Have all the really older guys given up? chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: Have all the really older guys given up?

candylily765

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 186 (view)

Have all the really older guys given up? Posted: 6/27/2009 7:24:54 PM
My dad died 4 years ago and although my mom wasn't looking for anyone, someone found her. He said he was almost afraid to ask my mom out because he didn't think she would be interested, but he decided to risk it anyway. She was scared at first when it started getting serious because she started feeling emotions she hadn't expected to ever feel again and she felt a little guilty about it. I told her I'm sure my dad wouldn't want her to be alone if there was someone who cared about her and would be good to her. My family has known the gentleman and his late wife most of our lives. Mom and her friend are both around 70. They've been dating for several months now and it doesn't appear to be slowing down any. I don't know if internet dating works for people in their 70's and older, but evidently knowing someone for years and liking them as a person still works just fine.

candylily765

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

Seeing someone in public, how would you react? Posted: 12/23/2008 4:14:15 PM
Strangers smile and say hi to me all the time and I say hi back. What's the big deal? I'm so used to people coming up to me asking if I'm a (my maiden name) that I pretty much assume that nearly everyone around here either knows me or they know someone in my family that I just ask them which one of us they know. Evidently we all look alike, even my brothers. As far as recognising me from this site, several guys have seen me where I work and they usually email me later. I probably wouldn't appreciate them blurting out in front of everyone at work that they've seen my pic on this site, but there's nothing wrong with saying hi. The wierdest thing that happened to me about recognising someone from this site was when my sister walked in at my mom's house on Thanksgiving Day this year with a guy from a neighboring state who had talked to me online and on the phone a few times several years ago. We both recognised each other instantly. I hadn't even heard she was dating someone different so I was pretty surprised. I did blurt out in front of the rest of the family that I knew him, so I guess I wouldn't really have a right to get too upset if someone did that to me. He said he had figured out that I was her sister before he even saw me in person because of the things she had told him about me so he had already told her he knew me from here.

candylily765

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 288 (view)

Proper ladies don`t go out alone! Posted: 12/19/2008 7:20:17 PM
I go all kinds of places alone whenever I feel like it. I always have. I join classes without knowing anyone beforehand. I eat out alone if I feel like it. I go to concerts and art fairs and craft shows alone. I go to POF events alone even though they're at bars and I have to drive an hour or two to get to them. I'm pretty fearless for the most part, but I don't and won't go to a bar alone ever again because of the experiences I had one night when I went to one of the regular local bars alone because my friends all had other plans. It was a long time ago, but the things that happened to me that night could be made into a movie for people who like thrillers that just keep getting more and more bizarre with each new scene. I won't go into details about what happened that night, but I'm no longer tempted to try to cure my boredom by going to a bar by myself. I realize I'm older so maybe it would be slightly safer now, but I don't think I'll risk it. The last thing I want to do is spend my time trying to convince guys who are drinking and feeling the effects of it that I'm just there for the great food and atmosphere. Sometimes the guys who aren't drinking at all and pretend they're trying to protect you are the ones who are most dangerous.

candylily765

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 122 (view)

Single for longer than you expected?sfthnds Posted: 12/17/2008 3:34:36 PM
No, I'm not alone longer than I thought I would be because when I left my husband, I was fairly sure I never wanted to be seriously involved again. It's surprising to me that I've started to feel a little envious when I see couples out shopping and doing things together. I'm not really sure I have anything to offer anyone at this point in my life, but at least the desire is there now. I know that if all I wanted was a warm body, I could find that easily enough, but I want much more than that. I would never be with anyone just to keep from being alone, but it would be nice to actually experience what a healthy romantic relationship feels like at least once in my life.

candylily765

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 1387 (view)

Calling all 40-60Something Males? Posted: 12/17/2008 2:07:36 PM
it proably wouldn't even come up if it were not for dating sites. Exactly. We don't walk around with our ages displayed on name tags or stamped on our foreheads in real life. Obviously, we can tell by looking whether a person is somewhat close to our own age or not, but we can't tell by looking that a person is a few years older or younger than we are. I have and have had quite a few jobs over the last 20 years where I have to verify ID which means I look at lots of driver's licenses. Of course, the customers or clients don't get to see my ID so they don't know my exact age unless they know me personally. Most men think I'm younger than they are when in fact I'm older and I know that because many will joke about how old they are and also may make comments about when I'm as old as they are. I have to laugh to myself. I would never lie about my age but it really isn't an issue in normal everyday life. If people assume I'm a little younger than I am it's not because I'm trying to fool them. I don't even color my hair. Our attractions are based on much more than age but age definitely matters to me because I'm not interested in dating guys young enough to be my son or old enough to be my dad. I really prefer for a guy to be older than me but many that I've dated have been younger. As long as I don't look like their mama standing next to them, it really doesn't matter to me or to them. There's only been one instance in my entire online experience where a guy mentioned my age at all in a negative way. I wrote him off as an idiot.

candylily765

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 236 (view)

approaching women in public Posted: 11/14/2008 4:34:40 AM
I've never carried a little basket either. I procrastinate and don't shop until my cupboard is bare. I finally went yesterday on my lunch hour because all I had left was 1 Hamburger Helper Microwave Single. I guess I could have waited until today.

candylily765

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 271 (view)

Do women need to work at it harder after 45? Posted: 11/13/2008 7:56:16 PM
I tried out one of those free online makeover sites after someone posted something about one the other day. I don't know if I found the site she was talking about or not, but I pulled all my hair back last night and took a pic with my webcam so I could try on all the different looks. I decided I really liked how I look with bright blue, assymetrically cut, short spiked hair. I wonder how much work it would be to color my hair blue and keep it cut like that??? The only thing I do now that I didn't do all my life is use face cream and body lotions. I've always exercised and dieted, but it was easier to stay motivated when I was younger so I probably don't work as hard now as I used to. It doesn't seem worth the effort.

candylily765

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 225 (view)

approaching women in public Posted: 11/13/2008 7:18:21 PM
If you are reasonably clean and presentable,appear to be well cared for, seem to have a lick of sense, and give the impression of being capable of acting respectable in civilized places... WE ASSUME YOU ARE ALREADY TAKEN! I'm guilty of nearly always making that assumption too but it seems it's usually true with most guys I see out shopping. A couple weeks ago, a really attractive guy walked up to me and started talking about the space heaters when I was looking at them and then his very pretty wife came around the corner to see what we were talking about. But most of the guys I've gone out with that I've met online have been reasonably clean and presentable,appear to be well cared for, seem to have a lick of sense, and give the impression of being capable of acting respectable in civilized places I've often thought that most women probably wouldn't imagine they're single either when they're out shopping. The only thing wrong with many of the guys I've met is they live too far away.

candylily765

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 166 (view)

approaching women in public Posted: 11/11/2008 9:20:42 AM
No I don't agree that there's anything wrong with guys who are self-confident enough to approach women in public. I'm attracted to men who know what they want and go for it. There are some who approach that I'm not the least bit interested in going out with but there are others I might be, but if I've never seen them before and know nothing about them, I have to say no at that point. It doesn't mean I wouldn't go out with them if they gave me a way to find out more about them first. I agree that married guys are the friendliest though. They're just having a pleasant conversation with someone and they're not risking a rejection so they're relaxed about it.

candylily765

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 103 (view)

approaching women in public Posted: 11/9/2008 10:03:21 AM
Due to an old injury, one of my eyebrows doesn't raise as far as the other one. So apparently I'm sending mixed messages? I always thought it was really cool when Spock did that. I tried and tried but I just couldn't raise only one eyebrow. WHY are men so reluctant to flirt with or approach a woman? Go back and read some of the responses and you'll find out. I didn't take the original post as just running around trying to pick up any random woman. I thought he wanted tips on what to do next when there's a particular woman that's noticing him also. I don't think I've actually gone out with anyone who's asked me out in public but I'm sure not offended by it. The reason I've never agreed to it is because I'm not ready for a yes or no on-the spot answer when I don't know anything about the person. On the other hand, a guy was on the right track one day when he talked to me long enough to find out I hiked with the hiking club and then asked when and where. He was only visiting the town I was living in but said he was going to move there. Although I turned down his offer of dinner, I would have been happy to see him on the hiking trail so that we could have gotten to know each other a little better in that setting. Anything that's not quite a date but rather lets the other person know where you could very likely run into each other again would work for me and maybe it would work for other women too???

candylily765

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 72 (view)

approaching women in public Posted: 11/8/2008 8:53:44 AM
Kerbaol, Sorry the eybrow thing didn't work out for you I think it's a very subtle thing that people do pretty much unconsciously and it's probably just one of many cues that say a person is approachable. I come from a very friendly family. My dad never met a stranger and my mom seemed to get friendlier the older she got. I remember as a teenager I got irritated with her and asked her why she smiled all the time. I have to laugh now realizing I ended up being the same way. It makes life a little more pleasant. It has nothing to do with dating or romance since it doesn't matter if it's a woman or a man or whether the person is young or old or whether they're good-looking or not. I did explain to my son that beautiful young girls have to put on the b**ch shield because they get hit on way too much and it gets overwhelming when you don't know how to deal with all the attention and you don't particularly want it all the time. I had to learn not to even smile at a guy unless I wanted him knocking at my door thinking I would let him in. (This is a small town, guys could find out where I lived.) I've often read the comments written by women my age who are very attractive griping that men only want beautiful young skinny women. I've looked at their pictures and can't imagine they would be ignored. I've never even had any reason to think men aren't interested in women my age because that hasn't been my experience. I know I'm not any more attractive than many others so it has to be something else and I'm thinking my son was probably right. For the ones who don't want to be approached, I hope people respect your wishes and leave you alone. Even I'm smart enough to stay away from people who get hostile when I say hi.

candylily765

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 57 (view)

approaching women in public Posted: 11/7/2008 4:12:28 PM
My son was talking about how hard it is to approach most girls because they have on their b**ch shield". He said so many women, especially the pretty ones, look like they're mad about something all the time or their expressions convey the message that they would be rude to anyone who dared approach them. Since he also has a somewhat unapproachable look about him too, he was finding it a little difficult to meet girls when he was available and looking. He commented that the reason so many people come up and talk to me is because I usually look like I'm in a good mood. He said the sales clerks (both men and women of all ages) were always friendlier and more helpful when I was with him so if he wanted more personalized attention when buying something, he came and got me to go shopping with him. I was reading since then that when a person raises their eyebrows when they look at someone, it's a sign of friendliness and other people pick up the subtle cue and respond accordingly. I always wondered why most people smile and say hi to me when I'm just walking through the grocery store and happen to look at them. I could never figure it out, but I do have little lines on my forehead where I raise my eyebrows all the time. Maybe if someone wants to approach someone without fearing they'll be sorry they did, they should look for little body language cues like that and if someone wants to be more approachable they should make sure they're body language isn't saying "stay away" unless that's what they want it to say.

candylily765

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

richmond indiana partys related question Posted: 11/6/2008 6:08:08 PM
I'm working 2 jobs so I would never be able to cohost but it would be great to be able to go to an event where I didn't have to drive 2 hours or more to get to. I hope you're able to get something together.

candylily765

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

approaching women in public Posted: 11/5/2008 3:42:07 PM
I agree with texasbaby that I would never assume a guy was flirting with me just because he asked where something was or asked for my opinion about something. A guy has to be much more direct than that for me to think anything of it. It seems that most guys who are already taken are still very friendly so it doesn't mean a thing other than they're friendly guys and feeling sociable at the time. I've noticed that if there's more than a brief conversation between two people who are making small talk or even flirting slightly, if either person is already involved, then he or she will make a reference to the person they're involved with. If you start talking to a woman and she's smiling and maintaining eye contact and not trying to end the conversation, you should talk to her long enough to see if she brings up a husband or boyfriend and if she doesn't, just come straight out and ask her out. It's the only way I would get the message. I would just like to add before this thread gets moved for not being specific to people over 45, I think most of us would agree that going up to a stranger with the possible intent of asking them out is very different for older people than it is for younger people. When I was younger, guys asked me out all the time with seemingly no hesitation whatsoever whether it was in a mall or after knocking on my door to try to sell me something . They just assumed I was single and I assumed they were too. When you're older, it would be silly to assume such a thing. In the area I live in, it would be ridiculously optimistic for me to even hope that any attractive guy smiling and talking to me is actually available.

candylily765

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 66 (view)

POF Party in Franklin on November 8, 2008! Posted: 11/2/2008 8:13:10 AM
Doors open at 8:30 to close I wouldn't be able to get there until around 11 after driving an hour after work. What time does it close?

candylily765

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 428 (view)

Indy's Southside --COSTUME PARTY -- November 1,2008 -- 7PM til close -- at CLANCEYS PUB Posted: 10/31/2008 5:02:06 PM
Hi JustMissingU, I've gone to every event alone and I'm sure it would be more fun to have a friend to go with me, but there are always a few people who talk to me (and I'm always so glad when they do.). I would love to go to this event too and I even have bright orange tights to wear, but I have to work until 10 so it would be really late by the time I got there. I'm feeling so sorry for myself because I'll miss it. I love Halloween and having an excuse to wear things I would never wear any other time.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 48 (view)

worse now or more honest? Posted: 10/24/2008 4:35:36 PM
Looking at life as the "grass being greener" When someone with kids still at home talks to me about being unhappy in their marriage, I always ask why they're unhappy. If they basically have a decent marriage but have possibly fallen into the grass is greener mindset, I always discuss with them just how hard it really is to find someone who will not only love them but who will also love their kids and treat them well. I think when you're younger, you don't always appreciate how few and far between the good ones really are. Sometimes just talking to someone about all the good things in their marriages and the life they've created together helps them look at things more positively and also more realistically. I've also pointed out how an infatuation with someone you don't live with (when that's been an issue) is based on fantasy and that once you're living together, the fantasy is over and all the real life problems are still there to be dealt with. I've been told a few times that the conversation helped and they got their heads back on straight and they're still together and much happier. Of course, someone determined to leave no matter what, isn't going to seek out someone to talk to before they've reached the point of no return. Of course I would never try to discourage anyone from getting a divorce if there's abuse of any kind or if one person is totally self-centered and neglectful and unwilling to change. I also don't get too concerned if there aren't any kids involved, but I think older people should take the time to help younger people understand the permanent consequences of their actions when they talk to us about things we know a little bit about either from our own experiences or our observations. We are supposed to be a little bit older and wiser.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Have you been caught in a long term email/phone relationship that didn't go where you thought? Posted: 10/22/2008 5:34:37 PM
I've talked for months and even years with guys who lived too far away to easily meet although we always agreed that until there's a face-to-face meeting it's only our own romantic projections instead of a relationship. Some I eventually met and ended up dating for quite a while and that worked until one of us wanted more than a LDR. Others I've never met but would still love to if it worked out that way. I view them as enjoyable friendships with the possibility of romance if we ever get to meet in person and are lucky enough to be strongly attracted to each other. With guys who live within an hour or two's drive, I may talk to them off and on for as long as they want to talk to me, but I won't spend hours on the phone when we could just as easily get in our cars and meet. If someone who lives fairly close cancels more than once before meeting, I start wondering if they're already involved or if they look nothing like their pictures and I lose interest very quickly.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 40 (view)

worse now or more honest? Posted: 10/22/2008 4:18:43 PM
We've had many deaths in my dad's family over the last couple years. All of a sudden most of our mothers are now widows after having been married 50 years or so. What shocked my cousins and me was that although we didn't think their marriages were all that great, our mothers don't see it that way at all. Our perceptions of their marriages weren't the same as theirs. They say they were married to the men they loved and all the problems and arguments were just a small part of the overall relationships they had with our dads. Maybe a lot of long-time marriages are like that. I don't think there was an expectation of perfection but there was an expectation of loyalty and commitment to the family. I don't think our generation took our marriage vows as seriously and we knew we could easily get divorced if we didn't like how things were going. Some of us married people we shouldn't have married simply because we knew we could easily leave if we became unhappy. Sometimes we married with every intention of making it last but found that our partner didn't have the same commitment. No one can make a marriage work by themselves and if both people don't view it as an "until death do you part" thing then it's probably not going to last.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 1190 (view)

Calling all 40-60Something Males? Posted: 10/13/2008 10:07:39 AM
Geez, what is it with the skinny blonde comments? A lady I'm working with is a very attractive 54-yr old and she just got engaged to a guy about our age. She has long white hair down to her waist and she has a great body. I'm assuming she used to be a brunette. Another co-worker my age dates all the time too. She's tall and average weight with short brown hair and she wears glasses. I like her a lot but she's not a sex kitten by any means. At my last job, one of my friends several years older than I am got married to a 39-yr old guy and it was her boyfriend's idea. She was unsure whether she wanted to get married again or not. She was a cute brunette with a very outgoing flirtatious personality. She had great legs but according to her measurements, she was nearly straight up and down because of her belly. Strangely she didn't look shapeless and evidently guys didn't care that she had too much fat around the middle. Before meeting the one she married, she was dating non-stop. Then there was the 72-yr old lady I hiked with who got married to the 74-yr old hiker. In her case, she was a very attractive skinny blonde thanks to hair coloring. My grandmother got remarried in her 80's although she said it was a mistake. She said he just wanted someone to cook for him and make him comfortable. She was going to divorce him but he died before she had to. My mother is 68 and my dad died 3 years ago. She has short curly white hair and no longer has the fantastic body she had when my dad first saw her when she was a teenager, but she has the most wonderful smile and the sweetest personality. She's also very talented and full of energy. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if she gets married again some day if she finds someone she wants to be with. I hope she does. As a former skinny little blonde with a tiny little waist and lots of curves, yes it's true that when you look like that, guys fall all over themselves around you. Guys ask you out wherever you go. Some get obsessed with you even though you barely know who they are. It wasn't always fun. I got too much attention and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt like I was walking around with a neon sign screaming SEX SEX SEX. It's not exactly fun to have to deal with guys of all ages hitting on you constantly and embarassing you even when you're with your kids. I used to wish I could be invisible just so I could go out and do things without men staring and women giving me dirty looks. I'm glad I no longer have to deal with that extreme amount of attention now. It's probably one reason I refuse to color my hair. It's why I won't starve myself to lose a few pounds. Believe me, young skinny little blondes, sexy brunettes, and gorgeous redheads have their own set of problems to deal with, although not being able to find a man isn't one of them. Finding a guy who actually cares about who you are as a person and who will take the time to talk to you and get to know you instead of spending all his time and effort trying to get you undressed is the problem.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 1169 (view)

Calling all 40-60Something Males? Posted: 10/12/2008 9:13:21 AM
you also failed to mention the almost 67,700+ views! Maybe it's gotten so many views because so many people evidently believe it and if it really were true, then it would be extremely depressing for nearly everyone over 40. It would be depressing for all older women since it means that we should expect to be alone for the rest of our lives no matter what kind of person we are or how healthy we try to stay since we can't be young again no matter what we do. It means that men are just "settling" when they ask us out and it means they're actually lying to both themselves and to us when they date and even marry women their own age. I'm not a man so I don't know if it's true that all men, regardless of how old they are themselves, want only young women. Men that state that it's true use the evolutionary argument that it's just the way they're programmed and they can't fight it. If that's true, then that would be very depressing for most men because there obviously aren't enough pretty young women to go around and even less who are willing to date men old enough to be their dads. All older women were once young and we know how grossed out most of us were when "old" guys flirted with us. Nothing has changed. I work with lots of young women and they act the same way we did when middle-aged men flirt with them. They immediately tell everyone and start making faces and doing all the Yucck's and Ooooooh's just like we did. I believe people are much more complex than that. We each have our own preferences and we learn from past experiences. I don't think that the majority of men are complete idiots who are controlled by the need to procreate with as many young women they can until they're dead. When a guy my age asks me out, I assume it's because he wants to and not because he can't get a 20 year old and if I'm interested I say yes, not because I have no other options, but because I want to.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 101 (view)

Why is it okay for women to date more than one guy ? Posted: 10/6/2008 5:49:18 PM
If I go out with a guy I've been talking to, I want him to go ahead and meet anyone else he's interested in meeting while everything is still very casual between us. If he meets someone else and prefers her over me, then it wouldn't have worked anyway and we might as well find that out sooner rather than later. People online are only fantasies until we actually meet in person. I talk to more than one person and I assume most men do the same. I know that I'm willing to commit to one person if I meet the right one and I also know I won't continue to see anyone that I know I could never be seriously interested in so I'm not using anyone. I've seen women at POF events more or less lasso a guy to make sure he doesn't try to talk to anyone else. I assume the guys go along with it thinking they have a "sure" thing but it doesn't stop them from emailing other women after the events. I want someone to be with me because he wants to be with me, not because I'm trying to corral him. I agree, Mizz Demeanor I don't date "anything in pants" either. Geez guys, give us a little credit for having a few standards and take it as a compliment when a woman is interested enough to want to go out with you. I've turned down way more dates than I've ever agreed to.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Is this happening to anyone else or is it just me being too independent? Posted: 10/5/2008 9:38:02 AM
I wouldn't have survived emotionally the last several years without some of the long-distance friendships I've made with people I met online. Most of them I've never met and probably never will, but we've talked online and on the phone for hours. I don't think I could have been so open with people in real life and I don't think it would be good for a new romantic relationship to have the same kinds of discussions I've had with my long-distance friends. I'm thankful they were there when I needed them and hopefully I was there for them too. We've even talked about some of our dating experiences and disappointments. Since we hadn't met, there was no jealousy or possessiveness because we each understood that we could meet someone in real life and that our relationship would probably end and some did end eventually. If someone writes to you that you think you would like in real life then talk to them even if they live hundreds of miles away. Long-distance friends are great to share everything with and you can be each other's therapist. You also don't have to worry about it spilling into your everyday life with other people knowing more than you want them to know because someone tells someone else who wants to gossip about you. I tried going to a professional therapist a few times but after telling her about my problems, she said I was probably handling everything as well as anyone could so I can't say she was all that helpful since she had no advice other than to tell me to keep doing what I was already doing. I had also tried talking to a professional when I was still married and didn't find him to be all that helpful either. The other thing that helps me is to stay very physically active and I stick with it better when I'm around other people. My exercise and dance classes and hiking group were very therapeutic for me when I moved to a new town after I left my husband. I moved back to my hometown after my husband died and I'm finding it much harder to fight depression because there aren't any groups to join here. I'm very independent but I still need other people to talk to, but I don't want to keep talking about my problems with people I see all the time. Make friends online. They're great.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful? Posted: 10/4/2008 7:56:03 AM
When I was a teenager, my friend's parents divorced. Her dad had been secretly seeing another woman for most of the marriage and when the other woman got pregnant, he finally told his wife and married the other woman. My friend's mother was a very pretty and sweet lady and she had no shortage of men wanting to go out with her after the divorce. She dated guys her own age, one guy quite a bit older, and one who was barely older than my friend and me who was extremely handsome. She married him. The marriage actually lasted much longer than most people thought it would, but he eventually did the predictable thing and left her after she financed a new business for him. I don't think she dated again. She got sick several years ago and asked the doctors to let her die because she didn't want to be a burden on her daughters. I know there's no guarantee that any relationship will last and that people die at all ages, but some things are much easier to predict than others. It was no surprise that she had to go through another divorce again when the young good-looking guy got tired of being married to a woman old enough to be his mother. I don't know which divorce hurt her the most. I'm sure she was hurt both times, but her life probably would have turned out better if she had chosen one of the guys her own age so that maybe she wouldn't have gotten her heart broken again before she died.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

mating habits of the sexes Posted: 10/4/2008 7:06:36 AM
I've always had enlarged pupils and I've never taken drugs or even smoked. The problem with large pupils is that in every single picture with a flash camera you have red eye. It's really embarassing when they post them on here after you've gone to an event and you're the demonic looking person with the red eyes.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

Why Are Non-American Actresses Over 40 Allowed To Be Sexy? Posted: 9/27/2008 10:59:53 AM
I used to watch BBC and was amazed that the actresses were very ordinary women. There were very few beauties and many were also older and some were heavier. I thought it was great that it didn't seem to be a requirement that women had to be perfect. They were cast in every type of role so some played ordinary married women who had husbands who loved them and some were single and happily dating. Their place on the attractiveness scale seemed to be totally irrelevant. I don't know if British tv is still so great, but I remember thinking then that it was too bad we didn't have more realistic standards in the USA. I don't think there's an age limit on attractiveness. I work with a very attractive woman who is 84 and I believe she could go out with just about any guy in his 60's or above if she wanted to. The reason she's so cute and popular is because she smiles all the time and is full of life. She's friendly and she jokes around. Men of all ages are always hugging her and teasing her. I hiked with another woman who was 72. I'm sure she could have dated men my age. She was attractive and appeared much younger because she was so active and she was also very intelligent and interesting to talk to. She married another member of the hiking club who was 74. They met each other at the hiking club. Once I met the mother of one of the guys I met online. She was in her 70's and she was one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen in my life. She seemed very sweet and I wasn't around her enough to know much about her but if I was stunned at her beauty, I don't think most men would be oblivious to it either. There is such a thing as natural beauty that comes from taking care of yourself and staying interested in life and other people and it shines through. It is a shame that Hollywood is so narrow-minded that they usually only show the definition of beauty as it pertains to the young and thin. There are so many more definitions.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 59 (view)

Ever use a spreadsheet? Posted: 9/27/2008 8:37:27 AM
I told a friend I was going to make a website called Match the**and have the guys profile on one page and his**picture on another and see who could get the most right I think that's a good idea. I ended up with a collection of unidentified body parts too. I had no idea who they belonged to so maybe I should have created a spreadsheet or something to remember them by except that I really didn't care. You've seen one, you've seen them all (most of the time). I don't give my personal email address out very often now so I no longer have that problem.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 58 (view)

Ever use a spreadsheet? Posted: 9/27/2008 8:22:56 AM
I always remember the few I'm strongly attracted to. It may take a little longer for everyone else to make an impression, but after a few emails I have no problem remembering them either. I've never used a spreadsheet and don't plan on starting. If I only talk a couple times with someone, there's no reason for me to try to remember them. If they're very interested in me, they'll keep writing until I give them my phone number. If I'm just one of many, they'll move on to someone else. Either way it works out.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 66 (view)

HELP - How is this done? Posted: 9/24/2008 6:54:02 PM
I agree with SueCat. You emailed him. He hasn't responded so why would you call? When a guy is interested, you don't have to chase after him. He's probably emailing and calling the next person he wants to meet. Even if he's just busy with other things and wants to see you again at some point, you're obviously not a priority and he evidently thinks you'll be sitting there waiting for him to get back with you. If you do end up dating regularly, that behavior probably won't change and it's doubtful you'll like it any better then.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

Does it really matter any more? Posted: 9/20/2008 1:21:47 PM
Dating sites like this work just fine. If you live in a small town it's pretty much the only option but you have to be willing to look outside your immediate area. I work part-time at a store that almost everyone shops at and nearly every attractive older man I've ever seen in there is already married or living with someone. Working there has made me much more aware of the fact that there really aren't that many older single people around. Seeing couples all the time has also made me feel a lot more alone. I'm very glad we have a truly free site to meet other people so that there's at least some chance of meeting guys I'm actually attracted to. If I got off the computer, I would never date since this is the only way I've met anyone over the last 6 years. My only other option would be to run the bars and I'm not the least bit interested in doing that. Maybe the advice to get off the computer would work if there were places to actually meet anyone else.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

Does it really matter any more? Posted: 9/20/2008 7:53:27 AM
do you get to the stage when it doesn't really bother you if you stay alone I was very lonely throughout a lot of my marriage because my husband ignored me so much in every way except to gripe when he didn't like something. It was so nice to have some peace and quiet when I left that I was very happy just to be alone. Since he usually picked fights and seldom slept with me, touched me, hugged me, kissed me, or told me I looked nice I was also starved for attention. I got online and I was having so much fun talking to so many guys all over the country and meeting quite a few of them that I was much less alone than I had been before. It was fun for quite a while. Just looking at profiles ,there doesn't seem to be any inspiration any more I finally got tired of meeting new people and became less willing to even talk to new guys. I didn't see much point in it since I hadn't met the one where there was an equal amount of enthusiasm on both sides. Occasionally it was me that wanted a more serious relationship, a few times it was the guy who wanted more from me. Far too often I met guys who I felt just wanted sex. I've met lots of men, many of them quite attractive, but now I'm wondering if I will ever find the one with whom there's an equal amount of interest and excitement for both of us. I think it's normal to lose interest when we can't seem to find what we're looking for. I'm starting to wonder if I really will stay alone forever and it does bother me now. I always seem to connect with the ones that live a 1000 miles away. Yes, that's the problem with online dating. On the other hand, 3 of my most serious relationships were with guys who lived several states away. I would try it again for the right person. I do draw the line when they live in Europe. The Italian and English guys seem to like me but I can't see that working.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

A Date Tonight Posted: 9/15/2008 6:23:42 PM
I never felt the need to date even when I was young. I have to at least think there might be a little mutual attraction before I agree to meet anyone. I also won't continue to see someone if I feel it won't work in the long run.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 237 (view)

Men and their Age Issue? Posted: 9/12/2008 10:52:56 AM
I can't say that anyone has ever completely represented themselves intentionally, although I really felt that one guy out of the dozens I've met probably lied about his age. Sometimes just seeing someone in person is a whole lot different than seeing a fuzzy pic or two even if it's recent.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 98 (view)

Would you take in your grandchildren??? Posted: 9/11/2008 9:37:47 AM
I would love to have both my kids, my kids' spouses and my grandchildren live with me if I could! I love the whole extended family system. But to answer OP, of course I would. You sound like me. I wouldn't want everyone living in the same house but I wish I were rich so that I could have a place big enough or with other houses on the land so that my sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, kids, grandkids, or mom could stay with me any time they wanted to for as long as they wanted to. I adore my family, every last one of them and I'm happiest when I'm around any of them. As to the original question: Of course I would raise my grandkids if I needed to, even if we had to live cramped up together where I'm living in now.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 217 (view)

Men and their Age Issue? Posted: 9/10/2008 11:09:13 AM
I don't know what to say to older women who believe men their own age don't want them. I haven't noticed that prejudice and I've worked with many other older women who have no problem attracting men either. I realize that men have to be physically attracted to a woman to want to go out with her, but a woman who enjoys life and is positive, who is friendly and easy to talk to is automatically more attractive than one who keeps men away with a negative attitude. I think the mistake that some women (of all ages) make is believing it's all about appearances and that's the only thing that matters. I think men want the same thing that most women want and that's someone who's reasonably attractive to them and who makes them feel good when they're around them.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 209 (view)

Men and their Age Issue? Posted: 9/9/2008 3:43:17 PM
I found the study that's been referenced and read it. It's called "The Gendered Double Standard of Aging in Marriage Markets." The study pertains to marriages that took place between 1970-1988 in the United States and didn't use data from all states because some states' reporting of marriages didn't have all the information the researchers wanted to look at. The researchers used the ages of the grooms and the ages of brides during those specific years in the states they looked at. There was nothing showing exact age differences in individual marriages and the age groups were by decade. Ages were categorized as below 29, 30-39, 40-49, 50-59, and over 60. The hypothesis of the study states: "In this paper, we explore the implications of the tendency of men (more than women) to evaluate potential spouses on beauty. Because the standard of beauty privileges youthful looks, judging women by looks creates a cultural “double standard of aging” that has been discussed by commentators outside of demography (Sontag 1979; Carpenter et al. 2006). The cultural ideal, if models in the media are any indication, is a woman who looks to be about 20 years of age. When men’s ideal woman is any fixed fairly young age, with the ideal not moving as the men themselves age, then the older a man is when he marries, the more relatively unattractive women his own age will look to him, and, to the extent that he is selecting based on looks, the more years younger than himself will be the partners that he would prefer." Admittedly, we have seen many statements by men in these forums which do say basically the same thing the researchers are using as the basis of their argument. But I don't believe that most men only see beauty in 20-yr olds (and never in older women) regardless of how old they themselves are. I also think it's possible that when men have daughters and granddaughters, it might make them look at very young women the same way most older women look at very young men, as very attractive but nothing more. I think it's a little insulting to men to state the only thing they care about in a potential spouse is her beauty. I also find the study flawed in the way it uses decades rather than actual ages so that if a guy 50 married a woman 49, the study didn't view it any differently than if he were 59 marrying someone 40, although I do understand how they came up with the mathematical age differences. What the study completely ignores is the possibility that many older women may not want to get married again and possibly more older men might so there's a higher percentage of older men getting married in comparison to women in their own age group, but just because a woman isn't married, it doesn't mean she's desperately searching for a man to marry her. I also feel that because the data is from 20-38 years ago, it makes this sampling old news which may or may not be true for today if it ever really was. Obviously there's a little truth to the assumptions in the study or there wouldn't be threads like this all over the "over 45" section. Our experiences are all different and statistics or general trends don't mean that much to any of us in our own individual lives. I do agree that women are judged on their looks much more than men are throughout their lives and it isn't exactly fun for either men or women to see themselves getting older, saggier, and more wrinkled. If it is in fact true, that men never adjust or expand their definitions of attractiveness in women, then getting older really would be a very sad and lonely experience for all of us.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

aging moustache Posted: 9/8/2008 12:29:48 PM
I love moustaches and I don't think any guy should dye their moustache or their hair, but of course others may disagree. I don't care what other people think I should do with my hair and a man that would care about his hair or moustache turning gray or silver or who worries about what other people think probably wouldn't appeal to me either. What ages people in real life is their attitude. As long as a person stays active and interested in life and other people, that person is never going to appear to age as quickly as others who rely on dyes and cosmetic surgery alone.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 65 (view)

Andropause... The Male Menopause... Posted: 9/3/2008 8:39:41 AM
Nick, I'm sure you know that some women have to have hysterectomies long before they're even close to being menopausal. I had to have one when I was in my early 30's and I was very upset because I wanted to have another baby. After I grieved about that for a little while, I thought it was the greatest thing in the world to no longer have periods, but since I still had both ovaries, my monthly mood swings stayed with me because my hormones still fluctuated just as they had always done. The last time I had a physical was Jan 2007 and the doctor said I still wasn't menopausal because evidently they can tell with blood tests. I do believe I started shortly after my physical because I began having hot flashes and night sweats although I still didn't turn into a crazy bch like I had heard some women do, but then when I think about it, my mother's personality didn't ever change either but she had also had a hysterectomy in her 30's. One of the reasons I hated to leave my husband in my late 40's was because I was really looking forward to turning into a bch because I had always been way too easygoing considering how horribly he acted all those years while drinking. I wouldn't want a personality change now because there's no one to get even with.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

Science proves it..we are stupid Posted: 9/1/2008 11:07:40 AM
I'm still smart enough to impress the teenage boys I work with. I do puzzles on my breaks. I'm currently doing a cryptogram book that a coworker gave me and several of the boys have sat down and asked me how I was figuring them out. I told them that sometimes I recognize the name of the author of a quote after I had a letter or two already. I explained that it's really easy to fill in the rest of the quote with all the letters you get just from the author's name because the rest falls into place. They didn't even recognize the names of the people being quoted so it made me realize that I figure them out so quickly because I've simply lived longer, read more, and have a little bit of knowledge about lots of things and I may not have recognized all those famous names of people throughout history at their ages either. On the other hand, I read much more as a kid than I do now, so maybe I would have figured them out even more quickly then, but I always preferred logic problems and crosswords and skipped over the crytograms.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

How Do You See Yourself In Your Dreams Posted: 8/29/2008 11:21:20 AM
My flying dreams started because of a nightmare I had had all my life. There were 3 men chasing me with knives down a narrow alley and I knew they were going to kill me but I didn't know why. I had had that same nightmare for as long as I could remember and I always woke up terrified before they caught me. One night years ago when my kids were still at home, I had my nightmare again, but this time I came to a dead end and there was no escape. I knew it was over, but the next thing I knew I was floating above a beautiful meadow with trees to the side and it was so peaceful. I never had my nightmare again, but I've flown in my dreams off and on since then. It seems that once you know you can do it, it's the most natural thing in the world to do. It's just disorienting when you wake up and realize you have to put your feet on the ground and walk to the bathroom.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

The One Posted: 8/29/2008 10:43:43 AM
is there really such a thing? when my kid told me i loved her unconditionally and that was how she got better, i disagreed. i told her i loved her conditionally and to not do that would be to not love. this world has way too many conditions and i would not be a good parent w/o letting her know what they were! I do love my kids and grandkids unconditionally and they know it. I used to have to tell my son that when he was little and would get mad at me and tell me he didn't love me when he got in trouble for something. I told him I loved him anyway and I always would whether he liked it or not. There is absolutely nothing in this world my kids could do to make me stop loving them. I might not love every single thing they do, but that has no affect on my love for them. I'm pretty sure I love my brothers and sisters unconditionally too, but maybe it's because I'm the oldest and I was always like the second mommy to them when we were kids. I'm not sure what you mean by the world having too many conditions. A loving family is supposed to be our safe haven away from the world. Romantic love is an entirely different kind of love and it is conditional on whether or not the other person loves you too and the way they treat you. Sometimes I see no reason to keep dating because I know that I've met at least a few guys that could have possibly been the "One" but who blew it and I'm just tired of meeting so many who are definitely not the "One".

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 130 (view)

sexless marriage Posted: 8/28/2008 5:32:17 AM
In my first marriage it was me who shut down sexually, but I think almost any woman would have. I went into marriage loving it but he wanted to have sex before we went to sleep, he woke me up during the middle of the night at least once to have it again, and we did it again the morning before we got up. I had no problem with that and when I first started having sex again after my divorce, I thought a guy didn't like me if we only had sex twice during the night. My problem was when he wanted to have sex every time he looked at me during the day too and I had a newborn baby plus worked full-time in a factory. I was tired. We worked opposite shifts so that helped, but sometimes he took off work and we had sex 5 or 6 times after I got home from work. I got paranoid to even lean over in front of him. Once we were getting ready to go somewhere and I had my long thick winter coat on and all I did was bend slightly to turn the tv off so of course that was enough for him and he had to have sex before we could leave. I didn't have time to build up any kind of desire by thinking about it when he wasn't around. I started wearing baggy clothes and not putting on any makeup at home, but that didn't help either. I went from one extreme to another in my marriages, but maybe one reason I was attracted to my second husband was because he actually talked to me and his mind wasn't on sex 100% of the time. Maybe if I ever get married again, I can be like Goldilocks and find someone who's just right.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 51 (view)

Dating - A Game At Our Age?? Posted: 8/27/2008 8:52:17 PM
first date is like going to a job interview I don't do interviews on dates. There's no game plan. I like to do something we hopefully both enjoy and see how the other person and I interact. I only ask questions that fit into the normal flow of conversation just like talking to any other person I meet. I read an answer in another thread about preparing for the question and answer part. It would annoy me if someone asked me a bunch of questions on a first date. I'll talk about something when I feel like it and I assume the other person will do the same. I don't think I act much differently on a date than I do going out with a friend, except that I've never wanted to kiss my friends good night.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 45 (view)

Old and new movies: How do the movies affect your ideas about love and romance? Posted: 8/27/2008 2:02:31 PM
I know it wasn't a movie and wasn't supposed to be romantic (until the last few episodes), but I loved the chemistry between Scully and Mulder in X-Files.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 188 (view)

Hot Tub and the First Date - would you? Posted: 8/27/2008 12:13:45 PM
No, there's no way I'm going to get into a hot tub with someone I just met, but it could be very romantic with someone I was already dating.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

The One Posted: 8/26/2008 11:16:40 PM
No, I don't think there is only one person for any of us. I also don't think that questioning whether they are the "one" or not, means they're not. It just means, we've made mistakes before and are more cautious and are less likely to be ruled by emotions. 13). Do you understand that the only person you can change is yourself? And even then, only to a limited degree? "Potential" is fiction-- it's as-is or nothing? I agree with this statement completely. You have to be able to accept each other "as is" at that moment, not what they used to be or what they think they could be again if they only had you to give them focus and motivation. 15). Have you purged the excuse "All relationship are work? from your lexicon? I know there are some people on here who say that their relationship with someone in their past was effortless, but I've never found anyone that matched me so perfectly that there were never any problems or disagreements. I read once that since there is no perfect person, then there's no way that 2 imperfect people can have a perfect relationship. I do think that if it's too much work, you're probably not right for each other.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Have a date---am nervous!! Posted: 8/26/2008 10:38:34 PM
If you have the kind of luck I've been having lately, he won't show up anyway. After that happened a time or two too many, I finally put on my profile under first date that it helps if both people show up. A guy within a fairly short driving distance wrote to me last week and said he couldn't believe anyone would stand me up. Guess what? He was all talk too. A guy that stood me up several months ago, had the nerve to send me a message on here tonight to tell me he thought I was a player and good luck. He stood ME up and hadn't talked to me since until tonight. Geez.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 75 (view)

How do men feel about women with silver hair? Posted: 8/25/2008 10:49:07 AM
I agree that sexual attraction is the reason men and women want to date, but fortunately none of us have to be sexually attractive to every single person of the opposite sex. Everyone has their own preferences anyway and although certain things can be changed about our appearances, and hair color is definitely one of those things, most things can't be changed. I see no reason for a person to change anything about themselves to try to attract someone else. If a person decides they want to change something about their appearance, they should do it for themselves and no one else, but even then they should question why they're doing it. For women especially, if we listen to the messages we're bombarded with continually from advertisers and the media, then we might as well hang it up anyway since we're told that only young women are sexy. Since this is the over 45 forum, none of us are ever going to look like we're 20 again no matter what we do. I want a man who is fine with his age and is comfortable being seen with a woman who's okay with hers too. I don't have to appeal to every guy out there and if I'm ever lucky enough to find the one who's attracted to me just like I am and who I'm also attracted to, I'll be very happy with that. If a guy my age isn't past that whole "instinctual" drive thing of wanting young fertile women, he's not the one for me anyway and I sure won't be the one for him. In the real world, there are all kinds of people who don't remotely resemble Hollywood's standards of beauty and they date and find love anyway even at our age and much older.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 66 (view)

How do men feel about women with silver hair? Posted: 8/24/2008 8:32:42 PM
I've gotten compliments by strangers on my hair all my life and it took ages before other people realized my hair was turning platinum because it blended in so well with my natural blonde. I still get compliments on my hair continually and probably more of them are from men than women. It seems that men's favorite place to come up to me to tell me how much they like my hair is when I'm in a gas station getting my fountain coke. There have only been two guys that told me thought I should color my hair so those guys were history, not my white hair. If they had a problem with my hair, that was their issue, not mine. It must not make me look all that old because people who don't know me always think my grandkids are my kids. The youngest ones don't bother to correct them, but my oldest granddaughter always does and always has. If you like your hair, there's no reason in the world to color it. From my own experiences and how guys react to my hair, I think Ren Man is the one in the minority in the real world.

candylily812

Joined: 9/19/2006

Msg: 538 (view)

Do men like it when women contact them first? Posted: 8/21/2008 8:04:15 PM
I have found when I pursue a man I get uncomfortable and even if i like him...I wont allow things to develop at what would be a natural rate. In other words he will have to work harder to prove to me he is really interested That's how I am too. If I feel like I've in any way become the pursuer then I immediately become a little embarassed about it and am way too aware of how the guy responds to me and am overly sensitive about the possibility he thinks I'm chasing after him until I no longer want to talk to him at all. There was a guy I thought was really cute who was going to the POF events in the area. I started my job about that time too though so I was hardly ever off on a Saturday so I just kept looking at the event signups and wishing I could go to one to see if his smile was really as great in person as it was in his pics. I finally got off early enough to go to an event. My cousin was supposed to go with me. She backed out at the last minute but I was so motivated to see him in person that I decided to drive the 60 miles and go by myself. I went and he wasn't there so I was bored and disappointed and had a couple drinks although I was nowhere close to being intoxicated. He finally walked in and he was even cuter in person. He kind of hollered hi at me when he walked in and saw me looking (staring?) at him. He was obviously very comfortable and knew a lot of people there and stopped and talked to quite a few. He finally came over to me and smiled and I have no idea what happened to me but all of a sudden I told him how he was even cuter than his pics and that the only reason I was even there was so that I could meet him. He stood there and grinned. I couldn't believe that I had said all that and blamed it on the drink or two that I had. He laughed and kept talking to me until I became more and more embarassed about how I had acted like a love-struck teenager so after he had promised to take me for a cycle ride, I left abruptly. He emailed me after the event and several times after that, but the cycle ride didn't materialize as quickly as I thought it would if he were really interested in me so I wrote to him and told him I felt I was bothering him and I knew all too well what it was like to have someone chasing after you when you weren't really interested but didn't want to be rude and that I didn't want to do that to him. I took him off my favorites list and took myself off his. He left the site within a couple days after that. I have no idea if he was interested in me or not, but I was so uncomfortable feeling that I had asked for a cycle ride which he hadn't delivered on yet that I couldn't even enjoy talking to him and it felt like rejection even when he was flirting with me but not setting up a definite date. I'm not used to losing my cool around guys when I first meet them and I'm not a flirt so I had no idea how to recover my poise that night and I imagine the only way anything could have happened between us after that is if he had turned the situation around very quickly and offered that ride as soon as possible instead of just writing and flirting a little bit.

Show ALL Forums