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bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

men and emotional maturity Posted: 11/20/2009 6:01:35 PM
"A man who knows what I am even talking about will have to be mature enough to have eliminated those on his compatibility checklist..." Great in theory, and I'd do nothing to not encourage you to do that, save for that fact that it violates one of the major guidelines of writing profiles which is it's negative. I know, I wrote the pinned thread 4 years ago. But hey, my profile violates all of my tips, except the negative part. Quick example "if you're __________ or want _____then don't bother". Read the profile review forum for a week. A man who knows what you're talking about, I DO...and I'm saying this frankly, to the point. I do understand I DO relate, I get those emails, met some of them, too. It's just something you either choose to accept or think you can ward it off by putting it in your profile. That works the opposite way, if you HAVE that in your profile that's the type of emails and contacts that your profile will attract.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 34 (view)

Do ANY Men Read Profiles (First or at all?) Posted: 11/20/2009 5:52:19 PM
Well partially, just speaking to my own experience. They read the stuff in the about me, and definitely sometimes just write because of the pics (it IS obvious...egad) what some seem to skip is the status or looking for. Not complaining at all on my part, I get many emails nothing more than....that's one of the funniest things I've ever read, or thanks for the belly laugh. I DO reply and thank then for taking the time to drop me a note. It's fairly obvious my profile(s) are for fun...but yes it's great that someone will just write you to thank you for a good laugh. I'm outside of the norm...in more ways than one, and whichever over the top profile I have posted, it's gratifying to know that it gave someone else a great giggle. My profile(s) really are me, the people I talk to or meet it's rare I have more than 2 minutes into a phone call there's not a laugh. But it's because that works for me...can't be interested or attracted to a man that I can't laugh with and sometimes you...or me...if a man's laugh is sexy, attractive....I'm done, poke me with a fork.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 132 (view)

Oh, its to soon to have sex... yah, blah, blah, blaw Posted: 11/20/2009 5:38:21 PM
Wow you wrote a miniseries in your profile yet you could have just make it a one liner...."So meet someone, talk a bit, go out a couple times and then f*ck them!" That's what you're all about. Who'd you pay to write that dissertation? Assuming you have minimal google skills of a third grader, you could find pages of free sites for meet 'em...f'em. You're not in the best environment/venue for your agenda. It couldn't possibly be the meet 'em, f'em isn't working out for you...not it couldn't because you ARE that hot...or HAWT. You should do your best to meet Paris Hilton, you're hawt enough for her to bang. Sorry but I can't help to hook you up.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Hey said call me, if you want and no answer? Posted: 11/20/2009 5:30:33 PM
Not a betting woman, but if I were I'd lay money that his credit was maxed out on 900 number phone calls and he's found a way to get it free. You're giving good "phone" and it's not costing him anything. It doesn't even have to be dirty talk, flirting is probably enough. He doesn't want to meet you because there's a chance he may not be able to get a stiffie, whereas on the phone, he can fantasize you're...umm..ehh...well I don't know Pam Anderson. He probably has all the DVDs of Baywatch and knows how to slo mo his TiVo. Trust that if he won't meet you, he's hiding something. Trust me, that more than likely, it's not something you'd want to know about. Remember the phrase...ignorance CAN be bliss!

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

men and emotional maturity Posted: 11/20/2009 5:18:48 PM
Dave Barry is a satirist/humorist......if that's the person you're getting your dating/romantic advice from...don't know what to say because you just can't explain humor. It's akin to reading Andy Rooney to get political news...ugh. From the title of your thread, OP, it's obvious you didn't "get it".

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Why are you really on here? Posted: 11/20/2009 5:13:20 PM
Ashee I have children your age. So just take this as what I would say to one of my own daughters. I get the same thing, yeah at my age. Sometimes from men my age, sometimes from young guys your age. There are just people like that, men don't have the corner on the market. The only thing I would tell you is, dont ever let that change anything about you. How you feel about yourself, I know it does seem at times that's all you're running across, it's because it's the easy thing. A momentary attraction long enough to drop drawers. Nothing wrong with wanting something else. Be true to yourself, a great relationship is a rare treasure to have your life blessed with. It's not only worth waiting for, it's worth having in your life and doing the "maintenance". It's a bit like having a child, we love them so much, but it's not always fun, not always easy and not a laugh a minute all the time. It's the hard times, the difficulties that make you realize how unspeakably much you value them, and they're worth all of it and you wouldn't have changed a thing. You don't need to discount attraction, it's a powerful force and attraction exists on many different levels. Physical attraction will always be a dynamic in romantic relationships, always has been always will be. When you find someone that you can experience attraction on many levels, then you'll understand and know you will be blessed and fortunate. Just know it can happen, so be open to that and don't ever change anything about you because of what other people do. You have a very proactive attitude about your life, that's a great quality, it will serve you well. Stay true to you, I promise you won't regret that in the long run.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

He ran away... Posted: 11/17/2009 6:03:50 PM
I understand the differing opinions and viewpoints, but the value of assigning blame...you shouldn't have...he shouldn't have. I don't find that productive. Stuff happens, people ask things, people say things...good Lord I know I have, I'm sure most have. And it's so easy to sit here as judge and jury and assign blame or guilt. I don't think either did anything wrong intentionally. In getting to know another individual, a question may pop into your head...gee I wonder....how many really stop and think is this the right time, should I or shouldn't I? He wasn't wrong for asking...timing...ehh...he probably didn't pass that through an "is this appropriate" filter. Like all of US have all the time...ehh...I can't say I have 100%. Should she have told him....I'm like her, direct, to the point, bypassing the BS...if you ask I'll tell. May not like the answer...but I refuse to guilt myself or wonder what prompted the reactive behavior. I do agree there's a lesson to be learned, and it isn't he's a total loser, glad he showed his true colors thank GOD he's not around, you deserve better. Neither is the "bad guy", he's not the man at this time for her in her life. Doesn't mean he's the scum of the earth. Many people aren't prepared or haven't had that experience, if it happens to him in his life at some point (I wouldn't wish or hope someone would) but at some point in this young man's life he will lose someone significant and important to him. And I'd hope for HIM that he'd have someone understanding, patient and compassionate to share that experience with and the impact on his life and feelings. Caring, support and encouragement...I'm not or can never be of the mindset "the world's going to hell in a handbasket". It can seem that someone giving a flip is in short supply. I go back to the expectation, if that's what you're expecting, it's a self fulfilling prophecy. That's what you'll see...my expectations and mindset is different. I see caring...not ALL the time, but often enough. My self fulfilling prophecy, at times I'm richly and gratifyingly rewarded with is the young mom in the checkout with the crying baby and the toddler...yes it's an inconvenience for me...she's in the express lane and DANG it has more than 10 items. And sometimes, before I can offer to help, someone else steps up and holds the baby so she can write a check...I've seen it and wow...that hits my soft spot. I've reached out to open a door, someone is there in front of that opens the door...ahh. Now THAT...that's my self fulfilling prophecy...it's a good one. So yes, he should have, she shouldn't have...blah blah. Yes, what were they thinking...I didn't take that from this thread. It's so easy to sit in the bleachers and say well if I were there....blah blah...ad nauseum I'd have done that. We weren't in the moment it's no reason to trash either person's character. When if I forget to be human, then there's a shovel and a back yard. My kids and friends have explicit instructions...plant daises or yellow roses. Dig the hole and plant me first! Really now how many posters to this thread have had a fiance who died at age 22? I haven't my husband died at 31...the same in some ways, not the same. But I can relate, my experience in ways that man others that have posted may not. Yes I was "young" at 34, not an age at which you have many other widows. That was an adjustment, I did it by myself, but had a strong support network. I shared many things, many other things I dealt with by myself. Did it make me stronger, sure, it also made me softer, more understanding, more patient and compassionate. Even at MY age..I've come across people, and those that have lost someone...it's been precious and I'm thankful because they can SHARE that with me. Because I "get it" and it's gratifying. I don't even know if any of you can understand or realize the courage it took for her to post this thread. Courage? ...HELL yes! It's a discussion topic on a public internet forum. Yes it is. And I would not ever wish for any member here to have the experiential knowledge..but some do. And I'd be totally surprised and shocked if any of them posted the Jerry Springer...judge..jury and sentenced either by default of a friggin forum posting. It's the internet, public...free...'nuff said. Take it for what it's worth, but know there are those who relate, who have experiential knowledge and will understand, and give support and encouragement. We remember what it's like to be human...

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Is there a age,where I am expected to not dress sexy,or cut my hair? Posted: 11/16/2009 6:06:49 PM
It's preaching to the choir...haven't experienced it can't understand it. Hang out and read the forums...or not. The experience here is yours, just like everyone else. Online dating/singles sites are DYI....Do It Yourself..so the opportunity is there. If you have an agenda and are impatient, then it's just be a topic for a whine convo..and nothing more. Oh...girlfriends...well I was on this site for 7 1/2 days and you wouldn't believe it...if you HAVE the talent you and write a screenplay and get paid for the movie. I feel like I'm spitting in the wind..you have to figure it out for yourself, like everyone else...nale and female. From the evidence I've seen you're not even close. Or even in the zipcode of the relative ballpark. Undertanding men, getting to KNOW men by...ugh, yeah I know...actually TALKING to them...waalaa. There's so much to learn...men actually TALK to women. I realize this may be beyond your realm of comrepehsion, so if you want to cut your hair or dress so you can "meet men" or a man, then yes you can adn those men will be more than happy to tell you. It's your choice, wouldn't be mine ever..but you can't give a gift certificate for self respect.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Is there a age,where I am expected to not dress sexy,or cut my hair? Posted: 11/16/2009 5:44:09 PM
Here's where I see the flaw with the question of your OP. When you set your expectations of yourself based on...crap, I don't even know, but it sounds sheepish .....baaaa.the follow the crowd mentality. I can tell you this, when you base how you dress, what you look like or any of that on what you think other people think, it'll be disappointment/frustration. Men are individuals, and in my experience the men I know appreciate women who are individuals, comfortable in their own skin. Ugh...yeah I know it's a cliche. You're throwing out all sorts of stuff here. Again from my experience, men aren't a confused gender, speaking generally. Now I'll totally throw that out there, because I've never know it to be different. Men enjoy meeting women who enjoy being women and being themselves, whatever their personal "style" may be...that's a woman thing, a man would care less if you're wearing something that was on the cover of Vogue, or the cover of the latest hairstyle magazine. Men like women who feel good being them, and don't feel constricted or contrived to feel bad because they weren't wearing "that dress or shoes". Ehh...frig cash in my woman card...woohoo, you're thinking like a woman trying to relate to and understand men. I've met someone off of here, wearing a Derrick Brooks very large jersey, jeans and sandals. NOT the most girlie outfit in the world, I didn't give a flip... It was Sunday and football was on. He appreciated that I can talk football til the cows come home and my phsyical appearance didn't affect his reaction. You're getting way too hung up in the entrapments and missing the important stuff. Dress how you want to, wear your hair how it works or looks best for you. If you have to change that to meet someone or to pander to someone else....not gonna go to a happy place. What they hey, already trashed my "woman card" ...haha...you get to know people best, in their environment and how they're most comfortable. Give men some credit...if you don't think they won't realize you're pandering to them by cutting your hair to suit them. Those aren't the men that you'd want to get to know. Men are for the most part, very perceptive. And they're a total pleasure to get to know...don't tag all men for the few who "you have to cut your hair like that for ME", those are the few men you want to avoid. Maybe not in your case, not sure you get it. There are so many great men here, I've been so privileged to have known them and been their friend. Many ONLY because of the distance barrier. Don't every discount the perception or the savvy of men....I do think sometimes they downplay it. If you learn to appreciate men and are so fortunate to ACTUALLY know men, then you wouldn't be even asking about your hairstyle.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Cheating is unacceptable behavior but if your honest about it should it scar you for life? Posted: 11/15/2009 9:50:26 PM
Please use paragraphs....a block of text is SO much harder to read. Here's how I look at situations like this (not the cheating part, as I've never done, never entered my mind to do so). Put the shoe on the other foot, if it were a man and he told you this story, how would it affect whether or not you'd want to date him, give him a "new start"? It's not that you're scarred for life per se, but you have to consider how another man may feel about this and wonder if you'd ever "snap" again and how often you don't act like yourself? Personally I think that's a bunch of bunk, and nothing more than a convenient excuse, if even that. People don't act outside their pattern of behavior for any "good" reason. They ARE being them, just a facet of their behavior they don't own up to. Some use the had too much to drink, again it's an excuse, as you're always responsible for your own behavior and if you let circumstances dictate that, then that doesn't say anything really good about you. Just my (strong) opinion.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

ok guys , how often after 3 months Posted: 11/15/2009 9:32:38 PM
It's up to you and the man you're involved with to communicate about your relationship. There is no "normal" no set....this is what a boyfriend/girlfriend should do. What I'd suggest you think about for yourself is your own needs/wants in a relationship and what you feel is acceptable/unacceptable AND clearly and specifically communicate that to a man you're involved with. And he should do the same for you, how else will either of you know? With my experience with men, being forthright and upfront, I TALK to them. For the most part they're very open to that, and if it's different from what they want, then at least you both know. He should know, you should already know yourself and communicate that to him. The basis of any decent "relationship" (if there IS one) is open and honest communication. If you can't and don't talk about those things, then it's questionable if it's even a relationship or not.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Dating A Single Child Posted: 11/15/2009 9:22:54 PM
I don't believe it's the family relationship of having sibilings or lots of aunts/uncles/cousins that matters rather the type/quality (?) of the family relationships any individual may have. Some people like to categorize and generalize about other people from a very narrow and set perspective because it makes it easier for them to put people in select, limited "slots". I've dated an only child and men that have huge families (like my own) and neither is a guaranteed predictor of anything about that person's life experience. People/individuals cannot be neatly categorized into checkoff boxes, those people who do that are missing out on some great experiences. It's not so much someone's family, culture...pick a "category", everyone is different. I find that treating people as individuals with no preconceived notions of how they should behave or react a much richer life experience. I've had and still have great experiences and relationships because I was one of few who didn't "categorize" someone based on some fact of their family history or any other "category". I find most people respond very positively from being treated and interacting with as an individual. For me, I wouldn't consider dating or not dating someone because they were an only child solely for the fact that I'd want my child to have lots of aunts and uncles. I just can't relate to that mindset.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Just asking if there is some sort of "holiday phenomenon" that you get more email around this time? Posted: 11/15/2009 9:13:55 PM
I realize that the holidays can invoke certain feelings and/or memories that sometimes can make a single person feel more "alone". I notice that there are certain times of the year where there seems to be a lot more activity (emails, first contacts) and just wondered if the holidays is part of the reason.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

He ran away... Posted: 11/15/2009 9:09:15 PM
Hey cuddle, truly sorry for your loss. I've been widowed nearly 18 years. It's a tough one, I have widow on my profile, so I don't get the question as often. Plus it's been a lot longer than 2 years. You know when you feel like you're ready to move on and if you do then you should, it's not up to anyone else to tell you otherwise. I've ran into it a very few times but sometimes people just don't know how to handle it. As to what to say if someone asks you, I don't know how you could be vague about someone you're engaged to passing. I know it's easy to say, but try not to put too much stock in how other people react. Fiances die, husbands die young (as mine did). It doesn't mean that we can't and shouldn't come to a time when we'd like to date again. You don't get "over" a death of someone close, you get "through" it. And I know you feel not wanting to disrespect the memory of your fiance by thinking he could be replaced. Again, that's someone else's hangup, there are people that don't have any experience with a death of someone close so they're not prepared to handle it. There are people (men) who will be understanding and compassionate about it. For me, if someone asks I mention it in passing, as any other topic of conversation. It's something that's a part of my life and my history, as any other life event is. Doesn't mean it's a part of my day to day life, I don't wake up in the morning and think...I'm a widow. You'll have all types of experiences, stay true to you and to what you feel is right for you and try not to let how other people react influence how you feel about yourself or your own personal experiences. If you need a listening ear, my inbox is open! Hope your next experience is more positive. HUGS!

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

How do you get him off this site? Posted: 11/15/2009 8:03:39 AM
If he's logging onto this site maybe he'll read this thread and that'll take care of it. You can't control anyone else's behavior but your own. You can give him an ultimatum but those don't usually work out too well. By the way, YOU have a profile and are logging on to post this thread....don't you find that hypocrtical? Woohoo...looking for a man for long term.....wow, sister you have NO indication you've been dating someone at all much less for 10 months. Look in the mirror, you're doing what you're upset with him for. Holy cow!

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

what do MEN WHO ARE LEADERS find attractive in a woman? Posted: 11/15/2009 6:50:14 AM
I think it's just as simple as communication. The more specifically and clearly it is that you know what you want you communicate that. If it's something you'd like to "feel" then you may have to look longer to find a man that can make you "feel" someway with no direction whatsoever. I've found that for the most part men will respond and be open to you talking with them. For those that aren't that's a good indicator as well. So decide exactly what it is you want and learn how to verbalize it. I've found that clears up a lot of things.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 52 (view)

Empty promises Posted: 11/12/2009 6:20:47 PM
I'll just throw this out there, because I DO talk to people, just for that sole purpose. I have talked to some of these men, when they will just to ask. Come to find out, that's what was expected of them with the women they'd been involved with. Not saying it wasn't still their choice, but it's sad that some men have had that experience of only being appreciated for what they can do or buy. I ask, I dig around a little, and it's often a pattern however far it goes back....behavior patterns are just that. Many times they're unaware because that's all they've known or experienced. Yeah, not channeling some dead psychoanalyst, it's much simpler than that. It does go back at times to origin, the household and mother/father, husband/wife household they were raised in. It can be difficult to break out of or even think out of the pattern/cycle of man does, buys...earns love, affection, respect...even sex. You see the same with some women, it's not exclusively a gender thing. When it's happened with me, I recognize it and it's a no go. That's not the type of person or woman that I am or could be. And I'm not a fixer, I still may talk to them, if it's possible usually they just book. That's fine, it's not up to me, but on the rare occasion that I do talk to them, this is what I always hear. It's a deep seated insecurity and it's hard to talk about.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

Wanted : A Chemistry drug ! Posted: 11/12/2009 6:03:04 PM
Well what the HEY....I'll weigh in on this, I think the difference between chemistry and attraction is....attraction is just that (speaking physical) and chemistry is an attraction that MAY have a physical component or not, it's an attraction that's well like a magnet. An unconscious force that draws you towards that person....ehh it sounds lame, maybe. I've known, talked to and even dated very physically attracive (to ME) men. I have a very short ...umm...well interest span, not attention, INTEREST. Physical attraction alone doesn't keep my interest very long (probably be measure only with a stopwatch). It doesn't mean there's anything WRONG with them, they could be also great conversationalists, educated, intelligent...blah blah. Chemistry is that indefinable "force" if it were that, if you could explain or define it, that would kill it. To have a drug to fake that....NAW! There's just some things mankind shouldn't be screwing around with IE screwing up. No chemistry drug..GAK...if I had to slip something in someone's drink to have chemistry with me...as long as there's crosswords puzzles...no need for that.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

What's the difference between affectionate and clingy? Posted: 11/12/2009 5:51:32 PM
I use Bounce...cling free It figgers....another great answer!! (blowing kisses...hey gorgeous!!)

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Matches based upon personality Posted: 11/12/2009 5:45:13 PM
Hey Dezzy, it's a legit topic. May have been thrown out there before, I want to throw out a thought for you if I may. What you said was good, but what or how does this knowledge benefit you. Just to think about, it's good to know things, me personally I find that the value in knowledge is practical, I try to find how to apply it if possible. It's a common strategy if that's a good word, if not that then what criteria? Just asking, I don't have a good or better answer. I think it's nothing more than a possible start to interaction, an email, conversation. From a quick scan of the responses, it seems there's mostly agreement that it's not the end all and be all, certainly no guarantee of anything. So it's not to be discarded as totally lacking merit. Personality wise, speaking for myself, there are few non-negotiables, very few, even attraction/physical. the men I've known and interacted with, had relationships of various lengths and depths, span a very large range of just about every variable. That's just who I am, and there's nothing inherently right or wrong with having a very narrowly defined "list" or one that's not so defined. It's finding what works for you and with you, and not being persuaded by what anyone else thinks or tries to influence. I enjoy meeting and talking with "new" people....haha that sounds so odd, but I know you all relate. I also enjoy talking with people I've known, there's always something we didn't know about each other and many times it's just fun to talk with them with absolutely no agenda other than it's great to talk with you.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Do you look at forum posts when considering men? Posted: 11/11/2009 4:51:05 PM
Yeah I'll toss in my vote for wishing like HELL the forum posts were still on the profiles. Anyway, I can't say why I respond, sometimes even drop a line first! (yeah...it's a secret, don't TELL..) It's just an overall...I guess reaction. I do respond to all my mail, always have even if it's a polite "no thanks" worded a little differently. I do appreciate that someone took the time to drop a note, and I get a good amount of email that's just "got a giggle or two" out of whichever profile I have posted. I have a lot more relaxed attitude than many. Hey it's my perogative (queing up Bobby Brown...haha) it's fun to interact with different individuals most of the time.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Matches based upon personality Posted: 11/11/2009 4:40:53 PM
According to their ads that's what e-harmony is based on. There's some merit to any of it personality, interests, but it's not the whole enchilada. You can't define that element.....whether you call it chemistry or not. That's what makes it fun or frustrating depending on your personal perspective.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Profile Pointers/Suggestions. Posted: 11/11/2009 3:55:59 PM
There's a lovely thread at the top of this forum that's profile writing tips. I'd read through that first.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

What's the difference between affectionate and clingy? Posted: 11/11/2009 3:54:10 PM
It's affectionate when the object of attention is enjoying and returning the attentions, and clingy when they're not. Oh snap, Helen's reading my notes!! haha... Agree totally!!!

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 46 (view)

Empty promises Posted: 11/11/2009 3:32:27 PM
I get a little leary when someone appears to want to spend money or do stuff for you right off the bat. I mean noone's offered to wax my car yet......haha. I met someone wanted to go to dinner, took me out for another dinner (both at his invitaion even though I don't usually even eat dinner). Then I asked he not call me at work, I hadn't given him the number just had to call him from there once, he got all snippy and whined about spending all this money on me (huh???) and to call when I appreciated him. Wowers, I said don't wait by the phone. Pretty much the "instant ***hole". I was happy just to hang out, it's funny when they insist and really WANT to go take you out, then get snippy if you're not falling all over them. I think the buying and doing stuff is because they're insecure about who they are and/or because they want to be able to expect something in return. That's just bull.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 93 (view)

I don't want to be interviewed Posted: 11/10/2009 4:30:19 PM
Interview type dates only give someone information about a person. That's not really getting to know them, it is a small part of it. Spending time with them, swapping stories, natural conversation........now that's the ticket. I can ask and have answered 100 questions and not know someone at all. I may know how many sibs they have, what their favorite subject in high school was, blah blah blah blah ad nauseum. Do I know if they have a twisted but engaging sense of humor, they are strong minded but sentimental, are transparent about themselves??? Not from a questionnaire....no you find out those things by conversing with someone. It's pretty cool and a lot more FUN!

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

If you met someone why not hide or delete your profile Posted: 11/10/2009 4:23:16 PM
Well geez, they could have friends here or just participating in the forums. Having a profile here and logging in isn't always meaning looking to hook up with someone. Just focus on what you want to do that feels right for you if you start dictating someone else's behavior that's probably not going to turn out well.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Do you recontact after a period of time during which there's no contact? Posted: 11/10/2009 4:19:45 PM
Conversely if someone recontacts you after a period of time do you respond? If you do what's your criteria, depth of initial interest, and/or length of time from last contact or some other variable? (it's just a topic, no personal stories or agenda involved)

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

When you read a good profile, what does it tell you and how? Posted: 11/10/2009 4:11:48 PM
More likely than not, you're the only one impressed with your dong. Don't pass if off as just teasing...for Lord sake, women aren't ignorant. That's as lame as it gets, and just proves you know nada about women or how to talk to them. Congrats on your lifetime membership here!! Have fun. Don't worry you have plenty of company.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Give it two weeks and I always screw it up! Posted: 11/9/2009 6:57:41 PM
I am very attracted to her physically and emotionally Yeah right..pfft....fix a couple of things....fix YOU! Ehh...waste of breath...you're SO attractive...frack. Honest...already obvious...you're not with yourself. I'm so ATTRACTIVE...I'm SO wonderful...there's nothing to fix about her. You're fixated on the infant, I'd say put on your big boy training pants...but you're already pissing your diapers and run away. I have raised 4 children, I know the behaviors...it's speaking figuratively...google it, also fixation at a maturation stage. It's not about pissing in your diaper, the behavior is the same. You run and hide...you're not attracted to her or any other woman physically or emotionally, you're supressing your instincts to run/hide. There's nothing about her to fix, and given time, she won't fix you either. Noone here can get you past your long time self delusion that you're SO THAT. She'll figure it ou and drop you like a prom dress....sooner than later. It's not her it's you...she says while...pissing in the wind! I know enough to DUCK!

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

Give it two weeks and I always screw it up! Posted: 11/9/2009 6:09:34 PM
I'm happy for you....really. Thing is by posting the pro/con thing...just because she didn't run...it's a distraction from the root issue, which is YOURS. Do this woman a favor, cut her loose! You're not at all interested or attracted to WHO she is...you're so desperate because she didn't bolt...that speaks to your insecurities. Get the frig over yourself....that may be the last kiss you may have off this site or anywhere else in a long..........LOOONNNGGG time!

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Hate being single!!!! Posted: 11/9/2009 5:28:30 PM
I could give you the "old coot" speech, 'cause Lord knows I qualify. It's a worn standard, enjoy being single while you can, at YOUR age. But really it's a load of bunk. I'll tell you honestly, no way I would want to be in my 20s or 30s even 40s again. Every year, every stage/phase, the circumstances are only the backdrop, if that. The only consistent in life is change. It will, it's up to each individual to either embrace or bemoan where they find themselves at any given moment. And I'm not Mary Poppins, I've felt down at times about things, but I don't STAY there and wait for fate, destiny or luck to change to where I have all my wishes and desires fulfilled. I've enjoyed every stage of my life, every year, every decade because I purposed to. I've been married, divorced, remarried and widowed all in the same calendar year. Not saying that looking for sympathy. Don't cry for me, it was a FULL year!! I've learn at more advanced and in my younger years, that living life to the best possible, moving in a positive direction toward dreams and goals, and knowing that even if they're not all achieved, at least you were on the right path. I remember being 22, and it's the same as now, for at least one important reason. I enjoyed the here and now and looked forward to the future. Yeah, at 52, hell yeah!! Not the same, person or woman. Don't expect to be, but I still love who I am, accepting my quirks and flaws, and look forward to the future however many years that may be. I don't think about the number of years, it's not that it's the living that's important. And damn it, I'm gonna live it! I have plans, goals, hopes and dreams, and I'm working on and towards all of them. I'll be happy and living life whether they all come to pass or not. So from an old coot....(there are advantages...that I exploit at will...haha) to a young lady, be happy with your life and yourself. A happy person, that's the greatest attraction factor possible. Don't let anyone or anything rob you of happiness.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 1435 (view)

The 2009 NFL Season Posted: 11/9/2009 5:09:52 PM
Nancy and Steel thanks for the posts. Nancy, I totally understand they're rebuilding, as a NOT casual fan, I'm sure you know that a first win even after 7 losses, it's good to enjoy the win for what it is. I'm a realist, don't have outlandish expectations, not expecting we will win the division or anything. I enjoyed watching the game. Period, I LOVE football, watching and cheering for all the teams and the great talent. Fan of the sport first, fan of my team second and fan of every other team third. Thanks for what you posted, and BEST OF LUCK to both your respective teams!!

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Strange situation... should I, shouldn't I? Posted: 11/9/2009 4:52:20 PM
Aren't most people irrational when it comes to matters of the heart anyways? No, that's an excuse you're giving yourself as a way out when/if it hits the fan. If you make an irrational decision then the odds are great that you will not end up in a good situation. I agree with the others, we all appear to be wasting our time, rather than open to your mind up to an outside objective perspective which COULD benefit you, you're throwing up barriers against logic and reason. THAT is the definition of irrational. Go ahead, do what you're determined to do. Don't expect support and understanding when you're in a bad situation and may need help when you're acting irrationally. I have 4 young men/women who are my children that are in your age group. I love them, but please understand that I care about you as a young woman. No matter what happens, if you need a listening ear, feel free to email me hear. I won't berate you and I'll be as supportive as I can and can give you some good advice when you have done something you wish you wouldn't have. I don't want to cut off communication, I'm here to talk and listen. I can't do more than that, but I'll do whatever I can.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Hate being single!!!! Posted: 11/8/2009 4:18:10 PM
as for going out on my own, not really something I could do You CAN and you should! Or hang around as the third wheel .....

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Strange situation... should I, shouldn't I? Posted: 11/8/2009 3:36:24 PM
You know his history and are questioning if you should......history repeats itself, this guy while he may be "nice" to you now, you're not involved. You've seen how he's treated women he's been involved with. Of course he'll be different with YOU.........think about it.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 1420 (view)

The 2009 NFL Season Posted: 11/8/2009 2:05:21 PM
We had a few flashes of brilliance in a few other games, never enough to take it through the 4th qtr. Overall, season has been.....awful. Thing they did today was - not make many mistakes, not penalized to death....and consistency. Turned in a good performance through 4 quarters. Can't pull the season out of the toilet, but a win's a win.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 1418 (view)

The 2009 NFL Season Posted: 11/8/2009 1:48:52 PM
The Bucs/Packers game was great.....yeah I know first win...boohoo! Still a great game!!

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

REVIEW ME PLEASE!!!..lol Posted: 11/8/2009 1:34:56 PM
Honestly it doesn't seem you take any of this seriously. I wonder how you'd feel if people laughed at you during one of your sermons IF you really ARE a minister. Here's your BIBLE sister, read it!! http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

REVIEW ME PLEASE!!!..lol Posted: 11/8/2009 12:17:57 PM
You may have read the profile writing tips thread, READ IT AGAIN. I'm saying that kindly and directly to the point. Your profile does not REFLECT that you read it. Seriously it starts out bad and goes to worse, I wouldn't read it all because of the bold/caps. Internet protocol that's screaming at the top of your lungs! Delete it all and start over, show that you read and know how to apply what you read. As a minister I'd assume you'd understand that.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

Sha said yes to a date, but doesnt really seem interested, Please help! Posted: 11/8/2009 11:52:36 AM
If you do not make a solid appointment (date), then you do not have a date at all, my friend. Absolutely! A "date" "meet" whatever, is a day, time and place.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Moral Dilemma Posted: 11/8/2009 11:47:58 AM
He's not your moral dilemma any more. Cut off all contact, I can understand and it's very charitable of you to want to spare another woman, but that is one of those things that'll come back and smack you in the face. The cliche: no good deed goes unpunished!

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 60 (view)

A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go? Posted: 11/8/2009 9:20:38 AM
Change your locks, and FLUSH this ugly mess! You miss that crazy bitch........watch any of the Real Housewives or some other fracked up reality show!!

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Should I get divorced? Posted: 11/8/2009 8:15:58 AM
I have not said anything to her because if I tell her, she will get defensive and only hide any negative intentions she has. It is clear what she is trying to set up and I wasn't pleased with her as a wife to begin with. I love this women to death. I have a big heart and desire to have the "ideal marriage". I feel that this may no longer be a possibility with her as my wife. I may be hoping for something that will not happen. We have a one year old son who I adore, I fear losing him. There are too many contradictions in how you speak about your wife to even address. If you both have decided to divorce, then noone can change that. It's obvious you have huge problems communicating. If you want to try to salvage this relationship, you will need an intermediary...counselor, clergy, just NO friends or family that'll just muddy the waters. Couples can save relationships, if both are committed to it. You can both learn to communicate in a non-threatening way and discuss disagreements without just tearing each other down. If you don't both seek out someone neutral to teach you relationship skills and aren't committed to learning and practicing them, then you will probably be divorced. Age has nothing to do with it, my son and his wife were 21 and 19 when they got married and celebrated their 8th anniversary this year. It's up to you both, don't focus on what she's doing, concentrate on what you do and show that you're committed to working this out and trying to save this relationship. You're going to need help.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Trust Posted: 11/8/2009 8:05:25 AM
I agree with all the others, it's also what you're trusting this person with. Start with small relatively insignificant things. "I'll call you on Thursday to make plans". Sounds silly, but I've never known it to be different, if someone isn't paying attention to the small things, they'll blow you off on other more significant things. It's just showing they're inconsiderate of your time. Just dropped someone like a prom dress recently because of this, it was only a few weeks. He didn't understand, I explained, he apologized okay....guess what, yup he did it again. Trust with small things, then step by step to more important things.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

Wanted : A Chemistry drug ! Posted: 11/8/2009 7:58:26 AM
OP I understand why you may think that, the thing is if there was a chemistry "drug" you wouldn't want it. Chemistry is hard to find because it's no ordinary experience. If it were then it wouldn't be that special, as common as a bowl of Corn Flakes. That would devalue chemistry and you'd be popping those pills to hook up with the mailman one day. Not a pretty picture is it?

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Give it two weeks and I always screw it up! Posted: 11/8/2009 7:44:10 AM
I can tell pretty quickly if I am into someone. I am a fairly attractive guy, I have a good sense of humor, and typically get a long well with just about everyone. After I have been seeing the same person and I start to feel that I like them more than just a hook up...I freak out. I start thinking they are not in to me (even though theres really no reason to think that). I lose all of my confidence, and start getting really weird! I start questioning if they are feeling the same way about me, and I know that this is just the totally wrong thing to do. It makes women uncomfortable and I know that I sure as hell wouldn't like it if someone was questioning me too. Look at how many times you said "I". You're only taking your own feelings and thoughts into consideration and if the person isn't verbalizing they're on the same page moving at the same speed you derail. It's like you're driving a car at full speed to where you want to go and forgetting you have a passenger. You have to be willing if you ARE into someone, to learn to let them express their feelings and their thoughts when they feel comfortable doing so and quick thinking just totally about your own. By your own confession you're doing things you wouldn't want done to you. Noone can tell you specifically how to fix that. I find this ironic "I am a fairly attractive guy, I have a good sense of humor, and typically get a long well with just about everyone." Those I know that think that are self-deluded, you're too focused on what you think about yourself and therefore possibly oblivious to what anyone else may think about you. It's a sign of insecurity, why wouldn't a woman want you, you're all those great things? At least you've made some solid observations, it's a start. It's your path and you'll have to find it on your own. Hope that helps.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Any advice would be helpful Posted: 11/7/2009 4:22:47 PM
The most likely result here, is you'll lose them both while you're trying to make up your mind That seems to be the most frequent outcome.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned? Posted: 11/7/2009 3:09:15 PM
You've allowed him to lie about something trivial. When you reward bad behavior, strap in and expect more.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

How to be more approachable without having to lie? Posted: 11/7/2009 2:06:14 PM
Should I say less about myself until I hook one? If you're separated and looking for friends, I don't see how that's "hooking" someone, unless you really want to date. I think you really need to ask yourself if you know what you want this time, it doesn't appear that you do. Just saying......

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