational objectifying sex are the only REAL MEN?
Jeez, are you gonna screw your daughters head up big time.
I feel sorry for her, if this is what her dad is going to tell her is the normal behaviour of a 'real man'. I'm cringeing at your descriptions of women as 'hotties' at your age, grow the f*** up man, you are seriously creeping me out with your obvious contempt for women. I worry how you're going to taint your daughters mind.

Maybe its true for you, maybe its true for a lot of men, but for those who do engage more than their di*ks whilst having sex, it doesnt make them 'fake men.

Edit, I agree baked Sushi, it doest have to be kove, but it does have to be at least 'Like' with a big L, with a healthy dose of actually caring somewhat for the other person.
A lot of women and men see sex as something more than a handshake.
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Sex versus love
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:24:01 AM
Only This..
i see you have a beautiful young daughter,.. how ytou must look forward to the day when some guy is banging your daughter for recreational sex.
Without loving caring or respecting her.
Yep, karma is a **** old man, think on this before you try to put some other man down, are'nt you a little old for high school 'boys' type peer pressure?
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Sex versus love
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:07:48 AM
Well it must be obvious and will become moreso, if this thread survives OP, that not everyone see's sex as some sort of functional recreational activity.
Some people do have sex as an expression of love, or caring about that person, as well as the more obvious reasons.
Just thought that needed pointing out.
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 100 (view)
 
What is sexy about FAT???
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:59:48 AM
Great thread Mary!:)
Well, whatever is sexy about fat has been around since at least neolithic times and before, those carved neolithic Venus 's, with their huge breasts , thighs and stomaches, were to those neolithic agricultural socities, the epitome of sexual power and a symbol of fertility.
So, theres, a historical/evolutionary component to it.
the feel of fat is good. feels great to touch, squidgy. and warm, and soft and coforting.
It reminds some of loving mothers, and other female family memebers, it has a nrturing protective feel, in both men and women.
Nothing better than being enveloped in a soft but firm protective bear hug from either sex.
I have a big Mam, mammy cuddles when i was young were the best. I wouldnt have wnted cuddles from a skinny Mam, big Mammy cuddles were waaay better. Noe shes older, shes lost some weight, my arms go all the way around her now, and now its my turn to envelope her in my big cuddles, and let her feel protected in my 'curvy' cuddles. :)
In the words of asian band Corner Shop.. 'Everyone needs a bosom for a pillow.
I imagine for some, its a fetish, for others, its a preference triggered by females around them growing up, for yet others, it could be some sort of subconscious way of 'picking' someone who will have them, to mask their own insecurities. Some men think they cant do any better than a 'fat chick'.. therefore insulting the woman, and cheating themselves out of what they really want .
All sorts of reasons, but, the main one I think, is that fat feels good to touch.
I even sometimes touch my own fat, not in a sexual way, but I just pat my tummy and stuff, absentmindedly at times, and i just feel comforted by it.
Maybe deep down somewhere, its a subconscious thought of..'Ahh, im not going to starve in a famine, look at this lovely store of extra fat I got to keep me going,lol'
So, its comforting, feels good, has pleasant associations for some, and has been the symbol of fertility and sexuality for millenia. That sort of primal attraction is'nt going to be stamped out of men's psyches in a few years of this century,.. its primal, and maybe its went underground for the most part right now, but it will always be lurking in the recessess of our brains.
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 223 (view)
 
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:22:04 PM
In this life there are risk takers and cautious people,.. there are 'thinkers' and do 'ers'
Im coming up 40, never married, no kids, dont want kids.. but would like to be married .
Like other non risk taking thinkers, I protected myself against any 'mistakes',.. i thought it all out, knew what i wanted, and would'nt /wont settle for less than that. I take full responsibility for my single status,.. and I'm comfortable with the choices I made. if anyone thinks theres something wrong with that, then they are likely to be a risk taker, a 'do'er'... and our mind sets wouldnt have been compatible anyway.
Am I difficult? Awkward? picky? Yup, all three, and more. Im not ideal marriage material, as I'm far too headstrong, not docile, not stupid and dont put up with BS,.. for most men, this makes me a liability. Not someone they';d desire being married to. Unmarrieds usually are set in their ways, arent pliable, or moudable, and hae thought ahead. No one wants to be saddled with such a 'problem.
Thats ok.
I'll keep looking for the person compatible for me,.. but rest assured, it wont be some bloke who's now 50 or 60 years old, and panicking because all the time he thought he had has run out, and all the women he rejected for a LTR in his past, have disappeared, leaving him to play catch up.
I'm wise to that one.
G. x
 Goodewitch
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 78 (view)
 
Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:03:07 PM
I find the whole premise of the man in the GQ article to be some how depressing, empty feeling.
I suspect he carefully folds his perfect designer pants up and hangs up his expensive jacket like some retentive jobs worth before carefully sliding into his fine cotton sheets with some air head student, who thinks that a night in some older dudes nice home , drinking a few glasses of 'nice' wine is the epitome of style, lol.
How pretentious, how empty, how cold, how despairing.
But if thats what this age range of guys are looking for, if this is indeed the sweet spot, then good luck to them. let them get on with it, i say.
Soon, they will be fifty, and panicking like hell, because they dont want to be alone either,.. and thats when they come across women in that age range who have been burned by sweet spot dudes earlier in life and are now at the 'we dont give a ****' place.
Swings and roundabouts OP.
Your OP asks,.. is it true that this sweet spot exists? undoubtably for some it does, but in the real world, I'd say,.. not so much.
In real life, a bloke trying to sleep with 20 somethings and 40 somethings and any thing else somethings when he's 35 to 44, is gonna be either creepy, or a joke to a lot of women. Real life isnt GQ, Im afraid, as desperate Housewives and SITC is'nt real life either.
I do however, tend to stay away from men my own age, as they do, for some inexplicable reason, feel that their freedom is all important, and the God given right to muck about as many women as possible is somehow a perogative and is compelling for them at this age. I give them a wide berth.. I shall wait around patiently, until they reach the 'panicking' stage... then take great pleasure in telling them to **** off. Bitter? Moi? Mais oui, certainment... pretentious enough for ya OP?
G. x
 
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