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Thread: Cyber sex searchers...waddup??

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Cyber sex searchers...waddup?? Posted: 9/10/2006 9:54:21 PM
Women do the same thing. I have a gay friend who is not interested in women at all. They constantly bother him, telling him they can "change him", and won't leave him alone. I, on the other hand, am heterosexual, not looking for sex, not a danger, and a peaceful guy. I DON'T have women coming onto me. When I was married and had a wedding band on, plenty of women came on to me. Seems to me women want danger or a challenge. Maybe it's the same thing for men.

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 298 (view)

Mail order brides Posted: 9/10/2006 9:41:08 PM
You know, I've known people who've gotten mail order brides because they are tired of the Americanized woman. These men found a mail order bride and are happy. The relationship has also lasted. It has me interested, but I wouldn't know where to start. From what I understand you have to be careful with some of those companies, and you'd better have some serious cash.

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Considering this forum has about 60 years of experience with relationships... Posted: 9/10/2006 9:37:51 PM
My personal opinion (for what it's worth) is this. Gender roles have changed. It used to be that one person was head of household and both knew it. Now, both people are trying to be head of household. So, it's a constant power struggle. I heard someone say one time that if both of the partners are the leader of their family, then one of them is not needed.

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 41 (view)

It is time for women to write the dating rules Posted: 9/10/2006 9:20:31 PM
Eternally single, BIG turnoff. When a woman comes onto to me with passion, I run. 95% of the emails I get where the woman initiated the contact gets replied to with a "no" and thrown into the delete box. Same thing in a public place or anything else. If she initiates the pursuit, I'm gone.

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 41 (view)

Bf trouble, why wont he commit? Posted: 9/10/2006 9:14:04 PM
Mr Fair Play, I agree totally. Why is it women think being independent is a turnon to a man? Whenever I see that in a profile, I zip right on by to the next one. Ladies, when you say "I'm independent", men interpret that to say "I don't need a man".

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 282 (view)

Is it okay for a woman to hit a man? Posted: 9/4/2006 10:32:59 PM
Thank you so much for bringing this issue up. My ex-wife was very abusive and was eventually arrested for it. She divorced me when I wouldn't take the blame in the courtroom. In multiple instances she beat the hell out of me, in large part because I let her. I refuse to hit a woman. She knew that and used it to her advantage. She threatened my life on multiple occassions and caused me to be removed from positions of prominence in public life. I eventually had to move to another state. I don't care who does the hitting. Under no circumstances is it right to attempt to control your partner through physical or verbal abuse.

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

Ready to Run- feeling lied to and betrayed Posted: 9/4/2006 8:54:23 PM
Something's going on behind your back. We men don't hide it very well. Sounds like to me he's leading a double life. Are you sure he isn't married? That's my suspicion. If he's spending time with you during the week and disappears on the weekend, sounds like a married man. It's as simple as this. During the week, he can tell his wife he's working overtime. However, on the weekend, he has to stay at home to reduce suspicion.

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 83 (view)

Why Can't People See When Someone Is Not Into You? Posted: 9/4/2006 8:46:55 PM
My opinion is because people put up false "masks" of themselves at first. They "play the game" in order to get the other person to fall for them. Then, when they've got them, they go back to their true selves and "bang", the connection isn't there any more. Even here on POF, there is a section telling you how to "spice up profile" to get more responses. In other words, fake it. Therefore, that real "connection" is a false one based upon falsehoods. Sad that people can't just be up front and honest with each other, especially when they put "I'm an honest person" in their profile.

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

I need Some Honest Advice.. Posted: 9/4/2006 8:31:55 PM
Cotter, Counseling did absolutely nothing for me. It was a waste of my time and money. I don't know if that's because I'm male and these counselors thought I should just "get over it", or what, but I found their advice to be completely useless. Contrary to popular belief, men hurt emotionally too, and we are not as emotionally strong as we let on to be. We hide it very well. Emotions are unique to all humans, not just females. What helped me more than anything were friends who helped me through it. When it all went down, I found out who the real friends were. Those real friends helped me deal with the stress and the depression that I went through afterwards.

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

I need Some Honest Advice.. Posted: 9/4/2006 8:20:08 PM
Wolfie, I can relate to what you are going through. I married a woman who was wonderful before we got married. After marriage, she became violent, and I learned she had been in and out of mental institutions her whole life. She refused to take the medications her doctor gave her. She was physically and verbally abusive to me. She finally went to jail for beating me up one night. It wasn't the first time she had beaten me. It's very difficult for a man to admit this, but I did not defend myself for I will not hit a woman. Anyway, when she went to court she tried to blame the whole thing on me, lying to the judge telling him she was trying to defend herself. I testified against her and she was convicted. She divorced me right after that, and became even more dangerous. Finally, I just moved. I still have the nightmares and have a very difficult time sleeping myself. I'm just now getting to the point that I want to try to trust someone, but I'm still very very cautious. They say time heals all wounds. Physical wounds, I agree. It's the verbal wounds that are hard to get by. The best advice I can give you is hang in there. Don't give up. You need time. Don't rush into another relationship with that baggage. It will only hurt you and the person with whom you are in a relationship with.

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 49 (view)

should you remain friends with your ex... Posted: 8/24/2006 10:00:02 PM
Not unless you are never going to date again. If you have a friend that is an ex, I challenge you to explain to the new boyfriend/girlfriend that it is only about friendship. It doesn't fly. There's always that "what if" in the back of their minds. Sever the ties unless you are finished dating.

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

HOW DO YOU START TRUSTING SOMEONE AGAIN Posted: 8/24/2006 9:52:03 PM
Sorry, I got so wrapped up in my last email, I forgot to answer the original question. Here's how you start trusting someone again... Trust like a little child. What I mean by this is trust everyone until they give you a reason not to. Just because person A broke your trust does not mean person B should be withheld your trust. It isn't fair to person B. I'm not saying to trust person A again. You have that perogative and I don't blame you for never trusting again. But it just isn't fair to take it out on someone else.

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

HOW DO YOU START TRUSTING SOMEONE AGAIN Posted: 8/24/2006 9:47:58 PM
I'm so glad you said "people here lie so much and play with your head". That has also been my experience with dating sites. I was beginning to think I was a voice alone in the wilderness. The internet is such a cold place. It allows the worst of people to come to the surface. It could be such a wonderful tool for finding a mate if people could just be honest and get past their desire to "flame" others. Furthermore, just replying to an email would be a nice touch, which is the biggest problem I've seen with dating sites.

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 95 (view)

best ways to get even with your ex Posted: 8/24/2006 9:41:52 PM
The best way to get even with anyone who wronged you is pretend it doesn't bother you. When my ex-wife divorced me for testifying against her in court (domestic abuse), she gave me the papers demanding everything. I asked her "where do I sign"? And moved on. It completely irked her. Then, don't carry the bitterness around with you. It only hurts you, not them.

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

Has Internet dating made us too picky Posted: 8/24/2006 9:36:39 PM
I've found internet dating to be largely unfulfilling. As stated earlier, people don't reply to emails (rude) and a heck of lot of flaming goes on. Furthermore, of all my personal friends who have been down the internet dating route, they had no problem getting into a sexual relationship, but never got into a lasting relationship. I think the reason for this is the false impression most people put in their profiles. There's even tips on how to make your profile "catchy" and interesting here, rather than truthful and meaningful. The sad part is, most of us pick people based on those "positive" profiles, and we won't even try to strike up a conversation with someone just because they don't have a pic, or because their profile is too short, or they are not looking for the same type relationshiip we are. Heck, what's wrong with emailing someone for more information? What's wrong with responding to someone who emails you for more information? Therefore, I don't think it's that we've become too picky, but rather we don't dig deep enough past the surface crap to find out what someone is really made of.

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 55 (view)

WHy do women stay in BAD RELATIONSHIPS and AWFUL MARRIAGES? Posted: 8/24/2006 9:27:05 PM
Women aren't the only ones who are abused. There are just as many men, but we don't talk about it. (There was a movie about it called "Men Don't Talk" a few years ago) My ex-wife was abusive physically and verbally. She went to jail for it and was convicted after beating the hell out of me. Although I was larger than her and could have taken her easily, I will not hit a woman. I was stupid enough to try to defend her in court. On her court date, she fabricated a story to attempt to get the judge to drop the charges, so I testified against her when she did that. She then divorced me, took everything I owned, and made several threats on my life. Wanna know why she beat me that particular night? Because I moved a night light from one plug to another. No kidding. So, please, don't get the impression that it only happens to women. I would dare say there are PLENTY of men in these forums that if they had the nerve, would admit they have been treated the same by an ex. In the meantime, I challenge you to find that movie and watch it. It is a real eye opener.

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

Why does no one reply? Posted: 8/24/2006 8:45:02 PM
I have several friends on POF and they all state the same thing. To me, that is the biggest downfall with these dating sites. If someone emails you, have the common decency to at least email them back and tell them you aren't interested. Every time I get involved with dating sites, I feel like I'm wasting my time. It is so much easier to meet people out in public and have a decent conversation without all the rudeness and flaming that goes on in dating sites. Sad. Dating sites have such wonderful potential to bring people together for something other than sex, which seems to me to be the primary reason people join them.

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 704 (view)

Do You Men Read Our Whole Profiles? Posted: 8/24/2006 8:36:44 PM
No, not always. I start reading them and if I see something there that I can't live with or our interests don't match, I stop reading and move on. Most of them I do read completely though. The biggest problem I have with the profiles is the contradictory statements so many people make. For example, the choice they make about what kind of relationship they are interested in may say they are looking for friends, but in the body they state they are looking for their soul mate. I see this VERY frequently.

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 1341 (view)

GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage? Posted: 8/24/2006 8:30:44 PM
I did wait until marriage until I married what I thought was the right woman. She was the wrong woman. Would I do it again? Yes. I would wait. I say keep special things special. Dating and relationships are SO much more than about sex. Sex complicates the simple pleasures.

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 908 (view)

Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all? Posted: 8/24/2006 8:24:48 PM
There are some of us who have high profile careers or are high profile people. Mine is a semi high profile career, therefore, my pic is not public. It is available upon request though, and I think that if someone requests a pic after emailing back and forth, then the person should send them a pic. I know other people who have ex-lovers who are "stalkers". Why should these people be punished because they don't have a pic? I also think it is shallow not to speak with someone who doesn't have a pic. When I see someone post that they will refuse to talk to anyone without a pic, I won't have anything to do with them. It's typically an indication the person is full of pride or is only after looks. Very shallow. Most of my emails have gone to people without pics anyway. For some reason or another, it seems to me females tend to post their pic less often than males. I could be wrong about that, though.

Joined: 8/19/2006

Msg: 277 (view)

Tom Boy's, a Plus or a Minus in Men's Books? Posted: 8/24/2006 8:12:58 PM
Here's one that doesn't want his lady to act like a "tomboy". Personally, I want my mate to be all female and feminine through and through. I'm attracted to women who act like women, not women who act or dress like men. If I wanted a man, then I would date a man, but I want a woman.

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