What are you Texas ladies looking for in Texas Guys? chat & forums.

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ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

What are you Texas ladies looking for in Texas Guys? Posted: 2/19/2010 12:59:06 PM
So true SouthrnMom and that is the one problem several of my lady friends have been having. The guys that they are attracted to lately have physically are either players and/or commitment phoebes. The beta male types as expected are not into at all whatsoever. Very hard for women to find men who have the best of the alpha male and the best of the beta male type attributes/traits. Men we have to strive for a combination of both to the be the best for women in my opinion. I know I have a long ways to go myself to become more alpha, which is interesting since I was in the Marine Corps before two enlistments, played football before, competed in power lifting, and host of other alpha male type sports behaviors. Dr. P aul Dobransky has a term for this kind of guy: It's called the Omega Male, which is a man who has the best (not the worst) traits of the alpha (i.e. man who is naturally great with the ladies) and best of the beta (i.e. dependable "nice" non-clingy) guy.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

What are you Texas ladies looking for in Texas Guys? Posted: 2/17/2010 7:17:15 PM
Perfect guy for many women I would say would be the reformed bad boy who still has all of the masculine traits that women desire, but has some of the beta male traits as well such as dependability, stability, non-cheater, non-criminal, and all of that jazz.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

What are you Texas ladies looking for in Texas Guys? Posted: 2/17/2010 7:14:37 PM
This one is easy and I am not a woman obviously. Most not all ladies of course want men who are confident, funny, non-clingy, non-obsessive/non-control freak, mature, FUN and not boring, MASCULINE (i.e. not nerdy unless the girl is into nerdy guys), a guy who is charming, romantic, a porn star in bed, likes to travel (i.e. gets out of his house unless the girl likes introverts of course), GOOD LOOKING (this one is very important), a guy who can create passion, CHEMISTRY, a guy who knows how to play the dating game (i.e. a guy not like the Jason Biggs character Jim from the first American Pie movie) and host of other desirable traits that women look for in men. Basically the list could get really long here. :-) Anyone who appears more mysterious, challenging, exotic, all the better. Basically the anti-thesis of the 1950's "nice guy". Are they looking for guys who are are wealthy and/or successful? I don't think so at all whatsoever. I have known women pay for guys if the guy pushes her right attraction buttons and she is attracted to him of all ages.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Why do I Always Fall In Love WIth My Best Friends Girl? Posted: 1/18/2010 4:22:30 PM
Like others have said, you are falling prey to the want what we can't syndrome. This means, that as humans it is perfectly natural to want what we can't have. I forgot all of the psychological terms beyond it and the research. It's the challenge thing! If we know someone is with someone is it's a challenge right? As humans at times we don't like things that are easy to us. Funny thing is when you do get what you can't have the value of it decreases. Example: Look how HOT Tiger Woods wife is? Now you know when he first saw her he was like, "Oh my gosh she is so FREAKING HOT!" I can't wait to have her!!!!! Well, fast forward to now and look how many women he has had since her while being with her? See my point? So yeah, like the others have stated there are plenty of other women around so don't be waiting in the wings for your buddies girl. First and foremost it will be healthy for your self-esteem to NOT get with her. Because you will be living by a strict moral code that says that you don't get with anyone who is already taken even if they are having problems in their current relationship. However, there are some different cases like when you have some who has been separated for a long time and the ex is refusing to give them a divorce.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

I'm too old to have a baby Posted: 11/28/2009 6:08:35 AM
I agree with Fishnet and Chitownguy40. I think these guys were just using EXCUSES to not continue to date you. Obviously Fishnet read the classic book "He is just not into you" and she is right. They probably were initially were interested in you, but then for whatever reason became not interested in you. Trust me these things happen all the time in the dating game. One party is initially into the other then they lose interest while the other party may or may not have interest in them. While it is TRUE as women get older their risk for having children with complications increases (think Sara Palin having Trig at the age of 44) the risk is still rare.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

New to 30 Posted: 11/28/2009 5:49:58 AM
I can't really say as it depends on where you are at in the dating game. Meaning if you are great at attracting women in general you will be successful with women in your 30's. If you are not then you may not be. Your metabolism might change at some point in your 30's and the looks start to fade a bit once a person get's into their 30's. Not always though of course, some men look better in their 30's than what they did in their 20's. If your looks do start to go down south (as mine has and did) you will have to focus even more on getting better looking and maintaining physical appearance in general. Depending on the geographic area you live in, you may also discover that dating has become more difficult because the increased amount of single men that women have available for them to choose from. Then again you may find it even easier. Really all and all the game does not change much if at all once you get into your 30's. The biggest change maybe looks changing (meaning you have to work harder) and possible increased competition from men who might have been players in their 20's, but decided they want to finally settle down in their 30's and are looking for something long-term in comparison to something short-term. Especially with online dating you may discover the amount/number of men you are competing with has grown quite a bit. Then again maybe not as it all varies. :-) Women you will find are all about the same when it comes to the attraction/dating game. Most women still want men who are confident, funny, masculine, somewhat of a challenge, at least somewhat mysterious, higher archetype status and a host of other traits. If your great at the game (i.e. think Ashton Kutcher from the movie Spread) you should have no problem getting with most women and if your not (i.e. think Jason Biggs from the first American Pie movie walking up to Nadia the first time at the party) then you will have difficulty. However, you will discover that many women are now divorced with children and have more exes as do some men as well of course. So if you date women now you may find that you have to take into consideration that you could be a stepfather.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

Why the men you want are not calling.... Posted: 11/20/2009 10:17:17 PM
Forgot to add: Three books I recommend for all women are: 1. He is Just not that in to you (while not 100% factual it gives you an interesting take on the game in general or at least make for an entertaining read) This book has a really great piece on the telephone and the role that is plays in the dating game and how some men use it to their advantage 2. Secret Psychology of Love by Dr. Paul Dobransky (has some of the most fascinating knowledge on how love works, attraction, and host of other topics and is well researched) 3. How to Spot a Dangerous Man by Sandra Brown M.A. (great book for relationship harm prevention for girls you may know who have a repeated pattern of getting into unhealthy relationships though the book is a bit too negative for my tastes) Dr. Paul Dobransky also gives seminars for women in Chicago.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

Why the men you want are not calling.... Posted: 11/20/2009 10:11:09 PM
To the OP: Your post makes me think of several points. 1. Dating really is a GAME. Since dating and relationships for that matter is a game by playing the game regardless of what gender one is you will have more success with it. That being said in your situation I think you are correct. By making yourself more of a unpredictable challenge you are naturally going to increase a guys attraction for you. Because you are displaying a higher archetype status (from Psychology) and it is human nature to always want what we can't have or at least work for it. I do find it interesting that a attractive women like yourself is having to play the game. That tells me that Canada once again probably has many more attractive women than the US has potentially. Point #2: If you ever study/research dating in general you will find that there is a power struggle that goes on between the sexes. For example, have you ever heard the expression, "She wears the pants in the relationship" Well in relationships like those the woman obviously has the majority of the power. Equalarian relationships rarely exist. Even if a relationship seems like it's equalarian there will usually be one gender or the other who has the most power. It sounds like you are learning this at the young age of 25 so good for you! :-) Point #3: You are implementing strategies and knowledge from what the most successful men with women do such as creating challenge and mystery, teasing, and using those tools to your advantage. Some might argue that is manipulation, when in reality it is part of the game. I personally don't think you are wrong in doing this. Though once again I find it interesting learning that some women do that as well. Myself I just know all about game. I never play it myself though I probably should at some point in my life if I ever want to not remain single on the North American continent. :-)

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 62 (view)

People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them? Posted: 11/20/2009 9:29:28 PM
JHparkes: There could be SEVERAL reasons they someone who is 30 is not yet taken yet. Especially for men the guy could be a commitment phoebe, be a player, be gay and not really know it, is too picky about women in general, be a stalker, be overly clingy, is looking for the "perfect" match that may not exist, he may totally SUCK at attracting women by being boring or something, and host of other variables. Then again he could be NONE of those and is just taking a break by being single. Maybe he just got out of a bad relationship and wants to take a break from dating all together? Maybe he does not want to date period and wants to take time working on himself as well. So to answer your questions the lady at your work is wrong, while YES there is some truth to what she says, but there could be several different HEALTHY and NORMAL reasons why the guy is single and there may not be anything WRONG with the guy. Your co-workers statement was probably based on some of her negative past experiences or knowing some of her lady friends who had bad experiences with guys who appeared to be great catches and really were not.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 604 (view)

over 30 and still living at home Posted: 11/20/2009 9:11:47 PM
I tell this topic has gotten some great discussion here on the forums. I agree with those who saw the living with the folks thing is a Western society or North American cultural norm. However, I feel it can be unhealthy if the child living with their parents are not contributing at all to the household. I think one needs to at least get their own apartment or join the military and get out and see how they enjoy living without their folks around. Who knows they might like it better right? If someone is 40 and they have never lived away from their parents. I wonder to myself why? Then again it's a cultural norm. I have known several people who live away from their parents, but yet their parents are only 30 minutes from them. Is that really living away from their parents? Granted, they don't live in the same household as them, but why is that more of an accepted norm for those of us in North America? I use to think it was funny/interesting when girls would complain that I lived with my folks years ago, but yet they lived within five minutes of their folks. Also, I thought it was funny when they did not take into consideration that I had lived overseas in Japan and in California for several years when I was military. Funniest thing I ever had happen was this one girl had a real problem that I was currently living with my folks even though she was doing the same thing. Though I was 28 at the time and she was 19. I was like, "But I have lived on my own before in the military and had my own apartment afterwords for a few years". I should have told her and I drive a $40K car and you drive a $10K car right? But I probably would have come off as a total pric saying that. I think it's perfectly healthy for one to live with their parents as long as they are actively contributing to the household, they are trying to find work, they are making plans to eventually move out once money circumstances all them to do so, and/or they are going to college or some trade school. I do not like kids leeching off of their parents. Advantages of living of away from the folks is that it is easier to make more friends, not ever have to worry about living under the rules of their parents, and they can have more privacy as well living on their own, and most importantly enjoy FREEDOM and satisfaction of nothing that you can make it on your own without any POTENTIAL unhealthy co-dependency from living with the folks long term. Advantages of living with their parents is that they can develop closer relationships with them by spending quality time with them, SAVE MONEY, and help care for their folks when needed. This is all my opinion though nothing factual. This is interesting reading all of the different opinions on this.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Confidence - the double edged sword Posted: 10/29/2009 5:38:40 AM
I agree with Davis what he is saying about confidence. Really great points and nicely written! :-) However, I completely disagree with him about dating NOT being a game. I can prove it's a game somewhat. If anyone has ever watched the Ground Hog Day movie with Bill Murray he is stuck living in the same day over and over again right. Well Bill has the hots for his fellow news reporter and he keeps learning more valuable information about her to go further and further and the same with several other women in the town. He learns what they like, what best to say to them, what makes them laugh the most, how they prefer their men in general, and several other factors. While I hate to use a movie as an example it really is true. I promise you if you were to take any guy and they totally BLEW a date by being too nervous, acting awkward, being boring, putting themselves into friend zone too quickly, being un-confident, and host of other factors; if there was such a thing as a time machine you could take the exact same guy send him to a dating boot camp for men, and/or have him hang around men who are great with women teaching him the ropes, improve his looks, and host of other factors and use the time machine to date the exact same girl again. At the very least the guy should do and would do better quite possibly attracting the girl. There are so many factors involved on a date and all it takes it just one thing to improve a guys chances at successfully attracting the women and not blowing the date. It has been proven time and time again the more men can get women to laugh the more comfort and rapport they can develop with them thus making it easier to break down their barriers thus increasing the chances for a repeat date. I wish dating were not a game, but it is. Then again, forgive me Dave if I read your post wrong. LT makes some wonderful points about reading the body language of women. Body language will always tell a guy everything that you need to know along with a woman's tone of voice, what she is saying, and other factors as well. For the OP: Ultimately being nervous when asking women out or approaching them is based upon fear of rejection. I think once you turn around the fear of rejection into something positive you will be good to go. For instance, if you view rejection as opportunities for self-improvement instead of something negative you will be fine. So instead of thinking gosh if this woman rejects me does that mean I am not good enough for her? Think OK well if she rejects me it's her loss because I know I am a great guy and all that means is that I need to further improve. In essence you look at failure as a opportunity to further improve instead of something bad. I know easier said than done right? Good Luck!

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Flakey & inconsistent behavior. Localized or more common than I realize? Posted: 10/14/2009 3:21:02 PM
Cordial Rule I forgot to add: If you EVER have any doubt how someone looks ask to see them on a webcam BEFORE you meet them. While webcams aren't accurate either you can at least see if they are the same person from their photos and see how accurate or inaccurate the photos are potentially. IF they have a super problem with getting a webcam that will tell you tons as well. FYI: They can get a webcam for $20......

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Flakey & inconsistent behavior. Localized or more common than I realize? Posted: 10/14/2009 1:30:15 PM
LTL73 makes a lot of great points here! From the first paragraph, "People can be anything they want to be online. They can be online, what they wish they were in real life. Most people that date online, do so because they either have busy lives or all else has failed to bring them what they truly want in life. A small percentage of online daters are actually legit. Most men on online dating sites are looking for the quick hook up which screws it up for those of us with real, meaningful intentions. Being that the typical woman that is online has been scarred by online encounters and real life encounters, they are guarded and protect themselves and often have their minds made up before they even try to take the next step. They prepare for failure. If you prepare for it, you will inevitably get it." and the last one he talks about the need for people to be truthful online and how that could benefit not only online dating, but everyone. I will add to what he is saying here that a lot of women online have ran into married men, men who had girlfriends, men who are players, men who are criminals, men who are stalkers, the guy who thinks he is a nice guy but really is a stalker and/or super clingy, and host of other undesirables. The fact is though if the woman does not know the man is in one of these undesirable categories she will select the guy based on his looks, confidence/masculinity, humor, and a host of other factors of course. Naturally, the women have no way of knowing if the guys are that way or not. Would be nice if Markus the owner of POF could afford a private detective to investigate all the guys and some of the girls for that matter here on POF right? lol That way everyone would know that at least the person is not a criminal, player, married, taken, or whatever. To the OP: I have been meeting people from the internet since 1997 (off and on) and let me tell one thing that you eventually learn is to LOWER expectations. Which means, if the person is the same exact person in the photos they have posted online then you are doing OK. At least they did not use photos of another person right? Both men and women can build up such HIGH expectations when meeting people from online that it can actually ruin their encounter. A lot of these high expectations can come from Perfectionism in general. DO NOT let perfectionism cloud judgment and raise your expectations to extremely high levels. True it is not healthy to have super low expectations either, but you got to find a realistic medium ground between the two before you meet them. IF you go into the mindset that you are "just meeting a new friend" it will save a lot of heart ache and headaches for that matter. Because it really does not matter what a friend looks like right or who they are cause you are still their friend right? If you keep the meeting a friend mentality you will be more relaxed as well and so should she. However, I understand that this is often easier said than done of course. If it get's too bad you might try lock and key events, justforlunch, the Ukraine, or several other avenues. :-) good luck!

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

sorting out normal Posted: 10/12/2009 1:12:54 PM
GOOD GOSH!!!!!!!!!! It sounds like you were with a real control freak! That was crazy that you had to call him just to say that you were delayed 30 minutes! I could understand a couple of hours or three hours delay but 30 minutes come on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sounds like this guy you were with had some really serious big time insecurity issues even more so than a lot of insecure guys and hope he is now in therapy for it. I think a good cardinal rule is everything in moderation. This means yeah it's probably OK to go out with the girls once or twice per week. However, if you going out with them every single night without the guy or at least asking him if he wants to go then there may be a problem in your future relationship. Everyone is different on the space needs that they need from their partner so I can not say for sure what is accurate or not. I say do what is most comfortable with you and what you think will be considerate to your partner as well. This means that it's probably a good idea to send your mate at least one e-mail per week while you are at work if you are not going to call. Good Luck! Sounds like that guy really was trying to control your every movement out of fear that you were going to cheat on him. I got news for the guy if you were going to cheat on him then you still could have regardless of how much he tried to control your movements. I think once guys realize that anyone can cheat on them at anytime regardless that you have to learn to trust your partner more. Cause without trust you one's got nothing right?

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 100 (view)

At what age do you Just Give Up? Posted: 10/12/2009 1:03:02 PM
Hey man I know what you mean!!!!!! I am not the greatest looking dude in the world and really have to work hard to get myself to a 6 (consider myself a 4 now) on the 1-10 scale. Don't ever give up though! Keep working hard and trying. You might try overseas dating though if you can't find any ladies in North America. Lot's of women in the Ukraine will date men who are stable and who are not the most attractive guys in the world. Trust me I know this because my friend Bret is probably a 2 on the 1-10 scale and even he can get a date in the Ukraine.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 128 (view)

41 and 23??? I'm not ready for this! Posted: 10/12/2009 12:22:00 PM
I am actually surprised that younger men would like women who are so much older. While I understand the MILF thing and/or young men wanting to get with older women because they are usually (not always of course) more mature and play less games than younger women. However, I don't think the young men have thought about how older ladies can have or have had a lot more horrible experiences with men than younger girls have had. Meaning, that the older ladies have probably had more player experiences, jerk experiences, stalker experiences, abusive relationships, and divorces than younger women have in a sense which can almost ruin them to an extent.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 60 (view)

Whatever happened to morals, respect and old fashion? Posted: 10/1/2009 10:59:46 AM
Forgot to ADD: One piece of advice that I have given to ALL of my lady friends over the years regarding sex is this. DO NOT SLEEP WITH A DUDE PERIOD AT ALL WHATSOEVER IF HE IS NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND AT THE BARE MINIMUM. This ensures that women will get used LESS often by men who only care about sex and who never want to commit to you. IT's all confusing though, like I said sex is a natural thing, but it can really complicate things between both genders. You can't go wrong though living by what I typed above in ALL CAPS.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 59 (view)

Whatever happened to morals, respect and old fashion? Posted: 10/1/2009 10:55:31 AM
Well you make some really great points here! Sex in my opinion has gotten cheap over the years and almost to the point of being meaningless. In our modern era both men and women often have so much meaningless sex even in relationships. Sex should mean more that what it is and at the least it should count for something right? This is nothing like the feeling in this world when you have sex with someone over fifty different times (at least) and they don't even stay xmas card buddies with you. Pretty cheap right? I think a lot of dating and relationships are based on sex because it is cheap and since it's cheap they are no moral obligations involved to each other like you have in marriage for instance. Now we all have different views on sex, morals, and the expectations that each brings. That being said, I do think sex is a natural want that humans have that should probably be fulfilled more often. I think rates of depression and anxiety would be decreased if people were in healthy sexual relationships. For example, I once knew a guy at Gold's Gym years ago who had not had sex in FIVE YEARS! Yes five years! Myself I once went 3 and half years. Can you imagine how much more fulfilled the guy would have been if had sex at least once during that period of five years? The western society we live in has something to do with it as well. We naturally live in a society where sex is deemed illegal (i.e. paying for sex) and we live in a society where you have several organizations (i.e. churches) that preach to their members to NOT have sex. What happens when you repress something? It makes people want it that much more right? Study Austria during the Victorian Era as an example sometimes. So what's the answer? I wish I knew! I agree with you 100% that people should take more time in getting to know each other not have relationships based on sex and sex should not be so cheap either. Back to the xmas card argument here, if you sleep with someone at least ten times you should make their xmas card list right at the bare minimum? That being said I think western society should open up to sex more and not be as sexually repressed, while empathizing that sex should be something that is cherished between couples and it should be something special that is not cheap. Hopefully I am making sense......lol Good Luck! :-)

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Men in their 30s... Posted: 10/1/2009 10:31:36 AM
I think it's true that AGE truly is just a number. Really it depends on each person's maturity level and where they are (life stage) in their life. That being said when I use to date I would date women no younger than then years and no older than ten years. I have always preferred women who were three to five years older than me. However, I am an interesting case because even when I was 25 years old my mind was probably like a 55 year old since I had been in the Marine Corps and it aged my mind well beyond it's years. One great thing about dating younger women though is that they usually have less psycho exes to deal with and they are not "as ruined" as several of the older ladies are. Even that depends though on the individual girl. In the future if I do date again, I might date women who are younger though so I will have to deal with hopefully less baggage. Also as a guy when you date older women you have to compete with ALL of their past exes (which naturally they usually have more exes since they are older) and that can cause problems if the older woman has unusually high expectations, thus creating a bit of perfectionism and feelings of failure on the part of the mile for not being able to surpass the combined expectations set by previous exes. Hopefully this makes sense! LOL Good Luck!

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 78 (view)

Where to meet people that are datable over 30? Posted: 9/30/2009 5:48:00 PM
I agree with brynn05 try the lock and key events, it'sjustlunch as well might work for you. You also might try the Christian Mingle website and local meetup groups. You won't find a lot of Christian guys or church guys here on POF. If you lived in Texas I could and would introduce you to about three different guys that I know that you might would like.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 53 (view)

Dating frustration in your 30s? Posted: 9/4/2009 2:09:29 PM
Hey John, Like so many guys and girls who have already posted, I know where you are coming from! Dating can and was frustrating for me not only in my 30's, but they were in my 20's. Both men and women are having a world of problems in the dating game so you are not alone as you see. Let me teach you a few things that you may already know. You see John here online you have a lot of perfectionism. Most of the attractive women online get several e-mails per day and when they receive yours it's just another e-mail. The ladies are naturally going to select the guy whom they feel the most attracted to both looks wise and personality (personality being the most important) usually. You have to realize that because of the vast selection of men that women have online you have to really separate yourself from the rest of the pack. Several of the ladies have already gone out with dates from several guys here on POF and other websites and if they go out with you they may just see you (mainly on a sub-conscious level) as just another "nice guy" similar or just like the other guys they had met previously. What happens at this point, is that you are either placed into the let's just be friends category, I am not interested in you category and don't want to be friends, creepy guy category, or some other category all together. The bar is set so high online here (and probably a bit offline) is because you have to compete with guys who are players, married men who are naturally great at attracting women, and guys who could be funnier, more confident, and better looking. Let me tell it's hard to compete with that right? So what do you do or should a guy do? Well, you have many choices. You can work hard and continue improving your profile (lord knows my profile/photos need vast improvement if I were to date again) and market yourself (sell yourself) by learning from guys who know how to sell themselves online. A profile can never be perfect and there is always room for improvement. I know exactly what you mean about e-mailing a lot of ladies online. I use to do the same thing when I was dating and let me tell you it can become rather energy and time consuming. When you run up against a brick wall over and over again you have to either try something different, or change yourself and your tactics. In essence the problems you are experiencing are probably because you do not have a lot of experience dating like other guys who do. I think once you get more experience and continually improve your confidence, humor, looks (i.e. tan skin white teeth healthy gums immaculate hygiene contact lenses in shape body and not a beer gut), fashion sense (i.e. proper shoes and proper fitting clothes which is a BIG deal with some ladies) and overall masculinity (goes for me as well if I date in the future) your success with women will improve. I will suggest that you try reading material by David Deangelo and/or Dr. Paul Dobransky. (you can google it) There are also forums here on POF on DD for sure. Dr. Paul even runs dating boot camps for men where he takes the guys out too the clubs, bars, malls, and other places in Chicago and teaches them how to attract and socially interact with women where some won't place you into instant friend zone, creepy guy zone, or any other zone you do not want. If that route is not for you. You could try dating women in the Ukraine, Philippines, South America, or China. I personally know several guys who have dated several women overseas and who are now happily married to them. However, this is expensive and somewhat desperate to me in my mind. This may be perfect for you though and some other guys. You will find the dating game very different in a lot of places overseas because you will have more ladies to choose from and you will have no problems getting dates. Even super ugly guys can get dates in the Ukraine for real. Yes the women usually want me who are financially stable and who treat them well (i.e. not a jerk). You will find many women who are actually looking for love though as well. It is not like Western Society whatsoever. Many of the ladies will not instantly place you into the friend zone or not interested zone. Some other things you might try are speed dating, lock and key events (highly recommend this one), and meeting ladies through friends. Personally, I think both men and women should be getting more assistance from friends. I was e-mailing some guys here on POF for a lady friend of mine in Florida as an example trying to find some great men to date and make friends with. E-mail me if you need any help. Man I did the online dating thing for over ten years and no your frustrations all too well. I would be happy to help you or any other guys for that matter. I DO NOT recommend joining most expensive offline introduction services. Maybe JustForLunch would be the only one.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

38 years and counting Posted: 8/27/2009 1:25:12 PM
Hey I know what you mean about finding women at church groups!!!!! I have never seen something so ODD before in my life when you get together christian single men and women who are in their 20's and 30's who are college educated, some have been in the military, played college sports, and they say very little to each other and everyone just sits around and very little dating occurs. I think a lot of Christians are afraid to date from church groups as they do not want to alienate any church elders or they feel it's inappropriate to date from a church group or they feel that people should be only studying the bible in church groups. So what happens???? You have a lot of single christian men and women who join dating websites because some churches have not taken an active role in encouraging christian men and women to date and/or setup christian single events for adults like dances or outdoor events. I think you need to just find a girl who enjoys the activities that you enjoy doing such as weightlifting, comic books, and what not. Ever see that 40 year old Virgin movie? Remember how the guy in the movie was interested in video games, action figures, star trek stuff, and what not? Remember how many difficulties he was having with women in general? However, he found a woman who LOVED action figures and enjoyed doing many of the same things that he enjoyed doing. While movies are not real life they give us an idea of what might work in your case. Like a previous poster mentioned you need to go too places where there are woman who enjoy doing the same things that you enjoy. So go to those places and interact with as many women as possible. I suggest forget looking online here. The online dating world is slanted towards the ladies favor (i.e. lots of competition as in there are more men online than women) and you will find quite a bit of perfectionism in both online dating and dating in general. Here online you have to compete with guys who have been getting laid since they were 12 years old and they know exactly how to create sexual tension and attraction/chemistry with women instantly. You also are competing with married men, players, model looking guys, and other guys who should not be on POF. If you find yourself not being able to compete with other guys on here you have to either try something different or change and/or improve yourself where you can compete with the other dudes. If you really want to try the online thing consider going to one of the POF parities where there is not so much or ANY importance based on your profile. Online dating is effective for men who are the most appealing with women which means your profile has to be the most marketable (i.e. majority of women will want to get too know you and/or they find your profile attractive or interesting) Trust me I know what I am talking about. I did the online dating thing since 1997 off and on. Meetup might be another option for you as another poster suggested. You may also try lockandkeyevents (google it) justforlunch, and dating overseas in the Ukraine, China, or the Philippines. I am right there with you about not wanting to change your hobbies just so women will like you better. You are who you are right? However, there is nothing wrong with all men (myself included and lord knows I need improvement) improving ourselves by developing more confidence, humor, and overall masculinity. Look at anything by Dr. Paul Dobransky (google it) or David Deangelo. I recommend Dr. Paul though because his programs for men backs up everything he says academically. As far as your looks are concerned. Both of us (yes myself included) might consider getting a tan. I know a lot of women find men more attractive when they are not so pale and have somewhat of a tan going. I know a lot of women also enjoy men who wear the right shoes, clothes (properly fitting not too loose or too tight very important), smell good, have perfect white teeth and healthy gums, non beer belly, great hygiene, and more. I think that is awesome that you lift weights (use to lift heavy weights myself) and you should continue lifting because it is something that you enjoy. Besides you will have an edge over guys who do not lift. However, I must caution don't get TOO BIG as some girls may think your a roid user even though your not. Speaking from past experience. Good Luck!

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Am I becoming a sugar daddy without knowing it? Posted: 8/23/2009 12:10:28 AM
I agree with the others and especially MEPLUSTWO the lady from Australia. She really hit the nail on the head with her post. BE CAREFUL with this girl regardless if she is using you as a sugar daddy or not OK? Unless you want to be her sugar daddy and do not mind being one then it is probably ok. However, like another poster said you might be placing yourself into the friend zone. On the other hand you are just paying for dates and have not bought her expensive gifts and trips and what not either. I have a REAL problem with the girl not thanking you after the dates. Is she thanking you in person after the dates? If not she should at least thank you each time either on e-mail or via the phone. That is true maybe she is the shy quiet type on the phone. Just be careful man? OK? Usually, if we worry about being something that is our own intuition telling us that we are doing what we are worrying about, but not always of course.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

37 and still single? Why won't a woman date me? Posted: 8/22/2009 11:36:41 PM
I agree with the others that living at home and being unemployed are not helping your cause with women. Most women in the Western world expect a man by the time he is in his 30's for sure to have at least some form of job even if he has a disability and he is living at home with his folks regardless of the current economic situation. If you can't find a job you need to be actively looking for one and you aren't actively looking for a job you need to doing undergrad or graduate college courses online if you don't have a Master's degree already. If you lived in Eastern Europe or Russia living at home would not be such a big deal. As far as your disability is concerned fight the best you can and do not mention it too women unless they ASK or if you find yourself in a long-term dating relationship with one then tell her if that makes you feel more comfortable with her. Personally I think your biggest problem is this: "I'm a decent, friend, kind, trustworthy and respectful person, if someone got to know me properly vice versa, but nobody wants to know." I know where your coming from here and I still have this same problem myself. However, I will tell you that being a friend to women, being kind too women, and being decent usually does the opposite with women as far as the attraction game is concerned. Being overly nice either places you into the instant forever friend zone, creepy guy zone, and other zone that means that your never getting with the girl relationship wise. Trust me on that one, I know more than a lot of guys (i.e. speaking from past experience). Being the super nice guy does not work and had not worked since the 1950's and early 60's probably. While being nice and decent can be great with women on some levels, it does not create attraction/chemistry with most modern women whatsoever as far as the dating/romance attraction game is concerned. If you want to know more read some of my old posts under the David Deangelo forums or better yet look up a guy named Dr. Paul Dobransky. The guy runs dating boot camps for men in Chicago and is a freaking genius. I need to go too his dating boot camps myself if I ever date again. A lot of the problems that your experiencing with women not wanting to know you is because you are not creating attraction/chemistry with them whatsoever. It's OK your not along thousands of other guys have the exact same problem. Much of the problem is due to the fact that is not a modern rites of passage from boyhood into manhood for most boys in their teenage years as there was in most ancient tribal type societies. The ladies and the guys are all giving you wonderful advice here. I agree with Steve that you may consider trying dating in the Philippines or in Latin America. The cultures are less individualistic than western society, which means you might have a better chance dating foreign women. However, this will require getting a job and making enough money to date women overseas of course. Dating in Western society is and can be challenging for men especially for "nice" guys who have little or no game with women. Especially online you will run into a lot of perfectionism in the dating game as is expected because the number of men online always outnumber of ladies therefore raising the expectations and standards for each guy. Trust me, I speak from past experience. You might try another venue like church as well if your religious or not as I have not read your profile yet. You might could find a FEW girls at church who might consider dating you. The online dating world is entirely a different ballgame. I also agree with the one guy who says that he is happier being single than playing the dating game. You might try just focusing on increasing your happiness by working on yourself and enjoying life by doing the hobbies that you enjoy doing like traveling or whatever. However, I do recommend getting out as much as possible and interacting with people as much as possible which will improve social skills and could increase your baseline level of happiness. I would suspect that many women are placing you into the creepy guy zone category especially when you want to date just younger women. While it's great that your not looking for an older lady like your mom, if women find out that you want to date nothing, but younger ladies this could come off as being creepy. God Bless and Good Luck!

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Are North Americans less direct? Posted: 3/13/2009 7:35:36 PM
While I can't speak for men in Europe I can speak for myself and at least some American men probably. According too research conducted at several American colleges, men are more direct than women as whole. For example, guy calls a girl and the girl says she is busy washing her hair when in reality she really isn't. That is just her indirect communication style. A guy directly tells a girl he would like too have sex with her, but the girl freaks out because he was TOO DIRECT. Throwing research out the window, based on real world experience I think some American men are very direct with women while others are not. As far as the dating game is concerned, I think a lot of men who are successful at attracting women are VERY indirect with women (in hopes of creating mystery with them) while others are not. It all varies though with each individual person like someone said up above.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

is it ok to say you are annoyed? Posted: 3/13/2009 7:20:35 PM
I agree with the ladies here! In addition what you describe is telling me that this guy could possibly be overly selfish. While it's human nature to be selfish, his actions all seem to revolve around himself with little too (or is it to) no concern for you. That's the bottom line here to me is that the guys actions are speaking volumes about his personality.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

In Love? Posted: 2/26/2009 3:15:00 PM
Hello my fellow Texan. I agree with girldiver and some of the others that he is emotionally unavailable. Simply for the fact that you're friend thinks that he isn't over his former lover. Now he may be not having sex for religious reasons, which is common. If you're friend wants to have sex and he doesn't maybe she should get another guy or she should ask the guy if the reason he hasn't had sex with her is because of religious reasons. However, I would have to know more about this guy and the girl too make a more accurate guess. Why haven't you invited all of us here on POF to a Texans game with you yet btw? j/k :-)

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 48 (view)

Academics dating over 30 Posted: 2/18/2009 6:33:25 PM
Correction: change the word "change" in the last line to "chance" my mistake.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 47 (view)

Academics dating over 30 Posted: 2/18/2009 6:31:22 PM
Some really great posts on the thread here. I do agree that OP seemed to be judged a bit too harshly. As far as people bashing others for their lack of grammar/punctuation; what is this English 101? Maybe he gets tired of correction grammar/punctuation all day long and wants to unwind a bit by posting on POF. I also understand where the Social Scientist and the lady up above are saying as well. OP in answering the 1960's question: In my opinion, the women’s liberation movement has changed dating extensively since the early 1960's. Now women are often more educated then men are, have higher paying jobs, and are in higher positions in the workplace at times. Gone are the days of the 1950's when women married just about any nice guy who had a decent job. I once read a fantastic article on how grandpa from World War II would not be good enough for women in the modern era. You know what? The article was 100% correct in my opinion. Fast forward to today and the standards have increased substantially. Based on what I have read combined with real world dating experience over the years, women now want men who are confident, funny, fun, mysterious, challenging, masculine, and a host of other personality traits. I can prove it to you. Just read most of the ladies profiles here on POF and you will see a common theme. Does that mean that the standards have risen so far that there is Perfectionism in modern dating? Quite possibly in some cases, but in others no. Education and the amount of money a guy has truly has little to no bearing if you really learn exactly how attraction works between men and women. In my opinion OP, you need to just focus on improving yourself constantly and never ever think that no amount of PhD’s will ever help a man get a woman. I don't care if a guy has 20 PhD’s, some guy with a GED who just got out of prison usually knows more on how to increase attraction between women. Why is that? Because the guy who got out of prison is usually (not always) VERY MASCULINE. If ever study/research exactly how attraction works between men and women you will learn that women are hard wired to more naturally respond to the most masculine male in a group. Yes, I have known men fresh out of prison that is so good with highly educated women that they are living with them. Yes, that can be hard thing to swallaw for academics realizing that someone far less learned is and vastly more successful with women. I completely understand! Always remember that logic (which is what we usually learn in the academic world) does not apply to the dating game whatsoever. You would be best served to pretend like you have a GED or go back to the middle school cafeteria days when you teased women and I promise you will have more success with women. Does that sound silly? Sure you bet! But it's true! E-mail me sometimes if you ever want a document on this particular topic. There are several articles on the why and how some intelligent men can have such a horrific time in the modern dating game. Check out Dr. Paul Dobransky on the internet here sometimes or even David Deangelo. Though I recommend Dr. Paul's materials more since he has an MD. He is geared more towards the academic type men anyways. Quite frankly, the academic world should have at least Undergraduate class for men on dating and male masculinity that Dr. Paul discusses in his programs. More than just “Mass Media Influences on Love and Romance” in the field of Communication. While you will find some information in Psychology, Family Studies, Sociology, and in Communication, (i.e. Indirect Communication styles of women vs. Direct Communication styles of men) unfortunately you will have to go outside the world of academia if you truly want to learn more. The problem is that some of the research conducted and programs implemented in the market on dating/relationships are light years ahead of anything in academia. Word of advice though; be sure to actually apply any material learned. Don’t do like I did and just fill yourself up with knowledge/information (i.e. seminar junkie). Think LESS Theory and more action. I wish you the best of luck in life and in your future dating endeavors. I hope my long post here is at least some help to you if you get a change to read it.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 275 (view)

WHY DO MEN WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU, BUT NOT DATE YOU? Posted: 2/15/2009 12:55:35 PM
In answering Bigger Than Hip Hop: Two reasons why men do this: 1. They have commitment issues meaning they are afraid (have a psychological fear) of officially getting with a woman (relationship/dating wise) long-term. Now this fear could stem from something that happened in their teenage/20's years with a girl (i.e. guy got dumped and got his heart ripped to shreds) or some form of abandonment issues from his mother or even father where he is afraid of becoming abandoned by a future date/lover. OR you have the more popular choice of #2 which is simply the guy figures that well if he dates and gets rejected (i.e. doesn't get repeat dates girl doesn't call him back etc.) I will just sleep with the girl so at least I am getting SOMETHING out of her. He figures it's better than going out with ten girls and either not making a real connection with them, making a connection with one them but only to be dumped later, or getting rejected constantly and not getting repeat dates as stated earlier. It's almost equivalent to the girl never commits and just goes out with rich guys who buy her fancy dinners/gifts. Interesting thing about all of this is haven't you noticed that everyone always seems to date based on their level of archetype status? Meaning if someone is or displays higher value/status (not socio-economic) you want to date them. Have a great Sunday people of POF!

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 99 (view)

WHAT IS THIS SPARK PEOPLE ARE SEARCHING FOR? Posted: 2/4/2009 11:35:50 AM
You don't have much to worry about actually. Just be yourself and show up looking as good as you can. Just make sure he isn't doing all the work during the date. Meaning, joke around with him, ask him some questions, and talk too the guy. Meaning, don't sit there like a bump on a log while he is doing all the talking. :-) Creating the spark/chemistry is really in the guys side of the house so you don't have much to worry about. I am surprised he said that to you actually. He must not how attraction works between men and women. Good Luck! :-)

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 53 (view)

ARGHHHHH! Why are women so damn confusing. Posted: 1/31/2009 5:16:16 PM
"she was being pretty touchy feely, always cuddling up to me, sitting on my knee etc" I agree with the others! She was totally sending you signals. I will add though: She was sending you INDIRECT signals. Let me teach you something that I learned from both real life experience and from Communication (academics/research) about women. Most women are often VERY indirect. Notice, I said MOST not all of course. There are exceptions to the rule/research. Women usually have the indirect Communication style, while men usually adopt/use the direct Communication style. Meaning, that both genders confuse the crap out of each other at times and as men we have to learn what men possibly may mean by their indirect Communcation styles. Don't worry about though! Gosh most guys have screwed up at one time or another with women. Lord knows I am the king of screwing up with women over the years. But it's OK cause we can always improve and learn more right? :-) When I was 19 years old, flying in a jet next to this super HOT Texas A&M University co-ed she was grabbing my leg and arms and verbally asking me if I wanted a drink (which I declined) and what I was doing that night. Now, obviously she wanted to shag me, but I was too dumb/naive/inexperienced with women to know even better. I really screwed up and told her, "Oh I am going home tonight as my parents are picking me up at the airport and I am going to hang out with them." Guess what I just did? I missed all of her INDIRECT signals that she was sending me and along with it she placed me into instant friend zone. Was I interested in her? Sure you bet she was mega hot and at time looks was the only thing that really meant something to me about women. Fast forward four days later I go to meet her at country club here in Texas and guess what? She pawns off her really huge friend to dance with me. lol Two days after that I am in her dorm room showing her Marine Corps pictures. Guess what? She wasn't touching me whatsoever nor sending me any signals at all. Meaning, once women place you into friend zone it's very hard to get out of there, so you need your A game on straight away. I still remember her name was Racheal and that was 14 years ago. lol I can give you tons of stories like that from over the years if it helps you to learn for self-improvement. Does this paragraph I just wrote sound familiar to what you stated here "Since that little incident she has seemed a bit more distant. (ie. not so toucy with me anymore" A classic example here on POF of indirect Communication style from women: You send them an e-mail and they do not respond back. Were they too busy to read your e-mail? sure that's possible. Were they getting too many e-mails and just didn't have time to respond to yours or forgot to? sure that can and does happen. A third case is that they didn't like something about a guys profile be it his photos or written text or something he said or didn't say in his intial e-mail. "I kept thinking at this point I should have just kissed her when I said goodbye, but I bottled it. Instead I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek (DOH!)" You were afraid of her possible rejection. Your fear here caused you place her into the friend zone. Don't worry about it as it happens to a lot of "nice" guys. Good news though, this can be overcome by doing/using courage. Meaning, if you find yourself in a similar situation again with another girl or this girl in the future go for it. Take a risk/chance and just go for it. Don't be the guy who is afraid of rejection, failure, or life in general. Fear is nothing but false evidence that appears real (Bassett, 1998). Check out some programs for men by Dr. Paul Dobransky if you get a chance. Let me tell you another little secret. As men when we reject a woman's mixed signals it sends a signal to her on the sub-conscious level that we are not risk-takers and therefore not real men. Consciously they may wonder if we are gay or they may feel like they are not doing a good enough job to attract you. Specifically it tells women, "oh this is just another beta male/nerdy guy who doesn't have the balls/guts to take charge and take the lead." However, there are so women who want to take the lead themselves and those women usually wear the pants in the relationship in my opinion. My best advice: Don't over-analize (mispelled) what you should or should not do. Just have a great time and try not to focus so much on her. That being said though, if you find yourself in similar situations again go for it!!! You can do it and have complete faith in your tha t you will and can do it. I think that's awesome that you do not think she is out of your league. That is a step above a lot of guys. Hopefully, my post is of some use to you. Good luck!

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

confused Posted: 1/31/2009 12:45:37 PM
I agree with some of the other posters, just pick up the phone and call the guy. :-) The fact that your confused does tells me that the guy has great dating game possibly at the least, because otherwise you wouldn't be thinking about him.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Personality matching, is it that simple? Posted: 1/31/2009 12:39:56 PM
Hey J Mac! What's up? I wouldn't pay too much attention to personality matching. For guys I don't care what personality type we are or you are it all boils down to one thing and one thing only. Creating attraction/chemistry with women. The bottom line is for guys: All we have to do when dating women is to push their attraction buttons and that's it. While there is a tremendous amount to that such as being fun, funny, masculine, mysterious, challenging, and confident (and much more). As a guy we can't see if would match with a certain personality type if you we can't get our foot in the door to begin with. However, for long-term relationship compatibility the different personality types may have a lot of truth to them. If you’re interested in personality stuff try reading Dr. Paul Dobransky’s research/book/programs on the King, Warrior, Magician, and Lover personality types. He also has a tremendous amount of information on the personality in his book called, "The Secret Psychology of How we fall in Love" Yes I totally just proped the guy, but his materials are that informative. I would have to read the evidence/research behind the personality types to make more of a determination to answer your question better.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

The Curse of the Detroit Lions Posted: 1/2/2009 2:30:06 PM
I think it's the curse of having Matt Millen or was it Mullen? He did a horrible job as a GM and some of the players Steve wanted Matt want not draft them. How many wide receivers did he draft in a row four or something? I think the Lions WILL do better though in the future not that Matt Millen/Mullen is out of the picture.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

call me old fashioned but please have a job Posted: 1/2/2009 12:29:34 PM
I am somewhat neutral as far was this forum post is concerned. If the guy knowingly read on your profile that you DID NOT want a man who currently lives with his parents and is not working he should have never contacted you. At the least, he should have told you in the initial phone call or first internet meeting/date at Starbucks or wherever. Like a previous poster stated, I would question a mans honesty if he didn't have the guts to tell you that he was living with his father and taking care of him right away or flat out lied to you even though he may have read what was stated on your profile. If that is the case that is more than a reason to not date the guy since he is not honest. As far as people helping to care for their elderly parents concerned it is truly a noble and unselfish thing to do. I commend the guy from taking care of his father. I also think it is a GOOD idea that you do pass him some information about adult care givers in his area if possible. He may not even know about them. He might know about them, but his family may not have the money to afford a adult-giver for the elderly. Everyone forgets that many of the adult care givers and care giving services require money unless they are state and/or federally funded. A lot of elderly do not want to go too state funded senior centers because of their bad reps and they way many elderly are treated badly in those kinds of places. Also, a lot of it depends on exactly how much care does his father require. Some elderly require 24/7 care and this may be the case of his father. His father should probably be in a nice Assisted living center where he can make friends and what not. Then again nice assisted living centers can cost a ton of money. Probably what needs to happen is the guys family (cousins,brothers, sisters uncles etc.) all need to sit down and each commit to providing the money necessary to care for his father. Unfortunately, in most of Western society the family structure is of the individualistic nature instead of collective as in China/Japan for instance. I don't think your shallow at all, you just know what you want which is a good thing. Last, anytime I read about a woman asking questions as to rather she should be dating a guy or not or what she should say to a guy about as to why she shouldn't be dating him, that tells me that the guy has NOT pushed enough of her attraction buttons that leads to an automatic emotional response (i.e. her attraction is so high it would not matter if the guy was homeless) I have known several professional women before who have said they wouldn't date this guy or that guy because he wasn't making enough money or he didn't have a job, then they come back a week later and meet a guy who is really great at attracting them and tell they are dating him and the guy is homeless or a gang member. That tells me that this guy may be a beta type male (like myself) and he may not be dating material for you anyways. Great post!

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 119 (view)

Are pay dating sites worth it? Posted: 1/2/2009 11:41:39 AM
I think any dating website is what you make of it and what your goals are. Meaning are you looking for dates, friends but not screw buddies, or are you looking to just chat on the forums? I also think that all dating websites for men we have had to compete with men whom are still married quite often and several other men who already have girlfriends which skews the numbers game for us the single men. For success, we all know that the most successful men online are of course going to be the alpha type males (men whom are naturally good at attracting women) That's life though, you either compete or lose. I had the most success making friends through the True website. It was easy to go into their chat rooms and make tons of friends. Many of them I am still friends with years later. As far as getting dates are concerned, I had one date from their website and she turned out to be a fantastic date for one month. Too bad she still was dating her ex-boyfriend as well. lol Also, my fault for not having the necessary skills/tools to out compete him. Probably the most absurd thing I saw on True was people getting naked on web cams at 2AM. I thought that was uncalled for because any kid could steal their parents password and log in as their parent and look at all of that. True really needed better chat room monitoring. I reported both men and women. True like most of the other websites had a big men to woman ratio. I think there was thirty men for every one lady in my area on True. Oh yeah, and they are suppose to check and make sure that people aren't married. I remember this one player guy was still married. He was one of the most amazing players I have ever seen on online, he would go into the chat room and at least ten women couldn't wait to chat with them. I tried to tell them that he was a player but they wouldn't believe me. Turned out he was not only still married, he was wanted for a crime as well. So True didn't do a proper job screening. I met a few ladies from yahoo personals several years ago. Match and e-harmony I thought both were jokes. Especially e-harmony, I laughed when it said that I didn't match up to ANY woman in their entire database! Gosh I would e-mail 100's of women on Match and I would get little response. Granted, I was and am an average looking joe but figured I would have had more responses. Chemistry which is Matches competing site to E-harmony was a nice surprise. I received several matches on there and several women wanted to contact me. Hmmmm maybe my photos and profile was a lot better on chemistry back then? lol taking notes for when and if I date again. Unfortunately, I didn't have the money back then to continue with Chemistry. A couple of attractive professional women in Austin were contacting me, but I was looking for work at that time. POF: POF is probably the greatest free website ever and it completely blows away most if not all of the paying websites in my opinion. At least on POF, the ladies will write you back even it's just to say hi or thank you. Not always of course, but they seem to write back more than they ever did on the paying sites. However, that being said as stated earlier it really depends for men what type of male you are. Alphas will always have more success and get the most replies back. Kudos to POF for making a wonderful free website along with fantastic forums! I never tried Lavalife or any of the others. I agree with some of the other posters who stated that offline is the best way to go for men at least. When I do decide to date again, I probably will try the lock and key events for singles were you can bypass the online profile marketing game. Good thing about those events is that they are half/half lady to men ratio. If I ever became truly desperate, I would attend a dating boot camp for men or go to the Ukraine. lol

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Enjoying being single Posted: 12/30/2008 11:34:18 AM
I agree with everyone! Time and Freedom are the two greatest assets in being single. Especially when you don't have children, you have time to do a lot of great things for yourself and for the world we live in. You can write books, volunteer regularly, work on advanced degrees more easily, and a host of other activities. The most important aspect I think we learn when your single is learning how to have fun when no one else is around and the quality of seeking happiness from within instead of externally.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Why not friends...then romance Posted: 12/13/2008 2:09:05 PM
Hey great post godfahduh you made me think of something else that I learned in my undergrad from taking Communication classes: The ""we're too good of friends, I don't want to mess that up" is women's primary indirect Communication style of letting men know they AREN'T attracted to them or Hey dude you haven't pushed my attraction buttons yet.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 134 (view)

Very High IQ Posted: 12/13/2008 12:44:50 PM
I agree with the posters that stated that you need to challenge them more. They are probably too bored and need more complex and/or creative thinking type work that challenges them. Praise for their hard work/effort and not their intelligence is always a good thing as well. I don't read too much into IQ scores/tests because there is a pro ponderous amount of evidence that states intelligence as malleable. You might could look up information online about the study of FLOW in Positive Psychology as well. :-)

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Why not friends...then romance Posted: 12/13/2008 11:12:34 AM
I agree with Txtodd 100%! The reason why there are so many guys who want a romantic relationship and/or sex before being or without being friends first is because most (not all of course) guys are placed into the friend category if they do not create attraction with women from the get go. They are placed sub-consciously by most women into the friend category. Once a man is placed into the friend zone it is VERY hard to get out of it. That is why you see a lot of beta male type "nice guys" complain about not being able to find women because they put themselves into the friend zone straight away by being boring, non-masculine, non-challenge, non mysterious, non assertive, lower self-esteem, and basically the very OPPOSITE of Txtodd. Probably exactly why I don't date now because I know I would be placed into the friend zone. If I do date someday again, I hope to be more of an alpha type male. For right now, I just know all the theory and why thing as they are in the dating game for combination of reading eight billion books on dating, relationships, watching/reading several dating programs for men, and life experience. Now if the guys are just only TRULY wanting to be friends with you without dating you in the future or having any notion of ever having sex with you, and truly do not want anything from you another than just your friendship, then that could be and is a truly great thing in my opinion. I know what you mean though. In a perfect world, it would be great if men and women could be friends first in all cases and true love develops where the man still has an animalistic (VERY STRONG) type attraction from the lady to himself. When I use to date, I often would think to myself, "Why can't we as men be friends with women first then maybe come more later?" I was enlightened ten years after I first had those thoughts. Let me know if my post doesn't make any sense whatsoever. I can clarify.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 120 (view)

What caused your last serious relationship to end? Posted: 12/13/2008 8:43:22 AM
Ended March of this year. Ten month relationship. I really enjoyed the time I spent with her and she will always have a special place in my heart. I don't play the blame game and say that she did this and that because she did not. I can only take responsibility for my part, which was I did not continue dating her when I should have. I made the mistake of becoming too comfortable in the relationship in thinking that I didn't have to date her anymore once we were boyfriend/girlfriend. I was under the false impression that once a girl tells you repeatedly that they love you for months on end that you don't have to play the attraction dating game anymore. I was wrong! My best advice for ALL men is to ALWAYS continue to do what worked early in the relationship that attracted her to you to begin with. NEVER ever ever get comfortable. Oh yes, and another important aspect that I learned about relationships, (which I knew in theroy but not practice) is to ALWAYS make friends outside of the relationship (not screw buddy friends) but real friends both men and women so you have a life outside of the relationship. This is very important for men, because if you do not have hardly any friends or any at all that live close by you will find yourself going out to the movies alone, doing everything alone, and your social life will tank in the process. If I would have had a time machine, I would have gone back to summer of 2007 continued dating her (not just taking out to dinner and movies) and not getting comfortable in the relationship. I could become defensive and blame some things on her, but then that would not be taking responsibility for my own actions.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Why is it that the majority of the conversations I have dont get passed the online stage? Posted: 12/13/2008 8:24:24 AM
Hey Dr. Pepper! I totally see where you are coming from. In my opinion, I think you have to keep in mind that the online world is often used by people for only attention. They may say they are looking for someone when in reality they may not be and they just don't know/realize it on the conscious level. Also, you have a lot of perfectionism online. Meaning that you have a lot of men and women looking for someone that is there "perfect" soul mate that does not exist. Your profile carries a significant amount of weight online. Pictures and words are all that people have to go be here on POF and because of it a tremendous amount of weight is placed on them. Could it be considered unfair? Sure you bet, but that is the way it is. You also have probably even more competition online than you do offline for men at least. As you may know, most average to attractive women receive dozens of e-mails on POF per week from tons of guys. The only way guys can truly separate themselves from the rest is having jam up profiles, (which mine is not obviously) playing the attraction game, (i.e. being funny, showing higher status but not arrogance, being masculine and a host of other personality traits) and probably a bit of luck as well never hurts either. It sounds like to me that you would be happier and more successful if you tried meeting more people offline instead of from the online world. A disclaimer here though since I don't know you for adam, I am going solely by what wrote on this posting. I know what you mean though! In a perfect world it would be great if people (especially those who live within driving distance) would want to meet just too make friends. Safety factor is another thing I forgot to mention. A lot of ladies and probably some men may e-mail you but they would never meet you in person UNLESS their attraction level for you was so high that it almost forced them to meet you. Some women feel that it is unsafe or just plain weird to meet people from the Internet. I know, why do they have profiles listed on POF then? lol Interesting world......

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

disabled guys and dating. Posted: 12/11/2008 5:13:07 PM
Hey little lady, It's a real shame that in modern Western society people whom are disabled are often treated like second-class citizens in some ways. It sounds like to me that you need a guy like my Doctor. He is a really awesome guy and when I saw him and his wife one night in public at a bar I noticed right away that his way was disabled. The fact that she was disabled told me a tremendous amount about how great of a doctor and human being he truly is. I wish I could tell you were to find guys like that, but I do not know. My best suggestion is to not try online. Too much weight is placed upon profile photos and what not here online. I would suggest that you try offline more.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 127 (view)

Why are there so many beautiful women in British Columbia and Canada? Posted: 12/5/2008 8:44:40 AM
Blah forgot to add: Another way you can tell is look at the number of how many men have the lady on their favorites list. You will notice that most attractive women in the U.S. have more than most attractive Canadian women here on POF. Noticed I said most and not all of course.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 126 (view)

Why are there so many beautiful women in British Columbia and Canada? Posted: 12/5/2008 8:42:22 AM
I don't think it is a grass is always greener on the other side thing syndrome here on POF at least. I have been on POF for a while now, and I have noticed that there really are more single attractive women in Canada than there is in the U.S. I even counted one day for fun or out of boredom and the numbers were 2 to 1 in Canada's favor. Then again beauty is in the eye of the beholder what one person thinks is attractive the next person does not. Once posted my photos on hot or not and I got everything from a 2 to a 7 for my looks.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

disabled guys and dating. Posted: 12/4/2008 10:36:44 AM
Hey Gary I love your attitude about your disability! You are not letting your disability stop you whatsoever! I think that is really awesome. To the first poster: That's just the way it is. I don't think a lot of the women can help that they may not be attracted to someone with disability. I think they are hard-wired from caveman days to select the stronger male. Don't let it stop your disability stop you though, I have heard of a guy who was handicapped and who had dwarfism pick up some of the world's most beautiful women. How did he does this? He had confidence in himself and he viewed failure as an opportunity to learn. The guy also had a lot of humor. View your disability as a strength instead of weakness. Show yourself that you can do more than people who are not disabled in many ways. I hate to sound like Tony RObbins but it's true. Change how you view failure and you increase your chances to not only be more successful with women but life in general in my opinion. :-)

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

Nice Guys Finish....FIRST!!! Posted: 12/4/2008 10:28:47 AM
This topic has been beaten to death on the other forums so I won’t say too much on it. I have covered it extensively in some of the other forums. I enjoy reading about this topic every eight months or so because I always learn more. I will add here that most “Nice Guys” seek Validation not only from women they are interested in but from everyone they are around. Alpha male types usually seek to be KNOWN instead of validated. They rarely if ever practice approval seeking behaviors therefore making them more of a challenge than the nice guy. The term “Nice Guy” is one that is hard to define. Nice guy is usually defined as a guy who treats not only women with respect, he is honest, kind, considerate, loyal, trustworthy, and who shows great empathy for others. A nice guy isn’t CONTROLLING. A lot of guys think they are nice when in reality they truly aren’t because they are either borderline stalkers or stalkers. I won’t say too much more on the definition of the nice guy. The last poster made a really great point about the guy she knew was a control freak. In the defense of “Nice Guys” they really can’t help the way they are. They were taught by their parental figures (probably their mother was the dominant one) to be nice, respectful to others, to please other people, to be kind considerate and helpful. While those are all wonderful traits to have, they do not apply to the attraction dating game whatsoever. However, they do apply to long-term relationships and can be beneficial in long-term relationships. Notice I did not say short-term relationships. In our modern society we do not have the rites of passage into manhood that existed during the caveman days or afterwords in some tribal societies. Boys went through experiences that caused them actual physical pain and most importantly they were separated from their mothers and taught to be men real men. Am I saying that we should go out and put stakes underneath the upper part of the chest skin on nice guys? No not at all. What I am explaining is the “Why” of the modern nice guy phenomena. As far as attraction between men and women is concerned, I truly do believe that it goes back to the primal days as well. Based on what I have learned from Dr. Paul Dobransky, women looked to men for protection from saber toothed tigers, wholly mammoths, and a host of other dangerous carnivores. They would often mate with the most physically strongest guys, the most confident, and especially the leaders of the tribes. Thousands of years of women (especially attractive women) selecting the most strongest of their tribes has biologically hard-wired a need in women to go for the alpha type male. While there are several women who would disagree with my previous statement, that is expected since if I were a woman I might become naturally defensive as well to agree with Dr. Paul Dobransky’s and several of the dating gurus for men who say that “attraction for women is not a choice”. The problem today is that there are no more saber-toothed tigers to endanger the women nor are there rites of passage to manhood for natural beta male type men. Men now know that they must either adapt by becoming and/or being alpha type males in our new post-feminism world or they will continually fail when it comes to attracting women. In today’s society how do beta type males learn to become more alpha type? Well, they did not learn from the home they were raised nor from their schools so where? They learn from the dating gurus or from other male friends who are alpha type males. Specifically, they can learn by mirroring the alpha males’ behaviors. Another point I would like to make is about how amazing of a radar women have. Women can always instinctively tell if a guy is truly an alpha male or is a beta or even a beta in training to become an alpha. It still amazes to this day how they can tell within seconds. Example: Group of Marines who were truly nice beta male type guys (which was unusual as most Marines are usually alpha) walk into a club in California and all the ladies ignore them completely. Group of guys who are alpha types and actual gang members were not ignored and the college girls went home with the gang members that night. Hopefully that example I just used wasn’t too poor, but anyways my point is that the attraction part in the ladies brains signaled to them instantly that the guys who were gang members were the “primal leaders of the cave man days”. Therefore, their attraction went beyond the visual physical realm. I come from a different school of thought: Why do we as boys or men have to focus on dating women or attracting them? Regardless of what kind of a man a guy is, why must our focus be on always having women (i.e. alpha who is banging a different girl every week) or our goal of needing women (i.e. beta male who thinks he needs a woman to boost his baseline level of happiness)? I have known many alpha males when I was in the Marine Corps who were masters at attracting women and you know what. At the end of the day they felt horribly shallow deep down inside because having sex with tons of women truly did not bring increase their long-term happiness. Conversely, I have known many beta males who constantly feel like they need women who expand so much time, energy, money, thought, and negativity into running up against a break wall in attempts to gain the favor of women. They are so stressed out that their quest to find one “true soul-mate” becomes their life. I think the focus and goal of modern men both alpha and beta should be on improving their happiness through several ways such as doing volunteer work, showing gratitude, meditation, and a host of other tools that I don’t have time to discuss.

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Today I Remember Posted: 11/11/2008 9:33:16 PM
Contact your local Veterans Hospital and ask them for the Volunteer Services or ask them how you can volunteer. :-) The Veterans are always looking for a smiling face or someone to help boost their mood. As a Veteran, I thank you for wanting to volunteer!

ligonmaximus

Joined: 4/23/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

VETERANS DAY Posted: 11/11/2008 9:28:57 PM
Happy Veterans Day to all VETS! I thank all of you past, present, and future Vets! Your sacrifices have made it possible for us to enjoy precious freedoms today. Veteran myself as well: 2/7 Fox Company 1st Platoon 29 Palms California (First Enlistment) 2/7 HQ Co. (Second Enlistment) Also spent six months in the Navy Reserve in between Marine Corps enlistments. Sister Debra was an Army (MP) vet. Dad was a Navy Seebee Nam Vet and grandfather was a WWII and Korean War Vet. God Bless our troops and vets!

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