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starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

How Much Should I Disclose? Posted: 11/22/2009 6:57:13 PM
Are we still in high school?!! She can go to the source for information. Why would you put up with the drama?

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 181 (view)

Oh, its to soon to have sex... yah, blah, blah, blaw Posted: 11/22/2009 9:28:17 AM
No wonder nobody can get a decent date around here! We have guys like the OP that want to qualify a woman immediately based upon sexual performance. Most women want enough time to determine their date isn't just another asshat.....

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Finding Out How Interested He Is...And Why Posted: 11/20/2009 6:39:58 AM
LOL Cowboy...that was priceless!! Each person is an individual. No book can give more than a general outline of personality types. Even if there COULD be a manual to describe women it would destroy all that delicious mystery! The ongoing process of discovery keeps it interesting.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Start off as the new partner, then become their parent Posted: 11/18/2009 8:11:40 PM
I'll take a wild guess....perhaps you have a skewed perception of what constitutes weakness in character.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 40 (view)

Is it Wrong to call a woman handsome? Posted: 11/18/2009 6:35:41 PM
I don't think it's wrong to think of a woman as handsome, and the word doesn't necessarily carry a masculine connotation. I have thought of some men as beautiful, but I rarely say so, since some would be bothered by the word. Handsome or beautiful, both are compliments.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Matches based upon personality Posted: 11/11/2009 5:18:16 PM
People simply can't be reduced to answers on a survey, certain buzz words, or self-descriptions. There is no substitute for meeting and talking.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

Perpetual Victims of Repeat Relationship Issues Posted: 11/4/2009 6:37:26 PM
There are a myriad of reasons why people find themselves attracted to bad characters. There are repeat patterns, trying to fill a hole in a personality, trying to resolve past relationship problems....the reasons are as diverse as individuals will be. Relationships can escalate too quickly, before character is determined. Self esteem can make people settle for anything rather than face being alone with themselves. People make mistakes.....and learn. There may be a disproportionate number of forum posts bemoaning repeat mistakes just because of the nature of the site. There are plenty of folks who manage to negotiate happy, functional unions. This isn't where you hear much about that....

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

lonley Posted: 11/1/2009 5:53:54 PM
For me the antidote to loneliness was to invest my energy in the relationships at hand that were important to me....friends, family, co-workers. It helps to sort through your associations and nurture those that are good, and let the negative go their way. You will have to reach out before you will find someone reaching back. Start from where you are. Painful yearning can give way to gratitude and peace. From that platform it will be easier to be open to the one you seek.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Do You Think People Are Possessions? Posted: 10/27/2009 8:27:09 PM
You seem to have overbalanced your beliefs, OP. In working to overcome one extreme, you have reached another. Examine how you really feel instead of what you think you should be feeling. Eventually you will find your center point. Peace

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Been there done that, what advice to you give to someone getting married? Posted: 10/24/2009 5:58:51 PM
My sister is getting married in the next few months. She is 50 years old and this will be her first marriage, and her intended's second. They won't be raising children or building empires like many new marriages. She has taken care of herself all of her life through some hard times and has met an old friend and fallen in love. The skeptics in our family were laying odds that she would screw this up. I'm not sure where the negativity comes from, except that my sister was 'that one' in the family that was always picked on. If you've been in a big family you know what that means. She is happy, but doesn't seem to be at all out of touch with reality. She understands the future will contain uncertain challenges. I congratulated her and urged her to keep the commitment in mind in all she does. She's not used to having another person to consider in everything and marriage changes that. I liked her man when I met him and I like the way they are together. I don't think she's going to screw this up at all. I think she's going to be very happy to live with someone who will be her helpmate and companion in all they choose to do together. Any one of us could do worse....

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Venus Mars War ... Posted: 10/23/2009 5:32:29 PM
People come to a forum to vent, so it isn't really surprising to hear so much emotion... Personally, I've never had a Mars/Venus war. Peace...

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 58 (view)

Needs & Wants Posted: 10/16/2009 9:32:34 PM
I agree....msg 10 hit upon the heart of the matter. It has been said it is more blessed to give than to receive....it is also EASIER to give than to receive. To be the giver is to be in the position of strength and feels more gratifying than to 'stoop' to the level of asking another for your need. It is an emotional risk to ask another to provide what you cannot do for yourself. Neediness is often looked down upon, yet all of us at one time or another has either had to swallow our pride and ask, or do without... Our healthy existence as human beings requires interdependency. Stubborn independence is a lonely way to live! We are not complete within ourselves. We have only partial knowledge, partial experience; partial ability. It is only in the sharing of our gifts that we are able to grow beyond our limitations, see what we may have missed….learn what we need to know. Every ‘please’ is a gift, an offer of openness and vulnerability, a willingness to rest for a moment and allow another to be our strength. We would do well at times to have the strength to be weak, and allow another to bestow the gift of giving. It may be that, at times, we fail to ask for what we need because we FEAR we will receive what we ask for, or that the receiving will obligate us beyond what we are willing to reciprocate...

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

timeline , phone numbers, and safety Posted: 10/13/2009 7:02:27 PM
I understand your concern, being new to the concept, but truly the only guideline is how you feel. Every contact is different and each may feel safe within a different time line. Decide how you feel about the email conversation. Give out your number or ask for one when you feel comfortable about it. Meet if and when you want to. Take it slowly and gain confidence from your experiences. Keep your wits about you and trust your gut. NEVER do anything you don't feel comfortable with and don't let yourself be pushed. Happy fishing.... Peace

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Should I continue seeing him? Posted: 10/12/2009 7:07:31 PM
Go back and read what you wrote as if you were hearing it from a friend you care about. What would you say to your friend? I think you know....

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 134 (view)

are you still sexually experimenting? Posted: 9/25/2009 6:27:43 PM
Oh yes, I've been experimenting with a threesome...me, myself, and I

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

EMO Posted: 9/22/2009 9:06:27 PM
"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth". – Benjamin Disraeli I'd be more worried about a person who shows NO emotion, than one who does...

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Impersonal feelings Posted: 9/7/2009 12:04:21 PM
Unless I misunderstand you, it sounds all the same to me....impersonal. Detached. Inability to get beyond the satisfaction of 'self.' I don't think it's natural at all, although it's obviously prevalent in current society, along with so much bewildered dissatisfaction in relationships. There is no 'relate' in your scenarios. If anyone will do....that's just sad.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 138 (view)

Is Rock and Roll dead? Posted: 9/2/2009 7:58:35 PM
No, of course it isn't dead!! And it won't expire in my lifetime.....good enough for me!

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 59 (view)

I am not a senior! Posted: 9/1/2009 7:19:08 PM
We live in a unique time in history where there is nothing to call people who are 45-75......certainly not SENIOR...although there are those who go downhill sooner than others. So many times that is just a matter of choice, as most of us are well aware. If not senior, then WHAT?? I too hate to be labeled, however, our particular generation is different than those that preceded us in a few ways. I think we still have plenty to contribute....

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

When freedom is too much and enough... Posted: 8/30/2009 7:20:46 PM
I'm holding out for the relationship that doesn't ever feel as though either of us has lost our freedom. If it doesn't make us both freer than ever before....it isn't the right kind of love for me.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

When does the pain end? Posted: 8/30/2009 6:26:35 AM
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and pain. It takes many years to recover from the break up of a long marriage. It also takes a lot longer than 6 months to be ready to find a new relationship, in my opinion. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to make some new friends. It will do you good to envision a new life for yourself that will be completely different from what you have known. The only cure I know for the pain is time, and gratitude. There are always things to be grateful for....focus on those and remain hopeful. Your changes are sudden and painful to you, but change is inevitable and necessary. I wish you well.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

i know what i DON'T want Posted: 8/28/2009 5:54:01 PM
I have a pretty good idea of what I want and don't want, but that's just a list and not a person. I wouldn't be interested in a person who merely filled a list! Personality and character are what attracts. I mostly start on neutral and look for areas of compatibility. Naturally there are a few non-negotiables that have to be watched for...

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 34 (view)

do YOU see others as they truly are? Posted: 8/26/2009 12:14:42 PM
People are walking prisms. We see with our brains, not our eyes – and what we see depends on context. I believe this is what Anais Nin was getting at when she asked whether we see people not so much as they are, but as WE are. Everything we see is necessarily filtered through our own perceptions based upon personal knowledge and experience. How could it be otherwise? Therefore, it is not what you are looking at....but what you SEE that matters.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 84 (view)

Favourites & Last 5 Forum Posts being removed from profiles Posted: 8/23/2009 5:53:44 PM
OK, so I'll accept the fact that the last 5 postings won't show anymore, but I think it's a mistake. It really changes how I view the site even though I could dig for the postings of people I know. The only people I ever contacted on here was based on their posting. It was an excellent weeding device and gave an important dimension on a poster's personality. A profile can be written (or not) by anyone. I appreciate that the site is free, and I've made a few fantastic friends here....it's unlikely I'd ever have met them under the current conditions.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

100 Fifteen Minute Dates Posted: 8/22/2009 3:03:01 PM
I would rather volunteer for a long, slow root canal without anesthesia

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Letting go of your past Posted: 8/10/2009 8:13:22 PM
It may be a gift of age to learn to embrace your past....at this point, my past has more years than my future! I finally took a good look at all the dark places in my past and managed to shine some light in there. Dark memories aren't so hard to face after enough time has passed. They give up a different perspective. My past is a part of who I have become, and I've made peace with it.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

Did you really give it your all? Posted: 8/7/2009 5:30:10 PM
Yes, I really did give it my all...and then some! Of course I wasn't perfect or blameless and I learned a lot from the experience. I know that we are both much better off for our parting after all was said and done.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

What do you think? Is this Selfishness or Not Settling? Posted: 8/5/2009 6:11:16 PM
Birthdays can be powerful times of reflection. It's good to step back and take a look at where you've been, and where you'd like to go. You walked away for good reasons that you're satisfied with. It may be a good time to give yourself a break for a while to continue your exploration of your own wants and needs. I don't know if it applies to you, but often we repeat relationship scenarios because we are subconsciously trying to return to a previous relationship problem that we are trying to correct the next time around. Every life experience is an opportunity to learn and observe your feelings and reactions. If you find you want a change....make one.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

So why are a man's hands so attractive to women? Posted: 7/30/2009 7:49:51 PM
Hands are attractive because they contain lots of sensitive nerve endings. Hands project an electricity that emanates from the energy of their owners. They tell stories sometimes without words. Hands are expressive.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Need advice on moving out / ending relationship Posted: 7/27/2009 7:02:39 PM
OP, I don't know you or your situation...but is it possible your relationship has become boring? Boring can be fixed. What are your common interests that have been set aside? Take a spontaneous road trip somewhere and talk to one another for a while. Believe me, the single life over 45 is no walk in the park! A deep friendship is a great foundation to support a brand new romance. Give it your best shot before you walk away. JMHO

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 69 (view)

Are you trusting, optimistic, or both? Posted: 7/22/2009 7:18:35 PM
I'm trusting until I have good reason not to be. I trust myself. I'm optimistic and see no reason not to be BECAUSE I trust myself. I've had some hard lessons the same as most of us, but it hasn't broken my spirit. I'm an optimistic realist. People can be disappointing....it's most important not to be disappointed in yourself.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

What is going on here? Is it me or is he simply inexperienced? Posted: 7/22/2009 5:54:12 PM
He sounds like a great catch to me, OP. Keep talking and initiate the kiss when you feel the moment is right. Time will tell the story. Good luck!

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 34 (view)

All time best blow offs, keep it fun Posted: 7/21/2009 12:25:56 PM
I would be glad to go out with you but my parole officer says no. Let's meet up at my AA meeting this week then hit the bar. My doctor says I shouldn't date anyone until he can run some more labs. Two of my personalities want to meet you, but the third doesn't and he's the dominant one. I is sowwy but I dont not, never date peeple who cant spelll or use there periods, in the write place. I really like you a lot. But the voices in my head are screaming at me to stop seeing you. I'm upping my standards, so up yours!

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

Being needed and making a contribution. Posted: 7/10/2009 3:56:08 PM
It's my nature to be a nurturer, but not because I need to be needed....I only need to be true to my own nature!

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

I don't know what to think of my friends... Posted: 7/5/2009 5:49:13 PM
The point is OP, you need to listen to yourself about what's most important to you, and not your friends. Physical intimacy is a private matter between yourself and whomever you decide to share that experience with. Don't let the peer pressure to have casual sex get to you when you don't feel comfortable with it. You are the one who will have to live with your feelings and decisions...not your friends.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

Using a phone during sex? Is this really bad? Posted: 7/5/2009 5:39:03 PM
Just when I think I've heard everything.....multitasking has reached new lows

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

artistic creativity and compatibility Posted: 7/2/2009 7:32:53 PM
I know some wonderful pragmatic artists. There are many manifestations of the spectrum between right/left brain thinkers. For me, a balance is ideal. What goes the distance is an agreement on the things that are considered most important. Compatibility is not a formula.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

The One? Posted: 6/25/2009 6:45:48 PM
This subject has been done to death, but I'll bite... 'I am one and you are one, and we are altogether one.' There are many 'ones'. The one that taught you something important. The one that understood you. The one that was your best friend. The one who was your most exciting lover. The one you could trust with your heart. The one who broke your heart. Our close connections are few and precious. Some come and go, leaving their gift behind. Maybe, if we're lucky, we'll meet that one who will walk with us to the end of our paths.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Why do they all pull away? Posted: 6/24/2009 7:36:37 PM
A couple of things may be going on....it may be that your picker is in need of repair. But I do sympathize with your plight. Sometimes it seems like 30 is the new 14.....kind of like it's said 50 is the new 30, and think that may be a GOOD thing! lol People seem to take longer and longer to grow up. It could be hard to find someone in your age range who has emotionally evolved enough to be committed to you. I wouldn't suggest going too much older either, there are so many problems there.... You may want to take your time and evaluate the character of your next partner before you become too attached......skip the re-bounders.....and good luck!

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 81 (view)

Have you gotten to the point where you just don't care? Posted: 6/22/2009 8:11:49 PM
I care much more than I ever used to....I care enough not to meet people I know I'll have nothing in common with. I care enough not to lead someone on when I know nothing will come of our acquaintance. I care enough about myself not to waste my energy pining away for something that won't happen at my will and convenience. To base your happiness and self worth on the outcomes of a dating site is really depressing!

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

How important is chivalry in an relationship to you? Posted: 6/17/2009 8:26:23 PM
I absolutely expect to be treated with honor and respect, exactly as I would treat anyone I would meet....and it has never been a problem with anyone I HAVE met, so to those who proclaim that men's manners have become extinct....you've just met the wrong ones :)

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 49 (view)

Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser Posted: 6/16/2009 7:55:34 PM
Maybe you're the loser, and maybe you're not....but you DID post a POF comment about a POF relationship. How does this make you superior?

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 56 (view)

Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego? Posted: 6/15/2009 7:27:05 PM
You are merely fishing in a smaller pond....there are women who will enjoy your varied levels of thought....the numbers may just be lower.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Long Distance Relationships? Posted: 6/15/2009 6:55:31 PM
There are an increasing number of people who have successful long-distance relationships, but they come with their own challenges and it takes the right two people to navigate them well. It seems your man has already decided it isn't right for him. Be happy for a great experience, and move on...

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Why do we have rules? Posted: 6/10/2009 6:49:55 PM
You have your rules and I have my own.....you could call them boundaries. Until you've determined your own, it's very difficult to go forward with confidence. Don't worry, you get to change your rules when you learn something new about yourself :)

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Ladies, have you ever forgiven a BF for saying terrible things to you? Posted: 6/10/2009 6:44:04 PM
Yes, I have forgiven many times.....eventually I was always sorry I did. It may not be what you'd like to hear, but you asked!

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

How Important Is Musical Taste In A Relationship? Posted: 5/23/2009 4:53:50 PM
Music is important to me so....yes....musical tastes could be an influence when deciding to spend a lot of time with someone. There are also a couple of genre's that I don't want to listen to. Music carries memories and associations much the same as scents can. You are not likely to enjoy the scent of food that reminds you of being violently ill! I can't sit and listed to country western without being uncomfortable. There's some pop music I think of as 'middle school music' that I'd prefer never to hear again. I'd enjoy the company of someone much more if we could appreciate music together.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

How long to wait before dating? Posted: 5/20/2009 7:10:30 PM
OP there are several negatives in your post. You dislike the thought of dating, but you feel you SHOULD get out there....who says? why?? And yes...many women will see your recent relationship as a negative. If you want to socialize and meet people go ahead and get out there! You are the only one who knows how you feel, or what you are able to give to another relationship at this point. Be honest with yourself and with others to the best of your ability. Time is short....yes....but days can be way too long in a bad situation...be sure you won't choose another.

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

Do you leave when the all has gone? Posted: 5/20/2009 6:52:54 PM
It is likely that most people's need to have it ALL in a partner is directly related to how much satisfaction they have with their single life. Personally, I'd like to have it ALL! I'm optimistically pragmatic. Life is good....and life is even better with the right partner. It's important to have someone close to share the ups and downs, stories and experiences, joys and sorrows of living. It has nothing to do with being joined at the hip. More important is for each to have their freedom of expression, without hating what their partner is expressing!

starry_night

Joined: 8/15/2006

Msg: 55 (view)

Let's get naked Posted: 5/19/2009 9:09:46 PM
I've always been pretty comfortable in my own skin, and I wouldn't be getting naked with someone unless we saw one another as beautiful..

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