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 Author Thread: Deadweight Parents
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Deadweight Parents
Posted: 2/25/2012 10:24:40 PM
I wonder how OP would feel about her parents if she woke up tomorrow and had them no more.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 187 (view)
 
I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 2/25/2012 10:17:52 PM
Didn't think I would, but I relish being single.
It would take somebody pretty darn special to change my mind,
but I don't care to be on a hunting expedition.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 62 (view)
 
At what age did you start aging & did you accept it?
Posted: 2/17/2012 11:27:25 PM
Hit me when my parents in-law passed away w/in 6 wks of each other...that was 11 yrs ago...it wasn't laugh lines or grey hair, it was a sense of all of a sudden being "the old guard". Now that my own mother, at 87 is much slower, weaker than she was 10 yrs ago, it weighs on me a bit. Finally, most of my friends are grandparents, and the "kids" in the family have had or are in those child bearing, settling down years...these are what hits me hard and make the laugh lines and greys harder to ignore.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 77 (view)
 
What is it with facebook?
Posted: 2/17/2012 11:11:10 PM
I like Facebook. The same could be said about PoF (forums)...what is it about_____?
As far as privacy, you have to learn how to take control of YOUR account and set your security settings for what works for you. I can publish to specific groups of people, the the general public or a specific person. It can be used as another avenue to search for runaway children/missing persons. You can set up of join specific interest groups, you can market yourself. I stumbled upon a local band and went to see them play...it was a serendipitous find. The list goes on. And yes, some folks live there...but then again, some folks live on PoF or porn sites or gambling sites...
Live and let live, to each their own.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Fascinating Things in Nature
Posted: 9/27/2011 6:13:31 PM
Got involved with growing Dahlias for a while. I was given a slew of dahlia tubers that looked much like a yam that had become dried and very wrinkly...sure didn't look like it could yield anything. Planted them in the ground as recommended, water, sunshine and a few added nutrients supplied. In a matter of about 3 months, those dead looking tubers had grown into fabulously lush plants with a variety of flowers in color, size and some differences in shape. Deadheading spurred yet more growth.
Nothing complicated, no extraordinary care given and the results simply fascinated me...like so much in the natural world.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 95 (view)
 
Are YOU an American?
Posted: 9/27/2011 5:59:17 PM
Irregulator--
The Preamble to the Constitution of the United States (which is indeed an integral part of the document) reads:
"We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

This should be a satisfactory response to your post.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Is Romantic Love Work?
Posted: 9/27/2011 5:29:55 PM
A relationship is like gardening. Yes there is "work" involved in order to yield fruits of one's labors. Don't tend the garden and your yield will reflect it...same goes for a relationship. Romance should not be considered a chore but a labor of love.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Jesus or jail?
Posted: 9/27/2011 5:26:32 PM
What I read was 3 options: jail time, pay fine or church attendance. Why was one left out of the thread query?
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Wanting that elusive last word or knowing the truth about the end. Anyone else feel the same?
Posted: 9/27/2011 4:45:16 PM
Actions speak louder than words...what else do you need to know?
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 89 (view)
 
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/27/2011 4:39:18 PM
Kudos to the OP for sticking by his guns.
How satisfying/exciting can vaginal intercourse be if one is worried about a baby being the end result?
Love means there is respect for one's partner... if she can't respect your rational, responsible position, how deep and enduring can her love be?
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 189 (view)
 
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/19/2011 11:37:21 PM
Truly a self-weeder.

Her approach was manipulative and immature.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 119 (view)
 
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 9/19/2011 11:21:17 PM
Saying one will never drink again AND see a counselor is not the same as doing it...
Talk is cheap. You have 3 yrs together, all good otherwise from the starting post. It is now up to him to DO the anything it takes with gladness and sincere follow thru...if you allow him to.


oops saw decision made. good luck moving forward.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
I'm stumped!
Posted: 9/19/2011 12:25:14 AM
kiwi....
you watch far too many action movies.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Car mysteries to be solved
Posted: 9/19/2011 12:22:58 AM
I like automotiveforums.com
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 56 (view)
 
Are YOU an American?
Posted: 9/19/2011 12:17:35 AM
For simplicity...
Declaration of Independence proclaimed to the world that the colonies were united in declaring themselves independent from British rule and were setting up shop as a nation...one in which certain unalienable rights were to be assured.

The constitution is how the 3 branches of gov't is to be set up and includes the nuts and bolts of that. It gives the states rights and responsibilities. Royalty(title of nobility) and reign by any church both not allowed.

Bill of Rights were amendments to the constitution, the first 10 known collectively as the Bill of Rights to guarantee individual liberties.


Can't break it down any simpler than that.
Citizen of the world? Must one interesting passport you carry.
Let me guess...you are a child of the universe too.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 9/18/2011 11:11:19 PM
The nice thing about advice is you can take it or leave it.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 37 (view)
 
What's a buckle bunny?
Posted: 9/15/2011 5:53:13 PM
energizer bunny chases?
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
contacting someone who has contacted you
Posted: 9/14/2011 5:49:40 PM
I just got an email from markus(pof founder) wanting me to get the app that gives me instant notifications on my iphone.
should i get the app?
should i mark him as a favorite and see if he responds?
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Broken up but still in love
Posted: 9/14/2011 5:31:04 PM
OP-
you have a lot more to go through yet. these old hearts in here can tell you and most are held together with gorilla glue, baling wire and duct tape.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 81 (view)
 
He still has his profile up??! Mixed messages *sigh*
Posted: 9/14/2011 5:11:52 PM
@ maleman999

gender must not be made the issue here...it has no place. the op is responsible for their part in this play, plain and simple, man or woman.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Are YOU an American?
Posted: 9/14/2011 5:00:14 PM
Absolutely. Was born and raised here, first generation and served in the military.
E Puribus Unum - from many, one.
We still stand, united. Our democracy is a work in progress.
Next question...
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 96 (view)
 
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/14/2011 2:13:50 PM
to and re msg 94
'zactly my point...but I would love to revisit this with you in say...20 yrs. : )
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 37 (view)
 
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/14/2011 1:39:09 PM
Sounds like a lot of drama or a non-stop roller coaster ride. I like roller coasters less and less as I get older. It is my choice not to ride them with any frequency if at all. I don't have to justify it or examine it, I simply make my choice. Catch my drift?
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 88 (view)
 
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/14/2011 1:14:21 PM
OP-
When a sinner asks forgiveness from God for that sin, he is forgiven for that sin by God's grace...in other words, that sin has now been washed clean... the divorced can also say, and to borrow your words here, I will fail to meet His standard at times, He knows in my heart I am trying.

Yes, it us up to you to have a forgiving spirit, Eph 4:32 and Matt 6:14-15. Again, if God can forgive, why can't you? Foregiveness allows for redemption.

If it is simply a PERSONAL preference not to marry a divorced man, I am okay with that, but own it as such and don't try to justify it biblically.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 79 (view)
 
He still has his profile up??! Mixed messages *sigh*
Posted: 9/14/2011 1:00:07 PM
OP...
You didn't define the relationship or have the talk as some would say. You chose to take your profile down and assume he would do the same and check up on him.

Then you come at him with not woman enough for him or if he was looking for better and put your profile back up in hopes he would feel the same way you do, see the error of his ways, come to you with roses and candy, define the relationship and walk hand in hand in the sunset.

I echo a previous sentiment...GTFU...or see a professional about some therapy and medication.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Should money be a consideration in a relationship
Posted: 9/14/2011 12:46:50 PM
money IS an issue and, like death is something we shy away from talking about with those who are reason to talk about it.

If people are on different pages and don't reach an understanding it IS an issue.

If people are on the same page and reach an understanding, then it IS NOT an issue...until it becomes one.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 84 (view)
 
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/14/2011 12:39:42 PM
Wymeth-
I think Johnny Cash sums it up best- "Lies have to be covered up, the truth can run around naked."
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 83 (view)
 
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/14/2011 12:35:18 PM
Morning Face-
My comment was directed at the OP, unless otherwise indicated here and another post. Of course I realize that other religions and beliefs exist, but the OP's beliefs are from a christian pov and I spoke to her on that level.

I did concur with her on the choosing of divorce vs single- if u have been divorced for ANY reason, it happened, own it, period- but took issue with the idea that she won't consider a man marriage material because he has committed a specific sin.

Further in a subsequent post, referereced to earlier, asked if God can forgive the sinner, why can't she? I am still wtg for OP to respond to that, but as yet it hasn't happened.

I also want to address the issue re marriage being a man-made law...the bible addresses that too: Romans 13:1-2 tell us to be in subjection to the superior authorities even as we are to God. further, we are to be in relative subjection to kings and governors as they have their positions due to God's allowance. (1Peter 2:13-17).
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 36 (view)
 
When and how to tell your SO about your past marriages?
Posted: 9/13/2011 10:55:42 PM
How significant can your other be if you can't disclose/discuss this with him without fear and reservation?
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 54 (view)
 
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 10:39:01 PM
Divorce is a sin- THAT is in the bible as I referenced...it's just that some are forgiven- also in the bible as I referenced, Iascaireachtarís. The question should have been, if God can forgive, why can't the OP?
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/13/2011 10:15:23 PM
OP
Why are you counting the number of times she is active (what defines active) 0n PoF?
I am active in forums...not in fishing mode...was active on PoF when I was in a relationship....in forums.

keeping options open? that's the insecure way to view it.

deleted profile in hopes she would do the same- her response to your discomfort was to share hers...and that is immersing fully into a relationship at this point in time. Her actions by your account seem congruent with her words if you are gauging trustworthiness. Is your discomfort more important than hers?

all of the above are a yellow/caution flag for me...you-insecurity, trust and control issues?
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 51 (view)
 
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 9:40:57 PM
Sweetlady-
I for one think divorced is divorced and NOT single...otherwise we would have no need to differentiate. i don't care how people WANT to spin it or twist in the wind. THAT would be my caution flag. Divorced would be fact, single would be a conscious omission of that fact.

Now, speaking as a christian, take issue with the deeming a person unacceptable because they have sinned. Though divorce is a serious matter in God's opinion (Malachi 2:16), it is not the unforgivable sin. If you confess your sins to God and ask for forgiveness, you are forgiven (1 John 1:9) and can move on with your life...of course moving on would be, for a christian, in a walk that is closer to Jesus...I say closer because we ALL fall short of perfection.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Offensive body odor from a friend or coworker: How do you tell them?
Posted: 9/13/2011 9:25:49 PM
Friend-gently, privately because you care about them, not intending to verbally bully or embarrass them. Co-worker same or tell supervisor.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 141 (view)
 
If Cell Phones Could Be Banned,Who Would Join Me?
Posted: 9/13/2011 9:19:45 PM
No...it has become an integral part of my life but I remain in control and in charge.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 68 (view)
 
Transmissions
Posted: 9/13/2011 9:03:51 PM
There is a site called automotiveforums.com a lil research there saved me $1500. i highly recommend the site.


old joke: Heaven vs Hell
Heaven:
•The police are British
•The cooks are French
•The engineers are German
•The administrators are Swiss
•The lovers are Italian
Hell:
•The police are German
•The cooks are British
•The engineers are Italian
•The administrators are French
•The lovers are Swiss

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Do you like Emoticons? How much is too much?
Posted: 9/13/2011 8:58:19 PM
if a person, overall, shows little restraint in the frequency of emoticon usage, I might wonder what other areas of life they may go overboard on....just sayin.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Putting tattoos in description
Posted: 9/13/2011 2:28:29 PM
Out of sight, out of mind. I have had a tattoo for 34 yrs and never gave it a thought dating-wise...until now...for a fleeting moment.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Letting go.. Whats the easiest and safest way?
Posted: 9/13/2011 5:57:39 AM
Put your big girl panties on and do what you have to do. Plenty of people go to school AND work.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 95 (view)
 
Why do people REALLY Hate Ohio and Ohioans?
Posted: 9/13/2011 5:19:58 AM
I'm not a hater, I may avoid or limit my interactions with those I dislike, but my dislike would not be borne of some sort of geographic superiority or inferiority.

The Oregonian-Californian feud harkens back to the 70's I believe. Oregonians tend to lean towards environmentalistic. When Californians began to move north, they, in general, were not as in tune with the natural environment, tended to be litterers and had little appreciation for reduce, reuse and recycle. Oregonians do not like clear cutting and have a healthy regard for clean and green.
Oregon is not glitz and glam...it is rugged and hardy with some of the most majestic vistas in the world.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 123 (view)
 
A sincere question for the Christians
Posted: 9/13/2011 5:13:08 AM
At the end of day, you must determine what gives you comfort, solace and peace of mind, keeping the faith or letting it go.
Nobody gets a guarantee of a life of ease and fairness. To appreciate fully the positives, one must experience the negatives...call it balance, ying and yang or whatever.
May you find your peace and understanding.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 32 (view)
 
What you probably don't know about Restroom Valets
Posted: 9/13/2011 4:45:44 AM
Level of education? This is a tough economy and level of education ain't guaranteeing anybody a cushy 9-5. The TP doesn't jump from where it is stored into the (locked)dispensers by itself and an alcohol buzz+ has its effects on coordination and behavior..remember David Hassellhoff?
What else ya got?
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Curiosity question
Posted: 9/13/2011 4:33:50 AM
There is a big gap between caution and paranoia.
I'm with the OP...email addy no big deal.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 22 (view)
 
boys names
Posted: 9/13/2011 4:22:19 AM
I too like strong biblical names. My son is Jacob Daniel S....his grandfathers were George and Elmer and their names were only considered for about 1/2 second.
What was funny is that my SIL married a Jake, and her boys (Jake's cousins) often had their friend Jake at the house...so there was big Jake (uncle), little Jake(mine) and Jake(friend).
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 30 (view)
 
What you probably don't know about Restroom Valets
Posted: 9/13/2011 4:12:16 AM
Janitors/housekeeping work when the club is closed.

The club I work is patronized by a mix that includes pro sports figures to include international racers and crew who participate in the annual St. Petersburg Grand Prix, celebs, foreigners, tourists, snowbirds and locals. Security personnel wears a suit jacket and slacks. We have VIP/table service. In short, the image the club maintains is such that valet service fits in. It ain't yer backwater honky tonk with restrooms labelled pointers and setters.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 24 (view)
 
In Memory of 9/11 - Thoughts and Feelings
Posted: 9/12/2011 10:15:48 PM
A first generation American, born and raised in NY, had served in the military and travelled to several european countries. Like everybody else, stunned, shocked, in utter disbelief, as I learned about the series of attacks watching the morning news in Oregon. As a child in school, I remember doing air raid drills. Nothing could have ever prepared us for what was perpetrated. What stands out in my mind beyond the most sobering memories and images, is the fact that no looting was reported and the international outpouring of support, sympathy, aid and assistance.

The enduring impact of what occurred in the US on 9/11 should not be the pain of loss on so many levels, but an indominatable spirit that has transformed what was Ground Zero...a new millennium Phoenix risen, literally, out of the ashes, into a park- a symbol of national unity, pride and honor...that American spirit (E pluribus unum-from many, one), in my mind, is divinely inspired and cannot be destroyed. Peace my sisters and brothers, rest and be well, blessings wished for all.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 175 (view)
 
Don’t Marry Modern Women ???
Posted: 8/5/2011 2:19:50 PM
60% of divorced women are of the mind that they are happier single than married.
Is this the modern woman of whom you speak?
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Victim of a Mid Life Crisis, How do you recover from it???
Posted: 8/5/2011 2:07:00 PM
OP-
You will find your freedom from this pain when you can let go of that which holds you back.
Pain DOES have a purpose...and for now, it is a good reason NOT to date.
Rule of thumb is to allow 1/2 the time of the relationship to heal from it's break.
I am guilty of not foloowing that rule. Hindsight tells me it makes much sense.
Might not have needed so much duct tape, super glue and baling wire to hold my heart together...lol
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
What does the word RELATIONSHIP mean to you?
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:49:43 PM
A relationship is a bond. After that one has to define the "type" of relationship and the parameters of it...given that people have differing ideas of this concept, each much define theirs.
one word- c o m m u n i c a t i o n
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Victim of a Mid Life Crisis, How do you recover from it???
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:36:09 PM
Oh OP, but you have lost something and that is what is so unsettling.
You had a goal of growing old together, being there for each other at an age when companionship vs living alone is huge. There is a sense of security in that.

It can be easy to give head space to "I gave him the best years of my life"... this too can be unsettling (note-I am known for understatement).
You have to believe that the best is yet to come....come what may.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Victim of a Mid Life Crisis, How do you recover from it???
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:11:27 PM
Midlife crisis seems, in this case to be too convenient.
16 yrs is a substantial amount of time and, I gather, OP felt blindsided...
You don't simply unlove somebody with that amount of investment unless there
is frequent and long-standing toxicity within the relationship.

I think, in big part, altho hubs was doing something he loved to do, the inability to provide adequately made him feel...well...inadequate. Not knowing the dynamics between the two of you, I can't comment on what you should/could have done.
He was seeking outside the marriage for something lacking within it...not a wise move.

The only person who can give you the answers you seek is your husband...and only if he can stop running from himself and be honest with himself and you as well. If he is open to it, perhaps some counseling?

I understand the resentment of being assaulted by this pain- the one person you should be able to trust with your total well-being perpetrating such disloyalty... I understand the wtf's? that cycle endlessly in one's mind along with what did I do wrong, etc. Don't allow him to bring YOU down, find your supporters and get thru it one day at a time. It IS survivable, as I am sure many PoF'ers, myself included, can attest.
 
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