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Thread: A good way to end a relationship and still be friends

Joined: 10/9/2004

Msg: 5 (view)

A good way to end a relationship and still be friends Posted: 11/28/2004 7:27:35 AM
Wow, tough one. And a topic I've had a lot of experience with on both sides. It all boils down to this: The person you're dumping may be very much in love with you. After all, I don't know of very many dumpings that were "mutual". Someone wants out and will initiate the dump. Although I've been the "dumper" and "dumpee" in this scenario, I think I'll approach this from the "dumpee"'s prospective. Why? Because I know how much it hurts when you are madly in love with someone who decides they want to play the field with other people. The psychology on this from the dumper's perspective is simple: "I want to see what else is out there before committing to this person forever, but this person is really good to me so I kinda wanna keep him/her on the sidelines just incase". If you still want to be friends with the person you're dumping, maybe that means you still have feelings for that person but, bottom line is, you're just not sure and need to find out. So now, let's move to the actual dump itself. The dumpee's heart has just been broken. Or worse, smashed to bits. They are devestated. And there's nothing you could have done different to avoid this - short of not breaking up at all. On top of being heartbroken, they're going to feel betrayed by the one person in the world who they trusted to never betray them. The mere thought of you being with someone else is almost literally a killer to the dumpee. Every time they think of you, the image of you shagging your next conquest will be in their heads. This is the part that kills people. Thinking of someone you're madly in love with deciding they don't love you anymore, betraying you, and "making love" to someone else. They have to get that thought out of their head ASAP before it starts doing some real damage. How do they do that? By getting YOU, the dumper out of their head ASAP and moving on as quick as possible. That means, no friendship after the fact. No casual phone calls, no buddy-buddy. If you don't love the person you're dumping and they love you, don't torture them. Just leave them alone. If down the road you decide that this person was the best thing for you, and that you can be dedicated to that person then give him/her a call and tell them that. If you're lucky they won't be in a new relationship and still hating your guts. Sorry I couldn't have a more positive perspective on this, but these are the facts you need to consider. Break-ups are a b*tch, aren't they? :)

Joined: 10/9/2004

Msg: 19 (view)

Getting References Before Entering A Serious Relationship or Marriage Posted: 11/28/2004 7:10:13 AM
I'm not afraid of that. I'd actually get some pretty good references. One actually offered! lol! "Really nice guy who always made me feel special and is great in bed!" Or maybe she was just trying to boost my self-asteem. Who knows. ;) Just because the relationship didn't work out doesn't mean you were a bad person.

Joined: 10/9/2004

Msg: 19 (view)

picking up girls in the street Posted: 11/28/2004 6:55:19 AM
My ex-girlfriend went to Harvard Law School and got me a sweater from there. Maybe I should pull it out of the closet! LOL!

Joined: 10/9/2004

Msg: 16 (view)

The 7 year itch and monogomy...do you think its true!? Posted: 11/28/2004 6:34:42 AM
Its more like the 2-year itch in my experience. I've had two virgins in my past who remained in a monogomous relationship for about two years before they started to secretly get curious, watch a few episodes of "Sex In the City" and decide to dump me to go and see what its like with other guys. So in my experience, they WILL cheat on you eventually. Just happened AGAIN actually, about two months ago. Virgin girl (and not young by the way, its not like they're naieve - last one was 31!), very serious relationship for over two years before she started going on secret dates before dumping me for some slick rich lawyer type. Sheesh! Ok so maybe I'm a little jaded, but it did happen twice and they were both virgins.

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