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Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

Friends with Benefits.....What are the benefits? Posted: 9/26/2009 4:11:11 PM
Gosh it all sounds very cutndried. There are so many reasons why a relationship is not right at a particular time, does that mean you have to be totally celebate? And is it not better to entrust your body with a friend than a complete stranger? I once made the mistake of being celebate for 3 years after a disasterous short term relationship. The experience taught me not to let anyone I wasn't 100% sure of into the life of my son and I'm glad to say I never have since, but it has brought along with it another set of problems, ie dating is not easy when you can't leave the house due to having a young child and can't bring anyone in to it. I wish I had allowed myself some escapism at that point of my life with someone I valued without having to devote time I new I didn't have. Now my son is 16 things have vastly changed. I still don't like the idea of any new prospect coming in to my home, but at least I'm able to leave the home now without worrying about his welfare. Now is the time to be looking at a relationship. With that in mind I really think it is each to their own. In my eyes it is a bigger crime to take barely known men into the family home, when you don't know their back ground and subject the young to cooing and flirting courtship that may well dissolve in to nothing and be replaced by yet another partner a matter of months later.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Common decency.. Posted: 9/25/2009 11:49:53 PM
What a load of clap trap! You don't need religion to have morals or persoanal boundaries, you just need common sense and common decency. I am not religious, but I don't feel the compulsion to steal and I am naturally monogomous. My son recently was distraught when one of his friends was unfaithful to his girlfriend and stopped being friends with him instantly. That attitude was not born of religion, but his own personal feelings and emotions dictated it. You do not have to be a follower of a dictatership to be a good person and anyone who feels they do is weak and feable. Religion has it's purpose that meets the needs of some people, but it is not the reason why the people within it are better people (as they are not) or less likely to go off the rails (as they do). I would argue that we need to sort out the government with regards to rules and instructions as they have lost direction and they should be the ones that we follow and maintain our laws through. Not religion!

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 54 (view)

Mature Ladies? Posted: 9/25/2009 11:41:24 PM
Wow what a lot of preconceptions. I wonder if they are born of your parents? My Mum is 67 and is fit as a fiddle, well dressed, modern hairstyle (that suits her) still works 30+ hours a week and could put many younger people to shame (including me!). I also believe that most young guys looking for a 'mature' woman are not looking for someone who is celebate and greatful for what they get, but someone without all the hang ups, attitude of (I love myself) and skilled at what they do. They want to learn from your experience and themselves become a better lover. It really should (in most cases) be taken as a compliment that they have looked at your profile, liked what they have seen and sort you out to learn from you. Having now well and truely hit my 40's and personally preferring younger men, I personally am not really interested in men that need to learn from my experiences, plus anyone who is remotely close in age to my teenage son is a real no no. I don't want two kids to look after! lol. So when I say I like younger men I am generally talking about guys in their 30s. Which also means it depends on which side of the fence you're looking from for perspective on age, as someone else may consider the same age range mature.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Are sexy people good for relationships or just for fun? Posted: 8/1/2009 2:15:38 AM
I hadn't even got on to the written content lol. I've got to admit the word 'fun' has found a new meaning via the internet. It no long seems to mean, having a laugh with friends, or going down the big slide at the water park, but refers to sexually activity with out ties kind of thing. It's a shame really. Having said that I think the Americans have imposed on us a new meaning for 'dating' too. I think of dating as a build up to a relationship, whereas it seems to mean meeting people casually with no particular reference to future prospects these days. Life is so confusing!!! It's hard to stop using words in the traditional way when you are accustomed to it and so easily misinterpretted for the new meanings. Which terms are used to replace the old meanings?

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

The perfect partner Posted: 8/1/2009 2:10:24 AM
Gosh and I thought I was picky!!! Did you mean 'speech' by the way? And did you think you might find this person in a nightclub? Personally I am totally bewildered by what I would like in a partner. All I really know is I haven't met them yet.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Are sexy people good for relationships or just for fun? Posted: 8/1/2009 1:48:17 AM
I think you are probably right with your assumptions with regards to men in poses such as you described scints. They are giving a visual image of what they are looking for. However, men seem to be able to interpret the smallest thing as 'sexual'. For instance a lady wearing a low cut dress in one pic of several, can be deemed as being 'provocative' and therefore looking for something physical. She has a photo in a bikini top or sexy fancy dress costume where the others are your average day to day pics, but the focus is straight on those pics. Is it fair to be judged by those one or two pics? When you're trying to show 'personality' as in 'I go out with the girls and have fun' or 'I like the way I look in this' or 'I don't know lol'. What I'm getting at is we all have many sides to us and I think women are generally more likely to show their personality through what they wear and do with friends. Wheras men seem to do it through football clubs and cars. Had you noticed that girls? Why do they put themselves in a football stadium and think that is going to improve their chances of dating? lol And who cares what their car of 5 years down the line looked like? Are we just misguided? I get you on the labido thing and you're all right. No way would people answer honestly on that one.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Are sexy people good for relationships or just for fun? Posted: 8/1/2009 12:37:24 AM
When you're looking at someones profile and you get the vibe that the person is quite sexual, ie, they may have pics of them dressing up provacatively or their profile may suggest they have a high appetite sexually. Does this work for them or against them in terms of potential relationships? Is it safer to look for someone who is less sexual because then you are less likely to lose them? Should there be a section in the descriptions asking how high your labido is so you can match with someone who is similar to yourself? Or is this not important?

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

friends after being dumped? Posted: 8/1/2009 12:25:45 AM
This is something that can not be generalised as the circumstances have such a huge impact. For instance. If you date someone you met in a nightclub and have no ties with whatsoever, then 3 months down the line decide it's not working and decide to put an end to it. It's likely to be a clean break and you both go back to your original lives. However, if you have been friends with someone for years and you share friends and a spark appears or you start to date after an evening of soul searching? Too much to drink? One relents to the others constant flirting? Then find after a while it doesn't work, why would and how would you disconnect from that person without spoiling something that once worked perfectly well without the relationship? Too many variables, too many scenarios that lead to a different ending. Some will stay friends and some won't. Maybe where you source your relationships from is the answer to this question? If you most often date people who are strangers to you then it is likely you will cease to see them after?

bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Lying about doing drugs.. Posted: 5/31/2009 2:48:02 AM
I find it quite incredulous that people don't think of alcohol and cigarettes as drugs. To me they most certainly are and in all honesty there are very few of us that should not be admitting to taking drugs for that reason. I imagine a lot of people deny their habitual drug taking for reasons of work as well. So many people lose their jobs or get reprimanded for their social interaction on the net these days, it's just not a good idea to admit something like that so openly. For that reason I personally would not assume that all the people that I talk to on here do not or have never taken drugs, just because they have said no on their profile. Also, quite a few people have answered very personally to the op on here, which isnt meant to happen is it? Are you not supposed to be answering generally and not pointedly?

bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

Why are we stuck in front of computers instead of down the beach! Posted: 5/31/2009 2:38:06 AM
No beach near me either, but I did do a stint in the garden, even did a bit of gardening while I was there. I am having cousin envy at the moment as 2 of them live down in Devon, literally minutes from a lovely little beach. Still I guess I did live in Cyprus for a couple of years where there was glorious sunshine and beaches on tap every day, so can't complain.

bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 99 (view)

Britains Got Talent Posted: 5/31/2009 2:13:35 AM
I'll admit I have not read the 5 pages of comments before me, but just the few on this page and I defy anyone to say that Diversity have no talent! Oh my God, are they not an amazing young dance act? The fact that one of the guys choreographed all the moves himself and managed 3 different sets in a short period of time is amazing and the humour interjected was hilarious. Yes there are some talentless people, but it is so worth sifting through to find the ones that shine. Last night was a very entertaining and enjoyable viewing with people that geniunely do have talent with varying degrees. They all deserved to be there. Reference the Susan Boyle thing. I have a serious suspicion she has something like aspergers. With this in mind when you think of her background, ie being a social outcast most of her life with no friends or emotional links, being catapulted in to a world of love and admiration, then to have the conflicting feelings of not being liked (which is the emotion she can relate with) I'm sure it was very very diffcult for her to be on that stage where she was being judged against all these other people. I think coming second is the best thing that could happen to her as if she had won, I think she would have had a melt down very quickly. At least this way she knows that she was admired and nearly made it, but with less of the stress of then being wealthy and having to perform again. *I've started reading back now.... Reference the Diversity v Flawless debate. Where Diversity had the edge was because they were actually choreographing their own dances where Flawless were not. This very much showed in their dancing as it was able to pick up on the personalities of the children dancing, which flawless just didn't. I feel like I understand Diversity more and the characters within it shone out. I'm sure I will not be alone in thinking this? I also agree with wafta (comment 108) Personally i've got a degree and a post grad, so I don't have to proove to anyone I've got a brain, it works when I need it lol. I like learning new things, but at the same time I love light hearted entertainment. I've done a bit of am dram in my past and can relate with going up on that big stage and getting stage fright and fluffing words etc. I really admire the people for giving it a go and even more admiration for those that work it. I'm glad people didn't think Am Dram shows were a waste of time or we would have never had an audience, which would have been a shame as some of the productions were fantastic! Variety is the spice of life!

bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Family Gossip Posted: 5/31/2009 2:07:20 AM
Hey I just wanted to say thanks for all the great responses. I've not checked on here for a while and really enjoyed reading all the messages. I love the rice analogy as well and may well use it lol. Px

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 116 (view)

Body type-Average??????? Posted: 4/15/2009 1:05:59 AM
Marilyn Monroe was a US size 16, UK size 12 although with today's dress sizes she'd probably be a 10. Not sure about this one. When I went shopping in America I was delighted to find the sizes made me 2 sizes slimmer, not fatter. It's the shoes that go up 2 sizes, ie uk size 7 becomes size 9. Having said that I would be more willing to believe Marilyn was a size 12 than 16 from what I have seen, she was curvy but had a lovely little waist. Personally I hate it when people quote sizes as meaning how large you are. We are all shapes and sizes and the height to weight ratio really does make a difference. I have a friend who is 5' nothing and can wear my jeans, she is much rounder than me, but we are the same dress size. Some people carry their weight a lot better than others too as they are fitter and more active. My sister is over 11 stone and a 10/12 at 5'10 I remember when I was a teenager being 10 1/2 stone and thinking I was huge, but I wasn't. It's taken me until now and seeing old photos to realise this and it's opinions like these that lead to women feeling low and having low self esteem. Isn't it better to judge people as individuals instead of quoting dress sizes, acceptable weight ratios and 'averages' as no one is average, we are all very different. Even the BMI thing is not fool proof. You would find someone who trains hard and is fit or muscular may well have a BMI that shows them to be unhealthy, when they are the picture of health.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Family Gossip Posted: 4/15/2009 12:43:24 AM
I'm not sure if my family could be classed as normal or not, but I am wondering if all the gossip and opinions within mine are normal or not. When I was younger my family was really close. We all used to go on holiday once or twice a year together, that being grandparents, uncles, aunties and cousins, we all lived really close and got on relatively well. Now the grandparents are no longer with us and my Mum is the grandparent. All the aunties and uncles have split up and cousins have moved out of the area. We have lost touch, but with losing touch comes rumours. My Mum is quite an opinionated lady and has something to say about everyone. Not knowing any better I would believe what she said, then recently I went to visit one of my cousins in Devon and found her to be so different to how I was led to believe. I'm starting to wonder if I have been easily led and easily upset by opinions that are not validated. So the question is... do families generally gossip about each other and put each other down, or are there still families out there that are close knit and supportive? I really miss how our family used to be and am so happy that I went to visit my cousin, she is a lovely person and I think I have found a friend in her, we are far more a like than I had ever imagined. Also, do you let comments made by family members get to you or ignore them, because it's not worth the hassle as they don't know what they are talking about?

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

single parents and our non-parent activities Posted: 3/30/2009 2:55:50 AM
I personally take the stance of the OP on this one. By the way, no where in the introduction does the op say that she is thinking of telling her children she is having casual sex, just that she is a single parent who does and then stating the reasons why. I think some people here are forgetting that children do not think in terms of sex. As a child from a split family both my Mum and my Dad had relationships after they split up. I new my Mum went to bed with her friend, but I never thought of it past sleeping and my Dad (who has been married 4 times) did a much worse thing than openly have ladies in his bedroom (which I had never actually noticed as a child) but stopped seeing myself and my brother in preference to spending time with his lady friends. This is not the reason why I chose casual relationship as apposed to trying to see if I can make relationships work while my son grew up, but because I remember feeling so very sad when people I had grown to like left and I had no explanation of where they had gone or why. It made me sad and I grew to not get too friendly with people because I never expected them to stick around. I also resented them for taking my Dad away from me, when it wasn't their fault as it was my Father's choice. I would also like to look at it from the other persons point of view. If I had been seeing someone for 5 months and was still saying not tome them meeting my child, then I would feel completely devalued and unloved. I would like to think that 5 months was enough time for them to be able to trust me and certainly know if the relationship was going to continue. There does have to be a point where you can accept that someone is part of your life and may be a good thing and possibly enhance the lives of your children. My son is now a fairly mature teenager. He has a girlfriend and they seem to be getting on great. He is effectionate to her, he holds her hand, they play in the garden and laugh and talk. I believe I have done the right thing by him and he has been able to establish a loving relationship with this girl that exactly parallells the kind of relationship I would one day hope to have. Now is the time I can start to take a few risks with my own heart, maybe not at home as yet, but I would not be so cautious about bringing a potential boyfriend home. I think as my son is no longer of an innocent age I would not sleep with a man in the home though unless it was a confirmed, yes this works, we're good for each other and we care about a future together. For those of you have been single for a year or two and choose celibacy, I managed four years, but you can't do it forever and having now been single for 9 years I think it would be wrong to do so. You are a whole person and all your needs are equally important. We all need to be hugged, cuddled and have a world rocked now and again. If you can find someone who can do that for you without complicating your family life then why is that such a bad thing? Honesty and communication is the key.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

single parents and our non-parent activities Posted: 3/30/2009 2:55:02 AM
I personally take the stance of the OP on this one. By the way, no where in the introduction does the op say that she is thinking of telling her children she is having casual sex, just that she is a single parent who does and then stating the reasons why. I think some people here are forgetting that children do not think in terms of sex. As a child from a split family both my Mum and my Dad had relationships after they split up. I new my Mum went to bed with her friend, but I never thought of it past sleeping and my Dad (who has been married 4 times) did a much worse thing than openly have ladies in his bedroom (which I had never actually noticed as a child) but stopped seeing myself and my brother in preference to spending time with his lady friends. This is not the reason why I chose casual relationship as apposed to trying to see if I can make relationships work while my son grew up, but because I remember feeling so very sad when people I had grown to like left and I had no explanation of where they had gone or why. I grew to not get too friendly with people because I never expected them to stick around and I grew to distrust people. I also resented them for taking my Dad away from me, when it wasn't their fault as it was my Father's choice. I would also like to look at it from the other persons point of view. If I had been seeing someone for 5 months and he was still saying no to me meeting his family, then I would feel completely devalued and unloved. I would like to think that 5 months was enough time for them to be able to trust me and certainly know if the relationship was going to continue. There does have to be a point where you can accept that someone is part of your life and may be a good thing and possibly enhance the lives of your children. My son is now a fairly mature teenager. He has a girlfriend and they seem to be getting on great. He is effectionate to her, he holds her hand, they play in the garden and laugh and talk. I believe I have done the right thing by him and he has been able to establish a loving relationship with this girl that exactly parallells the kind of relationship I would one day hope to have. Now is the time I can start to take a few risks with my own heart, maybe not at home as yet, but I would not be so cautious about bringing a potential boyfriend home. I think as my son is no longer of an innocent age I would not sleep with a man in the home though, unless it was a confirmed, yes this works, we're good for each other and we care about a future together. For those of you who have been single for a year or two and choose celibacy, I managed four years, but you can't do it forever and having now been single for 9 years I think it would be wrong to do so. You are a whole person and all your needs are equally important. We all need to be hugged, cuddled and have our world rocked now and again. If you can find someone who can do that for you without complicating your family life, then why is that such a bad thing? Honesty and communication is the key.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Friday the 13th Posted: 3/13/2009 4:32:57 PM
Having been born on Friday the 13th my Mother may agree with you. I however see it as a day of celebration and enjoy it. I have absolutely no superstition about the da what so ever for this reason and have never had reason to. I think you will find it is just coincidence.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

School Shooting(s),... are they connected with aggressive video games? Posted: 3/13/2009 1:33:15 AM
There will always be people with addictive natures, people that hold on to something and make it the 'reason' for being. These people need to be given moderation as the addiction can become more severe. Before video games this would have been blamed on horror or action movies. As someone else has already stated, people were already aware that he was unstable and no one should have a gun in their home that is not locked away. This could not have happened if it had been. My son likes computer games, but then he also likes going out with his friends and spending time with his girlfriend, he is not obsessed and knows the difference between reality and fiction. I don't see the point in stopping him playing the games that are acceptable for his age group just because someone else had a problem.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Singles Nights: Optimism or Pessimism? Posted: 3/13/2009 1:26:30 AM
lol not sure us more mature ladies would be taken in by your charms haha, all power to you for believing it though lol

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 60 (view)

Religion -should it be banned from educational establishments. Posted: 3/13/2009 1:20:29 AM
All schools in the UK teach about the most well known religions across the board and of equal proportion. Understanding about these religions gives greater understanding of how people live and why they do the things they do. It allows for acceptance, because without knowledge assumptions are made and often when you don't understand something you may reject it as an unknown quantity and all those that participate in it. I went to a C of E school when I was a child and we did the usual things of celebrating Harvest Festival, Easter and Christmas. I know the stories and where I do consider them to be stories I don't think they did me any harm. I was certainly not forced to attend Church on a weekly basis, but the Church was part of the community. Remember that word 'community' something we seem to be losing. My son due to circumstances has ended up at a Catholic school. He actually enjoys R.E and likes the debate that it allows. He recently told me that he likes the teacher he has now as he does not try and force religion down their throats, but looks at it obectively and informs them only. They are allowed to debate and question. My son does not believe in God, this is his choice and he has been allowed to come to this decision despite having religious education. What do 5 year olds get from R.E? I think it's great that they get to make chinese lanterns and learn about what people do in China to celebrate the New Year, learn stories about the ox and the monkey and the race across the river. They are learning about people, the fact that the world doesn't end with them and that other people do things that we don't. How can that be a bad thing? Abandoning religion in schools totally would also mean no more easter egg hunts, not more nativity plays, no more harvest festivals which again is a community thing, where children are often made aware of the elderly living in their area for the first time in their lives and that they suffer in the winter months. I personally loved learning about divali and making little clay lanterns, the story is a nice one. Plus when we live with people of different religions, isn't it helpful to know why some people aren't eating during day light and some are fasting? Even more so in fact! Maybe we should stop people being allowed to christen their babies as they are not giving them a choice? Religion is not history as it is current, it should be given it's place in education, so we can understand each other and not dismiss each other for being different without really understanding why. Most religions are based on peace. If they were not manipulated then there would not be any war in the name of it. The Easter Story shows that Jesus got annoyed with his disciples for fighting the soldiers that were nailing him to the cross, he told them to stop. I interpret that to mean he doesn't believe in war, but then there are so many stories that can be manipulated to mean what you want, which is why I am not a religious person.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

Singles Nights: Optimism or Pessimism? Posted: 3/13/2009 12:46:45 AM
I think they can be very predictable. You get your gaggle of men standing back with their pints making rude gestures, but not having the guts to speak until they have had a skinful and then being border line abusive. You have your gaggle of women drinking too much and taking over the dance floor as they jiggle about taking pictures of themselves all night. You then get your friends that have come with friends and have no intention of talking to anyone else and just enjoy watching everyone else and there are also ones that have pre-arranged to meet someone of the opposite sex and are either getting on great and slobbering all over each other by the end of the night or have made their excuses and left early to get away from the one who had a picture 10 years old on here. Oh and I forgot the guy who is expecting rejection and goes on his own, so he gets drunk far too quickly and tries to latch on to who ever he can in the hope for a grope. Unfortunately I had this one attach himself to me at the last one I went to in Brum and it put me off big time. I just couldn't shake him off! It is a very artificial setting and for me it's not really the best. Personally I'd like to see a meet where the people going are all POF members only and everyone is in the same boat, instead of most going with their friends. I'd also like to see smaller parties that are not crammed to capacity as I find people are more likely to talk in that environment. I've recently taken up salsa dancing and have found it to be a lot more sociable. Partly because you get to dance with everyone and partly due to the fact that there are less people and not everyone knows each other so people make more effort.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Are You FED UP With Criminals Being Mollycoddled? Posted: 3/13/2009 12:28:46 AM
Just this week heard that a guy has spent 20 odd years in prison for something he didnt do,DNA proved his innocent..........good job the death penalty is not in this country. This guy was a complete numpty and should have done a period inside anyway as he was a pathalogical liar who would often give himself up as the one who had committed a crime knowing full well he had nothing to do with it. In doing this he would stop the police from pursuing the real criminal and waste both time and money. It back fired on him. Silly man! You shouldn't play games unless you are prepared to lose. I do think that the criminals in the most secure prisons should be given less priviledges, but I also believe that all people need to have something to work towards to give them reason to exist. Offering a carrot can encourage good behaviour, which later becomes the excepted norm. One of the reasons criminals are let out earlier is due to good behaviour and voluntary rehabilitation, which gives the person the tools to be able to cope back in society and hopefully not reoffend. It's a difficult one.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

Do you differentiate who you will meet by days of the week? Posted: 3/13/2009 12:17:38 AM
Oh dear, this wasn't meant to be a personal thread. It was meant to be a more general question to find out if others did this too. Oh well, another failed thread.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Do you differentiate who you will meet by days of the week? Posted: 3/12/2009 5:27:21 PM
I know this person is not married or living with anyone as they are a friend of friends and only lives a matter of minutes from me. I also know they had no real plans for Friday evening. I think what I am getting at is like with a similar scanario where a man might offer to take one woman out for a drink and another one out for a meal, believing the one was worth more than the other.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Do you differentiate who you will meet by days of the week? Posted: 3/12/2009 4:56:08 PM
I recently came across someone who was eager to meet me during the week, but when I said I was free on the Friday they didn't want to know. This reminded me of something I had read or heard about before, where some people categories who they would meet by days of the week. Ie Monday might be a friend from work for a drink. Saturday might be a hot date. Do you and have you ever done this and in what way would/do you categories? I personally am less likely to agree to see anyone before a Thursday purely because I know it would have an impact on my work the next day, but I don't think it would matter who they were for meeting over a weekend.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

How do you change who you are in order to find love? Posted: 1/8/2009 1:08:09 AM
My gosh! First of all can I thank everyone for their replies. I really didn't expect many people to bother and the content is far beyond my antisipation as the replies have been very useful, as I now have something constructive to consider. Where do I start? When I wrote this message I was thinking about life generally and not just my success rate on POF, after all, life does not begin and end at POF does it? I've spent years not going out clubbing due to being a single Mum, where the father is out of the Country, so I'm not exposed to weekends free as some are. My son has always come first and as I didn't get on with my Step Dad I admit originally I was trying to avoid putting my child in the same situation. Now he is 15 I feel like that concern has perhaps passed by as he no longer needs my company and is able to make decisions for himself. I have gone out with friends a few times during 2008 and if I am honest, I don't like night clubs, I don't enjoy the meat market atmosphere. I work from home with my business and the rest of the time I work with children (Yes I know quite a contrast), but rarely come across the opposite sex on a day to day. However, I do arrange a social for one of the sites I belong to once a month, although thus far no one has attending who is of my age and single. Who took those pictures on my profile? Me! No one comes to my home as I won't have them meet my son unless it is serious, those pics do reflect part of my personality and yes sometimes I have warn them out, but just because you enjoy dressing up doesn't mean you're flirting with everyone. I'm usually with a gaggle of girlfriends or mixed friends and well in my comfort zone when I do something like that and not looking around to see if I'm attracting anyones attention. With regards to POF, yes I do get a fair bit of interest, but maybe 50% not really physically my type and the majority of others live too far away or there is a big age difference. I would say in the time I have been on here there have been 10 that have lived local enough to make it plausable, but again that didn't mean they were right for me for other reasons. I've met 3 people from POF and I'm afraid none of them were right for me. What is putting me off? I admit as a teenager I once went off someone because I saw them in a canary yellow t.shirt. (How bad is that?) I don't think I am like that anymore. The guy that I recently met has recently been kicked out of his bedsit and as he was in arrears they landlord kept some of this things. I had to go to a pub with him to pick up the items as he was scared to go on his own in case he got beat up. When we got there the landlord had 2 very big friends with him and I was worried myself. Supposing that was the end of the run of bad luck I brush it aside. The next time I see him he tells me that he is considering buying a car when he already has a van. Knowing he has little money I ask him why he wants to buy something he doesn't need. It took him quite some time before he admitted that he is expecting the van to be repossessed as he is behind with the repayments. He doesn't have a regular job, so can't budget for his regular bills. When I suggested that he try paying for his new accomodation and bills he already has before investing in something else he got annoyed and told me he new what he was doing. Also, he needed a new charger for his phone. I suggested getting one on ebay and we had a look. We found one for £2.50 and he asked me to get it for him. I said that I would get it if he gave me the money. It was the same night we had to go to the pub and after I had bought it he said that he would buy me a drink in exchange for the charger. I was shocked. Not only did I drive us to the pub and save his bacon by agreeing to go (he had tried to get the police to attend the landlords house but they were too busy) he expected me to buy my own drink. He did buy the drink, but has not given me the money for the charger even though I did protest and tell him that I thought it was a bit off. Previous to that I met a guy who had tattoes on his knuckles and told me his mates kept getting into fights, but he wanted out. I'm sorry but that put me off. Another one who kept patting my bum every time I stood up and trying to kiss me in the pub when I had only just met him. Now I am going out more and have more flexibility I know that the chances of meeting someone is greater, but I do seem to perpetially feel disappointed and there is only so much disappointment you can feel. In an ideal world I would meet someone that I can be friends with, go out with and date. Anyone remember that term? I keep getting told I am really old fashioned for wanting to date and get to know someone before the 'fun' starts. Once i've established that there is something special between me and someone else, then I'm happy to release the sexual side of me, which is real, but reserved for the right person. After all you don't deal with lingerie because you don't like it, but it doesn't mean that is all you're about either. Seems these days people want to start with the sex and then see if there is anything in common.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

How do you change who you are in order to find love? Posted: 1/7/2009 2:06:42 PM
I met a local guy a couple of weeks ago. There was physical attraction and we seemed to have a few parallels that meant we may have other things in common. I've already found so many holes in the guy I'd be surprised if he wasn't perferated. I've already mentally prepared myself to tell him it's not going any where. Am I the only person who does this or is anyone else guilty of it too?

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 58 (view)

Feeding a Teenager Posted: 1/7/2009 2:01:25 PM
The eat it or leave it idea is all very well if you can afford to throw food away, but I can not. It frustrates me when my son leaves food for the fact I've worked so hard to put it on the table. Also, you know that the childhood years are the most important for eating nutrients, which isn't so hard when they are young, but as soon as the reach the 'Kevin' stage they seem to rather die than eat something healthy. What I don't understand is why you can go out for a meal with your teenage offspring, they say they are not hungry or barely eat anything and as soon as you get home they profess to be starving and need to be fed. What's that all about?

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

How do you change who you are in order to find love? Posted: 1/7/2009 1:49:53 PM
I've spent the last 9 years single. Admittedly the first 3 years was deliberate, as I needed to focus on my education and career to support my son properly. Since then if I am honest I would have loved to let someone into my life and eventually my childs, but I just haven't been able to do it. I'm tired of my indecision, my inability to flirt in the real world, my inability to find anyone 'right' for me, or is that more the fact that I keep finding fault with people and demanding more perfection than I can give? How do I stop myself from inwardly pushing away what I want and accepting that someone out there might not be perfect, but they might be right? I don't want to spend another year on my own.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

How do you break it to him gently? Posted: 1/4/2009 1:59:00 PM
I'm so glad that I came here when I reached my dilemma as this does parallel my situation, although I have only recently hooked up with this chap, but by God has a lot happened in a couple of weeks. I have decided that it isn't going to work for very similar reasons, plus the fact that he has nothing to show for his life at 34 and talks about buying cars and stuff when he is 3 months behind on his payments for the van he does have. I think the worse thing is his inability to take any interest in anything I say that doesn't come back to him. I guess where I am interested in him and what he does, I want to share my life and what I'm doing too. So, no doubt being much shorter of no more than 3 weeks it shouldn't be so difficult to tell him it's not working, but I know already he had depended on me heavily and I'm worried he will try and make it difficult. How do you put it so there is no way of being reasoned round? I hate confrontation and if I am honest I'm so tempted to do it via the internet (which is what he was on the last 2 times we met). Any ideas?

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

those dreaded words Posted: 12/9/2008 4:45:54 AM
awwwhhh thanks guys! shouldnt really laugh, poor man is gutted :( I did say that maybe he didnt believe hard enough, but he just said "you forgot didnt you mum". Oh dear, if he is blaming you then he can't believe in the tooth fairy, so how can the fairy come? I think you need to sit him down and tell him the facts again. If you don't believe then it can't happen. My son stopped believing in father christmas years ago and I was gutted lol.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

£84 Million Overdaraft !! Posted: 12/9/2008 3:56:28 AM
I would have taken the money and stuck it in a savings account until they asked for it back. Alliance & Leicester no longer charges interest on overdrafts, instead they charge 50p per day for using the overdraft and I'm sure I could make a lot more than 50p per day in interest on £84 million. I'd have done this without a doubt. My online banking allows me to transfer money from my debit account into a savings account within a click and I would have been gaining interest from the very compnay that had given me the money in the first place. They would have had no right on my savings, so I believe the interest would have remained mine.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

blowing your own trumpet ! Posted: 12/8/2008 1:55:46 AM
Hmmm... I'm not sure anyone would choose arrogance as an appealing quality. I wouldn't choose quiet confidence either. My ex was the quiet confident type and you just new that he would let you do something, knowing you would be doing it wrong, saying nothing and then just do it right. I found that so belittling. It's much better to have someone who is able to exude confidence through their actions. Not by bragging and telling everyone how great they are or by acting better than everyone else, but by being able to hold their own, take control when necessary and offer help without making you feel incapable. I am a fan of confident men. I love to see a guy who can talk to anyone from any back ground and be well received, or offer me advice/help if I am struggling with something and the more versatile the better.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Drinking measures and size of a glass Posted: 12/8/2008 1:48:44 AM
tashie just to let you know that I have found a drinking measure on ebay that was reasonably priced and bought it. It wasn't an option I had considered before and I'm sure my Dad will look at it with disappointment lol, but at least he will have no excuse for drinking such large measures now. Thanks x

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Boris Boobs Again Posted: 12/8/2008 1:44:48 AM
most road users are inconsiderate these days. You wouldn't get me doing a job like that for love nor money. Everyone is in a rush and everyone has something more important to do than the next person. I think this is exaserpated by the fact that when you do try and be considerate to another driver, the several behind him will take the mickey. Ie, you let one person in to try and keep the flow moving and the half a dozen cars behind him will move in without leaving a gap for you. If people actually looked at what was happening around them and considered that it is sensible to let someone through if they are blocking a route and not stop in a yellow grid etc then half the accidents that happen would be avoided. It's really not fair to alianate anyone type of road user as I think everyone is doing it.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Drinking measures and size of a glass Posted: 12/8/2008 1:14:52 AM
I've been in my local tesco and they have one's in for Christmas that are big. Typical that they take their usual stock off when I need them. I could always buy a bottle of wine to go witht the glasses so it wouldn't matter that they were cheap. Thanks for the replies guys, I shall check that website out now too.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Drinking measures and size of a glass Posted: 12/8/2008 12:18:38 AM
My Dad has recently been in hospital for a major operation. Before he came out he saw a notice on the wall that said that one glass of wine per day is good for you if you have had a heart condition. This made him very happy as he does like a drink. Since getting out of hospital I have noticed he drinks quite a lot and he blames it on the size of the glass. He says you just can't get a small wine glass any more and it is natural to fill the glass. I decided to buy him a small wine glass for a Christmas present or better still one that shows the measure of it, so he knows how much he is drinking. Can I find one? He is right, all wine glasses these days are huge!!!!! Has anyone else found this problem? Does anyone know where you can obtain wine glasses that are not the size of buckets or better still show you the volume that you are drinking? Why do you think the glasses are so much bigger these days? Is it because that is what the consumer wants?

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Boris Boobs Again Posted: 12/8/2008 12:13:20 AM
Just been watching his lap and I dont think he's ever heard of opposite lock when a car slides and he cab sit there criticising PROFESSIONALS!!! Do you spend a lot of time looking at mens laps so intently? How can you tell so much about a person by watching their groin? I do wonder!

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

A fear of making a wrong decision.. Posted: 12/8/2008 12:08:38 AM
Sounds like you have turned into me Alma. The worse thing is once you have finally made that decision and feel comfortable with your choice, someone else will come along and blow it out of the water. I really hate it when I've finally found peace with a choice I have made and that happens, then the whole scenario starts again of self doubt, am I doing the right thing? Have a ruined my sons life by denying him this experience? blah blah. I guess you just have to go with it when you are on your own and don't have anyone to debate decisions with and adjust things as you see fit when you feel it is necessary.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 58 (view)

Sleeping with people you do not love Posted: 10/27/2008 6:11:20 AM
hmmm... I would say every man I ever slept with was a man that I didn't love at one point. Simply because when you first meet someone and embark on a relationship you do not start with love. Not many people are left in the world that wait until marriage before having sex, so I reckon at least 90% of people would have done this. Isn't the sex also part of the foundation of love and not the result of love?

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

There is/are always plenty of fish........ Posted: 10/25/2008 4:53:27 AM
I don't understand how your friend can justify her opinion of getting to know 'one person' when the person she is seeing is with someone else? I hate to say this to you as she is your friend, but to me she is the loser for lowering her standards so much that she is prepared to continue seeing a man who is not free and has no time for her. Here is not just a place for desperados, it's a place for people to talk, share opinions/debate and enjoy each others company socially. The chances of meeting someone you enjoy being around who is also single are increased by the fact that a lot of single people use this site, but it is not all based on dating, that part is up to you as an individual. I actually hope your friend does not join POF because she seems like someone who does not respect boundaries and other peoples feelings.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Germs Posted: 10/25/2008 4:38:48 AM
I imagine it is partly to cover their back as a manufacturer. It is doubtful that anyone cleaning will cover every entire part of an object being cleaned and therefore some germs may still lurk that could cause illness. For them to put 100% they could easily get sued if someone fell ill after using it and germs were found on a surface cleaned with it, so with this 4% they are not taking responsibility and therefore are not liable. Also, new viruses/germs are growing and appearing all the time. It is possible that something that is not yet known of turns up and is mightier than the sword of demestos (or something like that). Or some germs just get mildly wounded, recover and continue being evil spawn of the devil on your work surface, making it a temporarly clean surface and not fully clean. Possibly?

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

First Date Ideas... Posted: 10/23/2008 11:57:26 AM
I went on a snow boarding lesson as a first date once. It was a great laugh and we got a take away pizza after and drank copious amounts of wine while watching pirates of the caribbean. Loved it.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

How are we supposed to be imaginative when you put nothing in your profile? Posted: 10/23/2008 8:39:34 AM
You can't win. I've had guys message me and tell me they went crossed eyed trying to read everything on my profile. I've shortened it now. I really don't think any people look far beyond the pictures, so really the content is only their to be skimmed by most. Look at it in a positive light. The ladies that don't respond to your pm. You just saved wasting your time reading all about them to then be ignored. At least the ones that do respond, you can then get to know more about.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Do people feel threatened by confidence, or are they attracted to it? Posted: 10/20/2008 12:26:28 AM
What about the scenario of condident people being attracted to confidence? I adore confident men and I would class myself as a confident person to. With regards to the forum and interpretting arrogants for confidence, personally I would not judge someone on one post. If I had noticed someone due to their post and maybe not appreciated what they had written, I would look to see what other things they had written to try and balance that out. I have to admit, sometimes I am attracted to someone who has said something off the wall, or controversial as it shows they are not scared to voice their opinion, even if it doesn't parallel with mine. There is also the point, if you stop posting what you think, because you are worried of other peoples opinion. Are you as confident as you thought you were?

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Single female parent v Single male parent Posted: 10/19/2008 12:50:35 PM
So the question is. Have I been over cautioius, or is it just easier for men to date than women when they have children? No,i would suggest not cautious enough in who your prepared to still contemplate starting a relationship with,based on his attitude to you and parenting. I would suggest that some women use being a parent as an excuse to not actually meet a man,but the fun of being persued is too tempting. For some its just an ego boost thats unfair becouse they have no intention of actually meeting the person there stringing along. That is a little bit of an assumption on your part Geordie Colin as removed him from my msn the same evening of the conversation. I found it very arrogant of him and the fact that he wasn't able to even try to understand my opinion, just meant we were not compatible. It was a no brainer for me to delete him.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Single female parent v Single male parent Posted: 10/18/2008 1:59:12 PM
I've never said that single parents should not date, what I was getting at was that the restrictions may be different. For instance, I would not bring a total or near stranger into my family home while my child/children were present. I don't know the person well enough to trust them and know that they are normal sane people who are only interested in me and not my child. For this reason I have a '3 month rule', which is basically, date away from the family home for the first 3 months and if after that I think it is doing well and going somewhere I would invite them into the family home, feeling that I had a fair knowledge of the person and trust. Do men have to worry about this in quite the same way? Then there is the dating away from home thing, which is easier said than done when they are still young. My Mum would have my son for me around once a month so I could socialise (I was at uni as well for 4 years so she would have him for me then to) and quite frankly once a month is not really enough to get to know someone.

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Single female parent v Single male parent Posted: 10/18/2008 1:22:11 PM
what are the differences between single female parents and single male parents? Is it easier or harder for male parents? I've just had a bit of a disagreement with a single male dad who says he would not put his life on hold for his daughter and still dates etc. He wanted to come round to my house this evening and I said no, but maybe in about 3 months once we have got to know each other. He basically said that I was wrong and shouldn't be doing this and I should not be bringing up my child because of my past (my mum was a single parent when I was 3). This got me thinking about the restrictions. His family have his daughter when ever he wants, is this usual for male single parents? I know it isn't the norm for me. If a male brings a woman into his life that is not right or even goes a bit weird while at the home, is it easier for a man to move them on than it is for a woman? I would be very worried bringing an unknown into my house and if anything did happen, I'd not be confident that I could get them to leave. So the question is. Have I been over cautioius, or is it just easier for men to date than women when they have children?

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

Should teachers who have relationships with 6th formers be prosecuted or not.. Posted: 10/10/2008 2:06:56 PM
I agree that it should be treated as professional misconduct and would have a knock on affect on their work, but really should not have anything to do with the sexual offenders register (if the child is 16 or over).

Bootielicious

Joined: 9/10/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

First cousin unions and birth defects .. Posted: 10/10/2008 12:10:23 PM
I had a hugeeeee crush on one of my first cousins as a youngster and yes it felt very wrong. I was way too shy to say anything and I know the family would not have approved had I persued it so also left well alone. He however has not grown to be a munter and is still rather good looking.

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