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Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 127 (view)

Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 5/20/2009 8:03:13 PM
Thanks scaredem! "When it comes to relationships and emotions we all learn in our own time".....this is SO true. It wasn't easy !!!

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 124 (view)

Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 5/19/2009 8:47:45 PM
It was really nice to read your post, ArtistYvie. Always interested in reading other people's experience with respect to this. All the best to you too in your life and future. Both of us deserve a wonderful man....take care :)

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 122 (view)

Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 5/18/2009 12:34:53 PM
Wow, its been over 2 & a half years since I first wrote this posting....and its been over 6 months since I had any communication with the guy I referred to in this posting. Unfortunately, the relationship did not last. However, I learned a lot from this experience. Though I had great times with him, I would never again put myself in this kind of situation ever again. It was very hard for me emotionally. It doesn't matter whether he called it a "relationship", I thought it was.....we did everything a couple does....and no, it was not just "sex".....there were lots of times when we just chilled out and just enjoyed each other's company. And yes, there was one point in our relationship that he did tell me that he loved me...and he did say it a few times afterwards. However, I realize that he was not giving me what I wanted, needed, and deserved, so I finally decided that enough was enough, and I made the decision to end this relationship. I wanted & deserved to meet someone that would be happy to show me off, and not be afraid to call me his girlfriend. I have no regrets, and I just take this relationship as a learning experience...and I know one day, I'll meet a wonderful guy that's right for me. I am now enjoying my single life !!!

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 90 (view)

Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 1/21/2007 8:49:01 PM
Serendipity: I agree! We're both worth more than this! But you know what? Its hard to just walk away when I really liked the guy. Though we had this open conversation about "us" over a month ago, we have recently started to see each other again. In fact, yesterday night after a long day of working overtime, I went over to his place, and he had a nice dinner ready for me. We had a good time, went out dancing, and then I spend the night at his place. I left his place early this afternoon. Just before I left, I asked him if he could admit that he has feelings for me. To my surprise, he actually "YES" that that he has feelings for me. That I should know that already. He just doesn't cook dinner for just anyone. Or have anyone spend the night. However, he told me that he doesn't want to talk about this. That it's hard for him to talk about feelings and emotions. So at that remark, I decided to drop the subject, and left his place by telling him that I had a great time with him, and he told me that he also had a great time with me! I hope things work out for you. Good luck too!

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

How do you really know when a guy is lying? cheating? Posted: 1/7/2007 10:11:20 PM
You don't. It's really hard to know. But if you suspect something, I would trust how you feel. The last guy I dated I suspected that there was something going on between him, and a girl that supposely was just a friend. I asked him several times about it, and he always looked straight at me, and told me that they were just friends. In the end, I found out that I was right on about their relationship being more than just friendship. Trust your gut !!!!

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 107 (view)

He got scared! Posted: 1/7/2007 9:56:28 PM
This is so hard. We are really good friends. Deep down inside, I want more. But I know, I can't change the way he feels. We spend most of the weekend together. We went to see a movie, had lunch & dinner, took a long walk, and shared very nice conversations. We click in so many ways. But I know that he is scared too commit. It sucks!!!!

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 224 (view)

3 dates and you're out- a mans rule.. Posted: 12/27/2006 5:50:55 PM
That's a bunch of crap. If that rule were true, then I would have never had all my long-term relationships. If after 3 dates, the man does not want to see me anymore because I would not have sex with him, then in my books, he is not worth it...PERIOD!

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 106 (view)

He got scared! Posted: 12/18/2006 8:33:26 PM
bike_man Yes, this is the 'friends with benefits" guy. Oh, I just received a Christmas card today from him telling me that I will always be someone special! .....And I'm thinking to myself "I just don't get him!!!!!!"

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 100 (view)

He got scared! Posted: 12/18/2006 3:22:17 PM
Update: Less than a week ago, this guy told me that we are getting a bit too serious again, and that it is time to end this NOW since he cannot and does not want to start having feelings/emotions for me. It is not something that he does. So, it's better to end this before any feelings/emotions happen. He told me that he would never commit to me or anyone. He did it once, and he got screwed big time (child support & spousal support). He is the most happiest alone. He does not have to answer to anyone! And this is what he wants. He admits that he has issues, but he doesn't want to resolve them. So that's that!

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 88 (view)

Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 12/15/2006 10:53:34 AM
Okay...well in my case, our non-labelled relationship just ended last night. I finally had the courage to ask him about the status of our relationship. And just like I expected, he got freaked out. He doesn't understand why girls have to label what's going on. He told me straightout that he will never commit to me, or any girl for that matter. He is the happiest when he is alone, without anybody to answer to. He never wants to get engaged, or get married. It's not him. He tried once this committment thing, and it went totally bad (child & spousal support), and he has no interest in any of that again. He does not want it...PERIOD!!! He told me that I was the 1st person in a very long time, that he spend so much time with, and this was not the norm for him. And it is now starting to freak him out again, just like the 1st time we were seeing each other back in May & June. He then told me that we should just be friends (no sex), and that's all! He told me that he never ever considered me his girlfriend, and that if I were to meet someone tomorrow, that he would be okay with it. To him, we were getting just too close, and the thought of having "emotions" scared the hell out of him....so its better to stop now. He admitted to me that he has issues that he should resolved but for now, he doesn't care about resolving them. He likes his freedom!!!! He told me that he thinks I'm a very nice girl, attractive, smart, and independent, and that he would be very happy for me if I meet a guy that is looking for the same things as I am. He ended the conversation by saying that he thinks that we could remain the best of friends for a lifetime, since we get along very well. We have fun together. I'm low maintenance, and we basically enjoy each other's company. But he will definitely miss the sex!!!!

spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 206 (view)

Good Kissing = Good Sex? Posted: 12/12/2006 5:49:09 AM
YES, I agree! The way someone kisses tells you a lot! Great kissing brings out the passion and fire in the love-making session.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 85 (view)

Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 11/23/2006 10:39:10 AM
kronos69: I don't think he is seeing other people since we spend a lot of time together. Back in August and until mid September, I know that he was seeing an older women that lives in his building, but that's done with now.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 84 (view)

Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 11/23/2006 5:37:12 AM
Practically Housebroken: "Enjoy the moments".....that's what I have been trying to do, BUT sometimes its hard because you're not sure where this relationship is going. I'm labelling it a FWB situation because when we started seeing each other again in August, we agreed that we were going to be FWB only. However, deep down inside, I really wanted more, and I still do.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 79 (view)

Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 11/21/2006 6:20:11 AM
ilegion: The first time we were together, I was more open with my feelings, and actually had a few talks with him about our relationship, and it backfired. He got scared and pushed me away, and fell into the hands of another woman that lives in his building because he felt that with her, there was no issues of committment, and it was just physical, no "emotions" involved. This time around, I'm hesitate to really open up to him by having talks about "us". I don't like it, but that's how I feel.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 77 (view)

Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 11/21/2006 5:50:17 AM
MisterCharmer (post 71): That is so true men get so frightened by "the talk"! And women want reassurance by having "the talk". I just had a mini talk with him this past Sunday, and I feel that I might have scared him a bit, but not sure.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 74 (view)

Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 11/19/2006 12:21:32 PM
I was with him this morning, but I couldn't stay long, because his ex, and his daughter were going to come over to his place very soon. He was going to spend the day with his daughter. I was in a wierd mood with him because of the uncertainty I was feeling about what was going on with us, and whether I should really continue. Just before I left, I decided to finally ask him something to get a better idea on what he is thinking about us. I said "Do you think of me as your ** buddy?" His answer was "No". And I said "Really?" He then said, "Do you honestly think that I would buy gifts, plan a vacation, have you spend nights, eat dinner with you, and do stuff with you, if I thought of you as buddy?" "** buddies don't do those things. They don't spend a lot of time together! We're beyond that level. There's emotion involved!" I then said, "Okay....then what do you think of me as?" He said, "Like a girlfriend, but like I said at the coffee shop after we broke up in the end of June, I am complicated! I liked you too much, I got scared, and I pushed you away. I'm afraid to get close." That's the way I am!" I then said "You don't have to be scared of me!" He then said, " Well, that's what all girls say, but then they screw you over!" (When he said this statement he was referring to about the BAD experience he had with his ex!) At this point, he told me that I should leave as his ex, and his daughter would be coming over very soon....so I left. Right now, I'm at home, wondering whether I should continue the conversation with him the next time I see him, OR should I just leave it alone, and just enjoy my time with him! Or should I just back away? Not sure what to do!

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 63 (view)

Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 11/17/2006 7:09:20 PM
imsneaky, you're right, once you start feeling this way, its not fun anymore. It's an awful feeling !!!!!!!! at the beginning of our fwb's relationship (in August), he told me on several occasions that if he met someone, and he was going to sleep with them, he would let me know. However, I noticed that he no longer says that to me. Just a couple of hours ago, he called me and left a voice message, saying that he was planning to go Christmas shopping tomorrow, and wanted to know what I wanted for Christmas? I was surprise to know that I was on his Christmas list!!! Oh...I so confused!!!! Don't know if I should really continue this?

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 61 (view)

Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 11/17/2006 6:12:40 PM
Well, if he ask me "WHY are things ending?", I don't really know what to say to him. Right now, I plan to keep my distance, and try to keep busy by doing things that don't involve him. Yes, we are planning a vacation this January but it has not been booked yet. A part of me feels like maybe by going on this vacation, it will be a turning point for us (for the better I hope?). Another part, of me feels what's the point of going with him, when I feel like we don't have a real relationship! To tell you the truth, I'm confused. Part of me, wants to continue with him. Another part wants to end this.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 60 (view)

what is your take on mini skirts? Posted: 11/17/2006 5:14:09 PM
Nothing wrong with mini skirts. If you think you look good in one (regardless of age), wear them. I tend to wear them when I go out dancing because I think I have great legs. And if guys notice me, then all the better:) Makes me feel attractive. And no, I don't think wearing mini-skirts makes a person less moral. No guy I have dated ever had a problem with me wearing mini-skirts!

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 55 (view)

Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 11/17/2006 5:51:27 AM
I have decided that I'm going to end my relationship with this guy. The last couple of nights, I have realized that I'm really falling for this guy, and it really bothers me everytime I think that I'm just a temporary thing for this guy, and that he has not developed any true feelings for me. So, I'm going to just let it go, and concentrate on other things besides him. Or else, I think I'm going to really get hurt...actually I'm already hurt. And no I'm not going to tell him how I feel OR ask him what he is feeling and thinking about "US" because I don't think I could handled his answer. So I'm just going to let go ....and try my best to go on.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 53 (view)

Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 11/15/2006 6:14:08 AM
Arealangel: Thank you for your sweet words. Yes, I thought it was also sweet for him to take me out to celebrate our 6 months together. He didn't have to do it...but he did! I had such a wonderful time with him.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 48 (view)

Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 11/13/2006 9:02:05 AM
Bike Man, I know I should communicate my feelings to this guy, but I'm afraid about what I will hear. It just that we have been having such a good time together that I just want to enjoy it for what it is worth. I do know that I'm on his Christmas list... if that counts for anything?

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Found out information about new guy that I'm dating.... Posted: 11/13/2006 8:51:34 AM
Okay...I thought I write an update. It has now been quite a few months since I found out information about the guy I was seeing. At that time, I was told that there is a woman in his building that he slept with, and that they still remain very good friends. I suspected then that there was something going on, but I decided to believe the guy I was seeing when he told me that he never slept with her, and that nothing ever went on between them. Well we went out for a couple of months, and he ended the relationship at the end of June because he told me he liked me so much, that he got scared, and he decided to end things for fear of committment. Well, during the summer I did find out that he was sleeping with the woman in his building just prior to us meeting and dating, and soon after he broke up with me, he slept with her again. I was hurt because all along I believed him when he told me that he never slept with her. I found out over a month after we broke up, and just when we started seeing each other again, but as friends with benefits. This woman got so upset when she realized that I was still in this guy's life, and this is when I realized that there must have been something more than just friendship between the guy I was seeing and this woman in his building. I was right, and he finally admitted that he slept with her. He told me that he slept with her because it was convenient, and that he felt sorry for her. Since he was not into commitment, it seemed like the perfect solution for him. She is much older (46 years old). He's 35. And she has 3 kids. And he always made it clear to her that nothing will ever come out of this. Well, to make a long story short, he no longers talks to the woman in his building because she became crazy when she realized that we were seeing each other again. She assumed that when he broke up with me in the end of June that he was going to be with her ONLY, and make a committment to her. And that was far from the truth. We are seeing each other now, and though we started again back in August as just "friends with benefits", it feels like we have gotten closer over the last 3 months. Sometimes it feels so nice & real but other times, I'm confused because deep down inside, I want a loving, long-term relationship! But I know that he has issues with commitment, so I'm not really sure how this relationship will turn out in the end.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 41 (view)

Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 11/9/2006 6:04:15 AM
We are now planning a vacation down south, sometime in January 2007. I am having mixed emotions. I should be happy that I will be spending a lot of time with someone I have strong feelings for, but at the same time, I am sad because I do not know for certain how he feels about me, and our "non-labelled" relationship.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 98 (view)

He got scared! Posted: 11/6/2006 10:46:23 AM
Well...it has been over 4 months since my boyfriend broke things off with me because he was scared of committment. Since then, we have become really good friends. We have spend the last few weekends together. It almost seems like we're a couple again, though no words have been spoken to make "our relationship" official. I am finding myself getting more & more attached to this guy even though I know I shouldn't for fear of getting hurt again. I want to ask him straight out the "status" of our relationship but I'm afraid to do so because the last time I did that, he got scared and ended things. So here am wondering "Am I wasting my time with him"? "Is it possible that he will want a relationship with me, and NOT be afraid to make a committment with me???"

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 10/30/2006 6:09:26 AM
who knows_28......we did not start off as FWB. We met through a mutual friend at a dance club, and right away, there was chemistry between the 2 of us. We dated for 2 months before he broke it off with me. He told me that he liked me so much that he got scared! He is scared of committment. After about a month later (early August), I was the one that suggested the FWB and he pretty much jumped at my suggestion. However, sometime early this month (October), I noticed that we have become closer, and I think that JUST maybe his feelings have grown to the point that he might actually view me as his girlfriend...though he has never actually said this.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 10/30/2006 5:53:53 AM
Misty62......I know...I was thinking the same thing before I decided to post this thread. I really do want something long-term & committed, and being FWB is not really what I want. If I knew 100% that he wanted something serious with me, I would not have a profile on here, but this is not the case, so I keep my profile on here to keep my options open. I know it probably does not look good! But my intentions are good.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 10/26/2006 9:18:00 AM
Thanks b1965w for your reply. I am not pressuring him. I'm just enjoying my time with him, and I hope that things do work out and he realizes what he has. Time will only tell. I do know that compare to a month ago, we are getting closer.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 10/26/2006 6:57:20 AM
Thanks for everyones' replies and comments. I again spend another wonderful evening with this guy. Last night, we went to dinner, had great conversations with lots of laughs, then to Salsa dance lessons, and then finally spend the night with him, cuddling and of course, great sex. It was in one word....AWESOME! I really do want to have something long-term, and until I know 110% that he wants one to, I am keeping my options open to the possibility of meeting someone else, and that is why I still have my profile on here. Of course, he has no idea that I'm on POF since we met at a dance club through a mutual friend. I'm trying to just enjoy my time with him, and just be myself, and hopefully, he'll realize that he wants to be with me!

spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Can "Friends with Benefits" turn into a Serious Relationship? Posted: 10/25/2006 10:55:11 AM
How realistic is it for "friends with benefits" to actually become a serious relationship? I am currently spending a lot of my time with this guy that I use to date for a couple of months (May 2006 & June 2006) then he broke it off because of being scared to commit. We then started seeing each other again in August but as "friends with benefits". We talk every day, spend the weekends together, have nice dinners, see movies, and basically do things that couples in long-term relationship do, but we are not labelled as such. In the past couple of weeks, I have noticed that we have become closer, in terms of how he relates to me. He feels totally at ease when he's with me. This past weekend, he took me out to celebrate 6 months of knowing each other. And I'm thinking to myself, "do "Friends with Benefits" celebrate such things or could there be a chance that a relationship could develop into something more serious? I really hope so? I know I could ask him straightout about the status of our relationship but I'm afraid that will freak him out since I know that he has "committment issues". And by bringing this topic up, that might scare him. So I am wondering "Am I wasting my time on this guy". How realistic is it for a "friends with benefits" relationship to turn into a serious long-term committed relationship? I should add that besides having fantastic sex, we have a lot of great conversations, and we truly enjoy each other's company. We have shared lot of laughs, and always there to help each other out when the other needs it.

spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Asking a guy you just met to go with you to a wedding. Posted: 8/14/2006 6:42:50 AM
I had a fun time with him that night! We dated afterwards but unfortunately we are no longer together.

spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 95 (view)

He got scared! Posted: 8/4/2006 9:04:31 PM
Chattyme: Oh mine !!!! When I read your story, it really does reassemble what I'm going through. He told me that he had a very awful experience with his ex, and that unless you been through something like what he did, that I could not possibly understand the fear and anxiety that he was experiencing just before he decided that it was best to break up with me. He told me that he really did like me, and that I was the first girl that he developed real strong feelings for since his ex, and that scared him, and it brought memories of his ex...the restrictions! When we were dating, a couple of his female friends did mention to me that if I was looking for "commitment" that he was not the type. I was surprised to hear they say that, because he really seem to truly like me by his words and actions. To me, it seemed like we were on the same page as far as how this relationship was going. He was the one pursuing me, calling me, text messaging me, wanting to spend a lot of time with me, and he told me that I was "always welcome" at his place....to drop by anytime. He constantly told me how much he liked me, and that he was so comfortable with me. Now I know that he is scared about being in a commited relationship. His views about a happy relationship lasting forever is very negative. He rather be on his own...without commitment. He told me that it's simple that way. And he would not have to ever go through what he did with his ex ever again. I know that he feels very bitter towards his ex, by the way he talks about her. The only reason he still sees his ex, is because they have a two-year daughter together. Otherwise, he has no desire to see her. Like I said previously, we are still speaking to each other, but just as friends. And yes, it does hurt, because I know that I can't change his mind....only he can.

spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 89 (view)

He got scared! Posted: 8/3/2006 10:34:44 AM
I am not going to put my life on hold, but I am going to be his friend. I'll be supportive, be a good listener, and just be myself!!!!

spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 84 (view)

He got scared! Posted: 8/3/2006 6:23:12 AM
What if he truly is scared to commit, not just using this as an excuse....is there anything I could do to help him with his fear? Right now, we are friends. We really do relate quite well together. We feel comfortable with each other, and would like continue to hang out with each other...however, he wants no commitment. He has admitted to me that several people close to him, told him that he has issues he needs to resolve, and that he should get therapy, or something like that, to help him with his issues. This situation real sucks, because I think we could be so great for each other, if he didn't have this overwhelming fear of commitment.

spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

He got scared! Posted: 7/20/2006 8:58:41 AM
Iris37, Things didn't end badly and I could tell from my last conversation with him that his feelings for me were geniune. I plan to do what you suggested, but no, I am not going to wait for him.

spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

He got scared! Posted: 7/20/2006 7:26:51 AM
Yes, it does suck! And you're right, someone like that doesn't come around so often. We got along so well, and we still do.

spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

He got scared! Posted: 7/20/2006 7:09:05 AM
My boyfriend ended our relationship so abruptly over the phone about 3 weeks ago with very little explanation as to "WHY?". We got together last night for the 1st time since the breakup at a coffee shop. He told me the real reason why he ended things. He said that when he first met me, he liked me, but he never expected to really fall for me to the point that he had really strong feelings for me, that he got scared...really scared. The last time he had these feelings were with his long-term relationship with his ex (the mother of his 2 year old daughter) and he got scared. He told me that I was really nice to him, and that he enjoyed all the times we spend together. However, he got scared. He's scared to commit. So, he decided to end things. I don't get it. Why stop a relationship when it is going so good? Just because you had a bad experience in your past does not mean that it will happen again. Every person is different. Yes, I still have feelings for this guy. I just wished I could do something about him being scared? Any comments / inputs?

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 174 (view)

Would you date a guy without a car Posted: 6/14/2006 3:26:56 PM
Sasslily, I agree with you completely!!! I live in North York, very close to downtown Toronto. Having a car makes it a whole lot easier getting around than walking or transit. And its not about being selfish.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Guy you're dating had himself fixed Posted: 6/12/2006 5:03:21 PM
"my cousin's husband had his reversed..........and had a blockage......had to have surgery again- but they had 2 kids. You have to talk to the guy before you go any further!! I 've gotten messages from men who don't want kids; even though I say on my profile that I do; they think that either they'll change my mind........or that I didn't mean having kids of my own I tell them right away.............not negotiable!!!" I have talked to the guy about this. He said that for the right girl, he will have it reversed. He also said that if things go the way they are now, he sees no reason, not to have it reversed. So far, things are great between the 2 of us.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 154 (view)

going over to guy's place uninvited... Posted: 6/12/2006 4:58:22 PM
"Never go over to anyone's home uninvited - doesn't matter its a he/she. That's just plain rude. I'm sure you wouldn't want people kocking at your door un-invited do you? I mean what if you're "busy"...?" I don't mind people knocking at my door uninvited!

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 45 (view)

vasectomy: turnoff or neutral? Posted: 6/11/2006 8:53:22 PM
"ok spanishtulip...i certianly hope noone rejects me because of a firtility issue...after all love is love..how would you feel if this man became fertile again only to find out you couldnt have children...and he dumped you??life doesnt always work out the way we want it too so if you are truly inlove with this guy then you will find a way to resolve it." I want children, so I would not want to be with someone that got himself fixed and was not willing to reverse it. He made the choice to get this operation, so I have the choice to not continue the relationship since having children is important to me, and in all honestly, I will not be happy in the long run, because the door to children would have been shut right from the start. If on the other hand, I was with someone that couldn't have children, not because he had himself fixed but because that's the way it was, I would stay with him because it is not his fault. Having a vasectomy is the guy's choice. It is not something that you just do without really thinking about it. And he should be aware that if he gets involved with someone without children, that there is a good chance that the girl would like to have children, and you can't really blame the girl if she cannot continue the relationship because having children is important to her, and you can't expect her to give up the idea of having children for something that the guy did to himself! It is simply not fair!!!

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 133 (view)

Would you date a guy without a car Posted: 6/8/2006 1:12:01 PM
Even if you live in downtown Toronto, you would still need a car unless you plan on dating only women that lives downtown as well, and they don't mind spending their time only in downtown Toronto. However, if you plan on dating someone that lives in surronding areas such as Mississuaga, Etobioke, North York, Scarborough, Pickering etc., then a vehicle is a necessity to get around.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 129 (view)

Would you date a guy without a car Posted: 6/7/2006 9:48:12 PM
From my experience, dating a guy without a car has been pretty much negative. I don't like being the driver all the time! Recently, a guy wanted to meet for a first coffee date, so I suggested meeting at Starbucks, about 15 minutes drive from my place. And he immediately, said "NO", that won't work because he doesn't have a car and it would take him over an hour to get there by bus. He then told me that its best to meet him at this coffee place about 2 minutes walking distance from where he lived since it's easier for him to get to. I was so turned off by this. I knew then that I would be the one coming to see him, and/or picking him up to go places and honestly, that's not what I want or desire. I have a car, and I would expect the guy to have a car, unless there was a very good reason for him not to own one. It's so nice to be picked up, but at the same time, there are times when I am the driver, which is fine by me. And I am not materialistic..far from it! If I can afford to have a car, so can you (unless of course you can't drive because of health reasons or any other valid reasons) !!!!

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Dating someone that's not interested in fitness Posted: 6/7/2006 9:02:56 PM
well, I'm definitely not a fitness buff but I thought I give my input. I prefer to date someone that's not incredibly so into his body, that he works out constantly (over 5 times a week). I don't care for a washboard stomach. As long as he looks good in my eyes, that's all that matters. As for me, I'm far from being a health/fitness freak. But I'm happy with myself, though I know I don't have the best body.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

vasectomy: turnoff or neutral? Posted: 6/2/2006 8:10:49 PM
A turnoff for me because I want kids. I just found out that the guy I'm seeing had himself fixed a couple of years ago and now this puts me in a very bad position. I must now decide on whether I should really continue being in this relationship???? I am planning on talking with him tomorrow night about this, and his feelings about having more kids and whether he would have it reversed?

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Guy you're dating had himself fixed Posted: 6/1/2006 8:34:26 PM
I don't know much about this so I need some input on this. I just found out that the guy I'm dating had himself fixed a couple of years ago. He is 35 years old and has a 2 year old daughter. This news has really shock me. I have never had any kids and would like to have some one day. So my question is....can this be reversed? Or is it a done deal? I don't know what to think because I do want kids some day. Should this news be a deal breaker in me continuing to date him. Or should I just concentrate on getting to know him better and later deal with it.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Guys with goatee/beard Posted: 5/27/2006 1:46:02 PM
I prefer no facial hair. I find men more attractive that way but that's just my preference.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 119 (view)

going over to guy's place uninvited... Posted: 5/27/2006 9:54:09 AM
It has now been a week since I dropped by uninvited and things between us are going quite well. I think that he did not mind when I dropped by because even though we just started dating, I felt like a really special connection had developed in such a short period of time. If he was not very interested in me, I think it would have turned him right off but fortunately this was not the case for me. He told me just the other day that I'm welcome to drop by anytime. I am always welcome!!!! So I guess it really all depends on the two people involved, how they feel about each other, and how they grew up and what they're use to. Some people find it unacceptable for anyone (parents, relatives, friends, dating partners, committed partners) to just come over without calling. Others are okay with them dropping by without any warning. For me, my door is always open. No need to call. But that's just me. I know not everyone shares the same views. However I do call friends that I know do not like people just dropping by uninvited to see if it's okay. But as far as family and relatives are concerned, sometimes I call before going over but sometimes I don't call, but I know they're okay with either one, and they know they are always welcome to drop by anytime. I have no problem with it. But again, that's just me.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:) Posted: 5/24/2006 10:01:04 PM
Emotional attraction is very important. If you don't have that, then I don't see the relationship lasting for very long. I think physical attraction/chemistry should be there but ultimately it's the emotional connection and healthy attitudes between two people that keeps the relationship going. In other words, you first start off being physical attracted to one other, but ultimately its the mental & emotional connection that is created that determines how long the relationship will last.

Spanishtulip

Joined: 5/4/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

Calling - what's too much? Posted: 5/24/2006 9:45:57 PM
I have never been in a relationship where a guy has called me 7 times every day. I think that's simply UNHEALTHY. Yes, I want the guy to call me every day but not 7 times. Once,perhaps twice is okay. And I think that once you have established a good relationship, BOTH of you should be able to feel comfortable to call each other whenever you feel like it. However, 7 times is a bit too much !!!!

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