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coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Planning a date Posted: 11/7/2009 7:38:16 PM
So, men how do you usually do it OP - I'll say this slowly so you're not in any doubt. MEN. ARE. NOT. ALL. THE. SAME. Get it? Personally I like a women who's not a lazy-ass and expects me to do all the work. It's got nothing to do with confidence - I've got plenty of cojones - it's to do with respect and acting like an adult. But hey, that's just me.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Tired of Sexual overtures by men I havent even met yet...... Posted: 10/15/2009 1:50:49 PM
I am very discouraged. Do you have any advice? Sorry to hear that. I've heard the same from female friends and ladies I've met through POF that they've experienced such 'inappropriate' behaviour too. I'm afraid this is a side of POF where women - in general - have a much worse experience than guys. What advice can there be than that you've got to rise above it? And continue to believe that there are decent guys out there. Since I am one - I have never nor would I ever write or say such a things as you've mentioned - I can assure you there are. Do men have so little confidence in themselves that they think the only thing they can brag about are their body parts? Or what tricks they can do? Yes, SOME do. Just as some lie, cheat, steal, frequent strip bars and pay women for sex. Some, but not the majority. I suspect it's a very vocal minority though - hence your experience.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

What is average exactly? Posted: 10/9/2009 9:51:13 PM
who gives a flying f*ck what a few folks with nothing better to do than reply to this post - like me - think 'average' constitutes? Just post some descent pic's that show your figure and let them speak for themselves and to hell with some stupid one-word definition of the awesome totality that is your physical being - hell it's not rocket science. Only head shots/indistinct shots + 'average' = fat. Yeah, pretty much.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Girls welcome on this...When Men write on their profile.. I am an attractive Man.. Posted: 10/9/2009 8:54:10 PM
I feel the same every time I read "I'm attractive/sexy/classy" on a woman's profile. I read this a lot and I think "yeah, I'll be the judge of that, thanks very much". Total turn off. No, I don't think it's just you

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 49 (view)

Single... does it equal weird? Posted: 10/9/2009 5:36:48 PM
I approached this from a strictly logical angle, like the engineer I am. I think that's why I'm an engineer, not the other way around, but I digress. I asked myself "what % of people are single"? Check this out, it's kinda cool http://www.findmapping.com/single_dating/bestcitiesforsingles.php?10 Who knows if it's on the level, but if so it looks like the answer is around 30%. That means we singles are not the norm, so we're abnormal. For many weird = abnormal. So, the answer is YES; single = weird. But, then again, what is 'normal'...

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

implication of lack of interest? Posted: 10/9/2009 3:22:32 PM
he has read the last couple I sent but not responded and I'm trying not to take it personally If you want my advice (and even if you don't) I'd say don't do this. Don't check if read/when read. It's hard I know, and I sometimes cheat myself. But it's the best way, or then you'll get caught up on trying to guess all the why's and wherefores, and 2nd guessing yourself. Like you are now. People worth knowing are busy people. You say so yourself. Also you seem perilously on the edge of beginning to play tit-for-tat games. Don't you know who you are? Be yourself. Don't you know your style (of communicating)? Stick to it. Then IF you're compatible, and IF he is into you (and vice versa), and IF he has time to get a relationship off the ground (and vice versa), then it'll be. Anyhow, until you've met it's all pie in the sky anyhow - don't invest any emotion (beyond some hope) in it at all. All IMHO of course :)

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Do single women prefer men that are attached? Posted: 8/13/2009 12:23:00 PM
This is one of those things about women that defies logic and reasoning Not really. Women want a guy who is desirable, since a mans desirability confers status on them (amongst their peers and society). A lot of women are concerned primarily with status (and yes...a lot of guys too) which explains, for example, fashion. If a guy is attached, then this is evidence he's desirable, so he is. It's not particularly rational logic but so what?; most so-called logic governing human behaviour isn't.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Coy? Hard to Get? The story ... Posted: 7/27/2009 1:11:30 PM
I think I like being a grown up. Am I missing something? Yeah - try dating grown ups!

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Not interested Posted: 7/23/2009 9:54:14 AM
Read-Delete is fine - tells me all I need to know. I look after my own feelings thanks - I don't need someone who I don't know from Adam, and who owes me nothing, to worry about them. Even just Delete - since I don't check if a message I send is read or not. Any guy who's got his sh*t together will not be in the least bit hurt or offended by this.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 240 (view)

When the bill comes on a first date... Posted: 7/17/2009 5:25:05 PM
We are being made to feel guilty for accepting a cup of coffee or a simple meal, ludicrous Oh come now, that's a specious argument, and I think you know it. The OP waded in and told guys we are expected to pay. It's what guys should do. It's the right think to do. It's the only thing to do. So, she's not accepting, she's demanding. Do you expect a birthday present from a friend? Do you cut them off and never see them again if you don't get one. Maybe you do. Do you expect a friend to pay if they go out with you on your birthday? If they say money's a bit tight at the moment and they can't afford to, or buy a present do you call them cheap and question their manhood or humanity? Do you say they shouldn't have friends until they've earned enough money to deserve them. To be worthy of your time? Ever had that time when you did something for someone, went that extra mile or something, then they told you they expected it anyway? How did you feel about that? Where is the value in doing something that's expected or just because it's a custom. How could that possibly make you feel special? - heck, you expected it. That's some pretty wacked-out reasoning. That must be why I don't get it.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

dating or long term Posted: 7/16/2009 1:55:05 PM
i guess i might have to explain it in messages then No, explain it in your profile. That's what it's for - to give more information about what you're about so guys don't have to assume/guess. Or you can just write a whole bunch of meaningless cr*p like "I love to laugh...am looking for a great guy...have the best friends". At any rate, any guy worth your while will read your profile - or at least attempt to unless it's a bunch of drivel. oh well for lost opportunities or anyone who is turned off cause i put long term How so? This means a) they make snap judgements on minimal information and b) they're not looking for/considering long term. You're thinking some hot guy (let's face it, you're not worried about not-hot guys ) will think - "this girl wants to get spliced, like, yesterday! Yipes! - NEXT!", but if you've got 'Dating' then he'll think - "yeah, she might just want to party - let's hook up", then you date, then he realizes how fabulous you are and does a 180 and decides he's ready to commit after all. Classic girl thinking she can fix guy scenario - could happen but....not likely. My guess is your problem with this term may be 'cos don't know what YOU want.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

dating or long term Posted: 7/16/2009 12:06:47 PM
Dating is the avenue to possibly reach long term. I hear what you're saying 'cmdrfunk' (kudos for some entertaining posts in other threads by the way) but dating is the means to an end - LTR - only if that is your goal. However, for some dating is the end, i.e. they are dating with no other goal. They just want fun , someone to hang with (of the opp sex)...I guess with the possibility at least of sex, or at least some heavy petting, or why not just go out with your girl/guy friends. So some are still at the 'sowing wild oats' or 'test driving just for the helluvit' stage - nothing wrong with that - and a category of 'dating' makes sense for that. IMO. So that's why I settled on 'Long Term' for myself, since that's my goal, and dating is just a means, not an end or a way to pass the time. Still I don't read too much into seeing 'Dating' under 'For' - I won't discount the person from consideration at this point without reading the profile where I'd like to see some indication of their actual goal. But that's just me.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

dating or long term Posted: 7/16/2009 10:34:52 AM
Why don't you pick one or the other, then clarify it in your profile. Agreed. I don't distinguish particularly between these when I read it - they don't immediately translate (in my head at least) as dating = only lookin' for fun long term = desperate to get married yesterday I look to the profile for a sense of where the person's head is at; that's what this space is for if you've the sense to use it.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Where's the Ask a Sapiosexual forum? Posted: 7/15/2009 9:43:41 PM
OP, this question should have been put on the site suggestions/help forum. Mea culpa. Quite right. Well, I thought there was a nice completeness to covering the bases of the 3 genders - guy, girl and gay. I don't see that it would let a plethora of 'minorities' out of Pandora's box though - Jewish, Catholic, Arab, Christian, Muslim, Black, White, Pink, Green, Polka-dot, Gamers, ping-pong addicts, trekkeis, Martian, Venusian....whatever. Gay crosses all those boundaries no? Go on POF - give it a try And to the poster who said the forums weren't about advice - er, what forum have you been on?

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Where's the Ask a Gay forum? Posted: 7/15/2009 5:02:53 PM
^^^^^fair points, but I still feel we might be missing out on something. I'll confess my tongue was slightly in my cheek too. However, lest anyone doubt the value of a gay perspective I present the following - my favourite Agony He-Aunt http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthadvice/pillowtalk/5789156/Pillowtalk-Graham-Norton.html now that's sound advice!

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

Where's the Ask a Gay forum? Posted: 7/15/2009 3:54:03 PM
your the ugliest chick ive ever seen. Thankyou!

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Where's the "Ask a Gay" forum? Posted: 7/15/2009 3:12:13 PM
Just occured to me; we've got 'Ask a Girl' and 'Ask a Guy', where's 'Ask a Gay'? Isn't POF equal opportunity? Don't our otherwise-gender-polarized sisters and brothers deserve a voice? Mightn't they bring a valuable new perspective to the world of dating n' relating? Or are they too busy having fun? - If you think thumbs up to 'Ask a Gay'; jump on this thread. - If you don't; stay away BIGOT! - If you don't give a rats a$$.....er I dunno, that's fair enough I suppose. - And if you want a really annoying song stuck in your head, sing along (out loud or in your head) to the following, which is kindof on(this)topic Love in the nineties Is paranoid On sunny beaches Take your chances - looking for Girls who are boys Who like boys to be girls Who do boys like they're girls Who do girls like they're boys Always should be someone you really looooooooovvvvvvvve

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 109 (view)

Have 50's era men become obsolete? Posted: 7/15/2009 2:36:22 PM
Nowadays the rules seem to change with the wind daily so nobody has a clue how to conduct themselves anymore. That's right - now we're free to make our own rules. Scary isn't it? Because making your own rules means thinking AND taking responsibility for your actions - something lots of people don't want to do. In the words of Austen Powers "Now we have free love AND responsibility - it's a very groovy time baby!" (or was that the 90's?)

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 107 (view)

When the bill comes on a first date... Posted: 7/14/2009 4:20:41 PM
Depending on where we're going, I can spend hours getting ready.. and probably more than a few minutes after the date wondering if you'll call. I invest. What a crock! BigDaddyJinx called it right. Women spend 'hours' on hair/clothes/makeup etc primarily to bolster their self confidence (i.e. make up for lack of it) /compete with other women/show off their style/status/wealth/good taste...whatever. Not a jot of it is any form of 'investment' in anything but herself and her self-image. Give me a girl with the confidence to show up with minmum makeup, or none at all. You can still look classy. Heck, us guys do it all the time! So beneficent of the OP to gift us with her wisdom on sexual politics - and from one so young. I wonder who promoted her to speak on behalf of women. Did I miss an election. Sure nice of her to let us know how easily women can be manipulated - ahem, I mean 'made to feel special'.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 41 (view)

What's your deal breaker? (re profiles first glance) Posted: 6/15/2009 9:29:42 AM
If the person looking at my profile were not interested in what I am about, interests ways of thinking etc, then what are they looking for in me? Some will be thinking "...are you hawt (sic)?" "...will I look good if I'm out with you?" "...do you have money?"..."will my friends think you're a catch and be jealous?"..."oh, my nails need doing...." .... you get the picture? We are of the same mind 'sirthinkalot', however you've no doubt come to the conclusion, as have I, that the world has it's share of thinkers and non-thinkers, and never the twain shall meet. Looking at the world around me (rampant consumerism...throw cushions, 'designer' kitchen appliances...), I'd say the latter were in the majority Non-thinkers don't like to....you know. Think. Or read. They love fun. And to laugh. Especially to laugh. They like answers on a plate. Like, you KNOW? (upward voice inflection). They like rules. They like books (as long as they're short) that tell them what to think - like 'HJNTITY'. They, like, say 'like' a lot? They like religion, which tells them what to think... They like not over-thinking. And, I'm just guessing here, they DON'T like thinkers. Oil and water old boy.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

What's your deal breaker? (re profiles first glance) Posted: 6/14/2009 6:30:08 PM
Reading any of the following in a profile - which is depressingly often * I love to laugh (like, there's anyONE - never mind any girl - who doesn't? Why not write "I love to breath"?) especially if followed by * I'm intelligent (I think not - former statement gives the lie to this assertion) * I love to have fun (see above) * I have the best friends (everyone thinks this) * my friends think I'm great (...well they wouldn't be friends otherwise would they...) * my friends say I'm a great catch (see above) * my friends don't know why I'm single (see above) * I like to hang out with my friends (see above) * MAKE ME LAUGH! (trust me guys got the memo lonnnnnnng ago. Any guy who hasn't is brain dead....or maybe from Kazakhstan) * Looking for a guy who can make me laugh (see above) * Humour is really key (see above) * Looking for a guy with a sense of humour (no kidding? You know a guy, or anyone for that matter, who doesn't THINK they have a sense of humour?) * I LOVE TO LAUGH (give me strength...) * Looking for a great guy (see above) * No players, liars, deadbeats, losers...etc (so you put a sign on your lawn saying "No house-breakers!" and expect this to work?) I could go on, but it's too depressing

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

What Motivates a Guy to... Posted: 6/13/2009 10:57:29 AM
Anyways, this is driving me nuts. Aloha cutie :) apply the following principles: a) Don't sweat the small stuff b) Don't look for logic in dumb*ss behaviour b) is where you're mainly going wrong. If you're a logical person, and try and find a logical explanation for other's illogical behaviour then where's it going to get you? Exactly where you are - frustrated and none the wiser. Just file it under "really dumb stuff folks do that makes no sense" (like tramp-stamps and those mega-base car stereo systems you can hear in, like, the next province...) and move on. gratuitous emoticon-

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

Why women want guys to come to THEM Posted: 6/10/2009 4:16:03 PM
The bottom line is, females don't have anything to offer a man but SEX because he doesn't need anything else BEING STRONG AND SELF-SUFFICIENT, so whatever she offers other than sex (caringness, emotional connections, etc) is useless Got to give 'recup' kudos for stirring up a debate at least! However he forgot the word 'some' - very important. Maybe even 'many' as in: ...MANY females don't have anything to offer a man but SEX... Now, I'd agree with this. Some do have more to offer though. I've known......well a couple at least. And I did some chasing. It's kind of requisite. Most women - even the most together that you'd actually want to spend some time with - have some level of insecurity and need proof of affection/desire. 'Chasing' is taken as evidence of such proof - though it's debatable what it's actually proof of (e.g. players do a lot of chasing...) If it gets out of hand though, or if it's done just in the name of 'tradition', then it is a power play and you're on to a loser. Unless, that is, you actually want to be a lap-dog. There are a ton of semi-happy lap-dogs out there who get sex once in a while. When they're good ;)

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

should i change??? Posted: 1/13/2009 8:53:37 AM
im just startin to think i need to change who i am cause generaly if im not happy with myself than ill never be happy Sarah - your own words. You know the answer. If that's how you feel - if you are not happy with yourself, then that is something that is wrong with you that YOU need to change. No one can do it for you. And you should not do it for others. Do it for yourself. Don't embark on the road of changing yourself to make yourself attractive to others. That's a road to disaster. Then you'll define yourself in other's terms. A guy might say to you "you should sleep with me, 'cos that's what good girls do". Are you going to do that? Look inside yourself and at people you admire for the values that define you. Work on knowing yourself, and being happy with yourself, then you won't second guess yourself. Seek out good people - they can help you on the path. And you can help them. Then the relationship will come, I'll betcha. best wishes.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

How can you tell you are over someone? Posted: 1/12/2009 11:36:42 AM
Couldn't put it better than Robbie: I loved the way we used to laugh I loved the way we used to smile Often I sit down and think of you For a while Then it passes me by and I think of Someone else instead I guess the love we once had is Officially dead "No Regrets" - Robbie Williams

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 63 (view)

Why does it seem that men dislike intelligent and witty women? Posted: 12/18/2008 12:01:50 PM
I really have no idea if people do or do not, and sincerely would love to hear the answer. Does everybody need to be right? No. Are people who always seem to need to be right irritating. Often. I realized I learned this trait from my father (who's a right cantankerous know-it-all), and worked on letting it go. I know a lot, and frequently I was/am right. But the need is not to correct a mis-truth, it is to be seen and acknowledged to BE right. It is personal validation need. An ego thing. Those with this need just rationalize it more flatteringly as a desire to correct injustice against some kind of universal concept of 'truth'. I was much happier when I let it go and, I believe, a more likable person. These days it's enough for me to know I'm right. Back more on topic; the answer is that it 'seems' that way to the OP because she's making an incorrect deduction from personal experience allied with a childishly solipsistic world-view; "it happens to me, therefore it happens to everyone". Like a lot of posters have pointed out; there's a world of difference between intelligent+witty and conceited know-it-all+tedious jibing. In my experience, those who need to claim either of these traits usually don't have them. Those who do let them speak for themselves. Just sayin

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

Need some clarity on a situation that has become a SNAFU. Posted: 12/6/2008 11:32:10 AM
I asked for some closure but she ignored my call and I never got it to this day. Since I see women wading in all the time on 'Ask a guy' I'll chime in here and give you some dude-perspective. This is people-stuff. Not boy-girl, or girl-boy stuff. And, sad to say, this sounds like a typical self-confessed 'nice-guy' plea. I'm gonna give you some tough-brother-love here my man. It's all in your head bro, and in YOUR hands. Problem is you've put it in hers. It's not her responsibility, it's yours. You can go through life looking for other people to give you closure. Or you can be an adult, do some growing up, and own your own sht. No, it isn't easy. Nothing worth while is. Who said it was going to be easy? It's life, your life. Deal with it. Instead of seeking closure from another, wooweeh! Spin it round in your head. You get to decide! How good is that! Tell yourself you're great! Don't be down on yourself. If you take an honest look at yourself and see stuff you need to change, then get on it. I had this same convo with my brother recently over sht we both went through with my father, decades ago. Stuff he's still carrying round and dumping on people, instead of owning it himself, and dealing with it himself, being his own man finally, like I did. No one can give you closure. Only you can give it to yourself. So, be a man, decide whatever the hell you need to decide to move on from this and do it. Don't look back. Don't be thinking "her loss...she was no good anyway...she'll think of me". It may or may not be true, but it doesn't help. Look forward and get on with your life and being the best you can.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Do you have pets? Should be added Posted: 11/13/2008 12:39:53 PM
I have a picture of my "beast of begging" on my profile so there is no guess work that I am a dog owner. I agree - not necessary. I can't tell you how many pictures of dogs and cats I've looked at - sometimes I think this is an adopt-a-pet site. Those with the 'must love dogs' attitude more than likely put that very thing in their profile. Myself, I like dogs...but I couldn't eat a whole one

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

is this unfair? Posted: 11/13/2008 12:20:38 PM
IMO, no, it's not unfair. Or rather, not unreasonable. As much as I'm all for equality, my 'common sense' (for want of a better term) says to me that the risks are greater, in general, for women than men in an intitial meeting. So, I always offer to meet first on 'their turf'. I'm a fairly big strong guy, so I don't have any fears for myself, whereas a women might have legitimate concerns. Though I think that a lot of so called 'chivalry' and 'gentelmanly' conduct is a lot of hooey left over from a bygone age when women were (generally thought of as) timid, inferior creatures, for me this one still holds as an example of where it behoves a man to step up and be a gentelman. My 2-cents (now worth about 1.3 cents and heading south)

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

Internet Loser Detector Posted: 11/12/2008 3:35:42 PM
^^^^ I see where you are coming from 'JoeS71' but I think you're being a bit dramatic/argumentative. You totally missed the point I was making. Yeah, I did make an assumption about you. I assumed that you, like me, are neither omnipotent nor omnipresent. Given that there are 1000's of people on POF, how can you give them all a fair shake? How can you qualify them all? You can't correspond with them all. You sure as heck can't date them all. So waddaya do? You try and come up with some way to pre-qualify, as the OP has done, and seen fit to share her ideas with the rest of us, for good or bad. I say it's an interesting thread. IMO some way to screen out the nutjobs, whacko's, or just the plain non-compatible that aren't worth contacting is a worthwhile exercise. How do you do this? Maybe you really are unique and you make no initial judgements and you contact everybody with a view to dating them. You must be one helluva busy guy (makes hat-doffing gesture)

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

why do i only ever meet wierdos Posted: 11/12/2008 1:50:45 PM
^^^^^ maybe that should be lonely, desperate AND randy

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Internet Loser Detector Posted: 11/12/2008 1:31:53 PM
and take every individual AS THEY ARE. That's all very well and easy to say, and if you had time to qualify and date everyone on POF, then that would work. But clearly you haven't and it won't. Clearly many people do mis-represent themselves, both conciously and unconciously, so some short cuts must be taken in trying to weed these out. So, in that sense the OP has some valid points. However, what works for her might not work for all. But she's got some useful stuff in there IMO.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Does anybody think that the term LONG TERM might scare guys off......? Posted: 11/12/2008 1:13:47 PM
I wrestled with this one - thinking that it was maybe putting the cart (LTR) before the horse (dating). Then I (finally) rationalised that the best way to think of this option is as one's goal. So, since that's my goal, not dating as a sport or pastime or ego-boost...etc, I settled on it. The problem is, you can't control how another may interpret this, which is what you are seeking to do. Give it up. You can't determine other's perceptions. If someone sees that and freeks, then are they really in a place where an LTR would be welcome? Maybe, but likely not. And if not, then they're not on a fundamental same wave-length IMO. As other posters have said, you can use your profile to clarify your position along the lines of "I realize dating comes first, but longterm is my goal....". I would say that anyone worth your interest would take the time to read your profile.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 61 (view)

Single women have all the answers Posted: 11/6/2008 2:47:29 PM
They're not attracted to men they can manipulate I think 'cmdrfunk' nailed something really important there, from my experience and observation. And of course he and I am generalizing here, before we get jumped on for characterizing all women. But certainly I think the type the OP is referring to that have 'all the answers' While these (type) of women are not attracted to men they can manipulate, they do date them, and end up marrying them as often as not, because the one's they're really attracted to (which they eventually won't admit even to themselves) either a) won't put up with their cr*p or b) won't play by their rules or c) wouldn't touch them with a bargepole. So either the guy drops them fast, or they drop the for not being a 'real man' (i.e. one who plays by their rules). So, they end up eventually 'settling' and forever hating themselves for doing so, and their husbands/boyfriends (secretly) for not being what they want (and deserve!) and make both their lives a misery. Or if they don't 'settle' they end up as spinsters with lots of cats/dogs, which are even more of an impediment to their finding a mate (a whole 'numther convo....). And so, they manufacture their own misery and, true to form, blame everyone else for it but themselves.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Is there really love for women over 40?? Posted: 11/4/2008 9:59:24 AM
If you want a quality guy to want to commit to you, it's not really sufficient to say "look at me, I'm available" anymore. You have to bring something to the table besides a hole and a heartbeat. Beautifully put 'IQF' But no, much better to stick with what worked when you were in your 20's, and were surrounded by 20 yr old horndogs who'd put up with anything, and jump through a million hoops for a chance of a sh*g and blame the world (or men) for your woes.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

should pretty girls play hard to get? Posted: 10/30/2008 11:09:58 AM
If you phrase the question this way CAN (truly) pretty girls play hard to get (and still get lots of attention)? Then the answer is a resounding, Duh - of course they can! Let's face it; good looks trump just about anything. You could be a dumb, obnoxious, stuck up b*tch, but if you're hot enough people will still fall over themselves to be your friend, and guys will queue up to throw money at you/date you. For as long as your looks last of course. This explains, for example, Naomi Cambell. It's not wrong. Or right. It just is. But, if you're not hot enough, or you're, shall we say, nearing your sell-by date ... well, do I have to spell it out? What does the fact that you're sat there listening to the crickets chirp tell you, hmm? But this is where dating down comes to your rescue. If you date low enough, then even a so-so girl can probably find a guy to worship the ground she walks on and put up with her tantrums. At least for a while. Which is what you want, no? That's the real (ugly) world, and those are the real 'rules' most play by (even if they say they don't) - not the Hollywood-smaltzy-chick-flick-fantasy 'rules' the OP might be referring to.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

should pretty girls play hard to get? Posted: 10/30/2008 8:26:04 AM
Pretty is in the eye of the beholder. Amen brother. And lemme tell you, throwing a pity party and SHOUTING!!!! 'cos you aren't getting your way ain't pretty

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Letting a guy down Posted: 10/17/2008 9:22:37 AM
I never like to disappoint people. So what could a woman say to you to let you down whereas you wouldnt take offense or be angry with her? You can't control the guys reaction by what you say or how you phrase things - is he a man or a child? You can't go through life thinking your actions can control (affect yes, control no) others emotions - if you do you are on a hiding to nothing. Tell him straight as you've said here that there's no chemistry for you. You don't have to get into specifics. That's enough. Then he's got to man up and own his disappointment and pain, if any, and deal with it himself. If he takes offense, or is angry - provided you don't actually insult the guy and tell him he's a jerk or something - then that's his problem, not yours.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

How do you determine whether a date is successful? Posted: 10/16/2008 12:39:16 PM
There's no infallible litmus test. And the way you've posed the question makes it seem like you are approaching a date more like a test YOU are taking. I think a lot of people approach it that way, and it's completely the wrong way, IMO. You are not out to prove yourself worthy or datable to the datee, to say the right things, or avoid the wrong things, to win them over or win their approval - you are out to a) be authentic and b) find out who they are and whether they are a good fit for YOU. And, heck, maybe even have an enjoyable time too. Of course this all depends on your ultimate goal. If that's only to have fun and maybe to get laid, then it's a whole different ball game. You don't really care about evidence of long term undesirable traits, and would be well advised to stick to traditional male dating rules of sucking up, making them laugh as much as possible, and buying them stuff. Evidence of a successful date would then hinge on 'buying signals' (dating-to-get-laid is essentially a sales activity) like positive body language, them laughing a lot, eye contact, casual touching, preening behaviour...etc. If you are any kind of salesman, you know never to end a meeting (a date in this case) without attempting a 'close', so this is your indicator of success.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

happy settled or happy with conditions? Posted: 10/16/2008 12:17:26 PM
These emotions are part of life too and it is possible to feel sad and content to be sad in that moment Exactly - isn't this what the blues are all about? In some perverse (but very human) way celebrating misery. Just so the the 'Fado' form of portugal, and that ineffable (in english) portuguese word 'saudades'. IMO modern pop-culture has over simplified the human experience (principally because its easier to sell to) and lost touch with the complexity of human emotions and their contradictory nature.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

happy settled or happy with conditions? Posted: 10/16/2008 11:24:18 AM
Nice post OP. Like all categorizations of people, it's an oversimplification, but I do believe people broadly fall into one of two camps: 1. Those who seek outside themselves for happiness - in things and people. For these people someone, or something, else is reponsible for their happiness/unhappiness. As children, we all start out this way. 2. Those who look inside for happiness - i.e. make their own happiness and are not reliant on others or things for it. These people take personal responsibility - and this is key - for their happiness/unhappiness. This is the journey of adult-hood. Which is the easier path? Which path requires no personal effort or self examination? Which camp does the gazillion dollar advertising industry sell 'happiness' to? Which type makes up the majority? Which type (of adult) do I avoid like the plague?! Regarding choice - of course we have a choice! I don't buy that people don't have choices. Sure, bad things happen to people that they have no choice in - like childhood deformity, subjugation, abuse, accidents, illness....etc, but we always have a choice how we react to these things. Just as we are all subject to the same temptations; alchohol, drugs, sex....and again we have choice about whether we become a victim to these temptations. For the adult, happiness is a conscious choice.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Treating a woman right - what does that mean? Posted: 10/15/2008 2:26:48 PM
Only the people who use this term know what they mean by it - how others percieve it is another question. From a woman, on her profile, I generally 'decode' it as meaning that she's an 'old fashioned' type who's affections are easily bought, and for which one would be expected to keep paying, in one way or another...

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Content vs. happy Posted: 8/13/2008 8:38:35 AM
I vote good post OP, as this is something I've mused upon. Since we're on a dating/relationship site, I guess the OP is specifically addressing 'content' while single vs 'happy' while in a relationship. Relationships, in my experience and observing those of others I know, are an emotional roller coaster; there are ecstatic highs of delerious joy, and bottomless lows of angst and heart-ache. Do the highs outweigh the lows? For me, yes, though I sometimes ask myself if it's worth getting on the love-roller coaster for another ride, especially when I look at friends and relatives in f*cked up relationships. Sounds like the OP's in a similar place. Shakespeare addressed it thus: Thy love is better than high birth to me, Richer than wealth, prouder than garments' cost, Of more delight than hawks and horses be; And having thee, of all men's pride I boast: Wretched in this alone, that thou mayst take All this away, and me most wretched make. (Sonnet XCI) So, happiness is great, but it comes at a price (as does anything worthwhile); there's always the possiblity that the other can snatch that happiness away from you at any time. The cost of that happiness is that you've given up your 'contentness' to the power of another who can you "most wretched make". Depending of course on how emotionally invested you are. Is content enough? Depends if you are willing to pay the price for (possibly fleeting) happiness.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

What's up with this? Posted: 8/12/2008 2:46:59 PM
Dunno, but I have the following recipe for (semi) happiness for you 1. Read "He's just not that into you" (HJNTIY) 2. Conclude that you are right and he is wrong (just WRONG!) and kick that useless-excuse-for-a-man to the curb, SISTAH! 3. Nod your head at the posters here who validate this POV 4. Ignore the posters who don't 5. Get together with your also-single girlfriends and compare notes over vino, just like SJP in SATC! 6. Agree that you are all MARVELLOUS and GORGEOUS and deserve IT ALL because YOU ARE WORTH IT! 7. Agree that life would be so much better if you just had the men that you DESERVE, and that they always gave you what you DESERVE! (you know what this is because you read it in HJNTIY) 8. Repeat 6-7 over further vino until drunk. 9. Wallow in mutual self-pity. 10. Go home. Alone. 11. Repeat 5-10 and 1. occasionally when the effect begins to wear off. 12. If, while not engaged in 5-9, loneliness becomes unbearable - get a dog. Of course, it's also possible that he's a selfish self-obsessed jerk and HJNTIY. You can probably read that in a book somewhere.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 368 (view)

Best bumper sticker Posted: 8/12/2008 1:56:52 PM
"If everything's coming your way, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG LANE!"

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 151 (view)

interesting old theory on what causes homosexuality Posted: 8/12/2008 1:44:10 PM
^^^^^ The adoption of Christianity, by the Roman Empire in the 4th century CE , with its essentially Semitic (previously only Jewish) prohibitive and repressive views towards sex and sexuality, started to change everything. True, but only 'here', where this indicates a vague western-centric location/mind-set. Other views and even realities prevail in other geographic locations and soceities, as you point out later on in your post. Getting back to the OP, I think the (so called) scientists are barking up the wrong tree here in trying to apply simple Dawinism where it does not apply, since it neglects reason. The theory only looks at motivations in a simplistic manner from the point of view of passing on the genes as if this is the only 'raison d-etre'. In fact it was originally, when reason did not exist, but when you throw a big enough brain into the mix, then the simple theory goes out of the window. IMO, human evolution and motivation cannot be explained in simple evolutionary terms. How to explain the phenomena of suicide, or suicidal altruism often observed in wars? How to explain 'Quixotic'? And back to the OP, how to explain homosexuality? The theory can't explain them, because it's too simplistic. In human beings, which can reason (well, some of them), evolution came up with something that completely transcends and goes far beyond it's reason (which is solely and completely replication). We humans may find the same thing if we ever perfect AI. However, this won't stop some of the big brains from coming up with more convoluted logic to try and bang a square peg into a round hole though. But, if we were to put THEIR motivation under a microscope, I wonder what we would find? Can we say 'research grant'!?

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 147 (view)

interesting old theory on what causes homosexuality Posted: 8/12/2008 12:28:24 PM
The article is interesting, but I see a fundamental flaw in its logic. The conundrum of homosexuality comes from equating it with an evolutionary dead-end, but why so? Homosexuals are not incapable of procreation - they're just not strongly sexually motivated by members of the opposite sex. Many homesexuals do, in fact, want to procreate and find ways to do so. Plenty of homosexual men have children, and 'swing' on the side. So, couldn't this have occured in the past, i.e. in 'evolutionary time', as it were? We recently had the Gay Pride festival here in Vancouver (which was a hoot!), so I guess the question seemed relevent :)

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

Why do some men act interested, then pull back? Posted: 8/12/2008 8:59:49 AM
I'll just address the initial question, and not bother with all the waffle that came after it. Men act interested, because initially we are. Yeah, Doh! This is because a) they don't know you and b) they're trying to get to know you. Isn't that the whole point of dating? So, they're getting to know you and, from YOUR perspective (not necessarily theirs), it's going well. This is especially the case if you are 'old fashioned' and the guy follows the dictates of 'traditional' dating which involves buying you stuff and proving he's "into you" in a gazillion tedious ways. But, certainly in the first few dates, he's NOT doing this because he likes you, or respects you or because things are going well from his perspective - he doesn't KNOW you! He's doing this mostly because that's what the rules say he should do. And maybe too he's just having some fun with dating - this is allowed. YOU of course interpret it differently - "Oh he likes me!" At some point, the guy has gotten to know you sufficiently and doesn't like what he's discovered. Or, to sugar-coat it a little more, maybe he doesn't like you enough (there, there, fragile ego). You might like to be pursued some more, but he doesn't think you are worth 'pursuing' (regardless of how marvellous a catch YOU think you are, or your friends tell you you are). So he drops you like a hot potatoe. All of a sudden you cry "Where did he go?", "...things were going so well!", "why did he act interested then pull back!" You see, the problem is it's all going on in YOUR head. You are seeing things only from YOUR perspective. This is another perspective - it may not be the correct one in this case, But it's one. But since it isn't very flattering to YOU, you might find it hard to swallow.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 111 (view)

How has dating become what it has???? Posted: 8/1/2008 3:22:13 PM
Yet, that's the way a woman is TRAINED by fathers all over, and mothers too...see the dilemma? Did I just read that? Are girls just trained like dogs then? Are they just pathetic beings incapable of thinking for themselves? Are they doomed to go through life like robots without an original thought in their heads, their entire existence controlled by their father's/mother's voice in their head? Geez, I guess some of them are. Best to avoid them I'm thinking.

coruja

Joined: 7/17/2006

Msg: 96 (view)

How has dating become what it has???? Posted: 8/1/2008 2:02:18 PM
However, women weren't raised that way We are honoured indeed to have with us the women elected to speak for all women everywhere. Come one and all, any question you need answered about women, 'sweethang' can answer for, as you see, she speaks for them all. Quite remarkable, I never thought I'd live to see it. Please, gentlemen (if such a thing exists anymore) a round of applause for the self-elected spokeswoman for all women.

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