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 Author Thread: How Much Should I Disclose?
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 38 (view)
 
How Much Should I Disclose?
Posted: 11/23/2009 8:03:52 AM
Tell her to put on her big girl panties and talk to him herself.
She may be young, but she doesn't have to behave like a silly school girl.

She can scribble her ph #, email address on paper and either give it to D, or ask you to give it to him, the ball then being in D's court and your invlovement minimal.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
when someone of age hasnt had a relationship
Posted: 11/23/2009 7:57:36 AM
If a person "of age" has not had any relationships, I would wonder about their social skills and ability to build and maintain intimacy in (not merely physical) relationships.

As far as talking about past relationships, to some extent it is fair game. I'm not talking about brief connections or revealing intimate details, dirty laundry or bashing, but what one has learned from them.
How/if one can own up to their own mistakes/shortcomings. Nothing says these revelations need to be shared immediately, but in building trust (key componenent in intimacy- into me see), one's past has to be part of the dialogue.

From wikipedia:
"Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity."

And that brings me full circle to my opening statement.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 75 (view)
 
stood up on my first date.
Posted: 11/22/2009 3:58:37 PM
When I was fishing, if a date was arranged, my back-up plan was always to take myself out--watch the movie anyway, order at least a drink and an appetizer or whatever. That way if the gentleman hadn't shown up (can't say I've had it happen), I was not going to let it spoil my outing.
Heck, dressed up to be on a date...maybe fate steps in and you meet somebody.

In other words, if I'd been dealt lemons, I had sugar to make lemonade.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 123 (view)
 
Are our musical tastes set by age 25?
Posted: 11/22/2009 3:24:08 PM
For me, my taste in music broadened and continues to do so. I was influenced by the social networks around me. An open mind allows for a true sense of music appreciation.

My mp3 collection is genre diverse. This will allow me to make playlists to reflect an era or set a mood.

Sometimes I hear a jingle, the most recent example being an ad for an investment or insurance company. I searched the internet and came up with a song called "Worries" by Langhorne Slim. Never heard of it or him.
Google, youtube and limewire are my friends. From hearing the tune and a few words, in less than 5 min., I had it added to my library.
The shows Morning Joe and Cold Case are examples of having discovered music that became a must have for my library.

To answer the question, it depends on the person.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 101 (view)
 
I have zero experience with older men.
Posted: 11/22/2009 6:47:35 AM
The gentleman in question did not, as far as we know, indicate that he has an ED problem. Why jump to that conclusion?

Seems to me, OP is creating more stress than necessary here.

Be real. Be kind. Be appropriately enthusiastic. Be encouraging. Relax, enjoy.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Communication issues
Posted: 11/22/2009 6:32:07 AM
Is it really a communication problem or a level of trust issue?
Personally, as the level of trust deepens, the communication/willingness to open up
follows suit.
Getting hurt is part of the risk we take. If you are afraid to fall, stay off the ice.

 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 105 (view)
 
Men and self esteem
Posted: 11/21/2009 7:41:56 AM

We need to teach our kids respect for men and women and lead by our example - role model


Like I said:


Children learn what they live.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Realizing ALOT!
Posted: 11/21/2009 7:39:31 AM

Then I end up compromising myself and my beliefs, which always means I get hurt in the end.


There's your problem.
Apparently it's not working for you.
Don't compromise yourself by compromising your values.

Next.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Internet daters: are we damaging our social skills?
Posted: 11/21/2009 7:35:57 AM
You don't "date" on the internet, you use the internet to cast a net to find somebody that may be dating material.

Important distinction.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 68 (view)
 
People, why against the rocking chair on the porch?
Posted: 11/20/2009 1:27:08 PM
Ever rock a baby? That's the calm, peace and safety I was capturing.
No conventions, protocols or facades involved.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 85 (view)
 
I have zero experience with older men.
Posted: 11/20/2009 1:08:40 PM
I think what he's trying to tell you is not to expect multiple destinations to be on the itinerary for the journey, expect the journey to be the focus before reaching the destination ultimately.

Simply put it means quality over quantity for the skilled, mature lover.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 66 (view)
 
People, why against the rocking chair on the porch?
Posted: 11/20/2009 1:00:37 PM
Metaphorically, it connotes a disengagement from life and activities that make life meaningful, a sense of being done just waiting for the dirt nap.

Literally, some of the best talks my son and I had were while one of us was sitting in the rocking chair on the porch. Maybe because the motion of rocking has a calming influence and conjures a feeling of safety, peacefulness, if only for a moment in time.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Does this ring true for anyone?
Posted: 11/20/2009 11:32:07 AM
In that it takes two, if either individual is not in the right emotional/psychological place to be in a relationship with all that a meaningful, solid relationship entails, then it may not be embraced and pursued at that place in time.

Without going into detail, when I met my bf, it was a place in time that we were both needing to grow spiritually and come to terms with the aftermath of our respective pasts. What shined through during this time of us both being broken winged sparrows, was the standing out of core values we both shared and valued.

It was these core values, mutual commonalities, and basic attraction that kept us both from walking away. Depression, unemployment, age gap, attraction to another person were a few of the obstacles we crawled through and past.

He said many times that we were like two drunks stumbling along trying to hold each other up teetering on the edge of a ditch, both of us considering that to be a good reason to part ways until I told him:
Maybe we could look at it as we are both broken winged sparrows flying together on the strength of our good wings. Imagine how far we can fly once the broken wings heal.
It was like a light being turned on instead of off from that moment on.

The point being is it has been a complicated relationship, but we both saw something very right in one another and decided walk forward towards the potential of a relationship that will endure, instead of allowing the two drunks metaphor to be the reason to be done.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Men and self esteem
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:28:13 AM
The result of poor self esteem, self image and values rests squarely on the shoulders of parents/guardians of children they raise.

If parents/guardians swallow the pablum that 5th avenue ad execs and Hollywood feed us about beauty, self-worth, what's important/hot (gotta have), then the cycle perpetuates.

Many, many celebrities come from less than advantaged backgrounds who credit organizations such as Boys (and Girls) Clubs, Big Brothers/Sisters and others for providing direct/hands on/face to face positive impact in their lives.
They had somebody in their life who thought it important to get assistance to fill voids and appropriate steerage for the minds, bodies and spirits they brought into this world.

Children learn what they live.
If their lives are filled with superficiality, uninvolvement in productive pursuits and unrealistic fantasies there is a parent/guardian who laid a poor foundation for the impressionable minds under their charge.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Why can't I just move on?
Posted: 11/19/2009 3:09:16 PM
There's a saying for people in recovery and it is a transferable concept:
Move a muscle, change a thought.
Get busy, distract yourself with activity. When your mind is focusing on other things, it becomes distracted from the negative, painful and self-destructive thoughts that are non-productive.
Time and refocus are key.
We are always hardest on ourselves girl.
Adopt a kinder position towards yourself...the world will kick you more than enough.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Confused by my hormones - having sex with boyfriend for first time
Posted: 11/19/2009 2:58:29 PM
OP-
Several things to comment on.
1) First and foremost, reliable birth control needs to be in place. Have you spoken to him about STD testing, in that, assuming, you are not his first?
Have the two of you decided to be exclusive?
If you are hesitant or embarrassed to address it, you are not ready for sex.
If he balks or refuses, well, draw your own conclusions here.
Not pressuring you is a good sign, it shows understanding and patience on his part.

2) From what you have stated, I think you are putting alot of stress on yourself over your inexperienced and unskilled performance. Stress is a huge hurdle to orgasming.
Sex is a natural act, there is plenty of information available on the internet.

3) This may very well relate to #2..."letting him have me" is not conducive to relaxing and enjoying. You did say that you are very attracted to him and that he drives you wild when you make out. That's a good start. Practice the manual stimulation, get his guidance. Again, if one can't communicate what their likes, preferences and where you draw the line, like mature adults, then one isn't ready to enagage in adult games.
As far as presenting a healthy attitude towards what sexual activities are acceptable, I told my son: What consenting adults agree upon behind closed doors is OK.
I wouldn't engage in oral until he presents clean results from STD tests.

4) You have to examine your attitude towards sex. In other words, does your upbringing and religious background cause allow you to be comfortable with the idea of having sexual relations given your situation?
Congrats on the weight loss, there are many of us who understand exactly where you are coming from as far as acceptance of our own bodies.

5) For a virgin, the first time should be relaxed, not rushed and reasonably gentle.
Foreplay, particularly for the woman is serious business, because that is what primes the pump, if you will. Explore, discover, communicate.
The best lovemaking is when both parties are enthusiastic about pleasing the other...mutual consideration and pleasure.
If your head is into it, then your body will follow.
It's about enjoying the journey, ultimately you get to the destination.

Hope this helps.
smiles--PW
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Complicated Girl Question
Posted: 11/17/2009 5:13:35 PM
I text as little as possible. I find it tedious and a very cumbersome means to communicate.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 35 (view)
 
No-one likes him except me
Posted: 11/17/2009 8:34:21 AM
*head left, sniff...sniff. Head right, sniff...sniff*

How does somebody who walked away from a "$30/hr" job (certainly not an entry level or low education position) and a comfortable lifestyle to pursue a whimsical sabbatical without having a reentry strategy?

We are catching a whiff of something that stinketh.
Sniff test results, overwhelmingly:
FAIL!

Before you shrug family, friends and forumites off, consider this:
Historically forumites cannot reach a consensus on how to hang a roll of toilet paper, put the lid up or down, if a man should pay for the coffee, if lack of cooking skills or a sibling becomes a dealbreaker.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 52 (view)
 
What's the difference between affectionate and clingy?
Posted: 11/16/2009 8:25:39 PM
Affectionate leaves one smiling as they catch their breath.
Clingy finds one desperately gasping for breath, resembling the subject in Munch's
" The Scream".
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 29 (view)
 
When is the time right?
Posted: 11/16/2009 8:07:45 PM
Try talking about these things with him.
If it were me, I'd want to know if he is interested in exclusivity and STD testing before
engaging in the "do it".
Put on some big girl pants to borrow the phrase from one of our regular and wise forumites.

I prepared my son at 13:
If you are not ready to talk about it, you're not ready to "do it".
Except, I had no problem using the word sex.

As far as being hurt...if you are afraid to fall down, stay off the ice.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 27 (view)
 
When is the time right?
Posted: 11/16/2009 7:50:48 PM
Try talking about these things with him.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 29 (view)
 
having a tough time. (could use alot of help.)
Posted: 11/16/2009 7:36:08 PM
??????????
Why would you get divorced in the first place if there is a possiblity of reconciliation? That's what separation and/or counseling is for.

I have a hunch that you are more interested in a reconciliation than he is.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Dating A Single Child
Posted: 11/16/2009 6:08:58 PM
I could care less, but, in my male friends, I do see the drawbacks of being an only child: They tend to be spoiled, self-centered and never learned how to play nice with other kids, because they had no siblings-!



...only children are almost as bad as 'youngest' children. If you didn't take a little chit while you were growing up you can't possible be an even-tempered, tolerant partner.


Rubbish and bollocks!
What was I saying earlier about preconceived notions?

To the poster of the former quote, I've been acquainted with men who were spoiled, ego-centric and skipped sandbox 101...most of them have siblings. I avoid these people as much as possible.

I don't know what school the poster of the latter quote went to, but only children don't get a free pass from childhood cruelty by classmates.
I see a whole lot of intolerance and anger issues in forums, and am betting that most of the offenders are NOT only children.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 31 (view)
 
I can't take this anymore!
Posted: 11/16/2009 5:44:00 PM
Google how to file for separation (and for divorce) in your county, state, province.
Knowledge is power.
Tap into the court clerks for information regarding procedure.
Seems to me that once somebody is served, they have a certain amount of time to respond. If they refuse, I believe it tips things in the other person's favor.

Try not to have any conversation with the to be ex...document, document, document any difficulties, roadblocks, uncooperative behavior on his part.


Breathe and keep the faith.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 82 (view)
 
Prove Me Wrong, PLEASE
Posted: 11/16/2009 5:19:14 PM
Over-thinking will only result in your reflecting on your life and wondering where it went.


Also known as:
Paralysis by analysis.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Dating A Single Child
Posted: 11/16/2009 5:31:04 AM
What a silly idea.
I know several people who had siblings but the sibling died. Technically they are not only children, but by circumstance they are the only surviving sibling.

I too, btw, am an only child. My sister died at birth.
My mom is not an only child, but her sister and children live in the country they were born, so I did not have extended family in my life as a child, practically speaking.

Life does not unfold to meet our preconceived notions.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
honest answer...
Posted: 11/16/2009 4:57:24 AM
Seems to me that you have a failure to communicate.
How else do you expect to be clear on the status of the relationship
and whether it has potential to be more than what it is?
If you are willing to open your legs, you should be willing to open
your mouth.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Prove Me Wrong, PLEASE
Posted: 11/15/2009 3:59:29 PM
Fun. Fun. Fun. Why have fun? While you're out having a good time so many people are dying.


Listen up grasshopper.
Leading a healthy life means understanding that there is a time for everything and everything in moderation (balance).

Life and death complete a circle, like ying and yang.
You have to experience/understand sorrow to truly appreciate joy.
Same goes for desperation and hope, hunger and being sated, fear and safety, etc.

My deceased father-in-law told me that every night before he went to sleep, he would (figuratively) put his problems and worries from the day in a bucket next to the bed. He would then tell God that he did the best he could with those burdens for the day, and that they were His while dad slept. In other words, he never lost sleep over things, because very often troubles either didn't seem to carry the same weight refreshed as they did when his was tired, OR the light of a new day casts a shadow differently then the light at the end of a day.

So, step away from the computer, do something that you find fun (or better yet, bring joy to another person by reaching out and filling a need thus refilling your own cup of joy), breathe slowly and deeply, and leave the world's problems to be solved another day.


Last thought--
Gift vs reward
A reward is a compensation traded for encouraged behaviors or actions.
A gift is given without the the expectation of anything in return. NSA.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 43 (view)
 
bf has bad time management
Posted: 11/15/2009 1:12:52 PM
OP-
When you discovered he had time management issues, you should have told him immediately that showing up late habitually disrespects the person(s) expecting their arrival at an agreed upon time.

Will a train wait for you?
Will a teacher/professor delay instruction until your arrival?
Will an employer keep you as an employee if you can't get to work on time?

Now...
Given that is safe to assume that you wait for his sorry, late, disrepectful a.ss to grace you with his company, YOU bear a measure of culpability.
Further assuming that you going off on yelling and screaming tirades is your habitual modus operandi, his habitual tardiness now becomes a means to delay hearing the full volume, cranked up bass music.

You want respect?
1. Tell him that you will no longer wait for him if he refuses make being on time a priority. You will go on about your business or switch to plan B.
2. You do not yell, nag, harp, scream...under ANY circumstances.

"I was there at xyz time, and you were not, therefore I went to abc with friends of mine instead. We had a nice time, too bad you didn't." END of discussion.

BOTH of you need some serious growing up to do.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 90 (view)
 
horror movies = red flag?
Posted: 11/15/2009 12:43:05 PM
I might consider it a red flag if ONLY the horror genre was the type of movie watched.
Personally, they just ain't my cuppa joe.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Guilty until proven innocent
Posted: 11/15/2009 12:38:26 PM
I wouldn't hang around to find out. Don't want or need to endure that kind of drama on a chronic basis.
No trust, no foundation to support a relationship.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Prove Me Wrong, PLEASE
Posted: 11/15/2009 12:31:34 PM
Cripes was OP high when they posted this?

Auto-eroticism and inflate-a-dates are handy, safe-sex alternatives until
you can figure it all out.



It often times seems that sex is the requirement for a relationship, not respect, love, or appreciation.

Depends on how evolved and psycho-emotionally mature the individuals are...OR
how much alcohol is involved.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Erectile Dysfunction
Posted: 11/14/2009 11:51:49 AM

VIAGRA, LEVITRA, CIALIS, THEY ARE ALL GOOD SEX PILLS......

Gives new meaning to Erector set.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Horible New Fasion Trend
Posted: 11/14/2009 8:01:40 AM
Yeah cowboy...
Although here in FL, I don't find myself in hosiery very often,

Thigh highs are perfect for the polished look...and so much friendlier when one engages in natural acts, to include sex, but not limited to. Eliminates the problem of getting one's panties in a twist.
Your LTR gals must have thanked you profusely.

OP-
It's not a new trend, merely a recycled one.
I wouldn't recommend your approach...it sounds like it may add to your complaint, not eliminate it. Think unintended consequences.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 123 (view)
 
Dating a Married Man
Posted: 11/14/2009 7:17:35 AM
I would simply call the dog and tell him it's over, don't call, email, etc., done, basta, kaput, over!

When he asks why, reply simply, cooly:
Ask your wife.
...leave it right there, hang up and let him sweat.
Think about this for just a second...delicious, no?
Make that the your LAST call, contact with him.


I can't say I'd tell the wife for a number of reasons...
-She may refuse to believe you.
-She may go psychotic...put yourself in danger.
-As was mentioned, the possibility of opening yourself up to an alienation of affection lawsuit.
-She may know and tolerates it for whatever reason.

DO get tested for STD's
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
 
why do men assume you want to talk sex ?
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:48:59 AM
OP-
Maybe its because your criteria for contacting you is so rigid, that talking about sex seems about the only thing left?

Talk about sex like responsible adults or 1-900 Talk Sex kind of talk?

Coffee in the morning...thanks for the chuckle.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
How do I get ink out of clothes?
Posted: 11/13/2009 10:13:32 PM
Hairspray may not work if the item has been run thrugh the dryer already.
It works like magic if done before the item hits the dryer.

At this point, you can't make it any worse. Spray a generous amt of hairspray on the ink stain, handwash/rub it. If it bleeds you're in luck, now add a little dawn or liquid laundry detergent, handwash/rub some more, rinse. if the stain is really bad you might have to repeat.

Such a man thing to do--toss the clothes into the wash machine without checking pockets first.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
BF will not tell me his birthdate or where he works - is this wierd to you guys?
Posted: 11/13/2009 6:57:42 PM
If you are exclusive and sharing your privates in private, then his birthdate and place of employment should not be private. So yes, it's wierd.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
being ignored
Posted: 11/13/2009 6:53:06 PM
Not having been the fly on the wall, OP does not automatically get a free pass.
We don't know how OP approaches a disagreement...nagging, screaming, throwing things?

Does he ignore you for an hour(time-out, tolerable) or for days(far too childish)?
Can the issue be revisited when calmer heads prevail or is it then simply not up for discussion(relationship death)?
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 70 (view)
 
He's banged his open-relationship roomie....
Posted: 11/13/2009 6:23:48 PM
OP-

If there is anything relationshipworthy, then walking away is not the only solution to consider.
Can bf not find another roommate situation? The way the economy is, roommating is a popular (not to say optimal) means to survive.
What I was suggesting is brainstorming possible solutions to alleviate the problem that is toxic to the relationship. If your bf is like my guy, it has to be "his idea" (*wink*) to have merit.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 44 (view)
 
I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE?
Posted: 11/13/2009 5:59:32 PM
When bf and I had the talk about exclusivity (and we met here), I told him that I would put my profile in hide mode but would continue to read/contribute to forums. I even gave him my password, as I have nothing to hide. The same is true for what I post here, I would not be embarrassed if my son, mother, pastor, bf or boss sees it.
I know bf's profile is still available but doen't even come to PoF anymore because I sent him one of those roses we can send and he never read the email according to PoF.
When I asked him about it, he told me, Oh, I don't go there anymore.

He gives me NO reason to distrust him so not removing his profile bothers me not.
I know that if a woman came on to him face to face, he would turn her down.

I would not tolerate anybody telling me what I should remove from my computer.
That is a controlling attitude and I have no use or want for it.

There is no acceptable answer for WHY anybody feels the need to lie, but I will say he has control issues...and that is unacceptable as well. What say you OP?
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 84 (view)
 
I'm a 58 year old guy with young kids (Where is the POF/AARP/K-8 Forum?) Where do I fish?
Posted: 11/13/2009 4:19:54 PM
Given your situation, your opportunities will be more limited.
Surely you knew having children at an older age was going to
mean compromises on your part.
No judgements or assumptions here.

Personally, I am not looking to be a part of raising children anymore and nobody
could blame me for it. I will take a leap here and assume you are not looking for another or part time mother for your kids, but anybody who entered a relationship with you would yes, be a part of a life that involves raising children.

Does that mean I wouldn't step up to the plate if the situation arose (eg. I/we had to raise a grandchild so as not to have them be a foster child? No, I would take it on...but that is a horse of an entirely different color).

Good luck and may your children bring you more joy than sorrow, be of healthy body, mind and spirit.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 313 (view)
 
Libido after 50
Posted: 11/13/2009 2:49:49 PM
Age does not determine libido.
Physical and mental health are key coupled with a healthy attitude towards sex.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Serendipity?
Posted: 11/13/2009 2:39:29 PM
Serendipity is the occurance of a fortunate discovery by accident.

I can't imagine stumbling into an ex being seredipitous. Nostalgic perhaps, but nostalgia is a double-edged sword.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Do you feel you Do More in a relationship - Or does your SO do more for you?
Posted: 11/13/2009 2:09:15 PM
If he is not meeting your relationship needs why be in that relationship?
It's easier to recover from a mere sore back than a broken one.
Your choice as to how much damage you will allow.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Are disproportionate age ranges requirements a red flag?
Posted: 11/13/2009 2:02:11 PM
It is a red flag if accompanied by the phrase, "I am open minded."
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 252 (view)
 
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 11/13/2009 1:53:03 PM
Sex-by-numbers has as much appeal and class as paint-by-numbers.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 66 (view)
 
He's banged his open-relationship roomie....
Posted: 11/13/2009 1:29:30 PM
OP-
"Opening" your relationship with him to alleviate the stress is not the answer. I am going strictly on what you wrote in that he discovered through experience that ployamory is not something he cares to embrace, and that you believe he is not having sexual realtions with her or anybody else besides you.
Inviting somebody in from outside the relationship will not fix what's wrong within it.
--This is where one does NOT compromise their values.

As far as the "alpha female" in this mess, I would simply ignore her, her emails or any other attempts at communication. Period.
--This is where power and control is yours.

I don't like conflict either, but sometimes conflict MUST be dealt with to end it.
--This is where one has to develop a spine and take action accordingly. This is what strengthens said spine.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 43 (view)
 
starting to give up findeing love
Posted: 11/13/2009 12:59:18 PM
I hear you zephyr, but rather than telling the OP what to do, I posed questions for OP to consider.
The next thing I did was to underscore what others have said by reiterating by way of suggestion and wrapping it up with a conclusive statement.

Kind of like having algebra explained by teachers who take different approaches.
The teachers I learned the most from, asked questions, forcing me to think.
The best supervisors I worked for asked, how do you think this problem can be fixed/solved?

What the OP does from there is his business. He is ultimately responsible for how or if he proceeds.

Once again:
There are none so blind as those who refuse to see, none so deaf as those who refuse to hear.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 152 (view)
 
Too much baggage to start a new relationship ???
Posted: 11/13/2009 12:42:12 PM
One suitcase might be doable, but a full carousel load?
No thanks.
 
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