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flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Love and being in love Posted: 11/19/2009 2:57:18 PM
Falling "in love" is like falling off a log. Loving is something we do every day. Personally I would rather love my man than be "in love" with him. Loving is conscious and is part of the commitment of life with another. "In love" is that heady feeling when you first start to know someone and it is mostly our imagination about our love object. If I loved someone "with all my heart" I would not be still looking on line to find My mister wonderful. I would have found him already.. For me it is one and the same. . If I was told this by the person I cared for I would. be hurt and sad. I would also put it to him- "Either you are in or you are out-make up your mind. If you cannot or do not wish to then I am going to walk away from this relationship because for me it is all or nothing.-" Piss or get foo the pot"

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

Is it Wrong to call a woman handsome? Posted: 11/18/2009 4:26:01 PM
Kate Hepburn would be called handsome. I would consider it a compliment if someone called me handsome. It has to do with their bone structure.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

Oh, its to soon to have sex... yah, blah, blah, blaw Posted: 11/18/2009 1:52:25 PM
" So meet someone,talk a bit, go out a couple of times and then fk them!" Getting fked is easy. Finding a compatible partner is another. Good sex is important I agree. In my books good sex happens in the context of a deeply caring relationship. That does not happen by going out a couple of times and talking. It happens over time with a lot of attention , laughter and the deepening of friendship. But to each his/her own. I hope you find what you are looking for. As for me I will take my time, spend the money and time I need to and get on with life if it does not work out the way I have hoped.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 1424 (view)

Cinquain on the Membrane Posted: 11/15/2009 4:05:04 PM
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flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

What did you dream of being as a child? Posted: 11/13/2009 1:29:45 PM
I wanted to be a nurse. I became a Psychiatric nurse. I hated the shift work so I went back to school and became a psychologist. The hours are much better and since I am in private practice I work only the hours I want and my work is very stimulating.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 102 (view)

What's wrong with looking, thinking, and acting your age? Posted: 11/13/2009 1:12:40 PM
What amuses me is often those men who profess to"look and act younger than their age" often do not post a photo or if they do they definitely do not look younger that their ages. Go figure. Some of them are balding and portly. They have a form of reverse body dismorphia. At my age I want a man with emotional maturity. I could care less if he looks or acts younger. I want a man who is young at heart and at peace with himself .

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Engagement rings for men? Posted: 11/12/2009 12:43:02 PM
Why Not if that is what the couple wants to do. This is 2009. I do not think there is any hard and fast rules regarding rings and such. I would be happy to buy my Mr Wonderful a ring is he so desired. Now If only I could fine him.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 51 (view)

Friend vs. Lover? Posted: 11/6/2009 5:22:00 PM
Do not have sex with them until you care deeply for them. Take several months to get to know them and tell them why you are doing that. If she is on the same page she will appriciate it. If not she will go on her way. I am never interested in sex with a fellow until I care for him deeply. If he walks away because I want emotional closeness( friendship) before sex then it is his los.s

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 34 (view)

Trust and Autonomy in a relationship Posted: 11/6/2009 5:04:32 PM
I trust that if I am in a relationship and my partner treats me with disrespect I will talk to him about it. I trust I will keep my agreements with him or renegotiate those agreements if I need to. I trust I will ask him to see a couples therapist if there are unresolvable issues between us. I will trust my partner unless/until there is a reason not to trust him. I trust I will remove myself from the relationship if he hits me, cheats on me, or the relationship is unhealthy for me. I trust myself to look after myself and take responsibility for my life and I trust he will do the same. I hope he will have my back ( support me emotionally), be a good communicator, have self awareness, and attend counselling if we need it.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop Posted: 11/5/2009 2:55:53 PM
Feet do your work. he is not a good bet for a long term relationship and yer you are being co-dependent.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Is it possible to die from loneliness? Or from a broken heart? Posted: 11/5/2009 1:30:35 PM
Also I agree with the other poster. Go get some counselling I know that helps.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Is it possible to die from loneliness? Or from a broken heart? Posted: 11/5/2009 1:26:38 PM
I do not think is is possible to die from loneliness or a broken heart. But when I was about your age I felt the same despair. I am now nearly 62 and yes I am still lonely but not despairing. I am sometimes sad that I have not found a special man to be with. But perhaps if I had I would not have had the wonderful adventures that I have had in my life. You are so beautiful and well educated. I do not think it will be long until some great fellow comes along and wants to be with you. In the mean time go out and have some great adventures. Follow whatever passion you have, learn lots of things and have a great life. You never know you may meet your Mr. wonderful as you are doing that. Good luck.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 41 (view)

So.... remind me... What's the downside of 50 and single...??? Posted: 11/5/2009 1:09:21 PM
There are no up sides or down sides of being single over 50. All of it is good with some not so good. I love quiet Sunday mornings. Reading peacefully. It would also be great to share my quite Sunday morning with someone. Coming home in the evening-having a glass of wine and preparing dinner can be great alone or with someone. I think it has to do with attitude and gratitude. I am grateful I have a lovely home to come home to and a great job that pays the bills. I would love to have someone to share my live with but that does not stop me from loving what I have.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

is it wrong to want revenge?? Posted: 11/4/2009 1:54:16 PM
The desire for revenge is universal. Seeking it is lacking in emotional maturity and is a victim stance. The best revenge is to have a good life without him. Why waste energy on someone who does not care about you and has been unfaithful to? Find a man who is kind and faithful and have a good life with him.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

The M Word - Marriage Posted: 11/4/2009 11:57:59 AM
What city do you live in? I looked and there was not one man listed.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 59 (view)

Is marriage necessary for a healthy LTR? Posted: 11/4/2009 11:40:35 AM
Division77 Msg #43 Statistics show that women are more likely to leave a relationship when the couple are living together over the long term rather than married. I do not think it has to do with seeing a SO on the toilet etc. Healthy relationships have little to do with being married or living together. It has to do with how much energy each partner is willing to put into a relationship over the long term. I imagine that todays women just do not stick around if the fellow is not a participant in building and creating a good relationship. It is likely easier for her to walk away if she is not married to the fellow and is dissatisfied with how he is in relationship with her. Relationships do not end if your partner is happy being with you. What is necessary for a healthy relationship is the willingness to do the work and compromises as well as the commitment.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 115 (view)

What kind of guy do you want to marry? Posted: 11/4/2009 10:58:59 AM
Not necessarily in this order. 1.Kind 2. Fun to be with 3. Having done enough personal growth to know himself and what he wants out of life and a relationship 4. Can look afterhimself financially 5. Is happy with himself and the world around him 6. Is willing to work at being in a relationship. 7. Sees lovemaking as a celebration of the love between two people - not his right because he wants it. 8.Gentle 9. Likes women 10. Likes to cook and is tidy 11. Has similar values to mine 12. Is well educated

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

Is marriage necessary for a healthy LTR? Posted: 11/4/2009 10:39:12 AM
Personally I am not obsessed regarding marriage. Having said this I would not live with someone unless he was willing to become engaged and have a wedding date set. I also would have a pre-nup in place for the protection of both parties. I value who I am and what I bring to a relationship and I want a man who values me enough to marry me. However all of this is up for and can be negotiated. As to your question. I do not think marriage is necessary for a long term relationship. I know lots of people who live together happily without marriage. I am not one of them. Who are you to judge anyone's priorities just because they do not match yours?

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 89 (view)

The new Marriage search/page Posted: 11/3/2009 3:55:47 PM
For me long term means marriage. I think it would be great to know I am meeting men who are the same page as I am. Flowerforce

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

Best friend was hitting on your spouse. What would you do? Posted: 10/28/2009 5:28:39 PM
If my mans friend was hitting on me I would tell him ( the friend) to hit the road. I would not tell my man unless the fellow would not stop. If a friend of mine was hitting on my man I would tell her he was my man and to get her hands off or hit the road Ie. back off and get your own man

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 51 (view)

No orgasm: dealbreaker? Posted: 10/26/2009 9:46:10 AM
It is not up to the fellow to "give you an orgasm." Women are responsible for their own orgasms. She must first educate herself about her own body and what excites her- Eg. vaginal peniteration- oral sex- a combination of both as well as what kinds of stimulation turns her on. Eg. touching of breasts-kissing-stroaking etc. Then she needs to teach her partner. However if the sex partner does not listen or is not interested in learning what she likes she should dump his sorry but. If there are problems in a relationship I would suggest a relationship counsellor. Often a woman's lack of sexual desire and/or lack of sexual response are symptoms of relationship difficulties.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 200 (view)

A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ? Posted: 10/23/2009 5:58:47 PM
Verity one I never said any one was telling me how to live my life . I said no one can. That is not a victim statement, just a statement of my experience. I do not disagree that sex is part of a good relationship. I am just not up for a sexual relationship - casual sex-sex for sport -or friends with benefits. If other people are then that is their business. It is not for me to judge. My choice is to become sexual Ie. have carnal knowledge of a men when I am connected to him emotionally and ready to do so. That may take weeks or months. I am happy to take responsibility for that choice. I am also happy when a fellow walks away if he thinks I should be "giving it up" because he paid for dinner or we have seen each other three times. My body and my sexuality are mine and I share that very deep and special part of myself when I wish to not because someone expects or wants me to. So if the fellow walks away I am glad because I know he is not my Mr. wonderful. When anyone is expected to "put out" as some of the posters have stated then sex becomes something to trade for security, favors, money, dinners, you name it Ie. a commodity. Not a celebration of a deep emotional connection. Those people who want to have sex on a first or second date is their choice. You also missed my point. Each person chooses how they do their sexuality and is responsible for their behaviors and the consequences of said behaviors. People can expect whatever they want that still does not give them the right to expect or get it.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 193 (view)

A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ? Posted: 10/23/2009 2:53:28 PM
I keep wondering how sex has become a commodity rather than a celebration of caring and love? No one man or woman should have to "put out." No one has the right to expect sex at any time from anyone. If two consenting adults wish to hop into bed on a first or second date what is the harm if both parties take responsibility for their actions (and possibly the resulting SDT.) Nor are they sluts if they do. If I am expected to have sex and I am not feeling sexy for whatever the reason no matter how long I have been seeing someone or even if I am married to them it is my right to say no if I am not into it. I choose not to be sexual with a man unless I am in a place of caring/love and we have discussed a relationship not just a sexual relationship. Others make other choices. Fair enough. This is not about men and women it is about ones values and personal choices. No one can tell me how to live my life and only I am responsible for how I choose to behave. I choose to become sexual when I feel connected emotionally that may take several weeks or even months. If a fellow I am seeing has an issue with this it is not my issue it is his. And he can go on his merry way because he will not be the man for me..

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 102 (view)

Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy Posted: 10/22/2009 3:28:00 PM
Imulysses, The desire yes but I am a responsible adult and know that I do not "have" to act on them. I do not know how other people feel if a relationship fizzles out after a few times in bed. Not my call. depending on the man I may feel hurt, disappointed, sad, relieved. What I know for myself is I am not getting naked with someone unless I have an emotional connection. For me that takes time and a lot of talking. There are many different kinds of relationship. I want to be on the same page ( that is have the same relationship goals ) as the person I am seeking. For me that is long term-cohabitation and Yes marriage. Exploring a relationship with those goals in mind does not necessarily mean it will happen it just means we are exploring relationship with that in mind.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy Posted: 10/21/2009 2:53:34 PM
I have no trouble with a cuddle and kissing. I am not interested in "going further" unless the object of my affection are on the same page regarding a relationship. In short I do not do friends with benefits, casual sex or sex for sport. I like to be clear from the start that I am not sexual with someone unless and until I care for him deeply and we are looking at a relationship. This takes time a lot of attention, talking and a lot of fun. I like kissing and cuddling but will limit any sexual activity unless there is an agreement about where sexual activity is taking us. Ie. a relationship.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

Are all men potential rapists? Posted: 10/21/2009 2:13:03 PM
Not having read either article I can only state my opinion. I believe it is possible for all men to be rapists given the right set of circumstances. However to view men as some kind of potential threat to women all the time is instilling fear when it is not needed. Rape is about power abuse. It is more likely to happen if a man knows that he can get away with it- war- cultural perspectives or values - date rape- pedophilia- regressed sex offenders. Or if the man has some serious psychopathology. Most men would not behave that way and would find the behavior repugnant. I believe women need to be conscious of the possibility of rape happening but we also need to trust most fellows have no need to assert their power in such a pathological fashion. I think it does men a great disservice when we look at them through this filter. They are just as humanly vulnerable as women are. We all have our bumps and warts. I like what journalist Ethan Baron had to say as stated in the above box. "We men are not all potential rapists. But we owe it to women to give them the value that is their due, equals to men in every way-except perhaps when it comes to arm-wrestling and peeing in the snow." But then I am also an advocate that men sit down to pee as well.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 40 (view)

Intimacy Issues Posted: 10/21/2009 11:52:08 AM
vannob, Look at the programs at the Haven Institute on Gabriola Island B.C. Canada. ( the haven institute.com) or find a good gestalt therapist. Cognitive behavioural therapy can only take you so far and it is not known for their depth psychotherapeutic work. You are not broken and do not need to be fixed.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

Intimacy Issues Posted: 10/21/2009 11:43:21 AM
This is about issues around affection and sexuality. Not intimacy. Intimacy is about being self revealing and known to another human being. personally I am not interested in sex with someone I do not know and care fro deeply. I have no issue with affection but being sexual without being emotionally connected is not on. Clearly you are afraid of something. I wonder why your therapist has not addressed those fears? Further abuse can take a lot of forms not just sexual or physical. Also do look at the kind of person you are seeing. Feeling pushed into any kind of intimacy (physical , sexual or emotional) before you are ready can often set up a negative reaction. If you are not still in therapy then start going again.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 247 (view)

That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal Posted: 10/17/2009 9:37:56 AM
Beach, A lot of women on this post are stating what they want sexually. They just happen to have a differing point of view from Margo's .I have no interest in being critical about anyone's (men's or women's) choice in terms of their sexual behavior. To each his/her own. But what I do not get is other women are sating they want to have an emotional connection with a fellow before they are sexual with him. That is also saying what she wants sexually and being willing to act on it. We all have choices and need to take responsibility for those choices. If a fellow wants and or demands sex because he has wined and dined a woman and she says no because she needs/wants to take her time and he does not then they are not a good match. End of story. Neither person is wrong, bad or awful. They have differing viwepoints and values. However no one ( man or woman ) has the right to expect sex from another no matter what the cost of dinner is You can substitute other activities in there as well. I do not live by society's values. I live by the values I have chosen for myself mostly from my life experience and years of self examination. All choices have consequences. At my time of life I choose not to be pushed-guilted or coursed into sex by someone I do not have a deeply caring relationship with. Because of this choice there have been men who have walked away. No loss in my book but no harn done either. Others choose differently. All choices are valid.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ? Posted: 10/16/2009 1:18:31 PM
A person I have seen only twice is not a potential partner. He is a fellow I am getting to know. If he said have sex with me or I am out of here I would reply "there is the door, don't let it hit you on the way out" My sexuality belongs to me if is not a bargaining chip. I am sexual when I am ready and want to be not on demand by someone. Not even a SO. No one is entitled to sex with another person. I think it takes a long time and a lot of conversation to determine if a person I am dating will be a potential partner. At the end of a second date I will have decided if I want a third date. I may feel very attracted to the man but I also want to know: 1. If he wants to be in a long term committed ( married ) relationship. 2. What his values are 3. Is he present emotionally. 4. Is he fun to be with. 5. Are his interests similar to mine. 6. Are we compatible in interests and values. 7. Do we have the same beliefs about relationship. and much more. I have no problem with sex for sport per say. But I have been there done that and though it can be great fun I am done with that. At this stage in my life I am happy to be alone and celibate rather than with an incompatible partner. I have no interest in having sex unless and until I am in a deeply caring relationship with the potential for a committed relationship. If a fellow does not like this he can go on his merry way with no harm and no foul.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 70 (view)

a man lies for sex Posted: 10/15/2009 3:27:36 PM
Good Heavens- You are 57 years old dating a fellow 20 years younger and going to bed with him after twenty minutes! I say you got what you deserved.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 91 (view)

Men's thinking about sex, money and relationships??? Posted: 10/14/2009 1:52:18 PM
Msg #19 Well said. I am very capable of being nurturing ,compassionate, soft, feminine and offer friendship and emotional, intimacy to a man I adore. I also want good healthy lovemaking. What I know about myself is I am a slow cooker. I want to know the man I am interested in and I want to stay interested in him by knowing his personality and eventually his body. For me these things take time , attention and curiosity and emotional intimacy before sexual intimacy. And I agree to each his/her own.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 46 (view)

That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal Posted: 10/14/2009 1:28:05 PM
The operative word being eventually. For me it takes somewhat longer than three seconds. Perhaps masters and Johnson were using younger subjects? In any case there has to be a lot more going for me in relation to a man before I will want to have sex with him no matter how much sex appeal he has. I have no objection being some fellows sex object. In fact I am flattered if and when that happens. I also like to dress for an occasion and sometimes that involves a display of breasts, slit skirts, fishnet stockings and come f**K me pumps. ( I dance Argentine Tango and dressing is part of that.) I hope he enjoys it. However unless I specifically invite him into my bed which will not happen until after I have known him for a while all he is going to get is a nice visual. If that is self deception then so be it.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal Posted: 10/14/2009 12:12:32 PM
I have no problem with a fellow anticipating sex . However I am not sexual with a man I do not care for deeply. Further I would be anticipating having a relationship with him before having sex with him. If that is not what he wants then no matter how much he wines and dines me he is going home alone when the evening ends. I agree sex is a healthy part of a relationship but there needs to be a relationship if lovemaking is going to happen. Building a relationship takes a lot of time attention and conversation. Not to mention having some fun and some great kissing. I also think the" Hi lets F**K "is very seventies not to mention politically incorrect in today's social climate. I can be very sexually attracted to a man but I am not interested in casual sex or rushing to have sex with him. Also I will not " give him sex "just because he wants or expects it. I will make love to him because I want to. I have no obligation to " give a man sex" just because he has wined and dined me. What he will get from me if he wines and dines me is a "thank you that was lovely" and if I like him I will invite him to my house for a home cooked dinner within the week.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Dating websites Posted: 10/8/2009 4:21:25 PM
All the dating sites etc. are the same. I have been on E harmony, Match .com ,Lavalife and Yahoo. Not to mention local introduction (dating) services and a dining club called Four plus Four. E harmony has a poor reputation , is expensive and certainly I have had no luck there-Not even one meet and greet. All the other dating sites have the same faces that Pof has. In my experience many of the men ( I have only met men on this system) do not seem sincere about wanting a long term relationship. (At least not with me.) I have also met some great men and some not so great men. Some are flaky and some are not. To make a long story short. An average mix of human's being trying to get whatever it is they want in life. In my opinion POF is as good as any of the paying sites. I hope this helps. Good luck in your search.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 111 (view)

SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH? Posted: 10/7/2009 12:14:56 PM
Truth is relative. My truth will likely be different from your truth. Because we experience things differently. It is often not what you sat but how it is said that matters. I can handle someones truth if it is: 1 Owned as that person's experience 2. Said in a respectful way 3. The person speaking their truth is willing to hear my experience truth) Having said this I think honesty is important but like all other relationship issues the depth and level of honesty goes to how deep the emotional intimacy is between the people involved. I am not going to tell a person I have just met things about myself that are deeply personal and open me to more vulnerability than I am willing to show because I do not know and trust that person. Also I may not be willing to risk saying my truth to a person I have only just met because I do not know how s/he will handle it.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 61 (view)

What to do when someone keeps canceling plans ? Posted: 10/7/2009 11:48:17 AM
Ask him what it is about. Given he is harvesting he may be very busy. Does he call in the mean time? A guy who is" into you" will make time for a ten minute call just to check in. Also canceling at the last minute is just plain rude. Even a very busy person can call sooner than later if he knows he has to cancel a meeting.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

To pay or not to pay?? Or to have sex on first meeting?? Posted: 10/7/2009 11:14:40 AM
Meet and greets can be difficult. I will offer to pay for my beverage but I will likely not see the fellow again. In my world It is a measure of the fellows generosity and behavior as a gentleman when he pays. If I am interested I will ask him out to have dinner at my home as a thank you. As to the sex . I explain that am only interested in sex with a man that is interested in being in relationship with me. I also state that deciding to be in relationship takes a lot of time and attention by each person involved IE. courtship. Usually if the man is only interested in sex I never hear from him again. And that is no loss.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

fitness Posted: 10/3/2009 2:22:25 PM
I speed walk four days a week and lift weights once a week. I would love to do more but do not have the time.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

how to be happy by yourself Posted: 10/2/2009 6:17:16 AM
Taffarrie, We are never by ourselves. There are people all around us to love and care for. I am very happy without a signifcant other . I have never beileved I am by myself because I do not have anyone living with me. So I disagree. I am alone not loanly. I have lots of people to share my life with I just do not have a SO.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

how to be happy by yourself Posted: 10/1/2009 2:07:59 PM
I have lived alone for many years. I have learned that I am captain of my soul and master of my fate and that my happiness is up to me. I have created a life with a few great friends and have a good relationship with my brothers. I do things that I enjoy, interior design, dancing, gardening and reading. I love what I do for a living. I seek stimulation when I want it and solitude when I need it. Most importantly I have developed an attitude of gratitude for what I have which is a lot. I would love to be in a warm loving relationship . That would be the icing on the cake. I believe that life is good only if I build my own cake. That it is my job to be an authentic human being and responsible for my feelings and my life. Another person Ie. a significant other is the icing on the cake. It makes my life a little sweeter but not necessary for me to have a happy life.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 203 (view)

How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him? Posted: 10/1/2009 1:29:13 PM
Well said 13karat! personally I do not care if men think that way or not. I have no wish or intention of looking after a man financially. been there done that and will not do that again. If I were married to a man and he lost his job then that would be a different story. If a fellow exits stage left because I want to be in a relationship with some balance then he does not love me for" WHO I am" so be it there are plenty of fish in the sea.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 114 (view)

I'm on the couch ! Posted: 9/30/2009 12:48:20 PM
There are a lot of reasons for lack of sexual desire. Your children are aged 2 & 3? I imagine she is still tired from giving birth two times in rapid succession. Also is it possible she has post partum depression? Another reason for lack of sexual desire is a partner that is not there for her emotionally. Very young children are a big drain on the primary care givers energy and emotions. Are you meeting her emotional needs? Women feel sexual when their emotional needs are met. Further your sexual needs are not nearly as important at the moment as your kid's emotional and physical needs are. I agree with a lot of the posters . Place some of her needs before your own and see a good relationship counseller. PS if you are married what are you doing on POF?

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 196 (view)

How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him? Posted: 9/29/2009 1:42:30 PM
He needs to make as much as I do and have similar assets. Believe me that is not a lot.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Looking for perfection? Posted: 9/29/2009 1:38:35 PM
I am not looking for perfection. I am looking for a compatable mate. I am also fussy so my Mr.Wonderful is a little difficult to find. I am not perfect-not even close- but like other people I know who I am looking for and am not interested in setteling just to be in a realtionship. I would rather live alone for the rest of my life than be with someone who does not share my values and lifestyle just for the sake of being with someone.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Is it a good idea for a couple to tell each other how much money they make? Posted: 9/27/2009 10:48:08 AM
At some point if the couple are planing to live together personal incomes need to be disclosed because both partners should share living expences. I also think ther shouls be an agreement about the percentage of income each person should contribute. If one pwerso earns a lot more than anothers s/he should more. I further believe there needs to be a number of agreements made about living together proir to moving in together. Eg. cooking, household chores, communication and conflict resolution, family and so forth.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

I'm tall and I'm holding out for a tall woman... Posted: 9/24/2009 1:06:58 PM
I am 5'1" tall and a lot older than you. I barely reach 5'3.5 " in my dancing shoes. Yes you are being picky. So what? I am picky too. Not about height but about other things like education, assets and a reasonably fit body. I think you should hold out for a tall woman if that is what you want. It may mean that it will take longer to find the woman you are looking for but worth the wait.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

New Social Trend Posted: 9/24/2009 12:47:43 PM
You appear to think High powered career highly educated energetic and active outspoken socially adept and connected and warm sweet and kind are mutually exclusive

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 105 (view)

Positive influences Posted: 9/24/2009 12:14:30 PM
I have the Buddha's little instruction book. I read one page every day. I also have a daily prayer "thank you God for this day and all the gifts and adventures it will bring." If I am feeling sorry for myself I repeat the mantra" I have an attitude of gratitude" until my self pity vanishes.

flowerforce

Joined: 9/6/2006

Msg: 63 (view)

certainty that he/she is 'the one' Posted: 9/24/2009 11:50:31 AM
There is no "the one" there are lots of ones. Fireworks only last a short period of time and they are mostly generated by our imaginations and the first phase of a relationship which is romance. Sooner or later each person is going to wake up roll over and find a toad beside them in the bed. After that there will be a power struggle which goes " do not be a toad be my prince or princess." If a couple can work through this and not go to resignation or divorce they will move on to the stage of intimacy. (In-to- me- you-see.) A deep knowing and acceptance of their partner (warts and all. ) Following that phase there is co-creativity where the couple either learns to work together or brings their excitement about what they are doing in their lives into the relationship. There is never any certainty. Only compatibility and relationship tools to back it up. The belief that there is a "the one" is a myth in my opinion.

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