Should I pretend to be more helpless? chat & forums.

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calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Should I pretend to be more helpless? Posted: 5/26/2007 3:41:55 PM
I wouldn't say that you should pretend to be anything you aren't. However, it has taken me a long time to figure out that a partner in your world needs to be an equal and have his own things he's good at. If you don't give your partner enough room to be good at stuff (even though you might be good at some of them too) then he will end up feeling rather useless. People want to feel needed. Giving that feeling to your partner at a healthy dose will help a relationship from turning wierd due to power struggles.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 144 (view)

list 1 positive thing about being single Posted: 5/25/2007 1:24:40 PM
You can go to Vegas and do what ever you want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 40 (view)

Tips Posted: 5/25/2007 1:23:53 PM
So I can't help but think that those who are the most bitter about tipping are the ones who can't afford to. I can guarantee you that those who are living on tips are good tippers, and those who can AFFORD to use their services tip well too. If you can't afford the tip, don't use the service. Cut your own hair, take the bus, haul your own luggage around. eat at home. oh, what? you like those services? hmmm.... I waited tables for a long time. It was hard work, but it was flexible hours. I also made more than working as a secretary. If you're a blue collar worker and are barely making ends meet, I can see why you might judge those who work in the service industry harshly. But if you could provide the service and enjoy the rewards, then I bet you would too-either that or get a high-paying job, because I bet you'd do that do if you had the skills. But, since you're not highly educated or else you don't have what it takes to work in the service industry, you're stuck in the middle, so you're bitter. Sorry about your luck.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

anyone going to be in Vegas this May long? Posted: 5/14/2007 10:52:27 AM
You're going to be there for the US long weekend-expect a TOTAL gong-show-have a super awesome time!!!!

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

anyone going to be in Vegas this May long? Posted: 5/13/2007 9:16:06 PM
Just thought I 'd see if anyone's going to be in Vegas this weekend, I'm heading down with 5 other single girls and you know, it's a good place to loose those inhibitions....might be fun to do so with other Albertans!

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

How should extremely kinky people handle online dating? Posted: 5/11/2007 8:31:53 AM
OP, I was thinking as I read all the posts that there's something missing here-that link between meeting a woman and having her be the right one-what I mean is this: lots of women will do things they never imagined they would if they feel 100% safe and loved and they feel that it's special and unique between the two of you. If you post your sexual preferences in your profile, then you are making them standard and not unique at all. A woman wants to feel that the sexual relationship she has with her lover is special to them, even though she knows you got the skills somewhere, that part isn't important as her feeling like you "need" HER that way because it's HER!-not because you just need it. When it's not balanced that way, sometimes a women feels like it's her responsibilty to perform a certain act/way instead of her privilege.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

losing battle Posted: 5/9/2007 10:24:00 PM
Wow op, almost everyone is being really harsh with you!! A couple of people have touched upon the fact that your angry teen is probably not being very respectful to you and that your new beau probably can't stand to see you being treated that way (I'm assuming-correct me if I'm wrong) Teenage girls are generally full of angst and, contrary to what someone said, your children will be gone soon and you do need to think about your life after kids. It's not an easy time, but continual conversation with both the child and the man will get you all through this hard time-both the ups and the downs. Try not to be impatient, 6 months isn't long for anyone to know each other, let along for your teen to develop respect for a new person that is taking some of your attention.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Potty Training Boys... Posted: 3/12/2007 9:25:20 PM
I also taught my son to pee sitting down...he picked up on the standing up part at day care and school, etc....keeps the mess to a min and they don't really know any different, do they? I found teaching my kids in the summer (they both had august b-days, so they were going on two) was the simplest...they can run around naked and when you see them start to squat, you just slide the potty under them...soon enough they will head to the potty themselves...shockingly few accidents that way either...and very little stress on child or parent.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

Housing Dillema Posted: 3/11/2007 9:59:37 PM
Before I had my son, my dad needed a place to stay so I said he could stay with me. It never crossed my mind to wonder what the neighbours thought! Then, my little bundle of joy came along and I was the one that needed that help. We had the same living arrangement for 5 years. My dad and my son have the greatest relationship ever and I had the added freedom to go out with friends when baby was sleeping. I finally saved enough for a down payment on a house and got a great job and after I moved, my dad got an apartment close to my house so that he could still see his grandson a lot. Remind your friend how many others are in the same situation and how beneficial it is and really how normal it is in so many other cultures. This is a great arrangement for all 3 people. I think she just needs to have some goals and plans because you are right, you don't want it to be forever but while daycare is $500 plus a month, until school starts...how could she provide better for her son? She could take the time to go back to school and get a great education.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 173 (view)

new venue for karaoke Posted: 1/14/2007 9:57:09 PM
The lounge at the deerfoot casino is a fun place for Karaoke. And it's far for EVERYONE, so what could be more fair?

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

A Child's view of the Afterlife..... Posted: 12/8/2006 1:30:37 PM
When my son was 2 or so, still small enough to ride in the babyseat behind my on my bike, he said to me "mommy, when I'm big and you're small, I'll pedal the bike and you'll sit in the little seat"....later he said...."mommy, next time I come back, I want to be a WOLF" ...I'm telling you, this child was born knowing that we reincarnate. The light my son shines in this world is hard to hide from those who meet him.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Help Posted: 12/5/2006 11:14:17 PM
Trust me when I say that you are setting up a bad situation. Many (Not ALL so don't anyone freak out!) men have subconcious ties related to how being a good provider=being a good man=self esteem. Maybe not today, but one day soon, you will lose respect for him and he will too. Not to say that you shouldn't be equal or pay your own way, but if he's not holding up his end financially, it leads to DOOM! It's built into our culture. Talk with him about it, and if you end up living together, make sure it's because you really both want to, not just for convenience. I'm not even going to begin with the topic that if you're still in school you really have a lot of life to experience before you even think of co-habitating, but then, I digress.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Calling all Roman Catholics: Posted: 12/4/2006 9:36:09 PM
I was raised Catholic, went to church lots, sang in the choir, wanted to be an altar girl but Father wouldn't let me because I was a girl...didn't really give me a good answer. Wanted to understand why priest's weren't allowed to marry, same priest told me that once upon a time, they were, but doctrine was changed to allow churches to pay priests less. (not enough to raise a family). Wanted to really understand what confirmation was, never got a real answer. In other words, I was always a seeker. I was always looking for real understanding and never really got it. Never bought the whole confession thing. didn't see why I could simply confess and then go do it again. In my opinion, I simply out grew the doctrines of the Catholic church. My soul longed for more. I wanted more understanding, I wanted to be personally accountable for my choices, I wanted things to make more sense. My mind and my heart needed to be aligned. I couldn't wrap my head around 1 lifetime to "get it right" and eternity to either be rewarded for it or punished for it. Once met an incredible Franciscan Monk who blew my mind with his understand of spirit and science, but couldn't find that on a regular basis at church. Do I miss group worship? yes, but not enough to go back to being one of a flock. baaa....

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Abortion and Hell Posted: 12/4/2006 9:19:56 PM
okay, where to even start on this one? We could start by talking about the idea that God made man in his/her own image, not the other way around, meaning God is all-loving and non-judgemental and all powerful, not petty and vengeful and judgemental like we mere mortals. But that's a hard one for Christians to wrap their heads around. Because God doesn't judge, there's no penalty box called hell to go to. This means that "Satan" really has no power. Not power equal to that of God. This means that no one goes to hell because there is no hell. There's no original sin because our loving and all knowing and all powerful God granted us free will. What sort of twisted God would give free will only to punish you if you do something that goes against God's will? So, that might be the end of the conversation. No hell, therefore,no babies going there. BUT let's look at some other ideas along this line shall we? Let's adress the problem with those souls going straight back to God (aka heaven). What if the unborn soul and God had a little chat about what sort of joy/enlightenment this soul will bring to the world? What if these little souls need to be born in order to shift the balance of darkness (which we are indulging in to our own unhappiness)to light? We are creating our own hell here on earth. Who are we to deny a soul life? What if no one judged the unwed mother and simply chose to rejoice in the birth of another angel? What if we raised all our children that way? Chose to prevent pregnancies, not births. No conception, no problems. What if we decided that we should concentrate on creating heaven here on earth, instead of saving it all up for the afterlife? peace love and understanding!

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Headaches and the COLD!!!! Posted: 11/28/2006 10:48:21 PM
Try chiropractic or a physiotherapist. A well aligned body is supposed to be able to handle the changes in barometric pressure. They should be able to help you and if you're pregnant, it should make you more confortable as well....I would say it's worth a shot so you can lay off the nasty stuff in T-3s. Also, drink lots of water as someone said-but really, go see a chiropractor.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 119 (view)

Breastfeeding on a plane. Posted: 11/26/2006 3:58:07 PM
And I supposed Rosa Parks shouldn't have sat in the "wrong" part of the bus, and we shouldn't ever stop a person from abusing their child in public, because it might make someone uncomfortable? It might rock the boat, so let's just not do it? It seems like many people here feel that the mother should have just laid low and complied...really, should we settle for that in life? There's so many places for us to grow as individuals and as a society...why don't we start with a fairly easy one...breastfeeding. I agree 100% with the others who've said public breastfeeding only bothers those who are uncomforatble on some levels with their own sexuality, be it over-sexed or under....r

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Weddings/Cold feet - subconcious warnings Posted: 11/23/2006 9:59:56 PM
I was 45 minutes late for the wedding...just didn't feel like going....thought about putting the dress on about the time I was supposed to be there. Clearly my subconcious was screaming, but at 21, I guess I didn't know I had one. I was divorced 3 yrs later.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Re-defining sanity in relationships. Dare we do that ----> Posted: 11/22/2006 10:14:11 PM
Hi OP wish I could argue with you but I see what you see, for the most part...People who are dissatisfied with their relationships and walk away from a relationship that generations ago people would have only dreamed about...because it's not what hollywood shows. Or people wasting other's time on here for months and months because they are waiting for some "knight in shining armour" or some perfect little 'madonna/whore' that is worth getting real for-never happens. Trust me, I am all for divorce if 2 people are truly unhappy and have stopped growing, but what causes the unhappiness? What false expectations about the perfect life are we ever going to be willing to discard? I'm all for redefining relationships...there's lots of books written on the subject, but it goes beyond relationships, we must examine ourselves first...life is all about how we relate to others. We are our own common denominator....Risk (emotional), Respect and REAL, those are my 3 Rs-balance those with Trust and love, you start to make some progress. That's redefining sanity in a relationship in my opinion. OP, think about reading 'conversations with God' by Neal Donald Walsh. I promise you that your questions are there, and so are some possible answers.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Failed marriage under 30 Posted: 11/13/2006 8:11:16 PM
I was divorced by the time I was 25....no point in staying in something that is soul-destructing. Didn't find the dating to be tough at that point, only one child....now 10 years later and one more amazing kid at my side, I must admit the dating scene is a little tougher....but then again, I might be tough to please since I'm pretty leery of dating another loser....

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 68 (view)

Vegas in March 2007 Posted: 11/7/2006 10:17:47 PM
BEST way to get a passport is apply on-line. The computer checks your answers as you go so there are no omissions. Then, you print it off and take it downtown with your photos from black's or whatever (oh, and you have to get someone like your dr. that's known you for 2 years to sign) BUT THE IMPORTANT THING is to fill it out ON-LINE! If you do that, then when you get to the downtown office, you can get a special number which means you literally don't wait. The passport guy told me to share this advice with everyone! you whiz right through instead of taking hours the old way. it really works!! this doesn't work for kid's applications, though

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 47 (view)

Soon to be ex husband...gay or straight? Posted: 11/6/2006 7:50:40 AM
just because you ask doesn't mean you'll ever know the truth....lots of people hide from their own sexuality for their entire lives....although it might be satisfying to know that so many of your problems stem from one person living a lie...that lie may remain for his whole life. The reality is that you can't really trust his answer, so why ask it? If he is gay, he's either been lying to you or to himself, so what are the odds he's ready to a) face the truth or b) tell you?

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

really ready? Posted: 11/5/2006 9:05:41 PM
Dorian, you're super yummy and seems like you really know what you want....do you think that a relationship, especially at the beginning just really shouldn't be that much effort? Either it flows or it doesn't? I used to be in the film industry here in Calgary, a little, anyway....and now I talk all day for my job, so I know what you mean about having very little left to spare for chit chat at the end of the day....but being really busy is different than really working a girl for that yes and then batman-ing...at least I think so....

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

really ready? Posted: 11/5/2006 8:59:14 PM
ya 472, I suppose you're right...I guess I'm always looking for the "deeper understanding" of the human condition or something....I suppose that some might think that my question is redundant but the whole power thing is so weird to me....

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

really ready? Posted: 11/5/2006 7:53:01 PM
I'm wondering how few people on POF are REALLY ready to date? I know in the past, I've been guilty of not following through on meeting people in real life, just not ready to face real rejection....so I know that it exists...but people, what percentage are we looking at, really? Are there only, say, 10% of people here that are willing to actually go on a date? The one thing I don't understand is the pushing and pushing to get a phone number, or a "yes, I'll go out with you" and then the dissapearing act? What is up with that? Why convince me to say yes to a date and then not follow through? Is this fear? Is this not being "ready" ? If someone isn't into you, then why the pressure to get you to agree to go out with them? any insight people? any theories?

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

When men IM woman...why is it that they have to hit on them within the first 5 minutes? Posted: 10/29/2006 10:43:05 PM
think men want to find out if women are worth the trouble without investing alot of time before finding out they're a cold fish. Kinda logical, in my opinion... unless the guy expects you to say yes or no to sex that soon... but if he's just discussing it, what's the problem? Women who are uncomfortable discussing it are very unllkely to enjoy doing it that much; so what's the big deal? It's annoying as hell when people's IM's pop up and the immediately hit on you. To me it shows me that they have absolutely no interest in anyone or anything but their own needs. They don't even care who you are, just if you'll put out. God forbid, you talk to a woman first, and get to find out what makes her tick! those men that don't understand this fact" all woman can be hot little sex machines if you do the work to understand them...the whole hit on me right away thing, just becuase I'm female and a pulse is the biggest turn-off a man can do in the first 5 minutes.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 69 (view)

Married Relationships Outside of your Partner Posted: 10/27/2006 9:21:29 PM
I wish I was suprised at how many self-rightous people how been dumping their judgement on this guy....there's just so many examples of why the world is in such a shi**y place right now I don't even know where to begin. People: judge not lest you be judged-and I'm not even a bible quoter by nature-who are we to way what is right and what is wrong?...how do we not know that in actuality both partners have agreed to stay together and enjoy love on the side? Would that be my choice, No, but....so what? not relevant. Yes, many cultures have mistresses, etc...yes, N americans are ridgid , hypocritical and judgemental...and unwilling to change. Change is good people, let's think about this: if we weren't all so obsessed with beating a dead horse when a relationship dies (not fails, DIES), and weren't so convinced that divorce is wrong, we could let go of out blame and guilt and games and be two people raising kids-even if the relationship dies...personally, if we started looking at relationships that way in the first place, maybe they wouldn't even die so often....but that's a whole other thread! So, let's just consider the possibility that this is the best of a bad situation this couple has come up with-that they feel they have no other options due to their societal situation and beliefs....so this is the only option for THEM, what advice would you give-stuff your pontificating and fears and consider the idea that this may be the only way these two people see to experience any growth...now answer the darn question people!

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

AAAAAHHHH!!!! bedtime :( lol Posted: 10/27/2006 6:40:11 PM
Yeah, I was just wondering if you'd thought about that idea, not implying in any way you need to anwer to me-just food for thought-good luck with whatever you decide

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

AAAAAHHHH!!!! bedtime :( lol Posted: 10/25/2006 9:25:24 PM
...perhaps I shouldn't have used the word attached, since it seemed to have a negative connotation....I would ask you this: would you treat your daughter this way, if you had one? I guess my main point was: children have emotional needs and we shouldn't neglect them....when a child knows that you are there for them, you develop a strong trust bond with them, which gives them the "roots and wings" that each child needs.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

AAAAAHHHH!!!! bedtime :( lol Posted: 10/25/2006 12:21:15 PM
Hi OP When my kids were little, I always tried to remember that they are little-very small beings that love you SO much. When I was in a similar situation, I tried some different things. Just because the books say this or that doesn't mean it will work for you. Who cares about the dishes really? Spend more time with him. He'll only be little for such a short while. My kids almost always stayed up till 10 pm. (now their bedtimes are earlier) That way, we could play and read and cuddle and go for walks, etc etc...get him taking more substantial naps during the day FOR SURE. I used to rock both my kids for a long time when it was bedtime. Try to put it in his perspective: at this point, he spent almost half his life cuddled under your heart....you won't spoil him by giving him more of yourself, and you may find that, even though the house is messier, that you are both so much happier that it just doesn't matter. There's nothing wrong with having a child be attached to you-if they are secure in your love, then they won't be little 'fraidy cats later. My son is very close to me, and is so well loved by all that he's ready to take on the world-and he's not afraid to tell you what he needs in his world! love, the more you give, the more you get....trust me-it really works with kids....

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

To the women. Would you write to a guy here first.Or you believe the guy has to write first? Posted: 10/25/2006 11:23:29 AM
I initiate a lot-in fact, part of the reason I don't have a photo up is so I can be a fisher and not a fish...didn't occur to me that in today's day and age that there would be any stigma-oh well, I guess I forgot that I live in my own little world where there is no bigotry or double standards...lol

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

men dumping me because I have a multi racial family Posted: 10/22/2006 5:49:26 PM
OP, I don't think that's it's easy to spot a racist. It does take some time and I've been suprised in my life how many people carry some feelings of racism. I come from a blended family and some of us are adopted so we have beautiful multi-colored family events. Don't beat yourself up when you run into people like that because you think you should have spotted the signs, it's just not that immediately obvious in most cases-BUT there are a number of ways that you can react-I think there is one best way however. If you choose to believe that you're meeting these ignorant people for a reason and the reason is to open their eyes even for just one moment, then the time spent with them is not a waste. Have a very simple message that you can say to them, when it becomes apparent that they are bigots. Something like "I feel very blessed to share my life with so many incredible people, and skin color has nothing to do with it" or "I'm suprised that you would criticize God, 'cause he doesn't make mistakes" or, whatever it is that you personally believe, make it a concise statement that communicates your shock and disbelief that they can be so stupid and how lucky you are to be who you are, with the people that you love. This will knock them back for a second, you have done your small part to be the change you want to see in the world, and move on, knowing that you stood up for your beliefs in a peacefull, loving, intelligent manner. I do the same thing when I see people treated their children badly. It's suprisingly effective. take the time to craft your statement carefully and you will be suprised how well it can work.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 115 (view)

Shower heads Posted: 10/17/2006 10:24:10 PM
...first thing I bought when I moved into the new house, I mean you've gotta make sure that you're good and clean there every day don't you? Also great for a little added stimulation when you do have sex in the shower-put it on a soft setting and aim it at your guys 'taint. (can you call it that for guys? probably not really but you get my drift). That might just be a very happy thing for both of you!

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

What's more important Posted: 10/17/2006 10:09:11 PM
Dude, to tell someone that there's no future between us and give them nothing else is just plain cruel. Don't you think someone will obsess about that? That leaves way too many question marks. I don't think it's perfect at all. It doesn't seem honest to me, it seems avoidant. Honest is: I thought I could handle __________(fill in the blank) but I've realized that _________is more important than I thought. OR I'm really looking for that special connection but it's just not there. What's wrong with telling them that? Sure, you don't need to say "your teeth are too crooked, or you're too fat, or something like that-it doesn't need to be a personal attack, but it should be factual in someway. That way, the other has something to ground the failure on, instead of beating themselves up. That's what I think. You're way too clinical for me, just my opinion from your posts. You can't learn from a relationship "failed" or otherwise, if the other person doesn't open up at all. If you're the one that's cold as ice, you won't get anywhere either. I'm not saying that a breakup has to be an argument, esp, when it's a very new thing, but I think there needs to be some real feeling and sensitivity there.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

Is it time to reevalute physical attraction? Posted: 10/17/2006 9:59:57 PM
I wonder about that idea sometimes...I guess there has to be a reason that you've asked this question. Is it because the kind of people that you are naturally attracted to just don't seem to be good potential long term partners? I worked in the bar industry for a longtime and obviously, the importance and idolization of the young hot guy or gal was incredible. This rubs off on a person, to say the least. I watched 40 yr old managers still dating 20 yr olds that they had very little in common with. I myself still lust after 20 somethings that can only make me happy temporarily. At some point one has to look at the kind of people we choose. Because it really is a choice...maybe older people that date 20somethings are still in the party mindset? maybe. I can't say for sure. Maybe it's just that they really don't want to grow up/older, no matter what they tell themselves. I know that for me, part of the reason I am here on POF is to look at people intellectually and emotionally, ones that are my age, and yes, granted, I still have to think they are handsome....but I am more interested in having the mental connection turn me on than just a pretty face/tight body. So, to respond to your question, I would say, YES, if you want a different result than you've had before, you need to change your approach. I say it's doable. I say go for it.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

erotic literature Posted: 10/14/2006 9:34:03 PM
that seems kind of mean and uncalled for and completely off topic! ...and innacurate...I'm looking for someone who can read between the lines....

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

erotic literature Posted: 10/14/2006 9:18:11 PM
hugs and tugs, check out Kushiel's dart trilogy...they'll knock your socks off. have fun! ps reading sex rocks!

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

Bad, Good, or ? PLZ HELP Posted: 10/14/2006 9:15:44 PM
OP! Seriously Who the FK cares who's she's slept with before and how soon?!!!!!!!!!!! Do you dig her? Does she dig you? That go with it. Really, what's the fear here? THat she'll cheat on you? because sleeping with you on the first day is no indicator. Oh, I know, maybe you're worried that she'll compare you with the other men and decide you're a lousy lay and dump your double standard a? No? okay, how about this one: you're too damn scared to actually risk your heart with anyone so you're going to find some rediculous reason to end something with a girl that you obviously had great chemistry before finding out if you can really make this work? yeah, I think that's it, then you can stay on POF forever and continue to talk about relationships instead of actually having one.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 99 (view)

Adult circumcisions Posted: 10/14/2006 9:04:31 PM
well, OP, you've probably done it my now, and I hope you're happy with your decision...As for me, I have a very strong opnion on the subject. But first I must state clearly that whether a man is circumsized or not would have ABSOLUTELY no impact on whether or not I would love him. All the women that have such strong "uncut is gross" opnions are likely just as sucked into the status quo in everything else in life. Yes, as women, in N America, it is rarer to see an uncut penis, simply due to the medical practices of the day when we were born. I have seen a number of penises with terrible scar tissue that I'm pretty sure a couple of the guys didn't even realize that's what it was. Common sense tells us that scar tissue has less sensitivity, so that issue is a no-brainer: keep your touque (that's a woolen hat for all you non-canadians). Again, people are not used to what they don't know, it may smell a little different, but what man wasn't a little suprised the first time he ate at the Y? okay, let's talk a little more globally now, shall we? How many crazy poeple justify their actions because of someone else's behavior? I'm sure we can all agree that female circumcision is just plain wrong. While we run around willy-nilly (ha a little pun) cutting the genitals of little male people way too small to resist, does that not give others some sort of justification for people to do it to females? think about it. I have and I do. Let's lead by example people, and honor our bodies and other people's bodies. It wasn't all that hard to convince my son's father, who is circumsized, to support my decision not to circumsize our little boy. so what if it looks different? that's the lamest argument to support genital cutting I've ever heard. It's also not hard at all to teach a little boy, when time comes, how to take care of his penis.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 72 (view)

You start a relationship and sex ends it. Or did it? Posted: 10/9/2006 7:57:59 AM
Dano: re: message 69: there is a whole discussion going on about that issue in another thread: do men want to date "strong" women. I have commented quite alot about that there, but you have brought up one issue in paticular that I was sort of dancing around. You are right about some of what you said. Women have redefined themselves through the feminist movement (it's a fact, no use denying it or bashing it at this time, what's done is done, some of us are pro, others are con). So we've redefined ourselves into somewhat of a corner, sometimes leaving no man any ground to stand on except for sexually. We have put out the vibe that we can do it all except that we need sex. The male half of the species have been on their own journey (I partly blame freud for kicking the dad's out of the house and into becoming workaholics but feel free to ask me about that elsewhere). This journey, along with the woman's point of view has led men to a belief that they are only uselful as breadwinners and sex objects (is this damaging to their self-esteem? you betcha). YES-the catch-22 stalemate you were discussing has come to live in every relationship. Strangely enough, I believe the solution is the same for both sexes. I think we need to look at ourselves as a unique individual who has both strengths and weaknesses. These strengths and weaknesses are what make us ripe for a relationship. Women have to be honest about that fact that maybe we can make do without a man, but doing it all, all the time, sucks. For me, as an example, if I had a partner who would play with the kids, stimulate me intellectually as well as sexually and sometimes take a turn with driving the kids to sports, I would have the inclination to fold laundry and cook supper instead of ordering it more often. This may seem like non-emotional things, but the fact is, they all lead to my emotional well-being. okay, so I'm writing a novel, but try to sitck with me here. Why do I propose the same solution for men? When a guy looks at his own strengths and weaknesess and sees them as all good things to offer in a relationship, women respond to that. When I meet someone who will say "I'll take on this responsibility, because I'm good at it...even though you were doing it before" I need to let him. Result: he feels valued because I am valuing him. When someone will tell the other where they tend to fail in their world, and looks to the relationship to strenghten the individual, and the other honors that, well then, we're on our way to a whole new level of relationship. Growth begins personally, must always continue personally, but is more succesful within the right relationship. So, put all of that into motion and when you sleep with someone becomes completely irrelevant because we're seeing each person as an individual.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

Thanksgiving and missing relationship Posted: 10/8/2006 12:58:14 PM
I've been alone alot on holidays, and it can suck A LOT. Especially when the whole extended family plans Christmas dinner at 4 so everyone can be back home by 7 to spend a romantic evening with their partner, your kids are at their dads and you're sitting by yourself. Yes, it can suck. So this year, the kids and I are going on a cruise. Screw the snow and the traditions and the aunts and uncles and the dads-I'm going to be where I want doing lots of yummy things enjoy every second of it. (although volunteer is a really good idea too) lol Thankgiving's not so tough, I just make sure I invite friends to the dinner at my folk's house

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 66 (view)

You start a relationship and sex ends it. Or did it? Posted: 10/8/2006 12:36:52 PM
I think that the dream profile is what puts us at risk for the preditory types on here. If life were perfect, no one would get pumped and dumped. If we were surrounded by other people equally sincere as those who seem to weighing in on this paticular subject, than scripting our perfect mate would be the only way to go. Alas..........

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 64 (view)

You start a relationship and sex ends it. Or did it? Posted: 10/7/2006 4:44:27 PM
cautionhazardous, what are you admitting? That men worry about their bodies a lot more than they let on or that they actually do get turned off by female's body flaws alot more than normally admitted (once they get their rocks off)??

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 62 (view)

You start a relationship and sex ends it. Or did it? Posted: 10/7/2006 1:34:20 PM
I agree that great sex is essential in the vitality of a relationship and that you do need to test the waters, so to speak, fairly soon in a relationship and I guess it's always a risk that sex might end what you thought was just beginning. Can that happen with just a kiss? Can that happen because you thought you could handle someone's bad teeth but you just can't? I think so, but when you're ditched after the sex, it's hurtful. People are insecure about their bodies and their performance, you feel more vulnerable after that but I still maintain that the best prevention is up front honesty and having integrity in your choices-that is, to not use people's vulnerabilities to get what you want. I guess that's where the "what are your intentions with my daughter" question came from years ago. I understand the motivation for that question the older I get LOL.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 58 (view)

You start a relationship and sex ends it. Or did it? Posted: 10/6/2006 10:40:20 AM
Hi Thorn, I agree with what you said, and in fact, was waiting for someone to comment on it. Of course, we can't be manipulated unless we had someone the keys, but that was kind of my point about internet dating. We make ourselves vulnerable by handing someone all the tools they need to say the right things. And we want to trust, we really do. We want to hope and believe that THIS time, someone won't let us down. THIS time, someone will accept us for who we really are. That's the real risk with internet dating. Hope is a dangerous thing, it can cause an otherwise completely self-reliant/aware person to close their eyes and leap. Damn, I hate hope. lol

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 46 (view)

You start a relationship and sex ends it. Or did it? Posted: 10/4/2006 8:27:09 PM
Dave 1234, you make it seem so easy to find a man who doesn't think that way. In my experience, as I already laid out in an earlier post, it's almost impossible. Low self esteem? maybe. societal conditioning? maybe. Who knows why, but that's my reality. I don't think it is neccesarry to dismiss every man who thinks that way, because if you did, you might never end up in a relationship. Yes, it may be an indication that that person is not a suitable partner, but then again, it might be something you need to play along with to get to the good part...I mean we can start talking about how the term "feminist" has been totally maligned to mean "man hating b*tch", which all emotionally intelligent people understand is false, and that is an opinion I would run from fast, but, something like this, well, I think sometimes you have to play along.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

You start a relationship and sex ends it. Or did it? Posted: 10/4/2006 3:21:17 PM
We haven't talked about the big issue here that women are expected to be the holdouts. Everyone "knows" that if a woman wants a relationship to have a chance, she needs to hold out. How does it become the woman's total responsibility to delay a mutually pleasurable experience? I wonder how many guys say to themselves "hey, I really like this girl and if I sleep with her too soon I will totally lose respect for her, so I'd better not sabotage this thing."? Woman have to think about that every time they meet someone they really like. It's not a very easy place to be, experiencing mutual desire and having to be the only one saying "whoa". Is this discipline or is this neccessary game playing? I can't answer that one, I just know it sucks.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

You start a relationship and sex ends it. Or did it? Posted: 10/2/2006 9:41:24 PM
I am seeing the whole double standard thing play out in this thread. In most cases, the woman needs to be the "gate keeper". Some things haven't changed over the centuries. I don't know what to chalk it up to...I mean, in tv and movies, women aren't judged harshly for sleeping with guys, yet in real life, it seems one still gets "punished" for putting out by being dismissed. My experience chalks it up to insecurities...that's my experience, that's all. There are two things in motion here: the first being that a women who has sex with lots of men must be inferior, somehow. The second being that a man will assume that if a women is attracted enough to him to sleep with him quickly, then she will sleep with anyone...and this is the insecurity part. It doesn't seem like many men can draw the conclusion that "wow-there is great chemisty here, she must really be into me" instead the conclusion seems to be "she's easy". What to do about that? I have no idea. I see my only option as to play a game of "holdout"-no fun for anyone, really. (which I'm not really good at for the record-games aren't my thing and if i want to sleep with someone, I think that should be a win-win but apparently what do I know?) Any other options that I haven't considered? Please, let me know.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 387 (view)

Why men don't date strong women... Posted: 10/1/2006 2:20:32 PM
The strong woman I talk to, are the least bit intimidating. I find that much of it comes from broken promises, broken dreams, and, as a result, know that the only person they can truly trust is themselves. If a woman has a thicker shell, it's probably because she has a more tender heart, and can be hurt badly. Trust takes more time, but if you are willing to take that extra time, you just might find a woman with more passion than you can handle. Amen to you brother! you have hit the nail on the head (at least in my case). Who do I know I can trust? My and my girlfriends....although you need to keep trying don't you?

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 372 (view)

Why men don't date strong women... Posted: 9/30/2006 6:18:50 PM
I'm wondering if my father ever heard about Freud because he always was involved in parenting and house's responsabilities. Cuban, how very lucky for you. You are so fortunate to have had an involved father. Hopefully, you will keep the tradition! Best of luck to you, you're one step ahead of some.

calgarybelle

Joined: 7/12/2006

Msg: 371 (view)

Why men don't date strong women... Posted: 9/30/2006 6:16:22 PM
wow, you guys are awefully defensive....makes one wonder...in my opinion, life is the journey, and when we arrive, it's over, my friends. And, when one is looking to date, one must judge whether or not someone is compatible or not. Sorry if you don't like the word, but that's the reality. What else are we doing on here but meeting people and deciding which one we'd like to get to know better? I'm hoping to find someone on the same path as me...maybe that's not the same path as you, but i'm pretty certain that I haven't used the words better or worse, simply "right for me" and "on the same page". Yes, I did say ahead or behind., but someone in grade 5 is ahead of someone in grade 2. That does't mean the person in grade 5 is better, merely ahead. I think life is kinda like that. When you meet people who are unaware of their issues...and I'm sure you have, natscha, it can be kind of frustrating, can't it? When I said "still working on their emotional growth" I was trying to be gentle. I guess what I should have said is "some immature person with no grasp of their own double standards and need to control I run away fast" I've no interest in being controlled by others. Some men see this as me having a need to be in control. It doesn't. Simply put. It means to walk beside me, on a mutual crazy bumpy path with eyes as wide open as possible.

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