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 Author Thread: Did I do the right and sensible thing?
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Did I do the right and sensible thing?
Posted: 4/7/2010 10:15:46 PM
It is what it is!

Do what you have to do !

What's done is done!

Don't cry over spilt milk!

Give it time!

They are not cliches for nothing, but that doesn't make them any the less valid.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Now that I'm older...it finally makes sense.
Posted: 4/5/2010 5:09:03 AM
Yup

When back then I thought people over 50 were nearly dead.

Now I realise it's just the people who think they are (regardless of age)
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
 
What the girl is thinking about shy guy
Posted: 4/4/2010 10:10:49 PM
weird thread......
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 51 (view)
 
No phone conversation, no deal?
Posted: 4/4/2010 6:17:53 AM
I recently dated a woman who is hard of hearing. She can't hear anything on the phone. Texting, email and IM chat are the only ways. It was up to me to learn and adapt and I'm very glad I did.

Do what works......there are no rules. It's not about HOW you communicate, it's just about THAT you communicate and WHAT.

Now I quite like texting......
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Explain this to me: Why is it a waste that Ricky Martin is Gay?
Posted: 4/3/2010 5:40:40 PM
Really - why does anyone care?? Sorry, I just don't get it.

Firstly I cant even begin to understand the fascination with so-called "celebrities"...there is absolutely nothing special about most of them. Meanwhile true heroes are overlooked.

Secondly - what their sexual preference is should be of no concern to anyone. It's not news. It doesn't matter.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Explain this to me: Why is it a waste that Ricky Martin is Gay?
Posted: 4/1/2010 5:04:45 PM
Who is Ricky Martin
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Is life passing you by?
Posted: 3/27/2010 10:56:20 PM
There'll be plenty of time to take stock of your "beeen there, done that, tick it off" t-shirt collection when you're dead.

I'm far more interested in what's next than some retrospective ego stroke.

Ya live and ya die. Where are you now?
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Her email - It was lovely to meet up, I enjoyed myself but ...'
Posted: 3/27/2010 4:03:03 PM
No chemistry, no spark = obvious romance dealbreaker.

She wants to be friends- so it's up to you. Maybe things would change with time, maybe not.

You should probably move on.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Men, can you help me?
Posted: 3/26/2010 8:53:28 PM
You contacted people on his network you don't even know to track him down after only a few meetings with him. It's totally intrusive and certainly crosses the line. For me it would be unacceptable and a big red flag.


He thinks I was being possessive/obssessive and I wasn't, I was just really worried.

He's right and you are making excuses. If you want a second chance it starts by acknowledging what he says and seeing the truth in it. It doesn't matter what you say - what matters is how he feels. He feels that you are possessive and obsessive. Start listening!


My question is, should I give him more time? Should I email him and see how he is or just let him contact me when he's ready? I don't want to lose the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time. I would do anything to make it up to him.

Actions speak louder than words. You say you are not obsessive and possesive but you can't bear to leave him alone like he asked.

You are clearly driven by fear and anxiety of losing him. IMHO It's over the top. You need to resolve that within yourself before you can have a healthy relationship. You can't put a band-aid on this. It will happen again unless you deal with it. From your profile it seems this is typical behaviour for you. Don't beat yourself up - get some counselling and find out why you are like this and what to do about it.

EDIT: You can say it won't happen again but what will you do to make sure it doesn't? This is not a matter of deciding not to do something. This is a matter of dealing with anxiety. How will you control that anxiety so that your words have meaning? I'm willing to bet you have no idea where this comes from and that when it does come it overwhelms you to the point of panic and you start doing things like imagining the worst and contacting strangers.....maybe I'm wrong but if that is true you will need help to resolve it. The good news is that you can.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 309 (view)
 
Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 3/26/2010 7:24:46 PM

I think as single people, there is a growing resentment that we are victims of some crime. That life is being unfair to us.


You've got to be kidding....resentment? crime? victim? unfair? Hell no! Life is a gift. Sure it's very nice to spend some of it with the right person but it's great regardless.



The great irony of “feeling down” when we are dating is appreciating that dating is hard. The fact that being in a relationship is even harder! Many of our married friends state, not every day is sunny. However, I think many “single” people would agree…we would trade being in a relationship any day, for the thought of being alone…


Dating isn't hard - it's fun. If you find it hard then you must be burdening the process with some expectation of a desired outcome that prevents you from enjoying the moment. Have fun ! Meet someone new. Take it for what it is. See where it goes. If you're not having fun don't do it.

You say a relationship is hard but you'd give up being single to just not be alone. If you're not OK being alone then that's why being in a relationship is hard. You've gotta be good with yourself before you can share yourself with someone else.

And no - I wouldn't trade being single for just anyone to "not be alone". No way ! The right person or no person. I have no problem being alone, in fact solitude is as important to me as sharing time with others. It's all about balance.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 20 (view)
 
should i tell people i'm interested in.......
Posted: 3/24/2010 6:52:40 AM
To be honest I find the notion offensive that the OP should disclose this aspect of her life as though it's her problem. The OP doesn`t have a problem. What this is about is finding out if the guy IS a problem. The primary interest is the kids. It's not about letting the prospective suitor know, it's about ensuring the kids are not introduced to some racially insensitive person or worse. Said person may be quite PC if forewarned but what is needed here is an honest assessment of their real attitude.

As the OP has already said - a straight out question may not bring an honest answer. Likewise a bold statement or photo in the OP's profile may not filter out the undesirables. Sad fact but true that honesty does not always get reciprocated and some people have their own self-serving agendas.

Engage the prospective suitor in general current affairs conversation during the initial dates and let him sink or swim on the basis of his views expressed about what is going on in the world these days. My experience is that the average racist can't help but spill the beans if the discussion touches on the current US President or the events in the Middle East. I`d suggest looking for positive indicators as opposed to simply accepting the absence of negative indicators.

This is no small thing. It`s about the kids.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 8 (view)
 
should i tell people i'm interested in.......
Posted: 3/23/2010 7:37:11 PM
I say skip the photo. It's not cool to have photos of kids on these sites. You're fishing in a very big ocean with lots of strange fishies swimmin' about.

Contrary to another viewpoint expressed here I'd also suggest you explore someone's views on this BEFORE they get the privilege of meeting your kids. It doesn't take a great deal of racial insensitivity to be quite hurtful and kids don't need that.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
should i tell people i'm interested in.......
Posted: 3/23/2010 6:56:37 PM
Wouldn't it be great if we lived in a world where the correct response to this thread would be......."nah don't be silly - no one would ever think that matters" !!

You could ask people straight out....or you could just subtly get a sense of their prejudices first by discussing current affairs..........if they are the type to have a problem it'll come out.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 26 (view)
 
21 and never been kissed...
Posted: 3/23/2010 11:25:12 AM
I think you should be straight up on your profile about your religious beliefs.

Why wouldn't you ??

Bait your hook for the type of fish you want to catch. You'll get less nuisance nibblers who are frustrated to find out after the fact that you have a massive and fundamental difference in philosophical views.

You KNOW that this is a fundamental thing yet you complain about how they end contact when you aren't up front in the first place. Meanwhile they guy you are looking for may not be making contact because he's looking for the one fundamental thing you aren't mentioning and says "too bad" and moves on.

In your profile you list a "few interesting things" about yourself. Why is your religious conviction and its huge impact on your relationship criteria not in that list?

I guess what I'm really getting at is...do you need to change something about yourself? YES - be honest and up-front about yourself and dont draw people in and then drop the bombshell.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Broke up yesterday, need opinions
Posted: 3/23/2010 9:06:13 AM
OP

Sorry for the pain you are feeling. Do what is right for you!

You could suggest some space for both of you and some counselling for him to help him move forward. A year could make a huge difference.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 13 (view)
 
little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 7:29:06 AM
Give it time. Go on a few more dates. See how it goes.

...and just to counter-act the luddite opinion - there's nothing wrong with texting, in fact it's better than calling IMHO. You don't have to respond to every text and you can choose when you do respond. So it's way less intrusive than constant phone calls. Let her know what's acceptable to you.

Remember that different people show affection and interest in different ways. We don't all do it the same way and that is such a critical thing to understand. She may be someone who enjoys a lot of "texting" attention and so her natural assumption would be that that works for you too. If you let her know that it doesn't work for you so much it's quite possible that she'll adjust accordingly. Give her that chance.

There's lots of different ways to get in touch these days - whichever you choose, make sure that you do actually communicate

It may also be too early to tell if there's potential for deeper conversations. You say she's not dumb so maybe she's excited and / or nervous. That's why a few more dates would be good and give things a chance to settle down a little bit so you can get to know the real her.

A little time, some patience, understanding, communication.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Broke up yesterday, need opinions
Posted: 3/22/2010 9:42:11 PM
There's many kinds of love. I still love my ex and expect I will until I die. But it's not a romantic relationship type of love, I don't think about her every day, I don't want to rekindle the old relationship and I'm truly very happy for her that she has found a new love with a husband who makes her happy.

You were probably right to break it off. He needs to be in a place where he can put the past behind him and move forward fully open and emotionally available to you. If he isn't there yet, you're tangled in his baggage and will likely be hurt.

I don't agree that it's easier to get over an old relationship by being with someone else. In fact I think thats entirely the wrong thing to do and is not fair to the new partner. He needs to get his head right on his own and then get into a new relationship. You don't use people as band-aids.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 105 (view)
 
Does anyone else have trouble relating to people their own age?
Posted: 3/20/2010 4:47:16 PM
From some of the comments here it appears that some people may think ignoring your age is living in some kind of delusional denial. I guess the ironic thing is that I would say, putting so much emphasis on your age is delusional denial.

Why is age even an "issue" ?

Oh well....as has been said - to each his / her own :-)
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 66 (view)
 
When a woman tells you she loves you does she mean it?
Posted: 3/19/2010 11:19:30 PM
She may mean it....but then it depends what it means ...to her....and to you.

Love is a feeling and that is just a begining......not an end. Some people think love means security, others think it means ownership, others think it means eternal faithfulness and others think it means unconditional giving.

Good luck!
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 99 (view)
 
Does anyone else have trouble relating to people their own age?
Posted: 3/19/2010 9:47:07 PM
To each his own indeed.

I'll take the Now.....it seems to serve me well. I have no prejudice against any age. But I have absolutely no interest in sitting around the fire and re-living the past. I'll have time to do that when I'm dead.

I know where I come from but I'm more interested in where I'm going. On that note - it's generally younger people who have a similar outlook but certainly not exclusively (which is refreshing).

What anyone else wants to do is entirely their concern......best however that they evaluate their own motives rather than judging that of others.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 76 (view)
 
Why risk losing EVERYTHING?
Posted: 3/19/2010 2:02:22 AM
C'mon...you're kidding right??

You really couldn't find a thread somewhere on why men cheat ? Wow - go figure!

But surely you were able to find a thread about how men cheat more than women ??

I bet you didn't really look.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 94 (view)
 
Does anyone else have trouble relating to people their own age?
Posted: 3/19/2010 1:52:26 AM
widowinloveagain wrote:

<div class="quote">Who remembers transistor radios. Someone in their 20s or 30s has had such a different life experience I don't think I could relate. Now if all you seek is sex, more power too you, but I want more than that.

Wow...so if I don't want to live in the past and recall what grade I was in when Kennedy was shot then all I seek is sex? Interesting perspective.....I guess?!

Actually I'm far more interested in living today rather than recalling ancient history and trying to place myself in it. Who cares about Kennedy - he's dead! Relating to someone is about the now not some half remembered distant past. I want more than that...much more.

Your post actually helped me understand why I seek and enjoy the company of a younger crowd. They tend to talk about what we did today and what we'll do tomorrow.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 38 (view)
 
what do women really mean when they say ------------ ?
Posted: 3/19/2010 1:32:16 AM
The title of this thread is dishonest.

This thread isn't about wanting to know what women mean when they say something. Far from it.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 577 (view)
 
Is kissing more or less important to you in a relationship as you get older?
Posted: 3/18/2010 8:13:53 PM
Kissing is freakin' awesome. With the right person I get lost in kissing. Oh wow !!
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 330 (view)
 
What's the upside to being over 50 and single
Posted: 3/18/2010 8:11:03 PM
The #1 upside is being alive. Isn't it great ??
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 287 (view)
 
Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 3/18/2010 8:07:45 PM
Life is good.

Keep it simple. Don't overanalyze, there are no absolute answers - it's all really just magic !!

Be happy single - if you're not, then find out why!

Have faith :-)
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Should I stay friends or Should I just let her go?
Posted: 3/18/2010 7:54:32 PM
OP

1. Don't expect everyone to get what you're about. Some people never will and others just want to push your buttons. They really don't matter because in the end, they just really don't matter. It's about you!

2. Awesome that you want to learn from this....keep doing that!

3. Don't judge yourself. It's futile and painful. You maybe made a mistake but you are human - it's OK (really) !! This is a journey of learning - you now know something that you didn't know before about yourself. It's all good. The greatest lesson you will ever learn is to forgive yourself for not being perfect.

4. Sometimes true love is about letting go. Let her go. Give her space. Give yourself space. Give it time. Don't burn bridges. Don't pursue. Dont imagine possibilities. Just be yourself and live your life. See what happens in due course. Whatever happens - it will be OK. Don't underestimate the value of true friendship if that is what it comes to.

5. You're a seeker! You have the wisdom to learn and change. No small thing at only 23 years old. Some people come into our lives to teach us something about ourselves. Be grateful for that gift and know that you will find love again and be so much the wiser next time...
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Where is the line?
Posted: 3/18/2010 7:32:27 PM
You're chasing something you imagine rather than something that is real.

Read that last line again acouple of times until it sinks in !!

Actions not words = truth. Stop reading and listening to words you want to hear and start observing the actions you seem to ignore.

Cut and run NOW. You know you don't deserve this.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 30 (view)
 
3 weeks no contact, then a text message
Posted: 3/17/2010 8:26:32 PM
The opposite of attraction and love isn't hate and anger, it's disinterest and indifference.

Seems you are still on the hook (big time). The answers to all your "complaints" lay within YOU !! Take control of your life. Stop blaming others for your own emotions. She has as much access to you as you grant her. Right now the door appears to be wide open.

If you don't like something then freakin' change it instead of being a "victim". If it's that bad then change your number and cut her off.........but then maybe you'd miss the attention??
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 80 (view)
 
Does anyone else have trouble relating to people their own age?
Posted: 3/16/2010 7:42:41 PM
How I relate to someone has nothing to do with their age. It has to do with their outlook on life, their awareness of self and others, their priorities, their ability to connect, their desire to share the journey, their willingness to be real.

It really has nothing to do with age. Age is nothing more than a number. I don't give a damn about age. Ageism is the same as sexism and racism. It's an irrelevant circumstantial prejudice.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
 
what do women really mean when they say ------------ ?
Posted: 3/16/2010 7:34:23 AM
Wow - sounds like you want all her attention right away.

Patience is a virtue
Posses it if you can
Seldom found in women
Never in a man.

Give it some time dude and enjoy the journey. The early, go slow and get-to-know-ya-stage is fun !! Take it as it comes.

Come across as needy and impatient and all-about-you and you can bet she'll find something or someone else real fast !
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Is this considered cheating?
Posted: 3/16/2010 7:27:23 AM
Is this considered cheating?? Who cares? It's not about definitions, it's about feelings.

How do YOU feel about what happened? Is it OK with you or not ?? Whatever your answer is act accordingly !! It doesn't matter what people say - what matters is what they do !!

Clearly it bothers you quite a lot. How you feel is how you feel. Maybe the question you should ask yourself is why would you ignore what to you is a big red flag and stifle your feelings to hang onto a "relationship" that is probably gonna hurt you sooner or later. Look for someone who acts with respect, honesty and integrity.....then you have a foundation for investing yourself into the relationship.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Are there some people incapable of falling in love at this age?
Posted: 3/15/2010 8:35:19 PM
Yes - some people are incapable of falling in love ! It's not the suffering...it's what you learn from it....or not!
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 130 (view)
 
Do you respond to people who obviously didn't read your profile?
Posted: 3/15/2010 8:21:55 PM
I didn't read your profile (sorry).....but just reading your first post makes me ask if you are putting too much personal information out there. Be safe !!.......and give people something to make small talk about
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 116 (view)
 
What does Friends First really mean?
Posted: 3/15/2010 8:15:35 PM
Geez friendship seems to be so under-rated. I wonder why? Romance and sex are awesome but only if built on a solid foundation...otherwise it's cheap, shallow and sure to come to a messy end.

If it's gonna go beyond the friend zone it will. If it doesn't there are sure worse things in life than meeting a new friend.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Control freak or Perfect mate? calling all men & women..Help!
Posted: 3/15/2010 8:06:18 PM
Good grief...the games people play.

You delete your account when you are ready to delete your account. After all, you're a grown, self-sufficient adult aren't you ??

Or are you looking for a man that makes you do what he wants and causes you to question your better judgement? If so - seems you have found him and you can go ahead and delete your account
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 18 (view)
 
How many times do you meet someone before you know you fancy them?
Posted: 3/15/2010 1:13:41 PM
Once may be enough, a thousand times still not. Certainty is a futile pursuit.

As with much, there is no rule. Do what you feel is right instead of looking for "rules".
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 17 (view)
 
3 weeks no contact, then a text message
Posted: 3/15/2010 1:08:19 PM
She cares about you even if it's over. Why not accept what you can have instead of being angry over what you can't have.
 _Luv2Ski_
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Do i have any shot at this woman
Posted: 3/15/2010 11:39:46 AM
Here's a simple fact in life. You never get to change how someone feels by "explaining". Feelings are generated by experiences some of which may include words but words mean little unless they are backed up by actions. Actions speak louder than words. Listen, acknowledge, admit your part in what happened, apologise (if appropriate - but dont be a wet dishrag).

She responded to you so that is good but how you handle that open line of communication is key. So far it seems you are focused on how you feel, what you want, explaining yourself, and even being something other than yourself to "sway her attention". It seems to be a lot about you - are you hearing her at all? Your words indicate that your ego is driving the bus.

Oh and while we are at it - Don't put any emphasis on "99% matching" based on an online shallow quiz - get REAL with yourself and her. Frankly I feel like there's something missing in your "story", it just doesn't add up - according to you you are so "right" for each other and have all this chemistry but you can't remember exactly why you lost contact. Huh ?? Only you know if that's the case but at the very least it speaks of indifference to her on your part. Did you have another interest that trumped her at the time? More importantly - does she feel that you did? C'mon be honest - you MUST have - even if it wasn't another woman !!

If you're not being 100% honest a "99% match" is a big fat zero.
 
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