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 Author Thread: Why are so many profiles empty shells?
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Why are so many profiles empty shells?
Posted: 7/22/2012 5:37:16 PM
Going with "this is not gender specific" too.

I've seen profiles with nothing more than a photo or two with "Will fill this out later" written even.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 192 (view)
 
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/10/2012 7:37:39 PM
I can see a phone number in the very first message being too fast because I will wonder how many other phone numbers she gave it out too in the first message. I got one in a first reply and it didn't work out.

However, if we are not exchnaging phone numbers or planning a meet within the fifth message the person is truly wasting my time. You will not get to know the person in text and chances are they are too scared to meet anyone from here. They can also lie to you about anything. You cannot get a feel for who they are until you have at least heard their voice or seen them in person. They can tell you they are a millionaire with 5 houses and 20 cars. Look at the very extreme stories on here. Do you really want to message someone fifty times and find out the person is nothing as to what he claimed? It's happened to me.

This site is for meeting people. I see no point in messaging someone over and over again that does not have the courage to take their face away from the computer screen and meet someone new.

The "exchanging personal information" is ironic too because people have apps for everything on their cell phone as it is. I would not be surprised if the same people that claim they don't want someone ringing their phone 24/7 are using an app that dings that same cell phone everytime someone sends them an email.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Calling And Texting GF EVERYDAY!
Posted: 7/4/2012 6:25:49 PM
When I am in a relationship I maintain some level of contact daily. Not necessarily hours of conversation but I like keeping in touch somehow whether it be calling or texting. Calling works really well for me because I really get to know the person.

I notice people I meet who talk on the phone tend to be a lot more attentive to their partner and much more organized which I like. Texting is much less personal but allows for things like multitasking but is also subject to a lot of miscommunication. I also notice the texters are much less organized and scattered. A happy medium is nice. Being able to listen and talk to each other about how our days are going is really nice and allows for a much more personal connection.

I don't like the idea of a relationship where someone ignores their partner one day and talks to them the next but some couples are like that. That to me is much more suited for casual daters who are not looking to get serious.

However, people do have plans sometimes, so I don't like the other extreme of somebody possibly getting angry over not being able to call on a really busy day.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 46 (view)
 
A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/3/2012 1:28:00 PM
I would say this is a common interest that you sound like you pretty much require from a partner as a shared pashion.

There are some people who only feel comfortable in certain types of relationships. That's why we also got religion-based dating sites and even pet-oriented dating sites out there. For all we know there could be some book lovers dating site out there.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
is online dating self defeating?
Posted: 7/2/2012 6:41:23 PM
Honestly do both. Get involved in activities and leave the profile up. Just make sure your profile is neat and presentable.

I feel that being in America and this age of technology people are becoming less and less sociable and more into pixels on computers and cell phones. People are slowly losing the ability to converse with one another personally. Staying at a computer for long periods of time is easily a big cause of people's depression.

Leave POF as something to look at if you have time at the end of the day. If you look at the forums you will see the numerous rants guys make about messaging so many women and not getting responses. These people tend to be seeking out a partner to fill a void in their own life instead of making themself happy without the need of one.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 29 (view)
 
No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/2/2012 6:33:30 PM
I have some on mine but I don't see a problem with anyone not having any because I would assume they didn't feel the need to or most likely did not see that they could put them up.

Personally I am mainly here to see if a person wants a serious relationship. I had my profile written out before for casual dating and it did not attract good-hearted people. So I re-wrote it more formally and had it reviewed.

I filtered out things like hang out and friendship. I have friends and don't need to make more, especially off of a dating website. I can see that causing confusion for a potential partner who is looking for a serious relationship if I were talking to numerous girls off of this site. I did not put a mile limit just in case forum members wanted to talk.

I would not call these "dating criteria" and I would not be surprised if people lied about them also just to get in touch with somebody. I have already read stories about people bypassing the character limit and such. But I can see them sending an indirect message about somebody being more serious on here.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Maturity In A Relationship
Posted: 7/2/2012 6:15:17 PM
I just treat others the way I want to be treated.

I tend to find that the people who boast about how mature they feel they are tend to be the biggest offenders by condescending other people. It turns into an ego issue for them whenever anyone disagrees with them on another viewpoint and then those types of people end up judging others very heavily for something they simply don't agree with.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Dont Understand
Posted: 7/2/2012 1:23:39 PM
4-5 hours of phone talking a night sounds very smothering in my opinion. This could possibly be an infatuation that was put to rest. The long distance could have become a reality and he killed it. Overall, only he knows the answer. Sounds like this became an unhealthy attachment in my opinion that was severed very suddenly without explanation.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Fighting Over Text Message
Posted: 7/1/2012 7:01:42 PM
"Fighting" over text messages is mostly likely through misunderstandings since texting doesn't fully mean it is a conversation. It's like being able to be in the "driver's seat" mentality where you don't have to deal with the person you are "talking to."

I do texting myself but phone conversations are really where the conversations are. Being in my mid 20's I see so many people unable to carry a conversation or even look me in the face and I attribute this to the many disconnections social networking and texting are having when it comes to communication skills.

This is also why I don't converse much on site to potential dates and take things offline asap.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Winning Someone
Posted: 7/1/2012 3:40:13 PM
Seee? I don't get this. Why would a woman want to go out with a man that thinks she's nothing special?


They'll become something special when they can show their partner that they truly value the other person the same way but until then they are just another person. I would only be that blunt about it if they had a big ego.

It allows for a natural connection in which both people can truly be themselves and not modify their behavior just to try to get into a relationship that was never meant to be to begin with. This is why I have been told that a relationship with me has been "too good to be true." The connection is natural and not artificially made.

You'd be surprised how many profiles have extensive shopping list requirements in them(many of which outright show men that they look for possessions) yet they never really state any incentive they have on why the person should contact them. They'll state they want to commit but a commitment with them just ends up looking like a life of slavery to their narcissism when I read their profile. Yet people contact them based on their looks alone. A huge reason I have not contacted a lot of people back from these sites is that many of them don't show me that they are someone who will appreciate what I have to offer which means I don't pursue any further. I only put in what I am willing to lose. This includes my time.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Winning Someone
Posted: 7/1/2012 7:47:47 AM
Just ask them "What makes you so special?"

To many people have such a combative approach to online dating that I feel their egos get in the way from previous meets that they mistakenly bring into their next meets. It's easier to spot in the "ex-boyfriend" ranting profiles luckily.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Why do men and women go back to someone from a previous relationship?
Posted: 7/1/2012 7:27:06 AM
I don't like it. I break contact completely. Worst is when the girl is into the yo-yo effect.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Why does Society look down there nose and people who remain single
Posted: 7/1/2012 7:21:56 AM
You don't owe anyone an explanation for how you conduct your life. I'm single and don't care. If someone were to give me that reaction I'd say "What do you care?" Most of the couples these days rush the biggest issues possible like marrying and moving in together after a few months yet people can be ok with it.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 23 (view)
 
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 6/30/2012 9:26:24 PM
I've gotten some over the course of the months. I can't remember how many off-hand. I've also gotten first contacts on OKC as well. I do see what people mean with bigger girls trying their luck across the site but I have also had girls of other builds message me as well and lead to meets.

I used to message girls back when this was all new to me but online dating for me has lost its newness factor so I just leave the profile up. Plus a lot of meets I have gone on keep me from wanting to message girls these days.

Oh and it is impossible to be 10/10. When someone has a negative mindset they'll find something wrong with you no matter what it takes. Plus a lot of people on this site have completely unrealistic expectations.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
One Line Replies (from Men)
Posted: 6/29/2012 6:08:19 PM
This is not gender specific. I have gotten "hi" as a message, or many similar things. Keep in mind a lot of people have technology at their fingertips so they are used to treating this like instant messaging and all that. Someone like me only accesses this at an actual computer.

Their messages may be "weak" to you but did you read their profile? If the profile is weak I can see brushing it off. But the messaging should be kept simple because people who message too long tend to get their hopes up about the other person and then one or both of them get disappointed when meeting in person because they formed their own perception of the other person. Online chatting is void of many elements that are needed in conversation to really get an impression of who you are meeting. You miss out on their tone of voice, how they carry a real conversation vs. an online one, their body language, and what they really look like. A lot of people online put up fake pictures and when you meet them it is horror. Many people also lie in their profiles so there is not much you can really get to know them. The initial meet is where you really start getting to know them.

I do not converse on this site for a long period of time. I typically give contacts 5 fairly simple messages max and if they don't want to talk on the phone or meet in person I move on. If they "want to get to know me better" they should actually read my profile(you'd be surprised how many people don't read profiles). It's allowed me to meet many people without the hassle of spending time at a computer messaging someone who will not meet me. If a person tells me they are unsure about meeting in person I typically don't think they should have a profile on the site at all because they're just going to say the same thing to everyone else anyway.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Confused and need advice.
Posted: 6/28/2012 6:36:50 PM
She is holding you in a position that allows her to get all the attention she wants from you but not allow you to have her. It's a game. She doesn't want to commit to you but she wants all the luxuries she'd get from one with you. It's not fair to you.

It's something that is real easy to spot, but easy to overlook when feelings are involved. You honestly need to get yourself away from her before you get hurt because chances are she could end up doing this with other guys in addition to you if she is not already. If she is not in a relationship to you it "allows her" to be like this with anyone by stereotypical "rules" even though it would hurt your feelings to see her with someone else. This is probably someone who would create drama with you if she saw you with another girl even though she has turned you down.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 73 (view)
 
What do women think of men who are not into sports AT ALL?
Posted: 6/28/2012 6:22:55 PM
The extent of my "sporting" interests are things like bowling and shooting pool but they are purely recreational. I don't follow any sports teams or anything like that. I did go to a Yankee game a while back with some friends and honestly it seemed like people were just going to get drunk at $9.50 a bottle.

I like active things and some downtime like any other person would. But I don't follow stats or teams or anything like that. I do read girls profiles that say they like sports. Most of them say they want to go to the games and not watch them on TV. Honestly though, I haven't had many meet ups where sports was a really big topic.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 6:37:07 PM
It's quite common for many people. A lot of people even say the first date went great.

Honestly, meet as many people as you can until one just clicks. Don't even assume you'll have a second date with them. Just go have fun.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 35 (view)
 
First Date...
Posted: 6/26/2012 6:32:15 PM
My first date idea says this

"The best means of meeting for me is a cup of coffee. It's relaxed, public(safe), and can be as short or as long as we'd like. Plus it can give us a chance to truly get to know each other. If you have another preference let me know and we can work something out. "

Picture your date ideas of ziplining and rafting. You get prepared for everything and you arrive at your meeting point and the person looks nothing like his profile and is a totally different person. It's very real. I know from experience. People lie in profiles quite often putting jobs they don't have to make their income look like 6 figures and photos that aren't them.

It's honestly hard enough for a lot of people just to make a meet happen as it is with all the stories of people being stood up and such, let alone make any big date commitments on here to go along with that.

The other thing with chatting over coffee is that I can get to know who I am talking to before doing any such activities with them. I want to know my partner's personality, background, and so on. We can't get to know each other if we're doing such activities so it would be like doing them with a stranger.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 11 (view)
 
What should I do?
Posted: 6/26/2012 6:23:19 PM
Depending on the distance it can work out, for others it can't.

I would honestly just leave the profile up so you can get any possible messages from someone interested and get the car when you're in a position to do so before actively pursuing anyone.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Relationship Advice .
Posted: 6/25/2012 6:07:45 PM
That depends on the man.
You'd have to ask him.
Not all men "know what they want" either.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Do weddings make you jealous?
Posted: 6/25/2012 5:58:16 PM
They don't make me jealous because when I always get the backstory to why the wedding happened. The things behind the scenes of couples is not always what you see at the ceremony.

Plus a lot of couples divorce nowadays quite quickly showing how truly devoted they were to each other.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Relationship Advice .
Posted: 6/25/2012 5:00:02 PM
The only relationships I get into are ones where we talk everyday. If I can't get that from a woman, I don't bother.

I like hearing how their day was, what they're up to, where they're going, etc. I also like telling them what's going on with me regularly too. The best question ever is "How was your day?" because it opens up so much stuff. I always thought that's how relationships should be and I never liked the guessing games with the whole calls who. I always like having things planned out.

I have been asked if it was "clingy" for one girl to call me on my lunchbreak and I told her I welcome it. As long as I know what's going on I don't see why not because it helps us get to know each other.

If you're "bothering him" then chances are he don't like you and you deserve better.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 6/25/2012 4:46:35 PM
I've met about 6 girls last year and 3 this year(I also have an OKC profile). I've been contacting people a lot less honestly. I keep my radius short so the same few people come up and if they disappear, they come back later on.

The main thing I notice is that people don't take the online seriously. Proof of it is in my "meet me" folder. It's got like 69 meet me requests(I had a premium profile at the time so please don't take that as bragging) yet the ones that seemed ok when I would contact them would either not respond or get all "embarrassed"(over the internet how ironic) because they didn't realize it would alert me when they clicked.

The ones who do want to talk, don't want to take things offline, they typically say "I want to get to know you better" which is when I cut them off. I've stopped writing back and forth to flakes a long time ago and I'm also one who has had unfortunate instance of meeting a person who looked nothing like her photo. So I realize how easy it is for people to lie in profiles and messaging so if I write back, I see if they want to exchange numbers fairly quickly or don't bother.

I have wondered if areas had much of an impact sometimes. I was in CT and I was able to get numbers a lot easier than in NY. I don't know if my headline saying I was new to the area got girls curious or if I was just in a nice neighborhood.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 21 (view)
 
I dont know what to do...
Posted: 6/25/2012 1:46:29 PM
Reject her. She's rejected you already and yet facebook friends you. You're being played. You're not going to get this one back honestly as nice as it would be for you.

Make an effort to remove your feelings for her and refuse to talk to her anymore. She knows each time she talks to you that you will tell her how much you want her. It gives her an undeserved ego boost. So if she ever feels the need to be appreciated she knows she can contact you knowing she won't have to give you any feelings in return.

If she contacts you again just tell her you're busy or you don't have time to talk to her. You could even flat out tell her she isn't worth your time. Just keep it short and simple when cutting her off. It can become a reality check for her.

When you do cut her off don't be surprised if she starts coming around more often(they do this a lot when they don't feel accepted). If she does this it will mean more temptation for you but take it as a big warning sign that she likes chasing games, and the people that fall for them end up in really unhealthy relationships.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Single worded e-mails...looking for more content...
Posted: 6/24/2012 7:36:59 PM
Happens to both men and women.

I just got another "hi" tonight myself. Third one she's sent me. Each "hi" days apart. I don't respond.

What I have found that works for me is a better profile. Not sure what yours is like but I know for a fact that a better profile for me has yielded better results.

Don't rule out messaging men on here either. If you look around on the forums you'll see that it is highly encouraged.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
This was a little weird....
Posted: 6/24/2012 7:27:47 PM
Block and be done with it.

Don't invest time in people who are not worth it.

Thinking about it will only make it worse.

Only message people you want to meet in person.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 28 (view)
 
For show or really a need for help?
Posted: 6/24/2012 6:50:15 PM
I've had my profile reviewed because I wanted other viewpoints. I got advice that I liked and would not have thought of myself and took it. They were simple things like timestamping photos and such. People like me like making a good presentation. If I message someone, and they view my profile, I gotta be able to show I am not like other people on this site. So many of the men on this site and spamming letters just to have the other person open up a bad profile then come online to the forums wondering why they are not getting replies.

Why are the reviews mostly from men? Because there are women on this site getting messaged with nothing more than a photo and a profile description of "Will fill this out later." A lot of them keep wondering why they can't get a quality guy but if they keep getting messages with what they got they are continue to follow their fallacy hoping a good guy will come along. They don't realize that when guys like me see photos of a girl holding an alcoholic beverage with her arm wrapped another guy that I click away from her profile. If they got a review they would be told otherwise.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Is there anyone else that hasn't gotten a date?
Posted: 6/24/2012 6:17:52 PM
Separated is a dealbreaker to many people, including myself. It means your divorce is not finalized obviously.

People do know how long it takes for a divorce to be finalized but I know if I got a message from someone who was separated I would be turned away. I don't think it is a good idea trying to get another relationship going when the previous one hasn't been fully closed off yet. Others may be up for it but I know I am not.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 6:02:52 PM
I have looked at other womens profiles (cause i'm nosey that way), and I cant believe some of the profiles! It all about them, them, them! And they keep adding more and more crap untill it just a ****fest! Or they will go off and list all the issues they have and how hard it is to get over them all. And they think they are all that! Too much ego! Am I too nice in my profile?


Thank you for taking the time to see what men go through on these things. Sounds like you saw how narcissistic and materialistic a lot of women are on these sites. I've read everything from the "Be my shopping list or else" to "Don't be the ex I'm not over yet" profiles. I've also been one to get stuck listening to women ramble for entire coffee meets and it gets old real fast.

I've actually gone through men's profiles myself to see what women go through so I can relate. The stories women share with me when we meet up are crazy so I can see why a lot get nervous about meeting a complete stranger off of the internet.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 15 (view)
 
am i being strung along
Posted: 6/24/2012 1:35:18 PM
The thing I think you are forgetting OP is that for a relationship to develop there needs to be a mutual interest so that you don't have to ask yourself these types of questions.

She sounds like the type of person that would chase you if you were with somebody else. Avoid her at all costs and don't invest any energy with this one. She's not worth it. You can do much better. I wouldn't even call that a friendship. Friends care about each other. Hopefully you're not the one buying her drinks.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Alcoholics with depression
Posted: 6/24/2012 9:55:38 AM
With drinking being so wide-spread nowadays I even avoid messaging women who have a photo with a drink in their hand and say in their profiles that they are out with their friends at a bar on the weekend. I just can't be bothered with them.

So many people feel they are "social drinkers" yet they are always at a bar on the weekend. Plus my personal opinion is that people who are in bars and such can't be seriously looking for someone and will be putting themselves into bad situations with tons of drama(this friend cheated on her with him and such).

I have definitely gotten involved with someone who had the fixing issue. I told her she had a messiah complex. I feel the fixing types can't have a good relationship because if the person is ok they either get bored or force the relationship to go wrong so there is something to fix. I don't feel the types of people who fix others go anywhere past the infatuation phase. They look to feel valued by positively influencing someone's life but onec everything is ok they are unable to settle.

The downside to this is that when the person can't be fixed they indirectly are settled into a bad relationship and have trouble finding the strength to get out of it.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 9:39:38 AM
I like to look at profiles individually and make my decision off of that. I can see some people needing the age requirements though especially in the lower 20's because I have seen many profiles from girls saying not to message them if they are old enough to be their father. A lot of older people are trying to pursue girls in their 20's.

I don't recall having any other mail settings Plus if someone from the forums wants to message me I wouldn't want to have them filtered out by the distance filter and such. So many profiles lie so if someone did drugs they could just say they didn't do drugs and contact me anyway.

I've seen profiles go way worse than just having a lot of message restrictions. I've seen profiles make shopping lists of stuff they require in a partner like must have their own place, must have a Bachelor's degree, etc. at the bottom of their profiles. To me those types of people should be avoided at all costs.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 45 (view)
 
How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/23/2012 7:23:31 PM
View it as doing him a favor by cutting him off, and send a polite good bye if you feel the need to. Anyone who is allowing themselves to have strong feelings before even meeting is someone who really needs to get a hold of themselves emotionally.

Next time you have no interest in someone, don't respond. People may complain about this but it is so much better than having someone message you repeatedly.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 36 (view)
 
How Often Do POF Friendships/Relationships Really Last?
Posted: 6/23/2012 5:05:14 PM
I know 2 people who are engaged or married off of other sites. It does happen. I'm going to say it's just flat out random.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 13 (view)
 
the vanishing man
Posted: 6/23/2012 1:39:24 PM
I browse the forums from time to time and read about vanishing acts quite often. The usual response is "He's married" or something similar.

I think the hard part from breaking away from them is that the attraction was very strong and you are left hanging with no explanation. It also causes so many questions to arise that you may be left very confused. Many people here have learned to be numb to their first meet ups and take caution when getting to know a lot of people online.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Preferred mode of contact?Need some help boys...
Posted: 6/23/2012 1:31:25 PM
Believe it or not, men love being messaged. I get them from time to time and even though I may not see an attraction, it is always nice to see a women put effort into trying to get a relationship going. It'll separate you from the average woman who waits. A woman sending a message shows character.

When I am not interested, I typically don't reply, but I'd never consider them a bad person for trying. You got nothing to lose when sending a message. Go through your online experiences without gender roles. Just seek out what you want and go for it.

You'll most likely get more preference too if the guy has any other potential people he is going to meet too since he'll see that you're actually interested. A lot of guys are never sure if the people they message are ever interested. But if he sees you making contact, he'll be more reassured that you are looking. I honestly see gender roles diminishing in this day and age.

I'll give you things I prefer when I get contacted.

Good profile, with well taken photos of face and full body(but nothing provacative).

Well written optimistic profile. I see a lot of profiles that are rants and those are red flags to me.

A good message that is fairly casual.

I don't really care about favorites or anything like that because I usually just message back and forth a little and get the number to plan a meet. Taking too much time online often yields bad results. Send a few messages, exchange numbers, and just meet up(publicly).
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 5 (view)
 
How important is a Good Photo..??
Posted: 6/23/2012 9:00:59 AM
What gets my attention first?

Someone who seems genuine in their composure.
Seems happy.
Has good quality photos(in things like pixelation, lighting, etc).


What ruins others?

Photos with the opposite gender.
Photos with alcohol and bar scenery.
Photos with them just plain not in them(like a random photo of a car or flower).

Photos are critical, I don't take messages from people without one.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 20 (view)
 
why does nobody ever reply or want to chat?
Posted: 6/23/2012 7:52:34 AM
Your profile is short and brings up how girls won't talk to you. Plus you only have 1 dim photo. You need to raise the bar on that big time. You're sending out messages and these girls are going to click your profile and see barely anything about you and brush you off. Plus depending on how you message them is a big deal. Plus, outright saying you're messaging other girls even with a really nice profile right there is going to give them a bad message. You can go to the profile review forums and get advice there. I highly suggest you do so. Personally, I never use the chat function unless it was arranged which never happens. Just focus on making the best profile you could make that still shows who you really are. Don't spend all your time messaging girls. Invest all that effort you're wasting on the girls who don't reply to you into bettering yourself as a person.

People on here should not be any priority to you until you meet in person. Plus, even after you meet it is not guaranteed "love." I don't think the love should even be brought up until you've spent a good amount of time with them. Read the stories about what people go through on these things. People on these sites are instantly proposing to people, stalking, using fake photos, standing people up, being secretly married, etc. The list goes on. You don't want to be rushing into things with someone you don't know.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 113 (view)
 
Dates who show up, see you, and then leave...
Posted: 6/23/2012 7:31:54 AM
Closest I have had was one girl arrange I arranged a lunch with who never followed through. She was supposed to send me a text when her lunch came up at work. She never texted me back that she couldn't make it. She seemed like the type that just enjoyed the attention. I faded away from talking to her as someone else came up who was actually following through and meeting up with me.

I did have one girl who looked nothing like her photo. It was interesting and my friends liked her ironically, but she had so many issues that I had to get away from her.
 rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 15 (view)
 
No reply or polite refusal?
Posted: 6/20/2012 4:35:01 PM
No reply works fine for me.

If someone replies I assume it's because they are interested in me and want to talk further. Plus when you send a rejection to them it becomes an open invitation for them to try to combat further with questions like "Why aren't you interested" and such so they can try to convince you otherwise.

The only times I really send polite rejections are when they have tried more than once which has happened.
 rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Why the hate for Video Games?
Posted: 6/20/2012 4:27:22 PM
Well I guess this is a topic for me to chime in on. I play video games as a hobby and even have the Gears of War logo as a tattoo. I have my own job and place but was never into watching TV because video games are interactive to me. I also have hobbies outside of video games(pool, bowling, and I go to the gym a lot).

Video games are a hobby like any other hobby. The thing is that they have received a lot of negative feedback over the years from the addicting edges developers have put in them. The girls who despise them have usually have dealt with a real addict at some point. Chances are the addict denies being an addict but actually plays hours and hours a day with the excuse of "I can stop anytime I want." There's plenty of people living home with their parents jobless playing video games 6+ hours a day. It's very real.

There are also plenty of people like me who don't play them every single day for hours and hours. The thing is when you meet those real addicts who do play, if they aren't playing that game, chances are they are talking about that game with somebody else. Even I can't be around those types of people.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Career Vs Lifestyle.
Posted: 6/20/2012 3:47:29 PM
If your potential date is mature and understanding she will understand your circumstances. If she is judging you from the surface without getting to know you it is her loss. It is perfectly understandable to not want to date someone who is going nowhere in life but she should be able to see that you're going 1 step back and 2 steps forward.

Dating someone who lives with their parents can also be a hassle if the person is stuck dealing with their rules and all that. You also have to deal with the parents' rules and possible curfews and all that. I dealt with one who was very tied to her parents and it became a nightmare because she constantly had rules to follow that would make you feel like you were back in high school. Needless to say that did not work out. That's not to say everyone's parents are like that. I lived with my parents for a very long time and could come and go as I please and paid them rent.

Personally, I try to avoid bringing up living arrangements if I can because even though I live completely solo in my own apartment, you never know what the intentions of the other person are. I constantly hear stories about people moving in instantly and then the disasters they get themselves into with lease problems and so on and it's to be expected when people move in within months of getting to know each other. I'd rather be out with the person as long as possible doing activities to bring us closer together as much as possible before bringing matters into each others' homes. If a person's bringing up living arrangements too soon it can easily be seen as a red flag.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
When the man moves fast and furious....
Posted: 6/19/2012 6:08:33 PM
I have gone from messaging online to calling the same night multiple times which is followed by planning a meet that works for both of our schedules. The only part I'd take caution about is the statements of him being serious.

The main point isn't necessarily to go right into a relationship but moreover to meet in person. All the messaging and such is nothing until you meet face to face. I prefer to talk on the phone prior to meeting too because it gives me a chance to get to know them a lot better. You can tell a lot about a personality this way.

Messaging online for too long typically results in one or the other person getting feelings for someone they think they know, but most likely ends up being a totally different person behind the computer. What ends up happening is they end up meeting in person and finding out they are two totally different people. I'm not even including people who lie or have hidden agendas either. They can tell you whatever they want when they are at the computer. I highly doubt you'd want to be messaging someone for a week or two just to find out they were using fake photos the whole time.

If he's making statements that involve feelings and such before meeting then I would take a lot of caution, but getting to a meet asap with respect to each other's schedules is really the main goal here which is the only real way to find out if you two are truly compatible. Just follow basic safety issues and you'll be fine(meet publicly, etc).
 rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Question for the guys: How many messages does one need to send to get dates?
Posted: 6/18/2012 6:21:34 PM
When I first tried the online sites I used to message a lot, but honestly, I don't really send out messages much anymore, but I leave the profile up. It became stale. I'll get a message every so often but it tends to be someone I am not attracted to. I have meet some people last year and some this year as well.

I focused on making my profile presentable and accurate this way if I get viewed I will get messaged based on who I am. If the person is not interested, no big deal. I also made sure I got good pictures up because they are key along with a well-written profile. This is followed by a big key step that I know a lot of people forget, carrying on with their lives.

Basically instead of messaging tons of girls just focus on yourself instead of feeling the need to reach out so much. Go through some self-discovery and ask yourself why the girl is so important and what can you do to keep yourself happy without the need of one. Fill your day with more activities instead of messaging 2200 girls. Leave POF as something you come home to and have a random email on. If you want to send out messages, keep it simple. If you really feel the need to send out that many messages, ask yourself why you need a girl in your life so bad compared to just wanting one in your life.
 rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 39 (view)
 
is it a turn off if i dont want you to have my number
Posted: 6/17/2012 5:25:41 PM
After 3-5 messages I ask for a number exchange if I think they are someone I want to meet. If they don't want to exchange, I move on. Whether those emails last days or are instant, it doesn't matter. But I limit each contact I get to no more than 5 messages so I don't end up wasting time emailing someone who will not meet me. I also preferrably like to have a conversation over the phone and if there is chemistry we'll be able to schedule a time to meet down the road that works for both of our schedules. Phone conversation is not required but it is so helpful in terms of getting to know a person.

I have a cell phone and a laptop. My cell phone has no data package so if I am not at my laptop, I cannot logon to POF. My cell phone can block numbers and I am sure all cell phone providers have that kind of feature by now. I have never had to block a number yet. Plus I am sure many people are accessing POF from their cell phone anyway so it really is the same idea. If a person really is that cautious about giving out their number, they could do things like get a prepaid phone and such. If a person doesn't put effort into meeting, then they won't meet anyone.

Simply put, use common sense when giving out a number. For example, checking over the profile(which I wish more people would do) to see if it is well written is one way to get an idea of who you are contacting compared to people who message solely off the pictures. Both men and women make this mistake. So even though the person may have messaged you for a short amount of time, there is still general bio of that person to go off of. The person made this profile to attract the type of person he wants to meet(which is you in this case when he messages you). So if the person put effort into their profile and some effort into messaging as well there shouldn't be much reason not to go further.

The main problem with messaging too long on the site is that writing back and forth is a conversation that is missing many elements of chemistry that would be picked up on if the two people were talking face to face or talking on the phone.

The most common mistake people make is forming their own idea of who the person is compared to seeing who that person really is when meeting up in person. So people will write too long and form feelings for someone who they don't realize is another person and the two people meet face to face and end up finding out they are totally different people. This is why I am biased for the idea of talking on the phone as it also makes that first time meet a lot easier since you'd have already had a conversation with that person.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Throwing my profile out there for review.
Posted: 6/16/2012 8:48:02 PM
Found that dress up photo amongst my files. Looks ok to me after all.

Checked the guidelines you mentioned. Liked the idea of timestamping as it can ease the idea of possibly meeting someone using outdated pics.

I got one photo with sunglasses but with other photos I don't see it being a problem for me.

I also click away from any profile from someone who has an alcoholic drink in hand(personal preference as I don't want to date a drinker).

If any creative captions come to mind I can throw them in. I'll see if I can get some photos as I go along through my daily life.
 rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Throwing my profile out there for review.
Posted: 6/16/2012 6:42:54 PM
Thanks. I see what you mean with needy and unnecessary. They got clipped out.

I have a dress up photo but it is so old and looks different. I can put it up and see if it looks too different from my current look.
 rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Throwing my profile out there for review.
Posted: 6/16/2012 5:58:34 PM
Throwing my profile out there for review. I feel I gave a good rundown about myself and what I am looking for but still want some outside opinions so I can see what others think when they read the profile. If you want to be really helpful give me the first sentence that comes to mind after going through it.

If I get the chance I am going to try to get more recreational pictures. Just tough to get pictures when doing the activities and all.
 
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