Why do people say i work long hours so..... chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: Why do people say i work long hours so.....

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

Why do people say i work long hours so..... Posted: 8/2/2008 8:29:07 PM
I've just started seeing someone who works 10-ish hours a day, and finishing a degree online. It's frustrating when I'd really like to see her, but she's too busy for me. We do a lot of text messaging, and talk on the phone almost daily. In my situation, it's important to know that I'm still thought of, and that I'm still important. For her, I hope that my patience is welcomed and appreciated.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Boyfriend mad at me, advice plz Posted: 8/25/2007 8:19:21 AM
Well, I wondered about some things at the start of your post, but I now see why you're dating a 19-year-old. I'm just not sure why he's dating you. Anyway, I've been in his position, and he just needs about a day to calm down. Leave him a text to say "call me later," and then live your life and let him call. Don't be obsessive about talking to him, because you'll just be giving him all the power of the relationship (which it sounds has alread happened, but it's not a good thing). And I agree, you should at least try and make a life on your own, away from your parents.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

young women and the married middle aged cable guy Posted: 8/25/2007 7:51:28 AM
I know that I got free cable in college because my female apartment mate answered the door. The three of us joked about the other idiots on the block who were ordering cable and didn't have a TV in the apartment yet. My friend did mention that she and I aren't dating (never did, never will), but I was there the whole time and she never came on to him that I could detect. But we got to watch South Park for free for a whole year, and nobody complained! :)

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 41 (view)

Platonic Roomates - Do they exist??? Posted: 8/2/2007 9:26:16 PM
I'm 30, and currently live with a male friend from college. I've lived across the hall from this guy (in this house) for a year now, and this is the longest I've had living with another guy. I've had half a dozen female roommates, and never once did I, or they, try to become more than just friends who lived in the same apartment. I get the feeling that someone said something to make you question the possibility of a platonic living situation. That person is trying to press a stereotype onto you for some reason, and you're probably well off to find out what that reason is.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

People caring about how strangers view them Posted: 8/2/2007 9:21:27 PM
If you don't care what strangers think, why'd you bother to start this thread? We all care what others think about us, though the long-term impact of what a stranger or casual acquaintance thinks of us will hold much less weight than the views of a loved one. If you honestly didn't care what strangers thought, you wouldn't be on a dating website! One of the main reasons to be here is to try and find a stranger who thinks well enough of us to stop being a stranger.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

Can the talking study be really true? Posted: 8/1/2007 9:28:19 PM
I don't get to have adult conversation for most of my workday, so I talk alot for the first few hours after I get home. I'm much better on weekends, when I can take a breath and listen to other people. But yes, I've been in a relationship where my partner talked too much. I like some peace & quiet in every day... she didn't.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

This is stressing me out - what to do? Posted: 7/21/2007 7:22:02 AM
Sounds like you're lonely but don't want to admit it. Despite the good feelings you two have for one another, at this point of your lives, it doesn't look like a committed relationship is a good idea. At some point or other, one (or both) of you will start to resent the other for "holding you back" by being in the relationship. My humble advice is to start seeing other people. If you two are "meant to be," then time will bring you back together when you're both able to devote yourselves to one another.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

to reply or not to reply...I need some wisdom Posted: 7/21/2007 7:11:41 AM
I've noticed a general trend in the forums, and it's simply this: When someone asks if they should respond to something, 99% of the time the answer is NO. We ask for support because we're looking for someone to make a good argument as to why we should respond, but there isn't a good enough reason to torture yourself. And I agree with the other posters who suggest that your ex was drunk and feeling nostalgic, or maybe even just wanted a hook up for the night.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 7/15/2007 8:08:24 AM
Single people are typically open to the next relationship. Women have confided in me that, when they're single, they're also looking for a guy to become the next boyfriend, and occassionally pick up a friend or two on the way through dating. I can only hope that we men are capable of doing the same thing! Some explanations for the stereotype, off the top of my head, though: - Men tend to go logically, while women go emotionally. Men are looking for the next girlfriend, but women are meeting people, and may establish bonds that have no bearing on wether or not a romantic relationship is going to exist. - Men take longer to establish connections than women, so it's harder to consider someone a friend after a few times hanging out. In my experience, some women consider everyone they've ever had a pleasant conversation with to be a friend. - More single men than single women will only try and have a conversation with a new person if they're attempting to begin a romantic relationship. Since society says that men have to be the initiators of these conversations, the woman can either be a **** and refuse to talk to us, or she can try and find some redeeming quality in the guy whose taken the time and built up the courage to talk to her... why not find someone nice to say, and have a good chat? My friends are pretty much split 50/50, male and female. Yes, if things changed for the worse for some of my female friends, I would be open to dating them. However, I've been honest about it with the women involved, so they're aware of that issue, and it doesn't have to be discussed ever, after the first time of being totally honest with yourself and the lady. But I've also come to understand that these women are the best ones to help you meet compatible single women, because they know you well, and can help you find someone who'll put up with your crap and not make you want to run away halfway through the first date. * Also, friends are a valuable and important resource. Why convince yourself that you can't have friends of the opposite gender? You're cutting down on your options. But if you know that you'll actively try and sleep with anyone of the opposite sex who attracts you physically, well, at least you're being honest with yourself and know what lines not to cross.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 34 (view)

Lying about religion Posted: 7/15/2007 7:45:21 AM
I like to find the people who can't keep it straight in their own profiles! I've seen a few 'non-religious' who list "church" as a hobby! For myself, I choose "other" because I'm a Taoist, and it's just not on the list. I used to put Buddhist, because for the people who don't know any better, they're pretty similar religious philosophies, but then I started getting the "what type of Buddhist are you?" inquiries, and I didn't want to feel like a liar! So I changed it to "other," and have had a few conversations begin by explaining what I am and what it's all about. (Also had someone trying to get me to revert to my Catholic upbringing... which was kinda odd.) I'd guess that MOST guys who lie about religion are doing it to attract a greater number of potential partners. Also, when they fill out the profile, they might not feel very religious, and could be considering going another way with their life... when I edit my profile, I don't even think about re-checking that statistic. But I'd hope that anyone who does have a serious religious affiliation will do his/her best to be honest about it, because I have yet to discover a religion that accepts lying about the faith as an OK thing to do.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

has this ever happened to anyone? Posted: 7/5/2007 5:38:33 PM
Sure, it happens to a lot of people. That's why internet dating is so popular, despite our constant complaints about how poorly it works. People become attracted to someone's best qualities, and the fantasy begins... I've been there, as have many people I know. All I can say is that it's probably more fun to get burned again than be jaded forever. Best of luck.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Could you have a relationship with someone that was in a fraternity/sorority? Posted: 6/27/2007 8:39:19 PM
I'd never date anyone who is CURRENTLY in a sorority. If she's graduated college, has a job that makes her happy, and is in a good place in her life, then I don't care where she lived while in college. PS- I lived on Greek Row, but not in a Fraternity. The Scholars' Residence was formerly a frat, and that's where I lived for two years. Those were good times, but we graduated and are still friends, and we talk about the things we're going to do together, and don't lean too much on the past.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 45 (view)

I'm sooo depressed! Posted: 6/27/2007 8:32:13 PM
It's not a deal breaker. The vast majority of women I've dated should be on anti-psychotics, too! As for the guy who's telling us that most people shouldn't be on medication, he's right. Most people shouldn't be, and those people aren't. But some people should be medicated, and I'm glad we've got the resources to help these people. I've been working with them for years, and it's pretty obvious when the meds run out for a few days... and obvious that they need the meds to function safely around other people. Example: I worked with adolescents, and one kid's parents took him off all of his medication. His reasonable response to not hitting Free Parking while playing Monopoly was to throw the table through a picture window, and then try to cut himself on the shards of glass. But as most people will agree, he was weak and simply giving into societal pressures to "not kill people for petty things." I wouldn't have any problem dating a medicated person. I'd rather be with someone whose issues are known and under control than with someone who represses everything and then drinks or gets high to try and cope.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 56 (view)

Are All men this way? Posted: 6/27/2007 4:35:54 PM
Are All men this way? Yes So, some explanation. You're inviting him to a place that you know will have scantily clad, attractive young women, but you're afraid he's going to look at them. To play on stereotypes, that's similar to handing you $500, sending you into a shoe store where everything's on sale, and be scared that you're going to buy something! Two points: If you're uncomfortable taking a date, then don't take a date! Second, he's going to look, he's going to have fun, and if he's remotely worth your trouble, he's coming home with you.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

women kissing aimals and reptiles on the mouth Posted: 6/27/2007 4:28:37 PM
I have pet fish. I grew up in a house full of dogs, usually a cat, and soemtimes a bird. Animals are animals, and I'm willing to bet there's a better chance of getting food poisoning from a fast food restraunt than from kissing a lizard. I don't advocate the reptile kissing, but I don't think it's particularly more dangerous or disgusting than many other things we humans do... (I'm thinking of the great scene from Clerks 2... if you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about...) So, in the end, we have some people who're repulsed by this behavior, and some who aren't. In my last job, I was helping to change the diaper of a 20 year old male. Everyone has their own idea of what "disgusting" is, and trying to judge others just isn't going to make them change. But congrats to the OP, at least you got some people fired up.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

AFRAID Posted: 6/27/2007 4:20:25 PM
Missmith, I don't think there's anything wrong with you. You've gone through a traumatic event, and your emotions aren't ready to be opened back up yet. You might think you're ready, but anyone you try and date right now won't get to know the real you, because you'll be second-guessing yourself, and him, a lot. Focus on school, and your job. Get comfortable with yourself and how you life's going, and then you'll meet some great guy in line at the grocery store, and things will be good. Personally, I've been through similar things, and I actually put years between the event and attempting to date. I did try to date too early once, and it was evident to both myself and the date after about 10 minutes of conversation. (We still had a nice evening, but there was no second date.) Patience is the key, and getting to be happy with yourself is also important. Rushing things just causes more complications later on.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

i`ve been seeing my boyfriend for 4 months Posted: 6/27/2007 4:14:05 PM
Hmm... my favorite part is that I was able to guess the OP's age based on the BF's behavior. Advice is this: give the baby to a stable, loving family, and then get a career that you love. After you're making some money, then look into becoming part of the baby's life. Please note: your current boyfriend is not included in this scenario in any way. Why is he amazing? Because he's willing to have sex with you, and dumb enough to do it without protection? Because he yells at you for things out of your control? Because he breaks up with you on a regular basis? Apparently, I'm approaching women from the totally wrong perspective... (okay, that line was totally sarcastic)... I've got another prediction, too. That you're going to read all of this very sane advice (not even counting mine, I'm talking about all the other posters) and think to yourself "but they don't understand, he's going to grow up and treat me wonderfully all the time, if I just keep loving him enough." And one day, you'll understand that the only person who can change someone is the person who needs to change, and that nothing you can do or say will alter his behavior toward you, only he can decide to make those changes. And no, you're not a white trash ho. But I'd feel fine in calling you immature and foolish if you keep letting him treat you this way... mostly because he's going to treat the baby exactly the same.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

BUSTED Posted: 6/27/2007 4:02:10 PM
So, you're with someone who doesn't trust you and is trying to control aspects of your life. And your profile has you listed as single and looking for a date. If I were your girlfriend, I'd be pissed as well. But you should look at the reason you're 1) with this gal, and 2) why you haven't changed your profile. Also, if you're here to read the forums and not to post much, and definately not to contact other women, you don't need to be signed in. My take on the whole relationship is that neither of you sees it lasting long, and you're both doing what you can to make yourself feel better, instead of doing anything to reassure the other person in the relationship. My advice, if you'd care to read it, is this: change your profile, and use most of the time you normally spend reading forums by sharing an activity with your girlfriend. Maybe if she felt special enough, she wouldn't feel threatened by the amount of time you're putting into "reading the different posts," and wouldn't care that you did it once in a while.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 91 (view)

disability and relationships, you've got to be kidding me! Posted: 6/23/2007 9:49:20 AM
You're asking too broad a question; stereotypes are normally based on enough initial occurrances that a person assumes that the initial thing is the norm for a situation... racial stereotypes, gender stereotypes, lifestyle choices; it's a nearly impossibly challenge to find someone who doesn't use stereotypes ot make sense of the world in some way. You're using them yourself, in nearly every post within this thread, and here it is: people without disabilities won't date people who have a disability. That's a stereotype. Now then, I've been working with children with special needs and at-risk youth for over six years, and I am definately able to treat every person I meet the same way. That gets me in trouble at work, for talking too fast, not giving someone enough time to process a request, or get slapped in the face for saying "you can't use the bathroom right now, someone else is in there." (And yes, that did actually happen.) Anyway, we all learn and react to the world based on our own experiences. If you'd dated thirty women, none of whom had any disability of any kind, you wouldn't have bothered to start this thread. Personally, I've almost exclusively dated women with personality disorders. Not by choice, but if I met someone else with a similar condition, I wouldn't shy away from her. I've got 2 physical disabilities, but they're unnoticable to most people (and some people don't believe it the first time I tell them). Also, the term itself-- dis-abled. Not able. Someone who is disabled is unable to do something. It's a bad term, and one which I dislike to apply to any human being... we all have our own obstacles and problems to overcome, why not just say it that way?

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

BPD help Posted: 5/17/2007 6:04:13 AM
Oh, I know! Pick me! I used to work with a few young adults with BPD, coupled in with some other things. One's history sounds very similar to your gal's, the little you've shared. From my own experience with dating the mentally disturbed, that if someone is using an event that occurred more than 15 years ago as an excuse for anything that happens in their present-day life, you need to evaluate that connection. If she's currently in therapy and is actively trying to improve herself, than be strong and find a support group so you're better able to help her. If she just accepts that she's going to flip out and wail on you every once and a while, and you're just supposed to sit there and take it... well, you're just another doormat for her. My own example is this: I was dating an alcoholic. I had a lot of trouble with the mood swings, irresponsibility, etc., so I reached out and started attending Al-Anon meetings. The people were great; they shared similar experiences, they helped me out more than I thought possible. Then I told my gf about it, and how happy I was that I'd be able to support her better. She flipped out because I told other people that she was an alcoholic! She wasn't doing anything to improve that area of her life... so why was I? Once that realization hit, I gave up on her, and haven't needed help with my daily existence since. To recap: if she's trying to fix herself, then be there for her. If she doesn't see this issue as a problem, but expects you to just accept it, then you should leave. If you stay, then you're an enabler. You're already allowing her to throw things and then make excuses for it... what about when she assaults someone in public, and the law gets involved? Are you going to stand up to defend her by telling everyone that she's crazy? Everyone needs to be held responsible for their actions, despite what triggers them to act in that fashion.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

would u date a former cutter???????????? Posted: 5/17/2007 5:53:24 AM
It'll obviously depend on the guy. In my case, it wouldn't bother me, as long as the woman answered all of my questions, and was very honest about it. Also, I'm fairly certain that there are things you still do in order to keep yourself from going back to that during times of high stress (medication, therapy, exercise), and it would be imperative that you keep your current boyfriend up to date in those times of your life as well, and include him if you can. For me, sure, I'd date a former cutter. Former alcoholic. Just about anything that's been treated, because the person was smart enough to admit that 1)what she was doing wasn't good for her and 2) she needed help to change. There's no shame in being smart enough to make yourself better!

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Do you really think love can be found on these web sights? Posted: 5/2/2007 9:47:33 PM
I'm sorry, my brain hurts now! This thing seriously needs to add a grammar and spell check option... Anyway, to answer the question in the title: yes, I think true love can be found via the internet, simply because it's another way to meet someone who'll love me as much as I'll love her. To reply to your post, though... Just tell him that you can't date him, because your feelings are friendship only. Don't lead him on, and make sure he understands that you'll be friends and that's it. I've been that guy, and received too many mixed messages and ended up with a broken heart because her words said one thing, but her actions said something totally different. Feelings are feelings, our brains won't change them, nor will the words of another person.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Male friend needs dating help Posted: 4/30/2007 8:57:49 PM
Have him write the profile. If someone else is writing for me, then it's only their version of me that others will see... and I'm looking for others to see who I think I am (which dictates how I behave 100% of the time). After his profile is created, leave a testimonial for him. But to answer your questions directly... Have him post the best picture of himself that he owns. I don't consider myself a looker, but enough women from here have told me that I'm cute, so I don't worry about my pics anymore. And why not just say that personality counts more than looks? Unless that's something you want him to think, but he currently does not share the opinion.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Burnt out with keeping up Posted: 4/30/2007 8:48:05 PM
Heh. I haven't had e-mail here in over a month. But like off-line life, when you've got a target, just focus on it. If someone else is going to stick around and show him/herself to be better than what you thought you wanted, then you'll know. If they just drift away, it's kinda like natural selection.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

For both of you or just you? Posted: 3/29/2007 10:27:06 AM
Depends on the conflict of interests. If I need to see the Eagles win the Super Bowl, but she needs to go to the hospital to deliver our baby... sorry, but I'll have to catch the replays on ESPN. If I need to get out of the house and into the wild for a weekend of fishing, and she needs to paint her nails or dye her hair... I'll clean the fish before I come home! All of humanity faces this issue on a daily basis. I could be cleaning my bathroom instead of browsing the internet, but as I'm normally the only person in there, it can wait a few more hours. If I expected another person to come over and require that facility, I'd be cleaning first, surfing second. But think of politics, and every "conflict of interest" dispute you've ever heard... People have individual needs, some are more important to one's future well-being than other needs. Seriously, I think any dispute between two people's needs should be settled by looking a week into the future; whichever need will have more impact is the one that should be handled sooner. As far as personal needs, are they actually needs, or merely wants and desires? You can always find someone who'll cater to your whims, if such a person is what you really want. I guess I'm having an attack of semantics, because I've all but eliminated the word "need" from my daily vocabulary.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Men and their occupations, why the defensiveness? Posted: 3/17/2007 8:28:16 AM
I'd guess there are a couple of reasons not to answer. If they guy isn't curently working, or doesn't want to tell you what he does; If he's not entirely interested in you, and is afraid you'll try and track him down at work; if he does something illegal... personally, I love my job and derive a lot of satisfaction from it... not a ton of money, unfortunately, but I still like it.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

How important is a pic for the profile? Posted: 3/11/2007 5:50:39 PM
I tend to recall pics better than names, because they're more distinct. I normally click on the matches of faces I don't recognize, and read profiles from there. As for the rest, if you're already here, why hide yourself? When meeting someone for the first time in a store or whatever, the only initial attraction is visual... you don't know the other person's religion, home town, or whether or not they have kids at first glance, and then you have to weed that info out during a short conversation. Here, you get that vital info up front, but a photo is just as vital. I mean, I'd hate to realize after several e-mails that I've been hitting on my cousin or something!

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

What is Ben to do? Posted: 3/8/2007 8:32:55 PM
Well Ben, you've made her sound like spending time with her is less important than your pride, and that's a problem to me. What happens when you two finally have a fight, and you know later on that you need to apologize for something you did? Will your pride prevent that? If I had an awesome girlfriend whom I saw twice a week, and she had plans to spend a week with me, I'd be looking for Ramen noodle recipes and borrowing VRC tapes from friends, so we could hang out and be together. If you're as honest as you want to be, than she'll be able to handle it. Besides, if you let her pay for some little things now, you can make it up to her later, as you just got promoted! Sending flowers for no good reason is a touch on the spendy side, but she'll appreciate it. Just some things to ponder.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Dating without the drunk Posted: 3/4/2007 7:44:10 AM
Hmm, so you worked at a place the serves alcohol, you're 19 which if I recall was the legal minimum age to drink in Canada, and you've labelled yourself already? Hmm, I wonder why the people you know drink and/or use drugs?! A few things stand out to me: It's concerning that you need to hide yourself behind a label; it was the first thing in your post, and you even suggested that people look it up for a definition, but the content of your post did a great job of defining the term. Also, you could've easily defined it in your post instead of requiring others to do the work to be able to keep up with you. Next, the easiest way to meet non-drinkers would be at an AA, Al-Anon or other 12 step meeting. Nice people, for the most part, who're sick of how alcohol dependancy destroys people. Church functions, in my guess, would be a safe second bet. Finally, it's not who you're hanging out with, but where you're hanging out. If you meet someone in a gym, you know you've met someone who'll be working out regularly. If you meet someone in a bar, you know that you've met someone who drinks; how much he drinks won't be obvious, but you know that it's part of his social situation. Don't hang out in places where people use drugs or drink, and you'll meet fewer addicts.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Best place a woman has taken you? Posted: 3/2/2007 8:47:54 PM
I'd have to say the fair. Or a drive up into the mountains to watch the sunset, or stare at the stars.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

what's your opinion on this? Posted: 2/27/2007 6:07:48 AM
Online dating sites are like going to a single's bar, or cruise, or any other function designated for single people who're looking for some type of relationship. You won't have time to meet everyone, and you won't like everyone you run into, or who contacts you. The only known truth about any of them is that they're looking for some sort of relationship, and you are a potential partner! But the same goes for anyone you'd meet at a bar, through friends, or in church... could be a married man looking for some side activity, who lies about having a wife. Could be the serial killer, or psycho-stalker. My dad refuses to buy anything online, due to paranoia about someone stealing his identity. However, I know 3 people who've had their credit card numbers stolen from restraunt garbage dumpsters, but no one who's been a victim of online credit card theft. So, does that mean it only happens behind restraunts, or never happens online? Of course not. But my experience is hardly the sum total of what has happened to all of humanity. To cease my ramble, I find online dating as a good door opener for meeting people. Of course, I meet people at work, in the gym, and when I go out to a bar, concert, or museum. The point is to meet people, in order to hopefully find someone who you can have a good, safe, long relationship with. The internet dating sites are only another outlet for this primal search. My question for you, OP, is this: the ones who are looking online, are they only looking online, or are they getting out into the community and continuing their search there as well? We all know that it's better to look in several areas instead of only one place, when you're not sure what you are looking for.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

How long should I wait? Posted: 2/27/2007 5:58:27 AM
How often did you communicate before meeting? As a guy, I'd like the dates to be additional time sharing ideas, and not something that takes the place of a phone call or e-mail exchange. Besides, after reading other forums here, it seems more than acceptable, sometimes expected, that a woman makes the first contact after a date. Just call him!

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Looking for (enter age range) Posted: 2/23/2007 5:00:38 PM
Well, if I go for someone under 21, then she can't go to a bar to shoot pool or throw darts with me. I've found that most women under 25 have no idea what life is about, or only part of an idea, and I've already chosen a career field and have few enough ambitions left to accomplish (not that I'm not ambitious, but I'm really happy with what I do, and refuse to give that up). Of course, I also want to have kids, and still be young enough to chase them around the house, so I can't date anyone too much older than I am... because of the same point, I want to date someone who isn't already finished having kids (either due to age or prior relationships). Hence, my dating preference is 25-30; some over 30 will hold my attention, and a few under 25. But that's just because of my mindset, and the understanding of what I need in a relationship (friends or more). I do agree, though, that it's really creepy whem men over 30 are looking to date someone who's 18. I like the idea of +/- 5 years, and kind of wish everyone would just have similar thoughts. But then, I also want to win the lottery and rule the world...

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Men and work-aholism Posted: 2/22/2007 4:10:40 PM
I look for overtime when I'm bored, have extra expenses, or am tired of facing the reality that I'm alone a lot of the time; most of my friends are people from work, and I find my job to be extremely rewarding. Yes, a lot of people (men and woman) take pride in what they've accomplished in a work environment.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Why WOULD you tell the truth? Posted: 2/21/2007 5:52:45 PM
I do my best to tell the truth in all situations. I do sugar coat things, though, and some people have a hard time with my tact, but they have an equally difficult time with the truth if I go that route later. Honestly, I've never had a woman who was able to hear something true that she didn't want to hear, and then continue in the relationship (including friendships). I think a lot of people are used to others saying what they want to hear, and they have a clouded view of the world. Pity to the person who doesn't contribute to that view, because THAT person must be out to get something, or is just plain old crazy... I'm going to continue with my honesty, though. I can sleep a night, no guilty conscience. It gets lonely, but I've done alright so far.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

I'm Not in Love--How to Break it Off Posted: 2/21/2007 5:54:35 AM
So, you used him to avoid feeling lonely over the holidays, and now you want us to justify that for you? Sorry, I won't do it. How many friendships can survive without honesty? You're not in a relationship anymore (though he thinks that he is), so just tell him so you two can both move on. I feel quite sorry for the guy, though, because he's another nice guy being strung along by someone who knows that it's not going anywhere, but who doesn't have the courage to be alone in the world.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 147 (view)

Honest Liars? Posted: 2/19/2007 7:18:30 AM
Maybe some men are looking for an opposite? More likely, they're looking for the opposite of the last person who broke their heart.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

can you really love 2 people? Posted: 2/18/2007 4:22:39 PM
Love, on a broad scale, can certainly be spread among many recipients. In my experience, when romantic love comes about, there is only one object of my affection. My gut tells me that no, you cannot have romantic love for two people at the same time; but many people are involved in stale relationships, and are afraid to lose that relationship, so they continue to lie to themselves and to others about loving their current significant other, but also having a side relationship with someone else, and telling the other people how deeply that love is. Fears, habits, and impossible dreams make people think they're in love with someone when they are not. Of course, lies are equally easy to spill...

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

connecting over career Posted: 2/16/2007 4:33:47 PM
It must be important, because I want to date the people I work with! Okay, now the explanation... I work in a high stress, person-centered field (helping kids with disabilities), and the qualities that draw people into such a profession are the qualities I most admire/seek in a mate; compassion, empathy, patience, caring, and generosity. Also, people in this field both understand the value of money, and know how to live it up on only a few bucks, which is great, because we also understand that we're always going to be on the lower end of any income bracket. Dating an Italian supermodel might be nice, but when she realizes that I'm cooking dinner for our second date because it's all I can afford, well, she might not be terribly impressed. As for people being driven by their career, I don't know. If someone were totally dominated by a career that isn't making them happy (beginning lawyers, for example), then I wouldn't get involved. For someone who happens to make a living doing something that they love, well, that wouldn't affect whether or not I would attempt to date.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

Growing out of friendships? Posted: 2/16/2007 4:27:20 PM
You might still have a high school friend left? Wow! I gradualted in 1995, and have no idea how to contact anyone from my graduating class. Of course, I was blessed with attending a different high school for each year of my high school education, so I was frequently on the outside looking in. I was just reflecting, though, that September this year is the 12 year anniversary of when I met the best friends of my life, the people I spent the first year of college with. That was such a great time for me, socially, and those friends are the ones I still contact on a very regular basis. As another poster mentioned, we mature and grow as we age... luckily, the friends I made in college were already pretty mature, and we're all growing in the same direction. Only worry about the direction your life is headed if you can't make any new friends. If making new friends is easy for you, then cherish the best memories of yesterday, but keep looking forward to tomorrow.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Pysical Attraction Posted: 2/13/2007 5:56:41 AM
You've gotta look at her past to understand, and "putting it behind" is a mistake. She's had a string of bad relationships with people who probably only wanted her for the sex... and now you don't, so there must be something wrong with you! I'd guess that she's feeling trapped or scared that she's in a safe relationship with you, so she's going to sabbotage it. If you do leave her, she'll go right back into dating the creepy old men. Been there, done that, and I'll never get suckered into another one of those relationships.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Do You Find Women Expect You To Read Their Minds? Posted: 2/12/2007 9:24:56 PM
Not just for Valentine's Day, but the other 364 days of the year, too! And it's funny, because of my intuition, I tend to be very good at detecting subtle things, if I'm looking for them... if not, an elephant could hide in my bedroom without too much trouble. However, I thought it true that you (women) would rather have your guy pick something out himself, that he things is romantic, instead of you dragging him to the store and saying "buy this one for me." If I'm right, then why have high hopes like that, instead of just appreciating that he's trying to be romantic, and he's going to get you something that will always be special?

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Already Taken, but someone else available crosses your path Posted: 2/12/2007 4:36:08 PM
When I'm in a relationship, other women cease to exist. Seriously, when I was engaged, I never looked at other women. I guess that when I'm in a relationship, as so much of my attention is focused on her, I get blinders, and don't recognize flirting from other women. Heck, I can barely recognize it now!

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Happy Valentine's Day Posted: 2/11/2007 9:20:27 AM
I stare at the floor buying groceries now, White linoleum, brown spots of mud, black veins separating tiles Only muted replicas of the red roses and pink hearts Reflecting up from the ground. I stare at the floor when shop, To pretend that I’m not alone, or broken, Or stitched with platinum at my core. I stare at the floor now, Ashamed that I have no flowers to give, No caramel creamed chocolates to share, No good night kisses, ever. And so it goes, Happy Valentine’s Day.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Is this it??? Posted: 2/11/2007 9:08:12 AM
God, I hope that's not all there is! I wondered a few nights ago if cancelling my wedding at age 19 was a good idea; she was crazy as a loon, mean, abusive... but she did, in her own twisted way, care for me. I've only had that connection once since, and it was over 10 years ago! I'm always trying to understand humanity on this planet. There's the stupid saying "there's someone out there for everyone," I often wonder if they world is so crowded that I'll never meet her. But I do know this, as a way to feel better. You're a guy with a heart, and that's less common than it should be. I do some volunteer work, and help kids with disabilities. I help my friends move, and offer advice when I have something to say. I go out of my way to help others, to make them feel better. My current working stance on life is that if all the people around you are happy, then you should feel pretty good, too. (It's tough to be depressed when all the people around you are smiling because of something wonderful you did.) Personally, I truly dislike the notion that I'll never have a healthy relationship that I can call me own, one that doesn't require me to settle, or compromise the person I've built myself into. But I'm coming to peace with the idea, because life more and more seems to be going in that direction.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

athletic people dating non athletic Posted: 2/10/2007 10:47:44 AM
I don't think it should be a dividing issue, as long as the non-athletic person is doing something other than sitting at home. If it's a community project, or second job... something to keep mentally busy. I like to hit the gym on a daily basis, but it's something I do to make myself feel good, not something to define who I am. So long as the other person don't want me to stop working out, and if she were able to find something to do while I'm in the gym, I don't think it would be too much of an issue.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

athletic people dating non athletic Posted: 2/10/2007 10:47:37 AM
I don't think it should be a dividing issue, as long as the non-athletic person is doing something other than sitting at home. If it's a community project, or second job... something to keep mentally busy. I like to hit the gym on a daily basis, but it's something I do to make myself feel good, not something to define who I am. So long as the other person don't want me to stop working out, and if she were able to find something to do while I'm in the gym, I don't think it would be too much of an issue.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Would you date a pregnant woman?? Posted: 2/8/2007 6:00:34 PM
If I'd just met someone, and found out that she had recently become pregnant, I wouldn't date her unless she were a widow. It means that she either 1) jumped into the sack with someone way too fast, and without protection or 2) just got out of a relationship. Neither of those traits bodes well for a strong foundation between she and I. If she'd just gotten out of a relationship, does the other guy know about the baby? Will he be involved in her life a lot? Will the baby know who the real father is? There are way too many questions that only time could answer. Things would be different if I'd known the woman for a while, and had established a bond, though. At that point, you've got a history with her, and would know where the child came from, and the situation with the father. Most of the tougher questions listed above would have answers which are already known; if you like all the answers, then dating is ok.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

do guys like a lass that can write songs and poetry Posted: 2/8/2007 5:53:48 PM
I can almost say that, if she's written me a poem by the 5th date, it's going to be a long and good romantic relationship.

genuine_me77

Joined: 8/21/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Why won't you let me quit? Posted: 2/6/2007 9:05:14 PM
Congrats on your new-found sobriety! I wish my ex had the courage that you do, and if so, she and I might still be together. There are plenty of men out there who don't drink, at least not as a hobby. You just need to look for them in different places, because you can't meet these guys in a bar. Try a book club, or some volunteer type place...

Show ALL Forums