Anyone help? (More of a female help) chat & forums.

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TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Anyone help? (More of a female help) Posted: 11/5/2009 6:53:51 PM
I've had many UTI. Get her to drink as much red cranberry juice as she can muster. I personally LOATHE the crap but muscle it back when I get one. Preventative measures. Wiping front to back and not holding in her pee. The last one is very important. When she's gotta go, she's gotta go. Holding in urine is a leading cause of UTI's

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 214 (view)

does anyone still write love letters? Posted: 9/21/2009 9:46:59 AM
I do all sorts of that kind of stuff I mail cards (cause everybody likes getting stuff in the mail that isn't bills and junk mail) I tape notes to the front door so he finds them on his way to work My most common thing to do though is a more modern thing...the text I send random texts... Usually saying "Totally random "I love you" text" I've even brought flowers for guys. Either bought or picked on the way home if I passed enough wild flowers So the answer is yes...all that stuff is still in play

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Your Friends Don't Like Him Posted: 6/7/2009 11:16:57 AM
Has anyone ever experienced something like this or had a boy/girlfriend that everyone disliked? It really has effected the way I deal with new people, believe it or not. Yes I have. My last LT bf...I had one friend...ONE that liked him, liked him with me, liked 'us'. And he didn't really see us together very often The rest of him HATED him... Begged me at one point or another to leave him. Little ways, big ways...they all wanted me out...anywhere from the day I started really seeing him to about 3 mos in when they started to really get to know him...they all hated him I was once told....if your friends all hate the person you're with, run...don't walk, RUN away... They can see something you can't cause you're too close to the situation . This of course was told to me years before and in a different situation so I didn't really think on it till it was too late

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

Noise during sex? Posted: 6/3/2009 5:19:59 AM
Total turn on If the fella is too quiet I'm left wondering if I'm not doing my part right I mean...I get that not everybody is as vocal as I am (hells...few ppl are as vocal as I am)...but a bit of noise...just to let me know I'm doing right...is appreciated and a total turn on

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

Body Issues? Posted: 12/19/2008 5:26:48 AM
There are absolutely men out there who would not only accept this but see it as well earned "battle wounds" Being a single mother of twins can't be an easy task and it takes someone very strong to do as such I understand where you are coming from. I'm tiny...but because of my two c-sections there is a section of my stomach that will NEVER be flat and is (in my opinion) actually quite jiggly because of muscle severing. I hate this part of me. I don't feel very comfortable running about naked unless I know the person really well or I'm sucking in till I can't breathe This does often leave me feeling down and unattractive but then I look at my babies and know that it was all worth it Cliche? Yes...but to hell with it...

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

To Bring a Gift... Posted: 12/19/2008 4:19:03 AM
A first date gift is a little sticky It really depends on how long you and she have been talking Best I could suggest is if it's been a while and there's an in joke, something to represent that...for a giggle I'm a HUGE Sens fan...so if I've been talking to someone for a while and they like another team I'd either wear my Sens jersey or bring them a little Sens token, for giggles sake

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

How to help a morbidly obese ex? Posted: 12/19/2008 4:14:05 AM
OP, As admirable as your concern is there isn't much you can do about it. If your children are adults you can talk to them, surly they see their mothers state and declining health...and if you approach them mostly the same way you brought it up here they should be receptive of it. Also...if they do in fact see the issue then as adults I'm sure they're aware of the consequences and her shortened life span. At the risk of sounding cruel (I have a very pragmatic view on death) everybody dies...everybody! It's sad and tragic when it's sooner than necessary and even worse if it was preventable...but her weight is making it painfully obvious that her passing will likely be both of those. Talk to your children. Let them know that you are concerned for her but also for them. It can't be easy to watch a parent knowingly destroy themselves like that.

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

dating a younger or older guy - whats ok whats creepy? Posted: 12/17/2008 6:44:26 AM
I will NOT date younger than myself...I just can't do the maturity difference. I've lived one hell of a life already and still been sheltered in other areas I've dated 18 years older than myself and he understood me better than anyone else Deciding factors are life experiences, understanding, maturity

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Clinical Depression and having a relationship Posted: 12/17/2008 4:20:34 AM
Alrighty...I've done all of these things...and I still have depression I eat healthy and get lots of sleep... I have a low grade version of both anorexia and a strange version bulimia so when I do eat it's not much but I make sure it's healthy so that what I will take in is quality I don't exercise much because as a single mother of two I don't get much time to myself that isn't housework...and what I do I'm generally tired I don't whine to get attention...in fact I only talk to two people about this and only one of them knows just how bad it is right now... So to assume that people who are depressed are just whiny emo kids who have nothing actually wrong in their lives is narrow minded at best

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Clinical Depression and having a relationship Posted: 12/17/2008 4:13:33 AM
1) Your depression is not under control 2) You NEED to tell your boyfriend whats going on I was so lucky that I told my ex how I get when I go into a low....cause it's not pretty and can become overwhelming for a partner. Even though we're broken up now (for other reasons) he's still there for me when I'm getting bad and need to talk Thats the most important thing...you need to talk about this. I hope it goes well and you feel better soon

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Are Women Turned On More When A Guy Degrades and Humiliates Them During Sex Posted: 12/9/2008 4:50:52 AM
Obviously this guy doesn't know the difference between dominant sex and being an a$$hole Women generally don't (always) want candles, bubble bath, long massages followed by slow passionate love making with lots of soft kissing and eye conact only to end with spooning to sleep. Yes it's nice...SOMETIMES... But more often than not we (I) want to be fu*ked!!! I'm talking a hot, sweaty, acrobatic pounding complete with hair pulling and grunting There's a big difference between a good lay and a humiliating experience...he should probably learn it

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

not Will you marry me? Posted: 12/8/2008 8:24:25 AM
Most proposals have a speech attached to it which ends with "Will you marry me" But here's what I don't get about this "equal" BS... It's possessive for him to say "Will you marry me" but you still want the giant rock-bling to flash to all of your friends which will tell the whole world you're engaged? Isn't that more or less like a dog wearing a collar...it lets you know it's not a stray... Now don't get me wrong...I'm not saying the ring is wrong. I wanted to marry my ex. I wanted to be his wife. I wanted his last name and I wanted to stay home taking care of the hearth fires...it's not the feminist mumbo-jumbo that's got me frothy right now. It's the picking and choosing of equality women do these days. "The question is offensive...but I still wanna sport 2 mos salary on my finger." Also...I've been married...I asked him and I bought him a ring. So

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 47 (view)

Where is your spot? Posted: 12/8/2008 5:29:59 AM
My navel and the 'great divide'...the valley between my breasts

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 86 (view)

Use of condoms Posted: 12/8/2008 5:29:03 AM
Oh my god!!! I enjoy casual sex as well but if there isn't a rubber on him then he isn't getting it in me The only time I go skin to skin is when I'm in a committed relationship and we've both been tested

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Recall sex situation Posted: 12/8/2008 5:14:21 AM
Mine isn't even really sex...just a kiss We were out with a bunch of ppl...our first "date" and we were sharing a hotel room. Down the hall was another hotel room with all our mutual friends. We had kissed once already at the club We got back to the room....he pushed me up against the wall and kissed me till my knees went wobbly. Then he pulled back and said "We should probably socialize" and walked down the hall to the group room leaving me to regain my composure and pick up that jaw I dropped on the floor

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

What type of new bed should I purchase for men's bedroom? Posted: 12/5/2008 6:55:48 PM
Dark wood, strong lines, dark bed linens...a few sets. Good pillows and a good pillow top mattress. Also...matching dresser & bed side tables would be a good thought. Plus a well matched hamper & waste bin

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

first date sex Posted: 12/5/2008 6:01:47 PM
http://www.cottagesincanada.com/list_rent.asp?province=6®ion=7&lang=e Thats why I generally sleep till noon after a good one-off lay And what you said is pure horse s**t! I lost my virginity to casual sex...we still chat occasionally. I'm still friends or friendly with a good number of my one night stands. My last two long term relationships started as what I thought was going to be a one night stand... Since becoming sexually active I've never gone on a date with someone I haven't already slept with first. I like to get that out of the way before wasting an evening with someone only to discover they suck in bed. So by that theory I tend to have sex on the first date...but thats cause we've already done the deed. I've only had one one-off be even remotely disrespectful to me afterwards...and even though it was only in jest I set him straight right quick What kills it for most women is their insane need for emotional connection post-coitus. Isn't it good enough that you got laid? If you can remain friends then GREAT...but if not...W/E...you probably didn't know much more than his first name so you could moan it anyway.

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

first date sex Posted: 12/5/2008 8:57:21 AM
It's called a one night stand...take it for what it was, there's nothing wrong with it Don't go getting all weird and wanting a relationship just cause he stuck ya

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

Previous Abuse and Its Effect on Intimacy Posted: 12/4/2008 8:19:56 AM
If that 2/3 figure were true, wouldn't they be safer by cutting all contact with men? So...live their lives controlled by the damage done by others? Allow those jerks to take a huge part of adult life from them? I for one have survived two rape attempts (two different guys) and while it did control me for a while I took control back by dipping my toes into the submissive side of bdsm...and frankly...I liked it Yes I'm being restrained, pushed, pulled, smacked...but I choose who, when and even if it happens...ultimate control To cut contact with men all together because I've been abused...eff that noise The a$$holes who did that to me aren't worth giving up my enjoyment for

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Previous Abuse and Its Effect on Intimacy Posted: 12/3/2008 9:16:34 AM
no_1_bby You said "Fake it 'til you make it."...oh god...that was the mantra of my childhood, drilled into me by my mother...lol If things were really bad at home I was still expected to smile and act like we had the perfect family...I'm surprised we didn't have a white picket fence just to put a cherry on top... I think the ones with a life time of history are the ones most likely to keep it all under the surface. The ones most capable of keeping it hidden longest...the ones most in need of compassion and TLC

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Previous Abuse and Its Effect on Intimacy Posted: 12/3/2008 6:19:14 AM
So you mean to tell me that you can't see poor self-esteem or lack of confidence Are you new? Lots of people cover it up with excessive outward confidence...and if they've done so long enough they're damned good at it. To see me...I strut my skinny a$$ around in tight jeans or short skirts, form fitting tops, high heels...I'm hot sh*t and I know it. I get up and sing...nay...belt...in front of crowds without blinking an eye. I'm funny and know it I've been told I'm the most confidant person people have ever met and they wish they could carry themselves like me In reality I will stare in a mirror and hate myself...I will deliberately pick apart the stuff I don't like and run myself down for it. I will practice the songs ad nausium and heaven forbid I make a mistake...at home or in public because I will then practice till I can't talk just to get that one note right next time and not sing it publicly till I can...I go over it obsessively. I run my jokes and stories through my head till they're perfect...right down to facial expressions Everything about how I present myself is a mask...it's all part of that 25%...yes it's true-ish. And even my friends buy it... So what are you buying from your friends?

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

Previous Abuse and Its Effect on Intimacy Posted: 12/3/2008 6:11:03 AM
Not all people who have been abused show obvious signs of it on the outside Thank you! To most I'm a fun, flirty, intelligent, helpful single mom who doesn't give a damn what other people think...and does the running man to the beat of her own drummer If you get close enough though you start to see things... And everything tends to have a flimsy explanation...but I'll stick to that like a mob alibi So unless you know what you're looking for (and a few have) I just seem.......quirky... Lord help the one who stays with me long enough to see my crazy though...when it hits it's a sh*t storm!

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Previous Abuse and Its Effect on Intimacy Posted: 12/3/2008 6:03:58 AM
As one of the 2/3 all I can say is take her cue and be patient. I have big walls and problems letting people in. I'm sneaky about it though...I let just enough shine through that they think they're in. They think they're special...meanwhile I'm only showing 25% of myself and still feeling very much protected. I don't commit easily, when I say I do it's only in a physical sense...I don't actually give emotionally till I know it's completely safe and even then it comes slowly. There will be times when things will scare her. I went through a 6 month period with my ex-husband where I would have a panic attack every time we had sex...complete with physical reaction, curling up, sobbing hysterically...the works Let her make mistakes but don't let her walk all over you. Understand that she may not understand. A great deal of my issues started in childhood and things just got worse with the 'awesome' relationships I found myself in. I just recently came to a great epiphany that I make bad/desperate decisions when I feel emotionally alone in my relationship. If I get to feeling like I can't talk to my S/O for what ever reason (I'm embarrassed, constant fighting, emotional berating on his end, etc) I tend to go to a very dark place and my reactions can be anything from turning it inward and hurting myself...or reaching out to people I shouldn't in ways I shouldn't. It took two huge mistakes to realize this and now I'm working on making sure I can talk to my S/O at all times...even when my gut reaction is to keep it hidden and bottled up. Give outward thanks when she does something that is even small improvement. If she reacts in anger and one day you can see her physically try and stop said reaction...thank her for such. In my case...if I reach out to my S/O and say "I'm lonely" or...well...share any kind of deeper emotion...I really like it when he acknowledges that what I just did was very difficult and that he appreciates it. Lastly...know when there's nothing else you can do. My S/O is kinda screwed when it comes to getting angry at me. Anytime a male gets angry at me, raises their voice or expresses great disappointment I either shut down and just tell them to leave (my house, my life...what ever) OR I start to panic...twitch, cry, scream...he can't get close enough to calm me cause I'll get scared and start lashing out. I don't deal well with male anger. I never will. If you're with a lady who is beyond your capacity of dealing with, helping...if you're draining yourself emotionally to be with her...you have to take care of you first. Even if you did stay...you can't help her if you're drained. I hope my insight helped TG

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Worst thing you/someone else said after sex?? Posted: 12/2/2008 12:41:19 PM
Him: So.......what number am I? Me: Are you serious? (it was a one night stand) Him: Yah...I'm curious Me: 5...you're number five Him: You're lying! Me: Nope. You're the fifth Him: Wow...you f**k like the number is WAY higher (again...I think this one was supposed to be a compliment)

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

Worst thing you/someone else said after sex?? Posted: 12/2/2008 7:41:58 AM
Just before sex...like we were already half naked Him: I'm about to blow this Me: Hun...I'm a sure thing Him: Um.....what's my name Me: giggling Mark Him: CRAP! Um...whats your name? I laughed so hard! Gave him my name...and then still had sex with him After sex "Wow...you're quite the little c*ck sucker aren't you" (again...I giggled cause I knew it was meant as a compliment) "So...would you like to go out sometime?"

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Ever dated a person with psychic abilities? Posted: 12/2/2008 6:47:29 AM
I dated an empath...it was kinda nice cause he knew stuff was up and I'm viciously bad for hiding my emotions. I don't let anybody in...and he didn't need for me to let the walls down...he just naturally climbed over them. He wasn't psychic...he never knew WHY something was up...just that something was... All it took though was him noticing and I'd tell him. I figure...at that point...why hide it. If she's offered for free...what do you have to lose but a bit of time doing something fun

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Friends with and EX!!!! Posted: 12/2/2008 6:20:30 AM
I'm friends with two of my ex's My ex husband is one of my best friends and easily my closest confidant. He's the one person I can talk to about anything (sex excluded...well, not nitty gritty details) If any guy told me he wanted me to stop being friendly with him, stop our daily chats, stop having him over for dinner like I do...I'd tell him to go eff himself If your friend is allowing this girl to dictate whom he can and can't be friends with like this you need to talk to him...tell him that while he's making this decision he needs to see it through all the way for the girls sake. To string her along like that isn't fair...no matter how jealous, petty and crazy she may be...

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 117 (view)

What words would you LEAST like to hear after sex? Posted: 12/2/2008 6:15:48 AM
I love you So...you wanna go out sometime?

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

letting them go alone... Posted: 11/27/2008 4:25:58 PM
My eldest is 7 and big for his age so I let him go in alone...and panic the whole time I just started doing this because of the looks we would get when I brought him into the ladies room. What I really loathe is when I have to go and he doesn't...and he's waiting outside the ladies room. I'll send him in to the mens to go try...just so he's in a more controlled environment...then I power pee like never before. If he's asking, and he's been in a mens room before I'd give it a shot...after Christmas...when the malls are quieter...or if you're in a quiet restaurant or something of that ilk

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Fell asleep during sex Posted: 11/27/2008 4:19:25 PM
I've fallen asleep during sex a handful of times but each had reasons. I was either drunk or so tired my body just crashed as soon as I was on my back. If it was a semi-regular thing I would have gotten rather upset too

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 57 (view)

How do YOU hit on a man? Posted: 11/27/2008 3:44:59 PM
I tend to not have to after a few steps... I make sure I walk by them more often, making flirtatious eye contact Then...thanks to my mother's instance that I learn how to walk in heels, I make sure I strut my fine ass the whole time I'm in line of sight once I'm past him (oh he's looking) Then I take the same path back...this one is trickier though cause I'm approaching the back of his head...I pass him and glance over my shoulder to gain flirtatious eye contact again. If he's really hot I bite down on my lower lip ever so slightly as I do the 'over shoulder glance' If a few of those isn't working I'm generally pretty inebriated since walking past him is generally to get to the bar...I go up and say hi... OR...watch out of the corner of my eye for when HE's going to the bar... I've bought very expensive rounds of shots just to be at the bar when a hottie is there. Of course...if you've played your cards right, you order one drink and strike up convo...75% of the time he'll cover the cost. Then again...I am bar fly extrodinare and despite this almost-no-fail technique...I'm the only person I know who has mastered it. I try and I try to teach my sister and her friends...and it just doesn't work... sigh

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 34 (view)

Stereotyping single parents Posted: 11/27/2008 5:51:29 AM
I've known both kinds of single moms. I have a friend who is a permanent welfare case with three kids from three dads who does nothing but cause drama if they don't jump when she snaps her fingers. I know another mom who put herself through school and raised a very intelligent daughter before finding a wonderful someone to settle down with. I'm somewhere in the middle. Having popped kids out just out of HS I do rely on my ex for financial support but it's support he offered me. He even offered me spousal on top of child support so I could stay home. I want to go back to school but honestly....it's really scary to think that if I don't do well (I've never been terribly academic) I'm taking two innocent little people down with me. I did the welfare thing when I was leaving my ex and we were getting finances worked out. I chose not to work because my kids were going through an upheaval in their lives and I wanted to be a constant for them. We moved to an interim apartment before finding our house and that was a lot of change for a 3 & 5 year old. I've been on and I know that you can get off. After I saw that my kids were settled I found a job and worked till my ex had his finances in order and he offered for me to stay home. I think the reason the stereotypes are out there because the poorer examples of the single parents are the louder more obnoxious ones. They're the ones pissing and moaning about how their ex's did them so wrong and now the world owes them. The ones who are stand-up, hard workers are too busy being stand-up, hard workers to really complain about it. They just do it

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

She gave me her number, but... Posted: 11/26/2008 6:08:12 AM
But what do you think is the most likely reason? And, should I just give it more time? If she hasn't called back in 4 or 5 days, should I try calling again? I know I could try going back to the restaurant to talk to her in person, but it may be awkwarrrddd if it really is because of the first reason. Call one more time...maybe she didn't get the message from her roommate, maybe she's been busy... If you do go back to the restaurant make sure it's with people and to actually eat...don't just drop by simply to see if she got your message...thats creepy, especially after a simple "here's my number"

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Childs behavior different between both houses Posted: 11/26/2008 5:53:23 AM
I agree whole heartedly with everything said about consistency, schedules, etc. I would also like to add that it's a possibility your son acts up at his fathers and dad just isn't saying as much so he looks like the better parent. I run into this w/ my BFs ex. I have been watching kids in some form or another my whole life...between helping my mom babysit up to 10 kids a day, being a private nanny, doing health care in a children's hospital and now being a SAHM and doing home daycare (again)...and you can tell the stuff they try because they get away with it at home... And BFs ex will say "Oh he never does that here..." when it's ever so apparent he does cause he throughly expects it to work here...as opposed to just trying his hand at something new My 4 year old has been acting out in school...and while sadly he's the type who responds better to negative reinforcements (privilege revoked, time outs) we are still trying a reward system. He has some basic stuff he needs to do in school which provide the most difficulty for him. eg: He doesn't transition well from play time to structured work SO...we've made a chart for him with the difficult bits and he gets a sticker every time he does well. His chart is small and he can carry it around with him. After X stickers a day he gets X privilege at home, after Y stickers a week he gets Y privilege at his fathers house In our case he has 5 slots...if he gets 5 stickers in a day he gets his juice right away at dinner instead of when he's half way done. If he doesn't get 5 stickers in a day he can still redeem himself because the weekly reward is 20 in a week and he does a special craft with his father.

topazgoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Dating when my children know? Posted: 11/25/2008 4:44:59 PM
Firstly...avoid doing stuff at home. Thats how my kids accidently met someone I wasn't ready for them to meet...thankfully a year later we're still together. Even just the coffee shop down the street...that way you're close enough that if anything happens. And tell the sitter where you're going but NOT curious little people. When I go out I tell my kids bare bones...coffee, shopping, movies...they don't need to know my exact location. Also...try to arrange time when they're at their dad's. I know you're tired after a 12 hour shift but if it's that important to you...you'll make time. Or arrange a kid swap...one weekend you have your friends kids over for a sleep over and the next weekend she takes yours... There are ways around it if you really want it

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Lose my number! Posted: 11/20/2008 2:40:39 PM
Holy crap...this is why I am SO GLAD I don't date women There's nothing between them and yet she expects to lay claim to his every attention... I'll bet if he did that to her he would be labeled "controlling, manipulative and probably abusive" Eff me...I hate women like that She deserves the stigma of being clingy and not getting laid... In fact...if a friend of mine were like that and started complaining about him not calling or never seeing any action I'd just respond with "Well...maybe he lost your number"

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Whatever happened to the meaning of MARRIAGE?????? Posted: 10/17/2008 7:15:05 AM
why don't you get DIVORCED first I'm in a year long relationship and before that I was in a year and a half relationship...all while still having the paperwork saying I'm married. This past Canadian Thanksgiving we had a HUGE family dinner inclusing my kids, their dad (my ex), my BF, his son and all of my family. Some people (like myself) don't get divorced right away because they can't afford it...or like my ex and I are doing...want to get all the poop and fights out of the way before paying through the nose for a laywer. It's easier to live the arguments than to anticipate what might be an issue. We're taking the FILING of divorce slowly...but that doesn't mean either of us are dead. We still have emotional/physical needs and wants that can be filled elsewhere and to hell with preconceived notions of waiting till the paperwork goes through to keep on with our lives.

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Meeting for first time w/o phone contact first... Posted: 10/15/2008 12:38:42 PM
I met my ex-boyfriend after a while of e-communication but no phone communication. He just wasn't a phone kinda person. I dated him for 18 mos and the longest phone convo we ever had was me: Hey babe, it's me him: Hey! me: I'm on my way, I'll be about an hour him: Yea! I miss you me: I miss you too.....OH! Do you want me to pick anything up on the way him: Nope got it covered me: K...see you soon him: Yep...love you me: love you too click Seriously...word for word... So don't worry too much about the phone activity. If you have even met him in the past it's not so much of a big deal. Now if your issue is that he doesn't have a phone at all...mention that to him after the meet "Gee it would be great to be able to phone you sometime" He'll likely chuckle and get on it...

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 111 (view)

Worst fashion error of your life. Posted: 10/15/2008 7:45:30 AM
My wedding dress...I think the reasons are obvious

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 80 (view)

What made you end your relationship? Posted: 10/15/2008 7:33:23 AM
Well...my ex had been making me really upset...a lot...on purpose...mental abuse I guess And I was really unhappy but I loved him SO MUCH...and it wasn't exactly like him. He went through "phases" like that and I was desperatly waiting for my boyfriend to return to me There were a lot of things... One day he was making me nuts again and I was crying at my computer desk when my then 5 year old came in and said "Mommy...are you crying again?" It was the 'again' that killed me Then a few days later my ex and I were IMing back and forth as we usually did during the day when he asked "Is everything ok?" I said 'yes'. He responded "I mean with us" I said 'no' That was the day a lot of stuff came out and I had to break up with him Honestly...emotional abuse aside I miss him every day. I can't help but wonder if maybe I'd been more patient, understanding...would my BF have come back to me again, like he'd done in the past when he got like that... There was more behind the reasons this time around so I didn't stick around but I still wonder...everyday

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 58 (view)

Your Most Romantic Date Ever Posted: 10/15/2008 7:24:55 AM
I haven't had many "dates" per say but I've lucked out... They were all pretty romantic in their own way. For me romance needn't be flowers, candles, wine, soft music...but I do like that too It's more along the lines of the thought and effort that goes into it. Like the day trip I just had w/ my boyfriend as an early anniversary gift. He surprised me with tickets to my fave Broadway show "Wicked" (fabulous seats to boot), donned his suit, walked around downtown New York with me. This is all "me" stuff...and he went through a bunch to make it happen... Or the weekend trip to Old Quebec with my ex-boyfriend for our anniversary. Walking hand in hand through the old architecture. Going for crepes for dinner and then stopping at an arcade, grabbing a bottle of wine on the way back to our B&B and spending the night wrapped in each other. Same ex-boyfriend (a night owl) woke up at 6am and came to a giant community garage sale I hit every year. We wandered the garage sale hand in hand then walked back to his place (about a 6-7 mile walk) stopping for munchies and sangria at a local patio bistro... Again...more "me" stuff I've had "traditional" as well... Chateau Brion at a fancy restaurant, great wine followed by a walk in the woods and making love under the full moon... It's all about doing stuff for the other person simply because you want to see them smile.

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Time off... Posted: 10/1/2008 1:29:57 PM
I go to the bar, schedule real hang-over time, sleep till 2pm, go to dinner w/ friends around 6 and have another martini...lol Seriously...really anything you can't do with or would simple be easier without your daughter. With my youngest in school half days I've re-discovered the joys of groceries without begging for cookie/candies...and clothing shopping. I get to try on my clothes all by myself again...lol

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

All Night Lovemaking! Posted: 9/24/2008 5:00:51 PM
After about 4 hours it starts to get boring and I start to dehydrate I've been with a few guys who lasted 6+ hours... By the 4th I was ready to push them off, hand them some vaseline and go to sleep in another room

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

Favoritism Posted: 9/24/2008 4:52:07 AM
Canadianbeef: Well said My ex also gave up his opportunity to even have 50/50 because of the uncertain hours of his job. Would he love to have our boys every other week? Heck yes he would But sometimes his job isn't done till 9pm...or even into the early hours of the morning. Or often he has to be up and out the door before the kids would even be awake. Just not kosher for having two little ones waiting at home with a babysitter

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Favoritism Posted: 9/23/2008 7:21:26 PM
If having or not having another child is as you put it is becoming a "deal breaker" for you, I think he needs to drop you like a bad habit. At no age would I have married a man that would have made having children a requirement for us to marry. If you don't love him enough to marry him without having more children, then you should not marry him as you do not truly love him. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't marriage about life...and it's paths? Wouldn't it be nice to know you're on the same life path? To stay quiet about my desires to become a mother again could be, in the long run, detrimental to our union. It brings up the potential for me to feel resentful and unfulfilled in my life and our marriage. True love is awesome in Hollywood...and the romantic notions of marriage based on unconditional love are adorable...but in reality these are things that have to be looked at. Just as religion, (smaller degree) politics, career goals...life time desires...all part of the pre-marriage discussions.

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Favoritism Posted: 9/23/2008 7:09:35 PM
Being 8 hours away from his child is not a real show of commitment. Why so far away? Mom is from there and when they split his job and location didn't lend to him having the then infant. So she went back home to her family...in another country She then played games w/ him so he couldn't see the babe for close to a year By the time custody came around babe was VERY attached to mum So babe lives w/ mum 8 hours away and he lives here where he has a very good job (to provide for babe) AND where he is a citizen...thus making him able to work.

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Do you tell your neighbors you can hear.. Posted: 9/23/2008 6:11:22 AM
I've had that happen... Drunken college kids cheered our performance outside his open bedroom window. That kind of stuff doesn't bother me. If you're living in an apartment you have to expect that kind of stuff...either people hearing or hearing people. My grandparents used to live in a place where the walls between apartments and the floors/ceilings were concrete...perhaps OP should look into something like that... Lest the next set of neighbours be insensitive screamers...like me

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Do you tell your neighbors you can hear.. Posted: 9/23/2008 6:04:36 AM
It's annoying but if they're trying to be quiet about it...what else do you expect them to do? Abstain so their neighbour can sleep? If I was trying to be quiet and it was brought up to me more than once...I would have a month of hanging-from-the-chandler-screaming-like-a-monkey-in-heat-obscenity-laced kinda sex...hells...when I wasn't having sex I'd have porn on and the speakers face down on the floor... Just so that when I go back to being quiet the neighbours would appreciate it more

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

What Date Would You Like To Relive? Posted: 9/23/2008 5:56:46 AM
The one that I would like to relive is an odd one...not a 'date' per say but still a date We were going to a huge party (at a wicked industrial club) together in another city and catching the same ride w/ a mutual friend. We chatted on line for a while, flirted, enjoyed each others conversation, humor, wit... The mutual friend kept telling me what a great guy this guy was...really wanting to play match maker. So when lodging came up I said I was gonna stay in the room being split by like a dozen people. He said he was getting his own room and I was welcome to share with him.... I think, best case, I get laid. Worst case, I don't like him and bail on the room and crash with the dozen or so people down the hall... So I agree. We meet for coffee a few days before the trip and I like him even more in person. So we go to on the trip. He pays for EVERYTHING. Gas, food, coffees, drinks, the room, breakfast the next morning... I had brought enough money to cover my half of it all but he would hear nothing of it. So we get ready to go to the club together. We flirt but there's no overt touching or any kissing. All night is a game of cat and mouse. He's watching me, I'm dancing away on the floor. Finally we're both dancing and watching each other from across the 'circle' our group has formed. I walk across and kiss him. Then after the club we went back to the room where he pressed me up against the wall and kissed me like I'd never been kissed before. My knees literally went weak...up to that point I had thought that was just a figure of speech. When he pulled away he said "Well...we should probably go socialize." and wandered off to the other room to be social with the group of people...expertly leaving me wanting more. We proceeded to date for a year and a half and I will always have love for him in my heart

TopazGoddess

Joined: 9/9/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Favoritism Posted: 9/23/2008 5:39:49 AM
does this sound like blackmail Heavens no. We got talking about the future...rings, marriage, the whole shebang. It's no secret I want more kids...well...kid... And as it came up we got talking about the possibility of adding one more to our brood. Some day's he's all for it, suggesting names, making jokes about me being in the kitchen barefoot and not-yet pregnant, when we're making up from arguments he says he can't wait to walk up behind me and wrap his arms around my huge belly, kiss my belly, see the first ultrasound and finally hold and raise our child together... And then others he's finding reason after reason not to Given how much I would like this IN THE FUTURE ... his back and forth is becoming difficult to handle I told him as much last night. We discussed it and he said that it's something he's gonna want in the future as well...just not right now Cripes...I don't want it yet either. Before him, I thought I was done...but then we got together and as we started talking about getting hitched my clock went off again And my handling any potential split shouldn't be a concern. My ex and I are so close we often don't punish the kids without consulting the other. We still co-parent almost as closely as we did when we were together. My kids aren't leverage, meal tickets or anything like that. They are two little boys who are loved by two close parents who consistently discipline them and love them.

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