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Thread: Met once, now I'm just a text buddy?

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Met once, now I'm just a text buddy? Posted: 5/16/2013 5:34:23 PM
He's behaving however you're allowing him to. If you don't like it, let him know then tell him what you want. If he doesn't respond, then find something more productive to do with your time.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Dating advice Posted: 5/16/2013 5:30:41 PM
First thing I'd advise is less talking, MORE listening. If you need to say something or the conversation dries up, or it goes silent, then count in your head to 5 before you say anything. I think you just need to practice talking to girls, but ones you don't want to date. Maybe a friends girlfriend, but tell both of them what you're trying to do in advance. You may find someone who'll be more than happy to help you out. Another thing that might be helpful is to write down the "stupid" things you've blurted out, as many as you can remember. Then when you've written them down go through them and write down what you WISH you had said. Doing this exercise a few times should help you to learn to filter what you say when you're "on the spot".

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

A Bit Confused Posted: 5/16/2013 5:25:02 PM
There is no confusion, she doesn't intend on meeting you. How many more times does she have to do this? You just need to accept that either she's just not interested or she's a rude person. Either way, it's time to cut her loose and quit letting her waste your time. I give someone one chance, if they don't follow through, I'm done. Noone gets several times to jerk me around, I don't have the time or patience for that crapola.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Mixed messages Posted: 5/16/2013 5:22:01 PM
For me, the bottom line is if you don't feel comfortable calling him or talking things over with him, then you have to ask yourself if this is really someone you may want to become involved with. People think that communocation somehow magically improves over time, but that's never been my experience. I think if you don't have someone you can speak to directly about nearly anything, then it's an omen that you're not right for each other. Now, there may be some topics you don't feel comfortable talking about until you get to know him better, but for gosh sakes, making plans and asking if he's interested that's very common early conversations (or should be). Trust me, if you're having communication problems now, do you really want this to go further. Just something for you to think about.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 191 (view)

Jodi Arias Trial Posted: 5/9/2013 2:25:35 PM
"She'll testify at the sentencing hearing, put on a sob story,resulting in the jurors feeling sorry enough to let her off with life in prison." Again, that's not how the system works. There are specific criteria to be met for a death penalty, just like there are criteria to be met for a capital conviction. I've seen many interviews of jurors in many capital and other cases and they based their decision on whether or not they felt that the factual information satisfied that criteria or not. If it weren't that way, the judge wouldn't have to bother to give the jury instructions, which they do also during the sentencing phase. And getting sentenced to life isn't exactly "letting her off". Jurors are selected during the first phase of a trial and tasked with an onerous responsibility. They are expected to base their decision and discuss the facts as they were presented. I think in this case if it WERE based on sympathy. they would almost certainly return a death sentence. She has hardly presented herself as a sympathetic defendant.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 183 (view)

Jodi Arias Trial Posted: 5/8/2013 7:00:04 PM
"I won't celebrate this until Arias has been given the death penalty, and the death penalty has been carried out." Your feelings are your feelings. I don't know about Arizona, but where I live (Florida) death penalty cases usually take at least 10 years to work through the level of appeals. Unfortunately, I have personal experience with a death penalty case ( which the state sought) and the perp was given life. In many ways, death would be easier for the defendant, as it would be a quicker end to their suffering, which is MUCH DESERVED. I wish the perp in my case would have been sentenced to death, as the sentence would have been carried out, as it is it's been 21 years and he still draws breath so far. However, it is some consolation, if you can call it that that his existence has been miserable and he's suffered abuse (allegedly). You do, however, express your own prejudice in your post, as not all feminists are the same, just as not any member of any group of individuals are the same. Not all death penalty advocates are feminists and not all feminists are death pentalty advocates, just to infuse some factual info into this topic, whether you appreciate it or not. As a family member of a homicide victim, for me, the justice is the conviction. The sentencing verdict is less important. You use some strong language which isn't appropriate, IMO, and anyone who serves on a jury is very much aware of their duty and educated as to how the process works and their role in it. If I had to name an idiot which would be the word I would use, it would be the defense attorney. Then again, it's his job, and he was just throwing out anything he could come up with and hoping some of it would stick. I doubt the verdict was a shock to him. The Casey Anthony case has no relevance to this and is also totally off topic. If you want to discuss that or any other case, then do a thread search here or find anotoher forum where that IS the topic.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 179 (view)

Jodi Arias Trial Posted: 5/8/2013 2:01:41 PM
First degree murder, IMO, the correct verdict. I am glad for the sake of his family that they all got the correct measure of justice. I really don't think the sentencing phase is quite as important, as it will be either life in prison or death, either way, she won't be able to harm another person. Society is safer with her behind bars.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

Am i being silly? Posted: 4/26/2013 5:22:40 PM
"I like him and need reassuring" This says it all, you know you like him, you want reaurance for what? Okay say I guessed right which would be he likes you. Guess who is the only person on the globe you can get that from? C'mon now, no matter what any of us, or give "advice" or blah blah....it won't mean crap to you. You can only be reassured by the person YOU like. If you can't just cut through the BS and be direct with him about it, you're only fooling yourself. Sweetie here's how it is, if you want to know how a guy feels about you, the best way to find out is just to ask. AND then, don't allow yourself to be sucked in by slick talk, observe how they treat you. Words are never reassurance, even if you get the ones ou wanted, actions are the proof. Personally I've never encountered asking someone how they feel about me or if they like me (I don't use those words but it means pretty muh the same) and had an undesirable reaction. YOU need to ask yourself what you're afraid of. Because men aren't THAT different, and most really appreciate a woman talking to them instead of all the other BS they may try to figure out but never feel like they can. Men are people too, heck if it's someone you like, trust me there won't be some magical moment where a fairy godmother will appear. If you like him, talk to him. I don't know about you, but the men I've talked to in an open way, it's always been respected, whatever happens. I think this is one of the biggest barriers that men and women are too concerned with how they want their end game to turn out to have an open conversation with each other. Just MY opinion, but that's just one reason the divorce rate is as high as it is. Just for ME, if I can't talk to a man and be open, then what the HECK are we going to have to talk about if we were to get involved and I would conider investing years of my life in a relationship? Oh, HELL to the no, I'd be more than a disapontment to myself if I needed reassrance from a goup of strangers that somone liked me. I met lots of people that do, thats superficial, if I find someone that I like, be sure that if he hasn't made iit obvious he likes me, I have many other things I'd rather be doing. This isn't at all about him, it's about you and I'd seriously take an honest inventory of your self esteem.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 157 (view)

Jodi Arias Trial Posted: 4/26/2013 5:09:05 PM
"It's beyond me how someone can't see this as premeditation." This isn't the linchpin as far as the conviction phase, but it is cruicial to the sentencing part. I have experience, that I never wanted as being a key witness in a first degree murder trial, and what most people (with no criminal justice or legal experience) don't understand about premeditation is that it is not relative to a length of time. In the case I was involved in, the lead prosecutor educated the jury that although the person who was murdered was not the intended target, there was audio confession that the perp made a decision that he had to kill this other person who was there to kill the person he came there to murder. I just say that to make that point that premeditation doesn't mean the prosecution has to prove intent (which is crucial) happened before the person arrived at the scene of the crime. There was a brief update aired today while I had the TV on, and I haven't admittedly followed this case from the beginning, but IF the prosecution has proven it was her gun and she brought it with her, to my knowledge there is no substantive proof, or corroborative testimony of an abusive relationship, then...just take a common sense pause and imagine if you were a juror. Is there a defensible reason for her to have brought the gun (her gun...murder weapon) into the house? This is only one reason why this trial has gone on for several months, and being how the justice system operates, it's really how the system actually operates. All the other questions, distractions, what blah blah about the relationship, emails, photos...yadda yadda. I tend to think like a juror would, perhaps because of my own experience, and honestly I can tell you that most of what's been posted here would be the white nosie the defense is tasked with tossing out but which the jurors, as best as they are able to, will discard as not relative. A volitile relationship? A sexually charged relationship? Blah blah...neither of those are a crime, or end up in a courtroom. Remember the judge is taked with instructions to the jury and that's the LAST thing they hear before going to deliberate. And I wish I could remeber more about the case, but if it IS a fact that she brought her own gun to the crime scene, then it would seem so insurountable to cop a defense of self defesne given the physical evidence AND her own final adission she WAS there. Fill in the cliche, dog and pony show, smoke and mirrors,....Jurors are tasked with an incredible responsibily and it's taken very seriously. Absent the appearance of a botched investigation, this one seems to be in the bag. Then again, Casey Anthony and OH Simpson were also acquitted. Both lengthy trials with mind boggiing testimony to conider. Any prosecuting or defense attorney would tell you, it's a unknown until the verdict is published. That's all that matters..

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

What can I improve? Posted: 4/18/2013 8:11:48 PM
Not MY site, not my rules. Posting this isn't ....I could care less, but both of you could not just get this post but your profile deleted. I don't give a flip, I'll still be here but those who don't bother to read what they agreee to abide by to join the site.....you may want to read that you agreed to or you may be among those who are poofed. Posting on the forums is a privilege...membership is free either can be gone. Personally, I don't care, but if you were smart you should.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Is anyone else watching All Star Celebrity Apprentice? Posted: 4/18/2013 6:34:15 PM
I've only watched the last few seasons, and have to confess I'm addicted. I will at some point, either buy the DVD box set of the seasons I mssed, or tell my kids I want them. May is my birthday and Mother's Day...woohoo. Thank goodness, my daughter in law (well ONE of them) is watching. I already loved her, she's a Bucs fan...haha. Okay, well we just have something else to talk about!! It'a my close second favorite show, other than Castle.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 123 (view)

Lowered Expectations Posted: 4/18/2013 6:27:23 PM
It's always an individual decision, what I believe happens with many after being on this or other sites, after awhile it's not a matter of lowering expectations, it's a case of adjusting expectations to be more realistic. I'm fairly sure I'm not the only one who gets pages of emails every week from members who have extremely unrealistic expectations. Or are delusional.....take your pick.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

pics of men in women's profiles, pets Posted: 4/18/2013 6:09:32 PM
If you read the profile writing tips that is known as a common mistake and never recommended. I've gone thousands of profile reviews, but you can only give GOOD advice, you can't make someone follow it. Frankly, it's just as if not more common in men's profiles, it you were to look at them. BUT, the good thing is if you find something you don't like, there are 7,893,275 profiles to click through! This IS, BTW the site with the most members on the web.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Is this creepy to anyone else besides me? Posted: 4/18/2013 5:57:35 PM
"Oh I can trump that :p Don;t give your digits to strangers" Lighten up a bit, c'mon everyone here is a stranger. SOME stranger than others, give her a break. She did email for a week.....I usually ask for their number, but it's no big deal. If they have a problem giving me their number, only had one who hesitated, and I just blocked him. I'd only suggest to the OP you ask them for their number, and a good time to call. If they don't give you that, delete their emails and forget about it. MANY, of the guys here are "shoppers" and treat the site like a candy store and are abymysmally self unaware and think they're all hot stuff and they've been on the site awhile will try to recontact any women who resplied. Even fat, ugly men older than me....seriously. I wouldn't worry about it, OP, after awhile you'll learn to hone your filters. You're an attractive, vibrant woman, Set your own standards and don't get distracted by those that aren't worth your time.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 52 (view)

Women Pushing 40...Or Over Posted: 4/18/2013 5:48:43 PM
"What about women in this age group who are looking to get married and have children?" I know a lot of men on this site in your age group who want to get married that I wouldn't date. I think it may be the have children...have you done your research? Any pregnancy over 35 is considered high risk. There are men who are looking for "breeders" meaning older men (ugh!) that want to have children who are way past middle age but won't consider anyone over 30. Just saying....but it's more common than you may want to know. If you're seriously considering having a child, you need to visit your OB/GYN first and tell then that and let them tell you what the risks are and your chances of carrying a fetus to term. Having a child should be a serious and well informed decision.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Is this creepy to anyone else besides me? Posted: 4/18/2013 5:39:54 PM
First off, there's no way you can know how many times someone's viewed your profile. You're not familiar with how the viewed me function works, and trust me it's useless. I can think of many words I could use, but creepy wouldn't be on my list.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

What am I doing wrong? Posted: 4/18/2013 5:34:52 PM
If I were you I'd pay attention to whatever Cowboy and Silent Steel have to say. Bookstores are the singles bars of the 90's, I realize you're a little young to know that. I realize it's your job, but you surely have more than a few opportunities to chat up a few ladies. And you're in college? Are you extremely shy? Two words....study group. Start or join one in a class that has women you'd like to get to know. The last time I was in college, I was MARRIED and very happily, but wowsers there were some really hot very TOO young guys in a few of my classes. Plus you're educated, women are turned on more by what's going on between your ears than what's in your pants....haha. Well many are, even at your age and probably the type of women you'd be interested in. Polish your conversation skills with women, it seems you spend a LOT of time in target rich environments.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Should I keep pursuing this, or is she just not interested? Posted: 4/18/2013 5:14:02 PM
I didn't even read the OP, I think if you don't know if you should persue someone, that should tell you all you need to know. There are some who just like to be persued because they enjoy the attention. It's not as if there aren't enough single women. I wouldn't continue to persue anyone who didn't indicate some interest.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

What can I improve? Posted: 4/18/2013 5:09:58 PM
Just so you know, your profile is only part of your overall experience here, success however you define it involves a lot more. It'd be wise to familiarize yourself with forum topics of interest to you.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 64 (view)

PTSD Posted: 4/18/2013 5:04:37 PM
"if they have a medical condition. " PTSD is not a medical condition, and it can be successfully treated. There can be events that trigger an episode, which can be everything from a nightmare to panic attacks. If it's someone you're considering going out with, you need to get as much information as you can, not just about PTSD, but about his history. My incident was 21 years ago, that doesn't necessarily mean anything, but generally the longer it's been, the more likely there'll be fewer if any episodes and they'll be infrequent. It's not how long it's been, it's what they've done to deal with it and how well they're been educated about the tools to cope with it. Many people who've known me for years don't even know I've dealt with it, unless the incident comes up in conversation. I always share it if I'm going to date someone, but not necessarily everyone I become acquainted with. For ME, it's never been an issue with someone who wanted to date me. I can't remember the last time I had any sort of episode like a nightmare....but I've educated myself about it.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

The Friend zone.. Posted: 4/18/2013 4:55:03 PM
"just because I told her i would stare at her boobs doesn't mean I would" If you ask women for input, you'd be smart to listen to it. If you were trying to be funny, you failed. Feel free to disregard that too, and good luck with the years you'll be spending here trying to find a date....just saying.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

what do you guys think? Posted: 4/18/2013 4:52:29 PM
Here's the deal with pics, generally speaking the group shots are somewhat distracting. People want to see YOU, not our friends, family, coworkers, neighbors........I think you get the gist. Plus, if you have a friend in the pic someone may show more interest in her. I'm just saying it happens. Get one of your geek friends if you don't know how to use photoshop, and lighten up your main pic. It looks really dark in the thumbnail. It's not a bad pic, but it's not terrific either. Try getting someone to take a pic outdoors, the natural light is the most flattering and easier to manage. Indoor lighting isn't that conducive to great photography. Forget the group pics, trust me noone wants to try to figure out who you are. Get a friend, go to a park, or somewhere outdoors that's a nice setting. Wear an outfit that's comfortable in colors that are flattering to your color pallette and try for a candid shot, not posed. If you can get a candid outdoor shot that looks natural, that would be a great pic.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Guy dissapearing & not knowing what's going on Posted: 4/18/2013 4:37:52 PM
You sent him the last message on Tuesday? If you mean this Tuesday, it's barely two days. I wouldn't file a missing person report yet...okay, just kidding. You haven't talked to him long enough to know his habit patterns yet. I can tell you though this behavior is very common. Many times, a guy's interest wanes after a few days, a week, whaever. Just know they're "shoppers" and treating the site like it's a catalog. Many do this when they're new on the site and try to talk to everyone! He may pop back on and shoot you a message, but don't be surprised if it's 3 or 6 months later. It's called recontacting..I did a thread about it awhile ago. You need to set YOUR standards and decide what you'll accept and what's unacceptable. If someone's really interested, they're going to persue you come hell or high water. He may have been interested, just not very interested. Don't worry about it, forget him and if he contacts you in a few months, blow him off.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

What can I improve? Posted: 4/18/2013 4:29:24 PM
First thing you need to do is read the forum posting rules AND the specific rules for this forum. Also learn to use thread search. Profile review is a separate forum and this isn't it.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

Is the art of communication dying? Posted: 4/18/2013 4:27:55 PM
Yeah, I agree that communication is a tool that is necessary to be successful in life. Conversation, THAT is an art form, IMO, it's also a skill which means it can be learned. I know men my age and older (the few that live that long....haha) that totally suck at communication. I'll just say this, technology hasn't done anything to IMPROVE communication or conversation, but then we've had microwaves a lot longer, and noone's thrown out their stoves. I think the whole subject is highly individual, and that age isn't a relevant factor. I notice a lot of the job ads require excellent communication skills, then again I work in the business realm. I think strongly that the better you're able to communicate, the more likely you'll be successful in the business world.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

The Friend zone.. Posted: 4/18/2013 4:20:11 PM
Women put men in the friend zone that they're not attracted to. It could be any number of reasons, I think some of the comments you made would definitely put you there if it were me. No wait, wouldn't even want you as a friend, but....that's just me. I've had some really good looking guy friends, but I just wasn't interested in them for dating. Sometimes even a handsome man doesn't turn my crank, I'm more interested in what's going on between their ears. I can tell you that telling a woman you're going to be staring at her chest won't be considered flattering or even acceptable to the majority of women. So if you have no filter and make a lot of such inappropriate comments, that could be part of it. Frankly I'd be surprised you'd have many women even talk to you, then again...that's just MY opinion. I just don't take to crass, rude men.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 142 (view)

Jodi Arias Trial Posted: 4/18/2013 4:01:45 PM
As someone said, the defense doesn't have to prove their claim, which is true. It's the duty of the prosecution to prove their case, that's just basic jury trial 101. However, the defense will have to "sell" their defense to the jury, because if the jury doesn't "buy" it, that could be enough for a guilty verdict. If you think like a juror, what would you look for? I'd look for proof that she was there (which there is plenty of) the lack of proof there was anyone else there. As far as whether she stalked him or not or whatever else, their relationship certainly was fairly rocky and certainly out of the norm. I don't think that would weigh that heavily with a jury, BUT that's just my opinion. If she brought the gun, then along with the pictures which place her at the scene at the time and her interview where she made up some story about two other guys who came and attacked them which she then recanted, that seems to pretty much seal it for me. Again, though it's just my opinion, but that's what I'd be thinking if I were a juror.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 138 (view)

Jodi Arias Trial Posted: 4/18/2013 10:47:16 AM
To justify putting someone to death who has taken someone else's life, it's for the protection of society so they can't murder another person. It's not just a tit for tat, it's the state that brings the case against the defendant and it's not just punishment for the crime, it's for the safety of the citizens wich is the duty of the criminal justice system. Putting someone to death is not murder, you can't compare them at all. Murder is against the law, whereas a death sentence is handed down by the crinimal justice system. More different than even apples and oranges, it's like comparing apples to hamburger. Our legal system exists to decide on consequences for breaking the law and keeping dangerous people locked up.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

I need some advice Posted: 4/16/2013 5:49:11 PM
^^ why I have a huge girl crush I'm decades past being a girl as are both of my daughters. Read the posting rules for the forums and don't hijack another thread.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 131 (view)

Jodi Arias Trial Posted: 4/16/2013 5:30:00 PM
"All I really care about is that she not be put to death" Respectfully, this is a topic about the case, not an argument for or against the death penalty. Since you brought it up, though maybe you may want to take an actual case with an actual person and find out what the real rate of rehabilitation is? What she MAY be able to do, that's conjecture or delusion at best. I can tell you from personal experience and talking to the prison officials is that rehabilitation is lalaland. Prisoners with life sentences spend their time trying to figure out how to escape. That's the reality, and they'll do whatever they have to and don't care who they have to hurt or kill to do so. Contribute to other prisoners INSIDE prison....that's just short of delusional, IMO, they only collude with other prisoners for their own benefit. Oh yeah, put someone in prison who's kllled someone and they magically become contrite and resmorseful and want to pay back their debt to society? Ehh...that wouldn't make a good LifeTime movie...noone could sell that script. Bottom line is that someone who's taken a life without provocation, they're adjuged to be a threat to society. If you feel so strongly, maybe you should take her home and let her live with you, and rehabiltate her yourself, then you could tell her what she would do and should do...oh wait you said inside prison. How about if she were inside YOUR hone, would you say the same?

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

I need some advice Posted: 4/16/2013 5:09:15 PM
"Five months no contact and now he has contacted me out of the blue. He said he thinks about me all of the time" Umm...you need to take your BS detector back and get a refund. Yeah, it's happenened to me, but my BS detector works fine. I call them the recontacters, which is the bottom of the barrel. I give anyone that I may be interested in a limited amount of time, and honestly, I DO forget them, with no effort required on my part. So I think it'a maybe mildly amusing, who are you? When? Pathetic on their part (I know they're searching through whatever...). When they can finally refresh my memory, oh yeah, well let me tell you to #@( off yet again, and don't contact me. Five moneths, you're forgettable because you ddin't give him what he wanted THEN. Read your OP, I don't forget anyone I think about every day for five months? You gotta be kidding me..c'mon you know better. I guarantee he's told several other women the same exact thing.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 46 (view)

I was wondering when you get the feeling that you're being taken for granted Posted: 4/16/2013 4:56:04 PM
"I would find it odd to be taken for granted if we'd only been dating a short time." Again, for my own experience it wasn't anyone I dated a short time. For the purpose of discussion of a topic, I left it open ended as to how long someone had been with someone else. I've posted very few new topics, and ehh...yeah I am a professional writer, but it's not always easy to pose a new topic and encompass all the potentijlynn1955 al variables. Then again, that's what makes the forums interesting and enlightening!

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 73 (view)

So what's so wrong about needing someone? Posted: 4/16/2013 4:47:06 PM
Okay, here's what I'm taking from the gist of the conversation. First off needing someone, that's a strong word, by definiton it means a lack of something without someone else. And yes, in the sense of humanity, we all NEED each other. and a sense of belonging is a basic human need. The crux is what it is you need the other person for. Love, acceptance, affirmation, and being able to get down the boxes out of the attic (okay, that's one of my own...). For myself, I'm aware of what I need someone else for, and love, acceptance, affirmation, belonging, I have people in my life that provide that...yes, even to get the boxes out of the attic. I've known those who don't feel happy, complete...blah blah who can't stand to be "alone" meaning not having "someone" in their life. I've said it and many wiser people than me have, you can't ever learn to be happy if you can't be happy living by yourself. It's not that I don't value a reomantic relationship, it's just that I never think about that in terms of needing, at times not even seeking it out, but open if it just happens. I think that's where many are just missing it, they're looking, seeking, dating, frustrated when things aren't going along as they expect. You're always at a disadvantage when you approach any situation out of need. I won't even bother to give examples, it's just so true. So, in first contacts, it doesn't take that many emails/chats/phone convos, you may ask someone what they want, but if you know how to cut through the BS you can find out what they need, or maybe more accurately what they want NOW. The thing is when you need someone, you are reliant, dependent on them for something they have to continually give you. Constantly having to feed someone else's needs...for me, no thanks. When you need someone, it can be okay at first, but it gets old and tiresome real quick, and becomes a burden.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

What to do about chick at work Posted: 4/16/2013 4:19:58 PM
First off you need to realize that your job should take priority, if not, good luck when you have to find another one. I know you're young...and well other things..okay immature, but there are MANY girls to flirt with, and the absolute WORST place to TRY to do that is on any job. Let me make this more blunt, don't try to get LAID (emphasize TRY...haha) when someone else is paying you to do something. My money is on you couldn't pay this girl to go out with you, she's just enjoying toying with your attention. You're not mature enough to recognize an obvious tease, she's laughing about it and telling her friends (most likely). Bottom line son, is, you don't do anything about anyone at work other than show up on time, do your job to the best of your ability and learn to keep your work and social life totally SEPARATE.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Any advice? Posted: 4/16/2013 4:10:39 PM
Okay, OP, please don't take this the wrong way. As I said, I don't care if you use any of what I rewrote for you or not, but you've not made one single change to your profile. Forget MY posts, all the other great advice, I'm just curious do you not know how to edit your profile and need help with that? If so, please say so.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

I was wondering when you get the feeling that you're being taken for granted Posted: 4/16/2013 4:07:07 PM
""Take for granted" means making assumptions that the other person is going to do things, or want things, or take things, or accept things, or acquire things, or provide things, or put up with things, and so on. " Good point, igor, ehh...I did some thinking about this (would you stop that? haha). Just a comment, but I think there is a difference between doing things for someone else because you ENJOY doing them and doing things that someone else asks you to do. I see where taken for granted and assumption may be confusing. I can only speak for my own experience, and while I may do some things that I enjoy doing, I only felt taken for granted when it came to things I was asked to do, and the more I did the more they asked. In retrospect, when you just lay it out in a sentence, it sounds simplistic, like well DUH, but in the actual relationship it's something that occurs over a period of time, so the awareness isn't always so instantaneous. I may have confused the issue by using the word "feeling" taken for granted rather than the awareness that you're being taken for granted. Because when I became aware, it was fairly obvious. Like I said, this just speaks to my own experience.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 129 (view)

Jodi Arias Trial Posted: 4/16/2013 3:57:51 PM
Since none of us are or will ever be privvy to all their private moments or conversations, the claim of self defense (or plea, whatever it is) does not have to proven per se as per evidentiary rule of law, but it will have to be substantiated. I think it's as simple as the amount and severity of the injuries inflicted does not substantiate a self defense claim. I think one could argue for overkill, as she would have had first of all to be in fear for her life, which the pictures taken shortly before would seem to imply anything BUT. This is not the only problem with the defense, just watching her interviews with the detectives and changing her story, not just details but a total 180....c'mon now. As a juror, that would carry the most weight with me. This is JUST an opinion and I HAVE been in an abusive relationship and almost lost my life because of it. This may prejuidice me, but based on my own personal experience, I am familiar with how a truly battered woman behaves. And yes my opinion in at least partially based on that, and yes because of my personal history I'd never be selected to sit on a jury in a case like this.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Why girls don't you reply? Posted: 4/9/2013 4:38:57 PM
"Manners costeth no-one, why the silence?" Do you always talk like Yoda...never mind. Do you reply to every piece of junk mail you receive? Thought not, it's the same they're both unsolicited. Just because someone has a profile here doesn't mean they're interested in every man that drops them an email. You don't understand manners, maybe they're being polite in NOT telling you why they're not interested......ever think about that?

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

So what's so wrong about needing someone? Posted: 4/9/2013 4:22:26 PM
"Men want to feel needed." NO, not ALL men, some do some don't. Also feeling needed and BEING needed aren't the same at all.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Where do you find intelligent, nerdy women? Posted: 4/9/2013 4:14:13 PM
Apparently the OP ran off to the library and took his profile with him.....haha. Another one ran off by the forums!!

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

whats going on? Posted: 4/9/2013 3:50:53 PM
Okay since you posted this once already and make NO changes, then either knock over a bank and hire a bunch of overweight blind hookers or PAY someone to fix you up. You're not going to have any success here.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 40 (view)

So what's so wrong about needing someone? Posted: 4/9/2013 3:38:49 PM
It's different to depend on someone and to NEED someone. For example, I can mow my own lawn, if I were to be in a relationship then I would NEED him to mow the lawn. Okay...haha maybe not the best example. As has been pointed out I think it depends on what you "need" the other person for and what they "need" you for. Just remember when you say you need someone, it implies that without them you would be without that particular "thing". Some use this as a means of control over another person if they can do something for that person they can't do for themselves.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

Lowered Expectations Posted: 4/9/2013 3:30:03 PM
I think the whole online dating experience somehow skews what we would normally do in "real life". I think you should have the same standards, expectations...whatever as you would if you met someone at a festival or a friend's party. Many seem to treat this and other sites as a catalog of possibilities it seems there are so many more choices, when that it just an illusion. You can run a search with any set of parameters and have a few or hundreds even thousands of profiles returned. It means absolutlely nothing. The only difference in meeting someone here and in "public" so to speak is that you possibly have a little more info, ASSUMING their profile facts are accurate. It just doesn't make sense that you would change anything about meeting someone new just because of the venue.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Do you think a true relationship is possible? Posted: 4/9/2013 3:14:07 PM
Why are you worrying about what MIGHT happen in the future when you're not interested in having a relationship? I can tell you for some it will matter, for some it won't. When you DO get to the time where you do want to have a relationship, no matter what you've done, you'll have to find someone who will accept you fully as you are, including your past, as you will her. You have to decide if you think you won't e able to find someone in the future who not be able to accept you SOLELY because you were formerly a male stripper. I can't answer that for you, nor can anyone else. Anything is possible, it's what's probable.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 83 (view)

Jodi Arias Trial Posted: 4/9/2013 3:08:37 PM
I am a true crime buff and I saw a 48 Hours show, I believe it was, about this case. I think she was simply obsessed with him and wouldn't let him go even though she'd already started dating someone else. I think the only mistake HE made was continuing to see her after they were supppsedly broken up. That's the gist of the relationship, now to the crime, the only forensic evidence is linked to HER being in the house. The tape of her initial interview plus the changing of her stories, I don't think any defense attorney will be able to pull a self defense acquittal out of a hat. I would imagine that the jury won't come back with first degree as there is no proof of premeditation, so probably at least 2nd degree murder, hopefully NOT manslaughter. There was no chance of an insanity defense, she already shot that down early on. Being narsasstic, self absorbed, and obsessed is not a mental illness, nor does it meet the legal standard of insanity. I do hope they put this woman in prison for life, or most of it as I do think she'd pose a high risk to any man who crosses her path.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

whats going on? Posted: 4/9/2013 2:55:51 PM
First off you need to read the posting rules, you didn't post a very specific defined topic. What's going on is it....blah blah...could cover just about anything. Learn to use thread search and read the multiple threads about profile writing, sending messages and all the other things that could go wrong. YOU have to put forth the effort, women aren't just going to fall into your inbox.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

How do you know if you like someone? Posted: 4/9/2013 2:48:23 PM
C'mon now, you knew if you liked a boy or not in elementary school. If you want to keep spending time with him or talking to him when you don't have to, then that should be a clue. I don't even think that's the real question here anyway. I think you're trying to define what your relationship is whether he's "just" a friend or you have interest in him in a romantic sense. Personally, I think you should just enjoy your friendship with him as it is and let things happen. You're spending so much mental energy trying to decide how you feel (which you don't by the way, you FEEL as you feel) or how you think you should feel or want to feel, wow that's just taking away from enjoying your friendship with him. Quit trying to predict what's going to happen, if you want to call a psychic, pay me $3.99 a minute and I'll give you a psychic reading.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

I was wondering when you get the feeling that you're being taken for granted Posted: 4/4/2013 8:43:46 PM
"Hey that happens to us guys as well." I'm aware of that I have brothers, raised two sons and have had many male friends. It's just never happened that anyone I ever dated or was involved with ever verbalized that he felt that way. It could be they did, but didn't say so. I just don't read minds, wouldn't want to. I can only go by what I've been told and I've never been told that.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Why do girls add me to their favourites and not say anything Posted: 4/4/2013 8:30:40 PM
"consider myself a handsome guy with a nice smile" Yeah, duh so does your mom. What's your point, that's two out of oh I don't know, the most recent stats say the site population is 10 million, so even if it were half female...the numbers are staggering. I'll just take a wild stab and assume your mom's not a member so that would be one...on this site.

bucsgirl

Joined: 5/13/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Any advice? Posted: 4/4/2013 8:24:17 PM
Listen, hon don't feel bad about what you did. YOU did nothing wrong, of course you're posting pics showing about your life and your sweet baby girl is very much a part of that. It's just the sad reality of how the world is. I posted a pic of me and my kids, too....I didn't know either. When someone told me, that pic disappeared quicker than a pepperoni extra chesse pizza at a Weight Watchers convention! Don't you feel bad about that ever. This site is a learning curve, just like life. I've been blessed to have friends to help me, so if there's anything I can do to help you, I have no email restrictions for that reason.

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