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 Author Thread: Do I message?
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Do I message?
Posted: 6/9/2012 7:56:53 PM
If you wait for him to message you, since he told you to message him, he will think you are not interested.

If I asked you to message me and you had (I assume) told me you lost your phone, I would assume you'd have to message me via facebook or when you go a new phone. However after a few days with no message I would assume you were not interested and playing games, and move on.

So message him or lose out.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Taking the next step...
Posted: 5/12/2012 10:26:09 AM
Sounds like (and I am sounding like a broken record, repeating what others have said) you are not ready to be in the dating world. I'd suggest, take a bit more time to heal from your last relationship. Hide your profile, heal some more, then when you are ready, venture out.

Good luck!
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
 
First contact
Posted: 5/12/2012 8:43:10 AM
Some of the best women I have met from this site messaged me first. Most men love if a woman messages them first, we guys like to feel sexy too!

Some guys won't reply, some will reply with a rejection. Some will reply with interest then fade out after a few emails. Some will no and you'll meet them in person, then find that you are not attracted to them.

Just send a message, what do you have to lose?
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Emailing back and forth
Posted: 4/28/2012 11:13:33 PM
He might be trying to make you comfortable.
I have suggested in the past after about 5 or so emails back and forth moving the conversation to the phone. I got reamed a new one!

So he may very well be waiting for you to hint at that you want to meet, before he asks, to make sure you don't bite his head off for suggesting meeting before you "get to know him on the site".
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Why so interested in lesbians?
Posted: 4/22/2012 7:55:53 PM
They are hoping you'll say "Just this once" and have them pleasure you and your GF.
Other reason, bragging rights, "I turned a lesbian straight cause I am so great in bed" that crap!
Tell them next time, "sure, just chop of your junk first!" that should shut them up!

Me, if a woman says she is Bi, I do not date her at all. Maybe friends, but not date.

Good luck!
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Cavalier attitude
Posted: 4/22/2012 12:18:48 PM
Zesty, I'd forget the ones you have already messaged. Most women here say that no reply is a reply, ie they are not interested. Does not matter why. If you message them again, you will come across to them as a loser who cannot take rejection.

Just move on to some others.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Would you date a breast cancer survivor?
Posted: 4/16/2012 6:18:53 AM
I would. I am also a cancer survivor.
Males like that only want the arm candy to show off. The excuse they gave you is just that an excuse. If not for that then they'd tell you your boobs are to flabby, you ass isn't tight enough, ect. It would be something to say that they cannot date you because...

Forget about them. A real man knows that a woman is more then just boobs and won't care if she had to have one removed due to cancer.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 14 (view)
 
How to get men to message back?
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:58:11 PM
Halftime Dad has a point. I had an attempt from a scammer. The message was generic. The woman's picture (probably some dude in Russia really) was of a gorgeous woman. She said she went to the UK for a Nursing conference then magically needed $300 for airfare since the "atm card" her "company" gave her was not working.

Many of the guys might be thinking you sound too good to be true, you are stunning. You MESSAGE them (which most women on dating sites will never message a man) so read their profiles and mention something specific. Answer THEIR questions, that is a biggie. The scammers, if you ask them a question, never answer the question.

Last, luck of the draw, some guys will just say to themselves she seems nice but not my type and move on.

Good luck!
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 24 (view)
 
cell phones on dates
Posted: 3/22/2012 2:51:21 AM
As I stated earlier I have a disabled father I take care of so my phone is on my all the time when I am away from home.

I let dates know about it, and if my phone rings, I look at the caller ID. If it is my dad I apologize and take the call. Anyone else (except maybe my sister) and it goes to voicemail!

Last date I had, it stayed in my pocket for the whole date.

I had a date where the chick kept pulling her phone out, answering calls, ect. Told her I was not into her and to lose my number.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 5 (view)
 
I can wait as long as you'd like, just let me know when...
Posted: 3/1/2012 2:00:29 AM
Unclezeus, without more information from the OP your statements come across as the so called pick up artist alpha male crap. The whole don't give a woman a compliment, wait for 4 days before calling after a date to make her think other women are banging you, ect.

She gave us very limited information. I have told dates before "I really want to have sex with you, however I don't want you to do something you'd regret so I have no problem waiting"

Yes, after a while, I don't get sex I will move on or redefine the relationship. However just cause a man says that does not mean he is a doormat.

Op, more info so we can help you better.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Stood up on vday
Posted: 2/16/2012 12:05:38 AM
After reading ALL posts by the OP, it is obvious that, one the OP is to emotionally immature to date. She is trying to validate her whole being by "having a man"

Honestly, if she had done that to me, I would have called the cops and filed a restraining order against her.

He told her he'd meet her at a park to placate her since she is a wackjob. I would not have even answered the phone, and I would have served her with a restraining order well before then though.

Luv2lol, You are glad she went Glen Close crazy on him? What if the blonde chick had a gun and felt that they were threatened by the OP? The OP could have been killed.

Second, she created all this by DEMANDING he meet her. For what? To say "I don't want you get lost"? What does it matter?

My ex just walked out on me, I found out why when a couple months later she sent me an email telling me she had been diagnosed with HIV. I was tested, I am clean. So, she CHEATED on me and broke up with me. Why? Cause she was dead set on banging a woman.

Should I have pestered her like crazy, demanding why she did that, why she broke up with me, why she had to have lesbian sex?

Just like the OP's case here, does not matter. He walked just like my ex walked. All that matters, he does not want her and she needs to move on. However she didn't. She OBSESSED over him, and was going to MAKE HIM COME BACK or make his life a living hell. Why? here is one reason...


So, I took the bus to his house, sat behind the tree in his front yard and then when night came,


Glen Close Bunny Boiler crap right there!


OP, check yourself into a mental institution and get the help you need, before you hurt or kill someone accidentally or get killed yourself!
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Could a guy still like a girl but not call because of his ego?
Posted: 2/7/2012 11:57:55 PM
Based on the very limited info here, along with what you said OP, I'd say he is figuring that YOU'RE behaviour so far is a red flag of how a relationship with you would be and is looking for someone more compatible with him.
So, call him, tell him that what was bugging you is now water under the bridge. If he accepts that, then there you go. If not, look elsewhere!
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
 
What Is It About a Girl That Will Hold a Guy's Interest?
Posted: 2/3/2012 1:51:30 PM
That is hard to say, since what will keep my friend's interest won't keep mine.

Some guys love the hard to get, aloof woman. Me? I don't, a woman pulls that crap I am gone.

Basically one of the main things, is you have to give him the vibe that things WILL move forward. However without seeing you on a date, or going on a date with you, it is impossible to tell you what to do or not to do.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Very Interested in emails then no call
Posted: 1/8/2012 11:10:58 PM
OP, I have had this happen to me. Usually I write the woman off as a flake, and only once has it been that I was wrong.

You sidestepping a date, then only taking his number, then not calling till Sunday, smacks to me if I did not read your side, of a woman playing little games to keep the guy on the back burner. He has probably moved on. Best way to try to remedy it, give him your number, and when he calls (if he accepts your number) tell him everything and set a DAY and TIME you want to meet him. Then he will either say yes or no, and you'll have your answer.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Should she back off
Posted: 1/8/2012 12:49:20 PM
Are the exclusive? If not then he has every right to have as many women as he wants.

It is a bit rude, but people do rude things all the time. Your friend either has to just tell him she finds that rude and NOT to do it when they are together, or leave.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 9 (view)
 
younger woman?
Posted: 1/3/2012 3:19:18 AM
Well, the bigger the age gap the differences in shared life experiences. Like I had a 21 year old want to date me on this site.basically I was dating, a jock in school, ect when she was in diapers. The school dances where I kissed girls in my school played (as the music on top 40 at the time) stuff like boys 2 men, Bel Biv Devo, Color Me Badd. For her, Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears, Katy Perry.

Had nothing in common, so if I had messed with her, it would have been for sex, and only sex.

At your age, most guys your age and younger are going to seem a bit immature. Women do mature faster then men, but a woman does change herself in her mid 20's, one reason divorces are so high when people get married very young.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Forward Women
Posted: 1/3/2012 3:12:08 AM
Depends on how you approach it. If you come across as a ball busting ****, every guy will tell you get lost. However, since we guys so often have to deal with a woman's friends trying to block things, and being turned down, ect that most men love when a woman approaches him.

However a few guys are not secure and will look at it as you are taking away their masculinity by doing that, so depends on the guy too.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Honesty
Posted: 12/24/2011 9:36:19 PM
TallChick, how about 6'5"?

OP, she would have walked the instant she saw the crutches anyway.

I am taking care of my dad, have for a while. Many women have called me a loser for doing so. Some people cannot be with a person that has any handicap or is responsible for the care of another. However, do you want a woman like that? I sure as hell don't. If she cannot see that the love I have for those close to me, and what I will do for those I love, then she is not GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

She did you a favor. It will be tougher to meet a quality woman being disabled, but eventually you'll find several who could care less!

Merry Christmas
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 13 (view)
 
moving from POF to a phone
Posted: 12/22/2011 4:54:00 PM
I personally want a number in case something happens, that way she can call and I don't sit somewhere for an hour waiting for her to show up, then getting pissed thinking she blew me off, ect.

However sainbain, I agree that I don't want to do endless phone tag. Thus I push to meet fairly quickly after getting a number, and if the woman does not want to meet or is super hesitant, I move on.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 15 (view)
 
I dont know what to do....
Posted: 12/22/2011 12:50:31 AM
Keep your word OP, don't be a douchebag!
Just say, I don't feel a connection with you/spark/tingly bits, whatever, with you. I enjoyed meeting you but am not interested in dating you.

She may get pissy, she may not. At least though, you'll come across as a man of your word and a man to respect. So next time, if you say, "I'll call you Sunday" call her Sunday!
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Would you give up everything to help parents?
Posted: 12/17/2011 8:52:47 PM
I took care of both my parents years ago, till my mother died of cancer. Right now I am taking care of my dad again. He almost died in the hospital.

Any child that would not help a parent out is not someone that I want to be around.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 24 (view)
 
girls/ women of pof
Posted: 12/17/2011 8:31:37 PM
OP, I'd take it you are not getting dates.
Want to know the secret to getting dates?
Come close.....
CLOSER......
Talk to women like human beings. Don't be a nerd, or cool, or a bad boy, or anything. Talk to them, let your personality shine through. Do not care whether they turn you down or accept you.

Then you'll get dates.

I became active again on POF in mid September. I have met about 8 women so far off this site, and am talking to 4 right now, all hotties to me! I am not thin. I am not the hottest guy here. Hell right now I am taking care of my dad, so very little cash at the moment.

If I can get dates, and women to reply to me, being ok looking and pudgy a thinner more attractive guy should do better. It is your approach, since this question would not be asking if you had lots of replies.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Ask Cafe Girl for Date
Posted: 12/17/2011 4:39:39 PM

It's not okay to approach the idea of a date when someone's working. You could go back, see if she's working and leave a note with your name and contact info and ask her out for a drink, whatever.


I disagree with Bucsgirl, if you give her a note, she will throw it away and think they you are a guy without enough balls to ask her out. I did that in the past, never works. Besides, you don't know if the other employee will even give the girl the note.

Just ask her out. Make it quick and simple. Have your name and number written down. When you get your coffee, ask out out on a date. If she says yes, give her your number.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Are men intimidated or usually don't prefer a woman that has a strong personality?
Posted: 12/17/2011 4:34:54 PM
My experience, many women that describe themselves as you do, are actually bossy, condescending, and mean. They just don't see it that way about themselves. So they convince themselves that a man cannot handle a woman with a strong personality and independent.

Without seeing you on a date none of us can know for sure, but it could be that.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Seattle Freeze: Do you feel it?
Posted: 12/17/2011 4:32:07 PM
I have noticed it and have lived here most of my life. Basically the whole "Got to SEEM nice" crap. Most people will say they want to hong out, get together,ect, but you WILL NEVER meet them in a social setting. Technology at times makes it worse.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 78 (view)
 
Do you take someones credit into account when dating?
Posted: 12/14/2011 5:02:11 AM
OP,
What about people like myself? A few years ago I was diagnosed and hospitalized for late stage acute myeloid leukemia. I was in the hospital for 3 months. About $750,000 to $1 million in medical bills. I was out of work, no health insurance at the time. Guess what? MY credit is shot from that.

So, I had a choice, protect my credit and die, or get treatment and ruin my credit.

Should I be judged harshly cause I have poor credit?

BTW, I bought a truck and paid it off EARLY! That should show more, cause maybe a person has good credit cause mommy and daddy always bails them out!
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Giving advice to someone you are rejecting?
Posted: 12/14/2011 4:57:25 AM

What you have to say may NOT be beneficial to the person in the future. The things that turned you off may be a turn on to the next lady.


EXACTLY. Do not give advice. It will only backfire, and as this lady pointed out, what you DON'T like another woman may love.

Myself as an example, many women tell me I am not as heavy as I think. I have had one women in 6 years tell me I looked better clean shaven instead of the goatee.

I recently had a date with a woman, she said she preferred me without the goatee. Did I shave? No. Why? I have had many women tell me my goatee looks so hot. Hell, my ex before she freaked due to her situation with work, child support, her ex, ect, told me if I shaved my goatee off she'd leave! She said I was the first man that she ever dated with facial hair!

So, do the date, if not interested just say I am not interested in you. There. Done.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 6 (view)
 
cell phones on dates
Posted: 12/14/2011 3:59:07 AM
If it is like a mother taking an emergency call from the babysitter, or my disabled father calling me saying he needs help NOW, that is one thing. If my phone goes off, I check real quick and if it is not my dad, I leave it alone. Unless the woman is playing with her phone like crazy, then I'll just play with mine.

It does piss me off though.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Best way to discontinue dating someone if...
Posted: 12/10/2011 3:43:05 PM
I agree with Bucgirl as well.

How would you react if I said...

"Well I nthink you are great, but I met this other woman and we just clicked right away!! However if things don't really work with her, I'd like to try again with you."

Would you say "Sure I'll be your back burner girl if you can't find any other women to date and screw!"

There have been women I clicked with BIG TIME first date, then they relax and let their true self out on date 2, and I RUN!! So just cause you "click" through email and date 1 means squat! First date everyone is the "perfect" version of themselves!
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 14 (view)
 
meet me
Posted: 7/30/2011 10:54:44 PM
If it's that "meet me " feature, it is the wink function on this site. In other words, a person, when bored, looks through that and clicks either yes or no based on the pics. Well, that means in many cases the other person is expecting YOU to contact them.

I think it is a waste of space myself.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Just looking for feedback
Posted: 6/16/2011 11:13:23 AM
Ok, so standard woman on a dating site that ****es about guys, does not change anything, yet expects different results.

So that leads me to this question, what QUALITY are you getting?

It is not hard for a decent looking woman with a decent body to get a date. WHAT is HARD is for said woman to get a date with a guy that wants more then bragging rights about hookup up with her.

So, you getting the hook up kings or guys that actually want to date?
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Just looking for feedback
Posted: 6/16/2011 10:48:21 AM
Comes across as complaining. Most guys have heard it all before. The ones that pull that crap will do so NO MATTER WHAT you say in your profile. Those men that do care, will skip you by, figuring you are super burnt out and jaded, spend the entire date being beraided by you and get to go home after the date feeling stressed out.

Remember, sites like this are sales. Right now all you are doing is telling us why we should AVIOD you.

Expand a bit more on the positive angle, like " it's very sexy to me when my date and I get to our destination we we planned to" or something along those lines.

Good luck, and this site can work. I met my GF on this site, two years ago!!
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
 
The Helper Needs Help
Posted: 6/16/2011 10:42:08 AM
Pretty good. I can't think of any suggestions right now. I will post again when I come up with a suggestion.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Am I doing something to make this happen?
Posted: 6/16/2011 9:44:12 AM
Nope, the guys see you, think you are pretty and hoping you'll either..

A: fall for them so want to try to take them from thier wives or
B: Don't care about being a mistress so they can get some on the side.

Nothing in your profile screams out "Married men, I am a mistress for you"
Just tell those douchebags to take a walk off a bridge!
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 16 (view)
 
unsure what to do
Posted: 11/29/2010 10:23:54 AM
Simple here, you are a plaything. He knows you'll spread your legs whenever he wants. He is telling you what you want to hear to keep your legs open for him. As soon as the ex says "Maybe we were to hasty, let's get back together" He'll dump you like last thursday's turkey dinner leftovers!

So, make a choice, or you ok being someones sexual plaything? To be used whenever they feel like it, and to be discarded just as easily? Or do you want to be someone's partner. If the latter, tell him to NEVER talk to you again. If the former, by all means keep finding yourself in hid bed.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 11 (view)
 
If I'm not interested, should I give no reply to his text?
Posted: 11/29/2010 10:18:16 AM
Whether you reply or do not, you will probably get at least one "What a stuck up **** you are " text. Myself, I'd just send one text "After meeting in person, I just am not attracted to you enough to continue seeing you. Please remove my number from your cell and delete my email address. Please do not contact me further. Good luck to you in your search"

However, me being a 6'5" tall 240lbs guy, I generally do not get wacko texts after I say that.

Honestly, do what is most comfortable for you.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Totally confused...need male opinion.
Posted: 11/29/2010 10:13:29 AM
You are the backup. He is trying to set up a meeting with another woman, one he'd rather have. However he does not want you gone yet. If you want to give it one last shot, tell him "let's meet at_______ at________ and grab some coffee and chat" Tell him the place, and time. If he b lows you off, then drop him. However from what you have desribed I'd say you are the back burner girl.

I have had this happen to me too, however the woman after the first time set up the date and time for us to meet and still blew me off. Oh well her loss. I found the woman I am supposed to be with anyway :)
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 14 (view)
 
The difference between encouraging openness, or pushing to fast?
Posted: 11/22/2010 5:24:41 PM
Well, obviously you do not want to be open and communicative with him. I say, leave.
My GF early on pullled the same crap, I finally told her
"I care for you, but if you will not talk to me, especially when I ask you to, then this relationship will not go anyway but down. Either talk to me, or I am leaving"
She finally opened up a bit, we talked things out, and we now have a great relationship. Trust me, we guys can tell when something is bugging you. If when we ask we get nothing but "Nothings wrong" then after a while, we will say screw it, and end the relationship.

Thus, based on your post, I'd say, if I was him "Either answer me honestly, or I am gone"

Sounds like he likes you, and only wants to talk to you, and it appears like you keep giving him the run around. Either end things with him so he can find someone that wants to open up to him, or open up to him.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 33 (view)
 
we went out but...
Posted: 9/21/2010 5:55:03 PM
She will, either she'll say yes and suggest a day to go out, or she'll hesitate, say she is really busy, maybe after the semester. Either wayyou willknow how she feels.

What I have learned, just grow a pair, ask her out. She says no, there are plenty of other, smart, attractive women out there.
Good luck.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 70 (view)
 
Myth-busting the FRIEND ZONE
Posted: 9/21/2010 5:47:27 PM
From Aloo..

For me, guys end up in the friend zone either because there's no attraction or because we became buddies first. But I've had friends I might have dated had there been some sort of romantic attempt early on


That is why, I always laughed when I read in a woman's profile "Friends first.. then more later" or some variation. If a guy DOES that, he is friend zoned. Women say that constantly in thier profiles, they want friends first. Lends more credance to the guys that say "Forget what the women say, you want to date her, make it known you want her as a lover, not a friend"

Basically, I feel the friend zone is when a woman wants the guy to stick around, but will never have sex with him/ be romantic with him. If the guy is happy with that then cool, if not then he needs to say bye.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Uhh...why does he act like this?
Posted: 8/27/2010 10:24:54 AM
Motown Cowgirl has hit it on the head. Kevin told Greg everything, from the fights to what you two did in the sack. Greg wants to have sex with you, but know that he knows all the juicy details it weirds him out. Also, it weirds him out that he wants to do the girl his buddy did. Generally when a break up occurs, even if the guy and girl are cool with one another, guys have to mantain the bravado in front of thier buddies, so Kevin very well may have called you the queen **** from hell.

Fun huh?
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 11 (view)
 
why do guys ignore instead of just saying no
Posted: 8/27/2010 10:16:20 AM
Women do the exact same thing.
It's called avoiding any type of conflict. If he talked to you, he might have to listen to you cry, or yell, or just tell him to drop dead. Thus, just ignoring you, he doesn't have to deal with any of it.

So, that is why. It bites. Move on. Forget about the dweeb.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 52 (view)
 
How Long are you willing to email before meeting?
Posted: 8/26/2010 1:07:36 PM
It depends, my GF and I met off this site. We exchanged 3 emails then she gave me her home # (did not know at the time she has net zero dial up, thus a phone call is much easier) talked for a few hours. Then we met the next day at a starbucks. Very low key meeting. That was in June of 2009. We are still together.

If people are honest with each other you can meet quicker. However, trust your gut, and ALWAYS meet in a very public place.
 bubbahyde1977
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
 
How many Messages does the average guy get.
Posted: 8/26/2010 11:38:23 AM
First, wrong forum. This forum is for asking others how your profile comes across to others.

To answer the question, guys get between 0-10 messages a week. Women, between 0- 200 a week. It all depends on the person.

Next time look at the forums and select the most appropriate one to post in.
 
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