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gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

Why did I do this? Posted: 9/21/2009 6:31:17 AM
Perhaps your neighbour wasn't feeding you BS. Perhaps he meant what he said at the time, but after spending two days with you, he changed his mind. It happens. Why is sharing sexual pleasure with someone "giving in"? Why do you perceive it as something negative, or something lost? You had a pleasurable two days with a neighbour. Nothing came of it. Store away the positive aspects of your time with him, and draw them out when you're a little old lady rocking on your porch. Your neighbour is likely avoiding you because he's afraid you want more from him that he's willing to give. Next time you see him, remind yourself that you are an alluring woman with the power to draw a man's interest, and give him a smile that reminds him of that fact. Then walk away with confidence.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

A christmas thought.... Posted: 12/22/2008 6:44:47 PM
Thank you for sharing this powerful life lesson, OP. I will relate what a close friend taught me. My friend had cancer several years ago, and in facing the prospect of death, he realized that he had to make amends with people in his life. He reached out to mend relationships with family members who had hurt him in the past. My friend shared this with me: "Don't ever wait till tomorrow to tell someone you love them. Tell them today, because there may not be a tomorrow." Every visit or phone conversation we had ended with: "Gardennut, I love ya." Cancer reappeared in his brain and he died 3 years ago. He left me with a great gift: I strive never to lose an opportunity to express my love to those I care about.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 94 (view)

Why do women have sex and then complain about it? Posted: 12/22/2008 8:16:25 AM
And what would be so wrong about waiting until you have a ring on your finger before letting him have all 'the goods'? Fascinating, Sefra, that you view the mutual act of lovemaking as "letting (the man) have all the goods". In your experience, is sex an experience where only the man derives pleasure, and you derive none? If so, that is very sad. I did not wait for my partner to slip a ring on my finger before becoming sexually involved with him. I received "the goods" as much as he did..........and it's been good ever since.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Am i selfish? Posted: 12/21/2008 2:04:36 PM
Sweetie, I don't know how old you are, or if you have ever given birth. But trust me, being present at a birth isn't exactly a romantic or erotic experience. I wouldn't be too worried about this woman stealing your boyfriend away during the birth process. She won't be looking her best. If there's a chance this child is your boyfriend's, I can't blame him a bit for wanting to be present at the birth. In fact, I admire him for it. If you are considering a LTR with this fellow, don't you think it augers well that he is responsible regarding paternity? Wouldn't you want the same treatment from a man if you were in that situation?

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

Divorced men and new relationships Posted: 12/21/2008 2:33:46 AM
Generally speaking, being on one's own for 2 years after a divorce gives sufficient time to develop a new relationship. Chances are, sweetie, that your partner has come to realize that he does not want to spend his life with you. Saying that he is not ready for a "relationship" is his way of softening the blow, rather than personalizing it. No doubt it is difficult for you both to pull away from each other. However, the longer you continue to see him, the longer you will prolong the agony for yourself (been there done it). This is a terrible time of year to be dealing with a break-up. My heart goes out to you. But sweetie......please don't post for a long-term relationship until you have cut ties with this man and given yourself time to heal. It is completely unfair to anyone considering a relationship with you.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

my beautiful boy..... Posted: 12/21/2008 2:23:30 AM
My nephew is autistic (Aspergers) and I know two other families with autistic sons. It can be very challenging to parent an autistic child. I hope there are community resources available for you, particularly a support group for parents of autistic children. Try to connect with other parents in your situation. No-one can help you more than those who live what you live.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

Does the sexual double standard keep women from having casual sex? Posted: 12/21/2008 1:40:31 AM
I believe that an astute woman is able to recognize that most men seeking serious relationships, particularly marriage, tend to avoid women with a colourful sexual history......even if his own colours run to neon. From what I understand, most men are concerned that if a woman has enjoyed casual sex in the past, she is more likely to be unfaithful. For some reason these same men do not apply that logic to themselves. When I was unattached, I sometimes went to a local nightclub with friends. I would hear the disparaging comments made about women who were known to engage in casual sex. I did not hear the same comments made of similar men (unless I was talking to myself). It is a curse to be a single woman with a high libido in our culture. Is this changing for younger women? From what I hear from my young adult sons, I would say no.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 3064 (view)

GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage? Posted: 12/7/2008 9:39:54 AM
I tend to feel the personality of a person is external to their enjoyment of sex, and while there are innumerable women I could easily enjoy being around for a lifetime, I'd have to say that sex is a vital part of the equation and I, therefore, would not consumate the marital vows before having sex with the person in question. Manerider, Hi Sweetie! I agree with everything you say. No, I would certainly not wait until marriage to make love with a man. I believe that something as vitally important to marriage as sexual compatability should not be left to chance. There is no way of determining sexual compatability other than through sexual involvement. My point is that it is best for two people to get to know each other, with a clear head (thereby forfeiting usage of little heads) to determine if a long-lasting relationship is feasible. Sexual euphoria clouds one's judgment. I have a friend who was very hot for a man, but held back on sexual involvement until she got to know him better. Once she got to know him better, she realized how wise it was that she had waited. She never did have sex with him; she had the good sense to walk away. If she had become sexually involved with him, it would have been far messier for her to extricate herself from a disastrous union. How long should a couple wait? The answer to that is as varied as human beings themselves.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 3059 (view)

GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage? Posted: 12/7/2008 8:32:37 AM
Sex is the best way to actually find out about all those wonderful things in your partner you gush about: compassion, openness, gentleness, honesty, generosity. Sex, like no other human activity, has the potential to strip away all the hypocritical humbug, and reveal each of us in our actual glory: the real us, in other words. It's the best way I know of to actually find out what makes my partner tick, and on many levels. Rory, I agree with most of what you say in your post, except this. In my view, the early introduction of sex into a relationship clouds one's perspective. It's difficult to view someone objectively when sexually involved. I have watched close friends become quickly involved with partners, and then watched their brain cells splatter on the wall. Close friends have watched me do the same thing. Perhaps there are those who can maintain an objective perspective whilst sexually involved with someone, but I am not amongst them. It is the foundation of friendship that carries a long-term relationship, and it is best to determine if that foundation is there before becoming sexual. This is difficult when a relationship is forming between two hot-blooded individuals. But this is the advice I would give anyone I cared about.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 80 (view)

Is my gut right but I am to stupid to see it Posted: 12/7/2008 8:06:38 AM
The fact that you're still on here yourself makes me question the real deal between you both..... I'm giggling over here. This thread was posted in 2006. The poster's profile is long gone.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 46 (view)

Single and Loving It Posted: 9/15/2008 4:08:01 PM
Now that I am single, I love the fact that I don't have to rush home from a long days work and cook for someone, or put up with their moods. I enjoy being the queen of my castle where I make my own rules. I believe I have found the best of both worlds. I've been in a relationship for two years with someone I met through this site. We live separately and have no plans to change that. In this way, I'm queen of my own castle weekdays, and my beloved and I share each other's castles on weekends. I absolutely agree that "we are not second-class citizens until we meet the One". There are definite benefits to being unattached..........just as there are definite benefits to being in a relationship.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

~TGIF!! HALLOWEEN Monster Bash~Eton House TORONTO~ Oct/31/08~7:30p~ Posted: 9/10/2008 1:52:52 PM
Royal Lady, I can't message you privately. Please remove me from your mailing list, as I don't live in Toronto and could never attend events there. Thanks! Gardennut

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

shortest relationship on record Posted: 7/30/2008 6:37:49 AM
You said he was religious. As long as you're considered wife material, you must be chaste when chased. As soon as you said you were fine w/ casual sex, you were put in the category of those "other" girls.Use em & lose em. This is what hit me as well. If you wish to be taken seriously by a man, it is not wise to give the impression you engage in casual sex. The double standard is alive and well, and in seeking a wife, most men don't like to think too many men have visited where they wish to park the car.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 1182 (view)

One more day to go! Posted: 7/25/2008 7:54:11 AM
Queen Squirrel, please do a favour for me........ Would you play the role of Gardennut-by-proxy? For as I cannot in person at the wedding be, Perhaps you could stand in for me. When you smile, smile extra-bright.......... Drop two tears instead of one when Wabbit comes into sight......... Laugh extra-loud and dance extra-long, Take extra pictures during the wedding song. Give Wabbit an extra-big hug in the reception line, Eat twice as much and drink twice as much wine. And when you stumble off to your bedroom, Don't curse me for the next morning's gloom.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 1176 (view)

3 days to go...WEDDING DAY! Posted: 7/25/2008 6:14:26 AM
'Tis the day before the wedding, just one more night to go, for up the "aisle" is Wabbit heading..... it's happening TOMORROW! I wish for you a clear sky and sunshine all day through, as with a tear and happy sigh you both declare "I do". I wish so much I could be there to witness your vows and kiss. How I wish I was now Bama bound to share your wedding bliss. But from here I send my wishes, from London Ontario. From this pond leap two fishes, where so many hope to go.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 1160 (view)

4 days to go...WEDDING DAY! Posted: 7/24/2008 4:52:00 AM
Yea, I kinda rambled, sue me, I'm in love. Awwww, Hunter, that's so SWEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In just two days these lovebirds will join as husband and wife. My dearest wish is that this bond with last their live-long life. Never forget these feelings, these inimitable "in love" feelings, and draw from them when trouble finds you.... for in life, it always will, and it is then that pride and ego must be set aside for the sake of "us".

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 1136 (view)

5 days to go...WEDDING DAY! Posted: 7/22/2008 12:22:09 PM
Ah my dear Wabbit, how much I wish I could hop into my car to attend your river wedding.... But as you know, my life has brought a sad twist and Bama bound I cannot be heading. So wedding guests, please laugh extra-loud so that it floats down on a Bama breeze and rides a white puffy cloud to land on Gardennut's knees.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 1133 (view)

5 days to go...WEDDING DAY! Posted: 7/22/2008 11:46:42 AM
The days, they are ticking along to Wabbit and Hunter's wedding song. Wabbit has gone for her bridal nails (that one has broken won't cause her to bail!) For what is a broken nail when it comes to true love? Surely God won't notice from heaven above. Wabbit and Hunter, it's finally coming, and all the way to Canada, can be heard your sweet humming.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 568 (view)

8 days to go - Are you here yet? Posted: 6/9/2008 10:37:39 AM
Gardennut hasn't been online for the past few days, but please join me now to express in loving ways: Congratulations to my sweetie, who over the weekend turned 50! Yet he remains as handsome and sexy as ever, which I think is rather nifty. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my darling man! I wish you every happiness, in every way I can. I look ahead to the many birthdays we will share... Through all the years, my sweetheart, I will show how much I care. Perhaps the squirrels attending the Wabbit/Hunter wedding can share a Big 50 birthday toast with us, as I just turned 50 in April!

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 466 (view)

8 days to go - Are you here yet? Posted: 6/5/2008 12:22:18 PM
Regardless of the nicknames, of one thing there are no buts: All the squirrels in this park are completely nuts.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 447 (view)

8 days to go - Are you here yet? Posted: 6/5/2008 6:27:26 AM
There were so many reasons why my sweetie and I could not come to the Wabbit/Hunter wedding (heavy sigh....) My old decrepit van would surely not make the trip, and there were no savings for airfare into which we could dip. There was no-one with whom I could leave my youngest son, as my older sons work weekends, and other options were none. It was unlikely that my sweetie could get the time off work, as the most junior manager he was, and his duties he could not shirk. So, with a great heavy heart, I informed my dear Wabbit friend, that we would not be with her down the wedding aisle to send. BUT................................................................................................. The transmission on my old van did decide to blow, and now I have a NEW van which does purr and it does glow. My oldest son's shift just changed, no weekends does he work, and he has agreed to watch my youngest (now isn't that a perk?) My sweetie no longer has his job, he is free every day, and he said to me: "Let's drive down to Alabama to play!" "We could drive down for the wedding of Wabbit and Hunter, to witness them say the sacred words: 'Let no man put asunder.'" "As for finances, my darling, I'm sure we'll find a way, for what is money when it comes to a wedding day?" And so, my squirrel friends, I shout out the wonderful news: WE'LL BE AT THE WABBIT/HUNTER WEDDING WITH OUR DANCING SHOES!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (can you tell we're happy about it?)

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 51 (view)

A Wabbit-Hunter Love Story - Our New Beginning Posted: 5/15/2008 3:52:39 PM
Yay, a new thread for a new beginning! We can follow the love story of Hunter and Wabbit, whose hearts they have with each other been winning. As they shall soon join as husband and wife, there shall be between them no sinning. Hunter and Wabbit, I give my love and support, as you join together in your life journey. In this thread you can to us all report all that through this endeavour you're learning. My sweetie and I send our love and best wishes in this new thread!

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 6469 (view)

When the words just come........ Posted: 4/22/2008 9:56:53 AM
Wishing you a very happy birthday, Best Kept Secret!!!!!!!!!! Gardennut

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 6371 (view)

When the words just come........ Posted: 4/16/2008 5:02:02 PM
FLOODGATES the floodgates of my heart open, bursting the dam of my reserve hold open your arms to gather the outpouring of my love part your lips to taste the sweetness, I will quench your thirst with it let it course through your body, for when it seeps through your pores I will press the tip of my tongue to your skin open the floodgates of your heart and I will part my lips to taste your sweetness

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 6366 (view)

When the words just come........ Posted: 4/16/2008 11:08:41 AM
Mmmmmmy................giggle.................I wrote "Bird of the Wild". The poem was inspired by conversations I've had with my boyfriend about connection versus possession. He has said that he knows he can't cage a wild bird. Gardennut

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 6357 (view)

when the words just come Posted: 4/15/2008 11:26:48 AM
BIRD OF THE WILD A wild bird came to sing by the man’s open window, trilling her melodious song. He was mesmerized by the clear, sweet notes, and he came to sit by the window, transported into a world of joy and beauty and transcendence. The next time the bird came to sing, the man removed the screen from his window and held out his open palm with his offering of bird seed. At first the bird merely regarded him, head tilted to one side. Each time she came to sing, the open palm proffered bird seed, and one day she came to perch on his finger, and fed. She came every day, and when the man brought her through the open window into his home, she did not resist. She sat on his shoulder and sang happily into his ear. He closed his eyes, and felt a radiant peace such as he had never imagined. But when she flew away, through the open window, he felt a raw grief. What if she did not return? How would he survive living without her song of life to sustain him? What if she flew to another window, to offer her song? What if she were lured inside, and he would lose her forever? The man set up a lovely golden cage, filled with the highest quality bird seed. The next time she came to visit, he placed her in the cage, and she fed happily. She perched on the bird swing to sing of her happiness, and there she fell asleep. When she woke, the door of the cage was firmly closed. She flapped her wings, and called out to the man, but he simply cooed at her and coaxed her to eat. She waited patiently for him to open the door, but the night came and the morning and another night. The man waited for her song to fill him with its life force. But the bird of the wild did not sing. She slept much of the time, sitting still on the bird swing. He tapped on the cage, and whispered tender and loving words. She regarded him with dull eyes. The man observed this silent bird in his cage. It seemed to him that her feathers did not shine as brightly, and they began to drop to the floor of the cage beneath her. With a heavy heart, the man opened the door of the cage. He removed the window screen, and stood aside. The bird opened her eyes, hopped to the cage opening, and with one swoop, she was gone. He waited by his open window for the rest of the day, and the next. He closed his eyes and conjured memories of the glory of song she had trilled into his heart. There was a darkness to his days which could not be lightened. For the man had come to realize what it was he had lost in closing the door to the cage. Then, one day, she appeared on the tree branch outside his window. She opened her beak and there came a burst of fierce joy and passion. He rushed to the window, and clapped his hands with glee. Never again did she come to perch on his finger, nor did she come through the open window. But he was content that she came to share her song when she chose to share it. He left bird seed in a feeder outside the window, and he sat rapt to drink in the song of this glorious bird of the wild who had once fed from his open palm and sung into his ear.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 6325 (view)

Good Day!!!!!!!!!.... Posted: 4/11/2008 7:06:47 PM
Thank you for your birthday wishes, Mmmmmy and Best Kept! It was indeed a wonderful birthday. Tomorrow is my big birthday bash. I can't wait!!! My sweetie gave me a beautiful gold necklace and matching bracelet. They haven't left my body since he placed them on me on Wednesday. I shall treasure them for always. So, play on, Nutbreds!

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 6316 (view)

Happy Birthday Garden Squirrel!! Posted: 4/9/2008 2:17:10 PM
Why THANK YOU, Wabbit, for your Happy Birthday! I am touched with the kind words you say. I fully intend to enjoy 50 all the way! This is my week to relax and to play. My sweetie took me out for a wonderful lunch, and for that I love him a bunch. Now my three boys will take me to dinner, and for that gesture I say they are winners. I shall eat, drink and be merry all the day through, and bask in the love of those who are true blue. That includes my sweetie, my children, my parents, and friends, and of course you, my dear Wabbit, a friend to the end! Now, off to dinner.................

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

Why do women get cold feet? Posted: 4/4/2008 3:00:28 PM
I agree with other posters to keep the first meeting quick and simple, like a coffee or drink. It's not a "date", it's a "meeting" to determine whether or not there is any chemistry. When I was doing the first meeting thing, I'd know within 5 minutes if there was any potential. OP, how well are you screening women before you set up a first meeting? Early on in online dating, I would agree to meet too quickly, which led to a string of interminable coffee dates. With time, I learned to spend more time asking pertinent questions via email, and then having at least one telephone conversation. In this way, I had better success with first meetings. There are many decent people on POF, and I hope you connect with one of them.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 6257 (view)

When the words just come........ Posted: 3/30/2008 5:31:12 PM
Thanks to all the Garden squirrels who have offered prayers for my friend with breast cancer..........she undergoes a mastectomy on Friday. Please double your prayers for her that day.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 6223 (view)

When the words just come........ Posted: 3/28/2008 3:15:09 PM
Such a shock I did have today, to learn breast cancer has come a friend's way. Surgery is scheduled for next Friday....... for my dear friend I ask you to pray. Let us count our blessings, for us in good health, what does it matter if we have not wealth? Please angels, stay by my friend's side, for to lose her is something I could not abide.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

Anniversaries of a loved one's death Posted: 3/15/2008 5:53:00 PM
A close friend died in January 2006. On the anniversary of his death, for the past two years, I have gone to a private place and talked out loud to him, telling him that I love him, and how important he was in my life. And I cry. I have a photo of his beautiful face in a lovely frame in my living room. Seeing his sweet smile still causes me to smile in return.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 232 (view)

30% of women have sex on first dates? Posted: 3/14/2008 7:47:01 PM
A couple (women) I have talked to lately has had dates with 2 or 3 different men in a week. Wow, I'm impressed. Two or three dates in a week! After a long work-day, I barely have the energy to drag myself home, make dinner for the kids, do dishes, throw a load of laundry in the washer, clean up the mess the house....... Hey wait a minute. I'm starting to get a handle on why I don't have energy for 2 or 3 dates a week.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

Hello for the fun of it Posted: 3/14/2008 7:40:10 PM
I sometimes get messages complimenting my profile, or a forums post, and I feel flattered by that and send a reply giving thanks. I have also sent complimentary emails regarding a particularly good profile I read (male or female) or a particularly good forums post. Why not? What is there to lose? We should all be kinder to each other in this world.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

London Warm up to Spring dance!! March 29 2008 Posted: 3/10/2008 7:57:40 PM
Will there be a band or a DJ at the event?

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 59 (view)

Has anyone gone through an anullment in the catholic church? Posted: 3/1/2008 6:02:05 PM
OP, I obtained an annulment through the Catholic Church about 20 years ago. I don't know how much has changed since then, but if I can be of help, please send me a personal message. I did not find the process to be onerous. I found the process to be respectful and compassionate. It is my understanding that, if two people are practicing Catholics, an annulment is usually granted in order to make it possible for the couple to participate fully at Mass (ie Communion). The grounds are much more flexible than they used to be.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 453 (view)

Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date? Posted: 3/1/2008 4:11:36 PM
When I was on the dating market, I handled this issue more indirectly. I would work into the telephone conversation, prior to meeting, that I do not engage in casual sex. I made my position clear without making a direct issue of it. I learned to cut short any men who veered into the sexual in telephone conversations.........these were the very ones who would press for sex on the first date (live and learn). These first dates were also the last. With better screening, my consequent dating experiences were much better. My current partner didn't even try to kiss me on our first date.........but I was very glad that he did on our second.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 73 (view)

Skin-to-skin contact and the benefit of human touch Posted: 3/1/2008 3:51:33 PM
This thread brings to mind an experience I had as a university student. On a volunteer basis, I visited a long-term care hospital ward on a weekly basis. I was assigned to chat with several patients. I was chatting with one woman, sitting between her bed and the bed of the next patient. The second patient was an elderly woman who could not speak. I absent-mindedly patted the hand of this woman, while talking with the first. To my surprise, this woman gripped my hand tightly, and tears began streaming down her face. From then on, every time I came to chat with the first woman, I held the hand of the second. Each time, she would first cry, and then beam silently at me. I learned from the nurses that I was the only person, other than nursing staff, who ever touched this woman, and it was abundantly clear how much it meant to her. We can do so much with a simple, innocent touch.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 51 (view)

Wife wants to Separate and have space Posted: 3/1/2008 3:23:58 PM
First of all, OP, here is a sad truth for you: your wife is already gone. Secondly: you are not ready to re-enter the dating market. It's a big, bad world out there for those with freshly broken hearts. It makes us very vulnerable, and unable to withstand the hurts just awaiting us. I re-entered the dating market only 3 months after my husband left me (for another woman). I was one hurting entity.........just as you are. I still loved my husband, and I didn't want anyone else, I wanted him. But that was not possible. So I figured I'd find myself someone else. I can't begin to tell you the knocks I experienced in that first year of separation. A much wiser me would have refrained from dating altogether for that year. It would have made life a whole lot easier for me. I was trying to distract myself from my pain, but all I did was add to it. Do yourself a huge favour and withdraw from dating. Participate in the POF forums if it brings you any pleasure, but make it clear on your profile that you are ONLY HERE FOR THE FORUMS. Best of luck to you. I've been where you are, and it sucks. Although it's hard to believe right now, things will get better for you........much better.......with time.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Loving two men or women?? Posted: 2/29/2008 5:22:10 PM
I think it is possible to love more than one person at once........but I believe it is only possible to be in love with one person at a time. Love just "is". Being in love is all-encompassing, not something that could be distributed, evenly or unevenly. OP, your ex-boyfriend may well still love you, as well as his current girlfriend, in a passive sense. But he can only be "in love" with one of you.........and I would suspect it's neither of you, or he wouldn't be struggling with this issue.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Seeking inspiring stories of successful marriages/long-term relationships... Posted: 2/28/2008 5:17:50 PM
Nona, I love the story of how your parents met! My parents also have a wonderful love story. My father came to Canada from Holland with 2 of his brothers. When they became Canadian citizens, they decided to sponsor a family of 8 orphans from Holland. My mother, one of the eldest, was one of them. My father looked at the photograph of the eight siblings, looked closely at my mother, and decided that she would be his bride. He actively wooed her upon her arrival in Canada, but she wanted nothing to do with him. She told him to buzz off, and he told her nonchalantly that he was there to visit her brothers, not her. He proposed 3 times before she said yes. They are the most compatible couple I have ever known. They are best friends and romantic lovers. They will be married 55 years this fall. My father adores my mother, and my mother adores him. They are now 78 and 83, and they well know their time together is limited. One will be utterly lost without the other.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Seeking inspiring stories of successful marriages/long-term relationships... Posted: 2/27/2008 1:35:43 PM
I was so surprised to see this thread resurrected! Thank you for doing so, Skyewillow. I'm so glad that PoF brought you happiness. It's ironic, but I posted this thread just 2 months before meeting my current partner. We have been together for almost a year and a half now, and our love continues to grow. PoF can indeed bring people together................

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

30% of women have sex on first dates? Posted: 2/26/2008 6:24:18 PM
Well, two consenting adults are free to do as they choose..........if they choose to have sex, it's up to them. But not wearing a condom? That's not only stupid, it's suicidal.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 918 (view)

Are prostitutes the solution? Posted: 2/25/2008 4:35:55 AM
Visiting this thread this morning was a mistake. Not a good way to start my day. Reminder to Gardennut: Do not visit the prostitution thread again. It's threads like this that make me want to wrap my arms around my loving partner and whisper: "Thank you, God, for sending me this man so that I am no longer out there in the dating market with those men." Amen.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 6026 (view)

When the words just come... Posted: 2/22/2008 5:01:27 PM
My sweetie arrives home tomorrow after a one-week absence. I have written this poem for his homecoming. GOD MUST HAVE BEEN INSPIRED those finely-chiselled features, the high cheekbones and sculpted nose perfectly-formed lips a work of art begging to be kissed, the white teeth that light up your grin, that mesmerizing smile the waves of curls for my fingers to surf, skiing through silken abundance those chocolate-brown eyes with long thick lashes, hypnotic skin so smooth so soft for my hands to glide, starting with the broad shoulders to the back, down the arms to entwine our fingers, yours and mine to bury my face in your chest with your strong arms wrapped around me, and just breathe breathe in the scent of this man I adore, this man who captivates all of my senses God must have been inspired on the day He created you

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 798 (view)

Are prostitutes the solution? Posted: 2/21/2008 12:38:37 PM
Every member of society should care about a prostitute's well being, just as we should all care about one another's well being. I believe that's commonly referred to as being Human. Thank you, Lostcauz, for a rational and compassionate post on this issue, from someone with an inside perspective. Are you saying one of the reasons women don't have sex just for enjoyment is because they're afraid it might make them less marriageable? Ummmmmmmmm...............yes. This comes as a surprise to you? It's not just the marriageability factor............it's being taken seriously by men regarding serious, long-term relationships. I don't buy into the double standard, but I still need to function within a culture that subscribes to the double standard. Capiche?

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 784 (view)

Re: Are prostitutes the solution? Posted: 2/21/2008 5:27:46 AM
It is unfair to view the world's oldest profession by the current times of human trafficking, drug addiction, molestation, rape, homelessness, etc..... Prostitutes have been around long before any of these social issues existed. Oh my goodness, Liana, I think you need to return to history class. Human trafficking, drug addiction, molestation, rape, and homelessness have been around for as long as there have been humans to record these social issues. Circe, I applaud you for the courage to speak out about the realities of the lives led by prostitutes. My more polite post on this issue was soundly ignored. Your post has been at least noticed. Here is my response to the theory that women have it so much easier because all they need to do is go to a bar to find sex (whereas men must resort to prostitutes because sex is harder for them to come by...): Fellas, please answer this honestly: would you marry a woman who had the past practice of picking up men in bars in order to satisfy her sexual needs? Well? In my experience, the same men who find it perfectly acceptable for them to engage in casual sex (including purchasing it through prostitutes) would NEVER consider marriage to a woman who engaged in the same behaviour. Men do not have that double standard to deal with when attempting to meet their sexual needs. I am astounded how few men realize that it is this exact double standard they uphold that prevents them from getting laid on a more frequent basis. What an exasperating double bind.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 47 (view)

Unbelievable! A risk rarely considered... Posted: 2/19/2008 3:45:45 PM
Most women (and yes, even women know this) are only a man or two away from scratching each others eyes out. Really, Cocytus? I have never, ever, EVER been in a position where there has been conflict between me and another woman regarding a man. I have NEVER felt any inclination whatsoever to "scratch out the eyes" of another woman, in relation to a man (or for any other reason), nor can I recall a woman having an inclination to scratch out mine. I have always lived by the clear code of ethics that when a friend/relative is dating/married to a man, HE BECOMES MY BROTHER. He is as far off my sexual radar as my own brother........and believe me, that's off the scale. Perhaps I've been uncannily lucky. But my personal statistics do not fit with your "most" in relation to women. Come on, sisters, group hug..............

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 740 (view)

Are prostitutes the solution? Posted: 2/19/2008 2:53:48 PM
I am a social worker who has worked with sex trade workers (prostitutes and strippers) in a child welfare setting. I feel compassion for women in this trade. The great majority of them are childhood sexual abuse survivors who have carried the message into their adult lives that their only value is sexual. Hence, they turn their sexuality into a paid profession. They do not believe they are worth anything else. When talking with men who support the sex trade, they seem to view it as "good fun" with no harm to either party. After working with the women themselves, I simply cannot see it in this way. I have seen the reasons that propel these women into the trade, and they are not healthy ones. I have seen the toll it takes on them. I see the childhood victims behind the adult women, and I can see no "good fun" therein.

gardennut

Joined: 6/22/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Questions on New POF Relationships Posted: 2/19/2008 1:27:22 PM
You have been seeing each other for several weeks. You have seen each other daily for the past few weeks. He has moved himself into your bed for the past week and a half. I'd say that the time to discuss exclusivity is very ripe. I learned the hard way, once I rejoined the dating market, never to assume exclusivity. That bit me in the azz before I learned to put exclusivity on the table before becoming sexually involved. To me, it's very simple: just ask him. Tell him that you are ready for an exclusive relationship with him. Ask him if he feels the same way. After all, you are not proposing to him. You are simply asking him not to have sex with anyone other than you. If he isn't ready to park his car solely in your garage, then do you really want him parking in your garage at all?

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