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 Author Thread: My turn to face the firing squad...:)
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 18 (view)
 
My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/15/2013 1:56:13 PM
Just keep at it, bro. Send messages, LOTS of messages. Frankly, I don't know how anyone who doesn't live in a metro area meets anyone on here. When I was living in Dallas, I messaged about 300 different women and ended up actually meeting about 7 or 8 of them. Then I found out that was par for the course! A lot of women get so many messages that they only respond to a few. Some of them are already seeing someone and keeping a POF profile up "just in case". I've actually had a couple tell me this. And then there are the ones who seem to be looking for pen pals. They create a profile but all they want to do is chat online. Long story short... don't give up.
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 15 (view)
 
I met someone on POF and now my mailbox is blowing up
Posted: 7/25/2012 11:35:13 AM
Good advice on here from everyone, thank you. Geez, I feel like a love-struck teenager sometimes yet here I am, pushing 40!
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 1 (view)
 
I met someone on POF and now my mailbox is blowing up
Posted: 7/24/2012 9:57:02 PM
I can hardly believe I'm posting this because I'm 39 years old and I should probably know better. Unfortunately, I haven't been playing "the dating game" for many, many years and I honestly haven't got a clue what I'm doing. From what I've read in these forums, I seem to have a problem other guys wish they had.

I met a terrific lady on POF last week. We went out for lunch last weekend and it went fantastic. She caught me by surprise afterward with a very nice (somewhat passionate) kiss just before we left. We've either texted and/or talked daily since then. I called her and we made a date for tomorrow. Excellent!

The problem is, I'm starting to get responses to messages from other ladies I messaged last week and I'm getting more responses than I'm used to getting. I upgraded my membership and I'm getting more "________ wants to meet you!" messages (yes, paid membership does have it's advantages). But NOW what am I supposed to do? I was starving for responses and now I'm getting more than I know what to do with.

I'm not a player. I'm not looking for hook-ups. In fact, I'm not even comfortable dating more than one at a time. I'm not under the illusion that she wants to be "exclusive" (we've only met once so far) but if she were to bring up the subject, I'd gladly say yes. I'm not saying I'm in love (I know the difference) but when I'm dating someone, I have my sights set on her and her alone. If it works out, great! If not, I put fresh bait on my proverbial hook and go back to fishing.

But what am I to do with all these nice ladies who have messaged me back? I don't want to ignore them. After all, I messaged them first and if things don't work out with the lady I'm seeing now, I'd hate to have missed out on meeting someone else. I could always engage them in email chat for a couple of weeks (if they even tolerate that). If things start to look promising with the lady I'm seeing now, I can let the other ladies know that "this fish has been caught" and all will be well.

I had one lady tell me that she would consider meeting me but she has just started seeing someone and prefers to see how things work out with him. She basically said that if it doesn't work out, and if I were still interested later, she would consider it. I thought this was very thoughtful of her and I'm wondering if it would be appropriate for me to send a similar message to these other ladies who are showing an interest. Am I onto something here?

Perhaps I've answered my own question. Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. Who knows, I could feel totally different about this after seeing her again tomorrow. Hell I've even thought about talking to her about this but I think that would be suicide :o)

Any feedback (especially from a lady's point of view) would be greatly appreciated.

- Clueless
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Why do men stop calling?
Posted: 7/18/2012 12:09:09 PM
It happens to us too. A woman gave me her number and told me to call her. I did, left a VM, never heard back. Another asked for my number. Never heard from her either. Then there's the one I had been messaging for about a week who told me (twice) to call her so I did. Both times. Left a voice mail. Both times. Think she called back?

Then I had a great, hour+ conversation with a terrific woman who sounded eager to meet me. We planned the date. Called to confirm. Got VM. Got a text the next day about her kid being sick. Understandable, stuff happens. So I texted her again a couple of days later, wishing the child well and asking when would be a good time to call. Never heard from her again.

Go figure!

I guess it just comes down to different people having their different levels of honesty. If you don't want me to call you, DON'T give me your number. If you don't want to meet, then DON'T set a date!

And speaking of the "meet me" feature.... (I'm on a rant now) I've had probably 5-6 women click "Yes" and they viewed my profile. I messaged all of them. Did I get a message back? Of course not! WTF? If you don't MEAN it, don't CLICK IT.
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 28 (view)
 
How many messages should i send before giving up?
Posted: 7/18/2012 11:59:44 AM
P.S. Speaking of the ratio.... I recently signed up for a POF event. According to the list of those who have said they plan to attend, the ratio is about 1 woman to 3 men. Yet... statistically... women supposedly out-number men in the American population.
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 27 (view)
 
How many messages should i send before giving up?
Posted: 7/18/2012 11:48:38 AM
Frankly, I think the main difference is probably the male/female ratio. I live in a very large metro area (6+ million people). From what I've read in these forums, women get about 10+ messages per day. A guy is lucky to get 1 per MONTH. So yeah, we have to send lots of messages because for every lady I message, there are 10 other guys messaging her on the same day. So yeah, it becomes a numbers game in a way. I don't message anyone I wouldn't be interested in dating. Women complain about guys messaging for sex and I'm not that way at all. Yet I hardly get any responses. Thankfully, I've learned (through these forums) not to take it personally. When you've got 10 guys to choose from, you get to pick the cream of the crop (as there is always someone who will be better looking, makes more money than I, etc).

As for eHarmony, both of my sisters met their husbands there. I tried it out and in my opinion, it's a big SCAM. On eHarmony, many of the users have free accounts and as such, they aren't allowed to communicate! The women I was messaging weren't paying subscribers so they either never got my message or couldn't respond if they did. I was furious when I learned this.

POF, being free, seems to open the door for those people who aren't seriously seeking a life partner. You know, the one-night-stand and wife-cheater types. The ones the women always complain about. It makes it harder for those who ARE serious but I guess that's the price we pay. I recently signed up for premium to see if that makes any difference. Time will tell...
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Can anyone offer me some feedback?
Posted: 7/18/2012 9:28:02 AM
Thanks for your feedback. I think it looks pretty good too :) About 90% + of the messages I send get read. A few iof them will look at my profile, and that's it. I'm thinking OK... she liked the message enough to look at the profile. But then something on the profile didn't quite make the mark. I guess it's just me. I keep a pluggin' away, 20 message a day. I'm using a spreadsheet now to keep track of who I've messaged so I don't make duplicates. I'm close to 300 now and I'm beginning to run out of potential fish. Thank God for new members!
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 22 (view)
 
How many messages should i send before giving up?
Posted: 7/17/2012 7:00:23 PM
It's insane, really. Worse than "speed dating". Hundreds of messages and lucky to get as much as a 10 hellos (in a good week). Yet this is pretty much in line with all these other guys here.

I wish it would be the other way around for just a day. Me getting 10+ messages every day.

Damned double standards.
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Can anyone offer me some feedback?
Posted: 7/17/2012 1:04:12 PM
OK... I've made some changes to the profile. Just about everyone I message reads the message and then some bother to look at the profile. But that's it! Funny thing is, most don't delete my message, it just sits there until I get tired of checking the sent messages and delete them myself.

There's GOT to be something missing here. Am I writing something I shouldn't? Do I need to add something??
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Increase inactivity timeout!!
Posted: 7/16/2012 1:28:46 PM
It happens when I'm typing a message to someone. I have learned to copy it (highlight all of it and hit CTRL-C) just in case I have to log in an re-do it (CTRL-P to paste).

But yes.... VERY annoying. Should be increased to half an hour at least.
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Must not be looking for .......
Posted: 7/16/2012 12:33:50 PM
I hate to resurrect an old thread but I hope people are being warned about what they're doing when they set these restrictions. I just ran across a profile where she is looking for "Dating" and here are her restrictions:

Must not be looking for Talk/E-mail
Must not be looking for Long-term
Must not be looking for Other Relationship
Must not be looking for Dating
Must not be looking for Friendship

I imagine she doesn't get many messages. I'm looking for "Long Term" and yes, that starts with dating, etc. Nevertheless, the system wouldn't let my message go to her. With her filtering out so many "types" (including the SAME ONE as hers) she's likely to be missing out on a lot of good fish. I'm sure I'm not the only guy to try and message her.
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Just How accuarte is the My Matches feature?
Posted: 7/16/2012 9:52:04 AM
Try using the Advanced Search feature. It's the only one I use as I can filter things like race, religion, whatever I want. Only bad thing about it is that there is no way to filter out out those I've already contacted.
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
 
How many messages should i send before giving up?
Posted: 7/16/2012 9:37:37 AM
OutMind is exactly right. His numbers are pretty much the same as mine. If you read around the forum, you'll see you're NOT the only one.

The profile reviews forum helped me a lot. At least I got more responses.

There's a thread about men being "too picky". Well, this applies to women as well, maybe even more so. You see, the ladies you're messaging are getting about 10+ messages PER DAY. For us guys, we have to SEND about 10+ msgs (to different women) just to get in the running.

You think YOU'RE discouraged? Try some rough numbers of mine: about 210 ladies messaged over the past 2 weeks. About 15-20 replied. About 5 turned into add'l replies. Went on a date with 2 of them (neither one turned out to be a match but that's OK). I had a phone coversation with another and the date sounded for-sure. She didn't return my last call so I guess she's no longer interested. Had 2 other give their # and when to call them. I made the calls, left VM, heard nothing back. Another promised to call me last night..... You get the picture.

It's a LOT of work and takes perseverence. Thankfully I live in a very large metro area and there are new members every day. I don't know how this could work for someone in a small town.
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 25 (view)
 
why does nobody ever reply or want to chat?
Posted: 6/28/2012 7:18:48 AM
As you can see from the responses so far, it' not just you. Ask for feedback in the Profile Review forum. They're very helpful. Other than that, just keep trying. I've sent almost 100 messages in the past 2 weeks and I've gotten about 3 or 4 responses. They blew me off after the 2nd or 3rd msg. From what I've learned in these forums, tt's just par for the course, don't take it personally. I understand that's hard to do, but you have no other choice.

Be your own man. Expand your horizons. Guys your age can hit the clubs, and if you're in college, all the better. If you go to church, get involved in youth groups or bible studies. It's harder for us older guys because most of the women in our age ranges are divorced or otherwise jaded. In that respect, you have an advantage. Keep your chin up! You'll find her, somewhere, eventually.
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Can anyone offer me some feedback?
Posted: 6/26/2012 5:42:54 PM
That's what I'm trying, short and simple. I look for something in her profile to comment on or ask about. Sometimes I can't figure out what to ask besides something like "what kinds of music do you like" or "do you like to shoot pool, play darts?", stuff like that.

Thanks for the encouragement though. It seems like I'm doing something right, just not right enough. But I won't give up.

It's really strange. It's been several years since I was active on a dating site like this and it was nowhere NEAR this difficult.
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Can anyone offer me some feedback?
Posted: 6/26/2012 2:37:40 PM
Just counted 'em: 92 messages sent in the past two weeks. Maybe 5 reponses. A couple responded again but eventually blew me off. Freakin' brutal. At least most of them aren't just deleting the message anymore. They read it, read my profile, and that's it. At lease I live in a large metro area. Not sure if that's a blessing or a curse.

I'll keep trying though. If anyone else has any suggestions, I'm all ears! I plan to take and put up some more pics tomorrow. Maybe that will help.
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Can anyone offer me some feedback?
Posted: 6/26/2012 6:03:01 AM
True, the pics do need some work, thanks. I'll see if I can get some better ones up. My reply rates seem to be going down but it could just be that I'm just running low on eligible bachelorettes [eligible as in in my league and age range]. I live in a very large metro area so that makes for LOTS of fish but also lots of competition I suppose.
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Can anyone offer me some feedback?
Posted: 6/25/2012 5:56:15 PM
I made some of the suggested changes. I'm sending about 10 messages a day, getting next to zero responses, but at least the ladies are looking at the profile now. Another interesting thing is that they're not so quick to delete my message anymore, they just read it and that's it. Could it use some more fine tuning?
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 750 (view)
 
Genital Herpes
Posted: 6/21/2012 1:00:50 PM
I'm curious where people get the "1 on 4" or "1 in 5 " Americans have herpes. This is not correct according to the CDC:
Results of a nationally representative study show that genital herpes infection is common in the United States. Nationwide, 16.2%, or about one out of six, people 14 to 49 years of age have genital HSV-2 infection.

Source: http://www.cdc.gov/std/Herpes/STDFact-Herpes.htm

Of course, 1 in 6 is bad enough. Nevertheless, it takes a very understand and open-minded person to sleep with someone who has it. I've met 2 people over my 40 years who told me they had it and they were careful to never sleep with someone when the blisters were evident. Otherwise, they had normal sex lives.
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 995 (view)
 
Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 6/20/2012 6:34:02 AM
Wow, this is one LONG thread. Anyhow, yes, I am seriously seeking marriage. Finding a mate seems to get harder the older I get but yes, I am still waiting to meet my future bride, if she exists.
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Can anyone offer me some feedback?
Posted: 6/19/2012 1:48:37 PM
Awesome, thanks! Looks like I've been doing a lot of things wrong. I appreciate your feedback.
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Can anyone offer me some feedback?
Posted: 6/19/2012 11:59:08 AM
Initial messages are the hardest part for me. I never really know what to say. I might offer a compliment (pretty smile, beautiful eyes, etc). I might mention what I'm up to and ask the lady what she's doing or if she's having a good weekend/day.
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Can anyone offer me some feedback?
Posted: 6/19/2012 11:53:34 AM
Where is the needs test? Is that the chemistry questionairre?
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Can anyone offer me some feedback?
Posted: 6/19/2012 11:49:26 AM
You guys are awesome! Thanks!!
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 70 (view)
 
Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 6/19/2012 10:22:19 AM
I'm 39, never married, but I do have a grown child (20 y/o) and she's married with a 2 year old baby. Ha! She passed me up! I've had my share of long-term relationships but just haven't met the right woman yet. I get along with all my ex-girlfriends so it's all drama-free.

I don't know if this is hurting my chances or not. I seldom get responses but most of the ladies I msg don't read my profile anyway. Who knows?
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Can anyone offer me some feedback?
Posted: 6/19/2012 9:41:09 AM
Hey all! I've been using POF for quite some time but my response rate is pathetic. I typically send anywhere from 2-5 messages per week. It seems that most women don't even look at the profile, they just read the msg and (about 50% of the time) delete it.

But for those who DO go to the profile, can anyone offer some suggestions to make it better??

Thanks!!

Scott
 
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