|Why are men turned off by women with kids?|
Posted: 10/3/2006 6:52:15 PM
I guess, I had hoped for something different as I entered the dating world again. I really shouldn't be surprised, there have been people who have not liked the same thing as me for as long as I've been alive.
Still though, it sort of stings to see grown men referring to children as baggage, and discarding the potiential for different relationships because the children in the situation are not their own.
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret guys. Until the baby is up and walking and talking? Primarily it's the mom's show. Now I know there are exceptions to that rule, and I am sure about a gazillion of you are going to jump up to tell me about them, but the truth is..going through the pregnancy, the birth, the first two years? You're job is to support us. You can't get pregnant, you will never have that particular bond with a child..I went through 36 hours of labor and an emergancy c-section, my ex didn't. Newborns while miracles in tiny blankets, are a lot of hard work and most of that hard work falls on the mother. Now, of course there are those rare men out there that take on their fair share of the first year of life and get up in the middle of the night to make bottles, or change diapers, or sing lullabyes..but in my experiance, the mothers tend to do that. Not only because the man has to work or whatever, but because we -want- to do it, even if we're dead tired and complaining bitterly the first time anyone else takes our child when they need something we feel like someone kicked us in the gut.
My Ex didn't have much of a relationship with my son for the first year., he wasn't as enthralled with every little movement of his hands when he was 3 weeks old, and he didn't marvel at the mere fact that he was alive when changing a diaper.(Holy run on sentance Batman!) However, now that my son is talking, and playing and becoming a boy? He is having a blast with him. Now the fact that he puts a bandana on his head and runs around screaming 'Arrr!' like a pirate enthralls his father, and they can roll on the ground and play for hours.
The point of this huge long post is this...that sometimes, what you want when you want kids? Is whats going on right now, with a kid that someone else made. Not everyone has drama with their ex's (Even if mine and I can't be married any longer it doesn't mean that he and I can't be friendly for the sake of our son) not everyone is going to expect you to shoulder more than you should, and not everyone is going to let you build a relationship with the child and then take it away.
Look, if someone doesn't want me because I've got a kid? Great..saves me the trouble of figuring out later that this isn't going to work. There are so many superficial reasons not to like me (I'm chubby, I'm too tall, I don't have a car, I like knitting..) if you can get past all of that and then discard me for my son? Then let me go ahead and thank you for not even messing with my head.