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mayladybug62

Joined: 5/18/2006

Msg: 105 (view)

feeling insecure naked...... Posted: 7/12/2008 1:32:54 AM
Here's my two cents...for what it's worth. My experience with men that I"ve been with in a caring relationship is if I'm with them NAKED...I am JUST what they want right then. And the VERY rare occasion I've been naked around a man without a "relationship"...they just think "Ahhhh....pretty girl naked". If you are in a serious relationship with this man and you are really concerned about what he thinks of your body and you want to be the best for him that you can be....ask him. Tell him you want honesty. Tell him to FORGET what they say about telling a woman what she wants to hear....tell him that YOU want to hear HIS true thoughts. Just be willing and ready to hear whatever he has to say. He might tell you that you've got a littel cellulite that could use some work or the stretch marks aren't the sexiest thing...but that might not detract from his attraction to you at all. So just ask....and if you can't ask...trust that he thinks you are looking pretty hot being naked with HIM!!!! mayladybug

mayladybug62

Joined: 5/18/2006

Msg: 129 (view)

The Longer You Go Without Posted: 7/12/2008 1:19:40 AM
MissMewsic....I know EXACTLY how you feel. I had a date last summer with a man whom I really connected with. He was the first one in a number of years since my divorce. We went to his place to let his dogs out and decided to sit and have a glass of wine. We talked and shared laughs and the more relaxed we became the easier it was to feel comfortable with some physical connections with some truly outstanding kissing. It took great control on my part to stop myself as things were quickly getting much past kissing. As hard as it was for me....getting all those LOVELY feelings in places I thought no longer worked....I bid him farewell for the evening and went home. But....he asked for my number and when I got home and checked my email there was a really great one from him saying how much he'd enjoyed our time together. Well....we emailed once or twice after and then he too deleted his profile and never called again. Really ticked me off. If all he wanted was to get me into bed...just say so and give me the opportunity to say yes or no. Don't ask for my number and lead me on for a few more days. I'm a big girl. Well...ever since then....I"ve been even MORE reluctant to "let down my guard" with anyone I feel that I could connect with. It just really made me wary of men and relationships once again. I've almost come to the point that forget the whole thing with relationships....maybe I should just find a boytoy. But then there is the moral dilemma. NO....just because you go without for years...doesn't mean those desires go away. At least not for me. I miss the closeness of being with someone I care about...and some days I just miss having some all out FUN sex!!! And they told me my 30's was peak for women....HAH!!!! I dream of someone special to prove the late 40's and 50's can be extraordinary. mayladybug

mayladybug62

Joined: 5/18/2006

Msg: 136 (view)

MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX Posted: 4/30/2008 1:26:05 AM
This is a very interesting topic. I have wondered about this myself over the years. Just recently I have had occasion to have converstations with two men that are in the midst of a divorce. And while sex itself (or the lack thereof) is not the primary reason for the divorce, it does factor into the equation. But for both men, it wasn't just sex they were missing. It was intimacy. In converstaions with both men, they shared that it had become unbearable to live with a woman they had loved and attempted to share a life with, without so much as a hug or kiss on the cheek or any type of tenderness shown. ONe cannot help but think that women who completely cut off the man they profess to love more than any other are engaging in some sort of game playing. Of course, no one except those that are involved will ever know of what conversations about the lack of physical intimacy took place in these relationships. But, knowing both men well, I can imagine it did get discussed. And this was not a "instantaneous" change....it evolved to this point. Men who marry, like women, have a strong desire for caring and sharing and touch and feeling like they are IMPORTANT to the person who is most important in their life. Being welcomed home, a hug or kiss, "how's your day" can go a long way in a relationship. It's those little things that pave the way and set the tone for a loving intimate atmosphere. I think it is so very wrong for men or women to withhold intimacy of any kind in the context of marriage. As someone else said....when you are married....it's license to share the "icing on the cake" so to speak. And if you aren't sharing, and you value the vows of marriage....then you are really stuck. Some serious converstation needs to occur for this couple who are not being open and honest. If there is a problem...work it out. If the wife says there is no problem and is not willing to redevelop intimacy with her spouse, then he will have to make some decisions that may be hard and painful. But, I would encourage him to make serious attempts and getting to the root of the problem and see what can be done before seeking intimacy outside his marriage.

mayladybug62

Joined: 5/18/2006

Msg: 141 (view)

No baggage, is there any such thing? Posted: 2/26/2008 12:56:01 AM
I've LIVED my life. Therefore, I have a past. The challenges I've faced have had an impact on who I am today and how I make my decisions. Does that what "baggage" consists of? Well, if you don't have any then you probably have had a very boring life. I wouldn't trade one experience I've had just to be able to say I have no baggage. mayladybug

Mayladybug62

Joined: 5/18/2006

Msg: 52 (view)

Does your screen name fit your personality? Posted: 7/12/2007 2:22:33 AM
I don't know if you would say it fits my personality, but it does "fit" me. The May is about my birth month and last name (I'll tell you the WHOLE last name if I meet ya), and the ladybug is because I love ladybugs. My REAL first name DOES fit my personality if you look up the meaning of names. "busy as a bee" mayladybug

Mayladybug62

Joined: 5/18/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Fun first dates/meetings Posted: 7/12/2007 2:13:47 AM
I really feel lucky to have had a number of really GREAT first meetings/dates. My friend David took me to Florence for brunch and we happened upon a car show. Walked through town, ate brunch, then down to the beach to talk and get to know one another better. Outdoor concerts - went to two last summer for first meetings. Met at the gate, listened to music, visited, had dinner afterwards. Very low key and you don't feel so "on the spot" for having to talk til your throats dry. :) A walking/eating/drink date through downtown Eugene was a fun date. Met at the brewery on 5th street, walked to OES for appetizers and wine. Then off to search out music, more food, drinks, more walking, more music, more food and drink. A variety of environments and interesting conversations along the way. I think that first meeting lasted about 9 hours. Truly, in Oregon, there are options for everyone's tastes and budgets and time allowances. Good luck, and keep sharing the GREAT ideas. mayladybug

Mayladybug62

Joined: 5/18/2006

Msg: 89 (view)

Introduce Yourself Here. Posted: 7/12/2007 2:00:43 AM
Hey all you OREGON POF'ers. Nice to meetcha. I've been on this site for over 6 months and have really enjoyed meeting a few people (some of them even in person!!!). Oregon is a wonderful state to live in and if you are seeking like-minded activity friends, there are more activities than most folks have time for. Personally, I enjoy getting together with a friend and taking a drive to the beach for brunch, going to a free outdoor concert, meeting up for a glass of wine at one of the various wine tasting rooms in the area, going to a OREGON DUCKS football game and having homemade chili and cornbread afterwards, heading to one of the various lakes to play in the water (dang I wish I had a boat), or even Starbucks and a coffee make for a nice meeting/date. Would be great if we had a get-together in this area(Willamette Valley), so a bunch of us could meet all at once. Anyone interested in working on this with me? Maybe for early September. My social life will be coming to quite an abrupt end after 9/24 when I am back to school full time. But....if anyone wanted to help with organization and logistics, I'd be more than happy to be a co-planner for some kind of POF event. Well....good luck to all of you in your search...for whatever it is...friends, romance, LTR, and email buddies. mayladybug

Mayladybug62

Joined: 5/18/2006

Msg: 57 (view)

the high cost of living in california Posted: 7/2/2007 1:54:51 AM
I'd buy Bill a beer...I mean geesh....it's a beer. And he's such a gentleman, he'd prolly buy a round too! Bill...how about a Art and Wine fest??? Eugene at it's finest and lots of sun and great music. I'll buy the first flight of tastes...not beer this time...wine. mayladybug

mayladybug62

Joined: 5/18/2006

Msg: 582 (view)

The things you miss most about being in a relationship... Posted: 4/20/2007 12:31:11 AM
Well, since my last relationship was such a "dud", it makes it more difficult to remember what I miss about being in a relationship. Guess I'll have to go WAY back to when I was in a good one...hmmm...do those schema's still have any information left in them??? I miss having that special someone look at me from across a room full of people and feeling like I am the MOST important person in the room. I miss the little surprises....like a fire going and a stack of movies and some wine with lots of pillows and blankets on the living room floor. I miss waking up on Sunday and mutually deciding to "play hookie" from church and making a huge brunch and then going back to bed for some quality one on one time. I miss having someone that gets my jokes and will laugh at them with me. I miss having my feet and legs massaged after a long day at work. I miss having someone to hug me when I'm sad or had a bad day. I miss having someone who just knows me so well...that I don't have to explain every little thing to them. Even tho I miss these things.....my life is pretty satisfactory. But...it is nice to have someone to share things with.

mayladybug62

Joined: 5/18/2006

Msg: 40 (view)

medical/health field Posted: 4/19/2007 11:15:01 PM
The couple of engineers I've known were kinda strange. Different. But, strange and different isn't a bad thing. I've been known to be strange and different. I've been in the medical field for 8+ years. And while my eyes have DEFINATELY been opened, I do not feel that I am jaded. I will make time to sit with a cancer patient to hear thier story of finding thier true love after having gone through a terrible divorce and being single for 15 years. I will hold hands with the 90 year old grandma who is so worried about her grandchild who is stealing from her because of a drug habit....and I will cry. To me...crying doesn't represent "unprofessionalism"....it represents humanness. And I am a human FIRST....who chooses to be a nurse as a career choice. Yes...nurses are a special breed of person...at least the good ones are. They have to wear many hats and be a PR specialist, a customer service specialist, OUTSTANDING at communicating, able to set boundaries, succinct in their requests, and often willing to go without praise. Hmmmmm...sounds to me like being a wife!!!! :) Maybe that's why I'm a nurse and not a wife...can only do one well. Who knows????

mayladybug62

Joined: 5/18/2006

Msg: 81 (view)

Abstinence Posted: 4/18/2007 1:20:10 AM
Well...abstaining is NOT always easy. And it IS a choice...for almost everyone. I mean....if you want to get "laid"....it's not too hard to find SOMEone to fulfill that little job. I was talking with a younger gal at work about this tonight...she's only 23 and abstaining after a painful relationship breakup. Do guys REALLY understand that it's just as challenging for us gals to remain faithful to ourselves. I mean really....many of us who are abstaining LOVE SEX. But, we abstain FROM sex, because we are MORE than just sexual creatures. WE are complex multidimensional intelligent relational human beings. IN all honesty, I'll say that there are some days I think.....dang....how long might I have to wait? And then I remind myself how much I care about myself and know myself and know that just getting a little bootie call is NOT going to fulfill what I really want in life. And so....I wait!!!

mayladybug62

Joined: 5/18/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

medical/health field Posted: 4/18/2007 12:59:50 AM
I had to just laugh at this thread. My J O B is as a nurse. And I LOVE IT. I feel it's my calling in life. But, I'm just like anyone else in life that has a job. I have my good days and my not so great days. I do the best I can to provide a needed service. And when I come home, I have my OWN LIFE. Currently I am single, and enjoying my time with myself immensely. But, I do date. And I find satisfaction in meeting new people and hearing about what other folks do in thier lives. I also work part time as a landscape maintenence worker...not for the money...but because I get to be outdoors and enjoy INSTANT gratification. I guess you could say I'm diversified. :) And....if you view my pictures....even I will say I don't look too bad for being a "nurse". I take care of myself. How can I ask my patients to do something like monitor their weight or exercise if I didn't do it myself? But...I know that's not true of all nurses. LIke all fields of employment...there are varied personalities and behaviors and morals and values.

mayladybug62

Joined: 5/18/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Dates are social encounters Posted: 2/24/2007 6:37:37 PM
If one is looking for a "romantic encounter" then be up front about that. In my profile I try to be very open and honest that I am NOT looking for anything other than meeting people at this point in my life. I also say, because I try to be open-minded, that if I were to meet the RIGHT person, I wouldn't shut out romantic possibilities. For me, dating is a fun opportunity to enjoy some time with a new person and get to know them better. I dont' have expectations, other than good manners and respect. Most times, I have had wonderful experiences. I have even made a few new friends. I have never (as of yet) had a bad experience. Sometimes it is obvious from the get go that we just don't mesh in person. That's ok...live an learn I say. I dont' go on dates EVERY week...I am too busy. But when I do, I try to enjoy myself and be who I am. Even tho online dating is NEW compared to meeting folks in the grocery store or church, it's not that much different. Enjoy the moment. mayladybug

mayladybug62

Joined: 5/18/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Dates are social encounters Posted: 2/15/2007 7:19:25 PM
Dates are opportunities to get together with other people you are interested in spending some time with for a social encounter. They usually involve going to an activity that is desirable for both parties. I enjoy dates. I get to enjoy conversation, share time engaged in a recreational activity, and it's an opportunity to get to know someone. I never have any expectations. Sometimes when I date a new person, it's a really great time and I hope to see them again. But othertimes I realize during the course of our date, we don't have much in common and probably would not enjoy another encounter. Saying that, I always realize people have their "down" days, so would always be open to at least a second date (meeting). Dating is for those who enjoy meeting new people and thrive in social interactions. And if you are looking for love...dates are a GREAT starting place. I just urge people to realize a "date" is not going to necessarily result in an encounter that finds love. Enjoy it for what it is....a meeting of people. mayladybug

mayladybug62

Joined: 5/18/2006

Msg: 153 (view)

Dating more than one person!? Posted: 2/15/2007 7:08:04 PM
Dating according to The American Heritage Dictionary (and informal defination) To make or have social engagements with (persons of the opposite sex) Many people confuse "dating" with "courting". Courting - Verb: 1. To attemtp to gain the favor of by flattery or attention. 2. To attempt to gain the love of; woo. In order to meet many people and choose who you would want to gain favor of, you must have numerous dates. If you are looking to be "courted", but up front about that when you meet someone. Tell them you enjoy their company and would like to have the opportunity to become someone special in their lives. And, if that is not what you are seeking...then enjoy the dating scene for what it is....a social encounter. mayladybug

mayladybug62

Joined: 5/18/2006

Msg: 48 (view)

Does Sex confuse and or cloud the real feelings in dating? Posted: 2/15/2007 6:58:03 PM
DarknRomantic said "is humankind's in ability to rule their flesh/wants/desires, and everyone living life according to what they "feel" is right. Instead of checking it against something that is capable of measuring right and wrong." Let's be honest here. SEX FEELS GOOD!!!! We were designed that way. But, just because it feels good doesn't mean going out and getting that physical release is in anyway going to be a fulfilling experience in life. I know for myself, I seek more than just the physical aspects. And altho I've personally been celibate for a year, I would rather wait for the emotional ties to be secure than to "get some" and then be left feeling even more alone afterwards. I'm aware of how my body works physically. And just because something feels good physically doesn't mean it's going to be right for me psychologically or emotionally. Is this a difference in males and females? That I don't know. Maybe it would be a good subject matter for someones Master's Thesis? Debbie

Mayladybug62

Joined: 5/18/2006

Msg: 254 (view)

can non-pot smokers handle pot smokers? Posted: 6/20/2006 12:39:55 AM
My first husband was a major "pot-head". ANd I smoked my fair share as a teenager too. And when I was pre-child that was okay. But after having children I wanted to "get on with life". To this day he still smokes regularly, has not held a job in 15 years and owes over $70,000 in child support. I never held pot smoking against anyone even after my experience with him. Then, I married a man who smoked "occasionally". Well, this man in many ways STILL has NOT grown up. Marijuana in many ways can stunt your psychological maturity in addition to the other health risks involved. After my experiences I doubt I would ever want to get seriously involved with someone who smoked pot. I still don't hold it against a person...everyone is entitled to make their own choices in life. And I may date someone...but I don't think I would get in a committed relationship again with someone who smoked.

Mayladybug62

Joined: 5/18/2006

Msg: 104 (view)

Date a separated or newly divorced person? Posted: 6/16/2006 1:03:51 AM
I'm glad you can put on your profile that you are just looking to meet friends. That way...you don't have to necessarily be "dating", but can still have some fun meeting people and if something happens, even if fairly new to being single...there were no pretenses.

Mayladybug62

Joined: 5/18/2006

Msg: 88 (view)

what happened to getting to know you first before dating? Posted: 6/16/2006 12:55:46 AM
Calm Seas...you made such a valid point when you said "Let's think back to before computers". That's exactly what I thought when reading this thread and others. Before there were computers to "meet" people, we would meet them at church, at the store, at a party, be introduced by friends, etc. And we would talk...face to face...and then...if we liked what we saw/experienced there would be a request to meet again. And this would occur in a variety of settings and with phone calls and numerous interactions. The computer is a nice way to have an "at home" social life...but it really doesn't do the job of replacing a live interaction with another human being. There is so much to miss out on just sending emails. If someone seems interesting, weather it be for friendship, networking, or possibly more...the only way to really learn that is by spending time with the person. I'm all for a few emails and or "chat" sessions...but if it's someone I want to maybe have a relationship (that does NOT necessarily mean a romantic involvement) with, then I will have to spend some time with them to get to know them FOR REAL. I'm glad for this site and others, because I don't enjoy the bar scene and just moved to this area and so this is a way to have some initial interaction...but it will NEVER replace face to face human contact.

Mayladybug62

Joined: 5/18/2006

Msg: 512 (view)

Do You Men Read Our Whole Profiles? Posted: 6/16/2006 12:37:57 AM
I'm fairly new to this site...and to the whole "online" manner of meeting people. For me, the profiles are like a brief introduction at a gathering. But, rather than a friend introducing you, the person themselves is doing the introduction. After that...it's up to you to do your own "learning" of a person to determine if they are someone you would actually like to spend some of your time with. I do read them, and if there are things that are "total turnoffs" I don't make any further contact, just as I would in "real" life. If there is something there that is interesting or that I would like to know more about...that is where further contact is initiated. Anyhow...that's my two cents worth on the subject.

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