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Thread: confused... need some advice

Joined: 9/23/2006

Msg: 53 (view)

confused... need some advice Posted: 6/19/2008 6:15:36 PM
OP, i've read through the previous posts and want to suggest something for you to consider... how long was he out of his previous relationship before he started dating you? Six months into a new relationship is really not a long time... my experience is that some people deal with breakups by getting into another relationship relatively quickly. There's a BIG possibility that he went back to someone he was with prior to you that may have demanded a committment. He got with you and although he liked you, it didn't take the place of what he felt for his former woman. In situations like this, consider yourself lucky. Sometimes we SAY we want honesty, but do you really want to know that he went back to a former girlfriend? If you're truly intersted in moving on, imagine the absolute WORST thing he could have told you as the reason he was breaking up with you (i.e., he violated his parole and he's going back to jail to serve the mandatory sentence for aggravated child abuse or something like that) keep that tape running around your head and move him out of your life. To continue to see him without knowing why he stopped your relationship is a big hint that you're not the person he's selected to be his emotionally intimate partner. You're fun and exciting but not someone he views as a life partner. Yeah, this is difficult to hear, but it's life. You may have felt he was "All that" but by the way he treated you, he didn't feel the same way and there's absolutely NOTHING you can do to change his mind. To try would be futile. Have a good cry, sulk for a week or so, then buy a new outfit, get a new hairstyle and start fishing!!!

Joined: 9/23/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

What does it mean when your GF doesn't know why she likes you? Posted: 5/8/2008 4:31:14 PM
It means that she is using you for your body....

Joined: 9/23/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

wtf am i doing wrong? Posted: 2/24/2008 11:29:07 AM
Hi OP!! I read your profile, it talks about you, but it doesn't really say what you're looking for! Would you like women to contact you that are exactly like your personality, or do you do better with a ying to your yang?! Besides not dating anyone with drama, you don't say what type of women you'd like to meet. Any lady that's a Batman fan gets the title, you're witty but you don't do anything to seal the deal! If you want ladies to contact you, you gotta ask!!!!!

Joined: 9/23/2006

Msg: 45 (view)

Separated=Purgatory A recently single guys take on things Posted: 2/10/2008 8:40:23 AM
OP, I'm separated and it says so on my profile. When I'm contacted the gentleman know that we have not physically lived together for two years and that I only began dating about six months ago. Alot of what the other posters say is true. If you're not emotionally ready to date, you're only going to meet someone who wants to "fix you". Have you considered that no woman wants to be the "rebound" girlfriend? If all you talk about is your wife, that makes for a very one sided conversation... Going to the movies alone isn't so bad, it's the talking to yourself that gets you in trouble :)

Joined: 9/23/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Are you ready for this? Posted: 1/4/2008 4:02:05 AM
Great observation OP! Sometimes it is difficult to know if we're ready, or we don't know what we want .. beginning the dating process allows us to figure out what we're looking for (without hurting others!!)

Joined: 9/23/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Attracted To A Married Woman Posted: 11/10/2007 10:33:44 PM
Umm, since you're obviously only thinking of yourself, step back and think of the other members in your family. If this woman has children, and you are instrumental in the break up of her family, umm, do you think the husband will ever let them be around you? After the passion wanes and she starts missing her children, what do you think will come of this lustful experience? Will she obviously be attracted to a man that cause her children pain? Maybe she's not thinking clearly and flirting with you because she wants attention and she knows you'll provide it. If you have ANY strength of character, you will not get involved in a drama waiting to happen. What you are contemplating will impact EVERYONE that's in your family, why would you want your family members to pick between you and her husband (and quite honestly who would be on your side?)

Joined: 9/23/2006

Msg: 330 (view)

How many dates are people actually going on from this site? Posted: 9/27/2007 9:28:22 AM
I consider when I put up a picture as actually "being" on the site versues just lurking LOL. I've been on one date with someone I met on this site and had quite an enjoyable time. I think if one's purpose IS to go on a date, then it will happen. For those that haven't gone on A date, have you considered going to one of the POF parties? It may take that first step to bring you closer to starting to date. Happy Fishing!

Joined: 9/23/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

My first POF date Posted: 9/16/2007 5:55:46 PM
I'm sorry your first date was a loser! But if you think of it in terms of sales odds, you're one date closer to a fun date! And to the poster who suggested that you speak with someone first before you agree to meet, that doesn't always work. I yahoo messengered and spoke with on the phone the first gentleman that I went out with from POF. I thought we had a nice, drama free time, but he never called after our first date (not even to say he thinks I'm scum of the earth LOL!) So...talking on the phone isn't always an indicator. You handled in a way that reflects you as a person. I'm beginning to understand that strength of character is how we treat people WE DON'T know, versues how we treat our families and friends

Joined: 9/23/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

IS THIS GUY PLAYING ME OR IS HE JUST WEIRD? Posted: 7/22/2007 8:42:30 AM
I'm so sorry, but I think he's playing you. The whole purpose of HIS actions is to make you unsecure about your instincts so that he can talk you into doing things that you normally wouldn't do. People (women do it also) like this prey on "nice" folks, he couldn't pull this with someone whose "from the block" because they would have called him on it already. Cut him loose quickly! Continuing to hang around him is going to make it hard for the next guy. Your initial instincts WERE CORRECT!!

Joined: 9/23/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Am I in the wrong? Posted: 12/2/2006 10:53:50 PM
I don't think you're wrong but have you considered a different approach? Is there a counselor, therapist, clergyperson that can offer some suggestions on the best way to handle this situation. As you know, there's nothing you can do about who your child's father has around your daughter without a court order. Does his family like her? I'm sorta in a similiar situation. My soon to be x-husband has a girlfriend who I despise. At this point, I can make sure she's never around them now, but after we're divorced my lawyer told me that there's nothing I can do about where he takes our children and with whom. I'm going to tell his mother and get her assistance!!!!! If you're concerned about her parenting skills, document, document, document, get some sort of statement about your child going on a bus unsupervised if you want to take some type of formal action against HIM. You really can't do anything about her besides telling your x that if HE's not going to spend time the ONE day a week he sees his child, maybe you can convince him to leave her with you.

Joined: 9/23/2006

Msg: 41 (view)

can you stay friends with an ex? Posted: 11/15/2006 5:35:26 PM
X-boyfriend or X-spouse? I'm friendly, but not friends with some of my ex's.

Joined: 9/23/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Boring People Posted: 11/15/2006 5:24:32 PM
This girl is not boring, she's just immature. If you don't want to see her, just be straight and tell her this isn't working. There's no way you can't hurt her feelings, but there is way for her to move on and not be bitter. If she doesn't understand that you don't want to see her, that's just another indication of her imaturity.

Joined: 9/23/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

The trials and tribulations of shared parenting Posted: 11/4/2006 6:11:13 PM
Your daughter has two parents. Just because your x has made a decision about what your child eats at HER house, doesn't mean that your x has the right to decide what your child eats at YOUR house.

Joined: 9/23/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Married or not? Posted: 10/25/2006 10:33:26 PM
What you have to ask yourself is do you want a married man? He's married! So, do you think that all you're worth is someone else's husband???????? This guy is looking for someone who doesn't want a REAL relationship, just someone he can escape his life because he's an irresponsible jerk. If you want to walk into a relationship being #2 or #3 or some place than #1, continue to accept his phone calls and chase him. My advice, find someone else!!!!

Joined: 9/23/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Is it possible for a man to have bad s%x? Posted: 10/10/2006 5:41:48 PM
Is it possible for a man to have an unpleasant sexual experience? This is a serious question. During a heated argument my husband said that sex with me wasn't any good. (I never heard any complaints the first seven years..) I'm sorta putting myself out there so please be kind (and truthful) Mods: if I've violated any posting rules I apologize in advance

Joined: 9/23/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Is it OK to feel sad even though you set yourself up for the fall Posted: 9/30/2006 7:32:20 PM
So.... umm.... where is your moral compass in all this? Does it make you feel powerful to have sex with a man that is married because you think you're better than his wife? GROW THE HELL UP!!!

Joined: 9/23/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

My husband left me and my 2 kids 6 weeks ago and now wants us back Posted: 9/30/2006 8:19:26 AM
Please get assistance with Al-anon and get assistance for your children with al-teens (if they are old enough) There are really two separate issues you're dealing with 1) a marriage 2) an alcoholic spouse. the other advice I would offer is please don't try and find someone to date, it's too early! Use this opportunity to do things (activities, crafts, hobbies) that YOU enjoy. Once you start getting involved in things for yourself, in your life, you will have less time to think about what he's doing and what he wants. You'll be in a position to decide what you want, and if that includes him, that's okay, but it will be YOUR decision, not his. Good luck!

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