Open Marriages chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: Open Marriages

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 201 (view)

Open Marriages Posted: 9/20/2007 1:31:57 AM
I have had many friends try to sustain an open marriage. While I am not easily jealous, I wont fool myself that it is possible for me. And therefore have never tried it intentionally. In younger (much) years I was secretly unfaithful, many times as my husband and my work took us far apart. (No regrets) (It helped me to know myself) He never knew and like they say "it meant nothing" And it really did. Also the men got clingy and hurt when I wasn't available again. I came to realise I am into one deep passionatte connection with one man only. I have never had the want to have anyone on the side since my early twenties.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Having Sex With Your Mother and Father Posted: 9/20/2007 1:14:18 AM
I sure don't know. I would presume that they have issues they need to resolve from their earlier. Perhaps they didn't have a loving dad/mom.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

INTRODUCING SINGLE FATHERS, IT'S YOUR TIME TO SHINE. Posted: 8/11/2007 1:21:12 AM
I enjoyed reading the mens responses. It is nice that many single men experience the depths of child rearing. To me it seems that men who have played an indepth part of raising their children, are lightyears ahead of other men in terms of personal growth, and respect for women and motherhood. Those are the main reasons I prefer a man who is actively raising his children. Oh the other being I love kids, and have only one when I would have liked more.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

people using the threat of aging? Posted: 7/28/2007 11:45:35 PM
Girlflower, Interesting the reverse for men does it exist? I think not except perhaps when they want a too young for them woman. I didn't find anything negative about betterlate's post. Odd how we can all have such diverse experiences! And you directly insulted her as well while you were condeming her as you thought her insulting. Betterlate.... I enjoyed you post very much and agree with what I read. Just so happens there is no TV in my home. Of course there is still the ol'brainwashing elsewhere.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 163 (view)

Are you surprised at the type of people that contact you? Posted: 7/27/2007 5:51:05 PM
'Yourdarkangel' I addressed my comment to OP. I never even read your previous post, and I don't even understand what your talking about in the one I am replying to. Maybe you have missinterpreted what I wrote? Sorry you are or seem so angry.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

people using the threat of aging? Posted: 7/27/2007 4:09:32 PM
[What if you ARE the wisest person you know? ] Then I guess you've set either a record for arrogance or age. I never stated it was a lot of men who said that to me. Also I have read it written a lot in the forums in general from men regarding women being too picky. 2 men have told me that I should find a fellow while I still have my looks, both older wealthy men that were friends, one who wanted more than friendship. The other a work partner who was married. He was stating he was concerned in that I turned the other one whom he knows through me, he felt I should have grabbed him for his wealth. Odd I thought, as I wouldn't want a friend to marry a friend for money.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 161 (view)

Are you surprised at the type of people that contact you? Posted: 7/27/2007 3:42:08 PM
OP... this may be off subject but in response to your last statement above ^^^^^ I personally do not care if a man I date or am in love with/married to is considered "handsome". A girlfriend of mine just fell for a man whom she found initially very physically unattractive. She of course sees him through diferent eyes now. She loves that she didn't judge "a book by its cover". And is proud to be on his arm. Attractive to me (the gamut) as you described would not really have to do with size or looks. I I fell in love with a man a few years back whereas I found out we were refered to as "beauty and the beast" Kind of bothered me a I saw it as a shallow comment, when he was one of the most cuddly, creative, intelligent, sweet, therefore attractive and handsome to I men I ever knew.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

people using the threat of aging? Posted: 7/27/2007 3:11:49 PM
A lot of fun stuff to read! Thanks everyone. The title using the word "threat" wasn't meaning I felt a threat, it means they thought or hoped I would feel threatend. I am a vivacious person, and have never worried about my aging being a threat in attracting a partner. As on person mentioned.. Having less time to spend with them when you find them is the trade off, I agree . I am very surprised that a person would have that sort of consciousness to throw that at a woman. As one or more people stated, this is a reflection of that persons own fears of aging, I agree. But, as others mentioned I think it is also the fact that media plummels the young and therfore more attractive thus more important in everyones faces, that a low consciousness person will attempt to toss some fear your way, in order to slim his chances of rejection. How crude. By the way, I laughed. He replied,... Sometimes you just have to make sacrifies.. He was advocating a woman marrying a man for comforts not love. Just a ramblin'

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

people using the threat of aging? Posted: 7/27/2007 3:01:26 AM
I am often surprised when a man warns me, that I ought to find one soon before my looks are gone. One could say, this is just reality face it. But, I think it is plain ol' brainwashed mentality, that older is less. The aboriginies have no word for old. The closest interpretation means wise. I have found what little I have learned about aboriginal culture to be so enlightning Their lack of materialism, is beautiful, they only carry what they need and use. Even instruments they make where they may stay for a short while they usually leave for the earth to reclaim as that is where it came. While on the other hand. Media/society shows otherwise in N America. Kind of a divide and conquer mentality. Any other thoughts? Aboriginal gems about being wise?

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

I want what i want, so why do i feel guilty? Posted: 7/27/2007 2:32:50 AM
Really... tsk tsk Cinderellas getting wiser though. Sounds like Prince Charming's got a chip on his shoulder. And not as "charming" anymore.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 60 (view)

Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs? Posted: 7/27/2007 2:26:46 AM
this was started years ago, but someone must still be intereted. I would date a guy in a wheelchair if his mind and my mind liked each other! No man in a wheelchair has shown an interest in me. They always just roll away.....

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

I want what i want, so why do i feel guilty? Posted: 7/27/2007 12:49:37 AM
Although a lot of men on this site complain we are too picky etc... There is nothing smart about seeing/dating someone out of guilt. Do we really have control over whom we feel chemistry with? I don't think so in the present. My picks are getting better with my personal evolment, but that has been a slow journey. I think I know exactly what you are describing, and I have often wasted my and their time just to make sure I wasn't making the "no chemistry" or "not the one" call too soon. I am the upbringing of guilt trippers, even my grandmother thought I was too picky in my early 20's. So that inner voice rears its head, and my date says "you haven't even given "us" a chance, etc. Instead of trying to avoid being "a snob" as my sister called me, as I don't have interest in her type, "drama kings". I explain as soon as I am sure (Usually one meeting, sometimes 2). If I am not clear, they think they have a chance and wste their time with sweet gestures and poems. I try to be very considerate=clear, tactfull/. Most men are very decent about this and they don't want to be strung along or left to wonder,why you don't return calls or reach back. I used to hardly date as I felt like a "maneater" Seemed like they almost always felt chemistry and I didn't, and when I was honest they were more provoked to catch me. So now I am downright straightforward, yet not insulting. Just considerate of their feelings/time. And it works well. And I have also kept some great friends. I know that I am doing the right thing. I am a pink Rhinocerous, I will wait for another pink rhino. Either way I have my friends and family. If I got together with the wrong fellow for the wrong reasons I sacrifice myself and therfore my other relationships.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 130 (view)

Are you surprised at the type of people that contact you? Posted: 7/25/2007 12:31:39 PM
I used to get these young fellows writing when my profile states "over 40" so I changed my prefrences also no "other relationship etc..". I still get religious guys and conventional men, even when my headline said "intelligent , unconventional man wanted" crabstuffing... I know people are vry touchy on this subject but, Having no picture helps!! And maybe I get less mail than if I put a picture of me up. But it screens out the ones I wouldn't want to write me anyhow.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

Can we stop calling it an intimate encounter? Posted: 7/25/2007 12:15:17 PM
Sugar coating! I always thought the word intimate was to be open /confiding not necessarily sexual. I have got in trouble using the word.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Whats the big deal with meeting? Posted: 7/24/2007 4:20:17 PM
If the important things match up.. I prefer to met in the first week or two, or I lose interest emailing.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

Flirting Posted: 7/24/2007 4:11:56 PM
Wow! Thanks well that just sums it up.. Very informative on a subject I haven't given much thought to.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 348 (view)

Are people these days 'too picky'... Posted: 7/24/2007 2:50:39 PM
longitude, Interesting, "love is blind" I n a bar ew are more likely to fall blindly in love? Now we can go into it with our eyes open. Yet I wonder if the chances of finding the right person and feeling chemistry with them is very slim because we are more likely to attracted to opposites? Plus not to mention we have already rued out that feeling when our eyes lock across the room for the first time.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 344 (view)

Are people these days 'too picky'... Posted: 7/24/2007 11:40:00 AM
A lot of real hings have allowed us to be more picky "these days" as opposed to our parents/grandparents days. thinking hmmmm.... #1 Womens freedom (being a woman that is a good thing whew!) a. Not needingto staying with a man who is having mistresses/affairs b. A man must be able to accept his women of equal ranking. #2 Societies idea of beauty, makes the average male or female "unatractive" in that the average middle age woman/man will have bulges, yet are considered unhealthy looking to many if we do not work out/liposuction/drugs/smoking to keep it off. #3 Politics and religion divide(big one) #4The development of mass transportation allows us to seek mates further than our actual town. #5College education more the norm/career choices put us on the "available" market later in life, at which that time we are more evolved in our likes and dislikes, considerably narrowing the playing field. #6Over population awareness, hungry children allover the world reminds us that procreation isn't everything in life. #7 Perhap with all our information, gossip.TV, magazines, the internet, we devide more and more. a. The unending mentle illness divisions cause us to be aware of differences or judge/deem another different or not good enough. Just some thoughts.. Face it, it is different now and perhaps harder to find one we can "settle on" But there are reasons for that, and we can't change that..

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

daddy doesn't love you Posted: 7/23/2007 1:40:18 AM
I just want to commend all you single mothers who show such thoughtfulness and maturity in spite of many of your youth. I am a single mother too, I know how beautiful and how hard it is to assume such responsibility, especially after often abusive treatment from the bio fathers. My sons father is in the picture and spends a fair amount of time with him and they have a great relationship. There are some problems, his father has drug and is an alchoholic, yet he has kept it from coming between them, and behaved relatively sane towards his son. But in the last couple years my son has taken it upon himself to try to get his father to stop, it breaks my heart. I know I have made the best choice. And being that my son and I are close and communicate about his feelings. He has been informing me of any problems he has with his dad, I do my best to never bash. But to let him know it is healthy to talk, to either parent if you need to about the other. It is hard that I can't write in diaries about my feelings for fear that they could wind up in his hands. I often feel such anger for this man and don't know where to put it, I am constantly working it thru my mind so that neither of them ever see it. Years ago, I got rid of all my diaries that had accounts of my abuseful relationship with his father. I was in fear that my son would read them. I have worked very hard to never share the anger and violence I suffered. Much of it between his birth and 2. good luck

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 65 (view)

Are you an INTJ or INFJ Personality? Posted: 7/22/2007 9:50:16 PM
Thanks Nerd, .. It was a typo..I did write it right the first time.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

Why do guys use profile pix of them holding fish?? Posted: 7/21/2007 2:47:34 AM
mr fugly.. I think you are mistaken it is an old fulloshitian proverb and it reads (if I am remembering correctly) "Gut what you fish or none shall sit on your dish"

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 190 (view)

Can anyone give me a legitimate reason for NOT posting a picture??? Posted: 7/20/2007 5:16:30 PM
Not posting a pic on my profile works for me, in that most that message me have read my profile and thus selected to write from content rather than looks. I have my pics private. I used to not even have those.. I might go back to that though.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 62 (view)

Are you an INTJ or INFJ Personality? Posted: 7/20/2007 4:04:59 PM
Good post rune.. I took this a long time ago I guess, because I have no recollection of it. ENFJ I did a search and couldn't come up with any threads about ENFL's Boo hoo I wanted to talk to others with the same title... I would say that I am very much an introvert and any extroverted tendancies are mostly due to the fact that I am facinated with other consciousnesses and human nature and enjoy broadening my and others awareness.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 210 (view)

Do you ever get jealous? Posted: 7/19/2007 11:12:13 PM
There's feeling jealousy and then there's acting on it. If you act on it... It can rule your life and ruin your relationships. If you feel it and put it in it's place, realise the problem is either your choice in companions or your insecurities. If someone is going to cheat it is better now than later, I observe rather than police. Apparently I don't notice or attract that kind of disrespect. (I hope) : )

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

Why do guys use profile pix of them holding fish?? Posted: 7/19/2007 8:02:44 PM
You don't sound so brainee to me, It is a kodak moment, they feel good, it is a picture. Search the word "fish' and look at some men with their catches. Actually they already answered the question in previous posts.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 53 (view)

Is doggy style disrespectful to a girl Posted: 7/19/2007 7:58:06 PM
Only if you'd rather be with the dog.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 69 (view)

Explain this one! Posted: 7/19/2007 7:41:15 PM
Hmmm, Op, I think know this fellow, First of all, he has a wonderfull demeaner. He is very convincing because we want to believe what we want to believe. He told me he wasn't ready for a girlfriend yet, but, that he felt all these wonderful feelings too and that he wasn't seeing anyone else. He probably didn't lie. But, I heard what I wanted too, and he knew I would just like all the rest do and did. He is such a great small talker.. he meets more women in a week then most guys do in a year. He taught me a lot. How long had you been seeing him?

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

Why do guys use profile pix of them holding fish?? Posted: 7/19/2007 7:10:00 PM
My opinion is.. catching a fish is a good moment, a feeling of triumph, and therefor a Kodak moment! Besides men look great on boats proudly holding fish, heck I'll share in the glory and gut it!

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 196 (view)

Do you ever get jealous? Posted: 7/19/2007 6:48:15 PM
I don't think I actually get jealous, just a teeny moment of intimidation, like when a fellow I may be interested in or am with oogles some hot women. But that's all it is, fleeting. I don't give it any energy. It is a fleeting as a bird flying by. Gone Being jealous is a taxing problem, total waste of energy, It is like a self fulfilling prophecy, it does nothing except make someone want to leave you. An ex used to say to be all the time, "your going to leave me, you'll see" He always thought I was up to something, EGADS yep, he was right, I left him. It really hurt as I felt I (faithfull person) did not even exist in his insecure world. Can we say INVALIDATION If you can't trust the person you leave them. If you want to stay with them get therapy as to why you're with a cheater OR... why you can't have faith in your parner, who deserves it. And they should get therapy as to why the heck they are putting up with oyur jealousy B.S.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 92 (view)

Where did you meet your last boyfriend/girlfriend? Posted: 7/19/2007 6:09:27 PM
We met on stage performing music together.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

For those with experience -- Does this really work? Posted: 7/17/2007 12:31:15 AM
Saeho, you sound and look nice, you don't look too muscular. On topic now... If someone sounds interesting I write, I personally try to meet them right away within a few emails, possibly after the first chat/ I am sure it scares some away but, well then they aren't adventuresome enough for me. Unfortunately I havent had the time to meet anyone in a long while or they couldn't. I can't stand the writing back and forth. Mostly it seems they really aren't interested in finding out who I am as I am them. By the 2nd letter if they haven't said anything interesting, I forget they exist. After all it's cyber... I prefer real people, I gotta meet them right away.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 266 (view)

What do men feel about Gemini women? Are we too much? Posted: 7/16/2007 9:59:53 PM
Chris, you have desribed me to a T! And I'd like to make it loud and clear, Gemini are fiercly loyal friends. I always hate when I see that superficial comment s. But keep in mind ..usually it really says "they can APPEAR to be superficial"

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

Women have a common characteristic Posted: 7/16/2007 12:12:35 AM
In general all humans like to laugh. But, not all humans laugh at the same stuff. I have always made my men laugh. Rolling on the floor giggling works wonders! And visa versa.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 7/14/2007 11:37:37 PM
Ron9, Your profile says long term why are you stalling on meeting a women you obviously like? Ok I guess your saying you just want to keep her as a friend? Hmmm I am having trouble making sense of what you wrote..<img sr I have trouble hanging with a man I am attracted to as long as he is single. If he is taken I can push my desires aside .

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 7/14/2007 11:28:24 PM
More men approach women and get turned down. women/girls need someone to open jars for them? A lot of men like me, it is seldom I have chemistry with them. I am upfront as soon as I realise their feelings. I don't try/or ask to keep them around as friends yet, they insist on sometimes being lifetime friends. 2 of my best guy riends have married and still are in touch. I never slept with either. A fellow that dumped me years ago still calls and now that I am past him it doesn't bother me. He is a lot of fun and helpful.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

We ultimately look for someone who sees us as we see ourselves......... Posted: 7/14/2007 11:03:21 PM
Very interesting, I have never looked at it quite like that. I guess ultimately we want different aspects of ourselves to be accepted. And when we accept them in ourselves other are able to see them/accept in a positive light. No one needs to fit in, just appreciate our differences.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 170 (view)

Does God exist? Posted: 7/14/2007 10:27:41 PM
I plead ignorance... Once they have all those god fearing souls corralled into the little box, they can feed them a continuos diet of B.S and watch pack mentality flourish and the "chosen" greatfully donate money to be saved, and be told they are smart and everyone else will go to .....Hhhhhell. :roll I believe in nothing and everything it's infinetely fun here. :

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Is it bad if finding someone is the #1 priority in your life? Posted: 7/14/2007 6:16:27 PM
I think the worst part about that is.. it sets you up, making this person everything you wanted/needed, if/when you find her she will surely let you down. It's like waiting for christmas when your 7, once you opened/got your presents, it is a let down. The funny thing is that finding mr/ms right is a huge priority for most. And why shouldn't once pursue it as a #1 goal?...... But I don't think it should be the only goal were pursuing, that just puts to much pressure on every aspect of the situation.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 167 (view)

Does God exist? Posted: 7/14/2007 5:31:36 PM
God does not exist, he told me so.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Deepak Chopra Posted: 7/14/2007 5:29:22 PM
He has great stuff. And anyone who is threatened enough to insult the author, when they haven't even read a book of his , is in dire need of reading his works!

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Conflict resolution in relationships what do you do? Posted: 7/13/2007 1:42:08 PM
rune the story is from 20 yrs ago, my attemps to take a walk were in a way to learn to controll my my temper/defenses. I do not have that problem anymore. ...-... My post is about the importance of good conflict management skills. The IQ thingy was only something of interest to me as it goes to show intellectual intelligence and emotional intelligence are often at odds. I'd love to hear stories where someone can share a way they have dealt with typical conflicts misunderstandings with partners. I think that it would be very enlightning for myself and others to give conflict management more thouht.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Conflict resolution in relationships what do you do? Posted: 7/13/2007 12:11:57 PM
Thanks for your thoughts LanSir. The preconcieved plan for conflict resolution was clearly an idea built of a desire to sustain the relationship. I very much agree it helps to let one know how much you value the relatioship.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

Conflict resolution in relationships what do you do? Posted: 7/13/2007 12:06:39 PM
Don't get caught on the IQ thing, I do not feel an IQ test determines one emotional aptitude. Or their ability to use their intellectual aptitude in normal lives where their likely low emotional aptitudes get in the way. It is not unusual in my family, or friends to score that high on a certifiable IQ test. My ex used to get mad at himself "Why do I keep screwing up!! I am supposed to be so #$%smart"! I once hung out with a woman who held a record IQ, A guy friend was dating her and she was visiting from another state. I expected (I was only 18) to feel her brilliance just being near her. We rode in her rented convertable, went to the beach, talked. She was just like anyone else it seemed. When I asked her if she felt different she said no, she just learned things faster.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 46 (view)

The mind of an abuser Posted: 7/13/2007 11:37:24 AM
Simple minds, complicated problems... Insecure, out of control, desperate.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Conflict resolution in relationships what do you do? Posted: 7/13/2007 11:22:25 AM
I have joked that the best way to get to know a person is to break up with them. I was married to a great guy in my 20's. When we had our occassional conflict and it would escalate, I felt it was best if I temporarily walked away., as I always wound up loosing verbal control and saying regrettable things in my defense. But, everytime I tried to leave he would literally chase me, throw himself at my feet, carry on as though I was running away for ever, he was very dramatic. Although I would assure him my love and that I would not be far. I tried to make an agreement with him when we weren't in conflict, that whoever felt enough in control to walk away during the auguement should, and the other must let them go. Then we can cool off and deal with it. He couldn't agree to that his answer was just "let's just agree to never argue honey" He was very earnest about it and felt that would solve it all. I would say O.K . But, if we do have a problem, walking away can be our back up plan. His answer was we wont need that because we will never fight again. Now this mans IQ tested at 170 he was a very emotionally open fellow, full of love. In the last 10 years I think I have made leeps and bounds in deaing with conflicts. And take things way less personally therefore I am less defensive and more aware of the situation and in control of my involvent as in , if I need to defuse it immediately, or help my conflicted friend learn from this by helping them defuse their anger by remaining impartial but, showing interest. I also try not to ignore entirely my feelings, but to bring them up later when the other person is able to listen rationally. Do you think that a pre-concieved plan for conflict resolution is possible? Any insights? Stories we can learn from.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 52 (view)

an ideal relationship?? Posted: 7/13/2007 1:20:49 AM
My accepting another completely. People with excellent conflict resolution skills

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 63 (view)

do we attract a certain type Posted: 7/13/2007 12:47:25 AM
Hi begin anew... Thanks for identifying with me on this journey... It really is a pretty enlightning transformation. I used to do the poor me thingy too.. But then I would say "wait I am obviously choosing to be here" Even though I had all these quite good excuses as to why I felt trapped. Then I would ask myself, what is the lesson? I would actually demand an answere, I wrote and wrote my feelings down. Good luck! Sometimes miss That is because you don't like Chamber music! Ouch!

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 62 (view)

do we attract a certain type Posted: 7/13/2007 12:40:50 AM
It is really quite simple, Basically I feel the bottom line is energy. Some people (unhealthy) take it from others, therefore unbalancing them, they don't know how to get energy in healthy ways. People who allow this are people who feel the need to fix.. control...smother... they allow themselves to be drained, by giving to these energy vamps.. A healthy exchange of energies in any relationship, does not leave another off balance. Whenever you feel continually off balance, unsure and perhaps unable to communicate these feelings clearly to the person you are seeing. If you feel in love/infactuation with a person where you feel off balance, you should run, you have likely attracted your past again. Look within and grow it can resolve. Introspection, affirmations can defeat stupid inclinations. It is so empowering to grow out of these patterns... it means your worth it to yourself when you stop and look wihin. It works... I may not have the relationship of my dreams... but, I am happy with the security in knowing I will never have another nightmarish relationship again... I can dream happy for now.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 59 (view)

do we attract a certain type Posted: 7/13/2007 12:13:21 AM
I don't attract jerks anymore, or perhaps I should say that I don't respond to them anymore. It took a lot of growth. I always tended to be attracted to emotionally unavailable men, men who couldn't communicate well. To my knowledge were always faithful though. Now I never knew they were these things until I was seeing them awhile and infactuated. I believe it to be because my father was that of a rolemodel. He was unavailable emotionaly, so was my mother. I also took on a caretaker personality to deal with my parents problems. I saw that carry out into my thinking I could make these relationships work with these passive agressive personality sorts. I was looking for what I was used to... Dysfunction... I feel we attract people at the level we are at in our self growth. And even though I wasn't emotionally unavailable to these men I was unavailable to a healthy man. So many wondeful sweet, intelligent men have wanted to be my king and I didn't have the "chemistry" thingy going on with them, because they were so available. I am very open and affectionate though. Now red flags wave. I now actually feel myself become unbalanced in their presence, as I feel confused, don't know where they stand, and they often are wanting me to pull it out of them. It has no attraction to me anymore!! YAY, I have worked long and hard to rise above this scenario.

valeeshka

Joined: 7/16/2006

Msg: 207 (view)

best beer? Posted: 7/12/2007 11:07:59 PM
Bass Ale kicks buttocks One of the few beers that taste fine at room temp.

Show ALL Forums