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Thread: Did I catch him before he tried to use me for sex or did I jump the gun to fast???

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Did I catch him before he tried to use me for sex or did I jump the gun to fast??? Posted: 11/24/2009 4:18:11 AM
You caught him. I'm all for "testing the waters before getting in too deep". The problem for me is wanting to test the waters the VERY FIRST time you talk! So maybe I'm assuming this was your first conversation but I'll say that many men do start out that way. If that's the case, then he's not willing to put any time at all in before getting to sex. I love sex too...but it's not the first topic of conversation.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 79 (view)

Silent Sex Posted: 11/23/2009 4:51:47 PM
It seems like guys expect a lot of "feedback" which is okay....but....I'm not gonna moan and holler with every single touch and move you make! I hate feeling pressured to start breathing hard the second you nuzzle my neck! Guys need to return the favor because most men I've been with will barely even breathe hard like they don't want to give a woman the satisfaction of knowing something feels good or that somehow its not masculine?! It's way too controlled AND controlling.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

What does it mean when............... Posted: 11/15/2009 2:58:48 PM
Obviously not the reaction you were looking for...but I wouldn't necessarily mean the relationship was doomed. Seldom do two people fall in love with each other at exactly the same time - and I've heard studies saying men fall in love (or lust!) faster than women usually. Anyway, she could have been a bit nicer in her reaction but only you can say if you don't think she'll change her mind and come around given a little more time.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 66 (view)

independent women fall the hardest Posted: 11/15/2009 7:23:31 AM
Since when does independence and self-confidence automatically mean prideful? I'm sure we don't think of independent men as being prideful - for men it's NORMAL to be independent! lol Maybe that's the thing...women who get too independent and don't need men are uppity and need to be taken down?!

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

How to do safe cunnilingus?? Posted: 11/9/2009 5:45:26 PM
If you don't have a dental dam you can just unroll a condom and cut it down the side.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 122 (view)

Casual blowjobs Posted: 11/9/2009 5:42:13 PM
I think it's interesting that some guy is trying to encourage women to do what they've always done (to give without getting much of anything in return) by giving out casual blowjobs. Oral is great, but with somebody who's gonna return the favor! Otherwise, get lost!

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Planning a date Posted: 11/8/2009 6:55:48 AM
On a first date I'd like the guy to pretty much make all the plans....with the idea that he's smart enough to plan something that's likely to please! Like don't suggest sushi unless she says she likes it! So he's showing his intelligence by picking a place with a good variety of food, drink choices or whatever...then being flexible enough with the rest of the plans to maybe say - would like you like to "go ____for dessert or would you rather take a walk through the park?"

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Sha said yes to a date, but doesnt really seem interested, Please help! Posted: 11/8/2009 6:41:15 AM
I think my advice is along the lines of having a "long courtship but short engagement". What I mean is you can take your time deciding whether or not to actually go on a date with someone, but once you decide to ask her out, try to do it SOON. Don't set it up 3 weeks down the road...it's hard to sustain excitement and can make for some awkward phone calls waiting for the date to happen. If your schedules are sooooooo busy you can't set a date within a week or so then maybe you have other issues anyway... I know once I have a date arranged I almost DON'T want to talk to them because I want to "save up" conversation and things to talk about! ...and I almost feel like I'll jinx things by talking a lot before the date actually happens.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

women who say i'm really busy or i have a finite amount of time... Posted: 11/8/2009 6:33:43 AM
It's easy to say "if I'm really interested, I'll find the time". Problem is getting the time to find out if you're interested! People have trouble committing their precious resources unless they have a sure-thing relationship they think they're getting into. Who wants to waste time going on 3 dates and then find out you're not compatible? So I'm being facetious here because I don't make snap decisions about people and I DO have to commit time before I have a 100% lock on whether this is the guy I'll spend the rest of my life with....get real people! It's not easy finding a good relationship so make up your mind ahead of time to give it the time and committment required!

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 67 (view)

Creepy Posted: 11/8/2009 6:17:52 AM
He sounds creepy and conceited. In the future this kind of behavior might jump out at you a little earlier, having seen this. You can either turn down the date based on the suspicion that he won't give you much of a real chance or play his own game: Limit your own "loss" by being sure you drive equal distances to the date (or maybe even a little less for you than him!) or only agree to drinks rather than dinner. It sucks that rather than really giving each other a chance on a date you immediately just try to protect yourself by making it easy to bail at the first possible negative sign - probably means the relationship is doomed anyway....

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Pre-Date Agreements Posted: 11/8/2009 6:11:36 AM
One way to get around the "awkwardness" of sharing all this very personal info up-front with a potential date would be to create a very premium dating service that would check out all this stuff for their members as part of "pre-qualifying" their members. Not sure how realistic that would be but it's an idea for a new business.....background check including credit check, make them get a medical check-up including std's every 6 months (or whatever), etc.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

How much contact is too much? Posted: 11/8/2009 6:04:15 AM
Even in this day and age most women expect men to do the contacting, at least at the very beginning. After that though it needs to get roughly reciprocal pretty fast. It's a bad sign if you're texting 3 times and she only texts you back once.... If this happens, back off for awhile and let her be the one to call or text you first and if she doesn't, then you have your answer that's she's just not that into you!

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 94 (view)

Is porn ruining real live sex? Posted: 11/8/2009 5:56:46 AM
Whether people admit it or not, they are curious about how other people have sex, and it's not too likely you'll see many other people having sex unless it's through porn. That said, porn is not real, it's meant to appeal to men mostly...and because porn DOES get boring the scenes have to keep topping the last. Used to be oral was big, but how tame is that now! haha So all this stuff that really doesn't happen much in real life or at least not in the same way is what is commonplace in porn. Problem is re-training the men and their expectations...and retrainng yourself as a woman to not feel bad if you don't look and react like porn stars do.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 57 (view)

He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned? Posted: 11/8/2009 5:47:22 AM
yeah, it's kind of a red flag. On the other hand, maybe he's overly sensitive about having recently turned 40 - most of us can say that even if WE don't feel the difference between being 39 and 40 that we've seen how some others react to it! So be on the lookout, but it might be he's not concerned about age and doesn't feel the need to share that info on a first or 2nd date. In the "real world", I bet you wouldn't ask for someone's exact age quite that fast and you wouldn't be able to prove if they were fibbing or not until a lot later. The online world has definitely changed the dating experience and messed with our expectations....

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Shoud i lower my standereds? Posted: 11/8/2009 5:41:05 AM
Your standards are your standards...IMO they're a bit stringent, especially no drinking at all, but based on your past I can understand it. In general, there are probably a fair number of women meeting your standards. Thing is, in your line of work I think you're gonna have a VERY hard time hitting all three of these. You will need to make big efforts to really go outside your usual environment to have a good chance - I'm not saying it's impossible, but take a look at your audience! You better start looking in church groups, community colleges, etc. and see what you find there.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 71 (view)

Ladies: Where do you want your guy to dump his load? Posted: 11/1/2009 9:54:44 AM
Hey you silver-tongued devil, when you put it like that (Where do you want your guy to dump his load?) I'd say either your hand or a trash can. If you can't be either hot or romantic, keep it to yourself!

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Condom Slippage Issue Posted: 10/18/2009 9:21:34 AM
NEVER double-bag - using two condoms greatly increases the risk of breakage - latex on top of latex is way too much friction!

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

Are women bothered by being called miss/ma'am? Posted: 10/17/2009 4:11:43 PM
"Ms." works for everyone....but few women will be insulted by "miss" because it implies someone who is young. Technically, you shouldn't be dating anyone you call ma'm because that's short for "madam" ...which means she's married.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Do guys worry too much about the physical? Posted: 10/15/2009 9:37:42 AM
Uhm...it may be POSSIBLE but not too many women orgasm on emotion and fantasy alone. There has to be some external manipulation so don't think skill doesn't matter! Step up and learn what she likes.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

Why is Wife Superiority (Superior Wife Syndrome) so bad for a marriage? Posted: 10/10/2009 4:03:26 PM
I think women who do this are crazy...their men have pretended to be idiots so that the women have to step in to get something done "right"! I ran myself ragged in my first marriage...never again. Personally, it pisses me off when I see women out mowing the yard...certainly not because I'm old-fashioned but because most men do so damned little, if they aren't mowing the yard it's likely they aren't doing ANYTHING to help out. Women unite...and lower your standards a bit so that you can get the "help" you deserve. And if you really MUST be the CEO then make sure your husband actually does some work as a real employee!

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Apologizing? Posted: 10/8/2009 4:04:26 PM
I'm irritated by people who think the mere act of saying "I'm sorry" automatically fixes the wrong that was done. It's not hard to say the words, it's tougher to actually mean it, take action to rectify the situation and then change the offensive behavior going forward. Actions DO speak louder than words. Too many people apologize just to get "off the hook" and end the argument or whatever...and they can't even tell you what they're apologizing for!

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 122 (view)

Are men that cook better for a relationship? Posted: 9/29/2009 3:58:12 PM
In general, the more "skills" a partner has the more they have to offer and the more likely they are to match up with what someone else is looking for. If I like food, a guy who cooks is great....on the other hand, if I love takeout food, it won't be any advantage at all. It's all about upping your odds...so yeah - bring on the Renaissance men!

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 306 (view)

The shaving craze Posted: 9/29/2009 3:53:44 PM
Why can't people accept that this is a personal preference? Why do we all have to justify our personal preferences by making everyone else a freak? I'll say one thing - if I was in a good relationship with someone THIS would be WAY down on the list of things to break up over! In issues of body hair I find my preferences change to match the attributes of whoever I'm dating...because WHO they are has a huge positive influence over how I perceive such minor factors.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

Trying to work through my feelings on casual sex Posted: 9/29/2009 3:42:30 PM
Also, OP - I think you're being a bit disingenuous when you say you're "working through your feelings". You seem to have it all figured out and really seeking affirmation or to convince everyone else of the merits of your arguments.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

Trying to work through my feelings on casual sex Posted: 9/29/2009 3:32:26 PM
Sure...who wouldn't prefer sex within a wonderful relationship. But let's face it...great relationships, even good relationships are few and far between. After being sexless for a number of YEARS (yes, you read that correctly) I decided I didn't want to end up forcing a relationship into something it wasn't to justify finally getting some sex! Hey, sex is not the highest pinnacle to be achieved AFTER everything else in a relationship! To me, sex is NOT the cherry on top. It's just plain fun and good...and it can be even better in a good relationship but I'm just not gonna wait! Because I don't believe sex DOOMS a relationship. I don't have sex on a first date...but I don't think having sex on the 3rd, or 6th, or 10th date dooms it to be a meaningless fling, either. So grow up everyone! I'll do what I want to feel good about me and myself...you do what YOU want to do...and let's not have to prove to everyone else who's right and who's wrong. What works for one doesn't work for the other...there is no ONE right answer. Wow...a lot of words just to get to the point that people are complex individuals and that can make life complicated too! P.S. I have pretty high regard for most folks and I don't have to know them for a year or even a week to "see them as real people" and respect them. I have to wonder what kind of people take soooo long to see people as real...and only THEN can they finally have sex with them. That kinda makes me think the person's who takes so long is inclined to first look down on people until they prove themselves worthy.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 112 (view)

What do you enjoy about one night stands? Posted: 9/21/2009 3:29:18 PM
Eh....I think men generally like ONS more than women because it's relatively easier for them to get off. I say "generally" and "relatively" knowing that there are exceptions. But I know that I need certain things that it usually takes a bit more experience with someone before that clicks...so other than whatever sheer excitement there is in novelty, a ONS wouldn't be very satisfying.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 95 (view)

I can't hear you guys. Posted: 9/14/2009 7:44:54 PM
I don't get all the guys talking about how they grew up "having to be quiet"...like we women didn't have the same constraints? Yes, women practice "self-love" too...and had the same issues with parents, roommates, whatever. Somehow we managed to get beyond it and now can practice healthy self-expression!

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 45 (view)

How many share STD blood test results? Posted: 9/9/2009 8:41:03 PM
You need to be even more skeptical. The tests detect antibodies that our system creates as a reaction to the infection. If you check the FDA website you will see that it can be as short as 3 or 4 weeks or as long as 6 months or anywhere in between for these antibodies to appear. That is what makes the test useless as a guarantee that one is "clean." For a couple getting together they would have to have no sex (condoms only 97% reliable) for 6 months then get tested. Then toss the condoms out the window if both are clean. Well, Good Chum....nothing in this world is guaranteed..I'm sure you'd be safer if you both got tested and waited a year while using condoms...but you can't guarantee your partner was faithful...so I guess you should NEVER stop using condoms...except condoms don't guard 100%...sooooooooo: we all take calculated risks...but you may calculate what's acceptable differently than I do.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 63 (view)

I can't hear you guys. Posted: 9/7/2009 5:33:16 AM
You have to hear something from them, if only to know that you're doing something right....I love that little growl in the back of the throat!

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

Compromise or no? Posted: 9/5/2009 1:33:07 PM
Absolute B.S., op.... Here is an excerpt from his profile: I have diverse tastes ... I like people who can bring something new to the table. Ideally, I'd like someone who is somewhat different from me in order to complement my personality.... The more open-minded you are, the better chance of us being compatible. People always think they're unqiue, but in my experience, most people fall in to the mainstream whether they are aware of it or not!....I think outside the box in most areas... ... as long as you have a firm handle on who you are, what you can offer and are genuine. I'm not here to moralize, nor judge.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

Moms and young men Posted: 9/2/2009 4:12:52 PM
The whole cougar...younger man, older woman thing is fantastic. But let's not kid ourselves ladies - a woman may be "older" into her 40's...after that you're approaching "elderly" in many's eyes. We really haven't come all that far...

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 124 (view)

Rim Job? Posted: 9/2/2009 3:56:50 PM
Definitely true, majyk1! Everyone likes to think they are "above average" or in this case, kinky. But anyone who is a tiny bit MORE KINKY than they are must be a PERVERT!! It's hilarious.....

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

How many share STD blood test results? Posted: 9/2/2009 3:42:47 PM
I'm not sure I understand the selfishness of having std tests done and NOT sharing the results! Certainly it will help you make "your case" if you can show you're clean. Also, std tests are becoming more sensitive all the time such that I believe even HIV tests only need a month or two (after initial infection) to show up as positive. Not perfect, but still very helpful in making decisions about whether or not to have sex...also, it's a shorter period of time during which you'd NOT have sex and get retested just to be on the safe side.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

why do women include their employment Posted: 3/31/2009 3:23:57 PM
Maybe they're worried about being thought a gold digger? Seems like outside of being a slut, that's the worst thing a woman can be on here. Might as well try to set the right tone from the beginning. Beyond that, if I really like my work and "identify" with it then why not mention it?!

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 63 (view)

Jack Hammer Sex and checking the merchandise out Posted: 3/10/2009 8:01:17 PM
Hahahah - do you really think you'll get an honest answer on his size? Even if he thinks he's being honest he's probably still gonna be wrong. Just take a tape measure and check him out yourself on your first coffee date...lol

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

How to ask about oral? Posted: 3/6/2009 6:51:26 PM
I hate to say it, but if you've been giving for a few months and he hasn't reciprocated then he's definitely NOT into it. And you're being waaaay too shy about it.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Silent Sex Posted: 2/26/2009 4:13:14 PM
You touch her nipples and get no response. You stroke her belly and get no response. You get more and more involved and you get no response. Afterwards, she says nothing -- never letting you know what she liked the most or liked the least. I don't think it's, per se, strange ... it's not weird, really. But you're sharing extremely exiting, personal,(sometimes overwhelming) moments with someone and it means A LOT to the other partner that things are going well, that you share their sense of excitement or pleasure. If a woman is silent through the whole process, even during the most exciting parts, one begins to suspect you're doing something wrong. Women who "just lay there" are dumped because their partner's don't feel the charge of turning them on. Half the fun is how your partner is doing and you're robbing them of any clues. Totally agree with ya, heptone. OP - maybe you don't feel the need to make noise but sometimes ya gotta "fake it until you make it"! No, not like women faking orgasms (that's waaaay bad)...but I'll bet that if you consciously make an effort to just breath heavily and to let out a few sighs and moans, it will quickly become very natural for you. It won't hurt you to try and it'll help your partner a great deal.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 65 (view)

Help convince Wife? Posted: 2/25/2009 8:05:52 PM
See if she perks up a bit at the idea of MMF threesome! Or does that not perk YOU up?

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

The Merkin... Posted: 2/24/2009 4:35:03 AM
Uhm...considering how most foks are seemingly disgusted with anything except the completely shaven look, wearing a merkin would likely be grounds for committal!

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

dateing an older woman. Posted: 2/23/2009 7:02:21 PM
Why not ask? And I think if the woman is ONLY looking for entertainment she would certainly consider you! So don't expect a serious relationship but hope for a fun fling and you might just get it.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

Realistic fantasies that women might have. Posted: 2/19/2009 7:20:27 PM
I'm thinking about throwing the ol girl on girl story in there and sex outdoors ... Uhmmmm - so are you making stuff up or do you want the real thing? I'm sure you can find at least one woman who goes for any fantasy a guy comes up with...but the "girl on girl" and outdoors fantasies sound suspiciously male to me. So are you just projecting your own stuff or what? If that's the case what about a good ole fashioned tickle fight or sleep over with the girls? And girl on girl "behind bars" action is a classic!!!

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 34 (view)

Do you try Anal with a Woman or do you ask first? Posted: 2/17/2009 3:42:39 PM
If you don't even know "how to incorporate anal" then you are way too inexperienced to even think about trying it - read up first or you'll do some real damage. And believe me, if you don't ask her first, you'll never get another chance with that woman again. Grow up and figure some stuff out. BTW - why do some people completely lack any empathy? How would YOU feel if somebody did something like that to YOU without even asking? You're just a child...

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 517 (view)

Starting to get turned off with shaved women Posted: 2/17/2009 3:38:42 PM
Hmmm - maybe it's men being generally pissed that they'll likely end up going bald at some point so they feel the need to impose their issue on women and make them shave?!

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 61 (view)

where does the cum really go? Posted: 2/11/2009 3:26:42 PM
Thanks for the stats....I'm soooo glad that as a woman my orgasms last CONSIDERABLY longer than 4 seconds!!!!!!!

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Do Women Know If She Will Sleep With You In 10 Secondes? Posted: 2/11/2009 3:23:08 PM
The belief that people make up their minds within seconds or minutes is an "easy out" for people who don't want to put any effort into their interactions. What's the point, the other person has already decided, right?! The other side of the coin are those people who believe that if they don't feel that spark within 5 minutes then it ain't gonna happen... Both of these types are just lazy - they want someone to leap into their arms and have an instant, passionate, loving relationship with absolutely no looking or effort on their part. These folks can BELIEVE whatever they want...but they won't end up in any good relationships...and the sad thing is that it will only serve to PROVE to them that they are right to believe that way!!

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

I Sleep On A Futon Posted: 2/7/2009 8:55:43 AM
Clean sheets are about a thousand times more important...and a clean bathroom with a toilet she won't be afraid to sit on is good too!

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Too much in common? Posted: 2/6/2009 3:15:12 PM
I think it is possible....I don't want a twin of myself...I want to learn and grow. I'd rather find someone who is exciting because he is complementary to me than exciting because he's a "bad boy"! Yes, there needs to be a certain core of things you share as a couple but beyond that, you need some differences for the spice.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 124 (view)

Does anal sex count? Posted: 1/23/2009 1:59:59 PM
Funny that so many are defining sex in terms of something inserted into something else....cunnilingus doesn't count? And according to this definition hand jobs don't count either...but french kisses do?! I think we need a much better definition...sex is in the mind of the beholder, who cares how the other person defines it? We get so hung up over "sex"...unless you're making it a legal issue it's silly.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

oral Posted: 1/6/2009 5:35:07 PM
No - touch is not enough! It appears you aren't willing to settle yourself...am I right? You think any woman hasn't had at least one bad experience with a guy? Suck it up and quit making excuses.

Joined: 7/26/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Change- oh the horror Posted: 12/21/2008 9:45:28 AM
I think it's very righteous to say you shouldn't ask anyone to change (even in the slightest) because you should take or leave people as they are. Perhaps...but that makes it easy for YOU too, does it not? You needn't put yourself out at all, if someone doesn't like something about you, then eff YOU! I'm not so sure about myself that I'm not open to hearing someone's viewpoint. Of course I have to decide for myself if it's something real, something I think is worth changing, etc. But that involves a bit of effort on my part rather than a quick, easy, dismissive -" YOU SHOULD NEVER ASK ME TO CHANGE!" attitude. If you're in a healthy relationship then there's a certain trust that you see some value in their opinion and you owe them some consideration. Nope, they don't control you and you don't control them...as usual, the middle road is the most difficult.

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