brad29483: Online dating lends itself to the most opportunistic... 20 zillion other guys trying to get her number, and get her out on a date. If you don't work fast, you are out!

bluesman2008: In twenty years, you'll be complaining about not getting nearly enough booty calls.

markohearn: do girls really mean it when they say "No Games"?

I would love an Honest response to this question, because, as an (almost) 40 year old man, I'm tired of 'games' myself. I feel my own biological time clock ticking (I sure ain't getting any younger!) and don't have a whole lot of patience for trying to figure a woman out, and for her trying to figure me out. I'm a straight-forward, lay my cards on the table kind of guy. So what gives? EVERY SINGLE TIME ( caps used for emphasis, not shouting) I lay it out like it is, I get ignored, but as soon as I start laying on pickup lines, I start getting attention. I don't think this is too much to ask to help me understand what women want. Thanks in advance for any responses that come my way.

JAXI_2008: At the age of 34, and with 2 children, I have come to the realization very recently that my priorities have changed dramatically with regard to relationships.

I find that I am far more focused on future career aspirations, along with visions of the the kind of life that I would like to create for myself down the road. This may or may not involve a partner. THAT realization was quite astounding for me to come upon. I believe that in my 20's I was MUCH more relationship focused than I am currently. Perhaps then it was more about "family", thus the desire to be coupled, or even married. I may have even believed that I *should* be part of a partnership in order to succeed or achieve to the highest levels of who I had hoped to become.

I haven't quite decided if this realization is due to my age and maturation, or if simply signifies where I am mentally, at this part of the journey.

Now that you're in your 30's, have your priorities re-arranged themselves regarding relationships?

If you don't have children, or if you've never been married, do you still feel that "relationship focus"?

ameera: You know him, don't you. He may have dumped you and told you that there was something he wasn't getting in the relationship or that he found someone else. But then he comes back . . . weeks later, months, like NOTHING is wrong expecting friendship or sometimes even reconcilation.

Has anyone else ever experience this. Someone behaves outrageously in a relationship, it ends and then they contact you like nothing happened and expect full reconcilation -- and this is important -- without discussing or addressing what happened.

I have had this happened to me more times than I can count and I find it so amazingly bizarre and outrageous!

I'm curious if anyone else has dealt with this and if so, how they deal with it.

Someone behaves outrageously in a relationship, it ends and then they contact you like nothing happened ...

diamondgirl2727 : You can still know this person is going to be in your life even though it ultimately doesn't work out. The feeling for me is one of instant recognition, almost like the proverbial cupids arrow hitting you smack dab in the middle if your forehead! You just feel like you have known this person forever before you ever do.

torquoise pixie: DharmaF, thank you fir your lovely reply. I can very much connect to at least two things you are talking about or that I was reminded of in myself when reading your posts.

The first one is that I have huge difficulties in admitting to someone that sometimes I feel vulnerable or lost. Particularly to those friends and family members who I feel would feel sorry for me or try to fix me. One friend in particular - I have spent so much time convincing her how much I love my singleness and how perfectly together I have it all, and spent even more time advicing her what to do regarding her abusive husband, that I got to a point where I felt I could not show any vulnerability of my own to her. And of course I realised this when I very much needed to tell someone. Since then, I realised (with a help) few things. One of them being that when I was convincing her about how much I love my single life, I was actually convincing myself.

And this takes me to the second thing your post reminded me of - skipping the unpleasant part of the grieving process. That is so me. I had a huge loss in early 2007 - my husband has left. I can only see now how much I resisted to feel the pain, to take the time out, how I just forced myself to get over it asap, but it all needs it's time, doesn't it.

Arpeggia2: Dharma, Congrats on turning 40 this year! Don't dread it, it was the year I blossomed and started a new life too. I gave up everything I owned and moved to Canada. Things have not really worked out here but I learned a lot about myself and I have tried many new things. I'm sorry for the losses over the year though.

Serenitycw: dharma f, i understand the fires. i spent years putting together a company and it burned for two days to the ground. with all our stuff, antiques, pictures, and complicated project work and library. a candle maker exploded in the basement of a mall, and we had the offices on the second floor. had it been twenty minutes later, about ten of us would have been dead. i've also walked through severe flooding and once had a car drift in the water. it makes us feel very, very vulnerable and powerless. these times also were around holidays and important events.

i think that those of us who are normally grounded, can occasionally come up against freaks of nature and situations that are so outside of our control, that we fall down right on our butt, because we are not used to it. it's at those times that we feel most vulnerable and alone. however, that vulnerability is also a motivator, to not remain alone. otherwise we may be grounded, but are not necessarily moving in the right direction in terms of connecting, which is a part of living.

as to the new year's kiss, stick to the band and i know you will get several (or at least hugs) if they are your friends. many of my past friends were musicians and they always took care of and watched over me. just let them know, that you fear that moment. also remember that a good percentage of the couples may not necessarily be having a good time. at times, we can over dramatize and believe me, i bent the ear of one of my pof friends the other night, doing just that!

so, don't go to bed early, just toast the new year! i wish i had musician friends in the area i live now, to go hang with. consider yourself lucky. and if you think 40 is bad, 60 is worse. but as a consolation, female sexuality only improves after 40, so how bad can it get?!*

hey everybody, alone or not, the next year will bring us new tidings. a toast!

torquoise pixie: DharmaF, I know very well that it takes a lot of guts for someone who is proud to be independent to admit they are suddenly finding themselves bothered by their singleness. But my thought is that just because you feel that way now, it does not mean it will not pass and change into something else.

As for it being just part of the journey of growing - isn't everything?

djchickie401 : DharmaF....you're freaking me out girl, you are one of the posters I read in here who keeps me grounded. Like you, I enjoy my alone time and don't worry about holidays in regards to being single, tho I do enjoy being around friends and family this time of year.

I'm so sorry you had all that happen to you. : (

I turned 40 this year also....along with a couple of friends, and we've all been thru one stupid thing after another this past year. Small things, major things, almost nothing positive. Good riddance, 2008!

I think this "off" feeling you have is being caused more by a bunch of things happening to you in a short span of time; that may be what's making you feel this way. I think you'll bounce back from it. E-mail me if you need to talk or vent or something...

pinciperro: So, I am sitting here thinking this morning about how everyone on here can bash and chat on about their ex, and I thought to myself,,, Hmmm.... what would my ex say to someone that I am in a potential relationship with.. So, I pose this question to you the forum posters... What would your ex have to say to someone that you are dating?

A.S.: All this hot talk has me thinking ..

Does it really matter if someone else thinks your hot?

What if you don't believe it?

What if You think You're hot, but no one else seems to?

Is it "cool" to know you're "hot" or is that "hot" too??

But seriously, if I think a man is hot, but he is insecure or thinks he is somehow inferior .. well that diminishes his hotness a degree or 3, same as someone who is too up on their own self.. Vanity isn't cool - or hot!

So, how bout 'you'. If you think someone is hot, but they do not.. are you cool with that?

Thoughts?

btw - this is Not about the "men/women who think you are hot" feature that admin is querying. This is about "being Hot", "Knowing you are hot" .. and/or the person you think is hot and how that would change depending on their own personal hotness meter.

((there are no toasters or coffee pots being given away in this thread .. unless you brought your own, in which case just leave it at the door .. thank you!))

SweetSmartNSassy2: dharmaf, so, ok - you chose to marry a man who may have had some things about him that weren't perfect but that you were willing to live with. fine.

since you have brought up the issue of people who have NEVER married (shame on us!) and have TOO high expectations of what we want(ed) in an SO, I've got to reply to that. maybe some people do have very high, unrealistic expectations when they're looking for a life partner and that's why you feel they have never married. you also state that you feel the author of the article is catering to those people. how unfair and hurtful to go on to state that we would dismiss someone only because they have bad breath. neither the author or you are qualified to make those judgments.

so here we go again - the raging battle over who's more stable; the married and divorced, or the never married. people stay single for many, many reasons, just as people get divorced for many, many reasons. to say unmarried people are way too picky and unrealistic in their wants and dislikes of a potential mate is really way off line.

why can't all of our choices be respected and not bashed to death in these forums?

My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year. (It’s hard to maintain that level of zing when the conversation morphs into discussions about who’s changing the diapers or balancing the checkbook.)

GGarbo: I'm curious to know if anyone stayed single for a significant amount of time because they felt they had a soul searching journey to go on that they couldn't do in a relationship?

If so: 1. Why did you have to go that journey solo and what were the reasons?

2. What sacrifices, if any, did you have to make?

3. What did you learn from the journey?

4. Do you find your new awareness makes you rely on relationships less?

5. Has it impacted your relationships at all, if so, how?

Do any of you feel that the online dating thing has somewhat alienated you from starting offline relationships?

Iconoclast X: I think a lot of people you meet on the internet are socially awkward or shut-ins or some other issue.

I have never let the 'net replace my real world social life. In fact, it has made me more appreciative of my friends. My friends rock. I am so blessed.

I have met several men from POF but none of them were ever second-dateable. I met the man I am seeing now offline. There is no way in hell I would let the internet interfere with offline relationships.

And you said that you were comfortable with him? Let him know that you were now at the same place that he was at? While I can not justify what he was doing, as it's hard to tell from just these comments, but my wager in this is that he saw that you were being aloof in that you were taking things easy. Thus he probably figured it best to keep it as casual as you were. The quick affection, the comments as I said I personally find it odd, but that's my opinion.

I was wondering (standing in line getting groceries) if people’s dating habits mirror their shopping habits. Do you only go for the freshest produce of are you up to thawing out a bag of peas? Are you a melon squeezer or all they all are same to you? Do you care about firmness? Is the best before date something you concern yourself with or do you just return the item once you find it does not live up to expectations.

Are you one to take a needle and thread to repair a flaw you never noticed before or do you accept it the way it is? How important is a proper fit or do you say to yourself you will grow into it? Do you buy things that you would not be seen out in public but will be comfy on a cold winter night? Do you hate shopping and just grab the first thing on the shelf?

Inquiring minds want to know.

How many women currently practice them?? How often/long have you been doing them? Why did you start/stop?/ What are the results? ..etc..etc..??
For the guys..have any of you tried it as well?? How does it feel?

OK guys please explain this to me, since I clearly have no clue. Why is it when I tell a guy that I would like to see him again, had a great time, (and shit he actually get a kiss or two) that guy disappears on me. However when I tell a guy "umm .....thanks" back away when he goes in for the hug, blow him off when he emails/calls or tell him "i dont want to see you again" - those guys are the ones that keep trying to see me agian?

Tyger81382: Same here lol. I actually think i can pull off a decent Steve Perry or even Steelheart lol.

DDay555: DharmaF, some of us can sing along and actually sound good... ;)

greendragonempire: If you worked "with" so many people in hollywood, how come you are having a hard time getting work? Do you know how many people have "worked" with steven spieldberg? robin williams? getting them coffee doesn't mean you worked with them, it means you were a glorified busboy.

I'm sure there are many diners in hollywood that are hiring ....

unattached31: Let's say you go out on a date with a guy. You pick him up. You buy him dinner at the nicest restaurant in town. You take him out for games, dancing, drinks. He and his happiness are your complete focus the entire evening. At the end of the night, you take him back to your place. There you make out, you get to the shirts off stage. Just when you go for the belt, he suddenly stops you and says "Not yet..." and refuses to have sex with you. After making out for a while longer and seeing that he isn't changing his mind, you realize it's getting late, so you take him home. After you get back to your place, you send him an email telling him what a nice time you had.... to which he waits two days to reply and say thank you. Would you ever see this person again?

Don't get me wrong... I'm not saying you went into the evening with the intention of having sex. You didn't spend $120 + tip on dinner expecting sex. You did it because you wanted to share your favorite exotic cuisine and the only place that serves it happens to be pretty expensive. You didn't go out afterward trying to get him drunk to take advantage of him. You took him to a place that had games, a spectacular light show, and cool japanese goldfish tanks beneath the plexiglass dance floor... they just happened to serve alcohol and he certainly didn't need any arm twisting to drink them.

Overlook the fact that you are women, and you've probably done this to countless men. In my own experience, I can say this happens quite frequently. I've asked several guy friends. All of us have had multiple experiences like this. Women who do this sort of thing are simply quite commonplace.

Honestly now... put yourself in our shoes. What would you think? How would it make you feel? You've busted your butt to show some guy a good time. You've had a great time yourself and just as you are about to put the cherry on top by giving him the best sex he's ever had and... he turns you down as if the previous four hours had never happened. How would you feel? Would you feel fat, ugly? Would you feel like a tramp? Would you feel used? Would you be angry, upset, frustrated?

irap07: What turns you off or away from younger males besides the fact that there's a gap in the age or is that the only reason? and yes i ask because of my own personal interests and perhaps for other guys seeking older women.

jimnasium1986: Just another one of those typical little quirks that accompany girls (of my age) that I just don't get. Why does it seem like every single girl I talk to on this website likes to start right off making some sort of sexual reference about how kinky or horny they are or whatever, and then if I say something sexually related, they get offended and back down.

It really makes no sense to put on some sort of mask for someone you just met,

and try to turn them on, if you yourself are not like that. I personally, have a high sex drive, but if I meet a girl who is clean or saving herself, I respect that.

Furthermore, I make a conscience effort not to bring anything sexually related up.

So what is with all these girls bringing up sex in THE FIRST CONVO we have, and then acting all offended a few days down the road, when I talk about sex. If they feel comfortable enough about sex to talk about it in the first convo we have, shouldn't they feel comfortable enough to have a mature convo about it later? I don't get it. Why do girls do wierd things like this?!?!

§wannee: K ladies, its exhausting being a man and not being sure what kind of mood you women are going to be in at any given moment. I’m not going to proclaim that I’m perfect, but dammit… I wake up and all of a sudden, because of some unseen, imagined slight, I’m in the doghouse simply for having the audacity to breathe air!

Really ladies, what makes an otherwise charming, loveable woman turn into a **** without provocation?

I gotta know!!!!

IBThe1: Question: Does anyone here know of pickup schools for women?

This might be a silly question since popular thinking is that it is much easier for women to pick up men and may not require much more than a smile. If this were true, if it actually is this easy for an average woman to pick up an average guy, this in turn could also lead to the mistaken belief on the part of women that it's just as easy for men. The feminine logic that would follow would be that a man who can't do something so easy must be deficient in some manner.