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 Author Thread: Would you cheat on SO for alot of money?
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Would you cheat on SO for alot of money?
Posted: 11/23/2009 8:31:24 AM

She was not testing me.

She believes it would be okay as long as the other partner agrees to it and she would be strong enough to move past it, even if I was the cheater getting the $1 million dollars.



Me thinks you are in a bit of denial, partner.

Now if you were NOT exclusive and were just in an FWB situation, or an "open relationship" - or whatever the term for it these days, it might be a different story.

But as far as her testing you......she was........trust us on that one.

Besides, if she truly wants to be with you and she truly loves you, that type of topic of conversation would NOT have even come up.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Would you cheat on SO for alot of money?
Posted: 11/23/2009 8:27:28 AM
There is NO excuse or reason for cheating. I've been cheated on and it is a hurt like no other.

Yes, I myself am somewhat of a public figure by virtue of what I do and have some very very large accounts, but it certainly does NOT give me carte blanche to sleep with any one of them. Besides, my personal and professional ethics will not allow for me to get personally involved with a client.

Sounds to me like she is getting the itchy feet and wants to go out and play the field some more. I guess my feeling about that is.........let her.........without you.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
talk to me before you judge me
Posted: 11/23/2009 7:52:47 AM
aahhhhh one kind man.......although you and I have had our differences, my hat is off to you overall. - You always seem to know what to say and how to say it.

I would also like to add that yes, we ALL get judged. I'll add another group that gets judge very very harshly:

The overweight. Yes, we get stared at, scoffed at, even spit on.

I have worked human services and have worked with many, many people the world over and I have come to one conclusion:

No matter who you are, where you are from, what your ethnic background is, what your socioeconomic status us, what your hang ups are, what you don't like about yourself, no matter whether or not you have tattos and piercings, you are too short, too tall, weigh too much, have a substance abuse problem, and the list goes on and on etc. when you get down to the brass tacks and strip a person down to the very core........

We ALL have the basic fundamental want and need to be accepted for WHO we are unconditionally.

Unfortunately, in our overly shallow and judgemental society, it is getting harder and harder for people to find folks - whether it be friends, loved ones, or even family, who will not judge you. -

And the irony of all ironies is we are supposedly so civilized and so "tolerant" etc......well, that is a subject for another thread, but basically.......it ain't happenin' It's just getting worse and worse. - Sad but true.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 59 (view)
 
men and emotional maturity
Posted: 11/22/2009 11:23:01 AM

I think renegadeoutlaw, it also stands to reason that that the term "governmental intelligence" is occasionally an oxymoron.....


let's try that again........it is NOT occaisionally an oxymoron. It ALWAYS is an oxymoron. - let's just not go any further. - that subject -right along with men and their emotional (im)maturity is enough to send my blood pressure through the roof of of Empire State Building.

Trust me on that.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 548 (view)
 
I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 11/21/2009 3:45:52 PM

Take it a bit further....what have a lot of women LEARNED from alot of men since they have been single ?? From being on dating sites??
That makes them feel they have to be defensive and over protective of themselves. To cry out that they are not greedy, goldiggers, game-players, manipulative, dinner-whores and serial daters?? To cry out that men don't have to do or pay out a dime for anything?
Yet these same women are on here happily saying that they are lustily sexual.
Huh? Neon sign. Is that what is important?

In my idea of the feminist movement (grassroots) we weren't supposed to USE sex to hook guys. We were supposed to use our brains and our female power. Only bimbos and needy women used sex to attract.
Somehow, it has become the norm for a guy to use this card "Huh...if you are making me wait..you are using your vag as the "golden coochie".."
So, now independent defensive women don't want that card used on them, too.

Men now have easy sex without investing a dime. AIN'T LIFE GRAND .
Are these women another garden variety of "manpleasers"??

Of note: Really secure and self-assured women don't fall for ANY of the nasty cards that some men play. They just laugh and go pfft.


Belle Lass - aint that the truth! (message 518)

I'll even take it one more step and say that it totally amazes me how I also read profiles on here from men that state they want to be with someone intelligent, educated, can hold a good and decent conversation, self sufficient, self supporting, and yes, independent (there's that word again) etc.

So here some of us are out here - we try to connect with these said men and we get harshly penalized, punished, and rebuked for it in the end. - What they truly WANT is the bimbo who will just give it up at a second's notice and not think twice. - Totally blows my mind.

And yes, you are totally right that self assured women don't fall for any of the shitty games that guys play - online OR offline. - Why?? Because we DON'T HAVE TO!
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 517 (view)
 
I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 11/21/2009 7:05:35 AM
Intephantom, I don't NEED a man or anyone else for that matter, to emotionally validate me.

Yes, I along with a lot of others on here have been through some tough things in life and I didn't have anyone to hold my hand through it. I had to be there for my own self - as nobody else was there. and I found that no, I don't need anyone. - I can be my own support, entertainment, and best friend. - and I learned that in a very hard way.

 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 514 (view)
 
I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 11/21/2009 6:07:46 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

we obviously have yet another man on here who think that women should not be able to make it on their own. You just don't get it do you?? It's the same deal I run across time and time again of men being pissed off that We made OUR OWN opportunities and developed our own abilities of being able to stand on our own. - and handle what life dishes out.

Yes, I was married for several years. - he decided he wanted out. - fine. go ahead and go. once you walk out the door don't come back. - Thank god I had a good job, education, and resources to make it on my own and I am doing just fine thank you. - I make more money now than I ever had - why? because I work very hard. - and I did it on my own. - with no help from anyone.

YES I can stand on my own - have been doing for several years now. I don't need a man to support me or take care of me. If I waited around for someone to come along I would be waiting for a long long time. - So the point is obviously NOT moot.

Again, whether you are a man or woman, you need to be able to handle what life throws at you. Independence is NOT a terrible thing.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 512 (view)
 
I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 11/21/2009 6:00:52 AM

I hope YOU get over your bitterness before you die lonely.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I am not bitter.......just realistic. You missed it again. Read the whole post. THEN tell me I am bitter??? I don't think so.

Do you think you personally could handle something like what my grandmother did?

Not just my grandmother, or how about a father who loses his wife to breast cancer and now has 4 little kids to raise on his own?

Could you sir, stand on your own two feet?

Could you make it on your own?

Could you handle the cruelties that life hands you?

Remember, there are NO guarantees in life and you had better be prepared to deal with what it hands you.

 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 51 (view)
 
men and emotional maturity
Posted: 11/21/2009 5:55:07 AM

Well,renegadeoutlaw, tell us. What is the emotional maturity of men in government intelligence?

Or is that answer to scary to put in print?



I really DON'T think you would want for me to draw you a picture on that matter. For if I did, the post would be deleted so fast it would make your head spin.

I'll just say that you need to read between the lines and that a little common sense goes a long long way.

 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 509 (view)
 
I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 11/21/2009 5:36:08 AM

You know, whats really ironic (and funny) about this post is that if you read between the lines, her reactions are the end result of everything that EyeOfTheCamera pointed out......lol.........


Silverhawk (message 493) you just don't get it. Yes, it may be a reaction of eyeofthecamera, but you know what???? The point of it is what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

If men can flaunt their "independence", recklessness, irresponsibility, and inconsideration of others, then they are perceived as "macho" and "cool". - and yes, rewarded for it.

If women do the same, we are labled as "b*tches" and other choice labels and names that aren't even printable.

Basically what I said in my post holds so true. We as women have our own lives, careers, money, assets, property, the right to vote and the list goes on and on. - and much of that for those women who lived a generation or two before us......ALL of those things have been hard fought and won.

Yes, what my grandmother went through losing her husband at such a young age with 3 kids under the age of 10 was terrible. She had a long long future of raising her kids on her own and made the best of it - in spite of the lack of opportunities and social programs back then. Yes, we ALL - whether your are a man or a woman need to have the ability to handle what life throws at us.

But the point of it is we as women do NOT need you. - anymore than you need us. - We CAN stand on our own two feet. Get over it. - It is what we as women hear from men all the frickin' time. - and now the shoe is on the other foot because WE went out and created our own opportunities - got educated, earned our careers, etc, etc. and now you are pissed off because we do NOT need you.

That is really what it is when you get down to the brass tacks of the matter. - it isn't all that hard to figure out.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 35 (view)
 
men and emotional maturity
Posted: 11/20/2009 5:50:14 PM
A riddle for you

What do the words men and emotional maturity and government and intelligence all have in common?

Answer: they should never be used in the same sentence.



 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 477 (view)
 
I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 11/20/2009 5:42:49 PM
Fortunes, I'm not angry or hostile. Just telling it like it is.........as I am sure there are many women out here who are thinking the same thing I am.

I have the guts to put it out there. - along with a few others.

hence my name

renegadeoutlaw
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 474 (view)
 
I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 11/20/2009 5:26:33 PM

The socialization is the key problem. Young women are told they can break all the rules, do what they want, no consequences, who cares if a man suffers, they deserve it, women should be proud to be a bytch, etc etc. This immaturity is then carried over into their adult years because of the peer reinforcement of said hateful beliefs.


What a bunch of bullshit! If women are taught that, well then on the other hand, I see men being raised to be callous, uncaring, emotionless, reckless, and can sleep around with whomever they wish - and "spread their seed far and wide" and consequences be damned. - and in the end, if the woman they slept with two months ago becomes pregnant, has the baby, and no child support, she suffers as well - along with the child, because the guy ran off and won't take responsibility. - Yet HE is rewarded by his other male peers at the bars and clubs with high fives for having as many "friends with benefits" and notches on his bedstead as he can.

Which is why we as women have LEARNED to become independent, not to take any shit from men, AND stand on our own two feet and definitely NOT rely on a man to help or "take care" of us. Good God, if I personally waited around for some guy out there to take care of me, I would be sitting here a long long time.

I personally and I am sure a few other women on here can attest that as well was raised with the belief that there are NO guarantees in life. You have to learn to be able to deal with whatever curve ball life throws you. Believe me, it happened in my own family. My grandmother HAD to be independent. - She was widowed at age 40 in 1951 with 3 young kids all under the age of 10 to raise on her own. - and there weren't a lot of opportunities for women out there at the time, much less welfare or the other government social programs that exist today. She damn sure didn't give up. She just rolled up her sleeves, moved her family back home to be near her own family, and went to work. That's right. Went to work. And focused on her family. She damn sure didn't focus on trying to find a replacement father for her kids. - she never remarried and lived the rest of her life on her own. Yes, it was tough but she made it.

She told me many many times that women do not need to be married or with someone to make it that we can do it on our own. You just have to have the education, know how, and skills to make it work.


In case you ladies have not figured it out yet -- the majority of men are raised to not take well to ultimatiums -- not from dictators, tyrants, friends, or relationship partners. So of course it is a major red flag to see irrational demands in a profile. Not sure why so many seem to find that hard to understand.


In case you men haven't figured it out yet - the majority of women don't have to take any ultimatums or any crap from men. - and believe me, there are many many male tyrants and dictators out here.

Upon reviewing profiles out here and seeing the following phrases:

discretion a must
looking for friends with benefits only
looking for no strings attached sex
looking to explore my wild side
looking for an open relationship
anything serious is not an option

and the list goes on and on

are Huge RED Flags to many of us. We aren't just going to lie down and give it to you just because you demand it.

So in all reality eyeofthecamera, it works both ways. Hate to tell you this, but your arguement has been shot down. Welcome to the New World Order.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Was she the one?
Posted: 11/20/2009 4:20:07 PM

Almost a year after my separation from wife of 20 years I started dating a woman I had met in my through a church group. In the beginning it was totally amazing!!! There was mutual love, respect, chemistry, compatibility, etc.


Dude, that was your first mistake. You were with your ex wife for 20 years and on your own for just one.


Once the drunken love wore off and normal tension and disagreements crept in, I saw myself withdrawal from the relationship. Too many reminders of where I was when my marriage crumbled. Lost weight, sleep, depressed and unable to concentrate, etc.


Of course it would. It's always very very nice to have someone in your life etc. but you were in this relationship for the wrong reasons and as we all know, lonliness makes for very strange bed partners. You need to be on your own and be okay with just being by yourself. You need to be on your own and heal before embarking on yet another relationship.


felt lost and was angry at myself for not being able to speak as I felt. I recognized that I was making the same mistakes that I had made in marriage. I identified that I had not healed from the collapse of my marriage and needed to grow within before I could contribute toward a healthy relationship. Once I recognized this as well having difficulty accepted her complete package and seeing undesirable patterns from her past, I sheepishly elected to end our once wonderful 7 month relationship.

That was a 6 weeks ago.
I miss her terribly.
I hurt her and feel terrible for that.

I am now attempting to find myself, dig out of depression and shed memories of her.

I feel much love for her and we had amazing times, but in my gut I know she is not “the one”.
How do I move on?
Why can’t I stop thinking about her???
Was she really the “one?”


What you had here was what is known as the "rebound relationship". Your own marriage tanked and you need to feel like you still "got it" and are still young, attractive and virile. It is nothing to be ashamed of as we all go through that when a relationship implodes.....or explodes for that matter.

Yes, you DO need to move on.....and you also need to get your head on straight.....and you can do that by NOT dating for a while as it is not fair to anyone who were to get involved with you at this juncture in your life.

What you might want to do is get into the Divorce Care group. It is a Christian Faith based group that is mostly held in churches and is free and confidential and is designed for those who are contemplating, actually going through, or who have been through the legal process. It is DVD/open floor format and the workbook is about 15.00. It deals with subjects of dealing with your anger, hurt, lonliness, finances, the legal system, kids, your ex, new relationships, new life and yes, new friendships. The website for this is http://www.divorcecare.org. It is a wonderful and very resourceful website that also has a group finder. - Just plug in the ZIP code and hopefully, a group near you will pop up. My friend went through this and really got a lot out of it.

A common question that gets asked in Divorce Care is how long should one wait before embarking on the dating scene or getting involved post divorce. EVERYONE hates the answer: Basically the answer to that is you take the number of years total you were with your ex and divide by four on your calculator. - The answer you get is the amount of time you need to be on your own to get over your ex and be okay with dating again.

When I personally heard I should be on my own for about three and a half years I thought I would die. Yes, during that time, I had some lonely times and yes, I did date casually once in a while etc. but I am glad I took the time because now, I am okay with being on my own. During that time, I joined a sporting league, volunteer at a museum and now a hospital and joined a book club. - and I still do these things and totally enjoy it. I have made some amazing new friends who have become a huge support in these ventures. It was the best medicine for me and it can for you too. Stay busy and stay focused.

I know it's very difficult and yes, the first year is always hard, but once you get through that - the holidays, seasons, etc. you will be fine. But you can't be in a relationship right now. You need to diffuse from your divorce, heal, and move on with your life.

In taking the time to do so, you will be able to heal and be okay with being on your own.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Over-weight and unhappy a question for the Broken hearted
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:39:21 AM

There are lots of men who prefer BBWs......


Well, if there are, I damn sure would like to know where they are!
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 127 (view)
 
Dating a Married Man
Posted: 11/19/2009 7:15:39 PM
I know I have posted this before....but it sure bears mentioning again.....Long....I know....but the premise is still there.........



If I had to get on my knees to beg you not to do one thing in your life it would be this - dating a married person. In the USA 44% of married men have an extramarital affair and 32% of married women follow suit. In the USA almost 50% of all marriages fail. In the UK that figure is around 33%. So from square one, marriage requires one's utmost attention to sustain it. Messing about with a third party is not going to help. Speaking from experience, having an affair with a married person is the single most stupid thing you will ever do. Period. If you want to lose all the dignity you ever had, lose your self-worth and wreck people's lives on top of your own then please go ahead.

I will be brutal here; You are stupid if you do. Affairs with married people often happen due to purely selfish desire and due to sheer boredom and it will hurt you. You will not come out of it well. An opportunity is presented to you and you are too greedy to say no. Sex with a married person is dramatic, open, stimulating and very exciting. For the married person it is all these things plus a release from the mundane situation they find themselves in; a release from the boring sex and drudgery of daily life. And none of it will last.

The problem with dating a married person when you are single is that you remain single throughout the affair. You are not a couple so don't fool yourself. Sure you may act like a couple when you are together, but you aren't. In the very beginning you will see quite a lot of your new lover. Secret dates will be established and the excitement will make you feel alive. But as soon as the guilt sets in for your married lover, excuses will develop and you will be kept hanging on, but ever available just in case they can make it. It is a subtle process and by the time you realize, it's often too late to save your heart.

Oh yes, you will never be without a phone on the off chance that your lover will call. They want to see you but you must be understanding that its not easy for them. Indeed you will be praised for just how understanding you are. You have just become a saint and a martyr. In the meantime they will be tucked up in bed with their other half trying to fix things. They won't tell you that of course, because they don't want to hurt you. You will have to endure endless months of discussing what it will be like when you are together (which you probably never will) and you will face comparisons with their spouse at every turn, even if they never vocalize it.

You will be expected to be available just in case because one can never tell when your crutch-like strength will be required and you will be thankful for any small morsel of time you are given. They will insist that the evening you had a week last Tuesday was a great deal for them to arrange so be grateful and that you should just hang on for them if you love them. And so it goes on, month after month. Of course the key thing that makes your affair different from everyone else's is that it is 'different'. Your passion and love is almost unique and you know they are in a terrible marriage and they made a mistake and you will be perfect together. In other words, you will make excuses whenever possible to justify the situation - just a little more time and things will be fantastic.

No one else can possibly understand what you both are going through and so you will withdraw from some of your friends. Partly because they strongly disapprove of what you are doing. Your weekends will be wasted as will vacations because whilst you are alone waiting at home for the phone to ring, they will be at social functions and parties and all kinds of domestic events that you would die to have but are never afforded the opportunity of having. You trust your lover implicitly. After all you are in this together. The thing is your entire relationship is already founded on deceit. And if they can do it to their husband or wife they can also do it to you. And they will. Eventually!

You see, if your lover was going to leave their partner they would have to leave for themselves and not for you. If they are going to do it for themselves it will be much sooner rather than later. If they haven't become single within 12 weeks they probably never will. They must leave not for you but for their own reasons. If they leave for you, you will be held silently accountable in future every time life is not perfect. And for all you know, they may always be looking backwards with a half-glance and all that they left behind.

If children are involved in the marriage then although you may not be able to fix their marriage, you are contributing to destroy it and with it, the children's stability. Walk away as fast as possible in the opposite direction and keep walking. Never fool yourself here, dating a married person is a complete waste of time in 99% of cases. A very few do make it through but almost all don't. You will have absolutely no idea as to what your married lover is going through and you will be nothing more than light relief to something far more serious.

You will lose self respect because you are sharing your lover, you are falling in love with someone you cannot have, you are second best most of the time and you will be extremely lonely. Most of the evenings will not be with your loved one so your relationship cannot grow, much of what you do will be based around sex not love. Your relationship will be extremely intense but will be sporadic and unfulfilling. As a woman you will be made to feel cheap and may even fall pregnant in which case your situation has just become highly complex.

The thing I cannot stress enough is how much you will be lied to. The person you love will be telling you lies almost constantly. It is not that they are essentially bad, it is that they will over time get used to lying to spare feelings whilst protecting themselves. And do remember that in the midst of such emotional turmoil, they will have no option but to start considering only themselves. In the end they will find lying to everyone second nature, even though it may be cutting them up emotionally. A married lover simply wants to sit on the fence and never make a decision. They want you to decide for them which of course you cannot. You could demand that they leave their partner for you once and for all, but in doing so you are now standing in the firing line.

Finally, they will see you as part of the turmoil of their life and they will ditch you, just like their spouse. You get tarnished with the same brush. That's how it works.
The simple question I will ask is that if you really do value yourself and understand yourself and if you truly believe that there are some truly great single people out there, why would you waste your life on dating a married person. For all these words, people will continue to learn from their own mistakes and in doing so pass on their valuable lessons to others. But for the sake of some short term passionate sex, you truly could be risking everything. Let us hope that you have the wisdom to walk away and not look back.

If you really want to remind yourself of what life and love is about, watch the video to the song by Air called All I Need. The girl sums it up perfectly in the first 60 seconds. You won't find it in an affair.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
How can someone say they love you yet want to be with someone else
Posted: 11/19/2009 6:45:23 PM
Forget her. She is basically using you as a back up.

You deserve to be with someone who truly wants to be with you and nobody else.

NO CONTACT. She is obviously enjoying twisting the knife in your back by saying she is dating someone else, so let her.

Walk away and don't look back.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 52 (view)
 
2nd chance... yes or no
Posted: 11/19/2009 6:13:16 PM
OP, remember the Golden Rule of Relationships:

Once you walk out the door and say you are finished, then you are. This rule applies to both parties and is nontransferrable. There is no going back. Never, ever break up with someone more than once. - For if you do, you are subjecting yourself to the on/off again instability and abuse and it can last for years and years on end. - It isn't worth it. Once you take someone back, it just gives them an opportunity to hurt you again.

I think you know deep down in your gut what would happen if you were to take him back. You answered your own question by saying:


.......it had shown how little he actually cared and didnt seem to mind sabotoging our relationshîp


Remember.....leopards don't change their spots. In other words, if you get back with him and let him in your life, he will just have his eye on the back door and look for a way out.

Move on with your life.


I have been seeing other people and gaining my own sense of indepedance again.... just not really sure I would love to be with him again yet this small part of me says No you have worked too loong and hard to be ok again and this would only ruin things. I dont want him to think he can just come back into my life again and act like everything is fine. any sugguestions any one


Take your own advice here sweetie......Again.....move on with your life. Get out there, get a change of scene. - take on new hobbies, volunteer somewhere, make some new friends, join a club, a sporting league, etc.

You don't need him. You deserve much better than him. Trust me. Stay busy, keep putting one foot in front of the other and in time, you will be MORE than okay.

 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Confused by my hormones - having sex with boyfriend for first time
Posted: 11/19/2009 5:24:37 PM
OP It's okay. You don't have to give up your body for sex if you just plain flat aren't ready.

There are not too many older virgins out there and that is okay too. It seems we as a society are subject to a whole lot of peer pressure these days to shed it. Do not give in to that.

As far as being the token "fat kid" don't feel bad. I too, was heavy in high school and have struggled with my weight all my life. Unfortunately, society isn't too accepting of BBW's or Big and Tall Men as they are our thinner counterparts.

Remember, once you give sex away, or in your case, your virginity, you can never get it back.

What silkenfire said in her earlier posts holds true. If you are seriously contemplating sex, make sure you see your doctor and get on the pill as condoms aren't always the most reliable form of birth control.

Just remember who you are, where you come from, and no matter what happens, you are truly okay. You need to do what is right for you. DO NOT ever let anyone else tell you differently.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Is being yourself really good advice?
Posted: 11/19/2009 5:34:55 AM
My take is what you see is what yout get.

I put on NO airs for anyone.

If you don't like what you see, hit the road, Jack!

Next!



 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Emails with EX
Posted: 11/16/2009 3:36:25 PM
Forget her. She is still too hung up on her ex.

With the exception of having kids together, I will never figure out why one would want to contact their ex.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 207 (view)
 
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 11/16/2009 3:30:00 PM

) Men are more likely to ignore problems in the relationship in order to keep getting sex.
2) Women usually expect relationships to grow and deepen over time. Men often don't. Men are often happy to let things stay loose, and are reluctant to commit. This turns many women off.
3) Women, when unhappy, end the relationship. Men, when unhappy, cheat.
4) Women often have stronger social support networks then men do. When a relationship ends, a woman can often take comfort in her friends. Men are more likely to be lonely


I'll pretty agree with the first 3 on here, but not the 4th......I have seen many many men out here who will themselves end a relationship and have another woman waiting in the wings. If that one doesn't work out, well, they are on to the next one who is waiting as well. So no. I don't see a lot of lonliness amongst men.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
 
I saw my ex's new woman/I don't know what I feel
Posted: 11/16/2009 5:06:14 AM
^^^^^^^^^^Some of you don't think it's possible to meet someone when you are 15?????

How many of you met and married your High School sweetheart????? - And about how old were you when you met your high school sweetheart???? 14? 15? 16?





Were you always a BBW or is this something that happenned while you were dating


What difference does that make??? I am sure it did WONDERS for the OP's self esteem/worth when her ex said he would only marry her if she got down to a size 14......what do you think??? I hope and pray she didn't do anything unhealthy to her body in some attempts to do that.

It totally blows my mind how truly unaccepting we can all be of BBW's or Big and Tall Men. Not everyone can be glamorous and rail thin. Some of us are heavier, and some of us aren't.

Yes, I am totally aware of all the health risks that being heavier can bring. - But my feeling about it is......if you are truly trying to make an effort to either stay stable, lose, or make some changes, - in a healthy way - via eating better, or exercising - a walk in the morning before work, or a class, then my hat is off to you. For those who just want to sit back, do absolutely nothing, eat chip and dip and drink beer, then no.

Believe me, I am heavy myself and have done some pretty unhealthy things to lose the weight. - From starving myself all the way to partaking of extremely unhealthy fad diets. - as I am sure quite a few of us have done that and then some. And yes, my self esteem and self worth suffered as well as my physical being. - as I am sure that has happened to quite a few of us as well.

We are ALL different and that is okay. It's what makes the world go around. Unfortunately, in this age of being Politically Correct, and with being more "tolerant" we still have a long long way to go.

Sad but true. - OP, keep on keeping on. YOU DO have value as a person.

Sorry for my rant here, but yelling, screaming, threatening, cajoling will NOT take the weight off. - I know.....I have always been heavy and suffered a LOT of verbal abuse from my grandmother for it.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 111 (view)
 
How would you define
Posted: 11/16/2009 4:45:47 AM

High Maintenance is a woman who must be given the best of everything all the time :)

Nothing is too good and you need to have very deep pockets to keep her interest. She usually has many high rollers chasing after her !


And I'll also add she has a LOT of DRAMA in her life...........

and yes, she has many high rollers chasing and throwing themselves at her and if she happens to be dating you, she'll just threaten that she can easily replace you in a heartbeat.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 203 (view)
 
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 11/16/2009 4:41:26 AM
I wouldn't know.......I have always been the dumpee.......NOT the dumper............

I wouldn't even know what it is like to be the one to initiate the ending of a relationship. - Even after I have given my all to keep it all going, have much to offer someone, am faithful, etc. I still get dumped.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
I saw my ex's new woman/I don't know what I feel
Posted: 11/15/2009 6:24:13 PM

Guess which one I feel most upset about? Yep--the one where I feel the woman is inferior to me, yet he loves HER, not me, so what the hell does that make ME?! On the outside, I'm so much "better", but inside I must be NOTHING compared to her.


Wow. It just goes to show, again, we do NOT need someone on the outside - or the popular media - for that matter telling us how we "don't measure up"........

We don't need someone else telling us how we should think, feel, and be. We are all fine just the way we are. We all have good qualities about us. - We just have to let those good qualities shine through and love ourselves in a nonegotistical way. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to do it, but it CAN be done!

Never, ever measure yourself up to anyone else.....because if you do, you will always, always come up short.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 17 (view)
 
The betrayal of my ex haunts me....
Posted: 11/15/2009 6:06:52 PM
Yes. I did. And I know how much it hurts.

I certainly hope that you hung up on here when she called you in the middle of the night......telling you the condom broke......she took the risk - wanted to be a big girl and sleep with him.......it's now HER problem........NOT yours!

My ex betrayed me as well. He left the relationship stating he didn't love me anymore, but I knew better and so did he. - He left me for a welfare whore - slept with her quite regularly. - for nearly a year. - He then LIED he was even with her in that way, - said they were just merely good friends, but I knew the truth in the end, as mutual friends confirmed it.

It haunted me for a long long time. Later on, after I moved on with my life - got involved within my community, joined a bowling league, a book club, and now volunteer at a museum and a hospital, he tried to come crawling back. - He figured out she wasn't so great after all. Needless to say, I had a f*cking field day with that!!!!!

Yes, for a time, it did kill my own self esteem, confidence, and self worth - just like you. But in time, I realized I didn't need him, much less want him. I could make it on my own. And so can you.

NO CONTACT WITH YOUR EX. NO PHONE CALLS, NO EMAILS, TEXTS, NOTHING!!! She can have this scum. YOU deserve BETTER than her!!!!!

Remember, if her new flame keeps haunting you, he wins. And if she keeps rubbing the salt in the wounds she wins as well.

Take some time to heal, diffuse from the situation, and focus on what you truly want. Get involved in your commuity........join a league, a club, and volunteer somewhere. It will give you something positive and constructive to do and get you out of the house for a bit and yes, you will meet some amazing new friends. - trust me on that. It will be the best medicine for you.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
I saw my ex's new woman/I don't know what I feel
Posted: 11/15/2009 5:35:45 PM
I saw my ex's new woman, and I didn't really care. He can have her.....oh wait.....it didn't work out for him and he tried to come crawling back.

Don't worry about it, and never let them see you sweat......as far as him telling you he won't marry you until you are at least a size 14.......well.......if he can't see you for the gorgeous, beautiful person you are on the inside, well tell him to go f*ck himself.

Good for you for telling him it's over after a 24 year on/off again deal......Hopefully, you have learned your lesson on that.....never ever break up with someone more than once. Why??? because of what you went through with the on/off again shit. You deserve better than that type of torture, abuse, and instability.

You are definitely NOT inferior. I know you feel as such, but now you need to get up on your feet, cry, scream, and stomp around if you need to, - after all he was in your life for 24 years. - you have a right to your feelings and if you need to cry, then so be it.

For now, you need to focus on yourself. Get out there, take on new interests, new hobbies, join a sporting league - hey, I myself am a BBW and did sand volleyball for a couple of summers and joined a ladies bowling league - have been on that for 5 years now and absolutely LOVE it. Join a club - I joined a book club and love that, too. I also volunteer at a museum and a hospital. - Lord knows we can all use another pair of hands to help - you seem like a sweet, caring, and good hearted person.

- Why am I advising you to do all these things??? Because it will be the very best medicine for you. I know......I did all these things......it not only gave me something positive and constructive to look forward to, but it also got me out of the house for a bit and yes, I made the most amazing friends. We get together a lot outside of our "activities" - for dinner and get - togethers. They have become such a good support system for me, I don't know what I would have done without them when I was having such a hard time.

Besides, there was yet another reason why I did all these things.....when my ex tried to come crawling back, like I am sure yours will at some point - afterall, for you it was a 24 year romance - you will just be too damn busy to accomodate him.

The best thing for you at this point is NO CONTACT! Do NOT drive him anywhere, take his calls, texts. NO CONTACT! Better yet, change your number, make sure you block his emails and if he comes to your door, tell him to leave....if he doens't willingly, then have him removed by law enforcement.

How about going to school? Do you want to finish up a degree or certificate you have been working on? Do you want a better job or a better life? Are there things you want to do but haven't?? Like travel, for instance? Do you have some changes you wish to make in your life? Well, you are now free from your ex so you can use all your energy to just go for it.

Besides, you don't need to be measured up by someone else's proverbial ruler. YOU can measure your own self up. YOU are you own person. YOU do NOT need a man or anyone else to validate you. YOU are a wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous, and talented person.

You deserve someone who will be in your life to encourage you, be there for you, and love you for who and what you are. - Because your ex didn't.

Now go and paste THAT on your bathroom mirror and read it every single day.

I can't give you a hug, so I will leave you with these guys.......

 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 96 (view)
 
horror movies = red flag?
Posted: 11/15/2009 3:22:31 PM
I personally got SO SICK of having to watch that crap night after night after night that I am burned out of watching it. Cop Shows, horror flicks, westerns, so called "action movies" - you name anything violent, he HAD to watch it. - Nevermind the fact there were things on TV I personally wanted to watch.

- Its all he ever did - sit around and watch this shit on TV......I couldn't get him to do anything....nothing around the house...go out...family stuff....Finally, I just had enough and told him if he was going to live in our house, he is going to get off his ass and help out, or he will live elsewhere. I know he worked long, hard hours, but so did I and I just got sick and tired of being stuck doing everything around the house.

I had to tape what I wanted to watch later on.......and guess what??? After getting out of a 14 year relationship and being on my own for 4, I am STILL going through the catalogue of stuff I taped over the years.

So for me personally, if I met someone whose life ambition is to sit around and constantly watch that shit, I will be out the door so fast it will make your head spin.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 141 (view)
 
I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE?
Posted: 11/15/2009 3:10:03 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Pooh, yes, you are right. I remember seeing her posts with the platonic guy who became a boyfriend, right along with the ex's new wife acting the same.

OP is a huge drama queen. She spews all the trash on these forums THEN has the UNBELIEVABLE NERVE to insult a certain group of people, tell us WE are hateful and spiteful, because we not only call her out on it but also tell it like it is. Hence when we don't tell her what she wants to hear, we are all such horrible folks.

THEN she tells us how WE need to get a life and how she supposedly dates all these men who are throwing themselves at her feet. - then she gets dumped and whines about it on all the forums.

Don't worry.....she'll be back with another episode of D R A M A.

 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 138 (view)
 
I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE?
Posted: 11/15/2009 10:05:22 AM

and decided to take you at your word that this is what you want, since there are those other guys.......


Yes, the OP is in SUCH demand, that she couldn't possibly be settling down with one good man - that is if one were to turn up, - but is rather a serial dater..........and she lets everyone on here KNOW she is a serial dater complete with all kinds of drama to keep things interesting. I am sure they are all now lining up for dates now!!!!





Sorry, I just couldn't help myself.....had to take a stick and poke it at the fire that keeps on burning!

hence my screen name......renegadeoutlaw.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
How to get back out there.
Posted: 11/15/2009 9:27:17 AM
Unfortunately in our "couples oriented society" where the world seems to move two by two, it can be a struggle for those of us who happen to be single.

Heading off to the bar in quest of getting loaded and laid is not going to help, but rather, make things more clouded for you.

You need to take some time for you. Forget her. You walked out the door and said you are through, so you are. There is no going back. You left on your own volition and your own choice.

So now you are lonely and don't know what to do with yourself. Well, you can join a sporting league, take on a new hobby or interest, join a club, or even volunteer somewhere. - Lord knows we can use another pair of hands to help. In doing all this, you will meet some new people who will become friends, and eventually a good circle of support for yourself. - NOTICE I did NOT say a new flame. You need to have something positive and constructive to do, and get out of the house for a bit. Yes, it will be awkward at first....but in time, it will become second nature for you and it will become something you will look forward to. Trust me, I know. It has been the best medicine for me.

I not only get to see my newfound friends at the clubs and places I volunteer, but we also go 'off the record' and go to dinner or coffee together. - and have a lot of fun!

You will also need to take some time for you. Focus on yourself and what you truly want for your own life at this point. Take a break from dating and relationships for a bit, as you need to diffuse from this relationship you were in.

How about going to school?? You are only 21 years old. Finish up that degree or certificate, get yourself established, your career going, and THEN worry about finding someone special.

You need to take care of you. I know it's tough, but you can do it. You just need a place to start with your new life being on your own.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 136 (view)
 
I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE?
Posted: 11/15/2009 7:14:14 AM

I've been on POF over 3 years and have dated a lot! By sheer numbers alone, that puts me at risk of having more bad experiences or interesting, thought provoking situations than maybe someone who hasn't dated as many people.........


So is that something to brag about??? Dating a lot??? Doesn't sound to me like you are too choosy about who and what you go out with. Are you a famous public figure that everyone throwd themselves at and we don't know it???? You make yourself out to be like some big rock star just because you hit the bars and clubs every night.


I apologized twice for my statement about certain people misrepresenting their appearances on here, and will say again, it was meant as a joke and it is no secret that that particular issue is a huge problem for both men and women in the world of internet dating, so maybe those of you who are taking such offense may be having a hard time because the statement hits too close to home possibly?


For some of us men AND women who are heavier, it was by NO means taken as a joke....Not all of us can be blond-haired, blue-eyed rail thin individuals. We are all different and that makes the world go around. There is a whole lot more to an individual than how they look. Some of us have advanced college degrees, enough letters behind our names to start our own alphabet, good jobs, and do what we can to help our communities and friends.

Never, ever judge a book by its cover or you may be missing out one of the best stories of your life. Do you have a friend in your life who is heavy? Does this individual do what they can to at least stay stable? We ALL have things about us we don't like whether its our weight, a character flaw, etc. My take on it, is if you are willing to at least TRY to change that each and everyday, then I don't have a problem with it. But if you are just going to sit around and b*tch and complain and moan and groan about and do nothing then I have a problem.

Yes, it IS true that many do misrepresent themselves and it is a problem, but in one of your earlier posts, you made it sound like it was a problem exclusively for women. Men are just as guilty of it.

- Yes OP, you may be an attractive, pretty package on the outside, but you sure a very very ugly high maintenance package on the inside. - which is a huge turn off for a lot of men out here - on AND offline. I am sure that men quite literally throw themselves at you - at first - THEN they find out what you are really all about, then they start looking elsewhere, then you come on here b*tching and whining you were dumped.

OP, you remind of a woman I played sand volleyball with one summer. - She was the KellyRipa look-a-like. Blonde, pretty, trim, cute figure, wore short shorts and very low scooped out tank tops. Whenever she set foot on court, the guys would quite literally trip over and make total ASSES of themselves just vying for her attention. Later on the in the summer, I noticed that about half the guys weren't even talking to her. I was talking with a very good friend of mine I met on the league and casually asked him what the deal was with this person. He shared that the faction of the guys who weren't talking with her had already taken her out and yes, he was one of them.

He originally planned on dinner, a show, and after show coffee/dessert. He took her to a nice restaurant in the historic district and she acted like a total b*tch through dinner. - Complained about everything....the place he took her to, her life, her job, her love life - or lack therof, her family, her friends and the laundry list went on and on. So after dinner they took a stroll around the area in which they had dinner, then he cut the evening short, saying he got paged into work early the next morning and took her home. - Needless to say, he didn't take her out again.

He told me that he looked 10 - 20 years down the road envisioning a life with her and what types of conversations he would have with her after a long day of work over the dinner table:

him: hi hon, how was your day?
her: just horrible....I broke a nail.

Basically, the moral of the story here is sure, she may have been very pretty on the outside, but on the inside......there wasn't anything there, but a high maintenance self centered, self focused, socially inept individual with low self esteem.

OP, You are just like that person I played volleyball with. You come on here in one breath saying you are a wonderful single mom with God in your life, then in another you insult a group of folks who did NOTHING to you. Then you start bragging about how you date a lot......It seems to me you have NO substance underneath your attractive exterior.


I have a life filled with wonderful, long term friends that affirm me on a regular basis, I couldn't care less what a bunch of people who are simply looking for something to be hateful about think of me!


You must have very very low self esteem and self worth if you need a bunch of friends to affirm you on a daily basis. - Affirmation comes from within. You need to be able to positively affirm yourself. - You don't need a bunch of friends for that. -

If you feel this way, why are you on here?? Are you looking for affirmation from all of us????? You dug your own grave here, offended many people on here - men AND women and now you are looking for affirmation and since we aren't giving it to you, you call US hateful and spiteful???? You really and truly need a reality check.

It kind of makes me wonder what your "long term friends" are really like......are they just as self centered, self focused, and vain as you?


I don't need to and wont defend my character to anyone, much less this small group of miserable individuals who have turned this into a character assasignation. I have no time, energy or tolerance for this non-sense, so this will be my final response on this thread. I got the answers I was looking for from the legitimate posters who actually have a life and are just looking to participate in a forum, and further discovered that the man in question was in fact asking out other women on this site, after HE ASKED ME multiple times to please be exclusive

I truly regret that there are those of you who are so caught up in your hatefulness that you literally destroy the value of these forums. Great job!! Get a life!


Well again, you know that candy, hearts, and flowers don't fly on here in the forums. You knew that all along so why did you open yourself up to that by making a huge potshot on here? YOU assasinated the character of heavier, older people -and in particular, women. - and now you are whining, slamming doors, and screaming that you are now being picked on. You dug your own grave with that totally on your own and WE callled YOU out on that.

Again, maybe you need to remove your account and get the heck off here. I stand by my own statement.....the online dating pond and these forums are NOT for the faint of heart such as yourself. So maybe you need to go back to the bars and clubs and back away from the keyboard. The internet is definitely NOT for children.

See ya!!!! Buh Byeeeee!!!!!!!
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 124 (view)
 
I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE?
Posted: 11/14/2009 3:42:31 PM

Does anyone else rememeber how she wanted to date her primary care physician?????


(see MidlandTom - message 126)

hmmmm interesting!

It just keeps getting better and more and more twisted! explanations anyone?
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 108 (view)
 
I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE?
Posted: 11/14/2009 1:50:16 PM
OP, we don't have a problem with you venting a bit......we all do at times.........

BUT.......it seems you have offended quite a few people here with your remarks about ageism and weight. - and didn't bother apologizing about it until you were called out on it.

YOU started all the hostility by calling some of the women on here old, fat chicks looking for a free meal.......look at your original post! You pissed a lot of people off here and yes, turned some off the guys off as well. You don't seem to see that and deserve what you have coming in regards to that. YOU were the one being hateful about it. WE were the ones who pointed it out, but since we did, WE are now the hateful ones???? I don't think so.

You seem to thrive on constant drama in your life. - I have taken a look at your posting history and it's full of that......dealing with your ex and his wife and new family to dating to whatever else has your equilibrium thrown......is living with the constant drama fun?? I can't seem to see the fun in that. If there is, please enlighten me.

You seem to have some very serious anger management/control, self esteem/worth and reality issues. Yes, we all get angry and vent on here, but when you make some serious offensive remarks like you did, you can't expect hearts and flowers to fly on here in return. - You just don't seem to get the reality of that.

Maybe you need to step away from the keyboard and try another medium of dating. - Remember, the online dating pond isn't exactly for the faint of heart......and neither are the forums.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 101 (view)
 
I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE?
Posted: 11/14/2009 12:50:07 PM

For everyone who wanted to call me all sorts of vile things when I was feeling something was wrong.......


And you didn't make any degrading statements about older and heavier people??? You only apologized (and a lame one at that) when you got called out on it.

Check your original message.



He emailed me last night to say he couldn't go out tonight (with a big excuse) but soooooo sorry, and how he misses me and can't wait to see me again, same as last night, and today he emailed a girlfriend of mine and told her how beautiful she is andd asked her out for a date tonight! SOOOOOO, am I still over-reacting and being a jealous tart here? Just curious.......


Since you are making such a huge deal of it, yes, you are not only acting as a jealous tart, but also like an ass.

Basically, you have found out he isn't into you and now you are pizzed off about it. He decided you weren't the be all end all and can't man up and find a way to let you know that.

So let it go, quit stomping around, slamming doors, crying, whining, and b*tching about it, and move on with your life.

People are like freeway exits......another will be along in about 10 minutes.

But personally, I still think you need to take some time off from dating and do some serious self reflection.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 221 (view)
 
WHAT'S THE WORST DATE YOU HAD ON POF
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:10:35 AM

Im surrounded by christian crazies and overweight people galore. Their excuse seems to always be a thyroid related problem or the fact that southern food is "too good", bleh. I hate the south. I always have.



I live in the Midwest and yes, we have our fair share of crazy people around here too!You just have to sort out the wheat from the chaff.

As far as being overweight......well.......yes I am but I DO TRY to make an effort to eat healthy, and take a walk each morning before I head off to work. - and yes, it is TRULY due to genetics AND yes a THYROID issue. - confirmed by my doctor!

I don't have a problem with someone who is overweight as long as they are TRYING to make an effort to do something......whether it be trying to eat healthier, exercise a bit - take a walk or attend a fitness class - stretching, light cardio, etc. More often than not, a little stability is good!

But if you are just b*tching about it, sitting on the couch all day long eating chip and dip and drinking beer all the time......well, then no.

But failing that........my worst date........well, I met someone on this site - we had a tons in common........we at one time lived in the same small town, knew many of the same people, had the same interests and hobbies. etc........we finally decide to meet after about 3 months of talking on the phone. - we even traded pics via cell phone.

We met for dinner at a nice place. - since I live out in the country, yes I drove about 45 minutes to get there. he shows up about 15 minutes late - no big deal......okay fine - he was running a bit late and all throughout dinner he kept saying how much I reminded him of his ex wife......looks, mannerism, etc.

Finally, I got through dinner, he walked me to my car and kept marveling how much I reminded him of his ex wife who cheated on him, got pregnant with another man's child, etc etc. blah blah blah.......

He then asked if he could call me and if we could get together again...... I then told him he would be better off with his ex wife and to call her.

Needless to say, I hightailed it out of there and never took another call from him - although he left several messages after that date wanting to get together again.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 17 (view)
 
The Ex
Posted: 11/14/2009 5:39:09 AM
OP.......what can I say?????

He won't change......he is unemployed, watching TV/sleeping all day long, a drug addict and SAYS he has changed?????????????

The reality of it all is he HASN'T and he WON'T!!!!!

Whenwillthiswork26 hit the nail on the head with her post, along with Ron9.

Trust us when we say that you will have a baby very soon. Do you want one (your daughter) or two (your ex husband)??? - because that is exactly what you will get if you allow him back into your life.

Do you really want to expose your new baby to his sh*t????? You can do it on your own without him. Ditch this loser and live your life and enjoy your new baby.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 84 (view)
 
I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE?
Posted: 11/14/2009 5:03:41 AM
loneharanger (see message 68)

You are SO right!!!!!




why are you not taking responsibility for the choices YOU made in this situation? Now of course playing the victim is always optional... but rarely optimal. It's time to stop being angry about what he's allegedly done to you and focus on being compassionate with yourself for your part in this. Like the rest of us, you have made relationship decisions based on the information you had available to you at the time. That's all ANY of us get.

And yes, sometimes our decisions turn out to impact our lives in ways we didn't anticipate when we first made the choice but you know what? Nobody gets any guarantees here, honey... not in this life, not on POF, and not in the real world.


YES!!! that is why we call it "dating". Nothing is certain, no guarantees. If you can't handle it, then back away from the keyboard.



>Mature adults learn NOT to blame other people for our actions... because, well... saying "yes" to one thing (whether it be our choice of a partner, a job, a home, etc.) usually necessitates saying "no" to a whole bunch of other options. That's just the reality of dating... and of life. Now it's time to pick up the pieces of your shattered life and move on.

Gawd, what's your next rant for when things don't turn out your way... you going to stomp into your room, slam the door and yell at us, your parents, or anyone else in the world who'll listen that everyone on the internet is just a big, old meanie and we're not being fair and you didn't ask to be born?


Yes, you are supposedly an adult, but you sure aren't acting like one. Take some responsibility, quit whining, quite blaming everyone else, and move on with your life.

- and while you are at it, shit can the Drama! It makes you not only look very stupid, but unattractive and 'not dateable' as well.




She's still hot at least, even if she may be not a very nice person... Haha!

Talk about a message backfiring on the person that wrote it!

I bet she's now regretting ever writing that message in the first place and clicking "Post"...

This is a sad day for me as I HAD a crush on the OP.

Not so much anymore. I am actually a little disturbed by this post and some of her comments. The main one was the degrading remarks about the other women on here.


See messages 69 and 70 respectively.....(snotsure and brandnew sin).......It just goes to show how someone can be a cute, pretty attractive package on the outside, but be very very ugly on the inside which makes them very UNattractive and definitely NOT cute. OP maybe you need to take some time out from the dating pond for some serious self reflection and think about these things.

 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
being ignored
Posted: 11/13/2009 6:47:19 PM
Whenever I have a disagreement with someone, I just ask for a few quiet moments so i can sit back, think, and reflect - I know enough about myself to know I am not always right, nor am I perfect!

Many times sitting back helps me gain a new perspective...........
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Possible for a man to love two women at once?
Posted: 11/13/2009 6:41:29 PM
Yet ANOTHER good reason why I refuse to date a married man!

Tune in next time for yet another episode of Dating with Drama!

Personally OP, I think you are being played big time! Run, run, run like hell and stay away from the married men! Do yourself a favor.......it is a road to no where.

I know this is long, but I found this a long time ago on another site. - I just can't remember which one so I can't give the source and citations.......but here it is.

If I had to get on my knees to beg you not to do one thing in your life it would be this - dating a married person. In the USA 44% of married men have an extramarital affair and 32% of married women follow suit. In the USA almost 50% of all marriages fail. In the UK that figure is around 33%. So from square one, marriage requires one's utmost attention to sustain it. Messing about with a third party is not going to help. Speaking from experience, having an affair with a married person is the single most stupid thing you will ever do. Period. If you want to lose all the dignity you ever had, lose your self-worth and wreck people's lives on top of your own then please go ahead.

I will be brutal here; You are stupid if you do. Affairs with married people often happen due to purely selfish desire and due to sheer boredom and it will hurt you. You will not come out of it well. An opportunity is presented to you and you are too greedy to say no. Sex with a married person is dramatic, open, stimulating and very exciting. For the married person it is all these things plus a release from the mundane situation they find themselves in; a release from the boring sex and drudgery of daily life. And none of it will last.

The problem with dating a married person when you are single is that you remain single throughout the affair. You are not a couple so don't fool yourself. Sure you may act like a couple when you are together, but you aren't. In the very beginning you will see quite a lot of your new lover. Secret dates will be established and the excitement will make you feel alive. But as soon as the guilt sets in for your married lover, excuses will develop and you will be kept hanging on, but ever available just in case they can make it. It is a subtle process and by the time you realize, it's often too late to save your heart.

Oh yes, you will never be without a phone on the off chance that your lover will call. They want to see you but you must be understanding that its not easy for them. Indeed you will be praised for just how understanding you are. You have just become a saint and a martyr. In the meantime they will be tucked up in bed with their other half trying to fix things. They won't tell you that of course, because they don't want to hurt you. You will have to endure endless months of discussing what it will be like when you are together (which you probably never will) and you will face comparisons with their spouse at every turn, even if they never vocalize it.

You will be expected to be available just in case because one can never tell when your crutch-like strength will be required and you will be thankful for any small morsel of time you are given. They will insist that the evening you had a week last Tuesday was a great deal for them to arrange so be grateful and that you should just hang on for them if you love them. And so it goes on, month after month. Of course the key thing that makes your affair different from everyone else's is that it is 'different'. Your passion and love is almost unique and you know they are in a terrible marriage and they made a mistake and you will be perfect together. In other words, you will make excuses whenever possible to justify the situation - just a little more time and things will be fantastic.

No one else can possibly understand what you both are going through and so you will withdraw from some of your friends. Partly because they strongly disapprove of what you are doing. Your weekends will be wasted as will vacations because whilst you are alone waiting at home for the phone to ring, they will be at social functions and parties and all kinds of domestic events that you would die to have but are never afforded the opportunity of having. You trust your lover implicitly. After all you are in this together. The thing is your entire relationship is already founded on deceit. And if they can do it to their husband or wife they can also do it to you. And they will.

Eventually!

You see, if your lover was going to leave their partner they would have to leave for themselves and not for you. If they are going to do it for themselves it will be much sooner rather than later. If they haven't become single within 12 weeks they probably never will. They must leave not for you but for their own reasons. If they leave for you, you will be held silently accountable in future every time life is not perfect. And for all you know, they may always be looking backwards with a half-glance and all that they left behind.

If children are involved in the marriage then although you may not be able to fix their marriage, you are contributing to destroy it and with it, the children's stability. Walk away as fast as possible in the opposite direction and keep walking. Never fool yourself here, dating a married person is a complete waste of time in 99% of cases. A very few do make it through but almost all don't. You will have absolutely no idea as to what your married lover is going through and you will be nothing more than light relief to something far more serious.

You will lose self respect because you are sharing your lover, you are falling in love with someone you cannot have, you are second best most of the time and you will be extremely lonely. Most of the evenings will not be with your loved one so your relationship cannot grow, much of what you do will be based around sex not love. Your relationship will be extremely intense but will be sporadic and unfulfilling. As a woman you will be made to feel cheap and may even fall pregnant in which case your situation has just become highly complex.

The thing I cannot stress enough is how much you will be lied to. The person you love will be telling you lies almost constantly. It is not that they are essentially bad, it is that they will over time get used to lying to spare feelings whilst protecting themselves. And do remember that in the midst of such emotional turmoil, they will have no option but to start considering only themselves. In the end they will find lying to everyone second nature, even though it may be cutting them up emotionally. A married lover simply wants to sit on the fence and never make a decision. They want you to decide for them which of course you cannot. You could demand that they leave their partner for you once and for all, but in doing so you are now standing in the firing line.

Finally, they will see you as part of the turmoil of their life and they will ditch you, just like their spouse. You get tarnished with the same brush. That's how it works.
The simple question I will ask is that if you really do value yourself and understand yourself and if you truly believe that there are some truly great single people out there, why would you waste your life on dating a married person. For all these words, people will continue to learn from their own mistakes and in doing so pass on their valuable lessons to others. But for the sake of some short term passionate sex, you truly could be risking everything. Let us hope that you have the wisdom to walk away and not look back.

If you really want to remind yourself of what life and love is about, watch the video to the song by Air called All I Need. The girl sums it up perfectly in the first 60 seconds. You won't find it in an affair.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 36 (view)
 
I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE?
Posted: 11/13/2009 5:33:11 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^sin (see message 37)




As the world of POF turns...






OP, I guess we pretty much told you want you don't want to hear and pointed some things out to you and now you stomp off and say we are not only old, fat, but also hateful..........I am sure you must be one hell of a catch for some poor soul on here........

Think I too, will take my old fat self off here for a bit and join the others for a good potluck dinner..........
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 33 (view)
 
I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE?
Posted: 11/13/2009 5:18:29 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


I'm going to take my old fat self out of this thread and make myself a meal.


Amen to that, breath!

Good one!! You make the main course and I'll bring the salad and dessert! Anyone else want to join us????
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 28 (view)
 
I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE?
Posted: 11/13/2009 5:04:51 PM
put me through the torment of rearranging my other friendships in the meantime!!!!!


What exactly does that mean???

Are you saying you dump your friends when you think you have a significant other in your life???

That is the epitome of pathetic!

Men come and go, but your friends and family will be there for you for a whole lifetime.

I hate to say it OP, but you sure seem to have an awful lot of drama in your life.......Can you say.......D R A M A Q U E E N ? ? ?
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 528 (view)
 
Do men realy think that blonds are more attractive?
Posted: 11/12/2009 6:34:10 PM

The dumbest blonde acting woman I ever met was a brunette.....


are you sure she wasn't a "bottle brunette"?????????
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 526 (view)
 
Do men realy think that blonds are more attractive?
Posted: 11/12/2009 5:57:52 PM

Maybe it's cuz guys think blondes are ditzy and easy........


( see message 10)

and I'll add not to mention that some are dumb as hell!

I can't imagine why anyone would want to date someone who has the intelligence of a doorknob!

Is it any wonder why those of us who actually have a brain and some education are constantly passed over.

It totally blows my mind.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 1:36:28 PM
You are a single mom barely making ends meet and you invite this leech to live with you?????

I don't understand why people do these types of things! - especially at the expense of themselves AND their kids!

I guess it's better to be in a relationship with a freeloader than be alone???? I dunno.....I would rather be alone......I had a freeloader at one time and it did NOT take long for me to kick him to the curb! Like clockwork, he found some other poor soul to leech off of.

I would kick him to the curb and don't look back!
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Should I Call The Ex?
Posted: 11/12/2009 5:23:28 AM

About a month ago me and my girlfriend, of 8 months, broke up. She came to the conclusion that I stress her out, after having a weekend where we did not talk. Admittedly we had begun fighting a lot prior to that. The relationship became long distance and then we started fighting over small silly things. Anyways, within the week she had begun seeing her ex-fiance. He is a douchebag. Prior to us, they were engaged and living together. He came home one day saying she had 3 days to move out, because he was seeing someone else for several months and they were in love. He affected her in many negative ways, the most drastic being the debt she accumulated from paying for all his ****.



Well......what can I say? She walked out the door and said she was finished, so she is. She went back to her douchebag ex. I'd bet dimes to donuts what will happen here.........Her and her "wonderful" ex will have a huge fight and she'll try to come crawling back to you.......... - and that is when you tell her that she made her bed, now she can lie in it........without you.


We were originally going to talk the weekend after the breakup, but I canceled because I saw no point in beating myself up. After that I wrote her one letter saying I accept the decision she made. I did not grovel or beg at all, though I admit I did kind of lose it on the initial breakup call (crying wuss ****).Well, I was wondering what the community thought of me calling her now or within a few months? Should I just not call at all? I had originally said I would call her mid-November, but have kept pushing that date further. I have been very good about not contacting her. She was removed from my phone, address book, and social accounts.


Well.....you were hurt......she ended a good thing with you. So I don't blame you for shedding a few tears over it. It hurts like hell.

But again, you were right in pushing the date "to talk" back. - Keep pushing it back. You wrote her a letter stating you accepted her decision to leave so just leave it at that. Don't leave any openings for her to contact you and don't you contact her. - she seems pretty happy in her new life with her ex so let her be.


I know she cared deeply about me, and even told me I was the best boyfriend she had ever had. I am pretty confident that it was a truthful and legitimate statement at the time. However, I have typically never called old flames back. I had what I called the "3 month" rule, where in 3 months they would call me. It seemed to happen over 50% of the time. I dunno if she would be the one to initiate that call, though. She is stubborn and I remember one time I even told her my little rule. So she could just not do it to spite me. Anyways, I am rambling and being silly. I am torn between logic. Should I place a friendly call and if I don't will she just think I no longer care? Should I no longer care?


Since you have the rule of NOT calling and she has not called you, don't even bother with it.

I think a part of you will always care, but you don't have to be in any contact with her. I myself have had a couple of relationships that didn't work out in the ultimate end, and I have no contact with them, but it doesn't mean I don't care or wonder how they are doing from time to time, but I certainly don't want to pick up the phone and stir up the old stuff. Or open up healed wounds.

So, I think you are right in not contacting her and leaving her off your phone, address book, and other social accounts. Leave it that way. Move on with your life and let her be.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
To pursue or not to pursue…
Posted: 11/12/2009 4:58:03 AM
Oh God!!! Another on here "trying to find themselves or trying follow their heart........."

I see one more posting like this I think I'll just scream!!!

OP, leave her alone and let her go. Save yourself a LOT of grief, walk away, and DON'T HAVE ANY CONTACT.

Why do I say this??? Let's just say you get together with her.......and it gets well, for lack of a better term.....serious........within six months she'll be out the back door claiming she'll need to "find herself and follow her heart". Trust me, I have seen this happen a LOT! -the forums are FULL OF THAT on here. - take some time to read them and you'll see the patterns of that crap.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
too fast, too soon!
Posted: 11/11/2009 6:16:17 PM
If you have ANY doubts in your mind......then don't do anything.

If you feel fearful that she is wishing to marry you to rescue her, then walk away while you can.

Her bashing your lake home with insults is a clear sign she is very jealous of what you have worked so hard for. She is also keeping secrets from you in regards to her financial (ir)responsibility.

Forget the plane tickets.......and keep going to counseling and forget her. - Especially NOW since her ex is in the picture and is leading her around like a pet poodle on a jeweled leash.......Do you really and truly want that type of drama???? Somehow in spite of all this, I think you have a pretty good head on your shoulders and think you know the answer to all your questions............

Runnnnnn Forrest, Runnnnnnn!!!!!!!
 
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