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SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 103 (view)

Unemployed and lost home... Posted: 8/31/2009 10:24:36 PM
If we were sitting on cots in a shelter after some huge natural disaster, no one would fault us for wanting to play cards or a board game to relieve the tension/stress and lighten the mood. The same can be said for unemployment and dating.... I didn't make it so far up the career ladder to dictate international trading policy, steel pricing or corporate investments in real estate that prompted the downtown in the automotive industry AND I made sound judgments on my personal finances yet I'm pissed that I face the same things that the Hoochies with GEDs and multiple kids by different fathers do: survival. But, because I planned for these eventualities, even a casual observer can tell the diff between Hoochies and me because I HAVE savings to pinch off, I HAVE a house. Even sitting on the cot in the shelter, you can tell who's a mover&shaker who temporarily lost his balance and who was homeless to start with! Just use your common sense! I've would date anyone who could house/feed/clothe himself and had 'residuals' to show for his time on this planet. Residuals include the memories of his time in school, his career highs/lows, his time in Peace Corps digging wells, or studying Middle Eastern philosophy! I'm insightful enough to be able to tell from his conversation (the content, wisdom), his demeanor (not clothes but HOW he carries himself) if he spent his time on the planet meaningfully. And the man I want should be able to tell the same things about me!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Met someone here briefly- was told he suddenly died Posted: 8/31/2009 9:49:00 PM
As a single woman who lives alone, I have often wondered if my family would notify those people who are casual acquaintances...so I've kept every phonebook I've ever had and left instructions to place phone calls to them. Because you never know just how close to someone's heart they've held you - even if you didn't speak everyday. I once had a good friend that I met through business...we became primarily phone friends who'd talk when we were bored at work - nothing sexual just still older male/younger female. Our discussions got pretty deep about hopes, dreams and disappointments, family, etc. But we hardly ever got together and I never met his wife/family. Thankfully, his co-worker called and informed me of his sudden passing. I spoke at his funeral about how important those talks were to me. Afterward, I went up to his wife and daughters to tell them how special he was to me and one of the daughters stopped me by saying, "Oh we know you! Our dad has your college graduation picture on our refrigerator and we have heard about every move you've made, every job and promotion. Our dad loved you so much you're like our sister!" My throat constricted and I couldn't speak. I never knew he felt like THAT about me!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

Childish Friends Posted: 8/31/2009 9:30:35 PM
I'm so glad to read this thread because I thought I was the only one who recently joined Facebook and now finds it extremely childish and annoying! I joined to keep in touch with a friend who moved out of state. I then became re-acquainted with a child I used to babysit and a cousin I'd lost touch with. But other than very superficial communication, we have not re-connected. The biggest mistake I made was to join my high school's alumni group. I had the highest hope that people had changed...matured...morphed into full-fledged adults. And maybe they have but....it doesn't seem like it! The cheerleaders are still into posting numerous pics of them and their multitudes of friends (full hair/makeup, highlighting their faces and hoisting drinks), the players all post pics of their precious pecs in hopes of landing more women, and the nerdy, annoying girls are the ones sending out 15 animal request, high heel gifts, flowers, asking for Mafia things, etc. Plus, who has something to say to this diverse group of people every time you log on?! Don't get me started on the pseudo-philosophers and those having religious revelations EVERYDAY!! Ugh! So, I only friend those I know, only read/response to things that interest me and I took down pics of my baby after the first week! I suggest you do the same. And remember - things you post live on inter cyberspace for all to see FOREVER! So, I've just decided to

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 70 (view)

Who decides what is reasonable? Posted: 8/30/2009 10:44:41 PM
I agree with the other posters that 'reasonable' is interpreted by both parties while weighing whether or not to continue the relationship, their personal feelings & experiences, etc. But, you need to ask yourself HONESTLY do you cry/leave the room as a manipulative tactic? Then STOP IT! It is a huge pet peeve of mine that some women cry ALL THE TIME!!! And the world grinds to a halt because of it. Usually, I find that criers use that time to 1. Freeze time 2. allow THEM (as opposed to the Offender) to dictate the mood of the room - usually to make it more conciliatory to hear their point of view. And that fits the example you gave: He said something, you ran from the room, gathered your thoughts for how you wanted to present your issue to him, returned to the room and expected him to be 1. unoffended by your rudeness in leaving the room 2. concerned and conciliatory to whatever you were going to tell him. I say to all the 'sensitive' types who cry at the drop of a hat or run screaming from the room like Marcia Brady: STOP IT and Grow UP! It's not cute, it undermines us all, and men really, really hate it! You're a lawyer who doesn't get a timeout in court when a ruling doesn't go your way - and you don't get to run from the room then, why do it in private? Come on!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

whats wrong with her or is it me....? Posted: 8/28/2009 12:36:41 AM
Poor you....someone professed to really, really liking you on the first date! Give her a break - have you never blurted out a thought?! Never, ever?! In the weeks that you were speaking on the phone, did she seem slightly nutty? Did she start talking hearts and flowers and whispering sweet nothings in the second minute? If not, then she's probably NOT a psycho or she would have pushed for an initial meeting much sooner. Much more likely is that she LIKES you....she built up her hopes during the phone calls....tried to temper her enthusiasm while waiting see what you looked like in person, preparing for disappointment...then met you, liked you, laughed and had a good time, DRANK, and just as she was letting her guard down, she THOUGHT something that actually came out as WORDS!!!!! Sheesh, a little tolerance, a little forgiveness...?!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

Controlling guys you haven't even met Posted: 8/28/2009 12:24:41 AM
I agree with Landra....yes, we're on a dating site and some may date multiple people at the same time. But.....you don't TELL everyone that you're doing it, until you move toward exclusivity. Dardika said it very precisely...he asked you out definitely and you told him that he was a third-in-line maybe. That's rude and hurtful. You can't call it 'controlling' behavior that he asked you followup questions to your tentative-with-ambiguous-details response. What was the purpose of telling him about your plans and with whom those plans might be? To let him know that you're a hot commodity? If you had responded to me (as one of your girlfriends) in this way, I would have been very hurt! We women need to remember/learn the difficulties of rejection and treat men better when it comes to accepting or declining dates/dances/drinks, whatever. "For all us born beneath an angry star, lest we forget how fragile we are.." - Sting

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Men / Women evidence of AST, prizing, effectiveness. Posted: 8/20/2009 8:01:55 PM
Well, at least the OP's misogyny is right there in our faces....and so similar to the Gym Shooter from the last few weeks. These men are sooooo angry that they can't get the 'Top 10" women they WANT (19, 99 lbs, 44DDD, blonde virgins open to anal sex) that they listen to idiot radio shows on how to 'bag' chicks, buy the books on how to stalk and go to the seminars to learn these hateful techniques. Never spend a moment on self-reflection, self-improvement or just trying to get enlightened as a human. Then, when none of that works for them, explode! This is so pathological there should be a word for this kind of mental disorder. And, men need to stop their pity-party about being 'nice guys'....You were just a guy who couldn't read obvious signals, set your sights on women who wanted nothing to do with you but didn't want to hurt your feelings, then you tried to win them over by being a pest, or hanging around doing things for them UNSOLICITED. When the woman finally got tired of you, she put her foot down and told you to leave in no uncertain terms. Next time, look for small reciprocations as evidence your 'nice guy-ness' is working - if you don't get it, move on! It is just the law of averages that sooner or later, your interest will land on someone who returns your interest. In the meantime, read a freaking book, pray or meditate, voluteer somewhere and try to concentrate on something OTHER THAN getting some.

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 128 (view)

Ugly Vaginas? what would stop you from being intimate when you see it Posted: 8/20/2009 7:38:03 PM
8SoldierFalcon: Yeah, it came off as cold, clinical, hateful and mean. I think there's a certain situational fogginess/amnesia that most people get when it comes to sex with someone you have feelings for....you just over-look small imperfections...then you forget about them. Kinda like the pain of childbirth; the memory of it is superceded by the love you feel for the child.

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

So embarrased! Posted: 8/19/2009 10:20:22 PM
Don't know if you're a troll or not....the purpose of these forums is to be able to discuss things like this in relative anonymity. I would think things like this happen all the time for people who engage in anal sex. But, I seem to recall reading that before one tries anal, you should evacuate your bowels to avoid just this kind of thing. That's one vote for planning the sexual activity in advance.........

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

Missing some parts...well one anyway. Posted: 8/19/2009 10:12:21 PM
I once ran into a guy I'd shared an interlude with many years before....I've some long-term memory problems and he looked very different so he starting telling me things to jumpstart my memory...finally, he said, "I've only got one testicle"....I still didn't remember...then he said, "I dropped you when I carried you into the house" and I remembered everything! Balls are just not very important to me and are in NO WAY an impediment to me liking a guy or thinking he's got a great body or loving the sex. It would only be an issue if I wanted to have kids with him - and we'd find a way around the issue. You are very fortunate to be a man - women are very forgiving, we overlook faults and adapt to whatever IF we like the guy even a little! Think about it, you probably know women who've stayed with cheaters, abusers, impotents, men with 12 kids, the jobless, the pot-bellied, the toothless......a ball?! that's nothing!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 81 (view)

Religion and sex in dating Posted: 8/19/2009 9:55:39 PM
Now, that being said......We all struggle with real world application of Biblical principles - especially relating to sex. Each of us must winnow through cultural nods (slavery was a byproduct of war in those days), time period necessity (covering pretty hair kept wondering nomads from coveting the women and starting wars to get them), and rules for getting along with people (don't lie, cheat with others' wives, steal) to honor God. It's hard to distill and divine God's will relating to sex today. I still believe it's designed for procreation and to promote closeness within marriage - and God made it fun to keep us interested! But, look at the trouble we get into trying to go around this purpose: Multiple partners over a lifetime trying to get that elusive better sex, depression/hurt/loneliness when he/she isn't interested afterward, hygiene and body chemistries not matching bringing on STDs, etc. degradation porn, rape, bestiality, and the list goes on. So, I can see how a person might say, I chose wisely but still got divorced (or I never found the right one). Now, I will still try to honor my Christian principles and the sanctity of my body by not having indiscriminate sex with people I don't care for....I will honor the sanctity of marriage by not having sex with married people....but I will have sex. I will rely on Grace and the full measure of my life when I'm called to account for it. Think about it: If a human judge rendering a judgment can take into account a criminal's childhood, education/socio-economic standing, history and INTENT then we can all rest assured that because God IS infinite wisdom, IS love and has real insight into my motivation, He will render the best sentence.

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 79 (view)

Religion and sex in dating Posted: 8/19/2009 9:29:04 PM
So many misunderstand this simple concept: Many rules, concepts and principles listed in the Bible were a simple ACKNOWLEGEMENT of the Hebrew CULTURE (The way they were used to living, the times in which they lived and the best way to accomplish their goal of getting to the Promised Land alive!) as opposed to absolute rules for everyone to live by for every century going forward. When Jesus came, He spent most of his time trying to show which CORE concepts they needed to keep! When there were conflicts between the law and the real-world application, even Jesus capitulated a little bit - to keep the core of the law but allow humans to actually navigate this life. People wanted to get out of lifetime commitment marriage - and still get into heaven after breaking a vow (HUGE no-no in Jewish culture) - so both Moses and Jesus said they could divorce. Jesus added that if they remarried, it counted as adultery. Moral: Stay married or divorce and remain unmarried lest you cause someone else to sin. For those who don't know, READ! People's quotes and understanding of Christianity based on the actions of its human participants, interpretations they heard from the human priest/preacher, or what they read in poetic translations in centuries-past editions of the Bible are why we keep hearing the uneducated yelling "HYPOCRISY". 1. Get a translation of the Bible you can easily read and understand. 2. Read other supporting texts, dictionaries and other translations for fuller explanations of words, concepts, history and culture 3. Pray and ask God to help you understand the meaning of His words. And before calling fallible humans trying to navigate a complex world "hypocrites", remember, Christians aren't perfect - just trying very hard!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Something interesting Posted: 8/14/2009 11:46:57 AM
I associate slow, measured responses with too much calculation and too little humanism. I would like a man who would just look at me and say, "Wow, you look pretty" or "I'm so happy when I'm with you" because it seems like he'd ALSO LIKELY be the man who would also swerve to the side, jump from the car and help an accident victim before I'd even registered the accident in my brain....he'd also be the guy who'd be the first to reach for his wallet when out with other couples, etc. The tricky part is that one would hope that he would be calculating in some areas...he should calculate his paycheck, savings, retirement, bill-paying, etc. He should carefully evaluate his career choices, how he'll raise his kids, etc. I don't think anyone wants ADD/ADHD guy who's always getting in fights because someone accidentally stepped on his toe or who always runs out of money, etc. but don't most of us straddle these fences ?

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie? Posted: 8/10/2009 9:23:21 PM
From your post and responses, I think you're wise enough to ferret out all except the most masterful manipulators and sociopaths. You'll understand that most women like to take a more security-minded approach to asking a man to our home - and for good reason. But, that doesn't mean that women can't be Clingers, Drop-Ins, Deluded or just the type that won't go away nicely when things have ended - thus, compromising your home security. I like to keep it friendly and say, "You're invited to my home, but keep in mind that I've got a killer security system and guns in every room so, if you'll just show me your driver's license, and submit to having your photo taken, I'll give you the address!" ;)

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 312 (view)

Hottest Movie Scenes Posted: 7/21/2009 8:35:09 PM
At Msg197: Crash with James Spader and Holly Hunter (about car-crash porn)....It's about a man's sexual awakening. Another poster mentioned a scene where Spader is doing the woman spoon-style from the back while she talks dirty to him....they are barely moving at first and she builds the dirty talk and the camera moves back to show their synchronized movement is increasing as her talk reveals his true interest (I won't spoil it for you guys). Several other scenes are very sexy too: The two guys pick up a prostitute and one guy does her in the back seat while Spader can't resist watching in the rearview mirror! The carwash scene wherein Spader's girlfriend is convinced to do Elias Koteas in the backseat while he watches! Even if you're not into car-crash porn, Spader's awakening is very sexy!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 311 (view)

Hottest Movie Scenes Posted: 7/21/2009 8:26:08 PM
To Msg191: On HBO'S ROME: Titus Pullo meets his sexual match after a knockdown drag out fight. Yep, it has overtones but it was simply the best sex scene EVER on HBO! And, I've seen a lot of things on HBO!! ;) Titus Pullo: Truly a man's man! Tall, muscular, virile, sweaty and dirty from battle, kinda stupid but faithful and loyal - not my normal type but whoooooooooooooooooo

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 48 (view)

I am having a very hard time getting my mond around this!! Posted: 7/21/2009 7:36:16 PM
To break it down, you're feeling upset by the fact that she didn't sit home pining for you during the separation. The texting she learned from him brings the question to your mind as to what SEXUAL things she may have learned with him also and, how are you gonna keep her down on YOUR farm now that she's seen HIS big city?! Well, you're probably not because you can't navigate the Madonna/Whore-thing in your mind.... Just get a divorce, find a nice virgin who will think you have the finest penis and the best technique because it's all that she knows. Then spend the rest of your life shielding her from porn, other women and their stories, the internet and every other information source. Don't do any self-evaluation, don't man-up, question the paternity of any current children and definitely DNA-test any future ones. You've got a busy life ahead of you - get off POF and get to it! Or confess you didn't get as much tail during the separation as you would have liked (or as much as she did), pray and meditate on maturity, forgiveness and the hard stuff of marriage. And, if after all that, you still can't forgive and forget, DO NOT go back to your wife just to punish her - see paragraph #2!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 70 (view)

he never had a chance to ask questions about your life! Posted: 7/20/2009 1:28:19 AM
I don't know about ErinLove but it's actually that sexy, relaxed pose on your profile that unleashed an unbridled lust in me, RockMan! As a incessant talker, I had considered that the poster talked non-stop throughout the whole date and that's why he didn't talk much. When dating, one has to know oneself and how the world typically responds to certain aspects of oneself. That's not to say that you need to change but modification may be in order. Like most talkers, you may be attracted to quiet, introspective men.....then you're confused/hurt when they act exactly like THAT instead of exactly like you! Consider NOT talking so much, being comfortable with silence and not asking so many questions nor volunteering so much information on first dates. Have no fear that you'll never find someone to actually like you, the talkative you, because opposites usually attract. It's just that you've gotta kiss a lot of frogs first.

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 40 (view)

Wait a year to pay off divorce debts before getting remarried? Posted: 7/11/2009 7:59:56 PM
Yeah, like a lot of people who want to sway readers to their side, you only listed 'certain' facts. It's not just debt...it's your ex-wife's car ! A car is not a necessity, even if you live in a rural area, even if you have kids...and I can't imagine a divorce judge ordered you to make ongoing car payments unless.....you must have owed her a lot of money.... Ugh, the stupid things people do then try to pass off as heroic..... No debt is not just debt! Your student loans, your alimony, your child support, your kids' college funds are YOUR baggage and should not become part of your new wife's budget! It's exactly why there should be joint and separate accounts for adults who get married later in life (and with more baggage). The only thing OF YOURS that should be shared is your current mortgage if you will live in the house when you marry. We don't know your fiance's reasons for not wanting to get married until you've put a dent in these bills......but she's a smart cookie! So, stop sitting around being huffy and either get out of this obligation or ge a second job and pay it off before you start any others.

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 56 (view)

Death and the age of 50.... Posted: 7/8/2009 8:50:55 PM
Sorry I haven't responded in a few days...life calls. But, I read the new responses and I agree with you all....I just analyze everything! It's my nature!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 91 (view)

Should I? Posted: 7/3/2009 9:33:59 PM
I think it's important for people to speak openly and honestly about ' intent and mindset' because it allows one to calculate the likelihood of outcomes. So, poster...that's why some people are really jumping on you here. To get you to calculate BETTER because it doesn't seem like you have up to now. This topic keeps coming up because we don't tell our young people, in ways they can truly understand (you know, REALLY keeping it real!), that people don't change unless they have a HUGE, life-altering event (near-death, jail, death of close friend/relative) or after many, many years of hard-knocks. It would have probably been very easy for one of us to predict how your guy was going to act by looking at his actions (without the rose-colored glasses of 'love'): He didn't have a father (or not a good one), he lived rent-free at home after age 19, he wasn't in collge/didn't work/worked a low-paying job with no concrete future plan, spent all his money on car/motorcycle/partying (never saved), went out with his friends ALL THE TIME, you never saw him even GLANCE at another kid EVER! You probably had issues with other girls calling his cell/he disappears/keeps in touch with his ex....all that kind of stuff are good precursors of all his behavior NOW. Go back and read my previous post for the blueprint for what will be happening for the next 18 years unless YOU CHANGE!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

Death and the age of 50.... Posted: 7/3/2009 9:11:41 PM
Tarnished Knight: :"I check the obit… I find is that folk around my age are dieing, not of the ravages of time, but of something more tragic: auto crashes, sudden illness, violent atrocities." In my family's cases, there was body neglect coupled with tragedies. Since I am both their spitting images, it has just popped up in my mind more recently than ever before. Farceur: "There is the fact of how many people die at 50 and then there is the question of how it can seem like something is happening more from how you're noticing it more. My idea of life after 50 is dismal. It may be just a number but somehow this particular number seems to represent something big." I know I am noticing it even more because I've been conditioned to believe that one should have 'arrived' by age 50 and I still feel like I'm just really getting started! SometimesMiss: "As far as 'taking care of ourselves'…plenty of people in their 90's that have eaten… a terrible diet, smoked, and drank, and still made it to 90…There's no sure recipe for a long life; it's all still a 'best guess' situation." I believe when it's my time, I'll go - but like everyone, I wanna squeeze in ALL my aspirations. And I've found that things take a lot longer and not everything can be accomplished all by myself ! ReadyorNot57: "I keep the faith that one day some woman will actually love me....something I never had." You have just honed in on my main fear - that I'll go before finding that someone who will actually get me! And, I'm trying to keep hope alive! Thanks to all the posters...I wasn't trying to depress anyone or suggest you've outlived your time...just something I had been pondering more and more these days.

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 61 (view)

Do you get turned on reading this forum Posted: 7/2/2009 10:26:30 PM
Oh my goodness! Can we get this ChinaShopBull to teach a class?! That whole post is EXACTLY what I want the man to think, do and say! I'm feeling a little weak in the knees right now, whew!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 160 (view)

Celebrity one-nighter Posted: 7/2/2009 10:10:26 PM
Chazz Palmintieri - so I could run my tongue over his top lip and kiss him all night! Adebisi (African from HBO's Oz) - because he has the perfect male body and casual animal sexuality to boot! Bro'Man (from Martin and Bernie Mac Show) - cuz he's beautiful and I could get him! Benicio DelToro - so he could mumble something SPANISH in my ear! Matthew McConnaughey - so I could run my hands over those tanned pecs and abs! Daniel Craig (new James Bond) - those lips and his intensity = super O Sam Elliott's voice - for phone sex Dave Matthews - and you come Crash Into Me, baby...and I come into........You Arnold Schartzenegger - with the old Terminator body - don't talk, just screw Man, I am warm right now! ;)

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Death and the age of 50.... Posted: 7/2/2009 8:44:30 PM
I've noticed in the past ten years or so that many, many people seem to be dying right around the age of 50. I may be paranoid by the deaths of my father (49 and 11 months) or his mother (42! different factors) but friends, co-workers and their families have noted it as well. With Michael Jackson's recent passing, the idea came up again and on the news today, some Michigan college sports guy died of pancreatic cancer at 49. We don't always know family history, drug/alcohol history or anything for certain but it seems with all the scientific advances, bodies shouldn't be wearing out! We don't do nearly the amount of physical labor that our ancestors did. We have access to immunizations and some form of healthcare so, why do people seem to be leaving here in unprecedented numbers at this milestone birthday?

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

punctuality and doing what you say Posted: 7/2/2009 8:32:08 PM
There's a passive-aggressive aspect to always keeping someone waiting too. Have you all noticed that the always tardy people also find other small ways to quietly gain the upper hand in situations rather than confronting them head-on? Being on-time to work but late to meet friends or family says to me, "I don't care that they'll be angry. They'll get over it." That's why it happens continually. I've seen guys look at their cellphones ringing and say, "I'm not answering, she'll call back" or "She's calling to see when I'm coming home. I'll be home when I get there". The more subtle ones just look at the phone and continue talking. The above dialog is going on in their heads. It's the same for the rudeness of not RSVP'ing or not showing up. Those passive-aggressive a*holes don't want to give a reason for non-attendance that might make them look bad, and they figure they'll have time to think up an excuse before they see you again! Urrrrrrggggghhh!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 71 (view)

Should I? Posted: 7/2/2009 8:17:20 PM
Goga: Sometimes you need the harsh aunt to be very blunt with you. Many men don't want to use condoms because they can't 'feel' it. The same guys like the idea of kids but not the reality: no more spontaneous sex, no more freedom, money, and there's obligation, etc. These guys find easy reasons to leave the mothers because they aren't mature enough for bills, obligation, etc. But, when they leave, they find that society (family and friends too) makes a bad judgment about them. EVERYONE has heard a story "The father left, he's a bum" and this guy starts to feel guilty everytime he has to explain to new women, his family (who've heard about you being pregnant) and whenever business needs to be conducted (filing income taxes, ltrs from child support authority). Plus, once the baby arrives, your figure comes back (or his memory of your figure), you usually have somewhere to live, food to eat, a tv to watch - oh and the novelty of the child he created (the kid may be cute!). So, his guilty conscience/desire to be decent arises sometimes and he comes to see the child (but really it's to be a part of YOUR home). While there, he can check up on you - if you're friendly, his thoughts turn to sex. If you've got a new man or remind him of his everyday responsibilities, he calls you Biotchy and leaves. And he doesn't return until his conscience gets the better of him again (in a few months or around a holiday). Outta sight is outta mind so he doesn't remember to send any money. THIS IS WHY HE WANTS TO SEE THE BABY! The child is just the key to YOUR door and has very, very little to do with his renewed contact. I'll only ask this question, when he asked for a visit, did HE mention giving you some money? No, he wants THAT to wait til the hearing, right?! Don't spend 18 years worrying about whether or not he's on drugs or drinking or what kind of role model he's being. Raise your child alone and let him figure out how to PROVE repeatedly who he is WHILE SENDING THE MONEY. As the other poster stated,"Money is what's close to his heart and he's using what's close to yours to get back at you".

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

Celebrity duds in bed Posted: 7/1/2009 10:29:36 PM
I've read a few places that Sylvester Stallone is not really packing a whallop and he looks like he would be a 2-minute mumbler anyway! I agree that Halle Berry seems like she wouldn't really know what she's doing. Even Angelina seems like she would be moody-lazy and only want to do the weird stuff she made up in her mind. O, the things we tell ourselves! On the other hand, the new James Bond, Daniel Craig seems like he would have you climbing the walls....cuz he's kinda ugly-handsome and probably had to work really hard to get women before he was famous. Then once he got them, he was so appreciative that he'd work really hard! He just seems like a true LOVER of women!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

punctuality and doing what you say Posted: 7/1/2009 9:14:25 PM
One more thing....where have all the cowboys gone? Remember in every western...the stoic man who risked ranch, life and limb to keep a promise or bring the herd in on-time? Or the military man, standing on the strength of his word and his honor, who could be depended upon to drag his comrade to the chopper no matter how many enemies were shooting at him? Sigh.....I want him! But, the first part of a relationship is trust. If I can set my watch by him, count on him come rain or come shine without excuses, he'd find little conflict. And if he could be highly intellectual, that would be great! And if he could look good in a tux like James Bond, that'd be great! And if he was good with kids - whooo! I just don't want to play the traditional passive female.

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

punctuality and doing what you say Posted: 7/1/2009 9:06:22 PM
This is the prime reason I'm not attached right now! It's also the reason I don't have many friends. Grown-up adults know themselves, the world they live in and how to plan. When we set a time for something, INHERENT in the process is that each person will think of all they need to do, their personal get-ready speed, then they factor in a extra few minutes for unforeseen circumstances. I used to be ticked off but forgiving the first few times but then I started watching how these people use their time. Over and over again, I've seen the habitually-late get a move on when they wanted to/needed to/had to (jobs, something their excited about)...then I've seen them procrastinate, get distracted and just plain ignore set-times. A few times, I've casually mentioned the time and gotten the reply, "Oh, they'll just wait"...that's when I ended it. Because then I knew their true intent, "I don't CARE that others are inconvenienced or upset, I'm going to do what I want"....and I just have to respond accordingly.

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Should I? Posted: 7/1/2009 8:12:17 PM
No, do not let him see the child. What good will 'seeing' her do for him? Is his love contingent upon the child being cute? What if the baby is crabby or has a rash that day? Will Dad disappear once again? He had 9 months to consider what he wanted. Each day thereafter, when he didn't make contact, his decision was clear. Fortunately, we have laws that say he can just pay and not have contact with his child. To the posters who say/think children need to know their fathers.....there are many, many children whose lives would have been vastly improved by never having met their biologicals. Disregard the worst (child abusers, addicts, etc.), what about the un-enthusiastic dad whose boredom is palpable? What about the distant, never hugged/smiled dads? Do you have any idea what that kind of apathy might do to a deep-thinking or emotional child? One extraordinary woman can raise and extraordinary child - are you up to the task?

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 123 (view)

Hassle free dating Posted: 7/1/2009 7:56:54 PM
Ah, SoldierByte....man after my own heart! Surely you know that such an upfront, in-your-face, cards-on-the-table approach to soul-mate-finding would frighten 99 out of 100 men and forever label the woman "Aggressive, butch, and a FemiNazi" ! It's getting so tiring looking for that one man out of a 100...why don't you just move me out to OK.... On a serious note, women may feel exactly as you do at different times in their lives but rarely admit it openly because it seems desperate - which is the kiss of death in dating. I'll admit here that there have been times that I've said, "The next guy who can stand upright, read and doesn't smell - gets me!" Fortunately or unfortunately, no guy approaches me and I live past that temporary insanity! Then, I get back to my 100-point checklist!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

Hassle free dating Posted: 6/28/2009 10:49:26 PM
I'm a 'checklist' kinda of person mostly because I am a seasoned veteran of the dating scene. In my own defense, I do it BECAUSE I still get excited at the prospect of finding someone who seems to fit so compatibly only to be sorely disappointed when the key discredit causes the failure. It's like being at a surprise party, jumping out yelling surprise 15 times before the intended person comes in! At some point, you get tired of jumping up at every approaching footstep. For me, it's not about interviewing anyone by peppering them with successive questions but insuring we don't waste each other's time. In a GENERAL sense, if you can't answer where you've lived/worked, how long you've been divorced and how you feel about re-marriage, what relationship do you have with your kids....those are red flags (TO ME!) that there are undesireable answers. And remember, for all you nice, reserved men out there who don't divulge much to others....there are a thousand sex offenders, ex-convicts, drug addicts, won't take his medication-mentally ill, former spouse abusers, womanizers with multiple ex-wives, low-end gigolos looking for nice warm homes with 401(k)'s attached looking for relationships too. They're usually hesitant to divulge much too - should I wait until their parole officers call me for a reference before I ask about that? P.S. I'm sure there are many men who wished they had asked women a few choice questions in the beginning and avoided: multiple children re-appearing, huge debt/financial crises requiring rescue, ex-convict ex-husbands seeking revenge, etc.

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 46 (view)

I won't be an old Biddy! Posted: 6/22/2009 3:23:02 PM
BlueEyesRSmiling: Wow, you make a great point about STAGES of life and them taking moments, weeks, or years. Your examples were great as I've experienced some of the same revelations about myself as you have. The part about feeling like I've becom a full-fledged woman is something I experienced about 5 years ago when I FULLY stopped comparing myself to other women (bodies, lives, accomplishments) and it took a concerted, sustained effort which started 15 years earlier! Thanx for the good insight!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

I won't be an old Biddy! Posted: 6/20/2009 11:23:37 PM
SapphireEyes: Thank you for supporting my exact sentiment. You REALLY understood what I was trying to convey! The post was a remembrance of what happened TO ME on a consistent basis by women of a certain age. Although I initially respected and looked up to 40-ish women because of what I thought they had attained....they showed by their attitudes and actions that they were petty, small-minded and hostile...for no apparent reason other than that I was younger than they and did things only slightly differently! The caricature of the Old Biddy is a mean-spiritied, meddling, hyper-critical person is a ready symbol that most will immediately recognize. I tend to be long-winded, so I used this short phrase to shorten the post! I wasn't asking for posters to state how young they feel, etc. rather how do they consciously endeavor NOT to be a know-it-all, how do they NOT talk about how much better it was in the olden days, how do they remain open to new ways of doing old things. In the subtext was a call to us all....to be more aware/remember what it was like to be young or inexperienced or just dancing to a different drummer. I won't even deign to answer the other unwarranted charges.

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Listen up Folks, This is a good one!!!!!!!!! Posted: 6/20/2009 11:02:40 PM
EarthFire is absolutely right! You just want what you don't have - the friendship connection is great and you THINK the sex will be too. What if it isn't?! What if it's just ok...then where's does that leave the friendship? She sounds like the type that settled for Mr. AlmostRight while keeping one eye open for Mr. EvenMoreRight (YOU!). What if you're NOT? Her quest would continue. What if you are? But....she encounters someone with something she didn't even know she wanted? Continuously looking for an upgrade is a serious character flaw! We can't always get what we want - and that's a good thing! Cuz, if you WAIT sometimes, you discover...you didn't really need it anyway.

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Have you ever farted during sex? Posted: 6/20/2009 10:42:07 PM
No, I don't usually get gas on a regular basis but the women in my family do so there's something to look forward to! And their gas is usually so loud and 'long-winded' that it sounds like a man singing holding a long note! The funniest family story is one who re-married the romantic man of her dreams. She had managed to avoid this problem for several weeks into the marriage. Then one late night (after an evening of holding them in)....one erupted from her that was so loud and long that it woke him up before her! She awoke in the middle of it to find him sitting up in bed just looking at her. He said, "I've been wanting to time them because I think you could be in the Guinness Book of World Records!" Talk about the facade of girly-girlness being 'blown away'!!!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

Eat in or take away...the period question Posted: 6/20/2009 10:31:48 PM
As several women have stated, before and after menses are when the hormones are going crazy and most of us get very horny. Since many factors affect the timing of its arrival (such as being pounded against a headboard), many of us discovered that we liked full-service when we're IN THE MIDDLE OF THINGS....and just decided to keep going! If you know your anatomy, the guy's not usually concentrating most of his efforts on the faucet (so to speak) but on the handle (clitoris) above it. Guys end up enjoying it more than they ever thought because of the intense reaction they get from the woman. It really is no different from sperm....most men feel it's a rejection of THEM personally if a woman doesn't welcome it, swallow it or rub it into their boobs with a smile on her face! Bodily fluids should only be exchanged freely between mature people who know their sexual health matters, have a basic understanding of anatomy, have genuine affection for each other and who have each showered! After that, it's all personal preference!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 72 (view)

Nipple Size - What do guys prefer? Posted: 6/16/2009 11:30:26 PM
This is a reasonable question for women who haven't seen a lot of other women's nipples. I went to a gym when I was about 19-20 and was floored at how different boobs looked inside clothes as opposed to naked. What I had seen on a few porno's, left me thinking that my boobs/nipples were strange and surely no man would really want to see them. All it took was one guy to gasp and fall to his knees when he saw mine to boost my confidence. When he went on to say that men may have their 'perfect woman preferences' but they like whatever is getting naked in front of them. Women need to stop thinking there's an 'ideal woman' - and trying to become her. And from some of the responses here, it's good to see that some mature men have never bought into the Barbie ideal or the idea they could GET such an 'ideal woman'! Thank you men, I love any guy who loves women, in all the shapes we come!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

I won't be an old Biddy! Posted: 6/16/2009 9:47:34 PM
SapphireEyes: You really understood the spirit of my post! It was especially the unhappily-married, minimal-speed coworkers and other older women who resented my approach to life were the ones who I referred to. The ones who took my zeal for work, fierce independence, feminism and other philosophies as personal affronts to the choices THEY had made. Oh, it was tiring to ignore and battle their assaults every day. I combat that syndrome by being the 'cool big sis' to the younger women I encounter. Someone who is open to new ways of doing things and actually compliments sincerely. More than anything, when I tell my history - I don't sugarcoat it. I don't gloss over my mistakes and admit where I could have done things differently. I'm frank and talk openly about the things I wish some older woman had hipped me to. That's my way of NOT being an old biddy! It's not so much about how much I exercise or whether or not my hair is grey but my way of interacting with younger people. Thanx all for your comments!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

Room mates 45 and over, Does it effect dating? Posted: 6/13/2009 11:35:07 PM
Well, I'd like to see how you 'work' the situation/roomies and whether or not I could fit into your lifestyle. For instance, do you have a separate entrance (for late-night visits), is your bedroom big enough that we're not smothering each other - are the walls very thin? And most importantly, do you have a private bathroom (canNOT share!)? You seem to indicate that you have separate lives and I would hope it's actually true where I wouldn't feel like I'm dating the 'crew'. I wouldn't mind having an occasional game night with your housemates but, how will we handle it if I don't like one of them? Of course, if you're a fun, romantic, sexy guy, most women will put up with anything!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

I won't be an old Biddy! Posted: 6/13/2009 11:02:38 PM
When I was in my late teens/early 20's and struggling to see what life was about and make my way, I really admired certain women over 40. The ones who were well-dressed/coiffed, who seemed at ease in their bodies and in whatever situations presented themselves. I assumed all kinds of things like: they were married with really nice homes, had nice cars (that didn't breakdown constantly like mine), etc. - they had figured out who they were and where they were going. I assumed that I could go to them for advice and they would give it unselfishlessly, would have my best interests at heart, etc. Then, without fail, these women would seemingly go out of their way to sabotage my work, gossip openly about me and generally make my life hellish. I vowed NEVER to be that kind of 40+ woman. Now that I'm 'of a certain age', I really make it a point to compliment sincerely, withhold my advice until it's requested, help when I can and when I must critique to encourage afterward. I'd like to hear how other ForumPosters keep from becoming Old FuddyDuddies or Old Biddies.

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 243 (view)

Women that wear too much makeup at our age.... Posted: 6/13/2009 10:42:36 PM
As a lifelong makeup wearer, I do it to put my best face forward in this competitive world where I know that my personality/spirit/education/socio-economic status are NOT the first things people see. It is to accentuate what is most prized in this society (smooth, flawless skin, big-bright-eyes, full-luscious-lips) and diminish what I don't want to present FIRST to the world. People don't stand up and announce their shortcomings on first acquaintance. Why? Because we are undoubtedly hoping the other person will 'see' all our other good qualities and either overlook or look with a kinder eye at everything else. The matter of what others do with their bodies could evoke such vehement reactions in unaffected parties is one of the reasons humans have not progressed farther. It has been said that while English men were waging wars, subjugating every culture they encountered, and stealing from the world - their distracted women were holding tea parties to snicker at the length of someone's dress ruffle and snub others whose hair didn't have enough curl. Imagine where the world would be, what influence they could have had, what horrors they could have stopped if they'd paid attention to what was really important in this world? As for TammyFaye Bakker - SHE felt she looked good, SHE got two men to love her, SHE lived the life she wanted, and from everything I've ever heard about her - most people thought she was a very nice woman.

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Forced to be a mom...again Posted: 6/11/2009 10:38:27 PM
I'm wondering why your Anty's child would call YOU "Mom"? Wouldn't he (let's call him a boy) call Anty "Mom" - even in the presence of his siblings? I'm a foster Mother myself who has the youngest of nine; her siblings are living with 4 other people including some relatives. The kids call their birthMom "Mama" and the other 'parents' Mrs. LastName, Grandma and Auntie. Amongst themselves, they refer to us as "Boopsy's FosterMommy" or "TeeTee's FosterMommy", etc. Children are very adaptible and, if explained properly without judgment, will call you anything you want. And, as other posters have stated, you have to know your limitations and do not allow the BirthMom's irresponsible fertility make you feel guilty. When the kids ask why some siblings don't live with you, simply say, "Mommy just couldn't take care of any more of BirthMommy's kids with the best of her ability so Anty took him and you still get to see him a lot, isn't that great!"

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 82 (view)

Well you made the choice to have a baby with him Posted: 6/11/2009 10:21:32 PM
That's why picking someone to be intimately connected to for the next 18+ years should not be taken lightly! But, people jump into sexual relationships and even have long-term 'superficial' relationships during which they never inquire about or pay attention to key characteristics like: employment prospects, drug/alcohol use, family history of mental illness, criminal history, and views on gender roles, control/submission, maturity and what it means, etc. Then, a pregnancy happens, someone acts in COMPLETELY PREDICTABLE, 'seen on every daytime talk show' behavior and the woman acts SURPRISED and HURT!! Then they don't want to be called out about it! The reality is that pregnancies don't 'just happen'...there is active neglect of contraception that leads to a PREDICTABLE LIKELY conclusion. No one cares nor even remembers your ex-boy/girlfriends that just didn't work out. But, when you bring kids into things....and have 18+ years of continued interaction (or repercussions from)...then you complain about him/her and want sympathy/empathy....yeah, people are gonna remind you, "You picked him!"

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 56 (view)

Father wants to see child after 11 years of no contact........ Posted: 6/11/2009 9:46:14 PM
People assume continuing to have no contact with this man will harm this child and she'll have regrets or grow up to be a hard-hearted person. Consider that she has already learned some really hard life lessons about self-sufficiency and what family obligation means! Whether or not she fears re-abandonment or not - she doesn't want to meet him. Anything he could offer her - she's prepared to go without and that's FINE! Forget his criminal past and the OTHER CHILD he abandoned, he had 365 days times 11 YEARS to try to contact his child. Every one of those days, he ACTIVELY chose not to! This is NOT a 'mistake' that should be easily forgiven. He, the grown-up, the guilty party, the father should have to do all the hard swallowing, write 10,100 apologetic letters, buy gifts, and lobby to be part of his child's life again - over an extended period of time! Put all those letters/stuff away in a room, visit it everyday without ceasing or complaining then wait and HOPE that she contacts him - then he'll really understand and empathize with the hurt his stupidity caused! People all want forgiveness but rarely does anyone want to work for it! The single mother, who was there EVERYDAY raising a decent child should not do ANYTHING to assist him in this endeavor INCLUDING lobby on his behalf to the child.

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

Things I have experienced that are unpleasant when meeting someone... Posted: 6/11/2009 8:55:07 PM
The guy who goes for immediate phone calls, arranges a date for that weekend, then goes out the night before, meets a woman and cancels with me 7 hours before. Of course, he EXPLAINED how much he really 'liked' this other woman! So, that made everything Okay! I felt the breeze of impetuousness, superficiality, and callousness as he whisked by me! Count yourself lucky that these types show themselves early so you don't invest time, energy and emotions in them!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

Grandma's With a Package Deal! Posted: 6/7/2009 12:36:20 AM
This is a good example of how selfishness and self-centeredness are not limited to young people. I'd like to know what fantastic, exciting, things you would be doing 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with a woman with no kids? Romantic dinners in Africa after daily humanitarian missions? Painting/Sculpting or writing the greatest novel? Conducting biological research for new pharmaceuticals? And, raising children is not such a chore to be checked off a TO DO list. You should just be brave and flat-out state in your profile and first email, first date: I don't wanna be bothered with your kids or grandkids (or any other people that you've spent your life with); I just want you all to myself. Plenty of women will go for it.

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Age 55+ communities question Posted: 5/31/2009 9:05:25 PM
When I bought my house 2 years ago, I was specifically looking for a neighborhood with a lot of 55+ people! I WANT everyone's home maintained to the same standard, pristine lawns, little old ladies watching/reporting suspicious activity. What did I get? It's called 'mixed-income housing': 9 year old new construction houses next-door to 40 year old homemade shacks across the street from low-income housing. Guess what comes with that? Shack residents cut the grass starting at 6:00 am and believe in playing blues music and horseshoes Sundays starting from 9:00 am! How dare I complain - they've lived here for 40 years! Low-income residents unleash their kids at the crack of dawn to terrorize the neighborhood - then Mom LEAVES! When Mom returns, her boyfriend speeds down the street doing 60 mph blasting rap music then they all hang out in front of their units laughing, cursing and being loudly obnoxious until the wee hours of the night - they have no jobs or 10:00 am mall jobs. I can't WAIT for some Swingin' Senior community! P.S. Why'd I buy here? I got bamboozled by the shiny newness of the house and failed to do any research! P.S.S. As I type this at 12 AM, I'm listening (thru closed windows) to the thumping music of a Project Boyfriend partying in his car!

SeriouslyFun1

Joined: 7/9/2006

Msg: 48 (view)

The Value of Silence Posted: 5/31/2009 8:46:02 PM
Silence is not good in the 'getting to know each other' phase - at least IMHO. Silence does, oftentimes, cover a complete lack of social and conversational skills. I'm afraid some men will view this thread and wrongly re-interpret those silent, uncomfortable dates the wrong way. There are so many men who have not read any books nor thought deeply about or researched any principle or idea to be able to carry on a decent conversation. You can see evidence of this in the number of profiles wherein they write: "Ask me anything you want to know" and in their one-sentence emails. When you have gotten a good sense of the person's likes/dislikes, opinions, politics, etc. then you can have those golden moments. Until then, let's hear some chatter! Queen of the Chatterboxes

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