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 Author Thread: premature ejaculation , how much does it really bother people ?
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 43 (view)
 
premature ejaculation , how much does it really bother people ?
Posted: 7/31/2011 12:44:47 PM

I do give good oral , but there is only so many times you can get away with that , sometimes she wants me to give her a good seeing to , but sadly never happens , thanx for your input tho'


I had that problem once in awhile when I first started out. No big deal.

Yeah, look for the benzocaine condoms. There is also a cream/lube you can use with regular condoms and it might be better for you as you can apply as much as you need. Just be sure to keep as much in the condom so it doesn't get on her.

Other things: jerk off in advance. I've even told girls I was going to the bathroom to jerk off beforehand so I could last longer. They never had a problem with it.

Drink a glass or two of wine a half hour before to relax a little.

Go for a hard run or a swim earlier in the day, or some other strenuous exercise. Work off some of the tension and nerves.

Just "keep going". If you shoot after a couple seconds, go right back to oral, kissing, etc. Get hard again and go back in. If you are still having premature ejaculations by the third or fourth round, you might want to go see the Doc. Also, if she's open to it, get a dildo or a vibrator and use that on her while you're waiting to get hard again.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Taking it slow...So what does it mean?
Posted: 7/31/2011 12:27:27 PM

I was dating this girl. I was feeling like I was falling in love with her. She was a bit distant to me one week and I asked her what was up, and she said she wasn't sure about putting herself out there in a relationship and hurting herself or I. [snip]


Wrong forum, but...

When you asked her what was up and she gave you the line that she wasn't sure about a relationship, etc etc., that was your warning sign. You persisted, and basically offered to be her shrink. At that point you basically guaranteed that nothing could ever happen between the two of you.

She initially thought you were something special because you were a good listener. So she poured out all her crap on you. Now purged, she realizes there is zero attraction. You're in the friend zone.

You should have said, "That's too bad cause I like you, but you gotta do what you gotta do." Then drop it. She has your number and she'll call if she changes her mind. In the meantime, go find someone else.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Taking it slow...So what does it mean?
Posted: 7/31/2011 12:12:04 PM
A "take it slow" very often goes nowhere.

You can, if you're observant, figure the source of the "take it slow".

- Genuine reasons - she really is a slow burner. It's very rare with any sexually experienced woman for them to hold out for this reason, though. But with girls with not much experience, or virgins, you should expect the pace to be slower.

- She wants to be in control and dictate the pace.

- She is also seeing someone else and wants to see where that will go before doing anything with you (i.e. you are playing 2nd fiddle).

- She's had a lot of bad past flings and thinks "If I don't sleep with him for x months things will be different."

- She has some sort of mental thing, such as abuse, recent breakup, etc. etc. Hard to say whether to stick it out in this case.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Female ejaculation.
Posted: 7/29/2011 4:21:21 AM
My girlfriend does the female ejaculation thing, and another girl I dated I'm pretty sure could have, but I think she had similar concerns as you.

My girlfriend got somewhat embarrassed the first few times we were together because she has limited control over it.

For most guys, it's a turn on. However, it can get quite messy. My girlfriend and I lay down a vinyl shower curtain and then cover that with towels. When I go down on her, I bring a moist hand towel and give her a couple quick swabs if she squirts, mainly just cause there can be a lot of liquid down there.

What comes out isn't pee. However, on a rare occasion when she had to pee beforehand but didn't (like we were too ready to go to care), there has been a little pee in the mix. Yeah, she got totally embarrassed by that.

The simple way around that is shower sex. If anything happens it will either go unnoticed or down the drain in a couple seconds. After my gf squirts a few times it usually abates or it's just a very small amount and not noticeable, so I will get her off a few times in the shower and then we move to the bedroom.

Another thing, the liquid doesn't smell like pee but does have it's own odor. You can sweeten it up by drinking some pineapple juice around four or more hours in advance. Same trick makes semen taste better (so I'm told!).

If you don't own one you should buy a toy that is designed for g spot stimulation and try to make yourself orgasm and squirt (if you really think that's what it is). If you can't get yourself off, it's doubtful a guy will be able to figure out either.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 61 (view)
 
I can't kick them out, they have a baby
Posted: 4/26/2009 9:24:24 AM
Your son should probably join the military.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 120 (view)
 
Instant Magic - anyone else find it?
Posted: 2/26/2009 8:32:24 AM

The original post on this forum sounds soooo romantic. Alas, instant magic has never happened to me. Maybe I'm too much of a pragmatist. I have had instant, intense chemistry...of the physical kind - when I was in my twenties. You have to watch out for that kind of chemistry - you'll crash and burn.


Indeed! That sort of thing happened around six months ago and the intensity was unlike anything since my 20s. Too bad it was only on that level and not much more!
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Now what's worse?
Posted: 2/26/2009 8:27:41 AM

jon.......i just thought it'd be fun to imagine you had to have a man complete with all of those wonderful, irresistable qualities!
What's sad, is I've dated the guy with no car, no job, skinny...... but that was a long time ago
Disclaimer: Not saying guys with no cars, no jobs at the moment and/or are skinny are not dateable, just not my thing...


"Got no money and you got no car? Got no girl, and there you are!" - young mc
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Now what's worse?
Posted: 2/26/2009 8:17:44 AM

9. I'm a dutch girl so he doesn't have to insist on anything.


lol... either you're making a joke or I am.

"Going dutch" is an expression which means you split the check equally with your date.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 46 (view)
 
why do men do that ?
Posted: 2/25/2009 11:59:16 PM
One word, OP: psychopath.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 64 (view)
 
What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/25/2009 11:57:50 PM
Well, to add balance to the discussion, I've only seriously pursued a small number of women on PoF, but they were positive. But I know exactly what people are talking about from some other sites.

I dunno, it's when you start dealing with people in matters where they're close and intimate (potentially) and you realize what tremendous flakes most people are. That's just a fact of life. Online dating didn't create it. Maybe it just makes the matter more transparent.

Sometimes, for this reason, if I have a first or even second date lined up, I'll still keep my eyes open. It's only till I get the sense that we both want it to be a little more that I discontinue other pursuits. And for me, once things get physical then I'm exclusive and expect the same. Last thing I need is some dude's junk fungus messing up the sword of power.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Now what's worse?
Posted: 2/25/2009 10:57:12 PM

Dang, Jon! You're driving a hard sell here with these kind of choices!
Let me see, hmmm...I'd pick:

A skinny broke guy that lives with mom, has no ex-gf's, and he has no car.


LOL, well I didn't say he had to be all those things. Each question was independent of the other.

The idea just popped in my head when I was reading some other post looking for advice. Something like, "Well, he's SO sweet, loves his mama and baby. But... he's a drug dealer." BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You just can't make this stuff up.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Flirting and touching with women on dates
Posted: 2/25/2009 10:15:36 PM
I agree - good suggestions.

I would also add that you want to be "near" her as much as possible. Not like crushing her, but you gotta make forays into her personal space. If you stay at arm's length, well, that's the "friend zone".
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Now what's worse?
Posted: 2/25/2009 9:48:31 PM

4. He has MAN-BOOBS that dwarf your own pom poms? Or he's so skinny that you once saved him from drowning BY TOSSING HIM A CHEERIO?
Holy hell...if he had man boobs bigger than mine, there are problems going on that require serious medical attention! I pick thinness.


The answers in this thread are pure gold!
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Is it normal?
Posted: 2/25/2009 9:40:47 PM
I have a good friend who's a cop, and through him I know of many other cops. I feel I know enough to generalize.

My friend and his cop buddies have two modes when it comes to women: the vast majority of women they meet and screw they have very little respect for (My guess is you were a target in this manner). They use them, sometimes abuse them and then throw them away.

Then, occasionally they meet a girl they really fall for and want to stick with. Even so, it's common that they fool around on them. When I asked my cop buddy if he respected his former GF, because if he did, why would he cheat on her? He said, "I show my respect for her by being *discreet*. What she doesn't know won't hurt her. If she ever found out, I'd feel bad, but that's why I'm careful to make sure she never finds out."

True story - same cop buddy's fellow officer died of a heart attack. Both the guy's wife AND his "girl on the side" wanted to go to the funeral. Wife *never* knew about the other woman, but cop always assured the other woman that wife knew and was fine with it. So my cop buddy had to explain to the other woman what was going on, and how much it would suck for the wife to not only have a dead husband but also find out he had been fooling around on her for years.

Yeah, they are players. They can sense when the uniform turns a girl on and knows it's basically "money in the bank".

My guess, in your case the guy had another possibility so he made one last go to get in your pants before he turned his attention elsewhere.

On the flipside, don't be surprised to hear from him again. He'll explain something came up and really apologize and all that. Then say, "hey I got tickets to so and so and my friend cancelled, wanna go?"

People in general, when they think cop they think "protector" or "keeper of justice". But when you've been around them as much as I have, you think "thrill seeker". They like danger, thrills and power. Thrill seekers are also notorious for their promiscuity.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Would like advise to know what is up with this situation
Posted: 2/25/2009 9:03:05 PM

My thought on this would be that he is not a phone guy. Don't sweat it, because you are having a great time while in person. Always live in the moment, for this is all you have.
When you are with him, enjoy him. Do not try to see things into a lack of phone skills, please.


Yeah, I concur that it's a possibility. A previous girlfriend was *terrible* on the phone. Just no back and forth conversational flow. She was very shy and still learning to come out of her shell so I tried hard to be patient with it.

But, the other possibility is there too, which is something...else... going on.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 405 (view)
 
Profile Photo Does NOT Look Like the Person You've Just Met
Posted: 2/25/2009 8:53:49 PM

That happened to me on my last date. I got to the place and asked the hostess if a single woman had shown up, she said someone had and pointed her out to me. I actually said that wasn't her -- she looked an order of magnitude better in person than she had in her pics.

It wasn't until I walked back outside and called her cell that I realized it had been her after all.


Same exact thing happened to me. We were getting along great over email but I was kind of on the fence when it came to her looks. Then we met and she was a cutey.

I think if you post only "glamor" shots or "super dramatic lighting" shots that hyper-emphasize your best qualities, then it's going to be a bit of a letdown when the other person sees you in person.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
wow rejection after one date
Posted: 2/25/2009 8:25:44 PM
I would just go super ignore mode.

I kind of had the same problem and since we worked together I tried to keep things mellow and friendly. Wow, I still get the occasional "I miss you/it's so hard/please reconsider" email from her. When I try to be consoling and say things like "you're a really great woman and you'll make someone really happy" I get another two or three emails saying how much she appreciates the compliment, etc.

So now, if I respond to these types of emails, I wait several days and keep it short and to the point. I feel bad, but anything more and it's taken the wrong way.

In your case, one date. The answer is super ignore mode. Hope he doesn't know where you live.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Why do men want to meet after a 3 minute conversation?
Posted: 2/25/2009 8:19:16 PM
I don't know that there are hard and fast rules, but like some of the other posters, how many times have I got along with someone over email and then we finally meet after a couple weeks of back and forth chatting and realize there's zero chemistry?

A few emails, maybe a phone call and then let's meet!
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Now what's worse?
Posted: 2/25/2009 8:09:27 PM
But what's worse??!!

1. He absolutely REFUSES to go shopping with you? Or he LOVES shopping so much he knows the whole Ann Taylor Spring lineup?

2. He'll ONLY watch explody action films?? Or he broke down SOBBING when Barbara Hershey died in 'Beaches' and called his mom?

3. All his friend are HOT women?? Or all his friends are delightful and witty GAY MEN?

4. He INSISTS you go dutch every night out?? Or he INSISTS on paying every time, only the 'waiter' wears a paper hat and name tag??
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Now what's worse?
Posted: 2/25/2009 7:33:52 PM
1. Him having no car? (so your dates are on public transportation). Or him driving a REALLY CRAPPY car?

2. He has NO JOB? Or his job ISN'T QUITE LEGAL?

3. His ex-girlfriend occassionally CALLS TO WIN HIM BACK? Or... you find out you're the first person WHO EVER AGREED TO GO OUT WITH HIM?

4. He has MAN-BOOBS that dwarf your own pom poms? Or he's so skinny that you once saved him from drowning BY TOSSING HIM A CHEERIO?

5. He lives in shoebox apartment in the WORST part of town surrounded by drug dealers and tranny hookers? Or he lives in the best part of town in a huge house... with his MOTHER?
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Today I made lemonade from lemons
Posted: 3/26/2008 9:26:18 PM
Another update (maybe the update people don't want hear):

Well, this one may have gone south.

She's attractive, but there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of chemistry. We had a coffee date and two real dates, and I haven't got so much as a first kiss. After the first "real" date, I went for it and she gave me the cheek. On the second "real" date, she pre-empted and gave me the "euro-kiss" greeting kind of thing (cheek to cheek hug with implied kiss).

Another problem: she's broke. I got no problem with people who are struggling to a goal, but on our first date, she suggested an expensive cuban place. I paid the $85 bill.

The way I see it is that you never enter a date situation if you're not ready to throw up your half. Otherwise, the whole thing becomes too much about money. Be up-front about it. Say "let's do something inexpensive." I have so much more respect for someone who does that. Especially here in the bay area, there's so many things you can do for little or no money - go for a walk in the redwood hills, see a free lecture, etc.

Let me make this clear - I don't think it's all about money, in fact, I think it's not about money at all. It's about equality. I treat women the way I want to be treated - as an equal. I hold the door for them, I compliment them constantly, I praise their beauty. But the fact is, who spends what, can definately create a dis-equilibrium.

So I gave it one last date - I suggested mini golf. Of course I paid. Then I suggested to save cash we should go to the grocery store and cook something. I bought stuff for a caeser salad. She bought stuff for herself. Didn't even offer to throw in for a bottle of wine or the bread. We went back to my place, I made food and we watched a movie on my home theater. And like I said, at the end of the night, I got the euro-kiss.

Meh... done with her. She told me to call her during the week. Not happening. She can call me if she wants. And when she does, I'll put it down honest: you're not even *trying* to throw in your half.

The try is all I'm looking for, and I don't see it.

And fellas, if you don't even see the "try", well, then you gotta set it straight and take your leave.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Is it time to let go?
Posted: 3/16/2008 7:55:34 PM
I think "nice guy" has some meaning here. I think if I were more aloof (an a-hole) then she would be saying anything to hold on. She knows I'm a nice guy. Could be part of the problem.


Probably true. With the aforementioned woman, when I would intentionally withdraw and go silent for a few days, she would chase me down. But the moment I made a move to get closer, she'd back right up again. So to get what I want, I'd have to pretend I didn't want it. Dysfunctional to say the least.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Is it time to let go?
Posted: 3/16/2008 7:49:40 PM

I've been dating someone for nearly 6 months and for me - it's great. The problem is she can't seem to be able to say she loves me or commit to anything more. She says she needs more time. I'm wondering how much time to waste. I date for long term - not just fun. There are other woman that are interested. She hates it when I question where the relationship is going - kind of ironic because isn't this usually how woman feel - I kind of feel like I am in a role reversal.


I was in your EXACT same position. It wasn't even that she couldn't commit to anything, she couldn't express her feeling for me/us at all on any level. I totally understand the role reversal.

You say it's great, but I don't think you really think that. You feel more for her then she does for you, apparently.

My first thought was that since we weren't really in a relationship and had never agreed to be exclusive, maybe I would just start looking around. However, not much later, I just decided it was dragging me down and called it off.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Giving it another chance but feelings have changed
Posted: 3/16/2008 7:40:43 PM
I'm in agreement with the others. You never had "the talk" so you really can't claim a trust violation.

But the bottom line is this guy wanted to start seeing other people. He probably wanted to line another person up and when it looked like it was solid, then he'd give you the news. That didn't work out, so now he's trying to get back with you. So maybe the best thing to do is move on.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/16/2008 7:30:29 PM
I've heard that the most common reason for bankruptcy in the US is an unexpected medical-related expense. So I would consider that "mitigating". But yeah, any strong evidence of not being able to handle one's finances is a big turn-off. The best things in life are free, but people in bad financial situations are often the last to see it that way.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 38 (view)
 
My girl's friend wants to get her drunk at this party...
Posted: 3/14/2008 7:56:21 PM
So she wants to have a few drinks and then have you pick her up? I don't see what the problem is.


I mean how many women have the courage to tell their men the truth?


This is scary on many levels. First of all, she's not your woman. You've only been dating for a few weeks. Irregardless of your agreement to be exclusive. (And I'd bet dollars to donuts you were the one that pushed for that).

Second of all, the fact that you doubt women "have the courage to tell their men the truth". Wow, I have to remember that and use it as a pickup line. "Hey baby, do you have the courage to tell me the truth? Huh? Do ya?"
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 105 (view)
 
Sex without developing feelings.....
Posted: 3/14/2008 8:35:24 AM

Sex without emotional strings is the NORM for most all men these days. It's nothing more than being used and letting one use you. Get out of your current relationship before you begin another one, it's clear you aren't happy or you wouldn't still be looking and to hang on to your current b/f in case the new one doesn't work out is just flat WRONG....it makes you the USER.


Thanks. I always suspected I inherently sucked, but now at least I know it's just my gender and nothing to do with me. You should put that in a fortune cookie where it can really do some good.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 55 (view)
 
I got beat up by a monkey once
Posted: 3/14/2008 7:52:09 AM

I was thinking pitbull in the bathroom... I like dogs, no biggie.
But I opened the door and a baby baboon in a diaper started jumping around and screaming at me, then jumped on me, punc hed me in the mouth, started trying to bite me, so I got it, tried to dropkick it because I was freaked, and the thing latched onto my leg and ripped my jeans up on the right leg.


I think the monkey was trying to tell you to knock first!

That's pretty hilarious, OP. And really random. Same thing happened to me only it was her mother.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
how long can long distance be b4 dieing?
Posted: 3/13/2008 11:38:57 PM
Tyler, this is bad on about fifty different levels.

It's clear you really, really want a girlfriend but this isn't the way to go. Find a nice girl with a little more sense and someone you can actually meet close to home.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 32 (view)
 
i m in middle of nowhere
Posted: 3/12/2008 12:36:40 PM
"That girl is poiiiissonnnnnn"

- Bel Biv Devoe.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Today I made lemonade from lemons
Posted: 3/12/2008 1:02:01 AM
Well... some people requested a progress report.

We met up on Sunday and because the weather was great we walked down to a local coffee place. (Heck, my car is wrecked, so...)

She's great when it comes to conversation. She's easy on the eyes, indeed - petite and very fit. She's pursuing a degree in marketing/PR, so she has a plan, and that's cool. Physical attraction is definately there.

She's into martial arts, and had a throw-down tournament the day before. We talked at length about that, because I like to watch MMA and have been considering joining a local boxing gym.

Left a message for her tonight asking her when she'd like to get together again.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Today I made lemonade from lemons
Posted: 3/7/2008 6:39:57 PM
Lucky, when someone broke into my car all I got was some quality time with the local police in a poorly lit underground parking, and I missed a day of paintballing. Never thought I'd say this but why can't a drunk hit my car.


Strangely, the last accident I got in was on the way to a date back when I lived in Boston. It took three weeks before we both had a free night, and as luck would have it, it was snowing like crazy. I decided to chance it.

I was going down a hill with just the barest grade and even though I got on the breaks about 100 yards before the stoplight, my car just slid and slid. Pumped the breaks, even tried to accelerate off course to miss the Ford Festiva sitting at the stop light with the dominos sign on top.

Finally I hit the pizza deliver guy at the light going about 15 mph.

3k of damage. Didn't even get a pizza out of it!
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Today I made lemonade from lemons
Posted: 3/7/2008 6:25:19 PM

OP, this is my element here. I enjoy meeting people in the bar and such, but I find everyone is pretty superficial and looking for the best deal rather than the good deal. I find openings in just about every situation when out shopping. There's a million and one reasons a person might initiate a conversation with another person in public.




Deuce98, you sound just like a friend of mine. I don't know how he does it. We were at a bar and as we were heading from the back to the front, he taps this girl on the shoulder and with a big smile goes, "Hey, I thought you were gonna save our seats at the bar!" The way he said it and his body language communicated clearly that he was joking. Next thing you know he's got her number.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Today I made lemonade from lemons
Posted: 3/7/2008 8:38:37 AM

I'd hate to put a downer on this, but if she becomes witness in a court case, and she's dating one of the accusers...tho the chances are, it'll be settled out of court.



Well... then maybe I'll meet a hot lawyer!
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Today I made lemonade from lemons
Posted: 3/6/2008 11:19:18 PM

I'm with everyone else on this. That's the cooliest thing i have heard all day. I love this story. If it works then great. If it doesn't you have proven yourself to be the man.


ha ha! wow! thanks!
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Today I made lemonade from lemons
Posted: 3/6/2008 11:11:42 PM
Good job capitalizing on a real life opportunity. I was at the DMV the other day renewing my license....they called number 163 and two of us headed toward the open counter. We both pulled out our numbers and he actually had 173. He aplogized profusely and it was obviously an innocent mistake. Got me thinking that someone could use that as a ruse for meeting someone cute. Too bad these opportunities don't happen more often!


Yeah, it's funny how "something" out of the ordinary just makes us go for it. I think it just puts us in a different mindset, or breaks us out of our routine.

I met a previous girlfriend on the 4th of July because of something similar. We'd both been to parties that day and had a few drinks, and to make matters worse, it was really hot that day (this was back in my boston days). So we're watching the fireworks go off and she literally collapses into my arms. She was dehydrated. So I had to elbow my way through the crowds who were jammed all over the charles river to find a store for some water. I brought back the water and she felt better after a few minutes, then later I got the digits. We ended up together for a long time.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Today I made lemonade from lemons
Posted: 3/6/2008 9:09:58 PM
So I walked out to my car this morning to find my ride had been devastated. Drunk driver hit, to varying degrees, six cars!

Initially I was a little shocked, but hey, it's only a car and my work is walking distance. Not the end of the world.

A few of the other people who's car were hit, including the guy who tackled the drunk driver as he tried to stumble away, were there. As I was collecting info, a nice young woman offered to be a witness if necessary, as she saw a lot of what went down. We exchanged numbers.

I called her and we got to chatting and it was a good conversation. Knew I had to make a move, so I asked her to coffee and she agreed. Life is funny like that.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Disastrous First Date.....
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:07:17 PM
I had a date once with a girl who explained to me that she'd slept with over a hundred guys. My jaw hit the floor.

Yeah, that pretty much killed it.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 25 (view)
 
What men are looking for in women.
Posted: 3/5/2008 10:57:37 PM

Hhmmm..

A relationship of equals working as a team for each other.

Trust
Empathy
Sense of humour
Affectionate
..And a large dose of patience :-)


I'll probably think of others and rearrange the preference after I shut the computer off but thats a start.


That's a good list.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Roses
Posted: 3/5/2008 10:55:11 PM
I'm curious - but do people really like recieving the roses and all that? It just seems a little... wierd and silly.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
please help
Posted: 3/5/2008 10:51:15 PM
Sounds like he's either confused at the least or being manipulative at the worst. Maybe you ought to let him go.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Friend, but you want more
Posted: 3/5/2008 10:47:24 PM

Thanks - some interesting views here.

Thing is, if you were a guy (and you should know if you are :)), then how would you take it further? Would you take steps to ensure the meetings were formally declared to be 'dates' in some way, so there could be no ambiguity or leave it fudged as 'friends' meeting up? How would you try and let the other person know you were interested in more?


I agree with the previous posters. You really have two options - watch for the unspoken signs, such as body language.

Or, just say what's on your mind. If you go this route, don't be wishy washy, be confident and ready for her to decline your offer, and be gracious about it.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 84 (view)
 
Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/5/2008 10:36:44 PM
Ouch OP. That really sucks.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 77 (view)
 
Shy and standoffish women - do they ever open up?
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:37:56 AM

I get the shy types to open up all the time.

If you come across as creepy, they wont open up but if you can get them to laugh?

Believe me, once that happens and they loosen up, they wont shut up.


Thanks, creepy pers0n. You have definately added to this discusion.

Christ.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Shy and standoffish women - do they ever open up?
Posted: 3/3/2008 10:08:01 PM
I figured I'd post an update to this thread.

I tried my best. As I get older I'm more patient and less drama-prone. I'm past the point of picking fights to get her attention or raise issues. I'm past the point of assuming that if things aren't going well, it must be me. I got a few relationships under my belt. I know what I want and what I expect. I'm not joe perfect, but I think I'm at least joe okay.

But after awhile I couldn't deny to myself that I was unhappy with this woman. It never really progressed past the point of "dating" and sometimes bordered on "friends with benefits." Such was the distance she maintained between us. But still, there were those rare moments when you could just glimpse a real connection. And then, she would back off.

We broke it off recently at about 7 months.

Why'd I stick with it as long as I did? Well, I could sense that there's a deep, caring person in there somewhere, a really great person. But the way to her - well, I knocked on every door I know to knock on, and nobody answered.

What's a dog to do? Lick his wounds and find a new door to knock on. I wish her the best.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Sex alternatives....
Posted: 3/3/2008 12:10:26 AM
If Quantity = 0, then Quality = x?


Exactly - that must be one heck of a hand, OP. You probably have popeye's forearms...
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Were women better off 50 years ago?
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:50:59 AM

It happens about once a week in my cab that some woman...generally under 25 endeds up crying in the backseat.


And do you think, OP, that it was any different in the 1950s. It was likely a lot worse.

There are always going to be abusive people. Some women are abusive as well, but tend not to be so in the very overt ways you have seen.

This is not an excuse to just disregard what you see in your cabs. I will say this, though, you're probably too smart to be driving a cab and that kind of work is just going to make you bitter about society. Jobs like cab driver, paramedic, lawyer, etc are the grease traps of humanity. You see all the bad and very little of the good.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Were women better off 50 years ago?
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:39:34 AM

I didn't realize until I grew up and started paying a lot more attention to the news how lucky I was that my dad was a nice, normal, respectful man who would never think of hitting or even insulting my mom and I. I thought nice people were normal. The longer I live, the more it seems that good, kind, honest, considerate people are the exception rather than the rule - and it was always that way. :(


Wow, that's an observation I, myself have made. I used to think my own family was the one with the issues. I used to think my aunts' family was so "together" - they were the perfect picture of the thriving nuclear family (sort of what this thread touches on as what was the ideal). Heck, their father even was a rocket scientist!

Then as time went on - multiple divorces, an illegitimate kid turns up, a deadbeat/stalker dad, another deadbeat dad. You realize it was all smoke and mirrors.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Were women better off 50 years ago?
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:33:18 AM

Generally, he believed that men were more respectable and dedicated to their partners, friends, and familes in the 1950s then they are now. There was a code of ethics.


Selective amnesia, OP. The above was true if you were a white couple back in the 1950s. My background is mixed, but I have both filipino and mexican mixed into my jumbled white-guy ancestry, and believe me that the 1950s utopia people keep saying "was better" was only better for some, usually at the expense of others.
 jon_at_pof
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 27 (view)
 
How do I get to know a busy woman?
Posted: 3/1/2008 2:59:05 PM

I think the only thing you can do is give it time. As far as a time limit...that's up to what you're comfortable with.


Seconded. There's also another thing. When you sit by and play second fiddle in her life for any length of time, you create the expectation that that's your place. You'll sit there waiting to get promoted but she'll find new things to become busy with once the current dust settles.

OP I recommend you read the "tit for tat" thread.

I've found myself in your shoes a couple times. The first time I was the victim - decided to wait patiently and nothing ever came. Basically a waste of time.

In the second situation I was straight up with her - "I understand you're really busy and I'm willing to continue this if we agree it's just dating but I don't think we can honestly expect this to become a relationship if we only see each other on a limited basis." Guess what, she ended it right there and more or less blamed me for "giving up". Oh the tangled web we weave, eh?

The real bottom line is if she wants something serious she would do what needs to be done to make it happen.
 
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