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 Author Thread: Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
 lookin4sumthing666
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 418 (view)
 
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:14:53 AM
Hey MBlegendJeah I just saw more of your story (I didn't read the very first messege you left) and yeah it sounds like it was a major shock to the system. Actually that is probably an understatement. If she was actually your first love and you've never ever been hurt or let down that badly by a chick in your life than I wouldn't be surprised if it takes 6 months for you to get over her completelly. After that you should slowly start functioning normally. That is exactly what happened to me the first time I got heartbroken (not by a BPD), but I think it is all the same. You feel empty, lack self esteem and self belief, can't talk to any chicks even if your life depends on it, and basically you feel like you lost your manhood. In the end really its about going out there and reclaiming it. I had to move for uni and luckly over there I took it upon myself to reclaim my identity and I have not looked back. Maybe that is why that while my ex did effect me and the whole relationship was a shock to the system it did not have the same effect on me that it had on you (though I admit your jen sounds a million times worse than my ex) . So basically what I am saying is that maybe things should look up sooner rather than later. Than you have to start thinking selfishly and reclaim yourself, otherwise your just going to keep on getting more lost in this sea of depression and quite frankly, death. Stop being so nice about things in general and about her specially, that will not get you anymore.

In the end I let my ex go, and if she is actually going to get married than good for her, some weird guy is actually going to take care of the psycho. The same applies to your situation. Some other guy out there has taken upon himself to become a psycho nurse and take care of her instead of you. He is actually doing you a favour. Even if the sex was great and the time alone you had was heaven, so what? That is better than facing the hell she eventually leads you to. You can get back to heaven with some other chick way down the track.

In the end the reward will be grand; if you get over it almost nothing can get you down. If you don't....... well...... it simply won't go good for you mate.
 lookin4sumthing666
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 411 (view)
 
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:13:22 PM
Yes I have dated someone with this condition.

When I started seeing her (btw I found her on this site) she told me straight up that she started seeing a theorpist and they said that she had BPD. They gave her pills and started regular sessions to help with the disease. She also told me about how bad her past was that led to her developing BPD. At the time I didn't know anything about BPD so I looked it up and saw what it was all about. Maybe than I should of just lost her number but I thought come on I have to at least see it through and get to know her a little bit.

After only the second time I realised that she was funny with alcohol. Once she started she could not put it down till it consumed her and this whole new person would come out. I think due to the fact that we were out I only saw the good side of that. Later on when we'd just chill at her place and have a few cold ones she would start freaking out and talking about her past and how bad it was. Now that part was ok I don't have a problem listening to someone espiacelly when they are in need. But when she starts to wanting to hurt herself and talk about being unworthy, that is taking it way too far.

So after the first freakout I saw her have I told her she should either stop drinking or at least drink at a slow pace. She said she'd try to drink slower. But I knew she couldn't so I put it upon myself to make sure she drinks slowly. What a mistake that was! Like any drinker my reactions get slower so maybe I was lucky at one time but I wasn't always able to stop her. I'll get back to that a bit later. Other than alcohol consumption the serious issue I saw was her mood swings and how quick she'd change her mind over anything. She had very low self esteem even though she has a lot of things going for her (looks, smart enough, funny, fun, etc). Her past explains that but still, I'm the type that will eventually overpower any situation with a little self belief. She just could not do that, and probably still can't. Also she'd see a tiny comment by me as a very personal attack and something so innocent could develop into world war 3 in seconds. I thought at first ok some people can be like that but the way it was happening and how agro she'd get was just insane.

What I think really complicated matters was her roommate. She's this middle aged sad excuse of a person who had no life, and was either jealous of us or just hated me. I think it was the latter. She also had some kind of condition, I think bipolar or something I am not sure. Anyways she would go online and use my ex's account on msn to chat to me. And she sounded a lot like her too. Though pretending to be someone else online is not that hard. So I told this old hag god knows how many personal stuff, and it strained the whole relationship with my ex. She was definatelly a bad influence when one night she brought something like 2 dozen beers and than her and my ex started drinking. They got soooo drunk their moods went up and than deep deep down to the point where they started cutting themselves. My ex did the most damage. Something like a dozen cuts on her arm and another dozen on her thighs. They were across the arm so they were attention seeking cuts not a suicide attempt. I wasn't there to stop this insanity.

Anyways on to the 'incident'. This involved insane alcohol consumption. Something a normal drinker would have over 4-5 hours she had over 2 hours. Yeah I was drinking with her and got quite drunk myself and couldn't really control the situation (I still feel a little bad about that). Now I know you lot have been involved with someone with BPD for probably a lot longer time than I have, but seeing someone in an insane fit, screaming and chanting and hitting themselves was just plain insane. This lasted for hours till she herself called for an ambulence. So I had to go to the hospital with her. I haven't been to one in ages before I met her. It was one of the most horrible and saddest things I have ever seen in my life. I thought I had issues and tended to look negatively at life, but that is absolutelly nothing compared to that. I felt sorry for her but at the same time I should not be the one to get punished for all of those who have hurt her. I had tried to make her talk about her stuff, and work through it. I guess that was no good, and in fact when I tried to help her, for instance with her insane drinking, she accused me of being controlling. I am very sure it had something to do with my ethicity since her friends didn't really like it that much. But that is not the issue. The fact that as time went on she appreciated me a lot less. She took me and the situation for granted.

After the incident I wanted to think things over. To be honest I did think about breaking up with her right than and there because mood swings and dealing with insecurities is one thing but having to take care of someone who over drinks and has no regard for me is a completelly different thing. Before I decided on anything (this was just a day and a half after the incident) she called to talk online. There she said she was breaking up with me. I was sad and pissed, because it was my decision to make not hers. Than after 10 minutes of that she undoes the breakup. At that point I was just pissed off. How can someone just not care about the other person without any regards to their feelings? I told her well you wanted to break up so you have it. She pleaded and pleaded with no good. Eventually after that (about 10 days after that) she fought with her roommate and left. She called to see me. Only at the time I did not know that she had no place to go. So when I see her she had all her stuff. Basically she put me on the spot so I had to let her stay at my place. It only lasted for one night though. She never thanked me for that. She could of spent the night on the streets if it wasn't for me. After that I thought we were going to just be friends. So I kept on talking to her online. After 3 days of that I realise that it was her roommate again. That is when I had it. I realise that people like her go through so many highs and lows and at time they are can't be explained, but this clear lack of regard to me (espiacelly after all the sweet nice things she would say to me) was the last straw. I just told her I couldn't do this anymore and left it be. She showed how much she cared by leaving a nasty disgusting voice message. That was pretty much it.

Oh except for 2 calls by her roommate. I never answered because I did not want to be draged back into it. I don't mind a little drama but hers was insane. Two months after it ended I did call (I still don't know why) but she didn't really want anything to do with me. She sounded very hateful. So I thought fair enough. A month later (on my birthday of all days) she sends this email telling me oh I'm not such a bad guy and things just did not work out. She also added that she met someone and is engaged. I was just shocked! I guess I was right she didn't see much in me if she moved on THAT quickly. Still it wasn't exactly nice of her rubbing my nose in it. Oh well.

Its sad that in her mind that I am like all her other exs, people who used her and treated her like crap, because I didn't, I liked her a lot and tried my best to help, but in the end I think I made things worse.

I have a question though. Does alcohol make it a whole lot worse? I ask this because in my situation thats when the insanity really started. The pills were working for the most part (except for a few weird moments when she'd just act coco in public).

Look obviously my situation wasn't as bad as some other people's. I only knew her 4 2 months, and while I liked her I didn't fall in love with her so I was able to leave when stuff was just getting insane. Getting over her was a little harder than I thought because I still wish I could of helped her. I kept on thinking on what I could of said or done that would of helped instead of what I did in fact do or say. Oh well.

I still think of her, sometimes, not because I want her back, just curiosity I suppose. Is she better or worse? Is she really getting married or is it another sick joke by her roommate? And if it is true how did that happen and how full of crap was she while she was with me? I'm just the curious type, it has nothing to do with feelings because I know it didn't work for a lot of reasons and I'm ok with it. Time to move on.......
 lookin4sumthing666
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 17 (view)
 
How does one cope....
Posted: 9/25/2006 12:55:48 PM
hey there... yeah my friend is in exactly the same position as u r... shez in love with sum1 who basically blew her off over a year n a half ago... itz really a complex situation but she doesnt know till this day y he did that... n not knowin that is the thing that is hurtin her the most... the other night i mentioned him 2 her n she just broke down... like really bad... so i know most ppl r sayin move on n all that... but thatz easier said than done... take ur time... at least u know y it cant be... avoid him 4 a while... focus on other thingz that can be distractin... i know itz hard im in love with the friend i mentioned... i suggested 2 her that i contact that guy n get him 2 c her so that they can sort thingz out... hopefully she letz me do that so that she eventually move on... n so can u... u just need time... n than either he'll come 2 u or ull realize hez not the one 4 u... either way the end result will be gd
 
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