I think Girls have it a lot easier than Guys when it comes to Love, Dating, Relationships, etc. chat & forums.

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capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 222 (view)

I think Girls have it a lot easier than Guys when it comes to Love, Dating, Relationships, etc. Posted: 8/25/2009 6:23:38 AM
I disagree that men have it easier then women when it comes to dating..Both sexes have their own special difficulties but I think alot of men dont realize just how difficult it is for women, especially those over 30, to find a date with a decent man...Much less get married...ALot of men are very intimidated by bright, college educated women who have supported themselves for decades.....When I was single I ended up asking alot of men to dance and got alot of rejections..I saw them go for women younger than me....Women who didnt challenge them, a version of their own mother.....I started doing this about age 30 and watched this happen over and over again for the next 15 years!...Very discouraging.......Most men my age wont date women their own age..This used to infuriate and discourage me...I ended up marrying a man young than me by ten years because he was open minded enough to love me for me, not what kind of trophy I looked like beside him who just stroked his ego.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 160 (view)

Why do so few men take part in yoga.? Posted: 8/10/2009 1:41:53 PM
"Do overdo things and the gains in those areas will come" "The body needs a balance of strength and flexibility" Exackly...Most yoga teachers say this all the time in classes and demonstrate how to do that... Thats what I already said....A yoga teacher guiding one thru that and cautioning how to make that balance will say all that is the key and much better than simple weight lighting alone without that guidance.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 152 (view)

Why do so few men take part in yoga.? Posted: 8/5/2009 11:49:20 AM
adistar...no competent yoga teachers asks you to hyper extend your muscles or spine...In fact, most tell you this is something you should NOT do.,,, My yoga teacher is constantly reminding us NOT to do this Weight training for strength and flexibility is not any better for you and your joints than yoga. In fact, weight training alone is more likely to cause injuries whereas a yoga teacher guilding you thru the moves and ensuring safety is actually much better for you and your joints and spine..

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 151 (view)

Why do so few men take part in yoga.? Posted: 8/5/2009 11:42:43 AM
winteragain...you are so off base regarding yoga not increasing ones strength. Many, if not most stretches actually make one stronger....Ive been doing yoga for over 5 years and my strength and endurance have both been permanently increased. Your comment indicates the need to get educated about what is...not by watching TV or popular Western culture about it or talking to your buddies about it who have never done it...

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 150 (view)

Why do so few men take part in yoga.? Posted: 8/5/2009 11:38:55 AM
freezabird illustrates how homophobia is really entrenched in the minds of many guys who wont look at yoga. I see the same thing in my class...1 or 2 men surrounded by 15 women...my husband takes yoga, but then, he spent the first 11 years of his life in Israel and wasnt indoctrinated by the macho culture in the US....thank goodness.....the "wuss factor" is very strong among men here.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 112 (view)

Differences between American and Colombian Women Posted: 7/20/2009 2:57:45 PM
topfind It sounds like you are saying Latin women are more honest and upfront with men about their feelings. Again, thats a generalization and Id have to disagree with it. Alot of American women are honest and upfront about whether or not they like a certain man. I kn ow quite a few who were able to be very kind yet honest about their feelings. Unfortunately this can also be interpreted by some men as being "too picky" or being a man hater. Been there, seen that too. As for Southerners being "warmer: than Northerners. Let me tell you this. I grew up a southern gal...born and raised in Texas. The niceness on the part of people there can be superficial...To strangers, children and guests and people visiting.. Some of the meanest , most back stabbing behaviors I encountered was among Southern women. Some of the most dismissive, sexist behavior I encountered was among southern men... Not all certainly...There are genuine nice people everywhere....not just in the South...

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 103 (view)

Differences between American and Colombian Women Posted: 7/13/2009 2:30:36 PM
topfind, I would question whether Latin women subservience to machismo in the Latin culture is more "natural" Some would see that as stupidity and ignorance. Are women who think for themselves and are their own bosses and dont agree with that "less natural?" Me thinks not. Also, alot of independent, highly educated women are very warm people.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 84 (view)

Differences between American and Colombian Women Posted: 6/29/2009 12:25:44 PM
Wonders what the OP's experience would be if the bulk of Columbian women were highly educated, had excellent professional jobs , in good health and not subject to blantant sexism and machismo from society?...in short in control of their own lives?....Me thinks it would be drastically different. The moral of this is desperation makes anyone with more than you have look attractive.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

We got married May 17 Posted: 6/10/2009 1:09:02 PM
I changed my profile from single to married...I didnt notice it needed changing until today... Dont be so suspicious , forum junkie, you wont find a partner that way...lol

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

We got married May 17 Posted: 6/6/2009 7:54:16 PM
Dear POF I want to say thank you for helping Cartographer and I find each other across the miles thru a long distance relationship. We started chatting as friends in the spring of 2007 and realized we had so much in common and felt like kindred spirits, that we just had to meet...dispite the distance...I was living on Cape Cod, Massachusetts...Cartographer lives in the DC Metro area. We met in June 2007 with a trip to the Smithsonian being our first date....I was so happy to be with him and the time flew by. We met each month after that for 7 months, then I decided to move to DC to be nearer him. We moved in together last August and its been wonderful to finally find the love of my life and be so grateful for his love and support. Our May 17 wedding with loving family and friends present at the top of Sugarloaf Mountain in rural Maryland was the culmination of our wonderful courtship. Once in a while during pillow talk, we marvel at how a simple, free online dating service can help people find true love. All it takes is an open mind and an open heart... And a willingness to travel if neccessary Thank you!! Love Capegardengirl and Cartographer

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 179 (view)

Women attributing their realtionship problems to chioldhood abuse.... Posted: 6/5/2009 2:09:50 PM
Ameerra has said it well. Sexual abuse cant be healed by merely "willing it" to be so intellectually. Alot of well intended family members get frustrated by this and caught up with control issues of whether or she is "working on" moving beyond the abuse. Survivors often have body memories otherwise known as triggers that causes their bodies to react involuntarily whenever they are triggered by an event , presence of a certain person, a particular activity, or association that reminds them of the abuse either physically or psychologically. For some without an understanding of it physically and psychologically, this can be difficult to understand. Perhaps another way to think of it when you get a bum knee or any other permanent scar or injury.. You work around the knee and cope with it and dont let it ruin your life but you will always have a bum knee. You will always get triggered by pain on it when you run too fast, too hard, too long. Theres no "getting over" that. The same goes for sexual abuse. People can learn to cope but they may always have involuntary body flashbacks from time to time. That isnt something they can always control or anticipate happening ahead of time. Which is why sex for survivors can be frought with anxiety. She fears he will be offended by and personalize her shutting down when she has no control over that in the moment. It takes a mature , patient ,special partner who can put his ego and insecurities aside to allow her to dictate the pace of sexual activity. The worst feeling in the world for alot of survivors is to be taken out of control...reminiscient and very triggering of when they had no control over their bodies as children being abused by adults.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 130 (view)

Women attributing their realtionship problems to chioldhood abuse.... Posted: 4/15/2009 2:07:46 PM
Midland tom..The truth of the matter is that there arent alot of resources for sexually abused women...Not all therapists are trained to handle this special problem...The other matter is that recovery from sexual abuse is lifelong, not something you learn at a seminar during a weekend then forget about it...Thats what PTSD is ....People think there is a quick fix for this and there isnt...Child abuse is often life altering, causing brain damage in the child.....So even if she finds the right help, her treatment will often last for years...What is she supposed to do in the meantime?..Refrain from all relationships for 10 years or more?....What if its you who are pursuing her???.How is this going to help her heal if she cant practice feeling safe with a caring and loving partner???....

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 129 (view)

Women attributing their realtionship problems to chioldhood abuse.... Posted: 4/15/2009 1:47:11 PM
Trauma from sexual abuse often leaves the woman having involuntary, bodily physiological reactions of fear and revulsion when being in intimate situations with a date or her boyfriend....Involuntary mental flashbacks of the abuse are common and render her disoriented...Thats what post traumatic stress disorder is...PTSD is something someone gets because of abuse done to them, not because they were "born that way"....It is a genuine psychological disorder, 309.81 from the DSMIV and women who have it arent "playing the victim" or faking it.....Instead of blaming the woman for something done to her as a child and not her fault, the men not understanding here need to get educated and read up on sexual abuse and how it manifests itself in girls when they become adults.. Ive worked with sexually abused women as a therapist for 20 years and have seen this alot..as well as the misunderstanding and ignorance from the male partners and family/friends she has to put up with that add more stress and grief to their lives.. Those wanting to know how to help their female partners who have been sexually abused should read Sexual Healing by Wendy Maltz...excellent book but only for those who are ready to do the work and not blame or judge or push her into getting better quicker than her comfort level for their own sexual selfish reasons..She needs to be in the drivers seat on this at all times so get used to it men.. And be warned that recovery from abuse takes along time so dont be impatient with her..She was damaged at her core when she was a developing child and that is a very slow and painstaking process to recover from...It is thwarted and delayed by an unsympathetic partner and family and society that either doesnt believe her, minimizes the abuse, or blames her for the abuse..

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 79 (view)

Men don't change, women do? Posted: 4/14/2009 9:49:56 AM
CerealLover...Not all women marry young or want to change men...Nor are they "holding out" for someone better either. During my prime attractiveness years according to society and most men, I was rejected by most men I actively sought out for dating and possible partnership....Most cant handle a young woman who is reasonably attractive and ALSO intelligent, assertive, well educated and goes by her own rules and doesnt need the approval or authority to act on her own accord.....During my 20s and 30s I was told this by most men and women......Most men I met in my 20s and 30s were either uninterested or wanted to control me if they were interested...I found that most men were far too obsessed with looks and couldnt even get beyond that to get to know me as person becasue I was a size 10 and not a size 4.....And I consider myself cute, but not gorgeous...But thats what they wanted above all else and it was they who werent willing to compromise, not me...That is immature...It is them who lost out when they married those tiny and sexy but rather dull witted, unmotivated, inactive and now fat wives that didnt threaten them when they were 25....Now alot of men my age are getting divorced in droves and are gun shy towards all women because they think all women act like their emotionally immature exes.....Before finding my partner, it was interesting that I was often pursued by younger men 10 years younger than me who had more open views about women as PARTNERS, not objects to be a trophy beside them, rather than men who were my age or a little older..Their old baggage from high school about what a woman was "supposed" to be always held them back.......So I think both men and woman can be very unrealistic when it comes to choosing a partner, not just women.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 79 (view)

Best small towns in USA Posted: 1/27/2009 1:09:45 PM
Dennis, Massachusetts...made the top ten list of best small towns a few years back...The beaches are some of the most beautiful in the world....coupled with a thriving arts scene thats the envy of the East Coast....Pottery rejects for free on display all along King's Highway, Rte 6A Chestertown, Maryland...so did this beauty of a place, another cultural college town find with surrounded by great beaches, an incredible array of historical buildings, outstanding blue crab and stripper fish and friendly people.. Lewes, Delaware....Pristine town beach perfect for swimming, , eat homemade ice cream on a working dairy farm sitting on a fence by the cows, adorable gingerbread victorian houses, great 1940s grocery store, wonderful shops and resturants surrounded by the canal and harbor, one of the best art shows on the east coast, all right next door to the incredibly breathtakingly beautiful Cape Henlopen State Park, where the wild dolphins put on a show for free...Need I say more? Salado, Texas...a real historical gem not ruined by commercialism and the strip malls in central Texas.....babbling creek runs right thru town amonst great art shows and antique shops....Stop and eat the corn dodgers at the Stagecoach Inn...You wont be dissapointed. The people are awesome here.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 40 (view)

Couples Therapy Posted: 1/26/2009 5:33:02 PM
As a licensed therapist with 20 years working with couples, Ive found that the therapy is only as good as the committment of the couple willing to work hard on their marriage and be able to handle difficult, sometimes unbearable feelings. The ability to truly listen to each other without interrupting, judging , yelling or blaming is crucial. Anyone coming into therapy expecting their spouse to do all the work or the therapist to wave a magic wand and eliminate 20 year old problems that should have been addressed decades ago will be dissapointed. Also, I dont see individuals first before seeing them together as a couple unless for one session. I find that creates loyalty and trust issues for the 2nd spouse coming in later...Not fair to them. Keeping secrets from other another via seperate sessions also isnt a good way to start therapy. Also, not all feminists work best with the woman. I am a feminist but I work well dealing with the broader picture of things. More often than not, the men sided with me and the women got upset because I wasnt dissing their husbands and I was holding them accountable for their actions, just like I was with their husbands. It takes two to create a problematic marriage. Those who want direct results and expect honesty from therapists work best with me. Those who want to change the spouse and use sessions as a pissing contest/bit ch session dont work well with me. As stated by most here, most couples see therapy as a last ditch effort and come to me WAY too late for me to expect great changes. Also, if theres domestic violence in the relationship, I dont provide any couples therapy. A frightened spouse doesnt make the most honest and effective candidate....It also puts them in danger of further abuse by the spouse when they open up and get honest because the abusive spouse cant handle it without getting abusive At that situation, its the abusive spouses problem only,,,they need individual therapy. Some therapists are coached by their agencies to keep hanging onto clients. Some are threatened with termination unless they see a client for a certain number of sessions. This happened to me at an agency and I ended up leaving rather than being dishonest to the couples I was seeing. Some therapists in private practice are tempted to hang onto clients because of the horrible rate of pay by insurance companies and NO PAY for the hour if a couple "no shows" or late cancels...Thats alot of lost income and wasted time...sometimes, half of my clients would "no show" often if they were new ones I hadnt seen before. I dont support hanging onto clients like that but can understand how some would do that just to survive financially and pay their bills. The public has no idea how difficult it can be financially to survive working as a therapist.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 283 (view)

Why men don't marry anymore Posted: 1/26/2009 5:26:10 PM
forum. I totally agree with you that younger women act pretty rediculous about planning their wedding. Im planning mine now and I cant stand to be around most of the younger bride to bes Privately, Id like to go up and slap them when they have a meltdown and tell them to chill out, life is short...haha I hate those wedding expo shows because one is surrounded by dumb 20 something women who are so obsessed about what they will "look like" and how everything will be done to impress others rather than doing what they really want. They are so immature and insecure about themselves you know their marriage wont last. As a 40 something woman planning her first wedding, I dont sweat the small stuff. And I want to be around women who can do the same.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 132 (view)

after 40 it is really hard to find a date Posted: 1/18/2009 7:07:39 PM
fra59....I dont think all older women are like the way you describe. But what I did find in my 20s and 30s is that alot of men preferred those same women who are are traditional and play by the old rules Alot of us single women who were hardworking, active with alot of interests, innovative and thought for ourselves and had a pretty much egalitarian view of relationships between the sexes were overlooked for the more traditional women. Then after a decade or so of marriage I saw alot of men hate it because she become so dependent and her interests only included the kids...They also complained that she got fat and didnt share the same interests as them, like hiking and travel. While us single women who were rejected in our 20s quietly carved out a high quality life for ourselves by creating a rewording career, , doing alot of travel, going on hiking trips, and volunteer activites. Now in my 40s, I was suddenly a hotter commodity by the same divorced men who would have rejected me in my 20s. But then the tables were turned and it was them who were stuck in the old ways with painful reminders of their exes and single women in the 40s didnt want anything to do with them. You should have grabbed us while you could...haha

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 101 (view)

Would You Travel Hundreds Of Miles For A First Date? Posted: 1/10/2009 12:24:17 AM
Absolutely...I met my fiancee this way.....I traveled alone to meet him..But then Im pretty smart about safety, have excellent boundaries,know how to set limits with people and have good instincts.....I had friends who said "Dont go, its not safe!" but then were okay when they heard we were staying in seperate places......I stayed in a nice bed and breakfast and he ended up staying all nite there talking most of the night.....Our hosts were wonderful ...Weve known each other almost 2 years now..Go with your instincts on this. Meet in a safe place...do several long distance "dates" over weekends. Spend some holidays together. If its still a green light, proceed to bigger things. Do everyday things together..that gives you lots of chances to see how each of you handles conflict and problem solves.. We picked out flooring for his house and painted the inside. When I saw how we handled that, , I knew we would be able to handle any type of problem that came along the way. If you know yourself well, what your strengths and weaknesses are, what kinds of people make you feel safe and comfortable, and what type of person you are compatible with, you can work out the day to day problems. Thats exackly what we are doing now and its working out fine. And let nature takes its course. Its the match that matters, not how far away you live from one another. I had dates with men who lived 15 minutes from me that I knew werent good after dating them only a few times. I didnt need to live with them and do the day to day things to figure that out. I could tell almost immediately whether or not we were compatible and able to work thru problems or if the differences were too big. Eye contact, reluctance to be honest, certain hangups due to exes or their kids, obsessions and views on women, how well they respected me, it was all there for me to evaluate and decide if we had a working team approach to work thru problems or not. You dont need to date someone long to see that, especially if you are past 40. Yes, the worlds a scarey place and the internet attracts all kinds of crazies but if you are streetsmart and stay safe, it gives you the chance to have the relationship of a lifetime if the match is there... Think about what you would have missed if you didnt take the chance.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 49 (view)

Old Fashion Dating Posted: 1/10/2009 12:20:28 AM
bikeman...Part of the problem is just what you said. That women "should" feel this way or that. Thats disrespectful and discounting of her feelings. She feels a certain way based on her own experiences that are different than yours...deal with your baggage on that, accept it and move on. You decide if her feelings are something you can/want to handle. You arent going to change her by telling her how she "should" feel so accept it or see someone else... Some men dont listen to how women really feel. Or they try to "fix" them. That doesnt encourage women to open up and be honest with men if they are told they "should" feel this way or that. Rather they pull away from you emotionally and distance themselves from you, being less than honest because you arent listening and respecting them. Why should they ? Making the men scratch their heads and wonder why shes doing that So its a two way street here.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

Old Fashion Dating Posted: 1/7/2009 6:19:53 PM
bikeman..Telling the OP that she "should" feel flattered is a mute point and no amount of lecturing will "make" her feel that way. She doesnt feel that way, so accept it and support her feelings on that. Or would you rather her fake it and lie it to you? I think not.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 300 (view)

Has feminism destroyed all men? Posted: 12/7/2008 7:57:37 PM
Nothing wrong with different but equal but what tends to happen with women is the "different" about them gets singled out as "less than" or invisible compared to men. Chick flicks are considered "less than" macho disaster flicks looked at as the norm that "everyone" goes to see. Professional womens sports is considered "less than" professional mens sports as evidenced by the money, prestige, media visability and fan attendance. Only men can particpate in professional mens sports teams like basketball and baseball and football that earn the big bucks. There is no equivilent for women.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 293 (view)

Has feminism destroyed all men? Posted: 12/3/2008 8:05:19 AM
"a good feminist is still a rung or two lower than a decent person" Wow...So having dreams for myself and wanting a good life for myself and appreciating what feminists did for me regarding my education, career, finances, housing and ability to control my own life and destiny without asking permission from a man makes me less than a decent person????? Im less than a decent person because I want men to enjoy a better relationship with women who in turn are happier and healthier? What a woman hater here! Why arent more picking up on THAT? According to him, women are dispised for being strong and healthy in the f.ucked up sick patriarchy. Too bad. Im not giving up my health cos you cant deal with it. Grow up and get over your fear of women or move aside, dinosaur.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 291 (view)

Has feminism destroyed all men? Posted: 12/2/2008 5:22:47 PM
Not all of us believe in a patriarchal Bible that says Eve was created out of man. Many believe in evolution and biology that states one woman created men, not the other way around. Biologically, how can any man "give birth" to a woman? Its not possible. Chickie: Feminism didnt create bad marriages. Those were there long before feminism. When women were trapped in bad, abusive marriages because they had no where else to go and had no means of supporting themselves. Id rather live in a time where I dont have to be trapped like that. Im sure it was horrible, judging from the older women Ive spoken with who lived thru it. Feminism gave women a choice to leave an abusive marriage or not marry at all. Thats what its really all about. Successes and freedoms and gained privledges of ordinary women due to early feminists. Not focusing on and demonizing radicals whose agenda is harmful to both sexes.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 276 (view)

Has feminism destroyed all men? Posted: 11/30/2008 5:35:48 PM
Still sounds like to me that any man who cant appreciate a woman living her own life on her own terms wants someone LESS than him that he can be the boss over and feel superior towards because of his own insecurity and immaturity. So glad I dont have that or that Im supposed to "hold back" and fake it and lie it so he can think Im feminine. I never learned to be a doormat or to think negative of myself, always cutting myself down. I think Im much too healthy for most men. Sad that some equate womens' healthy thinking and decision making the same as being "dissed" Really shows the yardstick of internalized sexism there. BTW chickie Some women arent meant to sacrifice their careers for children. Even thou they still want children. Just like some men. Some men are more suited to stay home while women work outside the home. Its a matter of preference and personality and temperament. We are individuals first with different temperaments and personalities and women second. Would you really want a woman staying home full time with her children even thou she feels miserable doing it? Sacrificing while you hate what you are doing and feel trapped isnt good for anyone. How is that really helpful to her children? How is that helpful to her spouse? Its better to be honest about what you really want and what your needs are and go from there. That is a win win situation where everyone benefits.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 271 (view)

Has feminism destroyed all men? Posted: 11/21/2008 11:49:07 AM
They are braver than me. I couldnt stand being around all those ignorant rednecks who think they know a woman better than her own self. I couldnt wait to get the hell out of there. Everytime I visit home, I see that it only gets worse.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 269 (view)

Has feminism destroyed all men? Posted: 11/21/2008 6:06:34 AM
a domestic violence shelter and counseling center that is run by a feminist in Dallas? I dont think so... Feminists wouldnt last one day in that state. I grew up there. People need to understand its another world down there.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 266 (view)

Has feminism destroyed all men? Posted: 11/20/2008 5:57:41 PM
I always have to wonder when some men ask this question: How can me having the freedom to obtain an education, career, my own house, pay for my own vacations, move where I want to, when I want to, ect, "destroy" men?? Feminism gave me all those rights. Why is me having that threatening to some men? Sounds pathetic and reeks of insecurity and immaturity to me.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 394 (view)

Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married? Posted: 11/20/2008 4:42:47 PM
Which is why this Southern girl moved from the South at age 23, as soon as she could. I was never made to feel like a freak when I lived in Mass and was single/never married and I dont feel that living in Maryland either. There were many activities for single people, especially single women. Im glad I missed all the crap never married women get there. I could never live in the South again. Too backwards, too Republican , too Fundamentalist Christian and I have nothing in common with 90% of the women there.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 388 (view)

Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married? Posted: 11/18/2008 6:25:54 AM
I dont think one has to have kids to develop compassion and a broader outlook on life. Ive met alot of single people without kids who live by example of that everyday and self absorbed married people with kids whos lives revolve around status and keeping up with the Jones, especially regarding their kids. Its a real turnoff for those of us who dont have kids and wish to live our lives more simply and graciously.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 61 (view)

Is dressing for comfort instead of style and fashion really a crime? Posted: 11/17/2008 6:39:03 AM
I think women are pressured to dress uncomfortable by the media in ways that men arent. Women are told they dress "dumpy" or like a little girl if they dress comfortably. An example of this is when Michelle Obama wore a beautiful black and hot pink silk dress one nite along with black sling back flats. The media said she didnt look "sophisticated" and "old "enough because she wasnt wearing a severe looking uncomfortable suit with those good aweful high heeled pointy toed shoes! I m 47, dress just like Michelle and would never be caught dead in those pointy toed shoes that squish ones toes into a triangle. I thought, "More power to her..This is how 40 something women dress like!"

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 380 (view)

Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married? Posted: 11/17/2008 6:29:10 AM
Actually, the people Ive been around with who have kids are also very much into "me" and "myself" It just involves their kids and their lifestyle and usually putting you, the date, last in their lives. Us single people without kids also have to take up the slack at work when those with kids have to take off for emergencies or things that deal with their children. We most certainly do share with parents, we do their share of the work on the job when they are with their kids.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 771 (view)

Dating Someone On Welfare ** Posted: 11/12/2008 6:17:14 PM
kellygirl You need to read Nickel and Dimed: On Not Getting By in America Flipping burgers isnt the way out of poverty. Theres no security there or ability to survive on what one is paid. Get real here. Its a dead end job where most workers have to choose between utilities and food for their children. God forbid if a child gets sick and the mother has to take off work to care for her child. Then shes fired from that dead end job and replaced by another widget. Ive worked with countless single mothers who work in dead end hospital jobs and service jobs who were fired for taking time off to care for a sick child. How come that predicament is never addressed with the criticisers.?? Why are employers allowed to get away with THAT? People like to preach and dictate what others "should" do but when asked about the specifics and complexities of actually doing the job and it fails due to no fault of their own, then they have no answers! And they dont hold the employer accountable for THEIR actions either.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 758 (view)

Dating Someone On Welfare ** Posted: 11/3/2008 8:27:21 AM
rock man:..."I shouldnt need to write out my own personal experience" Neither should people on welfare. "I know where Im coming from!" So do people are welfare. "I feel no need to share a sad story from my past" Neither do alot of people on welfare, especially when they know they are going to be judged and stereotyped and not listened to. Communication Breakdown 101

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 225 (view)

why men run away when they see a pic Posted: 11/3/2008 8:24:13 AM
Cindy. Thats a big reason to be thankful one is over 40. The young are obsessed with what their friends and family think of them and their decisions. Amazing how they let that dictate their lives. "but they wont like me or approve of me or will harrass me if I date him!"

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 219 (view)

why men run away when they see a pic Posted: 11/2/2008 6:02:39 PM
Consider it a compliment and favor if a man makes a immature ,snap judgement about your looks without even speaking to you and getting to know you as a person Those men are just thinking with their wangers or want a Stepford trophy wife . They dont have the integrity or stellar goods to deserve you. Its his loss.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 756 (view)

Dating Someone On Welfare ** Posted: 11/2/2008 5:33:05 PM
Amazing here how many people think they know whats in the mind and heart of someone on welfare. Without ever having to walk a mile in their shoes or speak with them. Incredible ignorance, selfishness, arrogance,shallowness and stupidity. That sickens me. No wonder our society is so screwed up and mean spirited. Some would rather die than show compassion for someone else. To do so might mean they would (gasp!) learn something about someone that they didnt know before. Its not "politically correct" to do so. They judge and criticize and are the "experts" on the motivations of others without knowing what the full story is. Appearances are very deceiving but youd never know it when listening to the "experts" here. Sad. And yet. Words of wisdom tell us that the way to feel better about yourself is help someone else. To learn to listen and shut up instead of lecturing and talking down to others. Alot of miserable, misguded dummies in the world Ebeneezer Scrooge is alive and well. Hardship and unplanned disasters will always be with us. History continues to repeat itself in its errors of the foolish..

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 747 (view)

Dating Someone On Welfare ** Posted: 10/31/2008 8:53:45 AM
Vuitton. Not everything in life is a Sego video game. Get real here. Your childhood is supposed to be over by now

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 736 (view)

Dating Someone On Welfare Posted: 10/30/2008 1:19:45 PM
Vitton..So, Shes responsible if he leaves her and her children? I dont think so. Women are never responsible for the actions of men. That is his fault and his responsibility to take care of his children. If he cant, he needs to keep his wanger in his pants. He is the one that got her pregnant. Sorry but women arent breeders putting their children up for adoption because immature, ignorant men decide to leave them. They arent mind readers either. Men have to take responsibility for their actions, just like women do. The world does not revolve around you. Grow up

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 729 (view)

Dating Someone On Welfare Posted: 10/29/2008 4:38:05 PM
Someone elses mistake?. Give me a break here. It takes two to have a baby. Women dont get pregnant on their own, men make them that way. You never answered the difficult question of hows a woman supposed to work full time and be with her children full time with NO help from anyone. What about the father? Why should I have to see her for depression and poverty in my office because of HIS decision to leave her and HIS mistake??????? Why dont you ask about him and make him pay for his children rather than putting it all on the woman. Men would whine and complain if they had to do that. Immature, me first babies they are. Typical male response. If it were you and your situation, youd be saying how unfair women are. My head spins just thinking how quick youd complain if her unsupervised children got into trouble while she was at job working full time. If shes at home with her kids and no supports, youd whine and complain about having to support her kids. Women cant be at two places at the same time. CAN YOU??? Sexist double standard

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 727 (view)

Dating Someone On Welfare Posted: 10/29/2008 3:02:58 PM
Loius..Vitton... YOU raise children full time AND work full time without help from any woman or partner. See how easy that is. Id like to see the majority of men do that. Just because a woman isnt working outside the home doesnt mean shes NOT working her mom shift 24/7 DUH. Most women are trying their best to do both but often cannot afford to do both. either their children suffer if they arent home or they suffer when they arent working full time. Its damned if she damned if shes doesnt. Ever care for a newborn or sick child and be up at 6 again for a full time job. For the next 18 years???? You try working two full time jobs, one of which is 24/7. People who havent been there are clueless. As a man youd expect your wife to stay home full time while YOU work fulltime or share childcare with you 50/50 if she works but if a woman has no partner and has to stay home to care for her children, thats considered wrong. Male privledge sure looks ugly here. You must have come of age during the Reagan Administration.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 721 (view)

Dating Someone On Welfare Posted: 10/28/2008 6:32:40 PM
Statistics show the women on welfare have an average of 1.8 kids. NOT 3, 4, , 5 kids....Get educated please. Geez, people stop your mean spirited ignorant stereotyping. Corporate welfare from health insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies take far more money from you than the one percent of the federal budget used for welfare. Why arent the complainers looking at THAT?????

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 717 (view)

Dating Someone On Welfare Posted: 10/16/2008 6:28:08 PM
The idea that single moms are "sitting around on welfare doing nothing" is a myth propagated by conservative politics here over the last 20 years..A big reason why alot of 20 somethings think of it that way..They grew up during the Reagan Administration and his constant hounding and demonization of the welfare "queens" But anyone with kids knows that raising a child is a full time job.....24/7. No single mother is ever just sitting around doing nothing. Shes working her butt off at home and deserves that check. A check that takes 1% of the federal budget as opposed to corporate welfare that takes alot more of your money. But of course the conservatives dont want you to know that.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

Women going to bars alone Posted: 10/13/2008 7:20:08 PM
My favorite blues band played at the neighborhood club I went to. I was there to listen to the music and chat with friends I knew there. Who cares if I went alone? Is someone worried I would try to pick someone up? Sometimes I think we live with the more sanitized, sophisticated Taliban where womens actions are still more suspisciously watched than mens are. Theres still a trace of that here in the Western world. Why would I stay home because someone thought I "shouldnt" be there because I was a woman or I must be there to pick someone up? Thats their problem, not mine.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 256 (view)

Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married? Posted: 10/9/2008 4:55:38 PM
I am 47 years and have never been married....Im engaged to be married now....Its unbelievable what Im reading here, some people thinking there is something "wrong" with me because I didnt impulsively marry when younger.....So many women my age did that and are now divorced....I made my own way thru life, sent myself to school and provided for myself....I didnt hold out for prince charming to do everything for me, I was secure about myself.......I didnt "settle" for someone who wasnt right for me just to have children...Alot of women I know did that..So....What the heck is wrong with my choices?...I thought men liked that...

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

Women going to bars alone Posted: 10/9/2008 3:10:14 PM
wow...what sexism on this thread...so its okay for a man to go to a bar but not a woman?...BS I went to my favorite Blues Bar alone alot when I lived in Hyannis. The music was awesome. No one thought I was there to pick someone up. The world doesnt revolve around your dick

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 41 (view)

Fiance in rehab.. what to do when he comes back? Posted: 10/6/2008 8:34:45 AM
That quack doctor who prescribed him those unlimited addictive Xanax is just as much at fault here. Especially when theres other less addictive antianxiety meds he could have tried. Why didnt he try him on Klonopin instead?

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 34 (view)

Fiance in rehab.. what to do when he comes back? Posted: 10/2/2008 2:25:51 PM
His doctor stopped giving him Xanax? Why was he given it in the first place? Xanax is very highly addictive. No doctor in their right mind should be giving monthly Rx of it. There are several anti anxiety meds that are alot safer than Xanax. He should investigate that Sounds like he has a tough road ahead of him. Xanax is a very difficult addiction to break.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 477 (view)

Were women better off 50 years ago? Posted: 10/2/2008 2:18:13 PM
That man who claimed that beautiful women are treated better by men than so called ugly ones needs to have his head examined. Ive worked with many, many physically beautiful women who were beaten, raped, verbally abused, cheated on and lied to by men...Some while they were pregnant. Ive worked with many many homely women who were treated like queens by their male partners. Beauty of women has nothing to do with how men treat women. Ignorance and low self esteem and fear of womens power most certainly do. Lets work on improving those things.

capegardengirl

Joined: 4/29/2006

Msg: 377 (view)

Were women better off 50 years ago? Posted: 9/29/2008 7:04:05 PM
cuban.....No, .Its not the "right thing to do " for many women to be tied to the career and divorced with children in a day care, just because they desire a life where they can call the shots for themselves. It takes to two people to have and raise a child, not just one mother devoting her time to her family. Fathers should be asked the same questions you do of women regarding THEIR choices and THEIR autonomy. Why is it that the only the womens choices are scrutinized and questioned and blamed for the "breakdown of the family"? Dont link womens desire for equlity and escape from spousal abuse and lack of economic and educational freedoms with that. Im so glad I could attend grad school and travel where I want when I want without the permission of a father or male relative. Im thankful I can get credit in my own name and buy a house on my own and take a job anywhere I want. Im thankful for legal and assessable birth control and abortion. Feminists were the reason I got to where I am today. With a fiancee with adores me and the fact that I can and do stand on my own two feet without him feeling insecure or "attacked" because of that. What a freaken annoying burden that would be to have to "hold back" because of his ego and insecurities Women before me were instructed by their mothers to do that all the time. "dont be too capable or smart or men wont like you!" Yuk! That doesnt mean I dont have any morals and that doing the above things you mentioned is the right thing to do for me.....Or that I dont want or appreciate mens compliments on how I look...get real here, quit throwing the baby out with the bathwater and quit the stereotyping To those men out there who said they wont change for women. Thats your choice but remember it takes two to make and keep a relationship. Its a question of give and take, not one person doing all the demanding and taking while at the same time insisting the other person doesnt grow, change or have needs. If your not willing to bend for her, she wont be willing to bend for you. You have to learn to treat women with respect as people, not a person whos there to wait on you and look good beside you. Shes not your mother. Often that means you the man have to change somewhat if you want a relationship. Dont forget shes changing for you, at your insistance. Maybe thats the reason you are alone.

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