Which Philospher, if any has influenced you the most, why? chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: Which Philospher, if any has influenced you the most, why?

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 121 (view)

Which Philospher, if any has influenced you the most, why? Posted: 11/5/2008 4:36:35 AM
I was bigger on Nietzsche when I was a bit younger. As I've grown older, I've tended away from him. Also used to be a big Machivelli (sp?) fan, but have tended away from him too. Currently, I think Jesus would be my number one pick. And please keep in mind that I'm agnostic. Strip away the religious aspects of his teachings, and you have a GREAT philosophy to live by.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Philosophy Question: Would you rather be famous or rich? Posted: 11/5/2008 4:27:50 AM
Rich and unknown, Please. :)

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 63 (view)

Heart or Head Posted: 11/5/2008 4:04:05 AM
Think with your head, love with your heart and always listen to your instincts. This all seems so simple, but love is blind. Many many times people will ignore certain things about people because they're in love. This isn't all bad, but when the love fades into companionship a lot of the things you were easily ignoring before suddenly become a lot more annoying. For instance the first time you pick up his socks from the bedroom floor and put them in the hamper, you might think its a cute little flaw. After the 1000th time, not so much. What do you honestly think is needed to make better relationships? Honestly, communication and understanding. Relationships are hard work at times. It isn't always smooth sailing. But as long as you're honest, communicate and understand where your partner is coming from, it becomes a lot easier.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 189 (view)

Intellectual Attraction Posted: 11/5/2008 2:38:32 AM
I'll start this off by saying my views don't tend to reflect mens' views in general. If there's no intellectual connection, I'm just not interested.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

Cleaning up previous messes before entering a new relationship... Posted: 11/5/2008 2:32:02 AM
Sacred Journey, its pretty obvious that your mind is made up already. If that works for you, then great. A lot of us are a lot more forgiving one something than you seem to be. Why not let others' choose for themselves what they're looking for in a partner? The sad truth is, we're all human. We all have baggage of some sort. Its the nature of the beast. If you're looking for someone with no baggage, then you're going to find life to be very lonely, I'm afraid.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

What does this mean? Posted: 11/5/2008 2:03:22 AM
Um, ask her? "Hey, we went out for coffee and I had a great time. You seemed kinda bored though. Did I get the wrong impression?" Either she was bored and will hopefully admit to it. Or she was having an off day. Either way, if she has some decency, she ought to you what's going on.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

What is your definition of sex? Posted: 11/5/2008 1:59:51 AM
Mutual. Intentional. Sexual Arousal. This. C'mon how hard is it to define what is and isn't sex?

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

How much is too much Posted: 11/5/2008 1:53:23 AM
As long as its not a two hour call every night, then yeah I'd actually prefer to hear from her often. Even if its just, "Hey, long day I can't talk, but I missed you." I really think that is romantic. On the other hand is it EVERY night? Taking a night off once in a while is good for things. It let's everyone have some "me" time. But instead of asking us, ask him. He'll be able to tell you what he thinks is right for him. I can't guess what he likes. :)

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Interested? Or feeling the pressures of being a virgin? Posted: 11/5/2008 1:43:32 AM
What does this kind of thing mean? Is he interested in something? Or is he just starting to feel the pressure of being a 20 year old virgin? Not sure I can add too much to this but... Why not ask him? Seems to me you're not interested and he's certainly not looking for anything more than sex. But then I'm not him and I couldn't tell you what he was thinking.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 100 (view)

Is the speed of thought finite? Posted: 11/5/2008 1:19:15 AM
Thought occurs, as best we know, through a series of chemical reactions with the brain. As these take TIME to occur, the speed of thought is finite.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 70 (view)

Public Ignorance on Global Warming (and science in general) Posted: 11/5/2008 1:10:40 AM
I don't buy into global warming. The theories behind it have some rather large holes that have yet to be closed. Now, if you wish to call me ignorant of the "facts" so be it. The truth is, I'm not. Global Warming is has gathered the same following that acid rain did in the mid-80s, and the ozone hole did in the late-80s. When is the last time you heard either of these mentioned? Chances are, you haven't heard these mentioned in a very long time even though they were considered to be huge massive problems of their time. Now, has Earth gotten warmer over the past few years? Yes. The data shows that it has. But, the problem is that we're looking at a microscopic section of time in Earth's history. Millions upon millions of years ago, the Earth was much warmer than it is now. This is the time when dinosaurs ruled the Earth long long before humans were around. Surely we can agree that Earth has a much wider range of temperatures than we commonly think it does. Moreover, the theory of global warming has a few things wrong with it. One is that the theory states that carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere have increased dramatically. One would consider this reasonable, as we continue to pump more and more carbon dioxide into the air. However, study after study has shown that the levels of CO2 have not gone up nearly as much as they should have. In fact, it turns out that the oceans are absorbing a very large chunk of this CO2. After Katrina hit, many many people said we should expect larger and more frequent hurricanes to hit the US. And they stated that these would be caused due to global warming. The year after Katrina, we had zero hurricanes hit the US. And in fact the number of hurricanes and tropical storms was down that year, not up as theory states it should be. And finally, the theory behind global warming states that their should be hot spots in the atmosphere caused by CO2. As of yet, we haven't found any hot spots. No one should take science as dogma. We should be skeptical, we should question things. As of yet, while some of the theory works, there are some big holes in it. Perhaps someday they'll come up with a more complete picture of how global warming works. As of right now, the weatherman can barely guess what the weather will be like in 5 days. I'll remain skeptical about global warming until so of this stuff is hashed out.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Wisdom..what indeed is Wisdom? Posted: 11/4/2008 11:07:45 PM
"Wisdom is knowing others, Enlightenment is knowing oneself."

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Should I call him again or wait it out Posted: 11/4/2008 10:49:08 PM
Call him back, ask him out for drinks even if you have to leave it on his voice mail. If he doesn't return your call, he's not interested. Be liberated. :)

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 98 (view)

How can anyone feel comfortable enough to have sex? Posted: 11/4/2008 10:36:56 PM
My question is, how can anyone be comfortable enough to do the , "dirty deed"? I was raised up in a christian household and I firmly believe, although I'm not a christian, that sex is disgusting and repulsive. That is represents some of the worse parts of human nature, and a man that can conquer his sexual desires is wise indeed. You were raised in a repressive household, methinks. What "worst parts" of human nature are we talking about here? If you think its repulsive and disgusting then don't do it!! In the bible in states that if you succumb to lust, you need be married before engaging in carnal acts. BTW Old testament for you Christians out there. It also says to go forth and multiply. Go figure. My question is how anyone can just "do it"? Don't you feel guilty? Ashamed? Embarrassed? Humiliated? How can anyone expose themselves to be defiled by another? Why would I feel any of those things? Humans can think, I'm fine with that. Humans can walk, again I have no issues with that. They can also have sex. Completely 100% natural. And "defiled"? Seriously? Wow. Another question, does refusing to have sex mean an instant relationship killer? Can't people just be friends and be close without sex, or is that something that should inevitably come? Are my views going to doom me to dying alone? Sure, people can be friends without sex. They can even be close without it. But being in a relationship with zero --ZERO-- sex? You're not going to find many people who are up for that.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

I'm the Other Guy Posted: 11/2/2008 10:56:57 PM
Little late now perhaps, but this is one more reason not to jump into bed with someone you just met.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

A question about guys and spending money. Posted: 11/2/2008 9:56:23 PM
I've address this issue with him before in a manner which he didn't like, well to be to the point, I told him he was cheap. That's not addressing the issue, that's just an attack. I don't consider us in a relationship like he does, so I occasionally will date other guys... If the two of you aren't in a relationship, shouldn't you be splitting the bills? I mean, sure I'll but a friend dinner once in a while. He's got my back and buys me one once in awhile, everything works out. Honestly, if women want to be liberated, then they should BE liberated. That means splitting the bill or buying every other dinner. You really can't say you expect all the same rights as men have and THEN think its wrong of men not to pay for dinner, right? In the end, if you want to know, you ought to ask him. Now by asking, I really mean to ask, not call him cheap. Its the best way to get to the bottom of things. Him not going out may be a sign of other things and may have nothing to do with money. And if you didn't know, the number one thing that couples argue about is, you guessed it: Money.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Why is sex on the first date such a big deal? Posted: 11/2/2008 9:31:11 PM
Sex is supposed to be the height of intimacy, isn't it? I couldn't imagine doing it on the first date. You hardly know the person, after all. It certainly isn't for me.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Women who love porn Posted: 11/1/2008 9:45:44 PM
I'd think the same thing if she told me she liked ice cream. Some people like it, others don't. I'm not really sure what the big deal is here to be honest.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 46 (view)

how do i handle? Posted: 11/1/2008 3:11:12 AM
She sounds.... scared out of her mind. Normally, I'd tell you to run for the hills and be happy you found out before you got married, but this might be different. A 3 week engagement isn't a terribly long time. Sounds very romantic and all, but a dose of realism is a good idea. This is why most people set much larger engagement times. When she comes to her senses, the two of you need to have a long positive discussion about all this. Obviously, her handling of the situation leaves something to be desired, but be willing to hear her side of things.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

Is having sex an automatic commitment? Posted: 11/1/2008 2:49:42 AM
I am curious what peoples expectations are, when you have become sexually active with someone you are dating, is it an automatic commitment? Erm, I'm being old fashioned, I know but... Shouldn't there already be a commitment before anything happens? Seems to me an easy way to avoid the question altogether.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 69 (view)

Does anyone make LOVE anymore????? Posted: 11/1/2008 2:45:54 AM
It seems all that Ive been reading and hearing is all about the wham bam thank you ma'ams with no emotions or anything... If you've been looking at the forums here, then one would think that those days are long gone. Truth be told, this forum represents a rather large section of people who, to put delicately, don't seem all that interested in love. Yes, there are plenty of exceptions, but I've found it to be the norm here where I don't think it is outside the forums. One of the issues is that a lot of people equate dating with sex, and therefore a dating site would bring in people looking to date/have sex. And granted, if that's what people want, I'm not going to knock them for it. Those that aren't into that lifestyle tend to steer away from the dating sites, as they see the majority of people aren't looking for what they are looking for. And as I said, there are many many exceptions here. I've just found it to be the norm here where it isn't elsewhere.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 188 (view)

Is it prostitution when... Posted: 11/1/2008 2:32:24 AM
Haven't read the entire thread. pros·ti·tu·tion /ˌprɒstɪˈtuʃən, -ˈtyu-/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[pros-ti-too-shuhn, -tyoo-] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun 1. the act or practice of engaging in sexual intercourse for money. That's from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/prostitution Of course this is the second definition from there: pros·ti·tu·tion (prŏs'tĭ-tōō'shən, -tyōō'-) Pronunciation Key n. 1. The act or practice of engaging in sex acts for hire. Under the first definition, no it was not. Under the second definition it probably was.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 56 (view)

Is partner swapping ok???????? Posted: 11/1/2008 2:17:15 AM
Me and my boyfried swapped partners. He had sex with my best friend and me with her husband. We were all in the same room. And today we are like what did we do???? How wrong is this? Will it ruin our relationship? Why are you asking us, exactly? Either you and he are ok with it (in which case, who cares what we think) or you and/or him aren't ok with it (in which case, you two need to discuss what's going on in your relationship). I'll tell ya this much, that life style is most certainly not for me. If it works for you, then I guess... It works for you. :)

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 77 (view)

Should monogamy be assumed in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship? If so, when? Posted: 11/1/2008 2:07:32 AM
Can monogamy be assumed in a boyfriend/girlfriend relatinship? If so, when? Never assume anything. People need to communicate what they want/believe/think. If one person assumes its only them that the other is seeing, and the other person doesn't think the relationship is quite there yet well, expect trouble. A ten minute conversation to determine where the relationship is can save anyone from assuming anything. Yes, it can be scary. But not having the discussion is far far worse than having it. :)

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 53 (view)

Giving up on men Posted: 11/1/2008 2:02:59 AM
I dated a women who told me she had decided to give up on men after a previous bad relationship, things go well then every once in awhile it is awful, I wondered if she may be pulling back, what does a women mean when she has decided to give up on men I means pretty much the same thing that it means when you've sworn off women. And I'm going to assume at some point or another the thought of doing so has crossed your mind. To break it down: It means that she's fed up with the current state of affairs and assumes all men will do the same thing to her (cheat, lie, steal, break her heart, whatever). Pretty much everyone thinks this at some point or another. The good news is that it passes.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 45 (view)

Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled Posted: 8/3/2008 10:18:58 PM
Wow. I know a few people with Down's Syndrome. They are some of the sweetest most polite people I know. Truth be told, I'd prefer their company to most people. They are honest, well-mannered, and polite. Something we could all use a bit more of in the world. I've no idea when the word "retard" started being used in a negative sense, but if people really got to know someone who was mentally retarded, I think they'd stop using it in such a negative way. Call them "different" or "special" perhaps, but they are people too and are deserving of the same respect as everyone else. As to the OP's question. Ugh, I'm not sure how to phrase this in a way that doesn't make me look like an egotistical jerk. Please bear that in mind as I muddle my way through this. I have a higher than average IQ by what some what call a significant amount. (Speaking frankly, your IQ tells you about how well you take an IQ test. So, this doesn't make me "better" than the next person, merely a bit different.) I can crunch numbers like few people can. On the other hand, my spelling is terrible and I get lost constantly. I have things I'm very good at and things I'm terrible at. Again, this by NO MEANS makes me better than the next person. It merely is what it is. So to all the people who seem to have issues with people being less smart than themselves, I ask why? Yes, any given person is smarter than someone else. Some people are better at certain things than others. That's just the world we live in. I've never understood why that would make someone better or worse than the next person. Maybe its the rose colored glasses. Ah well. Here's the deal though. Most people tend to date other people that are with a certain range of IQ. Generally, plus or minus 15 points or so. I've found that I tend to date intelligent women (some vastly more so than myself). So, if the developmental disorder affects his IQ to a degree where its significantly less (or even more) than your own, the stats say it may not work out so well. If it doesn't, then I'm going to guess that it causes some abnormal behavior? If you can live with such behavior (and it isn't harmful), then what would you care what our opinion was? :) Personally, I have a hard time thinking of thins like Dyslexia as any type of real issue. Tourette's? Depending on the severity of it, I might consider not persuing the person. (And for those that don't know, Tourette's tends to be the non-verbal varity about 90% of the time. Usually its just tics/twiches.) Something along the lines of OCD, I would find unbearable. I prefer a bit of chaos, and someone with OCD wouldn't like dating me at all. I guess in the end, if there's an attraction and you don't mind whatever the disability is, then go for it.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 46 (view)

Do women want you to look at them in public? Posted: 8/3/2008 9:06:19 PM
I refuse to believe that men do not know the difference between respectful admiration and leering like they're going to take you into an alley by force. Well, I suspect most of us do. The question is if certain women do or not. If someone is wearing revealing clothing, I'll notice. I'm just going to notice. Its genetic, its a reflex, and as much as I'd like not to notice, I still do. MOST women seem fine with it. However, its the 10% that wear skimpy clothing that give me the "Don't look at me" look if they catch me looking (looking, looking looking -- Not drooling, leering or otherwise being rude). I swear, I will never understand those women. Obviously they want to be noticed. I notice and I get glared at. I'm sorry, wear more clothing if you have an issue with men noticing you. And that's my rant for this evening. :)

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 75 (view)

Does the numbers of people you slept with really matter? Posted: 8/3/2008 2:31:00 AM
I take part of what I said back. Assuming she was in a good relationship with whomever she slept with then, the number wouldn't matter. However, that DOES put an upper limit on it. I'm not sure I would click with anyone who just "has sex for the sake of having sex". I suspect we'd be coming from very different moral sets. I'd hate to think I was just a good time.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 160 (view)

Married Women Looking For Sex Posted: 8/3/2008 2:26:14 AM
Well, marriage is a contract and if they're looking for sex, they ought to get a divorce first. Men too for that matter.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

Let's talk about sex-shall we? Posted: 8/3/2008 2:06:51 AM
My question is why do some people get really riled up if the topic of sex comes up in a conversation when many of us openly dicuss the topic on the sex and sexuality boards or in many of the dating forums. Is the upset because one party or the other didn't first say 'Hi-my name is.." or because they started off the dialogue with ' Hey-what is your favorite sexual position?'. Erm... If someone starts a conversation that way with me, I'm not likely to respond. In fact, if they say "Hey-what is your favorite sexual position?" Within the first few days (at least), I'm not going to be very comfortable with that. I certainly won't answer. I don't have issues discussing sex generally. That's all biology, chemistry, and some physics. I do take issue with people wanting to know what things I like or don't like. That's my private life they're delving into. Something they don't have rights to. Again, generally discussion is fine. Personal experiences? Those are private. Now, here on the boards people ask questions. I can simply choose not to answer and often do just that. I'm not sure anyone ought to be upset over the boards as you can simply choose not to answer and no one will ever know. I had to step back and think about this myself, because there have been a few times I did get irked that a man would email me or message me and the first thing that they said was 'so, do you give bj's?'-but since I do post on the forums and I'm pretty open about my view on sex did I really have due cause to be pissed off? Does it make a difference how the subject of sex is brought up when speaking to another person-even if they aren't necessarily a person you'd be interested in pursuing. Again, this would be going over the line for me. Generally discussion, sure. Personal things, not so good. I'd be irked, and probably email them back saying that that wasn't appropriate and leave it at that. I know, for me at least, just because I do enjoy sex and have no issues about discussing it doesn't necessarily mean I'm interested in having sex or talking about it with just any man or woman who engages in a conversation with me. Is diplomacy the answer when bringing up SEX with anyone you do not know? I'd be curious to see what other's think on the matter. Let's face it-sex is important to most folks, but it's also a subject that can create a lot of emotions from the very postive to the very negative. If someone goes to far, then you ought to let them know that it was inappropriate. For me sex is intimate and therefore very very private. I don't even discuss it with close friends (as far as my personal likes etc). General discussion is fine, but not personal experiences. Many people freely talk about things they've done or would like to do. I suppose they think that everyone else does as well. I rather doubt that they mean any harm, but its still best to say what your boundries are.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 45 (view)

The Mother Hen and Large Groups Posted: 8/3/2008 1:28:29 AM
If you must... Walk up introduce yourself and when the mother hen starts answering questions you're trying to ask the lady ask the mother hen this, "Do you always answer all of your friend's questions?" Smile while you say it and don't say it in a confrontational tone. If done correctly, it'll let her know that she's being very rude and you're not. When you make them feel like this, they sometimes back off. If it doesn't they'll continue pestering you at which point you ask, "I'm sorry have I done something to offend you?" Make sure your tone is neutral. The truth is, you haven't done anything to offend anyone. If she still continues say, "Excuse me, but you're being incredibly rude. I'm trying to have a conversation with your friend. Do you mind, please?" If she still keeps going there's not much you can do. Please note that if you do get the girl's phone number, the mother hen will pretty much despise you until hell freezes over. Ideally the girl will realize he friend is going WAY over the line and that if she doesn't want to talk with you, she can let you know. As long as you're the polite one, you're in the clear. And, sometimes it just doesn't work no matter what you say.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Do men like to be match makers? Posted: 8/3/2008 1:15:59 AM
Generally, no. If things go badly, the blame falls squarely on me. And honestly, how many relationships work out in the end? I don't need that kind of blame.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

True Intentions... Posted: 8/3/2008 1:13:47 AM
Same thing I'm looking for anywhere else: A solid, honest, loving relationship.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 51 (view)

Is being ignored the same as being told no? Posted: 8/3/2008 1:07:05 AM
Basically this is the rule: If she doesn't say "yes" she means "no". "Want to go out sometime?" "Ummm, I don't know...." <---- No "Want to have drinks sometimes?" "Well, I would but..." <---- No "Want to see a movie sometime?" "Sure! Except my schedule is booked..." <---- No "Hi, care to trade emails sometime" silence <---- No Makes life soooo much easier knowing this. :)

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

How do you get past her past? Posted: 8/3/2008 1:00:31 AM
There's an old say: "You may be done with your past, but it ain't done with you." Truth be told our past influences everything we do, everyday. (Wow, last time I touched the stove, I got burned. I had better not touch the stove again.) This is called learning. Unfortunetly, some of what we learn is wrong. IE My ex treated me badly, therefore every man will treat me badly. While its good to be aware of what you consider mistreatment, it doesn't mean everyone is going to do that to you. Her past shouldn't be affecting her THIS much. The fact that it is says she needs to work it out. Therapists do just that and I'd highly recommend her to see one. The bottom line for you is this: Is this something you can deal with? Is it something you'd be willing to deal with. Its unlikely she'll radically change her outlook on life. Even with therapy it could take months or years. Its one of those things where you're going to either have to accept that this is how she is or move on.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 74 (view)

Is there ever a reason not to pursue a girl? Posted: 8/3/2008 12:43:57 AM
I saw a preview for a new movie coming out in the fall based on a book "He's just not that into you" which basically says if a guy doesn't put the effort, he's not interested. Was there ever a time when you didn't ask a girl out because of fear of losing a friendship, fear of rejection, or just too shy? Just wondering if the theory is true that there is nothing that will come in the way of a guy going after the girl he likes. Hundreds of reasons not to ask someone out. In fact, I've stopped altogether. I figure if they like me, they can ask me out.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 81 (view)

Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up? Posted: 8/3/2008 12:42:23 AM
Anyway my question for you guys is what is up with guys dating two or three weeks after a break up? And is it ever just for rebound? Are they seeking to fill some void from the long term relationship? The exact same reasons some women tend to do it. As for why, I have no idea. But both sexes do it.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 344 (view)

why dont men date pregnant women? Posted: 8/3/2008 12:37:53 AM
Super easy. I'd always assumed that a pregnant women was off the market. Now that I think about it, I suppose they could be looking to date. I suspect a lot of men assume that a pregnant woman is already attached.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 610 (view)

How would you feel about a WOMAN with a GUN? Posted: 8/3/2008 12:32:53 AM
I own zero guns. And likely will never own a gun. I don't want to be around guns. Would I date someone who owned one? Sure. We'd have to come to some understanding that I didn't want to be around if it was around, but owning a gun wouldn't bother me any. She can go out to target practice, I just won't be around.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Guys help me out here! Posted: 8/3/2008 12:29:32 AM
When I was younger I felt the same way. Trouble is, sex is a big part of a relationship. If you're not compatible sexually, then the marriage will tend to end pretty quick. Or worse, go on for years in a sexless void. Now, if that's your choice and you want to keep living that way, go ahead. I wish it were that easy, honestly. Marriage is a big deal. I'm not sure I could marry someone without knowing we're sexually compatible. In fact, I know I couldn't. I suspect that a lot of guys, if they're honest, feel the same way. Yes, there are exceptions, but it certainly isn't the rule. Again, I'm not saying you've made a bad choice here. Just stating that most men won't be into it. If you're lucky, you'll find someone who doesn't mind. And I hope you do. The reality is that he'll be tough to find, I'm afraid.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

Virgin.... would you want to know? Posted: 8/3/2008 12:18:39 AM
If he's as nice as he seems, then tell him. Expect him to freak out a bit, not because it's a black mark on your record as you seem to think (and it isn't!), but simply because he probably assumes you have. Everyone, everyday makes assumptions of some kind. Most of these are harmless and actually needed to get through the day. (Hmmm, this guy veering right doesn't have his turn signal on, but it looks likes he going to turn -- Drive accordingly.) Now, you assume he has ten toes, right? What if he were to tell you he lost his pinky toe in a car accident when he was four? You'd be a bit shocked to learn that your assumption was wrong, right? But, b the same token, your shock would subside pretty quick. He'll be in a similar situation. It really shouldn't matter -- In fact, he ought to be honored you chose him. IF it does matter, wait for someone who's better for you. Oh, and as for the "being bad in bed" part. I wouldn't worry to much about any of that. Sex is amazingly natural. Though, you have access to the internet and there are plenty of sites that give tips. Knowledge is power, so you may want to read up if you haven't already. It can't hurt after all.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 184 (view)

Is it ok for your GF to hang out with Ex boyfriends? Posted: 8/2/2008 11:43:59 PM
Just what the title says. My girlfriends thinks that its ok to want to hang out with ex boyfriends and thinks that I'm wrong for asking her not to do it. She thinks that i " cant trust her" to do anything when i asked her not to. I honestly think that its just the wrong thing to do to hang out with an ex while you are dating someone. I mean come on, do you really love that person you are with if you want to hang out with an ex so badly? I mean they are an ex for a reason.... General rule is this: Let he hang out with who she wants, but be state up front what your expectations are. If she cheats, then she was going to cheat at some point anyway. Better to know two weeks in than two years in. I have a healthy jealous streak. Frankly, I'd prefer if whomever I'm dating didn't hang out with their exes. Why? Because I have a healthy jealous streak! Do I let them? Yup. I'm not going to forbid someone from doing something that they enjoy simply because I'm slightly uncomfortable. If I'm dating someone, it means I trust them. The jealousy thing is irrational, and I know it. I can't help that its there, but I do understand its irrational. People should be allowed to do as they will - within certain limits. And those limits should be discussed ahead of time. (In this case, the limit is "no cheating".)

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 72 (view)

no sex..how long? Posted: 8/2/2008 11:37:26 PM
Since none of us will be able to tell you why she's acting this way, perhaps you should go to the source and ask? Communication does wonders, I promise. Make sure you're both relaxed, and say you want to discuss something. Stay as neutral as you can. Try to avoid using words like "you" or "your" because people tend to see this as an attack on them. Remind her that you love her and you'd like to work this out. And expect fireworks. :) Anyone confronted with this, no matter how tactfully you do it, is probably going to get defensive or angry. That's ok, it'll pass. Just make sure you stay calm and avoid personal attacks. If all else fails see a couple's therapist. Preferably with your wife, but you can go alone if she won't go. They'll have a LOT more information than anything you'll find here.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 175 (view)

Falling in love.... online????? Posted: 8/2/2008 11:28:02 PM
I've read several threads/posts that seem to assume that people can "fall in love" while only having met online. Personally, I don't believe this is possible. I believe that you can have a very strong attraction... an infatuation... but I believe that real love can only grow once you've met and spent time with a person in real life. But then again, I don't believe in "love" at first sight (love and lust should never be confused) either, and I don't think that love is something you "fall" into.... like an uncovered well you just happened to not see. I'm interested to know what others think. Can people really love - I'm talking romantic love here, not friendship love - someone they've only met online? Absolutely. Without going into too much detail, it can certainly happen. In fact, it happens all the time. Now perhaps it isn't for you, and that's fine. Love is about intimacy. Knowing someone. Knowing who they are, where they've been, where they'd like to go. Sharing dreams, aspirations, silly stories. Its knowing someone better than they know their self. Why would you not be able to do that online? What prevents this?

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 101 (view)

How to convince a mature woman Posted: 8/2/2008 11:06:49 PM
As someone who always dates older women, the best thing you can do is treat her like you would any other woman. Assuming you tend to treat women well, of course. ;) You're probably going to hear, "You're way too young," pretty often. The best answer to this is to ask, "Really? Why do think that?" Some women will be able to give you an answer. Some won't. If they can't, they're generally just saying "You're too young," because they feel the have to. Its very easy to dismiss someone on age. But, once they start thinking about it, they may realize that age isn't as important as everyone makes it out to be. Its almost always an uphill battle. That's just the way our social structure works. Men are allowed to date younger women, but the reverse isn't true. Now for those that ask why: Personally, I do it because someone 10-15 years older is usually more on my level than someone my own age. We get along better, listen to the same music, and just THINK more alike. I have nothing against women m own age (or younger for that matter), and if we were on the same level, I'd date them too. But they are fairly rare.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 118 (view)

Do you see divorced people as damaged goods? Posted: 8/2/2008 10:58:03 PM
Whenever I see "divorced" I think to myself "damaged goods" and have no interest in anything longterm with the person. If the individual has kids, that's a 100% no-no and turn-off. You're kidding. Someone who's been divorced has an idea of what to expect in a relationship. They tend not to have idealistic expectations about things and are more down to earth. Now this isn't always true, of course. However, I've found it to be true much more often than not. I'd MUCH rather be with someone who is realistic about relationships than not.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 63 (view)

Does the numbers of people you slept with really matter? Posted: 8/2/2008 10:35:28 PM
If anyone ever has seen Chris Rock live, he did a bit about this very thing. The short (and sanitized version) is this: Why do men ask women how many men they've been with? WHATEVER the number is, you're going to find something wrong with it? THAT many? Hmmm, that can't be good. THAT few? Hmmm, wonder why that is? In the grand scheme of things, I personally don't care. Though to be honest, the above paragraph goes through my mind if I ever find out. I think its genetically ingrained or something. Does it REALLY matter? No. Seeing as it doesn't matter, I'd really just rather not know exact details. Ignorance is bliss, and for me, its better to be ignorant on this.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 110 (view)

a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do? Posted: 2/28/2008 5:31:16 AM
Personally, I could never date a racist. Or a sexist for that matter. <div class="quote">So how could he use language like that and not have a problem with blacks? This may seem odd to you (and it does to me as well) but he may not simply understand the power of certain words. Or he may choose words which seem racist but aren't. You know when Michael Richards went off on those black guys at the club? (If not google it, but it IS graphic -- fair warning.) I honestly believe he wasn't doing it in a racist manner. He wanted to offend them, and the easiest way to do that? N word. He wasn't saying to be racist, he was saying it because that was the quickest and easiest way to be offensive. And by the way, I don't support his choice of words at all. They were vile, and shouldn't have been used racist or not. <div class="quote">He seems mad at me for calling him on it....hunh? Depends how you called him on it. 1.) Hey, hon, can I talk to you for a minute about some of the language you've been using? I find some of it offensive, and I'd really like it to stop. Shouldn't be offended and ideally you open up some communication on it. 2.) WTF?! I can't beleive you used that word!!! DROP DEAD!1!1!! Well, I'd be a bit offended too. <div class="quote">Does anyone really believe someone could talk like that and not be a racist ass? Yes, though it is fairly rare. <div class="quote">How does he justify being with me? Um, ask him? I can't read his mind. I bet you can't either. And if you can, please teach me how! <div class="quote">Can we even be friends? Up to you. I have no friends who are racists. I DO have some friends who occasionally make off color remarks about race, sex, religion etc. The difference is when they do that, I know there is no bad intent behind it. I'd prefer they didn't mind you, but I'd hardly consider someone sexist when they say, "Men are pigs." Now if they said it all the time and meant it, I wouldn't want to be around them. I hope I'm making the difference clear. :) Exactly what we discussed in the classes I took....Minorities dont have the significant power nessesary to be racist. BS. I was told I was a racist because I wouldn't wait on a black woman once. Was that the case? NO. I wouldn't wait on her because we had been closed for half an hour and was already on overtime (boss hates that). She marched up to management and told them I was a racist. If I was black, you think she'd have had the same reaction? I'll never know for certain, but I highly doubt it. That's racism. And if I ever get the chance, I'm slapping a slander suit against her.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 794 (view)

Tatoos on a women turn on or turn off Posted: 2/28/2008 5:16:27 AM
Normally, I've found that one or two small tattoos are kinda cool. However, I met a woman with her both of her entire arms done, and it looks magnificent on her. Great art work, and she wears it well. I assume she has more tattoos, but haven't bothered to ask.

Perplexed2

Joined: 6/1/2006

Msg: 47 (view)

How does the girl approach the guy (or does she?!) Posted: 2/28/2008 5:08:07 AM
So if you say: Yes! You should approach him, do you have a creative idea on how? Not creative but it works: "Hi my name is [fill in the blank]. Want to go out for coffee sometime?" You womenfolk are almost as bas as us menfolk when it comes to asking people out. Definitely dont ask him..... if its true if steroids shrink a males apendage...lol Actually, they do shrink the testicles with long term use. However, they do not affect the length or width of the penis. Still shouldn't use them unless directed by your doctor, of course. But its a pretty common misperception.

Show ALL Forums