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summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Need advice on a difficult situation! Posted: 6/5/2009 5:43:21 AM
I hope by now you are in your new place, and all of the bad is behind you. Good luck , I hope you are enjoying a peaceful existence now.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Made my heart skip a beat Posted: 5/24/2009 6:13:52 AM
Great post, thanks for sharing your experience. Yes when I see that kind of connection between a couple, it brings back good memories of past relationships. It also reminds me how much I miss being so connected to another, and wish it for myself and everybody else that wants that kind of love again.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Need advice on a difficult situation! Posted: 5/24/2009 6:01:14 AM
Yes please keep us updated. I feel terrible for you and the situation you are in. While you are feeling you can not take this anymore, act on it. Use the resources that the other posters supplied for you. If you put it off for another day, you may become complacent again, and allow it to keep happening. You deserve a much better life than you have had to this point. Be brave and strong, and make the changes you know you need to make now. Good luck to you, I too am very sorry for your loss, remember, your mom would not want your life to be like this, she had the strength to leave it, and so do you. make her proud of the woman she raised.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

3 chores you dislike doing as a single person Posted: 4/26/2009 4:56:25 AM
1. Paying the bills 2. Housecleaning (all of it) 3. Re-painting the walls (when I get bored with the latest color). oh and shoveling the snow, but will be a while before I need to worry about that again

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 59 (view)

Am I old fashion or are guys better looking in jeans and a tee? Posted: 3/29/2009 8:57:10 AM
Yes, jeans and a T, for myself as well. I think most men look great in jeans. But since that is what I am most comfortable in, it makes it easier to have the person you are meeting or with, to also like the look. But please guys, make sure the jeans fit, no falling too low, with the top of your butt showing. That look is horrible in the younger guys and when an older man wears jeans that ride down, it is even worse. Put on a belt or buy a new pair that fits , whatever. But when they fit right, they look so good.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 128 (view)

WHAT IS THIS SPARK PEOPLE ARE SEARCHING FOR? Posted: 3/21/2009 8:24:44 AM
Sparks are nice, when it happens. I have felt a spark before , once or twice. It doesnt have to do with age at all. We do not outgrow sparks in our lifetime. Mostly just meaning there was enough there to be interested in learning more. But sometimes it is just a spark that does not lead to a flame. A spark can be just a spark, and then die a quick death. Or it can be the the beginning of something bigger. So big deal , a spark, it really doesnt mean a whole lot, if you are looking for something lasting, even if it can be a bit exciting. I also do not like the idea that he has penciled you in OP. But then I suppose it depends on what you are looking for. Hopefully you will meet someone that isnt afraid to use a pen.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

older men expecting daughters to find a prince. Posted: 3/21/2009 8:10:15 AM
To be honest I think our children make their decisions and life choices based on both parents examples. For example , my daughter is with a man that is so much like her father in so many ways. But is it because she chose someone like her father, or she inherited her mothers picker? When I was younger I was more like she is now. I truly do not think he is the right man for her, where she is responsible and takes care of others , he is not either of those things. She takes on the burdens of their lives, and he stands by doing nothing, and lets her. Even to the point of her worrying about and guiding his children while he does not. It bothers me to no end. That they are not equal partners in life. But there is not much I can do about it. If I pressure her to leave, she will only leave me. On the plus side though it has made her a much stronger person. We can only support our children and love them. When they reach a certain age we have to let go. My son on the other hand is way too picky, he is more like I have become in later years. He will not settle for just any young woman, he wants something real and with only the right person. So I guess he has picked up my examples in later life and my daughter is more like I was in younger years. I just hope he some day finds that person, because I would not want him to spend all of his adult years without a partner. They had both parents in their lives throughout their years growing up. I think they are the people they are by both of our influence. Whether it is the partners they choose or the responsibilities they take on and manage, they are the product of their upbringing. Also isnt in normal for all of us to want better for our children, regardless of the examples we have set, we always want them to do better than we did in all aspects of life. Even if we are without a partner and did not manage to find the one, it is only natural whether you are a mom or a dad, to want security and happiness for your children. I can understand these men, as much as I can understand the women that want their children to have wonderful happy lives.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 52 (view)

Does Labelling Hold Us Back? Posted: 3/19/2009 4:32:23 AM
Labels are the shallow , outward things, we see upon first impressions. Red flags are the things we come across while getting to know someone. The things we know may cause disappointment or hurt down the road. For some I think, it is hard to get past the labels to even see if there are red flags. Myself included in this. Instead of taking the time to get to know the person to find out there are no red flags or that there are. But if I am seeing someone for a while, and the red flags come out, it is in both of our best interests, to recognize them and call it quits.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

First signs of Spring Posted: 3/15/2009 6:09:02 AM
It has been a long hard Winter in my neck of the woods. It started a good month earlier than usual. But I can finally see the light at the end of the dark, dreary tunnel. The other day I went out in my yard and cleaned up my dog's mess from the last two months. We had so much snow, ice and wind, I could not keep up with it this Winter. That is a sure sign of Spring. The days are getting longer, but it is still very chilly here. No flower buds, or buds on the trees, they are still staying hidden from view. The ground is still mostly frozen, and little piles of snow scattered around still, but today it is to get in the 50's so maybe that will soon be gone. We have had some nicer days, but the cold temps always come back, I am hoping this time we will continue in the warmer direction. I can not wait until the flowers start poking their heads out of the ground and buds start forming on the trees. This Winter with the harsh temps , lots of snow and concerns about the dropped economy, Spring will be a welcome sight. Maybe the warmth of the sun, will brighten everyone's days. It may not help those struggling with finances , but it might help to bring them a brighter outlook for tomorrow.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 275 (view)

The New Season Of LOST Posted: 3/15/2009 5:37:30 AM
Charlotte's body disappeared because they went back in time to when she was a child. I would assume they can not be present with themselves at a time, when they are already there. They showed her walking with her mom as a small girl at the Dharma homestead. Remember the part when the child walked by and (whats his name) the scientist, murmured her name. She had said in an earlier episode she remembered the strange man telling her not to go back to the island , that if she did she would die. That was the scientist, and they are back to that time.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 259 (view)

The New Season Of LOST Posted: 3/8/2009 3:26:15 AM
I still think Ben is the bad guy, a couple times I was starting to think maybe not, but back to thinking he is. He killed Locke because he got the information he needed from him. I know it seems like he knows all, but if you remember he killed him right after he found out about the woman that can help them to get back on the island, Desmond's mom. I may be wrong , as I have been so many times but the timing was perfect. As soon as Locke gave him the information, he strangled him. I also wish Sawyer would stay with Juliette, but I think his feelings for Kate will come back, if they ever left. Sawyer is showing his more compassionate side , but has shown it in bits in pieces before. He has always been nice to Kate, even though he tries to play the uncaring tough guy, and he has always had a protective soft side when it came to Hurley. He talked rough and tough, but you could always tell the people he really cared for, so not real surprised by his gentler nature. Kate is still in love with Jack, and only left the relationship because he was using drugs and alcohol to numb himself. She went back to the island because she wanted to be with him, even if it meant going back to the one place she never wanted to again. I feel bad for Sayid, he was the only one that had to be brought back by force. He was happy with his life off the island, even though he lost the woman he loved. He was doing good, and found contentment even after his loss.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 53 (view)

Clueless over-45 men (and some women) Posted: 3/7/2009 8:45:46 AM
The sad thing is after these people are used and tossed aside, then they have a hard time believing that every woman/man will not do the same. So they live in their past lessons and never are able to trust a good person that is not looking to take advantage. Every way that the last person deceived them is written in their memory, so the next person that truly cares will never be able to be close to them. They are convinced because this person they truly loved and were dumped on by, is the way all women/men are, and will not give themselves a chance to love again. There is so much of this, even in the forums, so I have to assume it is in many others as well. We have all read the , I got cleaned out by my ex posts, and woman just want my money. To actually meet and care for one of these wounded people is so hard. You try to show them by your actions that you are not out to get anything from them, and they just can not, will not believe you. It takes a very long time and a lot of soul searching to get to the other side of the hurt. I do not think many people that have been used in this way, are aware of what is going on. They truly believe their partners love them, and are blindsided by the ending, when reality finally sinks in. The damage left behind , could be a part of that person for the rest of their life, especially if this happened in their later years.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Getting a Roommate Posted: 2/15/2009 7:00:56 AM
Wow, I have actually thought about getting a roommate before. And none of these concerns entered my mind, you are over thinking, over worrying. But since they did occur to you, it is probably best you stick with a roommate of the same gender. And as other posters have pointed out, their dating status is none of your business. If she was looking to move the person into your home, that would be another matter. But sounds like he wouldn't even be around that much, if he is in the service. That does not mean that something would or should develop between you and her.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

better to do wrong than nothing? Posted: 2/15/2009 6:22:37 AM
I take the quote as meaning, it is better to take a chance. When taking chances in life, it also means making choices. The choices may be wrong or they may be right, It is better to make the choice to do something, then to play it safe and do nothing.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

your annual reminder of why Valentine's day should make you happy - NO MATTER WHAT Posted: 2/15/2009 6:10:07 AM
Another reason to look forward to Valentines day each year. It is the ending of Winter , and almost the beginning of Spring. Happy Valentines Day !

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

your annual reminder of why Valentine's day should make you happy - NO MATTER WHAT Posted: 2/15/2009 6:08:50 AM
Another reason to look forward to Valentines day each year. It is the ending of Winter , and almost the beginning of Spring ! Happy Valentines Day!

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 77 (view)

Why the Rush to Coupledom? Posted: 2/15/2009 5:50:34 AM
"Boyfriend-girlfriend--declaring after a couple dates "We are an exclusive, serious, monogamous couple." As in, I met you on Friday, I called you on Tuesday, we had dinner on Friday-- we are now in a serious, exclusive committed relationship." Commitment , implies permanence , long term, or forever. There are no guarantees in life, and even the ones we were committed to, are no longer here, for whatever reasons. I think this is why many, are so put off by the idea. If we could just commit, to giving it our best and giving it the chance it needs to grow, we would maybe all be a bit more successful. Instead of being afraid of the word, and what it implies. (This includes me as well). Just a thought

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 76 (view)

Why the Rush to Coupledom? Posted: 2/15/2009 5:22:32 AM
"Boyfriend-girlfriend--declaring after a couple dates "We are an exclusive, serious, monogamous couple." As in, I met you on Friday, I called you on Tuesday, we had dinner on Friday-- we are now in a serious, exclusive committed relationship." Yes way too soon to be so serious, as in a committed relationship. But in the same sense, I could see it happening, to the point of wanting to focus on the one person to see where it will go. I do not think it happens often that you meet someone that you feel that way with, at least not for me. But in the last 48 years it did happen once. I think when we were younger we just fell into it, and it is assumed you are a couple after seeing each other a few weeks, and not a lot of discussion was involved. Those relationships did not last, so now we feel we need to take things slow to see, before deciding this is a good person, and most importantly someone I want to spend time with and get to know better. So we are more cautious and yes even wiser, when deciding we want to be exclusive. But I do believe that sometimes , if you are very very lucky , you have a good idea pretty quickly , that you are very compatible and if both parties feel the same way, it could work. But of course no commitment as in living together, or marriage , quickly. I have always been the type to take these things very slowly, and very cautiously, not investing my emotions into a relationship, without the assurance of not getting hurt. And I suppose I am still like that, but I have also learned that sometimes you meet someone that just feels right, and you do not want to see others, and would rather they did not either. But your sense of not wanting to be hurt in some way, tells you that you both should, to be sure of what you think is there. But while you are dating others, that is time you could be spending getting to know this person better, that has come into your life. And honestly , how often do we meet someone that we want to get to know better, for me it just doesn't happen every day. So I can understand what you are saying, because my whole life I have been that way, except that one time. I guess , once in a while you throw caution to the wind and hope for the best outcome possible. And if you are really lucky, it works.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 60 (view)

If you had your choice to be able to fly or to be invisible Posted: 2/7/2009 7:54:03 AM
When I was a small child I used to dream I could fly. It was such an amazing feeling. But now, I guess maybe invisible . There is someone I would like to see, but would rather that person not know I am looking I know what an invasion of privacy. I suppose there could be some things you would rather not see, though while in the invisible state. You could always know what others are saying behind your back , while you aren't visibly there, but then it may be something your better off not knowing, in the end. I feel knowledge is power, so better to know who you are dealing with instead of the one they show you. Just think of the corruption we could uncover in the government. Will my video camera also be invisible?

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

Sad stories Posted: 2/7/2009 7:24:21 AM
The Passion of the Christ definitely the saddest one to date. I was the same, but did not leave the theater. I would feel bad for my fellow viewers for having to listen to me, but the whole theater was in the same condition as me. Hands down the very saddest. I just watched two movies that had sad parts to them, as well, I guess the best movies do. Seven Pounds with Will Smith was very sad. and also Marley and Me, in the end. I am not going to tell much of either movie, because they are fairly new, and I wouldn't want to ruin them for future viewers, both are worth watching though. (if you like sad)

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 55 (view)

A cold ass winter for some! Posted: 2/7/2009 6:43:38 AM
It has been harder this Winter with colder temps for many and struggling to meet all expenses. That is one thing nobody has touched on in this forum. We are paying much more for everything now, therefore the cost of heating has been harder than ever. There is less in the pot to cover heating when it costs more for everything else. Have you been watching the cost of food rise with every week? I also live alone and live very very frugally , but still have to buy some food. I own a home, which used to be a good thing, but now the housing market has fallen and will fall even further. So big deal I have an investment, that I will never see the money I put into it, between purchase and repairs. My home has three floors to heat, wish it was smaller now. It is very discouraging for many, especially when they reach my age and older. The monies we managed to squirrel away have less value, as the dollar is also going down in value with the costs rising. I have not had my heat above 65 degrees all Winter, and wear layers all the time when home. Why is it that 65 degrees is so much warmer in the Summer? Jobs are less and less easy to find, if you do want to take a second one. My job is based on business that walks in the door, and let me tell you, people are not eating out as much. So when the sales arent there, my hours drop. Yes I took on an extra day, and am doing all I can to earn more, but isnt life supposed to be a bit easier when we took all the steps to insure that. I paid my house off, paid off all my debts, raised a family, did all that was necessary to secure these years of life. But guess what ! It is doing me no good now, and it is not doing others the same, with the economy the way it is. Things are going to get worse people, the OP is right. I do not mean to sound all doom and gloom, but you all better be prepared, I thought I was. But I guess I am not. I know I am in a better spot than many, and I think about those that are not. The ones that did not prepare, I know many who didn't. In comparison I am lucky, because I was always so frugal. We all make our choices in life, and then we have to live the consequences. I was never ever on assistance while raising my kids, I fought tooth and nail to do it on my own. The way things are heading, someday I may not have a choice. This is the way it is, and the way it will be for some time. I guess others have made it through in the past, during the last depression, I guess we need to learn from them, and start getting creative. Good luck to all.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Young children over 45 Posted: 12/24/2008 4:49:49 AM
I also thought at this point in life, anyone I would meet would have grown children. It did not even occur to me, that I would meet someone with a young child. So it wasn't a matter of I would not go there, as much as not something I even considered happening. Over time, I did meet a man who had a young child. We saw each other for a couple of months, but other things ended it not the fact that he had a young child. I liked this man, and I know if the relationship progressed, him having a young child would not have been a deterrent to us spending time together. In fact, I would have enjoyed being around a young child again. So no it was not the plan to be involved with someone with a young child at this point in my life, but it also wasn't a problem when it presented itself. I think if two people meet and find companionship, one will not walk away from the other , because there is a child in the equation. You probably just have not met the person that is right for you at this point. If you do , it will also be a person right for your child. If they automatically dismiss you as a possible relationship, because of a child, then upfront you know, they are not right for you.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

Is owning a home a positive or negative? Posted: 12/14/2008 3:56:41 AM
"gold diggers? What's the male of that species called?" Why gold diggers, of course. And it works both ways. There are both men and women that may want to live in your home and may not feel the need to contribute to the running or mortgage of that home. Owning a home shows responsibility, it shows being rooted, and also following through on a commitment, even if the commitment is just to make the payments and maintain a dwelling. It can be a pain in the azz at times, when things need fixing, or updated. But I do a lot of what is needed, and for those things that are beyond my ability I save up, until I can hire someone. Of course there is also the things you need done right away, so sometimes it seems the house owns me more than I own it, but it all works out. It is also an investment for the future, with a home you always have equity , for those golden years. I still own the home I raised my family in. One day I would like to sell this house and buy something much smaller and easier to maintain. This house has served its purpose, and it is time to find a home for a single woman. Unfortunately the housing market is at its all time low. So I will have to stay here, and fix this old house, a few more years. I just wish I was capable of doing some of the more labor intensive improvements, that gets frustrating at times, when buying an older home that needs so much. But on the most part I think home ownership is a positive for me, but then I am not looking to marry again, maybe not even co-habitate. So having my own home, fits for my life. As far as a man , I might meet, it really makes no difference , except for the reasons I mentioned above. Commitment, responsibility , being rooted a bit for now. Why would I want to be paying somebody else mortgage, theres no gain in that.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

Has society really changed that much? Posted: 12/14/2008 3:32:15 AM
Back in the days of Andy Griffith, there was a sense of community, and I do not mean an internet or forum community. One on one, face to face. People relied on and connected with others so much more. Now we all pass each other, no eye contact, and go on our way. We have all become strangers, running from one destination to another. Neighbors do not visit over the picket fence, or even talk for days or weeks. Some of the changes over the years were good ones, but a lot were not. People are only concerned with self, and do not want to be accountable for anyone else. Things are much more important to them than people. There is such a lack of trust in the human race from one to another, but sadly it has to be the way. As another poster said, commitment is lost, it is just a word, not something believed in anymore. Back in the days of Andy Griffith, people did not take out loans to buy things, or throw them on a credit card. They worked saved their money, and then bought the necessities of life. But then also, as I said some of the changes are good. At least now a woman has a voice, and she can make choices and decisions with her life. Choices other than what to make for dinner.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

why do people put on long term when they mean dating Posted: 12/13/2008 8:09:18 AM
Ok, so easily solved. Put what you are ultimately looking for in the body of your profile. Some like to date, and date many different people, and do not want the end to be a long term, they should put that in the body of their profile. Something to the effect of not looking for a committed relationship, which I have seen in profiles. It makes things that much easier for people viewing their profile. Or if the wish for a long term, with the right person is there, then you can also put that. But explain that you are dating , to find that right person. Finding someone that fits, that you are compatible with, that you also have an attraction to, is not easy. It is either there or it isn't. If you want the right relationship, one that has a possibility of becoming long term, you are going to have to do a lot of dating, or hanging out, to find that person. Unfortunately just putting it on your profile , isn't going to make that right person come to you. I wish it were that easy.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Do you think your best is ... Posted: 12/2/2008 1:30:36 PM
My Best as of now, was when my children were little. I enjoyed those years so much. Of course it was filled with stresses and worries, but it was still the best of times. I so loved playing with my children and through them having a chance to live my childhood, only much better, the second time around. My mother used to always tell me this, and I did not realize at the time, I wish I had. But looking back now, I realize those were the best years, to this point. That does not mean I do not hope that the future holds even better times. But I am not sure I could possibly feel as complete and happy as I did in those years. I so completely enjoyed those years. But I also know that I have a lot of years ahead of me, that I want to make just as enjoyable. So at this point I can not answer if the best is over or if it is just around the corner. I hope life holds more surprises and more happiness and contentment for me. I want to be an old lady some day sitting in my chair thinking about all of the years with a big smile on my face, with fond memories of all the years. If I have to reach that far back for the fondest memories that would be a shame, and maybe difficult, you know how our memory goes as we age. It is difficult to say what is best, when the story is not yet over.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 193 (view)

Do I ever miss physical touch! Posted: 11/29/2008 7:26:49 AM
I couldnt have said it any better, ForumFilly But, even with all the love I get from my family and friends, it doesn't replace the feeling of being held by a man who is crazy in love with me and who I adore. That is something special that no loving, but platonic, touch can begin to replicate. "I want to rest my head on my love's chest and hear his heart beat. I want him to snuggle up behind behind me in bed while I squirm backwards towards him just trying to get closer. I want to burrow my face into the nook of his neck and smell his scent when we are standing facing each other. I want to again know the touch of a man who loves me more than any other, and to have him crave only my touch on his skin for the rest of our lives." There is no better closeness, to the one you love, than skin to skin. It is safe, peaceful, and so comforting, to be surrounded by the person you love and that loves you in the same way. The feeling of not knowing where one of you ends and the other begins, to meld together in that embrace. What a way to fall asleep and have sweet dreams.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 179 (view)

Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter? Posted: 11/4/2008 7:41:29 AM
I think it is only natural to be a little uncomfortable about our flaws etc etc, in a new relationship when you are at the point of a first sexual encounter, Regardless of your gender. But if it is with someone you care about, and cares about you, then with each time you are together the comfort level will increase, and the pleasure of being close and sharing your feelings with that partner. I am sure this is true at any age, we are our most difficult critics , to measure up to. Chances are all of what you think are flaws or imperfections, the other person will not even see.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 64 (view)

Never being successful...over 50. Posted: 11/4/2008 6:42:41 AM
Ankkka From your profile: my heart is always open and accepting others for what they are. That right there is a huge success. There are many people our age that can not accomplish that, after the bumps and bruises of life. So being able to accept others for who they are, and entering a new friendship or relationship with an open heart, is Successful, in you have healed from hurts and are not afraid to care and maybe love again. You also raised your children to the age of over 18,( no more information on that), but having done the same, I know that is also a huge success. What you accomplished there is many many successes rolled up in each child. To look at every faze of your life is to see successes. It does not mean fame, though you probably do have some of that as well. Maybe not with strangers, but with the people you have touched in personal caring ways over the years. It does not mean money, as long as we are capable of surviving financially we are all successful. Reaching our age, and still being here, and able to share parts of our selves and care about those around us, is being successful. I would say, not knowing your story, you are successful. As are we all. Reflections of the past are not a bad thing, but do not get stuck there, that tends to make us stay still, and overwhelmed with the goals we have not yet met. Think about what you have not yet done and want to, and ways to get you there, but then put those ideas into action, so in ten years you are not still reflecting on what might have been. Success , like everything , is won with steps, and does take some time, but it is not impossible to still have success at our ages. No matter what they are. Just like raising our children, to adult successful lives of their own, nothing happens overnight. But the successes we work for, are always the ones most appreciated and cherished.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

signs of a great relationship when you are middle aged/older... Posted: 11/4/2008 5:22:23 AM
Of course we all want smooth sailing in a relationship and to live drama free. The problem is even at our age, a relationship does take work. You can not expect everything to be easy and smooth all the time. People that expect it to be perfect, tend to walk away , when it is not. They are looking for the illusion of drama free and easy. As nightwing said there still needs to be communication and also work toward keeping things smooth and drama free together. If things were perfect and no team work was involved to get through life together, then we would be bored with it. There still has to be excitement, but shared excitement. And work, but work done together for the good of the relationship. Nothing worth while is easy , and just given to us. We earn the good things in life, even drama free , easy relationships. Working toward that together is what brings you to the peace of that elusive good relationship. We all know walking into a easy situation is only temporary and life will come along and rock the boat at some point. Sticking together and waiting for smooth waters again, instead of walking away, will bring you back to the easy and smooth.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

giving advice to the kids on PoF Posted: 10/31/2008 6:52:24 AM
Some times it seems like they do not listen, but they do. They may argue , get upset with you, stare at you with that blank look. But it is seeping in along the way. If it is advice you know they need to hear, keep telling them, it is absorbing, even though it may not seem it. My daughter and I lock horns on things sometimes, not that I tell her at this point what to do, I know better, LOL. But when she is living or doing something I feel is harmful or not in her best interests, I have to voice my opinion, I am her mom. So over time I have noticed that she is retaining this opinion and the strategies to make the situation better. One day she will call, and will have made the changes that are needed to fix whatever is the glitch. While listening to her tell me with excitement what has been done, and why it was not working, and what she did to fix it, it is like listening to me all over again. She may not realize her moment of clarity was given indirectly by me, but that does not matter, what matters is she has seen what she needs to do, to make a better life for herself. So keep telling those younger people , when you feel it is something they need to hear, if they look like and act like you are wasting your breath, dont be too sure, it is seeping in. Whether it is our children or other young people out there, I think telling them your opinion and helping them to figure out life, is just another way of showing them you care, what happens to them.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 57 (view)

What would you say to her if you were her close friend? Posted: 10/29/2008 9:59:20 AM
There was a very similar posting in a different category on people living separated, instead of getting a divorce. I copied what I added to the discussion, instead of re-writing it all. But this is another very big concern for people trying to start over with someone else, before ending their marriage through divorce. And at our age a real possibility , down the road. You may want to tell this story to your friend, not to discourage her from making her own decision , for what makes her life happy, but so she considers all possible events down the road. I have a woman friend that is in this exact situation. Her and her live in boyfriend have been together for many years, I think about nine now. He is very sick, the hospital even wanted him to go to either hospice or nursing care a few times, but he insisted on going home. She is the medical proxy on him, so makes all the medical decisions, if he cant , at these times. She has to deal with the wife, every time there is an emergency or it looks like he will not make it , to go home again. The wife lives in their house, has the rights to his pension and retirement and all the assets. My friend has been nursing/taking care of this man for seven years out of the nine. When he dies , she is out on the street. The wife that has not been his wife for ten years will get everything, after my friend has taken care of her terminally ill husband all this time. I think , if you are starting a new life with a new partner, all the old business should be taken care of first. an update to the story is, her live in boyfriend is now placed in a nursing care facility, and his children and wife are not visiting or supporting him in any way. Her sense of duty and friendship to him, has her traveling very far to take care of his needs still. She is on very unstable financial footing now, as he shared their expenses as in rental etc. They were together/living together now for 10 years, eight of those years he was disabled and she was the caregiver.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 643 (view)

Is money really that important ladies? Posted: 10/29/2008 8:49:18 AM
Breath said- "I have just enough money coming in each month to "keep myself going" throughout the rest of my life. If he has just enough.. like I do... then great! We can sort of melt together and keep each other going. If he has none... there isn't any way I could keep him going, along with me. So in that case, yes it is important. If he has more than enough to keep himself going... then great, too. Might be fun, lol! But in that case, it is NOT important.. he could keep it stashed for his kids (or whatever) and I'd be fine with it, as long as he spent the just enough needed for him. Hehehe, wonder if all that made sense to anyone." It made perfect sense to me Breath.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Dealing with breakup this Weekend...help Posted: 10/26/2008 6:49:50 AM
Though this post is two years old, this still happens to many of us. So not a bad one to re-surface after all. You would think by this age, we would be past all of these hard decisions in datingland, but that is not the case. We are supposed to be learning , growing, evolving in life as we age. But we all have what we want or need from a partner and most times that is not the same things. When you are lucky enough to find someone compatible, and the wants are different, it is a shame and hard to let go. There is so much fear, so much lack of trust, just in being with and caring for someone else. Parrothead, I agree with your well written post. It hurts , but staying does not help either the person that wants more, or the person that can not give more.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

Single, Over 45 and Starving? Posted: 10/19/2008 5:36:25 AM
In the colder months I do a lot of the big dish items. I still make a pot full and either eat it for the rest of the week, or freeze portions for another time. Soups, stews, etc. The buying family packs and freezing is also a good idea. I have also bought pork roasts and cut them into small pieces and froze them to pull out when I felt like cooking a real meal. This past summer I ate brown rice-microwaved, fresh green beans, and cut up chicken all mixed together with low-fat margarine, and a lot of black pepper. It was very good, but after eating it for months became old. But it is good for you, and does the job. I would cook up a few pieces of chicken breast at once and then each night cook up the rice in the boil in a bag, and the amount of fresh green beans, I needed for the night. Sometimes I would make enough to get me through a couple dinners. My microwave is my best friend, for this meal. When my kids lived home , and throughout their years growing up, I cooked good big meals almost every night of the week. But when they grew up and moved out it was hard to motivate myself to cook , just for myself. I still get in that rut sometimes, and will do the easy thing, like the rice recipe above. Or I will grab something prepared on my way home from work, to eat later. But with the colder temperatures coming back, I am sure I will go back to eating the big pot meals again, at some point. I understand what you are saying though, cooking for yourself just hardly seems worth the bother a lot of the time.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

worse now or more honest? Posted: 10/19/2008 5:06:46 AM
I was divorced many many years ago, while still almost a child myself. Even though I knew we were wrong for each other, and were unable to keep the promise we made in our vows, it was still hard to walk away from it. I do not think the majority of people divorced walk away easily, and I do not think they choose to be alone. I could have re-married many years ago, while still young, but I wanted it to be right the next and final time. I take commitment and marriage very seriously, and I never expected to divorce such a short time after marrying, only five years. I had hoped that many years ago, for all of our happiness we could have both met and settled into our new lives with the right people. But we both stayed single for the rest of our lives, neither of us re-married. I can not speak for him, but I do not think he wanted to be alone all these years, and I know I did not. It was not the plan, and I do not think anyone says, I plan on spending the rest of my life without the right person to love and to love me back. It just sometimes happens. Now I tell myself , I do not want to get married again, but I am not sure I am always being honest with myself on this. If I was lucky enough to find someone that loved me as much as I loved him, and vice versa, I would maybe not be as set in that decision. We say we are happy single, because it is easier to not wish for what we do not have. It is a lot easier to accept life and be happy for what we do have, and not wish for more. This is just my opinion , of course, of most single people at our age. I am sure there are some that are truly happy being single, especially those that were in a very destructive marriage, or were hurt very badly by their mate. Or the ones that already experienced a beautiful love-marriage-relationship with someone that has passed away. But even with time, I believe the hurt and fear of trying again goes away, I know it did with me.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

Season change and desire for companionship Posted: 10/19/2008 4:34:17 AM
In the colder months we tend to stay at home more. It would be nice at this time to have someone . Not that there isn't a reason for every season, but in the Winter months hibernating would be much more enjoyable with someone . Someone to play a game of cards with , or watch a movie, or just do nothing. Get excited about the holidays and prepare for them together. I love to bake, but since the kids have grown I do not do as much as I used to. It would be nice to have someone to share my cookies and fudge with again. Of course, I am sure the people I work with will love them, but it just is not the same. I do not have a fireplace, but I imagine snuggling up in front of the fireplace with someone special, could also be very nice .

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Motives Posted: 10/13/2008 1:13:11 PM
I also am hesitant to let someone too far into my life, there are boundaries. I have learned the hard way that the wrong person can certainly rip/destroy what you have built up in your life. It is a risk taken, to allow someone completely into your life, to the point where they could potentially destroy all you have accomplished. Letting someone into your life to that extent , at this point in our age, should be done thoughtfully and carefully. Whether you are a man or a woman , has nothing to do with it. Anyone that has managed to acquire independence and self sufficiency, has to look out for themselves, and the very near future. Not that it isn't possible , and there aren't good people out there, you should just proceed with caution, in my opinion, take your time to know them. It is easier to make that decision if both parties are in about the same place, in life.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

At our age.. Posted: 10/12/2008 9:47:33 AM
I feel the way you do also , at times. But one thing that helps , through those times, is the knowledge that everything becomes normal over time. Even if it is the familiarity of being without a partner. It is when you have a respite, that you feel alone again. Give it some time, it will become normal again. At least I hope that is true, because I too am getting older, and I do not want to spend my days and nights wanting something that just isnt there. Read a book, it helps to escape what I like to call the "stinking thinking" And also helps to fall asleep at night in that empty bed. Good luck, I hope you can either accept your aloneness, or meet the perfect mate.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

How Many Times Have You Said I Love You? Posted: 10/12/2008 9:33:29 AM
I tell most family members , all the time, I love them. Usually in parting, I tell them. It is just my way of saying good bye until next time, I see them. You never know, what is going to happen in life, and I want all of them to know I love and appreciate them, when we part. As far as a partner, someone I am in a relationship with, I do not say it very easily for the first time. I always make very certain that the feelings are real before they are verbalized. So I take an extra long time, letting them know , what my heart is feeling. But in an established relationship, where we both feel the same, I say it often enough to not abuse it. I think it is important to let the other person know that your feelings have not diminished or changed. Too many throw the word around when they aren't sure, or aren't feeling them, and people get hurt. Even by this ripe old age, I have said the "L" word to a very few, only when it is true.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

Young At Heart ??? Posted: 10/12/2008 9:27:36 AM
Age is perception. Wherever you are, old age, is somewhere down the road. I remember thinking my parents were "getting old" I am now the age they were then, and I do not feel I am getting old. Though my heart may feel young when it is happy, my body always reminds me how many birthdays I have had.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Question ? Where is our money safest now?
Posted: 10/12/2008 8:43:53 AM

Ok, not that I have a whole lot, but some of my 401 was in stocks !

I know at this point there is no real point in switching that, as the loss was too great.
Doubtful, but in time it may recover, some.
But what about our bank accounts. I did a search and could not find anything , opinions,
on where it is safest to leave our monies until this crisis is resolved (if ever).
My house is paid for, so no worries there, other than the value is plummeting, and all my financial investments in updating, are now non-returnable.
I have one existing loan, that I plan on paying off, for my car. (is this wise?)
What about savings , cds and the like. Are they safest where they are or should they be stuffed in my mattress?
It makes me very nervous to think that the little bit I was able to save for the future, may be lost to me.
I put money away, so I would not spend it, to insure it would be there , for someday.
But now I am afraid that it will not be there.
I have heard the whole the government guarantees your money, if the banks fail.
But I do not trust that anymore, for obvious reasons. Our government has already failed, financially and also their people. They are not looking out for me, or any of us.

What do we do with our cash now?
Fill our piggy banks and mattresses?
What do we do if we have an existing loan , do we pay it off,
or let it go with the wind, if the bank fails?

opinions?
I have asked people I know, and no body really has answers.
I am just looking for opinions on this and what others have done.
I have to make a decision what to do, and hoping for some input.

thanks

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summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Current Events Not Showing On Forum List. Posted: 10/12/2008 7:35:08 AM
Same, just tried to find current events and no longer there. Especially now , I am sure all the members would like that option back. I had to put it in the search to see if it still existed. I am sure many will not bother to do that, and assume it is no longer available at the site

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

People that Dont Let Go Posted: 9/21/2008 7:19:04 AM
GapeMan. I know this is not your post, but you need to move on. You sound exactly like my ex-husband. This kind of thinking and behavior will destroy any happiness you might find in life. He did this to me for 11 years, wanted so desperately for me to fail at life. He also did things to try to make that happen, I hope that is not the case with you. After many years this takes a terrible toll on a person's happiness and life. Holding onto that kind of negative obsession is only hurting you, while she is going on with her life. I think maybe you , need to seek counseling. I do not say this mean spirited, but a kind warning to a fellow human being. You are destroying your life, with all of the negativity and obsession. Move on !

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

Does alone matter any more? Posted: 9/20/2008 8:37:10 AM
I spent alot of years alone, and it didnt matter. I came to this site, and really didnt care if I met someone or not. Mostly spent my time in the forums, reading and sometimes posting. I didnt really have a desire to meet him at that time. I was open to the possibilty , but really didnt believe it would happen, and really didnt care either way. I was very complacent, and knew it at the time. Then I met someone, and all of that changed. It reminded me of the feelings of having someone close by, were. Of the possibilities. We saw each other for a while, and now we are not. It didnt work out, and it was the first time in many years that I wished it had. I didnt realize I was ready for a relationship finally, after so long. I guess being with someone for a while, made me realize what I had been missing for so long. But meeting someone you feel that way for, is not an easy thing. So I guess I would rather be alone , and not hope for the happiness, like before. Then to know what I am missing. Leaning back toward complacent again, as I have met some men since then, and there was no connection. Not that they werent nice people, just not the same.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Saint Anger Posted: 8/24/2008 5:20:00 AM
Anger is something we all feel at some time or other. It is good to act on, if it gets you moving to better your situation. It will sometimes give you the strength to deal with an overwhelming situation. If it is not important enough , or is just from how someone unimportant made you feel by their actions, most times it is better to walk away from it. I work in a high stress job, and people lash out due to stress. It is no fun being at the receiving end of that unjustified anger, but is the person really important enough to allow them to hurt you with their words? Probably not. This happened to me , not too long ago, and I looked at the person and told them, I would not comment on their behavior , because we would both say things we would regret. My instinct was to defend myself and also lash out with similar anger, but I fought the urge to do that and walked away from it. So when justified and needed, anger is something we need to feel, and deal with, other times it is just a wasted emotion.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Is love dead? Posted: 8/24/2008 4:43:40 AM
Funny , I just had a very similar conversation with my sister last night. Not so much the physical/sexual part of love, but love itself, all of it. There are so many couples living together, married and sharing homes, that do not share their lives. Just existing under the same roof, and not connecting whether emotionally or physically. Going through the motions and sharing a residence. Then also there are so many singles, even in our age group, who are hoping for love. Not sure if it is even worth it, seeing all the failed ones around us. We are the dreamers of what could be, and they are the reality of what is. We all want the perfect relationship, to share and be loved, to love someone. But we all do it in such a guarded way, untrusting, wary. It is very sad that the whole concept of working together to make a life, has been so abused and used up. What ever happened to two people sharing not only a home, but also a life together? What happened to the romance and the putting another before yourself? Why two people can not continue to work at making it good? Are people too selfish now, that they can not care about another enough, to compromise. We have lost the belief that it can happen, experiences have shown us too often that it does not. I think we are too afraid to hope for the happiness sharing our lives with another can bring. It is a sad thing to lose hope, to not be able to dream of a shared love, but I see that happening all around me. I also see couples that are not connecting with each other. It is very discouraging. I have been single, as in unmarried for a very long time, raising my family. I hate to think that the reality of a relationship , is something I missed out on.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

I am the dream...you are the dreamer. Posted: 8/24/2008 4:13:12 AM
I wouldn't mind being someone's dream at night, If that person and I were together during the day. To be just a dream, would be not dealing with the truth of who we both are. But if we knew each other and were a part of each others life, being the subject of his dreams (not nightmares) could be kind of nice. I am not a dreamer, I am too realistic.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

Zoomers - A reborn generation! Posted: 8/24/2008 3:44:56 AM
I dont know about the rest of you, but I have actually slowed down and learned to relax as I got older. When young and raising my children was the time to "ZOOM" around, out of necessity. Now I take my time and only have to worry about zooming to get to work on time. Life is slower and more appreciated now that the need to rush with multiple schedules to meet has past. I am not quite over 50 yet, but if I have my preference, I will slow down even more as I age. When the stresses of life are behind us , somewhat, dont we deserve to take things at an easier more enjoyable pace? Though it is a good way to put more pressure on the consumer to spend more, do more, etc.

summerbout

Joined: 9/20/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Has anyone gone through this??? Posted: 8/6/2008 5:33:53 PM
I think you already know the answer, and all of these people gave you the advice you need to hear. Move on and give her the space she seems to think she needs. If you two are still dating though, you should talk to her about it. You should try to explain to her why, as another poster said, let her know "you are serious about what you want for your life, and you are not a door mat", was a good way of putting it. She is used to you waiting around for her, if she really truely cares about you , when she is ready and able to commit, I am sure she will let you know. It sounds like she needs a friend now more than she needs a relationship. It sounds like she is a bit stuck in the past, and hasnt the room for a new relationship. It is sad that sometimes people are not over their past, and ready to move on, but they still involve others, before they are ready. It only winds up hurting the person that they would be with, if they had been emotionally ready first.

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