Is it possible to be middle age and find true love? chat & forums.

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phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 80 (view)

Is it possible to be middle age and find true love? Posted: 9/8/2005 5:45:19 PM
Sure, but be realistic. If you're out of shape, don't take the time and trouble to be attractive to somebody, and your personality is nothing special, your odds are low. At 47, I know women in thier 60s I'd bed in a second. They're in good shape and delightful human beings. If you're not either, I'd start exercising first and brooding later.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 17 (view)

whats worse, being a fat woman, or a fat man Posted: 9/8/2005 5:38:06 PM
As a straight man, most men look just plain ugly to me, so fat or the lack of it doesn't seem to matter much. As for women, I've seen some absolutely beautiful fat women, and some terrifically ugly ones. I think fat is a factor in my aesthetic view of a woman, but it's nowhere near the top of the list. Eyes, hair, smile. All that matters more to me from a pure beauty standpoint. And a good heart covers a great many sins, I've noticed. :)

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 47 (view)

One Night stands or a relationship? Posted: 7/6/2005 5:13:10 PM
...or would you prefer a relationship that ends up having great sex? Is that a serious question? The latter of course. Sex without heart. Blech.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 182 (view)

TOO ALL THE MEN Posted: 7/4/2005 2:21:18 PM
What do I look for... Good hearts, good body, good mind, in more or less that order. The first one is a "must have." After that, common courtesy. It's not in fashion these days, unfortunately. Fat. Depends on how much and how proportioned. If it's proportional, there's muscle underneath to shape it, and not much dimpling, it can be very nice; otherwise not.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 21 (view)

Why Do I See More Caucasian Men Dating Asian Women? Posted: 7/4/2005 2:17:05 PM
I think that most American's see asian features as more "feminine." This works for you if you're a woman and against you if you're a man. I think that some asian women probably find European features more masculine too, but I've never asked. I really don't think there's much more to it than that. Don't seem to be any other significant differences.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 38 (view)

question for the males? Posted: 6/27/2005 4:49:13 PM
Not so much a question of age as attractiveness. I'm 47. There are women in their 60s and 20s that I'd bed without hesitation. I'm not sure I'd be able to sustain a long term relationship with either, however. Where you are in life is a big deal, so the answer has to be, "fairly close to my age (+-10 years), however old I am.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 32 (view)

Do you trust feelings? Posted: 6/26/2005 4:57:59 PM
No. Not usually. And it irritates me when people "go on their gut." Nobody seems to remember all of the times when that failed miserably. I've been with a lof of women who were convinved of their intuition until I showed that it was wrong. Then it would happen again... and again... and again... I gave up. Now I either don't point out the obvious nonsense, or I rub their nose in it so I don't have to deal with it again.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 140 (view)

Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it? Posted: 6/26/2005 4:53:17 PM
I just read my last post and I sounded rather harsh and judgmental, so I apologize for that. In fact, after I read you profile and saw your picture, I knew that if I lived in SD, I'd want to date you and get to know you better regardless of outcome.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 139 (view)

Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it? Posted: 6/26/2005 4:46:38 PM
>I'm a very good listener. Perhaps. The fact is, every woman I've ever met thinks she's a good listener. And you may be. Do you ever slow down enough to let the other person talk? I don't know. I'm just curious. Many women use conversation to distance themselves, rather than gain intimacy. >It's only in the last 100 years that there's been the big thing about relationships having to do with emotions. It was frequently a big thing. It just didn't get much press until populist governments started appearing. >I've met people in marriages like that. I have too and some work very well. >It's been about the emotions. I understand that now. No. I doubt it. It's not a fact you can process. If by age 30, you haven't intuited this, I'm not sure you're able to intuitively feel what emotions others are experiencing at all. I know a woman like this. She can push other people's buttons, metaphorically speaking, and read body language like a book. And that's how she does it. She doesn't experience others whole. She adds the behaviors all up and makes the most probable conclusion. By this time, she's right enough to get by. Sometimes she's absurdly wrong. In addition to this, her insight into her own behavior is um, poor, to put it nicely. You may not be like this at all, but your posts seem to suggest it again and again. Perhaps I'm just viewing it through the lense of my own experiences.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 17 (view)

What happens when your just looking for a bump and grind partner? Posted: 6/25/2005 7:55:18 PM
I think "what's wrong with me?" OK? Insecurity is where most men would go with that, whether they admit it or not. Personally, I don't have much stomach for the impersonal. I need some significant emotion involved or I'm totally uninterested.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 90 (view)

Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it? Posted: 6/25/2005 7:48:21 PM
Because relationships are more about emotions than the mind. Men may like your intelligence, but that's just one fascinating facet. Intelligent conversation may eventually be involved in the relationship, but it's rarely where it starts. Having dated some fairly intelligent women, I can generalize a little bit too. For instance, I know from experience that if you can't speak plainly, simply and from the heart, and all you're concerned with is what's spinning in your head at that particular second, most men (Hell, most everyone) will be bored. Look, I like a nice conversation about the philisophical implications of genetic algorithms, and whether thoughts/memes resemble life enough to merit the label. It takes two to tango, however. You have to be willing to listen to the other person, even when they're spouting nonsense, or when you think "you already know that." You might. I hear people explain obvious things to me ever day, until they take some tangent I never expected, or I realize the obvious point they were making was designed to make me see something I'd been missing. Takes patience for that sort of thing. How's yours?

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 52 (view)

Does Age Really Matter????? Posted: 6/23/2005 5:17:50 PM
This has got to be hooey. Viagra has NO stimulant qualities. It increases levels of nitric oxide in the blood, making it easier to get erections, not horny. REPEAT: It doesn't make you horny! It just makes it easier to get erections!

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 5 (view)

Cheating Posted: 6/23/2005 5:11:14 PM
Leave. ASAP.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 3 (view)

when did it become exclusive for you? Posted: 6/23/2005 5:07:33 PM
It started as a feeling and later I told her. It just came up in conversation. I didn't set out to tell her I was faithful. I already was. I don't know if she thought I would be anything else anyway, however, so maybe I was just telling her something she already knew. At any rate, she seems to be able to laugh it off pretty easily when someone hits on me at a party or social event, so she obviously got it.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 21 (view)

How does one cheat Posted: 6/23/2005 5:04:04 PM
Out of desperation, I expect.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 78 (view)

Does a Doctorate or Masters always marry someone with the same level of education? Posted: 6/23/2005 5:00:26 PM
FYI, I have a serious crush on a women with a masters in quantum physics. I expect I'm not bright enough for her, however. Pity.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 77 (view)

Does a Doctorate or Masters always marry someone with the same level of education? Posted: 6/23/2005 4:56:24 PM
As a matter of fact, I do avoid topics on which I know nothing. What can I add? I work with PhD mathematicians, physicists and geoscientists all day. I'm nothing more than a self-taught programmer. Believe me, I have numerous opportunities to shut up. But I'm not particularly stupid either and don't much see the point of false modesty or pride, for that matter, in admitting it, particularly since your intelligence is only partially under your control. What I got in the brains department was mostly pure luck, nothing more So exactly what was it, bunomatic, that hacked you off about my statement (FYI, "hacked off" is an expression I picked up from one of the world's "top" 100 mathematicians.)?

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 76 (view)

Does a Doctorate or Masters always marry someone with the same level of education? Posted: 6/23/2005 4:48:09 PM
Yes, but it started in high school. I read a lot. Few others did. My vocabulary expanded. Most other's didn't. Other than that, I'm not particularly intelligent. IQ in the 130s or therabouts. I work with people who have multiple PhDs in the sciences and have for the last decade. I know what real intelligence is, and isn't. I'm also aware of the value of comment sense and street smarts.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 333 (view)

Anyone Tried the RUSSIAN thing? Posted: 6/22/2005 6:53:05 PM
No, but I can understand the impulse. I don't have much patience for women who assume they deserve the best in men, money, etc. (but are not the best themselves), play games with men for fun, or simply can't consider you seriously as a person. Unfortunately, this describes most American women I've dated. European women are quite different. Israelis too. Even women from Australia seem to approach things differently. I plan to stick with them if at all possible.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 42 (view)

Does a Doctorate or Masters always marry someone with the same level of education? Posted: 6/22/2005 6:37:24 PM
I only have a B.A. however, I notice that I have no particular difficulty in keeping up with PhDs in technical conversations. I tend to look for women with intelligence. In fact, I find it's lack very difficult to handle in a relationship. I don't like "dumbing down" my conversations.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 86 (view)

Would you marry a bisexual woman/man? Posted: 6/22/2005 6:29:06 PM
I was in a relationship with a bisexual woman for 3 years when I was in college. We never married and I regret that to this day.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 13 (view)

What makes someone ugly? Posted: 6/18/2005 6:54:55 PM
Ugly. Let's see.... A bad heart-that's the worst. Being self centered and/or self absorbed. Too much talk (a distancing technique) The silent treatment (a distancing technique). Not communicating directly (condescending, patronizing) Rudeness and lack of consideration in general. Being out of shape isn't great, but can be overlooked. Too much make-up (yech!)

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 83 (view)

Do men realy think that blonds are more attractive? Posted: 6/12/2005 2:34:29 PM
Blondes. Gahh. Dark loosely curled hair and brown eyes, however can send me into a minor trance.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 12 (view)

meeting someone in 2 hours off the net Posted: 6/12/2005 12:03:04 PM
"Oh please." What a chicken s*t comment. That's my* experience. I'm not claiming men are saints, just less duplicitous, on average. On the other hand, I don't date them and I'm not surprised if it looks different from the other side.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 3 (view)

meeting someone in 2 hours off the net Posted: 6/12/2005 9:23:42 AM
I think you're out of your mind. If she wanted to meet you before now, she would have. I hate to say this because it sounds and feels awful, but when it comes to women, you have to pretty much ignore what they say and heartlessly watch what they do. What they do matters. What they say is pretty much BS. They're so much better at lying than we are, and do it so much more casually.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 60 (view)

Do ladies really like romantic guys Posted: 6/12/2005 9:20:27 AM
I read this from a lot of women's replies, but I don't see it happening much, either to me or guys I know in the same spot.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 59 (view)

Do ladies really like romantic guys Posted: 6/12/2005 9:18:32 AM
I know exactly how you feel man. I'm also a "nice guy." It's not an act. It's just how I'm wired. I'm patient, easy-going, and it takes a lot to make me mad, or even annoyed. I'm also romantic. I've been known to enclose roses in fedex packages along with whatever else I was sending to women I favored. Needless, to say, I've been taken advantage of numerous times. Basically, women see me as a usable resource, their goal being extracting the most while giving the least. I have no idea what to do. I can't be disingenous and still get close enough for a heart connection. That requires that I let down barriers, not put them up. Any ideas?

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 13 (view)

Why do most good looking women always have issues? Posted: 5/27/2005 4:20:22 PM
Most pretty women have a distorted life view. People treat them better than others. Because other people favor them, they get the impression that good things just sort of "come to you" and can't understand why other people are less happy, or wealthy, or otherwise rewarded. They get more social reinforcement and training and so, become better at that than average. They get more from social events and socializing and want to do more of it. Many pretty women seem to think all this happens because of something they did or some effort on their part, instead of "luck of the draw." Many don't ever get that not everyone has these advantages, since this would be tantamount to admitting that they did nothing to deserve their advantages.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 13 (view)

Things men want to hear, but never do Posted: 5/27/2005 4:14:26 PM
Silence, with and expression of someone truly listening to what you have to say, instead of going motormouth herself all the time.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 46 (view)

Porn in a relationship Posted: 5/27/2005 4:07:29 PM
I'm not wild about it, at least not American porn. I'd rather just go to bed with my girlfriend. Just not fantasy oriented, I guess.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 18 (view)

Why do women think they are better than men, when they are single ? Posted: 5/26/2005 7:05:50 PM
They don't think they're better then men. They think they're better than all other women too.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 26 (view)

is a lunch with a coworker cheating? Posted: 5/26/2005 7:04:57 PM
Wait a minute! I forgot to ask... Were you having sex at lunch? Yeah, maybe then.....

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 24 (view)

is a lunch with a coworker cheating? Posted: 5/26/2005 7:03:04 PM
No. No. A thousand times. No. Only a paranoid whack would think of lunch with a co-worker as "cheating".

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 113 (view)

Why so many tall females on the net? Posted: 5/26/2005 7:01:48 PM
Are there lots of tall women? Can't say I care much either way. I'm 5' 11", but am as attracted to women taller than me as I am to those shorter. I notice women seem to have a thing for tall men which I've never been able to understand. I mean, what difference could it make to anything important?

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 110 (view)

why is it so hard to find that special man Posted: 5/24/2005 6:23:16 PM
Boy, you got that one right. There are a lot of women. They walk and talk and dress like they were born from a television that showed only commercials. They shop at Krogers and the Gap. They eat pizza at chain store restaurants They're not rich, or poor. They listen to popular music on the radio and cry at movies. They watch sitcoms and American idol. They have never had an original thought in their lives. And there is nothing interesting about them. Nothing at all. Yet they expect to attract a creative genius who makes a million or two. Because what, they're beautiful? There are millions of beautiful women. No specialness there. Want special? Be special.

phenakerteiben

Joined: 10/21/2004

Msg: 15 (view)

What about men having this I'm not sure about a relationship thing Posted: 5/24/2005 6:08:01 PM
I'm not sure I can explain the uncertainty. I am interested or I'm not, but I know that women do this too. I've experienced it. They won't actually tell you they're not interested in a relationship. It's usually covert. Implied. Communicated as body language, or not answering the phone for a week, or avoiding having you meet their friends. I can take rejection with honesty. Hey, you may just not be interested, but that kind of patronizing, condescending manipulation angers the hell out of me. So after a dozen of those little red hot pokers twisting in your heart, you too might be "unsure about a relationship." I can tell you that I trust a lot less now than I did when I was younger, and there are days when I never want to expose my feelings to any female, ever again, for fear of the standard same old casual cruelty.

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