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verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

Is This a Good Reason For a Husband to Leave? Posted: 11/18/2009 11:58:47 AM
No, that is not a "good reason" to leave a spouse. Its sad really that is the excuse he is using. Are you sure there isn't something more to it and he is just using your son's situation as a scapegoat? Good for you standing by your child and encouraging him to learn a new skill. You're a good mom, you're husband should be proud of you and supportive of your family. Who knows, maybe your son will go on to be an award winning Chef someday! Best Wishes*

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

Is it still cheating...with no sex? Posted: 11/10/2009 8:28:20 AM
As well the hidden phone calls, et al, that is all a lot strange for nothing going on... BTW " Et al " means "and others" referring to people not applicable in this sentance, sorry I had to say something it just bothered me. He shouldn't be hiding anything if he wants to be friends with this woman he should be upfront. He wants his cake and eat it too even if there is "no sex". Been there done that. My husband was a**** for the first part of our marriage but he always told the truth even if he should have kept his mouth shut. You deserve better than to be lied to.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

He says he loves her... Posted: 11/6/2009 6:27:11 PM
Actually thank you sparkling rose..I'd always seen those traits but had no idea there was a reason for them other than him being a selfish a$$hole. I'm not sure what you're edited part is suppose to mean with all the "puke" but thank you for some direction.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

He says he loves her... Posted: 11/6/2009 10:24:27 AM
I'm really not sure what I was seeking by writing this all out. Opinion I suppose. This type of behavior has stopped after we had a huge fight and I was going to leave him. But when we spoke the other night about what we had overcome and how our life was better now. He didn’t understand how it was better now; he didn’t think that he had put me though anything more than what he had to endure from my reactions to the situation. I’m not excusing my behavior, I should have left rather than putting myself through that and lowering myself to acting as undignified as I have. I'm not sure how to feel anymore. I guess I just needed to spell it out and see if others thought it was equal behaviour as well?

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

He says he loves her... Posted: 11/5/2009 3:13:11 PM
He says he loves her. She ponders the meaning when so many actions have spoken loudly the contrary. He says he loves her but fondles the breasts of teenage girls at work simply because she dared him to...saying he "didn't have to guts to grab her breasts". He says he loves her, but he calls her from work simply to tell her of the "GOOD THINGS" he has to look at while he is checking out other women. He has nothing else to say but she hears a slight giggle in the background...who might that be she wonders while trying had to understand why he would call her, his wife, and tell her that he is checking out other women? He says he loves her as he wistfully tells her of "the one who got away" and how very special the girl was to him. How the girl's mother and the girl's family took him in and made him part of their family. He even tried to name their daughter after the girl's mother. He says he loves her as he actively seeks someone to "play with" outside their marriage. Telling her that it is just for sex..then he is going to spend as much time with "them" as he wants and she has no say...and then he is going to be long time friends with them...and then again "it's just for sex"...but he is going to cuddle with them and do other activities outside of the bedroom with them, yet he turns her down for sex constantly, neglects her needs a lot and is going to take what little she gets and spend that time with another woman...and laughs as she cries herself to sleep at night...laughs as she begs and pleads with him to be faithful to her and to LOVE her...oh but he loves her. He says he loves her but yells at her when she calls him at work and asks him to come home immediately after work because she and his baby daughter had been in a car accident. He had plans to go Christmas shopping after work and she wants him to come home? How dare she ask him to come home when he had shopping to do? He then goes on to berate her, accusing her of deliberately ruining his plans the week before because her daughter had a sudden idea to spend time with him after school and he had plans with a teenage girl he use to work with whom he had planed to spend the day with alone in their home smoking marijuana together while he is taking care of their baby daughter and she is at work for the day. Not once did he ask if she was ok, or if his daughter was ok. He says he loves her....as he tells her it is not his fault that she feels the way that she feels. it is not his fault that the things he says or does makes her feel bad. After all she is the one who chose to feel that way, he had no part in it whatsoever...it was her choice to feel that way. Apparently no one can make you feel anything you don't want to feel. He says he loves her as he writes notes to his ex girlfriend whom he had not spoken to for nearly a year. No contact until he began dating her and then all of a sudden this need to be "friends with the ex". He of course makes sure to tell her that he is talking to the ex and that the ex would like to send a gift to her unborn child. He says he loves her as he saunters in 3 hours late from work to his loving frantic wife who had been waiting for hours to surprise him with a romantic evening. He tells her that he had been out for "coffee" with some girl that he worked with and that he was not allowed to call from work as it was long distance. he later tells her that he didn't want to call her, he didn't feel she needed to know that he was going to be late on a winter evening when there had been many many tragic car accidents in the past weeks on the very roads he travels to and from work. of course she is not suppose to worry when her husband decides not to come home because he is wooing some girl he works with...how dare she worry, how dare she be upset. he just laughs at her and says "aren't you going to ask me if I had a good time at coffee?" Laughs at her for her fit of rage, the terror that something had happened to him pouring out of her like sour milk, anger that he again did not care how his actions and thoughtlessness affected her, relief that he was ok, wanting desperately to knock him on his smug ass, hurt from his cold laughter; his content that he had done no wrong; his cool heatless demeanour as he again told her it is her fault for feeling this way not his doing not his problem; and the amusement he derived from her tears tore through her like a hot blade though butter. She is not blameless...she wrote to the ex girlfriend and befriended her. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. She got extremely emotional on a regular basis and talked to him about his behaviour and how it made her feel. She questioned him on things he didn't wish to answer and got angry with him when he would give her sarcastic answers that brushed her off and made her feel worthless. While insanely intoxicated she wrote an e-mail to the "one that got away" and asked her how she got away...and why. She confessed this to her husband, showed him everything and apologized to him. He got angry with her, they fought, he broke down in tears. Were the tears for her...no they were more so for the words that "the one who got away" had used to reply to her and explain how and why she got away. She spent a good majority of her pregnancy crying and feeling worthless and making sure that he knew it. She would ask him questions and try to get serious answers out of him. she would chase him and hound him for answers and some semblance of how their life was going to be...some idea of what he expected of her. She drove him crazy with her behaviour trying to get some sense of reassurance that "HE LOVED HER" to make all this crazy behaviour make sense. She made a plan to go out for coffee with her ex boyfriend in hopes of getting some reaction from him, something that said he didn't want to lose her. The ex, who had always been a friend and should never have been more and was only more very briefly, was in on the rouse as he wanted to see his dear friend happy and believed she was with the wrong man for her. Needless to say it didn't go as she had hoped and though she knew it before hand that it was a bad idea...it seemed like a last ditch attempt to make something happen to show him how he made her feel and possibly inflict some fear that he might lose her so that maybe he would appreciate her...no so much. She felt and acted jealous of women, all other women, anyone who he would look at or talk to... she knew that woman might be the one he cheats on her with. She acts crazy...she talks crazy...she is jealous and that is crazy...she loves him, that is crazy. Look at all the things he had to put up with being with her... He said he loves her...

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

Is my boyfriend intrested in men? Posted: 10/2/2009 11:55:19 PM
Possibly. I had a bf like that once. Best bf I had ever had he taught me to dance and insulate a house..then hit on my favorite male cousin at my friends wedding. Too sad for me..but some lucky guy out there has a great bf now, he was a great man.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 177 (view)

is it him or me?? Posted: 9/21/2009 3:30:37 PM
I have no issues with a man or woman looking at someone attractive of a younger or older age. Looking is normal. He shouldn't have said it in quite that way, and I can see how you take offense, my husband is a dip$hit in the same way, I'm learing to take it with a grain of salt as some people have no tact or verbal filtering system. Lol they don't look any better now then they did when he was their age..they just dress a little more out of playboy nowadays at a younger and younger age. Next time just say something witty like one of the other posters said.. "Yeah they sure are hunny, maybe we could schedule a play date with their fathers so they could check out your daughter too?" or "Hell ya, the boys are looking hott these days too and you know 18 goes into [insert your age] many more times than [his age] goes into 18!" rather then getting upset. He shouldn't have said it, but maybe it's part of his personality to have chronic foot in mouth. I myself feel a twinge (want to kick his ass) quite often but I think if everything else is good you can learn to deal with it.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Who tends to get over the breakup first? Posted: 9/18/2009 8:55:17 AM
GenerallyI find that men tend to move on faster but it really depends on the people.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 58 (view)

A Dangerous Perspective Posted: 9/18/2009 8:51:59 AM
I feel attracted to others, others feel attracted to me. It's kind of part of being human. I don't act on it though. I fought; literally I have the scar to show it, for my marriage and wouldn't want to lose that. I'm in a position where my husband wouldn't care if I were with someone else. I would care and I would care if he where with someone else. Passion in a marriage is a matter of effort. if you don't make any efforts to keep things alive and kicking then of course it will become dull and routine (comfortable, I believe some people say, but in the end it just means dull and routine). If you make efforts to have romance and incite passion then marriage will last. I knew a couple married for 50+ years and still couldn't keep their hands off one another. They said the secret is to take time for themselves as people, and take time for "THEM" as a couple no matter what that takes. If you don't give your car proper maintenance it won't run properly, same with a marriage. Be attracted, feel attraction, enjoy the thrill, but don't cheat. If you're not happy, if you've made every effort to make a marriage work and it just isn't then move on, but find someone else AFTER you've broken it off.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Time with the family Posted: 6/30/2009 12:11:56 PM
As a father and/or as a man if it was a national holiday and your child’s first birthday would you be spending it: A) With your family planning and executing a nice birthday and having a wonderful day. OR B) Getting drunk with your buddie and tubing down a river.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Does clean cut equate to being boring? Posted: 6/17/2009 1:55:49 PM
I don't know what I would have thought when I was a teenager, but being that I am an adult now I think that it is great that you know what you want and how you want it. It's not boring at all and if they are to become anything more than friends in your life they have to respect you first. Good for you.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 87 (view)

What does it take for you to be monogamous? Posted: 6/17/2009 1:00:05 PM
Being truly in love and truly committed to someone.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Men over 30 and teenage girls Posted: 6/15/2009 3:33:37 PM
I don't know if a teenage girl would make a very good wife when she really hasn't had a chance to live yet. I can see not wanting baggage, I can even see not wanting a partner to have children that are not yours, but that is no reason to be with "a child". They are generally in no way ready for any of that. There have been exceptions to this rule but they are few and far between. I was one of the more precocious kids and I have to admit that I acted way older than I was. I have 3 biological girls and an 18 year old step daughter (OMG I feel old)..if any of my friends looked at her in that way I'd want to gauge their eyes out. I know the age of consent is 16, thank god it's not 14 anymore not that two years is that much of a difference but it's better than nothing. And if I read correctly the age of 16 is for girls/boys having relations with the opposite sex within 5 years of their age. Yet the age of consent for homosexual boys is 18? Girl on girl is legal at 16 too WTF? After 18 they are free to make choices and there are no age restrictions. I don't generally deal with that kind of law so I'd have to do more research but that was my take on it. Well here's to hoping that the members of my family are a little brighter and/or less rebellious than I was as a teenager.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Men over 30 and teenage girls Posted: 6/15/2009 11:53:27 AM
Lately I have heard from some people my age that they feel it is ok for a 30+ year old man to have relations with teenage girls (16 -19years old). Some of these men are married, not rich, or extremely handsome. The only reason I could see a young girl being involved with a man that age is: (a) Money – sugar daddy persona, OR, (b) love – they need the attention. None of which they would get from married middleclass men with families. And the money and or love/attention they would get from a man 2x their age at that point in their lives I couldn’t see being anything but damaging. Opinions? I am a mom with young girls and it worries me that some people do not see how vulnerable kids are when in their teen years. Honestly I am a total hypocrite, when I was 17 my boyfriend was 25, when I was 25 I dated a man 22 years my senior. At 25 I was mature enough to make that kind of decision but as a teenager I was just so head over heels in love with this man. But looking back on it as an adult I can say that it was not the best experience I’ve ever had and being my first glimpse of what “love is” it sure left a sour taste in my mouth. I can see the attraction to younger women when they are of age and of the maturity level but during puberty young men and women are extremely vulnerable, is this not just one step up from pedophilia? I’d like to hear other people’s opinions on this topic.

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 56 (view)

Should we try to love someone unconditionally? Posted: 6/3/2009 3:04:09 PM
When I was younger I use to use that word *"UNCONDITIONAL"* on a regular basis. I love my children unconditionally, they could do anything and I will always love then no matter what. I may not always like them, I may not always want to be around them, but I always love them as their mother. I cannot say that I could ever love anyone else unconditionally. There are always conditions where someone can kill the love we feel for them...sometimes they just sever it for a while and we still have feelings for them but there is always an opportunity to sever it in it's entirety and lose it forever.

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 41 (view)

Do you think 3 chanses is enuff ? Posted: 6/3/2009 2:56:13 PM
You're kidding right? This is a joke? Tell her to piss off, you don't need to be picking up other people's garbage life..you sound like a super nice man but you're more than a bit of a doormat. Don't let yourself be used, even if you love the person to bits...enough is enough, cut the string and set that boat a drift for good.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 96 (view)

Childless by Choice Posted: 6/2/2009 9:46:18 AM
I had my first child because I got pregnant and didn't want to do the alternative. The first few years were very stressful, I was a lone, young and had no idea what to do. I loved her, but I didn't feel much like a parent. And then one day I grew up and noticed this adorable little person who looked at me with so much admiration and wonder like "oh, my mommy is a goddess". That was it. I had another little girl when my oldest was 6, again, sadly, on my own, this time it was great from the beginning, she was the world’s most easy perfect child. Now I'm married to a wonderful man and we have another little girl who is awesome. I don't mind the work, the crazy "I'd like to kick their little a$$es" moments, the getting puked on, the worrying, the wondering what to do next, the "mom she's touching me…mom she’s looking at me” there are moments I feel like breaking down because I work all day, come home to MORE WORK..but at the end of the day I get storytime and cuddles and “mom you’re the best, I love you”. And that makes it all worth every single second of whatever other crap I deal with. Watching them grow up into wonderful well adjusted human beings and knowing that I am somewhat responsible for how things are going.. “YAY ME!” comes to mind. I have really great kids though, some people have little monsters and I feel so bad for them, sometimes it is their own doing and sometimes it’s just how the kid is. I find 9 out of 10 times it’s their own doing though. I’ve always been a strict mom and I will not abide by my children acting like little monsters. It happens, but rarely…lol..and that is the joy of being a parent.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 96 (view)

how to get child support payments lowered? Posted: 6/2/2009 9:19:03 AM
You need to make an application to change or vary an order...then you write an affidavit in support of your application and you make statements as to what is happening in your life and how you are actively seeking employment etc. The application goes before a judge who reads the materials you have submitted to see if he/she will allow the application to be heard. Then if it is approved you will go before a judge or master of the court and basically explain what is happening and why you need to lower your payments until you get on your feet again. Odds are the judge will make an interim Order to lower your support payments and give you some time to get going again. My guess is that he will also reset an appearance for a later date to see how things are shaping up. I hope that your ex is a reasonable person, she is the one who may oppose it, otherwise things should go smoothly.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Family pressure to be in a relationship/tying the knot. Posted: 5/14/2009 1:55:08 PM
My mother pressured me into a quick marriage. It is my fault for not telling her to mind her own business, I understood she was going far away, isn't in the best of health and wanted to see me married before I had another child out of wedlock..bla bla bla bla bla. So I listened. I sometimes wish I hadn't, I was planning on living in sin until after the birth of #3 and then wearing my beautiful wedding dress for a nice small family ceremony. I don't know if I made the right choice, but I'm not sure I would even be married had we not done it when we did, so now I have a beautiful wedding dress rotting away in my closet that odds are I'll never get to wear. Very sad:(

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 59 (view)

If you found out he used an escort Posted: 5/6/2009 10:13:03 AM
No..what is the difference between paying and getting it for free with no strings attached? Hell I think I should have been paid for services rendered sometimes..especially it it worked out more in the other person's favor. Sign, the things we think of after the facts mhmmm?

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 75 (view)

Marriage and a paradigm shift in the way it's perceived Posted: 4/29/2009 3:33:25 PM
I was never interested in marriage for the simple fact that most perceive it as just a legality, which of course it is legality but not in its entirety. I have thought a couple of times of leaving my marriage, which is sad as it is still new, and in those moments even I have looked at it as merely a legality...then I remember why it was that I got married in the first place and what the true meaning of my marriage is. My marriage is based on love, commitment, faith, hope, long standing ties and bonds of friendship. Sometimes when in the heat of an argument, a deep hurt/hurtful situation, or in anger we forget what it was that we saw in our spouse. That is something that we need to take time to remember and remind them to do the same from time to time. It’s the decline of moral, social and family values that contributes to the decline of marriages. Marriage is a legal contract to a lot of people, and even that is forgotten when the going gets tough.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 203 (view)

Why do so few women seek only sex?? Posted: 4/26/2009 9:17:07 PM
I have had relationships that were just sex but most of the time there was friendship as well , we would just hang out till we got to know one another then off to the races. It really depends on how comfortable a woman is with herself and what she is looking for. Sometimes women aren't the horn dogs men are..and sometimes they secretly are. I have at least a 85% higher sex drive than my husband...this isn't rare, you just have to did deep into the girls who look all sweet and innocent to find the wild woman! I'd recommend being friends, women tend to feel more sexual towards someone they have a connection with, be upfront about what you're really looking for and *"be her friend"*..that way you have a double bonus, sex with no emotional/romantic relationship, and a really cool friend that you can hang with even when not having sex.

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 240 (view)

New law makes it legal to sue homewreckers. Posted: 4/23/2009 3:57:24 PM
The last case that I could find of this in Canada was Kungl v. Schiefer in Ontario in 1960. The wife cheated and fell out of love with the husband after being seduced by another man. I know that you have to be wiling in order for this to happen. But alledgedly everything was fine until she was seduced and stolen. I wonder how it all worked out in the end. Did she get happily ever after with this "other man" ? It was appealed in 1962 and he won. I have mixed feelings on the whole thing. Part of me says burn them at the stake and another part says you can't help if you fall out of love with someone. Marriage is something that requires constant maintenance and care in order to keep it alive...kind of like a beautiful garden... if you don't water it and maintain it it withers and dies. I keep my garden watered and spoilt so bad that no one could ever take care of it like I do! That was the only and last documented case I could find here. I see that there was something in Quebec but they have thier own ways up there, plus I cannot read french so I can't tell you anything about it.

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

What To Do If You Are Ever Stood Up........... Posted: 4/21/2009 1:41:14 PM
I had corresponded with a very nice on here for months (maybe 6) and we had decided to meet. We were sure that we adored one another, had so much in common, hit it off from the start..it was a whirl wind romance. We made plans to meet...and he didn't show up. He called me later and explained that he got nervous and apologized. I was upset but forgave it. So we made plans for another time, and guess what…again NO SHOW...Ahhh! So this time I'm ready to write him off when he sucks me in again with another good apology, this guy should write for Hallmark they were well worded and eloquent...so we make yet another "date". I'm ready for this one incase he doesn't call I have back up plans. But he showed and we were on again off again due to his erratic behavior for about 2 years lol. Then I said no more…why so long...the Hallmark words I'm a sucker I guess.

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

I have this gut feeling... Posted: 4/21/2009 9:22:21 AM
Lol...I have had a gut feeling several times. My guts were jealous; however there were two that I could see things in that made me believe certain things such as: a) One girl was really young, nice but immature, and I figured that if my "friend" acted like he was looking for more than friendship it could lead to trouble. He of course argued the fact that he knew her better and that he could treat his "friends" in any fashion that he liked. Well a few months went by and sure enough he tells me not to speak to her anymore. She is an “immature child" lol. b) Another young girl, low self esteem, nice but looking for attention, again potential to become a stalker or long island Lolita kind of gal. I explain that I think she could be trouble again, I think she would do anything for love and attention even if it's not real love...stay away from her she is trouble. Again my "friend" fights tooth and nail with me telling me that she is not who I think she is and that I am "dead wrong" basically I should shut my mouth... A month or so goes by…then my friend tells me this thing that happened at work. Apparently one of his co-workers had slept with the girl in question and of course he didn't want a relationship with her but she wanted one with him, so she was going around telling everyone that she thought she was pregnant. The fact being that she had told another co-worker, a female, that she was not but that she wanted to be with this guy. The other co-worker then told the guy in question and now they are dating. And to make a long story longer AGAIN I WAS RIGHT! But these were not exes. These were strangers who were young and having been there once upon a time I could read them. The exes are exes for a reason. Obviously things didn't work out. I wouldn't worry too much. If he loves you there is nothing to worry about. And if he is going to leave you for this girl or any other girl you'd be wasting your time worrying anyhow because it will happen with or without your consent, might as well enjoy the time you have rather than worrying about how it will end.

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

still on POF after moving in together Posted: 4/20/2009 3:58:07 PM
I'e seen a lot of people on here get together adn still keep their profiles up. I have made a lot of good friends here both men and women. it is classified as a dating site but honestly this is a social site where you have the opportunity to meet new and interesting people all over the world. if you choose to use that for dating then so be it but I haven't dated any of the wonderful women I have met on here nor have I dated all of the men that I have spoken to over the years. I first came on here in 2005 and keep coming back for this social need, I don't get out a lot, my husband isn't social(outside of work), I don't work in a profession where I can be social with any of the clients (in my profession, for the most part, I wouldn't want to be social with the clients). Most of my friends have different schedules or have moved away... I have this and facebook to really keep in touch with the outside world. So long as you're both honest and state that neither of you are looking for others I don't see why you both can't enjoy the wonderful people on here.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 91 (view)

Do you snoop on the one you like/love? Posted: 4/14/2009 7:50:43 PM
I have and felt super guilty. I've come to the conclusion that I get better results asking him directly then snooping. He always tells the truth even if I don't want to hear it.

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 412 (view)

Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless? Posted: 4/14/2009 12:19:40 PM
So men dont fall in love when they have sex over a long period of time...? I think its different for women... its harder not to get emotionally involved. It is different if you want it to be different. I have had a few "friends" over the years that I adore and have had sex with but do not love romantically in the least. Yet my husband, whom I had no intention at first of falling in love with at first, I fell for fast and it hit me like a ton of bricks to the point that I cannot see my life without him. Now what makes him different from the other men I honestly do not know..he is no sweeter, no kinder, no better looking..he is just different in the fact that I fell head over heels in love with him.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Requesting for DNA testing of child! Prudent or Offensive? Grounds for Divorce? Posted: 3/31/2009 12:20:45 PM
He should tell his wife. His mother did something years before, I'm sure she regretted it and thus she stayed with his "dad" rather than leaving to be with his "father". He obviously has some issues but he needs to be upfront with what is truly bothering him and tell his wife why he is asking for that. And yes "obviously" he doesn't trust his wife and YES it is an insult 100%...unless she has something to hide then there are further issues at hand to deal with. I felt insulted when my middle child's father asked me for a DNA test when she was 1 year old. She looks exactly like him? But I did it and I even paid half the bill. She was 99.998% match to him...fancy that? I would do it for my first and my last as well with 100% certainty who the father is. Not all people can say that, but a woman generally knows who the fatehr is...not always, but most of the time I have found she knew who the father was the whole time.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 97 (view)

Being seperated but no divorce in sight Posted: 3/31/2009 12:09:26 PM
In BC just to start a divorce action it will cost you $218 and provided there is no house to sell and divide, no assets to divide, no children to deal with custody, access. maintenance and you can agree 100% it wouldn't cost you that much more than that. But that is in a perfect world. Realistically most people require lawyers who charge between $200 - 500 (giver or take) per hour. Plus fees and disbursements. Plus applicable taxes on those fees and disbursements. To sell the matrimonial home or do a buy out of the others interest...conveyance between $400 - 1000 (give or take) plus applicable taxes. This one takes FOREVER...ot the conveyance that is fairly quick and easy, its the getting the two parties to AGREE on ANYTHING.3 Agree on who gets what. This one takes FOREVER too. Then settle matter regarding children...by this time you have a bill between $5K and $40K depending on how PIGHEADED the parties want to be.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 71 (view)

Being seperated but no divorce in sight Posted: 3/30/2009 11:05:43 AM
If things didn't work out for my husband and I there would be no divorce. I never intend to remarry and neither does he. Divorce is sometimes a lot more complicated than it sounds, trust me I know. Some people do it themselves and then find later that there are unresolved matters. Then again sometimes people have clean breaks. I've seen people seperated for 30+ years and never divorce. This only causes a problem when one of the people dies. I don't see what the rush would be unless you're wanting him to marry you and he obviously is in no hurry to do that. That would be a conflict between you and your partner and him getting a divorce would probably not change that fact.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 542 (view)

Prenuptial Agreements and Maximum Child Support payment! Posted: 3/24/2009 4:42:17 PM
I understand this argument from "the mans" point of view, some men surely get the shaft. For a man whose gross income is $15,000 a year the payments would be $125 per month with 1 child, $302 with 6 kids. Just one example, bare minimum earnings. For an infant, say 8 months old, in diapers it costs minimum..bare minimum just food and diapers..$160-180 per month. A child out of diapers eating food would not cost much less to feed properly by Canada's food guide or rather, a healthy life style and proper non- fast food. If the custodial parent has to work that's another $600 per month ($30 per day is a general cost. I have never found reliable care for less. I pay $40 per day for my nanny, $30 per day 2 days a week for outside daycare. Grand total $260 per week! $1040 per month) and then add the home, and clothing etc. and I don't mean living in the lap of luxury it's bare minimum standards of living $900 -1200 per month. So grand total minimum for working parent to raise a child age birth - 12, when it is legal to leave them alone and let them be latch-key kids, is roughly $1660 - 1980 per month.The other parent should be entitled to pay 1/2 childcare. 1/2 child food. 1/2 child expenses. And that is it. I don't believe in alimony or anything like that I think it is ridiculous. Shhh don't tell my boss it might lose him clients. If you are in Canada and you need legal help and cannot qualify for Legal Aid go to one of the free law clinics or to duty counsel at your local court house. There are lots of great lawyers, mine included, who will go out of their way to help people who genuinely need it.

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 442 (view)

Prenuptial Agreements and Maximum Child Support payment! Posted: 3/18/2009 3:09:15 PM
Starfunn77 Yeah right!! What percentage of women pay child support...?? They might as well call Child Support .. ..Fatherhood Penalty!! My initial post is based on what I see every day first hand. I say this because I work in law and have seen it with my own eyes. Can you say the same or is your opinion simply based on that, opinion?? You would be surprised as I was to see how many Mothers are the ones who do not have custody of the children and are the ones who have to pay child support. Until you have been in a situation where you have seen things first hand rather than based on your perceptions you cannot see the real statistics of the matter.

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Don't Trust the Notion of Sexual/Romantic Love-? Posted: 3/6/2009 11:07:44 AM
But on the down side friendships that endure past the relationship as a couple (yes, it does happen) can be a source of pain. I've even avoided a few relationships cuz I didn't wanna lose the friendship if anything went wrong. I would have married my best friend years ago if this where not the case. You never risk something that you can't afford to lose. He is my best friend of 17+ years and I love him dearly but it is not a romatic love in the least. There are times I wish it had been, he is a wonderful man and loves my girls to death.

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 170 (view)

Should I out a friend that cheats? Posted: 3/3/2009 4:21:52 PM
I know that I would want to know..but then again..I wouldn't. Tough decision. Talk to your friend and let him make his decision..either "her" (the gf) or "them" (the other women). She might not leave him, he will hate you, and she may never speak to you either, or she may leave him, she may remain your friend and he still hates your.. any way it's you're decision to make.

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 114 (view)

You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really? Posted: 3/3/2009 4:07:10 PM
Yep REALLY..it is somehow appealing / appeasing to read about others "soap opera" lives and think that maybe it's not just me who is totally effed up.... so yeah I stayed on here even after I got married and had a baby... I LOVE all of you other effed up guys and gals don't cha' know!

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 58 (view)

Was he raised by a family of wild jackals?!?! Posted: 3/3/2009 3:54:38 PM
OMG! I think I married him! Lol...they are trainable it just takes a lot of time and energy and honestly it is easier just to walk away and leave him to himself, who he seems to want to be with more than anyone else. He is a Class A Narcissist and that sadly may never change and selfishness is something people practice not something ingrained..it can be changed but only by him.

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

Who's calling your phone? Posted: 3/2/2009 1:51:05 PM
Maybe you should try not making her worry more by being evasive? If you simply tell her “that was for that job interview I have on….” or, that was so and so....sooner or later her mind will ease and she will stop asking you “Who was that?” because she will trust you. It’s hard enough to trust, trust is something to be earned. I know that you’ll think I’m taking her side and that this is all from a woman’s perspective, me being a woman and all, but I dealt with this in my last relationship...he was worried...so I showed him he had nothing to worry about rather than keeping everything to myself or getting angry with him. Marriage is about communication. Sometimes I don’t want to discuss certain matters with my husband but I do it because without communication and trust there is no Marriage...it’s just legality. So if you don’t work that out I advise that the wedding be called off and you each find other people who are more suitable for your personalities and communication levels.

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 77 (view)

Would you give back an engagement ring if the relationship fails? Posted: 2/27/2009 12:25:53 PM
no..I paid for it.

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 355 (view)

Prenuptial Agreements and Maximum Child Support payment! Posted: 2/27/2009 12:02:10 PM
^^^ I have 3 children 2 I had on my own and 1 I have with my husband. Sometimes we don't "choose" to make the children and then only choose to have them when other choices are incomprehensible. It is all based on choice I agree but a lot of people don't do it on purpose and are not trying to trap a man into paying child support. My children's fathers have never been very responsible as far as taking care of the people they "helped" to make. I have done it on my own until just recently. Not all people are gold diggers and child support has no gender Mothers have to pay too. Re: Child Support/Marriage Agreements In Canada it goes by the Federal and Provincial Guidelines. You cannot make arrangements otherwise that will be assured to hold up in court. Also Marriage Agreements of any kind will only hold up in court if it is deemed to be "fair " by the court. A person may apply to have the agreement varied and if it is found to be "unfair" to the individual the court can and most likely will allow a variation for the Plaintiff/Applicant. It should be the same in the UK, for the agreements not child support, I believe as it is all goverened by British Commonlaw Hope that helps

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

serial marryers Posted: 1/25/2009 8:04:29 PM
I always said that I would only marry once..but who is to say this will work out? Does that mean I am never allowed to fall in love again? They just take the commitment farther rather than dating over and over and over what is the difference. At least they are trying to give it a go. You don't know if a marriage or relationship will fail or succeed until you really give it a try. I'm still learning..so are many others. Dating or marriage I guess for some, most actually, is going to be an"if at first you don't succeed try try again" situation! I wouldn't remarry though cause I really like my new last name.

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Our separate outings, our separate lives? Posted: 1/25/2009 7:54:48 PM
I feel like I am still single even though I am married. My husband never wants to do anything with me. he has come to one of my friend's birthday once but that is just because she is our Nanny and he can't avoid the obligation. He has never invited me to any of his staff functions, not even his Christmas party, and won't go to most of my outings either. What is the point of being together if we can't do anything TOGETHER? When I enter his store he is always looking around like he doesn't want anyone to see me. He has introduced me to a few people there but I don't feel welcome since he started this job, I always felt welcome at his old job, he seemed proud to be with me then. He is one town away and it seems he wants to keep that life separate now and I don't have a place in his life. Do you think he is ashamed of me or something? Is this normal?

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

Are you ashamed of any part of your body? Posted: 1/25/2009 7:45:43 PM
I hate my belly. After 3 children , weight gain weight loss I hate it but can't afford to get it fixed right now.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 160 (view)

The habits your ex had that make you glad its over. Posted: 1/18/2009 6:14:24 PM
Bashing my door in with a garbage can..that one really sucked.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 49 (view)

once a cheater always a cheater?????????? Posted: 1/17/2009 9:34:29 PM
he'll do it again..the saying is true once a cheater always a cheater...

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Made a mistake gave them the wrong finger.... Posted: 1/17/2009 9:19:59 PM
I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time. It would be so nice to be loved like that..

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

Scientists: True love can last a lifetime Posted: 1/15/2009 4:32:47 PM
It sometimes isn't a matter of how much you love someone.. Your reaction will also have to depend on how loved you feel..that determines how much you show. The less you feel in return for your love the less you have to give..visa versa. Sometimes its hard to determine how long something will last.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 253 (view)

why are hot guys so mean ???? Posted: 1/10/2009 8:54:36 PM
not all are....some not hot ones are mean too. Arrogance and selfishness leads to mean.

verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 214 (view)

What is your biggest obstacle to committing to a relationship? Posted: 1/10/2009 8:51:43 PM
my husband.........

Verissa

Joined: 7/29/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

What Playgirl women want: hairy, chubby and poor? Posted: 1/7/2009 8:11:20 PM
OMG they do want my husband! I knew it!...lol..

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