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slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Missing the Point? Posted: 11/19/2009 8:02:57 AM
Oh, absolutely, you're 110% wrong. Wait...I thought you were referring to dating men with catastrophic frontal brain lobe damage. Granted, I've got plenty of platonic female friends who occasionally hop into my lap, slip me the tongue and grab my junk, but they don't really want me, everyone knows that. Seriously, what do you have to do, drop your panties, grab your ankles and yell "hard"? p.s.: This is not a profile review, so I apologize in advance for my temerity. But it's spelled "loathe". "Loath" is an adjective, which means, well, something other than what you meant. And speaking of Playstations, p.s. 2: "Some orifice"? What, like, your nose? Your ear? How small was he, exactly?

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

How do I ask a man out? Posted: 11/19/2009 7:41:11 AM
C'mon guys. If we're going to crack jokes, let's crack jokes that are a bit younger than Wilford Brimley's mustache. Far more amusing, would be a Letterman-style top 10 list of the ways not to ask a man out. Speaking of which: 1. "Don't I know you? Now I remember, I read your profile on the herpes positive dating site. Wanna get some coffee? I'm in remission right now." 2. "Hey there. Is that fat b*tch your wife? You can do better, honey. Call me." 3. "I can do better things with these lips than this opening line. You (points at his crotch), me, stall two in that men's room, 5 minutes. Don't be late." 4. "Hey baby. Want to make fifty bucks?" 5. "I've been so much more fulfilled since I let the Lord Jesus enter my soul. Do you want to enter my soul? Please enter my soul. Now. (Climbs into his lap.) 6. "You'll do." 7. "Crack for crack, let's trade." 8. "If you'll pretend to be my daddy, I'll pretend you're not fat." 9. "I would like to take the initiative and ask a man out from time to time instead of wasting my time waiting around for a guy I like the looks of to ask me out. But my imagination is failing me right now. Coffee?" 10. Look, I know this is maybe a bit, well, unusual and embarrassing as an opening line, but bear with me for a second, and if you'll keep an open mind, I'll keep it real. I'm way out of your league, and you know it. But if you're willing to dress up like Grover and spank me while I sing the alphabet song, we're a couple.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

what advise i give my friend Posted: 11/19/2009 7:10:56 AM
So I get to play Dear Abby again, yay. 1. I'll skip the easy bit where I pretend that it wasn't lackadaisical typing that had you suggesting that your "friend" (amazing how friendly people are with themselves these days, this whole 'self-esteem' thing has gotten really out of hand) texted some guy 12 times. First girl to reach carpal tunnel or a restraining order wins! (Because "she's" "not like crazy", right?). 2. As for the coffee, tea or me business, the only place humiliation and maid outfits belong in a relationship is in the bedroom. 3. Obviously "his game" and "his coffee" are important to him. Less obvious, is whether "she" (see number 1, supra) is important to him. Perhaps she should meditate upon the notion that his caffeine and gambling fixes are more important than his 'lovin' fix. Yoda says "man with the right addiction shall you select".

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

OK - Have at it - I can take it! Posted: 11/18/2009 7:21:45 AM
Oh, all right then. I'm in an indulgent mood this a.m., so here goes. 1. Since you feel you could use a hand, let me assist you with obtaining a firm grip upon some male psychology. And if you read innuendo in that sentence, you're getting warm. And speaking of innuendo: "I might look like your basic girl-next-door, but I do have a bit of a wild streak...get to know me and you'll see for yourself." That sentence will be read as an invitation. And do not pretend you do not know exactly what sort of invitation I'm referring to. If that's what you want to convey, no problem, just be aware of the reaction what you're writing will generate. 2. Next up: "I'm definitely the "outdoors" type - I enjoy hiking, camping, swimming and SCUBA (so if you’re into fine dining, museums, and 'NYC and all it has to offer' then we'd probably not be a good match -lol)". "I love comedies (think "Old School" and "Superbad"), and every once in a while I feel the need to feed my inner geek with a good SciFi flick. I’m also a huge fan of classic horror films." This portion of the profile is a keeper. Granted, the drafting is about as exciting as watching Keanu Reeves trying to "act", but at least we are getting a clear snapshot of what you actually like doing, and do not like doing. It's almost verges on a "first date" section, but that's useful information. Don't tell us you love Superbad. Write your profile like you were writing for Superbad II. 3. Next, this particular gem. "I'm a Jersey girl (without the accent) through and through. I like going down the shore, even if I just can get there for a day." I was not aware of this rule to the effect that everyone female from New Jersey has the same personality. Not being from NJ perhaps explains my ignorance, but what on Earth does this mean, exactly? I've seen several Kevin Smith movies, but even the female characters in those had different personalities (unlike the female characters in many if not most Hollywood movies, for example). 4. Aaaaaand this bit: "My perfect match would be kind hearted and open minded. Someone who cares about my feelings, and who I could trust with my secrets. Someone who is comfortable going out and socializing with friends every once in a while, but is just as cool with staying in and watching a movie or getting some take-out." Really? I really thought you were looking for a cruel, narrow minded sociopath who took a sadistic glee in outing your embarrassing moments and taboo desires in front of baying crowds. Someone whose aggressive contempt for your friends is matched only by his aggressive contempt for your taste in movies and take-out. In all seriousness, this section is a bit of a yawner. Your taste in men may be very average, and there's nothing wrong with that...but that section is duller than Keanu trying to act. If you sat down to write a description than 99.58% of the male population could read and fit themselves into (at least in their own heads) you could not have succeeded better. 5. The following portion is better. "My type of guy is the clean-cut, all American type. I'm not really into the motorcycle thing, actually - bikes scare the daylight out of me -lol. I really like men who don't take themselves too seriously, someone who can laugh at themselves." I get it. Being forcibly kidnapped and tossed over a Harley by a heavily tattoo'ed Hells Angel, followed by 'love on a pool table' back at the clubhouse, is too scary even for your fantasy life. Tell us more about the guy you actually want, rather than some carbon-copy rom-com Prince Boring. Think of past boyfriends: why was X desirable, what made Y fun, and put that in here. 6. And the penultimate line: "I'm extremely friendly, have a great kid, a nice job, a great group of girlfriends and a supportive family." Good for you, great for him, nice to know we won't be paying for everything, we're hopefully interested in dating you not them, and whoop de do. None of this stuff is really what would set you apart or make you particularly appealing as a date, mate or temporary pool-table love interest. 7. In closing... There's only one thing missing from my life...maybe I'll find it here... Well, if Prince Boring is what's missing, this line is off to a good start. Seriously, the guys who wrote the remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still could do a better job than that, and so can you. If you have to, steal something out of Superbad or Adventureland. Ah, who am I kidding, you'd think I was under the impression guys read Playboy for the articles. Post a full body shot of yourself in something fire engine red and tight, and filter the stream of messages to cull the ones that feature wedding tackle, inarticulate grammar or offers to trade s*x for drugs, and you'll be fine.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

why is he leading me on? Posted: 11/11/2009 7:00:15 AM
Sure, I'll run with THIS premise. 1. He has spoken to a constitutional lawyer, who has informed him that now that the prohibition on gay marriage has been struck down, the prohibition on polygamy is next. In other words, his intentions are strictly honorable. In a hijab/shariah kind of sense. 2. His wife "doesn't understand him" and he needs "emotional intimacy". And he has some Florida real estate/GM stock/U.S. government bonds he's hoping you're interested in. 3. Whoever told you he was married was lying and wants him for herself. You are being had, but not by him. 4. This guy and his wife have a well-publicized "open relationship". When I say "well-publicized", I mean that everyone knows about it. Well, almost everyone. You're in the loop now, we're still waiting on his wife.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 58 (view)

How is Having Unprotected Sex NOT Trying to Get Pregnant? Posted: 11/11/2009 6:32:46 AM
Well, the filmmaker Mike Judge has already explored the long term consequences of this particular trend. The film is called "Idiocracy" and it's available on DVD. (Full Disclosure: this poster has no relationship, financial or otherwise, with Mike Judge.) If you just accept a few basic premises, you can see where we are headed. 1. Basic intelligence is substantially heritable. There is a lot of variation, nutrition and environment can also have huge effects, but there's a genetic component. Breed two dumb people, get dumb children. Breed two smart people, get smart children. Breed a dumb person and a smart person, get (fill in punchline of your choice here). 2. Proper use of contraception requires (1) an appreciation of consequences and a capacity for taking practical action in the present to plan for the future, (2) a willingness to take that action, (3) somewhat more basic intelligence than tying one's shoes, so as to figure out how to use the contraception (Grover says roll the sock onto the banana, kids). 3. People who lack 2(1), 2(2) or 2(3) will have more children than those who have all of those three qualities. Yes people, the soap opera of the future will be the Young & the Reckless. Don't bother paying up your RRSPs and 401K's. In the future, math will be "hard", and while the National Deficit will more accurately refer to grey matter, it will be better known as a ska-core band.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Do i move on and settle for 2nd best? Posted: 11/11/2009 5:44:12 AM
Oh, I love dichotomies. So manichean, so black-and-white, right-and-wrong, true-believer-or-infidel, with-us-or-against-us, Republican-or-Democrat. "Do i wait for him or do i settle for 2nd best?" So you (1) talk on the phone and online for 11 months, (2) you met each others parents, friends, and extended family in the following months, and yet (3) after 11 days he left to go back home, during which he talks about marrying you, then shifts to how he does not have enough time to accomplish his financial goals and needs "me time" to "figure out his place" (presumably before his basic training??!!?-- his place is going to be jogging up and down a muddy hill with a backpack full of rocks for the next three months or whatever) then (4) does not call or contact for 2 weeks. Seriously, if this guy qualifies as the "best", now you have a wide field of delicious studly candidates, such as: -Liars/Cheaters -Daily pot smokers -Dirty, smelly coffee shop poets -Alcoholic barflies -Possessive types -Women haters -Men old enough to be your Dad -Your Dad -Anyone else in your family, including the remains of your dead grandfather -Lawyers (I'm allowed to say that one...go sue me.) -People who can't spell and refuse to use spell check -Negative, angry types -Politicians/the criminally insane -Smokers who pretend to be non-smokers -Vain, self-centered artists/Drama queens/Closet gays -Guys who always get dumped and can't figure out why -Those for whom dental hygeine is a "challenge" -Polygamists -Republicans -Anyone with that sht-eating fetish/Men who have sx with animals -Any man who ever liked 98 Degrees -Misers/Bankrupts/Freeloaders/Scammers -Mama's Boys -Egomaniacs -S*x addicts -Infantile men who blame everyone else for their problems -Tax Prosecution Defendants -Anyone in any kind of tribute band

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 55 (view)

Condoning Atheism. Posted: 11/10/2009 12:20:12 PM
Notwithstanding my own atheism, I'm all for a fair and balanced portrait of religions and the consequences of religious belief. 1. The religious have no monopoly on horrific mass violence. The regimes of the former Soviet Union, Khmer Rouge Cambodia, and the current People's Republic of China, have engaged in horrific acts of mass violence, which were quite specifically motivated by their militant atheism. The same could be said of virtually every religion I have looked at seriously. 2. With respect, OpenHeart928, it is difficult to take the following claim seriously: "Nothing in the Bible -- taken as a whole and in context -- says to go out and kill, start wars, etc." The first problem is that you are arbitrarily determining what "as a whole" and "in context" means. The second problem is that your claim is just inaccurate. Let me cite Deuteronomy 25: "17 “Remember what Amalek did to you on the way as you came out of Egypt, 18 how he attacked you on the way when you were faint and weary, and cut off your tail, those who were lagging behind you, and he did not fear God. 19 Therefore when the Lord your God has given you rest from all your enemies around you, in the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance to possess, you shall blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven; you shall not forget." The fighting is mentioned again in Judges 3:13, in the Judgeship of Ehud, and again under Gideon, as the Amalekites allied with the Midianites (Judges 6:3, 6:33, 7:12). This enmity is also the background of the command of the Lord to Saul: "2 Thus says the Lord of hosts, ‘I have noted what Amalek did to Israel in opposing them on the way when they came up out of Egypt. 3 Now go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey." (1 Sam. 15:2-3). Later on, we have Saul punished for not having completed the genocide of the Amalekites down to the last man, woman, infant and domestic animal. (Actually, I'm not quite sure why the Amalekite goats got off scot-free, but the L_rd moves in mysterious ways, I'm told.) Since you insist on context, please explain for our benefit: what is the context in which we should read this very explicit mandate for Total Genocide of an ethnic group, right down to their domestic animals? What response would you have to an Israeli militant who insists the Palestinians are "Amalekites" and it's time to get on with G_d's work? Now, let me be accused of hammering on Judaism and Christianity (both religions consider this text (or at least its original version) authoritative), similar material can be found in the "sacred" texts of many religions. This is just an extreme example. The insistence on "context" accomplishes nothing. Most religious texts are obvious palimpsests of wildly divergent texts written at different places and times, by different individuals, with no obvious reason for why they are put together, other than fiat. Observant Muslims, by the way, consider what I just wrote to be heresy of the worst sort in reference to the Qu'ran, which according to every version of Islam with which I am familiar, is considered to be the divinely inspired work of one single individual, notwithstanding that vast passages of it look like they've been plagiarized from other works. I gather the general Muslim answer is that the other works were corrupted over time. Muslims tend to get rather uncomfortable when asked whether they are personally confident about the accuracy of the isnads of the various hadith which they consider authoritative or not. Typically, anger at the line of questioning tends to end rational discussion. And I personally find Islam to be among the most rationalistic of faiths, notwithstanding it's distorted image in Western media. EDIT POST: Wait, in the Muslims' defence, I forgot the insistence that the Prophet was supposedly illiterate. (Not sure that that's explicitly stated anywhere in the divinely-inspired/dictated-by-an-angel Qu'ran. I suspect it's a hadith. Q.E.D.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Whats it like being single over 30? Posted: 11/10/2009 11:33:27 AM
It's hard to separate life into hermetic compartments. How am I supposed to say, this part of my life is due to being single, that part of my life is there, single or not. It's also a hypothetical-- I'm being asked to imagine what being in a relationship would change in my life, without specifying the person that I'd be in a relationship with. One thing I do notice is that the women in my age group generally seem a lot less "open", for lack of a better word. This is a gross overgeneralization, and not intended to be a negative comment. A few examples help. 1. They may be professionals (no, the other kind of professionals, you dirty minded types) or have time-demanding jobs and getting together at all is a game of scheduling. Not complaining about this, it's my problem also. 2. Having hit 30, if they're never-married, they are on a very unsubtle biological/social clock. If you're not very enthusiastic out the gate on the subject of marriage/kids, you're very quickly written off. The problem with this is that it makes a relationship feel rushed, like you're on a committment timetable. Finding out if someone's the right person takes time, like it or not. 3. If they have previous marriages or L/T relationships, ex-bf and/or ex-husband drama enters the picture. No matter what, you're compared to the ex-. Sometimes that's a good thing...depending. If they have kids, you now have to be acceptable to the kids as well. 4. Money matters. It's the final taboo to even discuss it, but if you don't make more than she does, you're yesterday's news. Job loss, for example, becomes an e-ticket to dumpsville. Seen plenty of examples-- the more vociferously it's denied, the more obvious it becomes. With both older and younger women, these issues tend to disappear. With the younger ones, #1 is rarely a problem yet. With the older ones, they tend to be more secure in their jobs/positions, so this comes up less. As for #2, if they've done the marriage-and-divorce thing, the pressure is off. Same is true if they're in their early or mid twenties-- plenty of time left. The kids/ex drama tends to disappear once the kids are past a certain age, or the previous relationship was a while ago. However, the pet drama enters the picture. You must be acceptable to Fluffy, or you are yesterday's news. As for #4, the older ones either have their own money or never really cared about it. The younger ones basically enjoy recreational dating they could not pay for themselves, but it does not really go beyond that, because relatively few have really contemplated the damage going on maternity leave or taking a few years off to be with the kids does to a conventional career track.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

do i come across as being a slut?! Posted: 11/10/2009 7:15:02 AM
Oh, it's all in the profession entry. If you put in "if you want to know ask", we assume you're an escort. And besides, we can see two inches of cleavage. And your hair is uncovered, you brazen harlot. Seriously, it's not you. I see more skin on every third woman I pass on the street, and it's November. This is just wish-fulfillment on the part of the guys contacting you. They're hoping you're just looking for sex. Mr. Block is your friend.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Nice guys vs. Players. How do I tell the difference? Posted: 11/10/2009 6:52:50 AM
I'll try to keep the volume on the wisecracks down to a 180 decibels, because it's a fair question. 1. Ipso facto, none of us are "getting it right", because we are on here. If we were "getting it right", we wouldn't need the site. Q.E.D. 2. "Please help me to understand what men want." The same thing that women want: a member of the opposite sex who already knows and thus does not have to ask. 3. You aren't looking for a "nice" guy. You "say" you are looking for a "nice" guy but that's just a convenient, non-descriptive label for refusing to admit what you're actually looking for. The dominant cultural motif is that men are simple, and women complex. Once you get past the surface complexity, women are simple. Once you get beyond the surface simplicity, men are complex. 4. The players do not care if you are looking for a player or not. They do not actually care what you are looking for, beyond the surface level of presenting themselves as what you are looking for. Do not bother trying to manipulate your presentation of self around warning them off or trying to avoid attracting them: those behaviours will only attract them. Like asking for "no liars", it only advertises that someone else has successfully lied to you. 5. In answer to your practical question: clothed full body shots for the public profile, "sexy" shots sent to the guys you have actually arranged a date with. Simple enough?

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Finally Updated My Profile Posted: 11/6/2009 9:14:15 AM
Sometimes being honest and not cruel is actually easy, as in this case. 1. Lose the shot with Mr. Blurryface draped over you. It is not helping. 2. As an attorney you receive zero latitude for idiosyncratic spelling. "Straightforward" is one word. "Open minded" are two words. Or one word, if you use the optional hyphen. 3. Your closing is the weakest part of your profile by a wide margin. One reading of it has you being very, very banal. Another reading of it is that you're apologizing in advance for rejecting us. We get it, you're hot and you know you're hot-- you told us that in the opening line. But there are less forbidding ways of getting that point across. I would just drop that final paragraph entirely.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

I have no idea what I'm doing Posted: 11/6/2009 8:58:38 AM
Riiight. Here we go, then. I'm occasionally, and with good reason, accused of being punctilious and didactic. I'm going to indulge that failing, again, and ask you to forgive me in advance. 1. Analysis is not a verb. 2. "I love to question the exsisitance of life, which makes me a devil's advocate." I'm pretty sure life exists. Admittedly, I could be wrong. And no, actually, it doesn't. Arguing in favour of positions on issues that you do not really believe in, for the purpose of testing and strengthening the positions that you do actually believe in, would make you a devil's advocate. Questioning the existence of life would make you a sceptic. Questioning the 'exsisitance' of life would make you a sceptic about the spell-check feature in microsoft word. 3. Personally, I keep failing the Myers-Briggs exam. I guess I should study harder. Or maybe develop a real personality, I don't know. But I'm pretty sure that means I couldn't keep up mentally with a girl like you. Seriously, that line's not all that appealing. It comes off as a bit condescending. I would drop it.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Could you give me a review? Posted: 11/6/2009 8:39:03 AM
The opening line has me a touch confused: are you recruiting dates or volunteers for the local shelter? Admirable, yes, but it has nothing to do with your dating life, unless you plan on bringing selected members of the sans-abri community along with you on the dinner date. "I am a girl." Well, to be punctilious about it, you're technically a 'woman'. And the whole paragraph is kind of unnecessary, and sounds more like an advertisement for Revlon than yourself. The numbered points really need to go. For line #1, we presume you're not going to be dating the brain-damaged, and understand that human beings are generally capable of visually estimating the height of other human beings. For line #2, you're advertising being unappealing to previous dates. Is line #3 really necessary? Some things are better left unmentioned if they're that obvious. Line #4 basically says that you'll be wearing a mining helmet to the date, an impression reinforced by the reference to being financially stable. "you NOW have an uncontrollable desire to press the "Message Ivorys_raven now" button!!" After the numbered points, really, not so much. But at least that's an original closing line. Keep it.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Ok, I'll drink the Kool-Aid! Posted: 11/6/2009 8:13:02 AM
From the handle that refers to a song about ladies rumps, to the Jonestown Kool-Aid reference, one gets a sense that you have a sense of humour that does not really come out in your profile. Write for the man you are after, not the mass audience, because the profile's blander than unflavoured tofu. Do not be afraid of offending guys: the guy you're after is the one who'll share that sense of humour. And in that vein, read this sentence again: "Do you ever feel like you are riding the same ride over and over again and eventually you realize it's just not as much fun as it use[d] to be? Well, that's me." Remember you are writing for a male audience. Read that sentence again. Then read it again, until you figure out why it had me laughing. If you're still puzzled--imagine it's your reader who is realizing something, not you. And then you'll understand why I'm telling you that you need a different opening. As for the following line, it evokes a few comments. "Having a husband is not a requirement for me; I will be happy in life either way." 1. Are we not moving a bit fast? He has not even e-mailed you yet and you are dropping the H-bomb. What's the first date going to be, a discussion of wedding table centrepieces over coffee? (Conveniently roofied so that you can drag him off to that cabin, right?) 2. You'll forgive us if we do not believe you. That's like a guy saying that keeping his coinpurse is not a requirement and he'll be happy either way. You can believe in fairy tales if you like, but you're not writing for an audience of 5 year old girls, so we're unlikely to buy it. 3. In sales, you're supposed to assume the sale. Advertising the possibility of failure rarely bodes well. How many GM ads have you seen that mention that they're bankrupt? And heed me when I ask: please, please, no fish references. Believe me when I say that a fishy odour is the last thing you want to evoke in your readers' minds. Celibate Tibetans are probably not the go-to source for s*xy material. And the quote kind of suggests, again, that you're not assuming the sale. He's choosing to be optimistic because the Largest Army On The Planet is standing in between him and that national-liberation-and-building-a-Buddhist-theocracy-in-the-21st-century-project he's got going on. There's a reason why Guns&Roses called the album "Chinese Democracy". Getting you a decent date should be a bit easier than liberating Tibet. Same goes for this line: "Even if it doesn't lead to a 2nd date, the first date still holds something special for me." Again, even AIG knows you don't advertise failure. "If it is just the two of you there might be a time when conversation starts to lag." Smells like Man Repellent to me. I'd suggest you lose this line faster than the head cheerleader loses her panties on prom night, or you'll be keeping yours on for the foreseeable future. So, in closing, jazz it up a bit, hotter sauce is in order.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Is porn ruining real live sex? Posted: 11/5/2009 7:38:58 AM
Thanks a lot. Now I have this horrible vision in my head of Oprah, Martha Stewart and Ron Jeremy acting out a pornified version of a scene from The Fast and the Furious. The Horror, the horror.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

My stipulation...too harsh? Also, is my pic too sexy? Posted: 11/4/2009 10:12:37 AM
Oh, xemilystrangex, you really do not want to give the SB license to be brutally honest. Other than referring to himself in the third person pretentious tense, the SB plays rougher than most kids. The photo is not even PG-13. In fact, it's hardly Mature-- rather like the pervs messaging you, come to think of it. Besides, the photo is struggling it's way through the cloud of Man Repellent liberally sprayed on your profile. Let's just clear the air a bit. Starting with this line: "I don't know if I have the greatest people skills. So far no relationships have worked out, not that there have been many in my life." One of the problems with not being any good at something, is that being able to tell IF you're good at something requires the same skills as being good at it in the first place. That line out of your profile says: "I am undesirable and a sh*tty girlfriend." I'm not sure if that's true, but if it is true, seriously, start lying, because a line like that has no place in a profile. Not everyone knows that working "Loss Prevention" in retail basically means you're a mall cop looking for shoplifters (correct?), so you might want to clarify that. Do not tell us you'll seem one-sided and closed off when we first meet you. Again, if that's true, start lying, or better yet, work on being less one-sided and closed off. Drinking 3 or more times a week makes you sound like you might be a lush, which is a turn-off for pretty much anyone who is not a lush also. That, combined with the frequent smoking does about as much to help your relationship prospects as it does your health prognosis. If you're just talking about one, or say two, drinks on three occasions a week, you're being too honest again, and should be calling yourself a social drinker. And in response to your original question, the "no horny talk" request, plus some other elements of the profile have you seeming cold enough to put frost on our keyboards. It's not going to make the perverts go away anyhow-- if anything, it will egg on the ones who get a kick out of making people feel uncomfortable. Just block the perverts. We also get virtually no information on what you actually want in a guy, which leaves the reader puzzled as to whether you even know what you want. So tell us, because otherwise I have a one-eyed Albanian dwarf with a cleft palate and a chronic gambling problem who needs a girlfriend, if you know what I'm saying.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

I'm great, How about my profile? Posted: 11/4/2009 9:16:50 AM
Well, nothing's wrong with downtown Detroit at 3 a.m., per se-- I must confess, I forgot to include "unarmed" in the description. Bulletproof vest, flack jacket and a well-thumbed copy of the "Police Field Guide to The Gangs of the Detroit Metropolitan Area" probably wouldn't hurt either. What's the longest bridge in the world? The Ambassador Bridge, of course. You go from Canada to Mogadishu in a single span.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

Please review my profile - feedback wanted! Posted: 11/4/2009 9:07:49 AM
The man from Winston-Salem who wants a ban on smoking in public. Seriously, that has to be some kind of punchline, I just cannot figure out what the joke would have to be. Anyhow, photos #2 and #5 really give off a "come see the nifty torture chamber I keep in my basement" kind of vibe, which your profile could do without. Women do tend to like a bit of danger in a guy, but more "Harlequin Romance pirate" kind of danger, not the disturbing-scene-out-of-Pulp-Fiction kind of danger. JLS is completely right: any reference to loneliness or desperation is a self-fulfilling prophecy. And if you do not tell the women what kind of woman you're looking for, they'll conclude you're looking for anyone, indicating that you are desperate, and therefore undesirable. And I cannot think of a good reason to use the word "brutal" anywhere in a profile.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

need help , rate my profile Posted: 11/4/2009 8:52:58 AM
So I'll go at this in a kind of impressionistic order because I'm not feeling industrious enough to compose song lyrics or really compelling wisecracks. 1. I'd be the first to admit I'm not the most streetwise person in the world, but last time I did some anthropological investigation of drug culture, "smokin kronik" was a reference to marijuana. Rather an odd choice for a profile name, given as your profile indicates you do not use drugs? 2. Along the same vein, I'd strongly suggest dropping the line that says that you can be persuaded into anything at least twice, and the business about your mouth outrunning your brain. Other than the fact that those statements are kind of inconsistent with describing yourself as bullheaded, they suggest that the sort of things you could be persuaded into might include, for example, (a) sharing your account number with a former Nigerian government official who needs help with a temporary jam, (b) "experimenting" with things other than marijuana, (c) "experimenting" with women other than the one you're dating, and (d) purchasing stock in General Motors. 3. Paragraphs, spelling, punctuation and capitalization are your friends. Run your profile through a spell-check, capitalize "I" wherever it is used in isolation, divide your run-on sentences into short, one-topic sentences and divide your text into a new paragraph whenever you change your subject matter. 4. Tell the ladies what kind of lady you are looking to date. If you do not do this, you are basically opening yourself up for approaches from basically anyone, including the wildly unsuitable. 5. Judging by your profile, you are both "Caucasian" and old enough to drink legally. This means that rapspeak such as "old skool" is now officially off-limits, because Eminem's job is already taken. If he starts threatening to retire, we'll let you know. In closing, good luck, and thank you for refraining from any references to fish, fishing, 'fishes', casting a line, baiting a hook, using a lure or putting on hip waders anywhere in your profile. I'm starting a petition to have this guy's ( ) immigration status revoked so that he can be sent back to the land of blue balls. Which is where any guy who uses fishing references in his profile belongs, come to think of it.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

I'm great, How about my profile? Posted: 11/4/2009 8:19:35 AM
Well, to start off, we aren't waiting with bated breath for the release of your next gangsta-rap single, where you'll regale us with trippy tales of getting crunked, dodging shank-wielding sistas in the joint and mackin' hard on brothas with money. So unless your future travel plans include, say, downtown Detroit at 3:00 a.m. on foot, we can drop the rapspeak "hood", thanks. And as for the Halloween shot, you really do not want to read me guessing. Trust me when I say that the lighting in the shot ain't flattering. Do everything that canam miles is telling you to do, his advice is spot-on. The line he calls good, really ought to be your opening line.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

How many times ? Posted: 10/31/2009 9:52:36 AM
O.k. amylynnsing, do you seriously think that you are reducing your chances of running into Ted Bundy wanna-be's by insisting on several e-mails before you meet up? A detailed email history might conceivably help the cops locate you after you've been haled off by some deranged perv to a scene out of Pulp Fiction, but prevent it beforehand? Not so much. And seriously, if you've never had a b/f you just liked instantly, maybe you need to date a higher calibre of guy, or something. Just because some random Beavis has the recklessness to ask you out at the risk of having what's left of his self-respect stomped like a wineglass at a Hollywood wedding, does not mean you have to actually date him.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

What is it about men? Posted: 10/31/2009 9:23:45 AM
Let me go out on a limb here and advance a really crazy, off-the-wall hypothesis: "Finleyville is a borough in Washington County, Pennsylvania, United States, named for John Finley. It was built at the junction of Brownsville Road (now Pennsylvania Route 88 ) and the 'Washington Road' from Cox's Fort to Catfish Camp, now Washington, Pennsylvania.[1] It was originally known as "Rowgalley".[2] It is in the Peters Creek watershed. The population was 459 at the 2000 census." --Courtesy of Someone Who Likes Wikipedia And Has Time On His Hands Say, cupcake417, do you suppose that the locale in which you live might have an influence on the personal style of the guys who live there? Just a thought.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Why Do Men Write in Their Profile..FRIENDS FIRST and Then WANT SEX so QUICKLY? Posted: 10/31/2009 9:11:37 AM
"Do men not want a good woman? An emotionally stable woman? Financially secure, great heart? Well educated, high self esteem? Low maintenance, Someone who is everyone's best friend and could be yours too? What is it?" Actually, I like my women just like I like my coffee: dark and bitter. I'd prefer if they were emotional train wrecks: keeps things interesting. As for financially secure, I'll take "spent the rent money on lingerie again and hoping I'll help out". I've rarely met a well-educated woman with high self-esteem, they're usually more emotionally battered than war zone refugees, what with the highly educated guys passing them over for***ail waitresses with well rounded derrieres. Stunned to realize PhD also stands for Please Help Date me. As for low maintenance, c'mon, everyone needs to feel wanted. What is it? Seriously, how old are you and you have not got dudes figured out yet? They want "all that" and* for you to take a ride on their disco sticks on a semi-regular basis. When the bow chicka wow wow base line kicks in and you're not down for the nasty, they start wondering whether you watch the same kind of movies they do. They're just not into an endless round of wining, dining and romancing without sealing the deal, because let's face it, you aren't sitting on a gold mine. And lets get real here, if what you're trying to do is filter for the guy that's not going to vanish after you selfishly use his body for your own entertainment, waiting until date 7 is not a method that is going to work. If you want celibacy thrust upon you, on the other hand, it's pretty effective. Not that you'll bother taking my opinion into consideration anyhow, anything anyone reads that does not immediately accord with their preconceived notions is about as welcome as George W. Bush at a Take Back The Night rally.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Have at it... Posted: 10/28/2009 7:19:03 AM
I so rarely foray into reviews of guys' profiles. Too much intellectual combat with the unarmed, you see. Not sporting. Here, we see an interest in "derivatives" and "prediction markets". Well, without being overly derivative, here's a prediction. "Tanned asses", "being shirtless", "hot as balls weather" and "couch laying" will do much better if you change the gender of the love interest you are seeking. If you insist on dating women, well...lets say they convey the same maturity and depth that the scribbles on the photo do. Seriously, man, you're not Homer Simpson or a Bavarian brew-master: beer is a beverage, not an "interest". EDIT: And one final thought: the screen name: "coinpurse". Please-- how many references to your anatomy does one profile really need? "Coinpurse"...really. Beavis is on the line, he wants his sense of humour back.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Help I sense something is wrong but I am not sure what Posted: 10/28/2009 7:07:05 AM
As a bit of a springboard off another poster's point, my personal understanding is that in Ontario, a "Graduate" degree means (roughly speaking) the same thing that it means in the U.S. In other words, you have completed an Undergraduate degree (a B.A., a B.Sc., B.F.A. and so forth) followed by a Graduate degree, such as an M.B.A., M.F.A., M.Sc. and so forth. Although some Ontario law faculties are following the ridiculous and self-important trend towards labelling a law degree as a Juris Doctor, it's really an undergraduate degree that tends to be taken by many who already have another undergraduate degree, making it in practice something close to a Graduate degree. In any event, unless you have spent roughly 6 years in an actual university and have a minimum of two pieces of sheepskin with your name on them, you do not have a Graduate degree. Technically, yes, you could have gone to university at 17 and finished an undergraduate degree in three years with a heavy courseload followed by ramming your way through a grad school at an accelerated pace but I doubt it. I would also drop the business about Jeff Gordon's promotion to divinity. Guys do not really enjoy competing with your idealized image of some celebrity-- even if they like NASCAR, which I understand is that thing where men with mullets drive powered-up muscle cars around and around in a circle and occasionally die in flaming multi-vehicle pile-ups. Tom Cruise did a terrible "movie" about it once, if I recall correctly. Other than that, the profile is pretty good. Run it though a spell-check, as there are some errors. Oh, and one final quibble: It's "Nuit Blanche", with an 'e' please.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

Ready to wade in again Posted: 10/28/2009 6:45:15 AM
You know someone had to say it. You were waiting for it, even. "Lawyer (toxic waste)"-- wow, talk about a loophole you could drive a Mack truck through. I'll skip the joke you're anticipating and merely ask: for or against? Is the Habitat for Humanity work guilty compensation or a smooth blend of professional, personal and political (i.e. the left-wing P3)? "admit when I'm wrong."-- clearly you are not in litigation. "I'm a pacifist with imperfect success and practice random acts of kindness." Arg. Random acts of kindness that do not include refraining from tired metaphors. You were doing so well right up to that line and the list of mottos. Let me give you my favorite bit of Latin, one that should sound familiar: Nemo dat quod non habet. And to those gentle readers who were never subjected to the psychological abuse of the so-called "Socratic" method, no, it has nothing to do with Disney movies with submarines and sea monsters. 'Ya can't sell what ya don't own' is pretty close. And what do I mean? Originality, please. Whether you're ripping Descartes, Socrates, or some anonymous hack writer that slaves for Hallmark greeting cards, it's still ripping, and the rest of your profile demonstrates that you can do a lot better than that. In all seriousness, the profile is vastly better written than 89.56% of what we read on here. It would be vastly better written than 99.56% of what we read on here if you would excise every metaphor, motto, saying, aphorism, pseudo-haiku or offhand comment attributable to anyone better known than Hervé Villechaise from the profile and replace them all with stuff you came up with yourself, because you are obviously a capable writer.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

why doesnt he want to see me again? Posted: 10/27/2009 3:59:31 PM
Gotta love it. This thread is like the worst kind of inadvertent dating advice. Let's paraphrase: 5 point plan for getting a woman wired on you. 1. Date woman 1. 2. Go on a date with woman 2, conveniently omit to mention woman 1. 3. Sleep with woman 2 on the first date. 4. Dump woman 1. 5. B.S. woman 2. Seriously, OP, do you really want to be 'told it straight'? Hi my name is (insert name), and I'll be your hmp n' dmp artist for the evening.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Why would the Ex be checking me out? Posted: 10/27/2009 3:52:25 PM
Why would he view your profile knowing you'd easily find out? Um, maybe because he wanted you to notice? And, say, think about it? Maybe, attract your attention to it? Get you to, say, start threads about it? Or, maybe, he's got early stage Alzheimers and forgot who you were, but has pretty consistent taste in women. Just a thought.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 74 (view)

Government control of private business..... Posted: 10/27/2009 8:53:41 AM
In respectful response to Paul K's statement: "I guess you must be in the majority of people who have never even been in the same room as a copy of the US Consititution. The US Consititution is a document that gives the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT what powers it has. NOWHERE does it say that the executive branch, that would be the president, can hire and fire and set salaries for private enterprise. In the Bill of Rights, which was concomitant to the Constitution, the 10th amnedment gives all powers not delegated to the US by the Constitution, to the states, or to the people. Article 2 of the Constitution lays out what powers the president has. Notice that the Consititution is a document that gives certain entities power, and if they are not enumerated in the Constitution..... THEY AREN'T THERE." Permit me to reiterate and paraphrase. 1. The Supreme Court of the U.S. happens to be in what you describe as the minority of people who spend a considerable amount of time in the same room as a copy of the U.S. Constitution-- offhand, roughly, almost every single one of their working days since their individual appointments. 2. Article I, Section 8, Clause 3 gives the Federal Congress the power to pass laws regulating commerce. Article II, Section 3 gives the President the duty to execute those laws. 3. United States v. Lopez, rendered by a U.S. Supreme Court bench dominated by, yes, Republican appointees, clearly stated that Congress's commerce authority includes the power to regulate those activities having a substantial relation to interstate commerce. I have not read on this forum any response to refute this argument. Permit me the egotism of believing that the absence of refutation is due to the fact that this argument is correct. Again, if you disagree, feel free to follow the link (http://www.law.cornell.edu/rules/frcp/) to the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure and challenge Obama's actions yourself. What Obama is doing is legal, and F.D.R.'s New Deal even demonstrates past precedent for this sort of action. I do not particularly agree with many actions he has taken. Failed corporations do not deserve bailouts at the taxpayers' expense. It encourages moral hazard: act as recklessly as you like. If you fail, the public will foot the bill. But my disapproval is not writ of law.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

when meeting guys online, am I talking too much? Posted: 10/27/2009 7:10:14 AM
Oh, demondingleberry, you have such a limited view of human potential. Mind reading at a distance is not nearly as difficult as you're making it out to be. As a small wise animatronic puppet in a bathrobe once said, "there is no try, only do", so just focus in on his mind at a distance. You have to start with reading the OP's mind first, because she's the only one who knows which guy she's talking about. It's sort of like a conference call. (static). "Oh, the talking has stopped. My brain hurts. Hours of jumping through verbal hoops to prove that I am worthy of merely meeting her for coffee? Imagine the first date...does she show up with a relationship GMAT test for me to fill out? Or is it more like a tax return. Line 4309, enter your credit rating, line 4310, enter the number of dates you expect prior to any PG-13 rated activity, line 4311 enter the number of inches you are above 6', if under 6', enter negative number, line 4312 multiply 4309 by 4310 by 4311..." You get the picture. Talk less. Meet more. End of lesson, padawan learner.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

I think he is comited to me. I am right? Posted: 10/27/2009 6:53:51 AM
People, people, let's just tone the hostility down, 180 decibels is a bit loud over merely idiosyncratic spelling. O.k., idiosyncratic spelling and grammar. Fine, idiosyncratic spelling, grammar and logic. loren321, does this man have a job? You spend every weekend with him, and speak to him on the phone every day. Let's imagine, hypothetically speaking, that he was dating someone you did not know about. Where would he find the time? Oh, scratch all of that. Quit thinking (I'll spare you any snarky comments as to why) and just ask him. Revolutionary concept, I know, maybe a bit scary, but try it out.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Turned off then turned on again?? Posted: 10/27/2009 6:28:38 AM
O.k., since the SB is in the business of answering questions (and referring to himself in the third person), here goes. Q. "I need to know why he can't just be honest with me." A. Well, let's suppose, rhetorically, for a moment, that he was to tell you something like this. "Hi (insert name here), I'm (insert name here). I'll go on a few dates with you and tell you what I'm pretty sure you want to hear, but I'll be condescending about it, just to give you the impression that I'm all that. If you refuse to limbo under the bar of self-respect and give it up A.S.A.P., I will stand you up as not-so-subtle punishment for your temerity. I won't even bother coming up with creative excuses-- I mean, how many limbs can my mom injure, how many times can my grandmother die, and how many times can my dog eat my homework? When you do limbo under that bar (or rather, limbo under me) I solemnly promise to be an underwhelming lover, because, hey, let's keep it real here, so long as I'm promising repeat performances, you'll take a rain-check on that big O. Once I'm sure I've got you on the hook for as much booty as I like, I'll be turning off my cell the next night, while I answer the Categorical Imperative of Pursuing New Booty." Now, if, hypothetically speaking, he looked like, well, depending on your taste, Hugh Jackman, Jude Law, Denzel Washington and so forth, none of that speech would matter because you'd be hearing blablablablabla and thinking "please tear my clothing off now." Presuming that he does not look like any of those aforementioned individuals, I'm not sure honesty would have been his best policy. The Coles Notes version is that you can do better than Captain Norgasm.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Never had a problem like this one before Posted: 10/25/2009 6:36:53 PM
Offhand, the only thing that stands out are the really restrictive age limits you have on whom can message you. 36 to 48? So ten years younger is o.k., but more than two years older is not? Like it or not, and although this is changing somewhat, most men tend to date women younger than themselves. This leaves you with a two-year age range-- not a lot, considering your other requirements, personal compatibility and the like. Keep in mind that anyone outside those age ranges you have ruled out--categorically. They cannot even message you. And rhetorically speaking, if a guy was 49 but otherwise your ideal mate-- you have ruled him out categorically. If I was to do anything to improve your chances, go a decade older at the limit and a decade younger at the limit. If looks is what you're filtering for, there are plenty of guys at 36 who look 46, and at 56 who look 46, it's not so much chronological age as it is fitness, health, and self-maintenance.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Can men and women still get to know each other as friends Posted: 10/25/2009 6:26:09 PM
Well, your post is ambiguous, nevar20. Are you talking about him "friend-zoning" you, or you "friend-zoning" him, or mutually? If it's him friend-zoning you, and you're unhappy about it, that "friendship" is not likely to go well, because it's obvious that you have an unrequited desire for him. The converse is true if you friend-zone him. It's obvious to both that he wants more, but is not going to get it. Recipe for unhappiness-- hang around and watch the woman you want date some other guys? Sure, that'll happen. Now if it's mutual, then the friendship can actually work. Here, I mean, really mutual, as opposed to one person pretending it's mutual to be able to save face/ego. But most of the time it's not really mutual, that's the thing.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

Stripping and relationship.... Posted: 10/25/2009 6:16:30 PM
Wait a second, kissmekindsir, you are equating ccktail waitresses...with sx workers? Er, aren't you a waitress? So if you bring someone a beer...that makes you different from a ccktail waitress...well, how, exactly? Because of what you are wearing? I'm trying to be as restrained as possible here, but one look at the photos up on your profile indicates that they are far more revealing than anything I've ever seen a ccktail waitress wearing. You can probably guess I'm not a Christian, per se. But I do recall there being some verses in there about judging others. Verses that could maybe do with a review?

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Confused agnostic. Posted: 10/25/2009 6:00:00 PM
Actually, Light Storm, scholarship is very divided over just whom could have written what, when it comes to the Torah/Old Testament. It is rather difficult to maintain, for example, that Moses could have written Deuteronomy 34, as it purports to be an account of Moses climbing up Mount Nebo, having a conversation with G-d, dying at G-d's word, and being buried (by G-d? by himself? by others?-- the account is totally unclear). It is difficult to believe that Moses wrote that particular account. (Roughly as difficult as it is to believe in a burning bush speaking to someone, but anyhow...). And if, for example, identifiable elements of the text itself are to be uses as a basis for the hypothesis that the author was one single person, then it would have to follow that that person was not Moses, but someone writing afterwards-- possibly centuries afterwards. It is completely uncertain whom exactly wrote Exodus, or if it was even one person rather than several. I rather doubt it could be established with any degree of certainty that Moses ever actually existed at all, as a particular individual. Of course, people with particular religious beliefs will insist that he did, but they do so because they believe their religions require that belief-- which is not the same thing as evidence. There is considerable evidence, textual and otherwise, to suggest that the ancient Israelites spent several centuries with polytheistic belief systems that were later suppressed. Ex hypothesi, what would be the necessity for all the stern language about G-d, H-shem or whatever being the only god, if that was already understood and uncontested?

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 49 (view)

Government control of private business..... Posted: 10/25/2009 5:23:03 PM
In response to Paul K: If I have understood your claims or concerns correctly, you are of the view that at least some of the actions which Obama has taken in dealing with various corporations 'post-bailout' are contrary to the U.S. Constitution. I rather suspect that you are politically hostile to Obama, but whether the actions he has taken in this regard are economically and/or politically astute or foolish really has nothing to do with their legality. You are quite correct that the Federal government of the U.S. is a government of enumerated powers. Enumerated powers that include Article I, Section 8, Clause 3, the "Commerce" clause, which provides that Congress shall have the power: "To regulate commerce with foreign nations, and among the several states, and with the Indian tribes". Even the Rehnquist Supreme Court, which was generally hostile to the expansion of Federal power at the expense of the power of the several states, in United States v. Lopez, recognized that there are at least three broad categories that the commerce clause permits the Federal government to regulate. First, Congress may regulate the use of the channels of interstate commerce. Second, Congress is empowered to regulate and protect the instrumentalities of interstate commerce, or persons or things in Interstate Commerce, even though the threat may come only from intrastate activities; Finally, Congress's commerce authority includes the power to regulate those activities having a substantial relation to interstate commerce (i.e., those activities that substantially affect interstate commerce). Others may beg to differ, but it seems rather obvious that the bailouts of GM, AIG etc. quite clearly constitute regulating persons or things in interstate commerce. Article II, Section 3 gives the president the duty to see to the faithful execution of the laws. There is also a rather obvious past precedent for these kind of actions on the part of the President, more specifically, the actions taken by Franklin Delano Roosevelt in the 1930's, over the course of the so-called New Deal. Moreover, I do not think that anyone would seriously contend that there is anything in the U.S. Constitution that would bar the Federal government from owning property. Shares in a corporation are property that give the owners of those shares things like voting rights. If the Federal government is the controlling shareholder of a corporation, it has the same rights and powers that any other controlling shareholder has, including control over who will be voted onto (or off of) the board of directors of that corporation. GM can no more say "we're not going to do what you want" than it could to any other controlling shareholder. But if you still think you're right, Paul K, then file suit in Federal Court against the actions that irk you. I'm sure you could find people in the Republican Party that would fund such a suit.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

How long is too long? Posted: 10/22/2009 10:07:21 AM
You're making things waaay more complicated than they are. Your ages are irrelevant. The length of time you've both been divorced is irrelevant. Your past spouses' addiction histories are irrelevant. You know what you want. He either wants what you want, or he does not. The only way to find out is to actually communicate with him, and be prepared to accept the answer either way, and act accordingly. You can't always get what you want. Sometimes you settle for less than what you want, because that is better than your alternative. Sometimes he'll settle for something other than what he really wants, because that is better than his alternative. Sometimes what he wants will change.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

im in love with a guy should i tell him Posted: 10/22/2009 9:44:19 AM
"what do i do to get him to forgive me and listen to what i have to say?" Here is a five point plan that will work flawlessly. 1. Attend at your local lingerie shop and purchase the most outré outfit you can find. And when I state outré, do not think Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Think truck stop h**ker with clear plastic stilettos. Don outfit, and place overcoat on top for public acceptability. 2. Attend at liquor store and purchase bottle of tequila. 3. Attend at his yard, outside his dorm room/barracks, at his residence. 4. Consume tequila. And when I state consume, I mean all of it. Or as much as your system can handle without (ahem). 5. Drunk dial your love interest. Tell him you are in his yard. Begin screaming his praises as a lover, describing various acts you did, and acts you want to do. Be creative. Flash passers-by, mime various acts with the tequila bottle. Insist that you will perform said acts with his friends, family members, random passers-by, unless he comes down to get you. Insist at 80 decibels that his Johnson is so good that it cures cancer. Seriously, woman, you have about the same chance of getting back with this guy that John Demjanjuk has of getting off with a littering charge in a courtroom in Tel Aviv.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

I haven't met any of his friends Posted: 10/22/2009 9:13:09 AM
"Yes we are exclusive. We had that talk a month ago." Er, in that case, why does your profile state that you are seeking a man for long term? I mean, there's one red flag. I guess it's hard to see it when you're the one waving it? And you've been dating him for a couple of months and have yet to see him on a weekend? That's...odd. As for not meeting his friends, a few thoughts come to mind: 1. His friends include guys who are much better looking, more charismatic, and so forth, who have an "all's fair in the war that is love" kind of attitude to girlfriend-theft. 2. His friends include one woman who is better looking, more charismatic, and so on, than yourself, and others who have a "not all is fair in the war that is love" attitude to boyfriend-theft. The first woman, would be the woman behind whose back he is seeing you. 3. You are very embarassing in public for some reason we do not know about yet. 4. He is very embarassing in public for some reason we do not know about yet. 5. 4, and he has very few friends to meet.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Is it bad to compramise our values? Posted: 10/22/2009 7:04:51 AM
Well, there are lies...and then there are dmn lies...and then there are statistics. Let me give you a few examples. Lie 1: No, you don't look fat in those jeans. Lie 2: It's not you, it's me. Lie 3: I'll call you. Dmn Lie 1: Of course there will not be strippers at the party. Dmn Lie 2: Yeah, he is an ex-, but he's just a friend. Dmn Lie 3: I'll be out of town on business. Statistic 1: Oh, that's just a pimple. (STD rates = statistics). Statistic 2: I'm sure it's yours. (Paternity fraud rates = statistics). Statistic 3: Of course I'm not married. (Divorce stats speak for themselves). I'll put up with lies. D*mn lies and statistics are where I draw the line.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

I'm 22, does my profile make me seem pretentious? Posted: 10/21/2009 8:12:59 AM
Seriously, ron5000, I'm 15 years older than the OP, so I'm including myself.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Having 2 cellphones Posted: 10/21/2009 8:06:32 AM
I'll just play the ingenue here and assume that the OP must be talking about someone other than her husband, or, heaven forfend, herself. Because her profile indicates that she is single. That minor quibble out of the way, kept "secretly" from whom? One must presume, secretly from the other spouse. Or, rather, that it was kept secret from the other spouse. Unless it's the OP's phone we're talking about...whoops, back with the dark assumptions again. A few reasons spring to mind: 1. It's not his phone. Someone left it there. 2. You have not read the calling history in it just yet, or dialed those numbers, so it's not immediately obvious. 3. Hubby works for Mossad/CIA/NSA etc. alphabet soup/double life kind of stuff. 4. Better off ensuring drug dealer does not use family phone number. 5. Like #4, but read "bookie" for drug dealer. 6. Like #5, but read "mistress". 7. Like #6, but read "hookers". 8. Like #7, but read "victims of fraudulent telemarketing scam". 9. Like #8, but read "divorce lawyer". 10. Like #9, but read "offshore bank account trustee". The possibilities are endless, really.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Intuition vs Paranoia? Posted: 10/21/2009 7:52:21 AM
Absolutely impossible. The slightest questioning of our motives, coupled with your marital status, clearly indicates major and irremediable mental issues. You are hereby branded for life as the "hot but nutty chick", and yes, it will be appearing on your credit report. Kudos on (presumably inadvertently) correct usage of the term "assignation", by the way, although I still suspect you meant to say "assassination". But I do not see in your profile where you have supposedly made it clear that you have no intention of ever remarrying again. And although this is off-topic, it is sort of related: do not judge individuals by what others have done. It's one thing to presume a guy might be a player because he's good looking-- until he proves otherwise. It is another thing to presume a guy is a player because other good looking guys you've dated turned out to be players. For every one that supposedly "proved" that the thought was right, there is probably another who would have "disproved" it had you thought about his example rather than just putting your focus on the negative experiences. Again, judge people based on what they do as individuals, not based on what other people have done.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

Advice About Profile Wanted Posted: 10/21/2009 7:21:33 AM
"I know, I know...I should have a big, beaming smile with a close range head shot and a full body photo and probably a scanned copy of all my vaccinations and lifetime lab work. My bad." One of the very few self-referential openings I have ever read that worked at all well. You did miss the golden opportunity to clear out the business of your marital status in that very opener. I'd suggest having it read like this: "I know, I know...I should have a big, beaming smile with a close range head shot and a full body photo, together with scanned copies of all my vaccinations, lifetime lab work, credit reports and final divorce certificate. My bad. Experian does not deserve $5.95 for a reprint of my spending habits, the Judge hasn't got around to signing the certificate just yet, and as for the lab work, some things are best saved for date three." As for the rest of it, I'd contradict ninety ix on only one point: you're not looking for "Friends", so don't say that's what you're seeking. The guys who will reject you because your divorce is not yet final are going to do that anyhow.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

another profile reveiw please Posted: 10/21/2009 7:08:23 AM
Here is your first paragraph, properly parsed with a few edits, grammatical and typographical corrections. Feel free to cut and paste into your profile. My name is Sammy. I'm pretty shy with people I do not know but once I get to know you, you will see a different side of me. I'm a 28 year old, bubbly and outgoing person, who loves to laugh and try new things. I love going out and meeting people but I have not yet found the one. I'm a very caring person, so I'm told. I would say I am pretty unique and maybe a bit loopy but it's all good. I have just finished my second year in college, and have just qualified as a hairdresser/barber. I start my 3rd year in September and I really cannot wait. My aim is to gain the 5 years of in-salon experience that I need to become a teacher. I love working with different people and passing on what I have learned. I listen to all kinds of music, and my taste for the moment depends on the mood I am in. I would love to meet someone who has great sense of humour, who is not afraid to laugh at himself or at me. Two other comments: 1. Giant novelty alcoholic drink photo conveys party-girl image, which is a poor juxtaposition with already having children. 2. No age limits on the guys that can message you seems like a strange choice.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

I'm 22, does my profile make me seem pretentious? Posted: 10/21/2009 6:57:47 AM
Well, pretentious is one of those words, isn't it? Sort of like otiose circumlocution, to say it is to do it. Besides, your profile includes the words and phrases "Bostonian", "genres", "classically trained", "cultured" and "mindless". The non-pretentious do not use "mindless" as an adjective, by the way, they generally prefer more convenient terms like "fun", "kewl" and so forth. It also features a minimal complement of spelling errors, erratic and/or 'creative' grammar and no use of hip-hop related neologisms. So, basically, you're filtering for what you state you're seeking. As for not being attracted to guys your age on here because they seem so dumb, I have news for you: they do not get any smarter en masse as they age. Merely fatter, balder, uglier and more crass. I'd just wait until you get to Tempe and then hit on the guys at school. At least they will understand what you're saying, if you know what I'm sayin'.

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

How Can I Tell if it's a Line? Posted: 10/20/2009 7:51:11 AM
"So many guys on here are looking for "dating", but for me that seems like coffee and a screw once I actually meet them. Is there a way to sort through the bad ones and find the ones here for more then just that?" Yes. Make it lucidly clear to the cheap b*stards that dinner out and a bottle of wine are a bare minimum. "coffee and a screw", what, are they inviting you into the bathroom stall at the Krispy Kreme?

slybandit

Joined: 7/10/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

How Do You Feel About The Other Person In A Affair? Posted: 10/20/2009 7:25:14 AM
Rationalizing much, MrHonesty79 ? "Regardless we sould still would hang out and eventually went out to a bar,had some drinks and from that point, I was in Heaven on a highway to Hell for almost two years." Are we to assume from your sudden shift from microscopic detail, to 40 000 feet up, that "in Heaven" implies that you started sleeping with her? While fully aware that she was living with someone else, the father of her child, you elected to start sleeping with her? Because you're not going to tell us that you both 'tripped', accidentally tore off your clothes on the way down, etc. "It didn't start off with me plotting to "steal" her from him." -- but that's where it wound up, didn't it? The fact is that you chose to have a sxual relationship with someone who was living with someone else with whom she had a child. Rationalize it however you like: the father of that child was not the one doing the lying. She was, and you were knowingly participating in it. Maybe his treatment of her was not the best-- but what does that have to do with your dishonesty? Or with her dishonesty? So what if you never "tried" to hurt him: if I hit you with a car, does that make it any better from your point of view if I wasn't "trying" to do that? Is it o.k. for your current girlfriend to cheat on you with me, and me with her? You used to do the same thing, how could you complain? Of course, you'd complain, because two wrongs don't make a right, right*?

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