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 Author Thread: People addicted to electronics
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 29 (view)
 
People addicted to electronics
Posted: 5/15/2013 11:57:28 AM
Society will catch up and these issues will self correct over time.

While Im not an addict to smart phones, I do have one. I love being able to google anything, anytime. I love the directions apps (I am directionally challenged). I love the fact I can make a shopping list on my phone and add to it and remove from it as I need to and refer to it whenever Im shopping. I never forget anything anymore. I love that my son can get hold of me pretty much 24/7 in the event there is an emergency situation and that I can get hold of him for same reasons. Basically, Im carrying a small computer with me at all times. I think it is pretty cool myself.

I also have almost run over people because they were not looking where they were going. While I laugh at the comments about natural selection...I wouldnt wish the nightmare of taking a life on anyone...you would be charged with manslaughter where I live...even if they were to determine that you didnt cause the accident it is a huge hassle to go through and it takes a long time to get sorted. If you think you have issues dating now, try dating with a charge of manslaughter on your record...lolol

My son will be 21 this year. He is still learning the rules...he has made mistakes communicating with it...but that is how we humans learn, by trying things and failing. I say those who have never failed, simply never try anything new. Pretty safe...but pretty boring.

Ettiquette will catch up eventually-people will raise thier kids to pay attention to where they are going even if they are carrying a smart phone. This is all new...many parents dont have one and therefor dont underscore the importance. Once these tools are commonplace and a couple of generations have lived with them, society will adjust. It always does. Those who dont, just get left behind.

On another note...I can unplug anytime, and do frequently. I alert the people who would be concerned...and I unplug. I love nature and living off the grid excites me. Doesnt mean I will deny that a tool is helpful to many people just because I can unplug.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Canadian Forces life
Posted: 5/15/2013 11:26:26 AM
Yes, but post 9...if a corporation job is not to his liking and he leaves, he wont be jailed for abandonment. Not as much negative fall out for leaving a corporation.

On topic...Op...any job where one travels or has to live away from family is going to make getting to know someone new difficult. However...I know many people who travel for work and while it was tough at times, they all managed to land very nice spouses and make a family. It is not impossible.

My cousin serves and was married a few years ago. He met a lady whose parents were military and she was already accustomed to that lifestyle-she actually preferred military men over other types. They are out there. You will have to be patient.

Good luck and thank you for serving.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 94 (view)
 
Separated status - does it really matter? Why?
Posted: 5/15/2013 11:01:34 AM
I dont lump all seperated folks into one bucket in real life. Online...I wanted pretty much nothing to do with them. That is my perogotive after all.

It is very different to run into someone and have them tell you in a public place, right in front of thier own children/parents/co workers that they are seperated...and another completely different thing to listen to people online state they are seperated when they think no one will ever know. The online stories are rarely the truth. The real life story is vetted pretty much instantly if he is willing to state that in front of his children/parents/coworkers. I have no way of vetting a strangers tale and having a life means I dont have the time required to vet those stories by meeting each and every one of them 'to be fair'.

As well, some of us legally single folk are wanting to get married one day, or re married. If a man is still legally joined to another, he cannot marry and I dont see the point in investing my emotions in someone who is not capable legally to go in the same direction I am legally capable of.


Did I perhaps miss out on a gem of a man? Very possibly. However, the gem of a man I did find, met my legal requirements right off the bat and things like that make the sailing go smoother in my opinion. So...while I may have missed out in the short haul, (like having dates every weekend)I certainly didnt miss out in end. I wouldnt change a thing!

The best relationships are between equals. I wanted in a man, with what I bring to the table- a legally single person, all baggage neatly packed and put away and ready to start a new life. I met a man just like that because I held out and weeded out zillions of men who were not like that.

I would categorize anyone who was just getting out of a common law arrangement or long term relationship in the same way. Not ready for me. Not in the same place as I am. On a different leg of thier journey. Not a horrible thing, just not for me at this time in my life.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Met once, now I'm just a text buddy?
Posted: 5/15/2013 10:26:41 AM
Stop trying to read peoples minds...if someone is not showing you with thier actions that they are interested in getting to know you, just leave them behind. The people who are serious about meeting you, will actually follow through.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Learn to Take a Hint...I Don't Want to Be Cruel
Posted: 5/15/2013 10:07:39 AM

And if you're wondering why I take this approach, lets just say that I've run into some crazies when I have been upfront and honest. Anybody else use similar tactics?


BS.

People only act crazy for the most part, when someone is playing games and purposely confusing them. I personally, when in the early stages of getting to know someone will drop men who make me feel confused instantly because I have come to learn that if a man is actually interested in forging a trustful respectful relationship with me, the last thing he wants is for me to feel confused. And yes, I tell them exactly why I am stopping getting to know them. I have no issue with telling someone that I feel uncomfortable. How they react is all on them.

It isnt fun being honest and upfront, but I have also learned that the right thing to do is never the easiest thng to do.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Questions about charm?
Posted: 5/13/2013 12:10:10 PM
If a grown woman cannot tell you what she feels is lacking between you two....but tells you to 'step it up'...she is a player and using you. A woman who actually likes you just wont do this.

A woman who likes you will make it easy to please her, by communicating what her needs are.

Now, on the other hand, if you are purposely holding back so as not to 'get hurt'...she may be feeling your reluctance and simply reacting to that.

In dating you have to be all in or out, the wishy washy 'Im afraid to get hurt' types actually get hurt most as they are too guided by not getting hurt to take the risks needed to succeed. You are either all healed and ready to date, or stay home and hang with friends. You 'give' for the joy of doing so, and not 'to get' something in return...or you dont do it at all.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Getting Together
Posted: 5/13/2013 11:58:16 AM
So...she reacts to stress by becoming needy and aggressive...you dont like that and dump her...and 5 long months later you miss her and e amail her again...and think it may be allright to get back together.

What is your plan if her life gets stressful again? Cause it is bound to and you already dont like how she acts under pressure...great plan you have there. Tell us more.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 11 (view)
 
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 3:15:22 PM
It is not impossible that this can work...it is also not impossible to win the lottery...I give them the same odds actually.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 14 (view)
 
How to tell if you've moved past friends with benefits
Posted: 5/10/2013 10:31:33 AM
Only way to tell anything is to be adult enough to sit down and talk about it with the person you are having a fwb relationship with.

If you can have sex with him, you should be able to talk with him. If you dont feel you can discuss this with him, Id say you are not progressing in any way towards a different kind of relationship. That takes communication.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Kermit Gosnell alledged murderer.
Posted: 5/10/2013 7:08:09 AM
I guess stories like this force people to really think about what they believe is the right thing to do. Even pro choicers are not comfortable with what happened in this case. It isnt a comfortable feeling for some people.

I also think people here are literally sick of this debate. (abortion)

The March for Life also recieved NO media attention. Im a little glad for that personally. I myself am tired of the debate. I want women to be able to choose.

I myself think the stories coming out of this are horrible. The doctor AND the women who sought the proceudre so late in preganancy are sick, in my opinion.

I believe in the right to choose, but NOT after 16 weeks. I have my own 'logic' for this thought process.

These are just my personal opinions and no amount of bashing will change that. I have been bashed pretty much my entire life for feeling this way (I was raised roman catholic...lol!!) So nothing anyone can say here on a free dating site anonomously is going to sway my opinion or make me feel bad for my belief system.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Guns, guns, guns..
Posted: 5/8/2013 10:49:02 AM
If I were you, Id keep the photo, it will ward off the types you wouldnt want in your life anyways.

Personally, I am not afraid if guns. I am only afraid when I am around people that I dont think are mature enough to handle the responsibility of ownership.

I come from a long line of men who dont shop for food, so guns are not something that offends me at all.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Do divorced people stay friends with their in-laws?
Posted: 5/8/2013 10:44:53 AM
I am friendly with all former in laws...but I wouldnt say we are friends in the way I use the word friend. They are not welcome to drop by un announced like my friends are for example...but if I run into them when out n about, I am freindly with them. I am friendly when they approach me abut anything related to my son, which we all share a love for....but I dont make social plans outside of familial obligations with the former in laws like I do with actual friends.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 24 (view)
 
What's with this Take Time To Heal advice?
Posted: 5/7/2013 8:51:11 AM
OP, your first mistake is comparing losing a spouse/mate to losing 'things'.

I have lost 'things'...and yes, I re built, and as aweful as it was re building what was lost, the entire time you know what got me through? At least I still have my family/son/loved ones. You cannot compare these two things.

To me is is very immature to think a person can just be replaced overnight with no impact.

I have seen people run into a new relationship days within the other one ending, only to find themselves in exactly the same pickle years later...wanting out and looking for someone new again, so dont tell me rushing out and getting someone new is a good solution-it only puts off the unavoidable-self reflection-what role did I play in these issues etc...which absolutely needs to be done before jumping right back into a new relationship....unless you want to be on some hamster wheel for life always running from one short lived fling to another, breaking hearts all along the way. Not my cuppa though. I have a high regard for my impact to other hearts and that is how I carry myself daily.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 52 (view)
 
My Boyfriend's Dog
Posted: 5/7/2013 8:00:47 AM
I know the bleeding hearts will hate me but whatever...

A dog that has not been shown/trained on the house rules should be in a kennel when a human being cannot be watching them. This is for thier safety. A dog eating the material on clothing will end up needing a surgery at some point because he WILL eat something too large one day and his stomach will flip in his cavity and cause death. So, if there is a dog in in your home and you KNOW he eats clothes, grab a brain and kennel it when your eyes are busy elsewhere. That is, if you actually are a dog person as you stated a million times in your opening post.

Second-the minute you enter someone's home and you see with your own two eyes that he has no control over his animal that is when you leave until he can show you he has taken back that control. You dont proceed entering, getting attached and then months later have drama over it,. You act in the moment by removing yourself and your own dog from a situation where lack of control can cause danger to your own dog.

My dogs are very obedient. If I took them somewhere and other humans were allowing thier dogs to act poorly...I would leave immediately. I would never risk an out of control dog biting my dog or derailing all of the hard work I put into training my dogs.

What were you thinking OP? I can only deduce you were thinking with the tingles between your legs and not any part of your brain. If you are such a dog person how could you have been attracted to someone who was basically mis treating thier dog by not training it properly??

Close the door when humping, pick up your dirty clothes and read a book or two written by Cesar Millan or Brad Pattison. Sounds like neither of you know anything abour raising a well behaved dog. People like this make me angry because dogs get put to death when they bite someone, yet the stupid human actually caused it by allowing the dog to think it is in control in the first place.....

I show my dogs that I love them by not letting them develop bad habits to begin with. They will never be a burden to someone else....that is how you love a dog, not by letting the dogwhatever they please. Dogs are not happy like that. If they were, they wouldnt be nipping and chewing peoples clothes/hands/skin! A happy dog has no desire to DO those things!! A happy dog is a tired and controlled dog!!! The crave boundarie, like small children do. Set some! If the man you date wont...leave the situation until he shows he can.

I met plenty of 'dog lovers' while dating. Some of them were damned cute...but they didnt even raise an eyebrow when we sat together and thier own dog growled at me. I never met those men again. A man who allows his dog to growl at me is NOT the man for ME. I would never allow my dog to growl at someone I was meeting. If they did, I would correct them immediatly.

My suggestion would be to leash this dog 24/7 when not kenneled so as to prevent it from doing things that are unacceptable/dangerous to its health. Leashing to a human that is, not to an object. Teach the dog he cannot do anything without masters consent.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 31 (view)
 
..He's 59...but doesn't act like it
Posted: 5/6/2013 11:21:21 AM
OP, when I do something I know I am 'right about'...it doesnt matter who comes along afterwards and tries to make me feel bad.

So, if you honestly feel 'right' about donating his clothes, as at the time you felt you were directed by him to toss them, then anything someone else says shouldnt bother you.

The fact it does bother you tells me you are not being 100% honest here.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Requirements for what I'm interested in?
Posted: 5/6/2013 11:10:04 AM
There is nothing wrong with stating what you like and dont like in a woman's physique...just know the pof dating gods will send you zillions of e-mails from ladies who do nothing for you physically, regardless.

I wrote in mine that I didnt want to date men with young children, and 99% who wrote me had a baby on thier laps in thier profiles. Ahhh...the irony.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Would you 'date' a guy with mental health issues?
Posted: 5/6/2013 10:51:10 AM
Everyone has mental issues...some have seen a doctor and got diagnosed, while others have not. Some are mild and some are not.

Soo...yeah, I have and if I was dating again, would likely again date someone with a mental issue....we all have them to some degree.

Show me someone who claims 100% mental health and Ill show you someone who is sick in the head. lol
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Something I've noticed on most profiles
Posted: 5/1/2013 1:26:42 PM
Well Op, many look at online as just a way to meet new people and they are not going to want a commitment from a stranger. Most people dont contemplate a committed relationship until they have someone in ther life they would be willing to commit to...so I can see having that as thier 'looking for'...and if they did have 'wants a long term relationship', many men would asume they are bunny boilers.

Not to mention, there actually are ladies who are content with never having a long term relationship.

This means you will have to ask the individuals involved what they mean on thier profiles as it means different things to different people.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 9 (view)
 
When did burning candles get so complicated?!
Posted: 4/30/2013 1:55:29 PM
Only light a candle if you have the time to allow it to burn long enough for the entire top surface to melt. This works out to about half an hour per inch of surface. If you blow one out before the entire top surface has melted, it wont burn evenly all the way down.

So, if you know you are only home for an hour, only light a tea light and save those larger candles for when you know you can leave it lit for at least an hour.

My Mom taught us this as kids and to this day, my candles when finished look like a coaster for a drink.....all flat, no waste at all.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Extreme body mods
Posted: 4/30/2013 1:25:04 PM

femaleconnection

If you were getting jiggy with someone and went to go down their pants and they said "I have silicon beads implanted in my penis", don't you think it would kill the mood a little? :)


Yes, but Id rather get a 'heads up' verbally....lol...if two people can swap spit,. they should be able to talk about thier body to one another.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Extreme body mods
Posted: 4/30/2013 12:16:21 PM
Sometime between the moment of necking and reaching into your pants you gotta bring this up....No point in telling the ladies who wont even neck with you though....lol
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
 
compatibility and kids
Posted: 4/29/2013 1:03:09 PM
First, dont write anyone back who viewed you or pops up in one of those 'so and so wants to meet you' to tell them you are not interested...they will just look at you like you have three heads. These flags are not enough to determine they are actually interested. I view people all day long and dont want to date any of them. It means nothing.

As for not wanting children, you are not alone.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Should you hold hands, flirt physcially, or kiss the first time you MEETUP?
Posted: 4/29/2013 12:49:42 PM
I dont think there is a right way or a wrong way...two people either fall in synch, or they dont. I am a slow grower when it comes to feelings of trust so on a first date or meet (where I never saw the person before in real life) I dont do much touching...but that doesnt mean others should not. If the vibe is there and you feel it, go for it. I flirt verbally mostly at first. A hug is nice if Im feeling comfortable...not much more than that the first time out for myself. Im just very reserved that way, doesnt mean every one should do things my way.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Mother abducting child
Posted: 4/29/2013 11:44:19 AM
Which ever parent files for custody first gains most power in these matters. If your son does it, it could force Mommy to come back and go to court in Ontario. File NOW!!!
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 24 (view)
 
If you're thinking about reconnecting with someone...
Posted: 4/29/2013 10:34:17 AM
Op, stop making excuses for scratching the same old scab over and over again.

I dont care what you feel inside.

Having crushy feelings doesnt give you the right to trample over someones relationship. Be a man, wish her well and let her go! Stop the contact, heal yourself and demand better women in the future. Women who wont sneak behind thier finaces back to shag other men for starters.

Why do so many men want women who clearly dont want them back?

Ask yourself why a woman in such a shiatty state in life turns you on? There is where you need to spend A LOT of time OP. On your own self and not worrying about what she is doing, or why. Why are YOU accepting this?
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Shy men are a waste of time?
Posted: 4/26/2013 1:25:45 PM
If you dont care for shy men, then dont bother to try and meet men once you find out they are shy. Its pretty simple.

Im shy and if some man didnt like it, Id rather he just move on to someone who better suits him than try and change me or make me feel bad for who I am.

Some say I may have missed out because I am shy, but seeing as I have been dating the man of my dreams I dont think so...I say things have worked out just fine. He likes me, he likes that Im shy/demure. He isnt attracted to women who like to be center stage so to speak.

Dont think that because a shy man missed out on knowing you that he missed out on anything, his dream gal likes shy men. Things have a way of working out for the best.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Am i being silly?
Posted: 4/26/2013 11:08:31 AM
Op, like us gals, every man is different. Stop judging new men from past mens actions and only base your judgement of THIS man, on HIS actions.

Also, dont ever have sex unless you want sex. Dont have sex hoping it will get you somethng other than an orgasm (ie a relationship). If you have sex because you hope it will lead to a relationship, and his feelings stop growing towards you, you will be one of those women who feel 'used' for sex...and that is pathetic.

Have fun, know what you want and enjoy him. But dont get onto this if you cannot handle the prospect that most times, peoples feelings stop growing and not all relationships last forever. Having sex wont keep him around if he loses that spark for you, and denying sex wont make him like you more...just be true to yourself and be comfortable with your own boundaries. The rest falls into place. (maybe not with THIS guy, but eventually)

I mean...if you had sex with a man, and afterwards for whatever reason, you started to lose those crushy feelings for him, would you feel obligated to date him forever? This goes both ways and if you cannot handle the risk, dont date.

Good luck
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 45 (view)
 
What I've noticed first coming onto this sight
Posted: 4/25/2013 7:37:43 AM
OP, it is always best to just speak for your own self.

I am the least nervous or anxious person anyone can meet. I have been accused in fact of not caring enough about things because I am 'too laid back'....So...yeah, you dont speak for other members on pof. If Im smiling, it is because I feel like smiling. No underlying issues. Not everyone suffers from the same disorders yaknow.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 7 (view)
 
He acted like he was doing me a favour by dating me.
Posted: 4/24/2013 9:02:21 AM
He is one of those guys who needs to date 'damsels in distress' and has you pegged as one. ugh

I personally would not be attracted to a man like that. I dont insult men like this, they just are not suited to myself. I cannot pretend to be helpless, and I am not helpless so this type gets bored with me pretty quick anyways.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Is her flirting with me? I'm lost.
Posted: 4/23/2013 8:18:46 AM
Sounds like she was flirting with you...but in your shoes I'd ignore that. She works with you and tells you about hooking up with other men...wouldnt be a good mix for myself.

Just because someone flirts with you doesnt mean you have to jump at it.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Being a lawyer/doctor doesn't give you an edge...
Posted: 4/22/2013 11:03:29 AM
Years ago I met a man from here who was 3rd year law.

We had some great chats and met for a coffee.

I was enjoying myself until he said something along the lines of 'you are the type of woman Id like to date after I get my degree'.

I was at first feeling complimented, until he said he would like to bench me until that happened..as he thought I would not wait for him to finish schooling.

I took from that statement that he had judged me as someone who was only looking to meet men who already made lottsa moola. I lost my appetite for him right then and there. He was 'pre auditioning' for arm candy for when he became some kind of big shot! lololol

OP...the fact you think what you are in school for 'should' give you an edge in dating says a lot to me. And it is not saying anything good. But thats just me.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Ladies, why most women have no acceptance for foot fetish?
Posted: 4/19/2013 1:47:44 PM
Even if I was into a fetish, it would not be cool to wake me up. (unless you had previously asked and got permission). I like my 8 hours sleep.

I dont like it when men have a fetish about one thing. I would worry that if my foot was injured or had to be cut off you would lose interest in me. I am more than just a foot.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 63 (view)
 
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/19/2013 1:43:35 PM
Op, you are totally ignoring the role you play in life.

Ask yourself why you were attracted to a train wreck to begin with? Why are you not attracted to stable women who have thier chit together? Why, because you chased a trainwreck and got crushed, is it every females fault who comes along after her?

Look at your own choices you made along this journey and really ask yourself why you did those things!!
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 67 (view)
 
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/19/2013 9:25:04 AM

sexual compatability is a must?


Yes

And to the folks saying women dont say 'eat me out'...not true in my region. It is a common phrase used by both sexes in these parts.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Difference between authentic and inauthentic love
Posted: 4/19/2013 7:57:37 AM
All I know is, if someone treated me like the OP described, it wouldnt matter one bit if they said they loved me...I dont think feeling love and being abusive go hand in hand and I wont tolerate it from anyone.

People will forget what you say, they will only remember how you made them feel.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Dating a sub who has a dom other than you
Posted: 4/18/2013 12:57:06 PM
Learning about new ways to be intimate is great and I would always encourage that.

The OP had a scenario where a woman wanted him around, but wasnt 'ready' for a realtionship and admitted to being bonded to another man. I read the OP's profile and thought what he is looking for doesnt match up with the lady/situation he described in his OP.

Dont assume that people saying this didnt sound like an ideal situation are blatantly against bdsm or experimenting...or that they are ignorant. BDSM or vanilla...the woman in the OP sounded like a nutjob and the follow up post by the OP confirmed that in my opinion.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 45 (view)
 
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/18/2013 12:26:55 PM
OP, you are going to have to tell him in blatant terms that if this doesnt change, then you two will be breaking up. You wont be able to go on for years if getting oral is this important to you.

In future, dont stay with a man who is not inclined to try and please you in bed if you value sex. These things tend to slide downhill, not get a lot better over time...so if they suck in the sack in the early days, you have to know it aint gonna get much better! The exception to this is if BOTH people can be honest, state thier needs and then react accordingly. Doesnt seem like yours is willing to change up his game.

And while people are poking fun at your comment about his big doink, the concensus among myself and my girlfriends is the men with larger than average doinks seem to think thats all they have to bring to the table...which is why I have always said, give me the good ol Canadian average. The average men seem to get it that we make love/have sex with all of our body parts, not just the genitals.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 23 (view)
 
7-Day contact rule?!?
Posted: 4/17/2013 1:49:00 PM
I prefer to follow my instincts...so, if I feel like talking to someone, I dont check the calendar and book a time in the future, I just call. I dont do well with people who cannot do this. Every man I dated long term, either reached out to me within hours of our first meet, or returned the contact within hours of me making it to him. If they had not, Id have moved on to someone who knew how to relate in the way I want. (this is key here, what I wanted was a man who could openly show how he felt and not play games-if you LIKE people who pretend not to like you, then the type of men I like wont be the type of men YOU like so take my thoughts with a grain of that salt)

Funny thing, most of the people I have known who ascribe to playing games (such as the 3 or 7 day rule), are always single and knee deep in drama. (and cannot see how they themselves play a role in it)

If someone wasnt into you, making them wait 3-7 days isnt going to change that so I dont get what waiting does for anyone really. Id rather know before 3-7 days that someone does or does not want to see me again.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 68 (view)
 
Pissed, Played and Out for revenge...Or not?
Posted: 4/17/2013 11:53:28 AM

And for the folks saying I should not be dating...I'M NOT. No need to keep attacking me with the obvious.


Just know this, most responders only read your Original Post and dont bother to read your follow up posts. They only seem redundant to you because of that. Dont take it personally, they are responding to what you put out there, from thier perspective/experience. Most of them wont admit they did the exact same thing you did when they first tried online dating. Now they can act all high and mighty for it I guess and that makes them feel better.

Dont stop dating, just stop the cyber part of relating. Meet him sooner rather than later and keep the conversations to be in person or on the phone....dont get attached to a fantasy.

Online dating sites are just tools to meet new people. They should not change HOW you get to know people once you have met them. For example, if you would normally see a new man in your life 3-4 times a week in person, then do that with a man you met via online as well. Basically, once you meet him, start acting as though you never met him online and go from there. However, most people fall into the habit of continuing to relate via some sort of cyber medium, simply because they met that person online. First mistake in my opinion.

Good luck.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Is the art of communication dying?
Posted: 4/17/2013 9:52:57 AM
I dont think the art of communicating is any worse today than it was in days past. Talking to my elders, men and women have never understood one another fully.....the tool with which they fumble about with doesnt change anything. lol
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Women Pushing 40...Or Over
Posted: 4/17/2013 9:44:40 AM
Usually people with some life experience under thier belt, are older...and thus, not the age group a scammer would be focussing on in general. If someone told me to try and scam someone, I certainly would not be targetting someone over 40.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Pissed, Played and Out for revenge...Or not?
Posted: 4/17/2013 9:10:45 AM
This is the classic newbie mistake.

Op, look at this from HIS point of view.

What he considers to be an attractive woman is replying to him on POF. She is engaging in chats and emails and texts with him, and even wants to meet him! He is pretty sure he wants a relationship, he is hoping when you two meet that he will want that with you...then the meet happens and he realises he doesnt want that with you. He still finds you attractive, just not relationship material for HIM.

That is not a cardinal sin you know...people are allowed to let thier feelings grow and then realise they are not growing any longer at some point. If you are not mature enough yourself to know these risks going in, then dont date.

Like if you had crushy feelings for someone, and then they faded...are you morally obligated to keep seeing him, because yesterday you liked him that way?

He got caught up in the feelings and when you two met in person he realised he is not for you. Sure, he could have told you in a nicer way then to disappear on you...but the end result was going to be the same no matter how he told you. It just wasnt in the cards for the two of you. This does not mean he was pretending to want a relationship. He just doesnt want one with you.

In future, dont allow yourself to be emotionally invested before meeting in person, and ensure the wooing that is going on, is being done in real life, not via a keyboard. I am not blaming you in this, but even you will see the role you played in this once you have healed some. I did a similiar thing when I was just starting out too...many of us have. The only thing you can do is learn and not repeat the same mistake over and over again. Talk is cheap, only believe them if you hear them say those things in person and thier actions back it up! Anyone can type like a gentleman...real life is where it is to see if it is true!
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Helping others
Posted: 4/16/2013 1:26:36 PM
When people find themselves in need, and no one helps them...that is when they learn that thier own previous non action has hurt society...and in future, they usually will lend a hand. Some are taught this lesson early in life, while other live blissfully ignorant for longer. But eventually we all experience it and hopefully we learn from it.

This is the human being...we need to learn from experience, not by being told. Telling people it is good to help out doesnt cut it, we need to learn what it is like to feel the need, and what is feels like when someone finally extends a hand. A good example of this would be my Mom. She always told me to hold a door open if someone was coming up from behind me. I usually did what she told me to do, as I was raised to listen to her...so I did it. It wasnt t until a door got slammed on myself that I actually 'got it'...Now I do it for two reasons...one being because my Mom told me to do it, and another because I know what it feels like to have a door slammed in my face. Id like to think those who didnt have an awesome Mom like I did, will take longer to do what is 'right' as life will take it's time teaching the lessons, unlike my Mom who was on me the second I was born...lolol

I have seen videos of people stepping over obviously injured people...I dont think I could do that. Even if I was afraid physically to approach on my own, I know Id at least call someone for help, call the ambulance/police etc...I couldnt walk on as if I had not seen anything. I have been made to be late for stopping to help and while it did cause inconvenience, I would do so again.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 92 (view)
 
She is NOT interested and on POF
Posted: 4/16/2013 12:09:05 PM
This thread serves a great purpose-for it illustrates perfectly why after some time here, people stop replying to emails when they are not interested in the sender.

Men telling me, in my inbox daily that I didnt know what I wanted, didnt have the right to judge, must have misunderstood his profile, must not really want to date, must be looking for a fantasy man, I will be alone forever etc.....is exactly why most women stop replying after awhile.

The bottom line is, if someone doesnt like the way YOU presented yourself in YOUR profile, move on! Emailing them back or starting threads about how online dating is sooo unfair is a waste of your time. Online dating is NOT fair. No one promised you it would be. Life is NOT fair, in case you missed that memo as well. You will be judged on what you put out there and if people are not digging your online persona...then change the persona or try another venue to meet people. Signing up here was never a guarantee that people would like your profile and agree to meet you.

Online is a visual medium. If you cannot present yourself in pictures in a way that comes off as attractive, you will have a tough time with online dating. It certainly is not for everyone.

I was only interested in like 12 profiles locally in all of my years on POF. I wasnt gonna go on dates with the other 5000 or so other profiles just to show Im not a biatch or something just because they emailed me. Life is too short to please everyone.

Did I likely miss out on a potential good guy? Possibly. I could say the same to the men who chose not to be interested in my profile, that they missed out on a good lady. Cest la vie.....

To all the men who forcasted my impending doom of a lifetime of being single....neener, neener, neener...while being single was a blast, this chick is not single anymore. Being picky meant I was available when the man of my dreams entered the picture. It would have been awkward trying to dump all of the men I wasnt interested in to make way for the 1 I am interested in.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Sperm & Egg Donors: How would this effect your feelings?
Posted: 4/16/2013 10:50:38 AM
I would only care if the man Im dating could potentially have children/lawyers knocking on the door years later because someone dropped the legal ball. So long as this has been addressed legally, it would not matter to me. Just would not be cool to start a new life, set a budget for that and then find out one of us owes thousands of dollars in child support because the couple who took the donated sperm/egg brpke up and the kids become wards of the state/province and the state/provonce wants $$.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Compatibility, Criteria, and Chemistry
Posted: 4/11/2013 12:11:24 PM
For me, it is simple. Upon meeting him, I want to have the desire to kiss him. That is always the starting point for me. I then wait and watch. If my respect for him grows as time goes by, he becomes a potential keeper. If my respect for him doesnt grow or actually becomes less over time, we are not compatible, even if we share chemistry. Sharing chemistry is just a starting point for me, if I dont respect him, he aint for me.

As for what I respect in a man? He follows through...his words and actions match up...he takes care of his obligations, people arent chasing him to do what he started. He treats others with kindness, he likes women, he likes animals, he is physically active and makes me feel special to him. He is single/divorced and has no other women chasing him to close up loose ends from thier previous relationship because everything is already settled. Clear sailing ahead!
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Is FATE a factor?
Posted: 4/10/2013 1:41:26 PM
I personally dont believe in anything that supports


there is nothing that you could have done right or wrong to create the result,
this line of thinking. My motto is that our lives are the result of all of the choices we make every single day of our lives.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Separated status - does it really matter? Why?
Posted: 4/10/2013 1:19:04 PM
To each thier own, but my experience was that when they said seperated, they had really only moved out of the marital home a few days ago, had not yet set up a visitation schedule with thier children, and were still sleeping on thier brothers couch. They hadnt seen thier kids since leaving the home, but were already trolling for new gals to date. Yuck.

I know there are some men who really are seperated, have a new life going on and are emotionally ready to date-but the many who were in paragraph one above ruined it for the few who really are OK to date.

This is online, you pick and choose who you want to focus on.

I didnt want a man with ex issues, baby momma drama etc and so I avoided seperated men. I got what I was looking for and have no regrets about bypassing seperated men.

After you have been on here for awhile, and you realise you cannot meet every man who approaches you online, you start to draw lines in the proverbial sand. One of the lines I drew was seperated versus divorced/single. It worked for me, but may not work for everyone.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Good Morning Text
Posted: 4/9/2013 1:28:50 PM
It only bothers me if Im not into the person doing it. Then, the onus is on me to clear that up, isnt it? I can block them, tell them to stop it...lots of options rather than to get annoyed.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 85 (view)
 
If you were the other woman - would you want to know?
Posted: 4/9/2013 6:17:44 AM
I would want to know in the other womans shoes...and Id tell in the soon to be the ex wife's shoes.
 
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