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heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Should I throw caution to the wind? Posted: 11/4/2006 5:56:54 PM
Blah. Of course you should. In dating, whenever you find yourself thinking, "I wonder if I should do this?" it means that's exactly what you should do. "Always succumb to temptation. You don't know when it might pass your way again." - Larry Niven

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

please review my profile! Posted: 11/4/2006 8:03:58 AM
I disagree with you that less is more. I would also disagree that more is more. And I also disagree with the guy before me who said it doesn't matter what you write. I forget who said this but it wasn't me: "Make it exactly as long as it needs to be, and not a word longer." That means the whole thing needs to be interesting, whatever length it is. Not counting your opening statement that less is more, which is interesting only because it's wrong, the first four paragraphs of your profile could just as easily be in your interests list, or in your restrictions. I typically don't even look at that until a profile has really caught my attention in some other way. Next thing, that list about yourself. It actually doesn't tell me much, because it's either cliche (don't like head games, likes simple things in life, no time for cheaters or liars), it's frivolous (favourite colour, red ones last, banana guy) or it's my call, not yours (good sense of humour). Your quote from Angelou, it should pop up on screen whenever anybody pushes "edit profile," because it is particularly relevant here: "People will forget what you did, people will forget what you said, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou. There are many profiles on here that invoke actual feelings. Not always good feelings, but sometimes. They're not so hard to find. Yours, sorry, didn't make me really think or feel anything at all until this quote. It tells me something about you in that you picked it. But nothing else does.

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

VIEW ME PLEASE Posted: 11/4/2006 7:42:52 AM
I read the rewritten caps-free version of the profile, and I don't see much wrong with it except punctuation. But in answer to your question, yes. Finding some attraction, and then getting a picture is definitely too much to ask, no matter how beautiful your writing is. Consider your own behaviour - when you're writing to guys (which you need to be!) do you even open profiles with no pictures? If you do you're probably the exception.

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 116 (view)

Would you take back a cheater? Posted: 10/29/2006 9:34:39 AM
My gut reaction is: No way. Hellraiser has already made this point in a more eloquent manner than I'm about to, but years ago, I did take one back. It was the only time, she told me instantly. I could see her heart was broken about it, and I believe she did it mostly to get my attention. She was and still is one of the most wonderful women I know, and good people sometimes cheat. Had I been able to let go of that one incident I would probably still be with her. But I wasn't able. I couldn't stop reminding her of it in little ways, I never really took her seriously again, and that was not much fun for anybody. So now that I know that about myself, I probably would just walk away next time. However, the ground rules of Whopper's thing apparently allowed sleeping around with permission. Whatever you think of that, wouldn't you say it redefines what her crime was? Not the cheating. The failure to get permission. If the thread were titled, "Would you take back a woman who didn't get your permission in a particular case for something you already said was OK in general?" then my answer would be yes. But I would rethink that arrangement if I wanted to be anything more than a booty call.

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 328 (view)

Liking asian girls Posted: 10/28/2006 4:54:18 PM
I lived in Japan, it was a hot topic. The truth is, there is no unattractive race of girls as far as I'm concerned, and dating outside one's language group creates many problems, only some of which are fun. All that changed from living in Japan is that if a good-looking Asian girl walks by, I take note, whereas before I might not have. Since coming home I've found this an incredibly touchy subject with girls of any race. If I'm out with an Asian girl and she finds out I've had Asian girlfriends, she thinks I just like her because she's Asian. That incorrect assumption has scuttled my chances with more than one girl, I think... and by the way, OP, don't go getting a T-shirt made or anything repeating that you ONLY find Asian girls attractive. In two years of hashing this subject out in Japan, I never met a girl who didn't hate that. On the other hand, if I'm out with a white girl and she finds out about the Japanese exes, she's worried I'm just passing the time until I can find myself a new Asian. I don't know why that is, maybe the next poster will be a white girl who can explain it. But I've learned to keep the subject to myself. Except in extremely public Internet forums in which I'm trying to find new dates. - D

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Hey Everyone Review Mine Posted: 10/28/2006 3:04:38 PM
When I read these things, my mental process is like the Gong Show, which I don't think I've ever seen but I love the premise. You sing until the audience can't take it anymore, and then they hit the gong, and you're hauled off stage, right then and there. I agree (and chuckle) with Oreo about the emoticons. Other than that, though, you've written a decent profile. Bear that in mind as I savage it. If I were reading it and trying to decide whether to contact you, these are the two points at which the gong would have sounded, in order of appearance. GONG! "...who are girls I work with 300 guys..." -- Please punctuate. From POF I am getting good at sorting out what people mean despite absence of punctuation. But I had to re-read the preceding sentence a few times, too, to make sense of it, and so I go into this one with no patience at all. Make readers work too hard and they're gone. It's not their job to sort out what you mean, it's yours. GONG! "...I can be really hyper sometimes lol." -- I know a losing battle when I see it, and one is trying to convince people to stop writing lol. But if you're going to write it, it should be only in places where you actually did laugh out loud, sitting at home by yourself on your computer. Only when you said something so hilarious that you actually made yourself laugh. This isn't it. None of the actual meaning in your profile made me run for the hills, once I figured out what it was. It actually caught my attention that you like to be put in your place. Not because I take any particular joy in putting women in their place, but because it would give me something to ask you about, were I to write. There needs to be just one little tweak like that, something that stands out. You've got one in that you're a welder, that's unexpected. And this is another. Toughest women on POF to write to are the ones who don't say anything unusual. What am I supposed to say? "Hey, I love to laugh too!" - D "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it!" -- Groucho Marx

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

why do men always need to be picked up???? Posted: 10/28/2006 8:45:49 AM
Do you live in a dull neighourhood? I actually prefer driving on dates, there's just something emasculating about that passenger seat of a girl's car. But I also live in a really cool date neighbourhood, so there's never a reason for me to drive. If a girl's coming from her condo in some cookie-cutter suburb to meet me, she picks up, since she's driving anyway. And I'd rather meet here than at the restaurant, because here, if she's late, I don't care.

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

Boys and their mommas Posted: 10/27/2006 8:40:52 PM
I'd pop over and do yard work for mom if she didn't have Dad to dispatch. But there's no way I'd cancel plans with my girl or anyone else to do it. The leaves aren't going anywhere -- if they were, why rake? That's a Principal Skinner move if I ever heard of one. All respect to mothers, but one of the things your man's momma should have taught him is that when he makes plans with people, he should keep them.

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

no stupid questions... accept for this one. Posted: 10/27/2006 5:23:04 PM
Best advice I ever read about falling in love: "Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being 'in love' which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two." - Louis de Berniers, "Captain Corelli's Mandolin"

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

SEXY foods you have made Posted: 10/26/2006 9:48:41 PM
Sorry, Whitetigeress, I'm not licenced to do takeout, strictly a dine-in facility. That's a terrific idea for the dessert. In fact, next time, until I'm convinced she's got a soul, I'd probably just make that by itself, and skip all the other crap except the wine.

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

SEXY foods you have made Posted: 10/25/2006 9:36:18 PM
I almost never cook for myself. But a while ago I had a girl I liked coming over, so I prepared this: Chicken and potato in a peanut massaman curry with basmati rice Spicy mint and cabbage beef salad with basil, lime leaves and Thai peppers A chilled bottle of Sovereign Opal And she stood me up! Good thing, I'd have looked quite the fool serving white wine with Thai food and no dessert...anyway, of course I never invited her back, and so I never got to find out how sexy my cooking was. From her. The folks at work the next day never had a better lunch in their lives. - D

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Would you pose for Playboy ? Posted: 10/25/2006 6:20:25 PM
^^^Sure, Athletic. All the decent women must be posting in the next thread down, titled "Would you pose for Outlaw Biker?"

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Tips appreciated! Posted: 10/24/2006 4:46:26 PM
I'm not saying anything's wrong with it. It gets the job done. But Yalumba is trying to replace something that was great, and she thinks that what she's got is missing something intangible. There must be millions of profiles on here that are just the basics, just OK. That's probably why she posted here, because she wants hers to be better than OK. I didn't get the impression she just wants a quick spell-check.

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 65 (view)

did women kill chivalry? what do we need to do to bring it back? Posted: 10/23/2006 10:41:12 PM
Surely there's more to it than just these little things. Opening a door, giving up a seat, helping with a coat, pulling out a chair, walking closest to the curb, standing up when she comes in... women don't really need us to do any of this. But by doing it, we communicate that we're watching out for them, whether they need it or not. We are paying attention. And I think that feels good to them. I have never seen a woman get angry at a man for opening a door, it would be ridiculous. But since so many of you describe it, I guess it happens. In that situation, a chivalrous man would exit gracefully. He would pity the woman, because she is foolishly confusing attentiveness for an accusation that she is incapable, and if she gets a man for herself, he'll either be inattentive, or a spineless wimp. And then he'd open the next door he sees for the very next woman walking through it. Because if you're doing it just to please the woman, it's not particularly chivalrous. We do chivalrous things because they're just our style, they're a natural consequence of paying attention, and they just seem right. If we give up doing them because one cranky so-and-so got mad at us once, then we are not strong enough in our convictions about what's right. can a man enrole in a womans studies course at university ? I have no idea - someone enlighten me there Beats me, but what a way to meet chicks!

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Tips appreciated! Posted: 10/23/2006 5:49:23 PM
Your sense of humour is central to your character, since you mention it several times. However, I didn't find anything in there actually funny. Could be there were jokes I didn't get, but saying you're funny is not funny in itself. If you are as funny as you think you are, then you should be able to write something funny in a profile. I'm a big fan of stories in profiles. Most people just write the basics about themselves, some write diatribes about what their beliefs are, but almost nobody tells a story. I guess they think that their stories won't tell me anything about them, but that's totally wrong. For example, my own personal funniest story is about a redneck in a leather jacket on a snowboard in a meter of wet powder in Quebec. If I were trying to highlight how funny I am, I would tell it in my profile. Women would learn from the story that I'm funny, because they'd be laughing all the way through it. But if they're smart enough, if they read beyond the basic literal meaning, they'll recognize that I'm also active, I travel, I remember details, I have friends from all walks of life, and I occasionally laugh at other peoples' misfortune. Really hard. If all that weren't true, I wouldn't be telling the story. Get the idea? Let's hear a story that's good in its own right, but also reveals something about the storyteller. Tell me about one of those situations you always find humour in. Tell me what sparked that last uncontrollable giggle. I'm not going to believe you're funny until I actually laugh. And this is probably another minority opinion, but I think you could toss that stuff about casual outings, local pub, playing pool, seasonal variations, etc. There's nothing wrong with it but it's not interesting, either, and here, every word needs to be interesting. You are competing with a row of pictures of women at the top of the screen. They're just one click away, and any one of them might have something more interesting to say. I did get the impression that you're capable of writing something way better, which is an impression I don't often get. Cheers. - D

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 52 (view)

Do men cry at chick flicks? Posted: 10/23/2006 5:03:36 PM
It's not crying. It's tearing.

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 68 (view)

How many of you men wait to be approached? Posted: 10/22/2006 9:59:38 PM
Do so, Ladybug. You are forgetting that when you write first, you're hoping against tremendous odds that this person will be drawn to you -- no offence to you in particular, of course, I just mean that from the receiver's perspective, it's just some random person. Take any random person off the street. Just the next one that passes by. Attractive to you? Probably not. But anyway, when you write first, you are that random person, knocking on the window hoping somebody will let you in. So sometimes nobody answers. You can't compare guys who write you first to guys who don't, and say, "See? Guys don't like being written first." The first group is a preselected group of men who have already admitted they like you. The second is one or two who like you, and a bunch more who probably don't. And so, with the key provision that it's from somebody we want to meet, heck yes. It takes away the guesswork of figuring out whether she's interested, or merely polite. That part is not the hunt you're talking about, not the fun part. It's only fun once you're sure she's interested, when you know you have a chance that you could easily blow, but you also know you are not just wasting your time. Moreover, first contact means she's got initiative. A doer, a driver rather than a passenger. She'll have ideas, she'll be a challenge. That's a highly attractive trait, among already-attractive women. - D

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Noob would like a profile review, please. Posted: 10/21/2006 9:47:51 AM
Thanks, evermore. Regarding length, you're probably right, but I'd add that he shouldn't just write to be long for its own sake. A woman might have only so much attention to spare, due to having so many thoughtless messages to wade through. So if we waste her time, she shuts us down, and we deserve it. Things should be exactly as long as they need to be, and not a single syllable longer. With some long profiles, if you removed everything that wasn't really important or funny or new, you'd be left with one or two sentences of perfect, sparkling truth. The real trick is to assemble a whole schwack of sentences together like that, in the same room at the same time.

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Calgary gatherings where? Posted: 10/21/2006 9:20:35 AM
Now that's what I call a single's party!

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Stand back, compulsive writer coming through... Posted: 10/21/2006 9:04:59 AM
Hey, friends. I joined about a week ago, and man, these forums are really cool! I haven't seen these on other dating sites, perhaps just for lack of searching. But I've been really impressed by the thought that goes into some of the posts I've seen. (Sometimes the lack of thought is impressive too. Not yours, they're all cool.) So far I've never had too much of a slog before finding an interesting question. I just wanted to make an introduction while I'm still new. - D

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

a new out look on life Posted: 10/21/2006 8:53:11 AM
All respect to you, brother. It takes some major stones to take classes in literacy, I would think. Many others on this site ought to be there in the class with you, but they're not, are they?

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Noob would like a profile review, please. Posted: 10/20/2006 11:01:59 PM
I'm glad to help, brother. Remember you asked! The best advice I ever heard about writing is so old it's a cliche, but it's dead-on, and that's show, don't tell. So dump all those adjectives about your personality. Particularly the bad ones, obviously. Instead, pick an aspect of yourself you want to showcase. You said twice that you like to help people out, you like to protect the ones you love, and you have nephews that you care for. You should tell a story about those things that PROVES you're "caring," or "optimistic." Tell a good story, and that can be your entire profile. From now on, whenever I say "Get rid of THIS," and you think, "Well, what should I write then?' the answer is, "More story." Next. Check ALL your spelling. Use MS Word first, but then you should also go over it with an actual dictionary, because there are problems with word meanings, too. I don't want to be all hoighty-toity about it, no disrespect to people who don't like writing. But if you make mistakes, then you disqualify yourself to any woman who can spell better than you. Here are the mistakes I caught in order to illustrate my point, but there are many others. Goatee, a lot, collective but you probably mean collected, ON everything, cruising, mom's, your/you're, Saskatchewan... Writing is real work, believe I know it. But this is your best you're supposed to be showing here, so do the work. You can make the profile shorter by dumping anything girls already know. For example, they can see you're 22 and in Calgary. No need to desribe your appearance at all, you've got a picture. "Had a lot of things in my life happen ..." well, they know that too, unless you want to go into detail, and if these things were BAD things, you probably shouldn't. Definitely don't tell them about the RC cars or models or video games. Dump the comics, too. OK, I'm sorry, dump all your likes except biking, Grey's Anatomy, and maybe drag racing. I'm not making fun, it's just that some of those things are, uh ... well, if we were pals, I'd want to see these RC cars, for certain. But I'm a guy, you know? Besides, we're trying to make this shorter. So if a love of electronics is central to your being, by all means, keep it in. Write it way up, actually. But if it's not, it gets the gong. Do NOT tell them about being lied to and burned, especially "too many times." You're 22, for Pete's sake, if it's already too many then I may have bad news for you. Girls, when they read this, translate it to this: "I am mistrustful and angry and bitter, and I think I may start hating all women any minute now." I'm not saying it's true, just how it's interpreted. It doesn't hurt, but it also doesn't help, in your profile, to talk about your positive experiences with and acceptance of single moms. If you write to a single mom, she will understand that you don't have a problem with her mominess. You don't even have to say it in the letter, let alone your profile. Girls are all about what's not said, in my currently girl-less experience. The absence of tattoos and piercings, I think you just wrote that because so many other people, for reasons I have not yet managed to discern, like to talk about the PRESENCE of them. But if you don't have them, don't write about them. You don't have a purple cabbage in your pocket, either. Yet you resisted the temptation to write, "I don't have a purple cabbage in my pocket." That bit about who you'd like to meet, that can stay. That's cool. Except for "if you're religious that's fine too." That part makes it sound like you'd take just whatever, and is a contradiction with the rest of the paragraph, which is talking about somebody special. And it's I don't need ANY, not I don't need NO. I like to mangle grammar too sometimes, but only on purpose, and in the context of requiring maturity, it's confusing. And once you've gone through all that and written something magnificent, throw in a bunch more pictures, including at least one with no hat, whatever's under there. And then, sorry, you're still just one face in a very large crowd, same as everyone else. You'll still have to write to girls to get them to notice, and most probably won't, and even when you're writing to them, that bit about spelling ... still counts. Best of luck, dude, and welcome to Calgary. - D PS -- Japan rocks. Definitely go. Book a ticket, the rest works itself out.

heyyoureadthis

Joined: 10/15/2006

Msg: 99 (view)

when you guys send emails??? Posted: 10/20/2006 9:38:22 PM
I think the fact that POF is free leads to a lot of thoughtless writing. It's like an open bar at a wedding reception. You get a glass of red or a nice port, you drink half, you forget where you put it and just get another, because they are seemingly free. I think we should all have jars by our computers, and every time we push "send" we have to put in a quarter, just to remind ourselves to put at least a quarter's worth of energy into the message. I usually write first, and I usually write really long. Only a few times so far has anyone risen to the challenge and written something really thoughtful back. Usually it's just read/deleted, or once in a while, "Wow, your (sic) a great writer!" So yeah, it would be nice if these novellas I'm composing got a little more audience participation. But even if they end up read/deleted, well, what the heck, at least they were read. Better than a diary or something. The other thought I had was about all these nasty openers I'm hearing about. Could be guys (dumb ones) are just trying to get a rise out of women. Even if women write back, "Stuff you, perv!" hey, at least they're writing. Guys like that probably get more responses than I do! - D

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