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 Author Thread: what would make you deviate from your 'type' ?
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 35 (view)
 
what would make you deviate from your 'type' ?
Posted: 9/15/2013 11:24:21 AM
forumreader:

Trustworthiness can come and go


I believe this would be the definition of untrustworthiness. A person's character will define their trustworthiness which I believe does not change once they have hardened their personality out of the quagmire of that murky period called adolescence.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 30 (view)
 
what would make you deviate from your 'type' ?
Posted: 9/15/2013 9:42:17 AM
Since my "type" boils down to just someone I can trust, I don't see any deviation possible for any serious relationship. There is a wide range of personality traits that can encompass a building of trust, but the ones I am most comfortable with would be someone close to the same degree on the extrovert-introvert scale, someone who is more curious than less, and someone who was on the same page when it comes to financial management.

That "chemistry" that people like to cite are simply your body's hormones playing games with your brain... which can be a VERY good thing, once a person has established that the object of desire is trustworthy. Unfortunately that takes a bit of time which it seems like most POFers don't care to bother with. So I guess that another personality attribute that I would need would be someone who is as cynical as I. I haven't been holding my breath waiting...

However, when encountering novel personality types that arouse my curiosity, then I see no reason to exclude any type from casual dating except something like serial killers.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 7/24/2013 8:58:14 PM
I've found that invisibility is something that can be very useful... but if one wants to be noticed, then simply dress or do something out of the ordinary, but know that you'll be branded an eccentric! (not that that is a bad thing either)

Ordinary pining for ordinary is so ... ordinary. One could as well be in camouflage.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Life is less and less worthwhile
Posted: 6/25/2013 9:48:55 AM
Life becomes more meaningless as your expectations of life grow beyond reason. Take a step back to reality and see what is reasonably possible for you and take a step in that direction. The steps that follow are decided on after each subsequent step.

Everyone gets a day older every 24 hours and eventually we start getting pains and problems we haven't encountered before. It is all part of the process that everyone goes through. While it is a bit comforting to whine about it once in a while, dwelling on it doens't help anyone... and tends to encourage friends to avoid you. I don't care much for people who call themselves optimists but there can be something learned from them in some cases.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 29 (view)
 
circular dating
Posted: 6/21/2013 6:18:45 PM
This is a great thread to illustrate the diversity people have in the definition of a date. It shows the minefield we enter while traversing the dating fields without the knowledge that some people will consider any date a form of commitment while others see a date as simply a chance to explore what another person's personality might be.

This stresses the importance of sharing their perception of common definitions that have a wide range of meanings within our society.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
What steps are you taking to manage/slow your aging?
Posted: 6/9/2013 2:49:49 PM
A glass of wine and a lot of stress seem to go well together right now. Aged port is a very good thing so why not an aged old man? One day at a time.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
What does it mean to be mature? Do we keep maturing the older we get?
Posted: 3/7/2013 4:02:24 PM
When a person find himself afloat in the river of life, the mature person will swim with the current to the shore while the brash one will believe they can overcome the current by flailing against the steady onslaught of time. Either choice may be the best for the person involved because it all depends on how one wants to live their life. However the brash ones tend to be removed from the gene pool more quickly.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 534 (view)
 
Men in their 60s
Posted: 3/7/2013 5:20:45 AM
How long should you wait? I defer to Paulo Coelho's standard of "Eleven Minutes"! And if you're reading it then you won't mind waiting a bit longer since you've got something interesting in your life to do at the time.

What this 61 year old is looking for is someone who can stimulate brain cells in ways that I can understand. I would prefer a warm body next to me for this, but I've found that there are plenty of groups in cyberspace that can satisfy my need for interesting concepts.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
What 'we' say, what 'we' hear?
Posted: 2/16/2013 9:23:00 PM

So, men, what do women say to you that you hear or interpret differently?....and....

Women, what do men say to you that you hear or interpret differently?


I don't grok this at all. How does anyone know that we are interpreting a communication differently from the speaker unless we constantly pester them for more clarification? Hardly the stuff of enjoyable repartee. Our social contract allows us to believe we are on the same page in communication unless there is some obvious conflict between verbal and visual communication.

Communication styles can be misinterpreted by people not familiar with them. The stereotypical female style of speaking of feelings can be easily answered in a masculine manner of direct action... which is exactly wrong... or so I've been told. But this is not really about misinterpretation of the speaker's words, but about what the reaction to it should be.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 631 (view)
 
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/12/2013 12:40:04 PM
A single internet identity wouldn't stop naive people from being taken advantage of, the only prevention is education of those naive people... and that is available for people who wish to be educated.

As for pictures, it is obvious that there is a percentage of images that are misleading or even completely counterfeit so any contact should be vetted anyway. The reason why people decide to forego posting a pic would need to be asked of the individual in order to properly categorize them. For myself, I find it much more pleasant to respond to people who have read my profile and find something interesting in it rather than having a generally inaccurate impression of me from a picture. Any contact I make will generally include a pic so I don't see any purpose of posting pics for general perusal. I live in a rural area so everyone can get any relevant marriage details by asking a couple people... sometimes it seems like everyone is someone's second or third cousin twice removed here.

For urban areas I would think it would be a simple matter to check public county records. Life is never simple and wishing won't make it so.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
health problems ignored-causing marital problems
Posted: 1/8/2013 6:52:23 AM

Those that value what they have tend to take better care of it.

Exactly right... and for those that don't value their life, they try to add whatever value
they can to it... whether it is comfort food or emotional comfort. Different people pick
different comfort.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 235 (view)
 
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/31/2012 11:00:52 AM
I could be wrong Mae, but wasn't that called love at first smite?

There's lots of nice people around IRL, but it is a matter of coordinating what little free time we have available.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 164 (view)
 
Do successful men want higher maintenance women?
Posted: 12/12/2012 4:40:57 AM

why would i want to meet a woman who seems like she didnt care what she looked like?

I don't know about you, but for me that signifies that she has enough self-confidence to face anything life throws at her... gotta love that in a woman.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 186 (view)
 
Is 61 the cut-off age for having any luck on POF?
Posted: 12/8/2012 9:50:58 PM
Help!! I've fallen over my 61st birthday and I can't get back!
If a person is looking for someone close to their own age, then I don't feel there is any difference in any decade. It may make a positive difference if a person has gained a little knowledge of human nature on their way to 61 that they didn't know earlier.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 85 (view)
 
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/28/2012 5:30:37 AM
This friendship thing is probably less a divide between men and women than it is between personality types. Some people need objectification to enjoy unbridled sexual passion while others opt for less passion and more depth. Another thing learned as one gets older... it seems the more I learn, the less I know.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/27/2012 9:00:59 PM
I think I am getting more flexible in some ways, but less in ways that I have learned I would rather avoid. It is not a matter of being harder to please, it is a realization that a person cannot compromise his or her basic mores just for the sake of pleasing a potential friend.

I have gotten slower as a consequence of learning that information tends to filter through at its own leisurely pace... and I have as much time as I wish to give myself.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 61 (view)
 
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/27/2011 6:56:27 PM
The world seems to be moving much faster as I get older, and not having a picture posted tends to slow down the process of getting to know someone, which I think gives a better feel for who the person really is. People with little patience are most welcome to go elsewhere because they would not be happy with a plodder like me. After sufficient time to be comfortable with the person via writing and/or phone, I agree pics and names should be exchanged before meeting. Surprises in these circumstances are never a good idea.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 166 (view)
 
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 8/28/2011 8:09:52 AM
That's got to be the time dilation effect... it just seems like six months with no water! ;>)

FWB's never worked out with me... maybe I just haven't encountered the right friend yet.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Nude beaches- thoughts and experiences
Posted: 7/11/2011 7:43:23 PM

nude beaches (and naturists, in general) is about a bunch of people getting naked to convice themselves and each other that being naked is wonderful by pretending no one is really naked.


People's perceptions can be skewed by many things and each one is appropriate for that individual. But I believe the perception shared by most naturists would be that they are accepting nudity as the natural condition and clothed as the unnatural one which can lead to other unnatural behavior such as leering and oogling. When everyone has no clothes on, it is more difficult to objectify others since your own truth is hanging out for all to see as well.

I agree that naturism is not for everyone since there are many people who need that pyschological distance from the fact that we are all nude under our clothes. Nudists simply embrace that reality.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 1119 (view)
 
oral sex and swallowing cum and why they wont do it
Posted: 7/11/2011 7:18:52 PM

I don't swallow a man's spit

I guess that would rule out french kissing... and saliva is an important aide to digestion so it is certainly made to be eaten... though usually your own saliva would be more than enough.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Soul mate found but there is a problem
Posted: 7/3/2011 6:04:39 AM

So what you all think should i go chasing her at the other towns bars?


Definitely! If you keep buying her drinks and in an alcoholic stupor you will have your best chance of winning this precious prize.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Enjoy being with a girl but
Posted: 6/26/2011 7:31:48 PM
I've found that being honest and open with friends does wonders for preventing misunderstandings. It may not get you where you want to be, but it will tell you where you are.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 911 (view)
 
Is oral sex cheating?
Posted: 5/29/2011 11:06:02 AM
I haven't read through all of this thread, but I thought I would point out that the key word is cheating, which would imply breaking agreed upon rules. Therefore, if you do anything that you know your SO would not agree to, then you are cheating. A simple test is if you can tell your SO the next morning and they are all right with it.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 83 (view)
 
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 5/20/2011 8:06:35 PM

there is no obligation to protect your friends from making bad decisions in relationships.

Whether in relationships or in any aspect of life, I think I have a different concept of friendship than you do. I feel there is a mutual commitment between me and my friends to watch out for each other. That does not mean stopping the person, it only means making sure they are fully aware of all the consequences they are getting into, especially if I think they are unaware of some important aspect.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
need advice
Posted: 5/20/2011 6:48:40 PM
Be honest and say both, the distance isn't working and I met someone new nearby. Let him choose which hurts less.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 81 (view)
 
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 5/20/2011 6:05:49 PM
Just thought I'd weigh in here about a point no one has brought up yet. I noticed that the OP doesn't really clue us in about how close of a friend she is to the woman. If she was a very close long-time friend, I would expect that she should know what her friend's expectations were, regardless if they were reasonable or not, and she would have an obligation to protect her friend.

A better method would have been to simply ask the friend about her suspicions before setting the sting, then the friend could have nixed the idea or been completely on board with it. It would have given her time to have a talk with him about expectations beforehand so there would have been at least some agreement to breech.

I see this more as a misguided attempt by a friend to protect another friend than any serious intrusion in another's business. Yes, they should lighten up, but you feel what you feel, and no amount of talk will change that.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 112 (view)
 
ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/25/2011 6:07:07 AM

So... to temper all of this... one has to have a positive "attitude" AND convey such an attitude to those on the dating site.


How about tempering life with an acceptance of reality instead? To me there is nothing more annoying than a person constantly sharing only positive views... it is like they have lost half of reality. I would want someone who can deal realistically with the good and the bad in life... and if that is a bad attitude, so be it.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 38 (view)
 
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 7:11:41 PM
He sounds like a great guy except I suspect that he is the type that wants to verbalize anything that comes to mind, not just thoughts about attractive women. That type can be interesting to occasionally hang out with, but the people I've known without verbal filters grew tiresome very quickly.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 60 (view)
 
I don't want any commitment in the coming 2 years.
Posted: 3/24/2011 6:46:17 PM

What bothers me about this is that the rest of us have to deal with men who are afraid to be honest because they might get called names for it.

Other than bigots, I have never known an honest person who was afraid of being honest with other people for fear of being called names. People who lie will do so to avoid taking blame, to manipulate people to get what they want, to avoid confrontation, and to avoid hurting other people's feelings. I think people in the last two categories still consider themselves basically honest in spite of the obvious conflict of facts.

It seems to me from his statements, OP's friend is not being honest, so I can only guess in which category to place him. Because of his age and experience, my guess leans toward manipulation, but it is possible he could be in one of the last two categories.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 46 (view)
 
I don't want any commitment in the coming 2 years.
Posted: 3/19/2011 9:30:59 PM
Master Baiter?... no he is just a worm.

I don't think it's a very big leap to assume that the OP has feelings for him after being with him for a year. However, using his own words, the guy says that he is a player...
I'm still young and I like bedding women. I know I'll be tired of it at a point but not now. But I'm not looking for a gf at all, girls won't understand but guys can sleep with women with no emotion involved at all.
Why does she not understand that this applies to her as well? Because her judgment is clouded by emotion she cannot perceive that he has no emotional connection with her.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 43 (view)
 
I don't want any commitment in the coming 2 years.
Posted: 3/19/2011 7:37:05 PM

Just because his intentions cannot be viewed an honorable by many people I don't think he is guilty of anything else but being brutally honest.

While his intention of trying to extend his relationship with the OP is somewhat honest, I think his original intention with the OP is contained in his quote from the first post.

So guy told girl "I don't want any commitment in the coming 2 years, I'm still young and I like bedding women. I know I'll be tired of it at a point but not now. But I'm not looking for a gf at all, girls won't understand but guys can sleep with women with no emotion involved at all.

I reiterate, he never loved her and was just looking for another lay.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 41 (view)
 
I don't want any commitment in the coming 2 years.
Posted: 3/19/2011 6:52:56 PM
Gotta agree with Wooby. He never loved you and never will. He is a master manipulator while appearing to be honest. You're just one more notch on his bedpost and he is willing to stretch it out for as long as you will let him. Think about how he would have felt if he actually loved you... he may have delayed leaving until you both could be together in two years... he could have at least pined for you for a reasonable amount of time before succumbing to temptation. He only loves himself... if he would confess to that then he would at least be honest.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 424 (view)
 
Men in their 60s
Posted: 3/5/2011 6:26:12 AM

they usually require that I VOTE the same way they do, go to the same religious institution, cherish the same beliefs they have, support the same charities, WANT to go on the exact same type of vacation they want to go on, enjoy the same sports they like to WATCH but not participate in, sit on the sofa for prolonged periods of time while watching some boring t.v. show that they like, cook exactly what their mothers cooked, buy/have the "right" kind of car, dog, house, live in the "right" neighborhood, never express an original idea ... etc.

the men I've met have been liberal only in their criticisms ...


An astute observation that has some elements of truth in it. I would venture a guess that most older people have had time to ruminate about what they like and don't like, and the whys and why nots associated with that. So it may not be a matter of requiring another person to vote the same way, but instead it is a matter of being able to logically explain your principles to the other person and be able to answer questions they may have about those principals with more than a token "that's how I feel". If these areas of life are substantially different between potential partners, and if they pose obstacles for either, then a discussion would seem to be mandatory. Without a meeting of the minds then it is indeed difficult to progress to more intimate matters, especially when sexuality no longer is a blinding force at our more mature stage of life.

Also at this stage of our lives, good original ideas are much more difficult to discover.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Help!! I really want to believe him
Posted: 2/20/2011 7:00:49 AM
Here's my guess as to why he refuses to meet... using his time frame for meeting and his admission of anxiety and depression, it sounds like he is a chronic over eater who has lied about his weight and now he thinks he can lose the weight before meeting you. Not necessarily a deal breaker, but I'm betting he won't be able to lose enough pounds to satisfy himself and will try to prolong the wait even more.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 76 (view)
 
What causes clinginess in a relationship
Posted: 2/2/2011 6:31:10 AM
If it is one-sided, then it is called clinginess. If both partners are equally clingy, then it is called true love.

What I'm trying to say is that the features of clinginess correspond with the features of love (sometimes at an extreme level). Most people have learned how to dial back their emotions until they are somewhat reciprocated, but some will just put everything out and hope for the best.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
He has shut down and shut me out
Posted: 1/17/2011 5:07:59 AM
This OP has me curious. Obviously he went through some kind of mental crisis for him to be bursting into tears when thinking about it. However, depending on what his baseline personality was, which information we don't have, this guy could be weeping for anything from his pet hamster dying to his massacre of his family.

Take several steps back and wait for more information... hopefully while with friends or in a public area.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 127 (view)
 
What makes a good marriage good?
Posted: 1/16/2011 4:53:50 AM
I think there may be a failure to recognize the difference between failing at an endeavor and realizing that the endeavor is not what the person was looking for after all. The first might be construed as having an innate lack of knowledge whereas the second (an equally likely scenario) would be due to an increased awareness which might be passed on to others.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 56 (view)
 
Getting out of a difficult and public situation...
Posted: 1/16/2011 4:36:03 AM

BILLBOARD WAR


This was why I suggested not upping the ante... the OP's friend would be likely to enjoy a very public display of emotional dialogue while the OP herself would be cringing at every salvo. I'm sure some people enjoy this sort of thing but even they might have a certain line that they would rather people not cross in public communications... just sayin'.... ;>)
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Getting out of a difficult and public situation...
Posted: 1/15/2011 4:53:47 PM
I would be wary of upping the ante by sending the singing telegram... just quietly show him your procrastinator's anonymous membership card. Tell him it may be a while before you can answer his proposal and that you want to keep him as your sex slave for now. If that doesn't satisfy him I don't know what will.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 515 (view)
 
Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 1/14/2011 5:41:04 PM

What I seem to find with the older men I talk to, is they seem to have given up on being sexual- maybe its not as much of a priority to them at this stage in their life

Speaking as a self-professed really older guy, I can say that I haven't given up on being sexual, it just isn't a blinding obsession any longer... it is actually interesting to get to know women for what they think, something that was practically non-existant in my youth. But I've found that there haven't been many older women who appreciate that approach... or maybe it's just me. A questioning nature doesn't seem to go over too well with many people.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 116 (view)
 
What makes a good marriage good?
Posted: 1/14/2011 5:15:41 PM

No it does not mean they had an excellent marriage but the chances are far better that they have good advice on how to have a happy marriage then the divorced or the never married.

I want to call my bookie to see just what the odds are on that! Personally, I don't see much difference.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Turning 50....does everyone experience a twinge?
Posted: 1/14/2011 6:19:02 AM
Fifty wasn't bad except for the stereotypical gag gifts that seem obligatory for friends and relatives to bestow upon you. However, as I am looking at 60 soon, I am noticing the occasional classmate showing up in the obits now. It gives one perspective and takes care of any Peter Pan syndrome that so many seem to have.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 104 (view)
 
What makes a good marriage good?
Posted: 1/14/2011 5:26:25 AM
Plursty's example of explicit non-verbal communication seems to me to be a very good practice to utilize. There were many times in my marriage where this would have been a welcome signal though I doubt that it would have saved it even then.

I agree with what I believe Sweetest states, that it is the unconscious meshing of two peoples' personalities in a positive way that makes a marriage last. There will always be the occasional grinding of gears as life shifts, but good communication and an ability to see the other's vision will go a long way in helping make a relationship last.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Communication within a relationship
Posted: 1/6/2011 9:11:07 PM

How do you deal with someone who tells you that "communication is key", yet uses the line - "I don't want to talk about it?"

It sounds like he is communicating a key concept quite clear to me... that which you are asking about is off limits to you at this moment. If he does this on many things, then I would say he doesn't trust you very much... not much basis for a relationship there.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 51 (view)
 
trust vs. loyalty which is more important?
Posted: 1/3/2011 3:14:20 PM
Familial loyalty is a result of bonding which can also happen in other relationships. Why this happens is probably still open for speculation though the hormone oxytocin seems to play a part. Much like love, loyalty is not a quality that depends on rational thought though rationality can sometimes overcome loyalty.

Trust is a much more pragmatic quality even though the naivete of youth allows trust to form much too quickly.

Both are important qualities in a person in regards to succeeding, evolutionally speaking. But if someone were completely trusting, I would assume they would be trusting of everyone and they would soon be eliminated. A completely loyal person could only be loyal if they were somehow bonded and so they would have a chance if they happened to be bonded and loyal to the right person.

If the question was what I would rather have... it would not be a contest. I would much rather earn someone's trust and be required to act in a manner to maintain it than to have blind loyalty.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
What makes a good marriage good?
Posted: 1/1/2011 9:10:12 AM
Looking for attributes for a good marriage is much like looking at the ingredients for a delicious recipe. Any of the ingredients by themselves may or may not be appealing, but it is the combination of all the flavors and the on the presentation that the final judgment will be made on the completed dish.

And then the shelf life of the dish is an entirely different matter as well. Some may go flat or lose the proper texture in hours and some can be kept for years in the freezer (OK, bad comparison for a marriage, but you've got to give me a little leeway). The shelf life of a marriage is dependent on those same ingredients that went into it originally, and how they tend to change over time.

Helen's example of a need for a never-ending conversation caught my eye right away. I would be the first to agree that good communication is a must, but if I was caught in the jaws of a marriage that included non-stop talking (which I'm sure she didn't mean) then I would be chewing my leg off to get out of that nightmare. It is all a matter of individual choice.

GibsonGirl's list can be viewed in different perspectives as well.

Appreciation-- none at all or too much can both become wearisome... just speaking for myself, I find those ubiquitous polite thank-you's grating when used within a close relationship.

Communication-- the style of communication can be an important factor... does one prefer directness or an oblique style? Will circuitous thinking be something that would drive a succinct mindset over the edge and out of a relationship?

Love-- there can never be any logical explanation for love so any perspective is equally valid. But a marriage purposefully entered into without love would be interesting to contemplate what the reasons for it might be.

Intimacy-- as these forums can attest to, everyone has a different level of intimacy that they are comfortable with, whether it pertains to bodily functions or private thoughts, the degree of sharing will always have a wide scale to choose from.

Trust-- for a relationship built on lies, then the trust one has must be that they will continue to lie... if it is built on truth, then the trust is for continued truth. I've yet to figure out how people can maintain trust if they try to both lie and expect truth.

I'm sure there are thoughts hidden in our mind's subconscious that tend to spontaneously erupt in the midst of a relationship that will take the partner unaware. That would be the ultimate random factor of any relationship.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Intimacy - why are men so afraid?
Posted: 12/29/2010 5:37:10 AM
Soul mates-- two nearly identical emotional narcissists. Yes Virginia, there are soul mates!
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 247 (view)
 
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/29/2010 5:27:24 AM
Debate is good for the soul and the mind. It clears the cobwebs from both. How else can we continue to grow if we don't listen to all sides and be able to spot the gaping holes of illogical argument that inevitably ensue.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 34 (view)
 
pretty clear already,just checking....
Posted: 12/27/2010 5:52:45 PM
Time to bail out of that relationship! With the info added in post 24 I would say you are 100% correct in your assessment of the situation... change your locks if you have anything valuable in the house.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
pretty clear already,just checking....
Posted: 12/24/2010 7:03:44 AM
I would say there is definitely not enough information to make an informed opinion. Holiday stress due to overspending is common and might be a factor. Shifting blame to the partner is certainly a perception issue which neither one of you will have an unbiased opinion about. And I can certainly vouch that if the partner is ticked off at you her libido is the last thing on her mind.

You two need to talk it out and find out what is bothering each of you.

edit.. and if you do have a talk with her, don't go into it with preconceived notions of what you are expecting. Listen to her completely before making any judgements of her veracity.
 
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