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 Author Thread: Why be on an online dating site if you're ashamed of it?
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Why be on an online dating site if you're ashamed of it?
Posted: 3/17/2010 4:34:10 PM
I found out one of my friends was on the site a couple years back. When I messaged her saying "I see you!", she got all freaked out (she knew I used POF, but didn't think she would show up on my matches) and told me.. Don't tell any of our friends I'm on here! I'm so embarrassed about it and I don't want anyone to know!

Although a few days later we were at a party and I asked her about her POF experience and she had nothing but bad things to say about it, so she ended up deleting her account.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 449 (view)
 
short women/tall men
Posted: 2/8/2010 11:04:04 PM
I'm starting to think the guys on here who keeps talking about the same information and statistics over again are just looking for something to talk about, because there's too much energy on making a statement that does absolutely nothing positive in dating and relationship, and it's the wrong avenue to even talk about something like this.

Even if it was completely 100% fact, it's not going to change how females find what is attractive. The same goes with fat women, tall women, single parents, or whatever else.

Don't deal with something that can't be controlled. Like I said before, there are different ways to go about it, and this is not the place to do it.

Call women whatever you want, but nobody's going to find that attractive.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 411 (view)
 
short women/tall men
Posted: 2/7/2010 12:02:55 PM
Ok, I know that it's being brought up to stop these negative images or whatever. But even in that case, is this the right avenue to do it? You guys are on a dating site calling out potential significant others that they're this and that! An avenue and alternative to something that is suppose to give people an extra option to finding that someone. It's like going to a our favorite restaurant with an empty stomach and telling the chef he's the worst thing that's ever happened in this restaurant.

It doesn't make sense to do all the speaking out here because its self sabotage. Look at all the women that have contributed to this post and see their position on the matter, how attractive does this make all the short guys when they have to defend themselves because its like they owe short guys anything.

Lets just assume that all the women that refuses to date short guys, drop all the explanations, excuses, or whatever you want to call it. Every single one of the writing on here saying, "Yes, we're shallow, we think short guys are unattractive, they're the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to social status, and we'll never date them, end of story."

So they've admitted that they're shallow or whatever you want to call it. Then what? They've finally admitted it, and what position does it put the short guys on this dating site? It gets the short guys no where, and just further justifies what all of these studies, documentaries, movies, etc all along.

All these posts have done is make the women feel more defensive about dating short guys and puts us in a bad light, on a dating site no less.

That's why I'm saying if there is a place to speak out about these issues, this is definitely NOT the place to do it. If the short guys feel so strongly about it, they should do it elsewhere that doesn't put them in a position where it self sabotages their already "lack" of potential dating options.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 388 (view)
 
short women/tall men
Posted: 2/6/2010 2:22:55 PM
I fit in the 5'5 category, I haven't seen the documentaries but I don't think anybody should be watching these documentaries to use it as fuel to the fire, because it's unproductive and it's self sabotaging. Threads like these don't give short guys a good name at all because it's the same constant arguments over and over again. Even if it so happens that girls finally will say "Yes, we are superficial, we don't think short guys are worth dating because they're inferior and they suck in bed, they make good lamp posts and they can't help us get stuff in the cupboards." what does that do? What are these threads trying to achieve?

I think what I'm looking at is, ok there are numerous studies, documentaries, movies, whatever that support the idea that short guys have the "short end of the stick". I get it, there's an issue here.

But how is all this information going to help short guys on a "dating site"? It's been discussed so many times on these forums (I'd say as much as dating young single moms threads). Instead of just discussing the same old stuff that the world is against us, why don't I see any posts that specifically discuss what could HELP short guys, or fat women, or single moms better themselves to have a better dating life? Instead, it's constant banter back and forth between the guys and girls, on stuff that's been posted over and over again? How many times does the likes of Steve Penner has to be brought up?

This, and pretty much all other short guy threads, is like 50 pages of cut and pasted text, because the same stuff gets said over and over again, yet there's no point to it all because the same counter arguments comes back! It's like Tom Hanks speaking to Wilson on Cast Away. I'm surprised this thread hasn't been closed just like all the other short guy threads.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 369 (view)
 
short women/tall men
Posted: 2/5/2010 7:36:30 AM
I'm wondering though, for those that are having such an issue with this (the guys anyway). Are they being proactive in anyway to find a girl? In a sense that they work at bettering themselves?
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 267 (view)
 
short women/tall men
Posted: 1/25/2010 5:35:47 PM
I can relate, however I never really had much of an issue finding dates. Almost every girl I've asked out said yes to me and they were all different shapes and sizes. My current girlfriend actually asked me out.

Although I've definitely had my shares of downs for being my height. I was always short, from elementary school to adulthood I was the short one. All but a couple of my good friends are about 6 feet or taller, so I stood out like a sore thumb in group pictures

I think when it comes to dating, you have to get noticed. Since height is such a big factor, girls will ALWAYS notice the tall guys first. I see it all the time since my friends are all much taller than me, and when we're out anywhere, probably 95 out of 100 times they will get notice first. More often than not, I'd say 1 to 2 girls out of 10 would look at me, while the rest would look at them. (Rough estimate of course).

So for short guys, you go to a playing field where the odds are better. You better yourself and make yourself more suited in every where to be a good long term partner to whomever the future girl will be. When you do that, you feel better about yourself, you get more confident and at times you'll feel like you're 10 feet tall.

I noticed it the most when I went dancing (it so happened to be a thing I'm pretty passionate about). I can't say I've found any other place that evened the playing field for me than when I go salsa dancing with my dance partner (who was already in a committed relationship, but loved being my wing woman). It didn't matter how tall other guys were, I got the attention because I was really good at what I did.

Short guys already have an automatic weeder system from being short. If the girl's not going to date a guy because of his height, he seriously wouldn't want to date them. No matter what the gender is, insecurity is super unattractive and when it seeps through so blatantly, the short guys have dodged a huge bullet. Short guys can thank their height for not being with those girls.

But I'll definitely admit, short guys do have it tougher when it comes to dating. I've had girls say I'm too short to date, I've had buddies and female friends try to set me up with their single female friends in the past and the first question the girls would ask is "how tall is he?". It didn't matter if I was Casanova or Bill frickin Gates, without even knowing anything else about me I was written off. But hey, life is never fair and you just make the best with the cards you're dealt with.

Or what I heard one guy say in the past.. You use the lemons given to you and you make lemonade.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Dealing with the kid's mother
Posted: 12/31/2009 3:42:51 PM
Just thought I'd throw in an update as John received the paternity test last week, but didn't tell any of us until 2 nights ago.

As to the surprise for all of us, the paternity test came back with a 0% probability that the baby girl was John's. Him and Jessie called the paternity test coordinator and verified 3 times and indeed John is not the father of Jane's baby.

Jane texted him the day before and said that she doesn't care anymore, she's just happy that this is all over and was willing to pay for half of the paternity test. John didn't respond back to her and left the situation behind. As for John, he wants nothing to do with Jane again as he has basically severed all ties with her. While talking to John's sister over the holidays, apparently throughout the pregnancy Jane has been trying to convince everyone who remotely knew John that the baby was his, and tried to get John's sister to side with her. So that involves all of our female friends, friends of friends, relatives, etc.

So I asked what John has learned from all of this, and what he's going to do now that he pretty much has a clean slate to work with. He says he's going to sever all ties with Jane because of the strain it put on him and Jessie's relationship, and he doesn't ever want to see or hear from Jane again. He realizes how great Jessie is, and he's not going to screw up the relationships with the people close to him. He's even gotten professional help with his personal issues.

Nobody has been able to get a hold of Jane because we were all convinced the baby was John's until the paternity test, but hopefully someone will be able to get in touch with her to see how she's doing. I can't imagine what she's going through right now.

I don't see this going well, and I really think Jane's going to leave our group of friends for good. I don't know if she's going to seek the father (whoever that may be) for financial support or emotional support due to the fact that she doesn't have any good friends outside the people we already know. So all of us pegged the baby girl belonging to a random guy she slept with, we know she was sleeping around with a couple friend of friend of friend's around that time. I can't imagine how her parents and relatives are going to feel now that they know the father is not John's, when Jane told everyone it is John's.

What a start to 2010..
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Dealing with the kid's mother
Posted: 12/16/2009 2:47:26 PM
Oh, and Jane has no intentions of giving up custody. This was said months ago. Jessie's angry about that too because Jane doesn't want Jessie to be involved with the baby girl.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Dealing with the kid's mother
Posted: 12/16/2009 2:46:07 PM
Thanks for the replies everyone. I think I've pretty much gotten the answer that I need to help them deal with the issue, but I thought I'd throw some extra details out there just for sake of discussion.

Even before we heard news that Jane got pregnant, some of us have already told John that Jane is going to want to be more than FWB because he was up to his old tricks even though they both know he had no intentions of being in a relationship with her. Jane would tell us that John would feed her all these lines, but yet when John talks to us, he says nothing of the fact. Since then we all knew it could potentially turn very ugly because it's within the circle of friends, and everyone hangs out with each other on a weekly basis.

Anyway, Jane was on birth control that whole time they were FWBs, but of course there are rumors flying from both the guys and the girls that she might've wanted to trap him, or whatever. Whatever it was, it doesn't matter. It's ugly enough as it is. The instant Jessie came into the picture, Jane had a hate for her because Jane already had a lot of feelings for John, but seeing John in public with Jessie when we're all going out obviously made the problem even worst.

I talked to Jessie earlier this week and she was angry at the fact that John slept with Jane about a week before having the official relationship talk with her (Jessie), and she doesn't know if she can handle the fact that the baby is from Jane. She's also angry about the fact that Jane's been throwing insults at her when she had pretty much nothing to do with it other than being in a relationship with John (She wasn't aware John and Jane were sleeping together) until a few months ago. Yeah, that discussion between John and Jessie didn't go over well at all.

Jessie's willing to stay with John for now, although her and I had a talk and she mentioned being confused and angry at John for what he did, and the fact that he's been caught so many times with small lies (lets just say John lies quite a bit.. us guys give him crap for it, but it hurts Jessie a lot obviously). So I'm not really sure if she'll be with him next year, although it seems like John and Jessie are working through their problems as she's been in a relative positive mood about the whole thing this past week and have talked about them in the long term. As for John, none of us have been able to get him to talk to us because he doesn't want us to see him.

But one thing all of us friends did agree on, and that was he got what was coming and now he has to live with what he did for the rest of his life.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Dealing with the kid's mother
Posted: 12/16/2009 12:02:53 PM
Backstory - My buddy slept with one of the female friends in our group of friends last year. Female friend will be called Jane, and Male friend will be called John to make it easier for me to explain the situation.

As time went on we kind of considered them FWBs because we all knew John was not in it for a relationship. Jane knew it too as it was laid out before they started sleeping together. As time went on, Jane started developing feelings for John and John kept feeding Jane lines to string Jane along (We know this because John's had a history of similar behaviours with previous girls, and the fact that what Jane tells us and what John tells us don't always match). All of the previous girls he's done this to got over him and found someone else to have a relationship with, whereas Jane never did find anyone else. She's had very bad experiences in the past with guys and to her, John was the best thing that's ever happened to her.

Long story short, we all found out Jane was pregnant in March and all of us pretty much knew who the baby's father is. Since then, John and Jane has stopped talking to each other until she had her baby last Saturday. Anyway, there's more to the story.

John ended up getting into a relationship with a girl (Lets call her Jessie) pretty quickly after the fiasco in March (basically John slept with Jane about a week before going official with Jessie), and John and Jessie are very happy with their relationship.

Anyway, throughout the whole time from pregnancy to birth, Jane is totally in love with John and is convinced that he will come to his senses, break up with Jessie so they can be happy together. Whereas John said time and time again there's no future between them and John and Jessie are very happy and will not by any means break up. So what's happening now is, Jane is bad mouthing him and Jessie non stop, to the point where Jessie and John are stressed about the baby, and Jane is telling everyone of our friends that Jessie is the problem.

So anyone else been in John's shoes or have experience similar issues? How did you or the person you know handle it? As of today John has gotten his mobile DNA test done, but my friends and I haven't seen the guy since last weekend because he's such a wreck. Last night he said he didn't want to come out because he doesn't want us to see him in his condition (whatever that maybe). Jessie's stressed and angry because she's being painted as the one that's causing all these issues, as well as the fact that John's very stressed because of it.

There's no need to scold any of the people mentioned in this story because we are all friends we've given our opinions on the topic, which involved some tough love, and among other things. What I need to do as a friend is to help both of them go through this, and get all of our friends to help in the process.

I think I've given enough details for the story for my question, but I'll be happy to give more if it will help the discussion.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Do you really, truly enjoy going to the gym?
Posted: 12/3/2009 2:29:46 PM
I don't enjoy going to the gym, but when I go to the gym, its because I don't want to sit at home and I have nothing to do. I stay fit by playing competitive sports and only go to the gym to lift weights.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
what else are you doing to meet people beside online?
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:59:05 PM
When I was single I would go to singles events.. they'd offer stuff like archery classes, sushi making classes, whatever..

I also tried speed dating, joined coed sports teams where I didn't know anyone, or just join a team where I knew over half the people.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 164 (view)
 
Why do women keep insisting that it's harder for them to get a date?
Posted: 10/28/2009 7:59:22 PM
I don't think women will ever have it harder for them to get a date unless they are absolutely hideous and have absolutely no social skills. For those I think that say it's harder, is probably because they are not pro-active enough about it, as in they don't put in another effort to help themselves get a date. They could still be cute/gorgeous, whatever.. However, if the girls don't get themselves out there, they are not going to get noticed and they are not going to get dates.

So that's probably why. They fear rejection, or they're traditional, or they're chicken.. whatever it is.. more often than not, they're not getting dates because they don't take the initiative to give a good vibe, throw hints, or flat out ask a guy out. So they hang around hoping the guy would ask them out, and the guy either is not interested or doesn't have the balls to do it.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Are North Americans less direct?
Posted: 10/11/2009 5:44:47 PM
I thought I'd update on this thread because I'd like to see if I can get more discussion on this topic. The friend has now started talking to headhunters in London as she prepares for her move in 2010, and after talking to her recently she's absolutely convinced that she's single because indeed Europeans are much more direct than Canadian guys.

I went to London with my family in June and I visited one of our friends that live there. Somehow we got to talking about our friends, relationships and dealbreakers, so our London friend brought up the "Direct-friend" in regards to the topic. Apparently our "Direct-Friend" has a laundry list of dealbreakers that MUST be met in order for her to date.

The more I heard about this list, the more I thought that it's not because Canadian guys are less direct, but because her laundry list is kind of strange (to me anyway).

Some of her dealbreakers include common ones like,
- Man has to be taller than her in heels, he needs to be educated and ambitious, etc

Then our London friend brought up other dealbreakers like..
- Man's parents cannot be divorced, man must have never been married, man must have never had kids with another woman.

I had to stop our London friend before she could list the rest when I heard "Man's parents cannot be divorced." I don't really know why things like parents being divorced would be a dealbreaker. Her parents are still together so I thought perhaps it's important for the guy's parents to be together as well? I have no idea. But I don't see how that could be a dealbreaker.


Any thoughts or experiences?
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Meeting a girl for the first time in real life...
Posted: 10/10/2009 2:19:36 PM
All of my first dates involved hugs when we first met..
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 2570 (view)
 
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 10/3/2009 9:04:59 AM
I won't date a woman with kids.. I'm on the fence now whether I want kids or not, but if I was to be taking care of kids, it'd be one that was made by me, not by an ex boyfriend or husband.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 54 (view)
 
She's Too Into You!
Posted: 9/24/2009 4:26:00 PM
Girls who don't understand the concept of alone time.. as in, my own time without her around me.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Pickup Line Comebacks You've Used.
Posted: 9/7/2009 3:17:14 PM
A line my buddy used back in our late teens.

We'd be at a club or a place that's playing loud music.

He'll see a girl he wants.. so he goes up to her.

Him: "Would you like to dance?"
Her: "No thank you!"
Him: Does a gesture by his ear and act confused, "What?"
Her: "I said No!"
Him: What do you mean No? I said, "You look fat in those pants!"

Girl walks away..

I wish I would've seen a girl throw at drink at him or something. That was the bet, but we always lost.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
So whats the real truth??
Posted: 8/19/2009 12:07:37 PM
Nobody deserves anything in life. If you want it, you have to earn it, or you have to go get it.

I don't see how you shower daily and having a great personality have very much to do with it since everyone knows physical attraction is important. Unfortunately, media makes out that thicker girls are less attractive than skinny girls, so you might be waiting for a while since "good looking guys" means they probably have more options. But best of luck, I'm sure there's a "good looking guy" that likes you for what you are.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
 
what do you guys get up to on a sunday
Posted: 8/16/2009 3:36:05 PM
Sundays are usually alone/miscellaneous time, or sometimes I'll go golfing.. More often than not I'll do some cleaning around the house, go grocery shopping, etc.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Do we internet date because we all have an ISSUE?
Posted: 8/12/2009 7:33:55 PM
Yeah I have an issue

- I play soccer and ultimate frisbee 4 days a week to stay in good cardiovascular shape
- I weight train twice a week
- I work a 9 to 5
- I'm finishing a designation in my field through correspondence
- I meet up with friends and family at least 1-3 times a week for a quick drink, dinner, whatever
- I need my alone time, I run errands, do things I want to do (Salsa and Tango, other dance lessons), etc.

That's my weekly schedule.

Out of those points, the only possibility for me to find a girlfriend is the last two point. I don't date girls I work with, I'm focused on myself during weight training sessions so I don't talk to anybody.

So when I'm out with my friends or doing dance lessons are pretty much the only time I truly get to meet new people, whether it's at a pub, at a house party, whatever. So do I have an issue and therefore I internet date?

You bet I do. I don't have the time to go and meet girls on a daily basis. I came here 3 years ago to increase my chances, but now I'm mostly here for the forums since to me Internet dating doesn't work. I've found other organized dating alternatives like speed dating and singles events so much better and have gotten much better results.

The forums are great though.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Speed dating vs. online dating
Posted: 8/9/2009 4:58:30 PM
I've tried both, and I've had pretty much the same luck in one session of speed dating than I've had from online dating since I joined in 2006. The last girl I was with I met through that speed dating session.

Since finding speed dating I've given next to no effort to online dating. I got 7 minutes to speak to each of the 15 girls, and in that 7 minutes it gave me enough information about each one of them as a person to know if I'd take that girl out on a date. I've had corresponding emails in the past that just went nowhere, and felt like I totally wasted my time putting in the effort.

On top of that, it's more fun talking to someone face to face rather than typing over a keyboard.

I'm thinking about registering for one this Thursday actually. I had such a great time and luck from the last one I'd want to do it again.

As per range, the one I went to was based on age range. They're within about 8-9 years. So this Thursday, if I register, I'll be going to one where the guys and the girls are between 24 to 33.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
ESPN says no to tweets
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:47:50 PM
I don't see the issue with tweeting about their personal lives while working (IE. ESPN), there are many other ways people kill time anyway, whether it be cyber slacking, shooting the sh1ts with coworkers, etc. I don't see what the problem is. Company policy is company policy, but policies are meant to be changed as well.

In regards to tweeting. Celebrity twitter annoy me. When twitter went mainstream it was interesting to see what people were doing. I followed Ashton Kutcher and P.Diddy because rather than just tweeting about what they're doing, they gave more materials. Like Ashton would broadcast live from his home on a webcam, or P.Diddy at the awards show with his personal assistants running the webcams backstage or at the parties he's at. It was interesting to see stuff like that rather than just reading basic text.

Twitter may not be THE innovation, but it's definitely a good basis to work on for the future of digital media. Most of the "people" I follow on twitter are sites that generate news of interest, so I no longer have to read online newspaper or even get the newspaper anymore, I open my twitter client in the morning, and start reading next to real-time news whenever it comes about. It's a solid groundwork for the future of digital media.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
NOT shy and NOT NERVOUS about first dates/meetings.
Posted: 7/27/2009 4:30:53 PM
I'm never nervous or shy for a first date, they're always a good times!! (well I've only ever had one bad first date).
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/26/2009 6:09:26 PM
I'll never asked any of the women after the first or 2nd date to be exclusive. I've never been able to make a decision after 2 dates.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Nice guys and gal pals
Posted: 7/15/2009 6:15:16 PM
I don't think there's a "window of opportunity". When the girl is interested, they're interested for a long time, so I don't know what this window of opportunity is all about. I also think there are enough jerks and a$$holes in this world that women would jump at a chance to be with a decent guy, hence my reason on why the window of opportunity deal is false.

Gal pals are gal pals for a reason, if there's residual interests then you or her needs to do something about it because there's a disconnect. Either go find someone else or set the record straight, or else you'll eventually get "unloaded" on when you don't want to be "unloaded" on.

Take control of your dating life, that's what I would do if I was in that situation. If she's a gal-pal, keep her there and leave it at that.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 144 (view)
 
gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/12/2009 6:42:40 PM
From personal experience. When she said take things slow, it means you guys are not exclusive. So don't wait around, and go date other people. Remember to NEVER put all your eggs in one basket, don't invest everything into this girl in these kinds of situation because you guys are not exclusive. Don't make her a priority when she's considers you an option. Stay in touch with her, but keep doing your own thing and see other people.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Speed Dating - Does anyone have experience with this?
Posted: 7/10/2009 9:11:06 PM
I did it back in February and had a blast. Ended up getting 3 matches and was dating one of the girls I met there until recently. I had next to no issues having conversations with the ladies and found the 7 minutes we had was not enough time as we had to end it after the bell was rung.

I wouldn't think of any interview questions or anything that has anything to do with dates. Pretty much just asking what they were passionate about took up the 7 minutes of conversation required already, so it blew by really fast for me.

I'm going to do it again in August.. I don't have any other experiences from male friends, but my female friends that have gone on Speed Dating were a hit and miss..

It's just like meeting new people in real life at a party pretty much. I had a good time :).
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
My list, is it too much to ask?
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:35:12 PM
Wow, and those are dealbreakers?

Either way, your list is your list.. but here's a question for you. If you do find someone that fits those criteria, what do you have to offer?

I think you have a better chance hiring a scientist to create you a robot who provides everything on that list 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Live and Learn I guess..
Posted: 6/24/2009 4:23:53 PM
I think you posted in the wrong thread, because I have no idea how black girls got into this topic.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Live and Learn I guess..
Posted: 6/22/2009 11:16:08 PM
No need to be sorry, that's pretty much how I saw it as well. I just would've liked it if she was more upfront about it, rather than throwing me signs that she was starting to get even more interest, only to find her have a profile on POF and then getting serious with her step-dad's coworker after she talked to for a week and a half. All of that contradicted with everything that she apparently sincerely said to me, I can understand that if it happens then it happens, but everything being contradictory? I find that hard to believe that something just happens and all the planets align and people throw away all their believes to be with a person. I can't say I've ever done it, but then again, everyone's different.

At the end of it all, I learned from this, and I'll know what to do next time in similar situations.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Live and Learn I guess..
Posted: 6/21/2009 12:12:04 PM
Met a girl back in late February, we hit it off. Things were great, we talked on a daily basis. Couple of weeks later as we got a little closer she tells me she doesn't know if she's ready for a relationship because that's all she's ever been since she was 15. She says she likes to take things slow and she really doesn't know what she wants and she says she didn't expect to meet someone like me in such a short time after her last relationship. I was fine with that, I wasn't strictly looking for a relationship anyway. As more time go by, we get closer, start talking more about us, and she tells me her walls are coming down and she's starting to trust me even more (she had bad experiences with previous boyfriends), talked about being more intimate and says she's starting to get deeper feelings for me. So that was good to hear since we were already having fun and enjoyed each other's company. This is after 2 months of us hanging out, doing stuff. Pretty much doing everything except having sex.

So before I go away on vacation I find out she started an account on POF. (I'm on here already, but I changed my status because we were dating, so I was strictly here for forums). I confront her about it and said I'm disappointed she's looking at other options. She denies she's looking at other options which I never believed. After seeing that I wanted to completely write her off, but instead I just lowered my expectations, and assumed nothing was going to happen.

I come back after a 10 day vacation, and we talked off and on during that. 2 weeks later I find out she's been seeing her step-dad's co-worker for a week, and now they're exclusive, she wanted to tell me since we were both very upfront that if we end up getting serious with another person, we would be upfront about it.

I had no problems with that. I had a problem with the conversations we had, my respect for her to like to take things slow and that she doesn't sleep around. But to tell me she doesn't know what she wants, says her walls are coming down and that she trusts me, talks about being more intimate and having greater feelings for me, only to have it thrown at my face after seeing a guy, being intimate and getting serious with a guy after JUST OVER A WEEK while I was away, makes me feel like I just got **** slapped in the face after 3 months of dating.

Her reasoning - everything just felt right, but she really wanted to us to work out. Everything she said to me was truly sincere.

Right, I'm sure that's exactly how she felt. It's kind of hard to believe what she says is sincere after nothing adds up after this ordeal. It goes without saying there's a sucker born every minute, and I felt like one of those suckers that actually believed everything she said.

It's hard not to become a cynic when stuff like this happens to sincere people that are just out there trying to find a good match. But I sure have learned a lot of lessons from the 3 months of BS. The list of things to look out for in a woman increases yet again.

Live and learn, live and learn.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Reality versus the book ...
Posted: 5/15/2009 9:31:57 AM
I agree with CassaGo

Trailgirl, I don't think I completely answered your question. That was the end of it because I was never going to call her, the whole thing with that was I wanted her to call. But after about a week I realized she wasn't going to call and there wasn't enough interest left in me (because I was disappointed that she didn't call) I just left it at that and moved on.

So my experiment failed miserably because I didn't get to see her again, but it also passed because chances are she wanted me to call her to setup another date, which was what I was experimenting on in the first place.

I didn't want to experiment anymore on great dates so I sucked it up and played by the unwritten rules, so by no means was this experiment official/gospel for anymore lame self-help dating/relationship books hahaha.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Reality versus the book ...
Posted: 5/15/2009 9:12:43 AM
trailgirl-

I didn't call her because I didn't want to play the 72 hour game, I wanted to see if I could get a girl to call me when both her and I clearly showed interest. I just didn't want to play by the unwritten rules of dating for once where the guy has to call within so many days so the girl can say "ok he's interested, on to step 2 of the how to play the dating game book for girls!" and then I can go, "ok she called back and showed interest, onto step 2 of the how to play the dating game book for guys!"

Certainly, I could confidently assume that she wasn't play games, and I didn't want to play games. But like you said, even after women's lib, not every woman is comfortable taking the rule of aggressor, and that is the key concept isn't it? The rules of the game are pretty much based from years and years of dating scenarios for guys and the girls where majority of people will perhaps see it as gospel in order to defend/justify themselves from the mishaps of previous experiences? I don't know, I've never dated for 100+ years so I can't answer that question.

We both actually said we wanted to see each other again after the date was over. I believe you are right in that sense, where I didn't call her again so she assumed I was being nice. Meanwhile she's checking her phone every 5 minutes like Gigi (referencing the HJNTIY Movie), and I'm waiting to see if she would call because I didn't want to play the game, AS MUCH as I DID want to call her.

The ideal scenario for her would've been, she called me instead and said lets get together again, rather than me call her (like every guy is apparently suppose to do according to the unwritten dating rules).

It's too bad, because she was a fun girl. But lucky me I found someone better (the girl I'm dating now).

FYI, I played by those unwritten rules with my current lady, but instead of waiting about 72 hours, I called her the next day.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Reality versus the book ...
Posted: 5/14/2009 11:54:18 PM
I hated the book with a passion, I ended up getting an ebook copy of the book and after reading about half of it I wanted to print the ebook out just so I could get the privilege to burn it. No surprise that there are males and females who do go with these rules and believe in the cause and outcome of the author's materials, but I didn't work that way, and that's why I hated it so much.

I personally felt like it took women back like 50+ years, and that it's never them, it's us. Whenever it doesn't work out, "oh he's just not that into you." I mean really? are people so stupid nowadays that they don't think for themselves and this author just so happens to have the answer to why the dating lives of these women are so miserable? I can't believe this book gets shelved in the self-help section, because obviously anybody who takes this book as gospel really needs help, and it's not help for their dating life.

Now onto the actual question of the post. When I was really into a girl, I told her I wanted to see her again. It doesn't get more obvious than that. If I wasn't interested, I just told them it wasn't going to go anywhere, and thanks for the date.

Yes, guys do get so nervous they never ask the special girl out, I used to be that guy in my late teens, then I grew up and controlled my own destiny.

No question about it, people self sabotage themselves in dating lives all the time. Guys do it but women d0 it to themselves all the time because the majority of them are so old fashioned instead of actually being truly confident (not the self proclaimed ones that just say it to make themselves sound good), they sit and wait for the guy to come to them.

I did an experiment with a date I had. We met during an archery lesson. We went out on a date and we had a great date. She told me she wanted to see me again before we were even coming to the end of the date. So I told her I wanted to see her again too (because I did), but instead of being my usual self, I refused to call her within the BS 72 hour rule, just to see what would happens. Well low and behold she never called, and that was the end of that.

I hate the book, and anything to do with the book. It gives an excuse to justify any BS in dating behaviors. In 29 years on this planet, I'm confident enough to say dating is hard because those that are unsuccessful at it make it hard.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 42 (view)
 
flirting by text message
Posted: 5/8/2009 6:23:14 PM
I love texting. When I first met my girl we talked on the phone maybe 3 to 4 times to plan dates and such. Ever since then I don't remember the last time we talked over the phone. Flirting text is fun, I do enjoy to flirt with her over text, and she's just as good at it as I am. But I believe it should be done after when 2 people feel comfortable with each other, and once the comfort is there, I don't see what the issue with texting is. It's a major source of communication nowadays.

The thing about texting is that you don't have to pay complete attention whereas over the phone you're usually paying 100% attention to the other person. I can be watching TV, surf the net, brush my teeth, whatever and send a text back seconds later. It's just so much easier and it gives me the freedom to do what I'm doing without having to concentrate all my attention on her.

I agree with another poster where the older crowd probably doesn't enjoy texting because they didn't grow up with it. Communication means have changed and this is the new way to communicate with friends, and in 10-20 years, there'll probably be other means of communication where us older people would think is impersonal or informal.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
reschedule a 1st date ?
Posted: 5/3/2009 6:23:02 PM
I think if the reason is legit, I don't see why there'd be an issue. People all have busy lives, and there are somethings where no matter how great the date could potentially be, he/she can't make the date and have to reschedule.

I'd say see what happens and not jump to conclusions. It could be a legit reason.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Speed Dating
Posted: 5/3/2009 6:07:14 PM
I did Speed Dating in February. If you look in my previous posts you can get the details.

But to sum it up, It was a lot of fun and I would definitely do it again. Its too bad I didn't find out about it sooner because I wasted so much time doing online dating.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
what type of men/women do you mostly attract?
Posted: 5/3/2009 9:03:58 AM
My past experience, I've attracted a wide range, but the majority of the women were either very young (just turned legal) or 5 to 10 years older than I was. I meet a lot of these women when I'm salsa dancing, so I don't know if that has anything to do with it.

I rarely attract girls that are in the mid or late 20s, although the girl I'm with now is in that range. Go figure.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Dance / Weight / Fitness quandry
Posted: 4/18/2009 8:03:45 PM
I still think it's a pretty good exercise..

I play provincial level soccer (I'm not that competitive anymore, but still play at a somewhat high level) and it's definitely not as good that regular routine, but it surprised me after an hour of Salsa dancing that I could be sweating pretty good.

Cardio is cardio no matter how it's done, and for those that probably aren't as athletic, it's a good workout.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Dance / Weight / Fitness quandry
Posted: 4/17/2009 1:38:11 PM
I would think that if you can get a weight challenged girl on the floor long enough she'll eventually lose the weight.

I do quite a bit of dancing myself (Mostly Tango and Salsa now), and it's quite incredible how good of an exercise it is. So maybe it can be done without actually saying "you know lose some weight because I can't throw do some of the moves." ??

I don't know if I heard right, but I think David Alan Grier said he lost 25 pounds so far while participating in Dancing with the stars? I don't watch the show religiously but the episode I did catch I think that's what he said? 25 pounds is quite a bit of weight, considering I know he's not that fat of a guy originally!
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Riders of noisy modified motorcycles, hope you are listening
Posted: 4/16/2009 8:04:23 AM
It's good to see they're doing something about it whereas in the past it was strictly profiling modified cars which I thought was ridiculous. Hanging out at a buddy's place downtown I hear at least one or two loud pipe motorcycles each hour, loud enough where a bunch of us couldn't hear each other during that time over a game of NHL 09. But I highly doubt it's going to be enforced on a consistent basis.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 17 (view)
 
obd2 code readers questions
Posted: 3/30/2009 9:50:01 PM
You can usually find what the codes are from google. My last car I had an issue with the codes and I found the code on google.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Guy asked me to call him after a date?
Posted: 3/25/2009 4:59:11 PM
oh dear, we're assuming a guy's position based on a book and a movie.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 79 (view)
 
You ever feel guilty because you MUST be attracted to a person?
Posted: 3/22/2009 4:08:46 PM
I've never felt guilty because we like what we like. To me attraction is not logical. We're all shallow to a certain extent, so I don't see why we should feel guilty because of it.

However, I don't know if anyone else has experienced this before, but some of my past crushes were based on me CONVINCING myself that they were attractive.

I've had my fair share of experience with this issue, where I would meet a girl from where ever and initially I wouldn't find them physically attractive AT ALL (but NOT physically repulsive). But once I got to talking to them and got to know them better, my attraction towards them would build up. Then something inside me would click, and I would end up asking the girl out on a date, the same girl who I had NO initial physical attraction with at all! By that point, I do get physically attracted to them.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 440 (view)
 
Liverpool F.C
Posted: 3/21/2009 2:27:03 PM
Tomorrow's game is a must win.. Man U goes down, Chelski goes down.. The title race could possibly be back on if we win tomorrow!
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Guy asked me to call him after a date?
Posted: 3/18/2009 12:32:07 PM
I never understood why the guy HAS to be the one to call after the 1st date to make a 2nd date.

But I had one scenario where I asked this girl out on a date. We went out and our date lasted for 4 hours. We had great laughs, great conversation, I told her straight out I wanted to see her again, and she said she'd love to see me again.

This time, I didn't want to call because I didn't want to play the stupid dating game where the guy has to do this, the girl has to do this after the first date, whatever.

Yeah well, she never ended up calling. So the next girl I had a good date with, I ended up calling because 99% of the time, us guys can't get away from these ridiculous rules even when we want to. Yeah, if you can't tell already, I hate dating rules.

The girl I'm seeing now, I had many female friends say (don't call her the day after, but call within 72 hours), I didn't listen because I hate the rules, so I called the next day. 3 weeks later, we're still having a great time together and she's cooking me dinner at her place tonight.

F&%K the rules. That's all I have to say. If you want it, go get it. Common sense is all that you require. At least be true to yourself even if it didn't work out.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Do I have the right to be.....
Posted: 3/13/2009 8:11:35 PM
Did you at least give him some kleenex and pat him on the head?
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 491 (view)
 
What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 3/13/2009 5:39:54 PM
I've learned that there are new and better ways of meeting dates than looking at pictures and reading resumes.
 thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Are North Americans less direct?
Posted: 3/13/2009 5:07:00 PM

I often wonder if I'm in the wrong city, province, country, because it seems that men from other places appreciate their women more and are not afraid to say so!


True enough, but I wonder what's the reasoning behind it? And are we talking about women/men that are vacationing, living here long term, or grew up in another city so he/she is the flavor of the month?

I'm going to use women as an example since my example is from my friends. I've heard too many times from a couple friends that the women from (insert city here) are absolutely gorgeous. But I personally don't think it's really the case, I think it's the fact that they're from "elsewhere" makes it more endearing because I've never been able to say that going to another country for vacation or living short term has shown me that Canadian girls are the least attractive out of all the countries I've been, I went to Italy and was thoroughly disappointed (No offense to Italian girls of course). I know there are guys out there (I personally know a few) that find foreign women who are new in town attractive, to a point "More" attractive than someone who have lived here for a longer time. It's like it gives these guys a boost of confidence and asks her out just because the girl is "new" in town.

Could that be a possible idea? where its just the fact that they're in a sense the flavor of the month?
 
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